Talking Poo

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo!
He loves me and I love you!

Daughter: Daddy? There's a giant doo-doo in the bathroom.
Father: Ehhh, I'm really proud of you honey.
Daughter: But I didn't make it, Daddy. It came out of the bathroom and it started saying bad words. I'm scared.
Father: There's nothin' to be scared of, honey. Number twos can't talk.

— Monsturd

... But what if they could?

Sentient feces. Living dung. Intelligent droppings. Basically, poo that's alive. Doesn't necessarily have to speak, as long as it's sentient. Anthropomorphised doodoo is generally for comedic purposes, but there are exceptions.

A subtrope of Toilet Humor and Animate Inanimate Object. Compare and contrast Talking Pest (a mascot for a product that's a member of the species the product is designed to wipe out).

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Examples:

Advertising

• Mute but still capable of communicating: The Zingy animated icon used by British energy company EDF has often been likened, unfavourably, to a parasitical turd-monster. Embittered website Ad Turds has not been slow in likening it to South Park's Mr Hankey in its relentlessly cheerful disposition while - well, remaining a turd. The advertising agency has responded by making its colour a more orange-yellow rather than brown: but the current advertising depicting a very-large Zingy in the form of a hot-air balloon does make it look like a giant turd floating above British suburbia.

Anime & Manga

• One of the minor recurring characters in Doctor Slump.
• There's a brief moment with talking poo in Twilight of the Cockroaches.
• Digimon:
  • Sukamon is one of these with arms. Also Platinum Sukamon and King Sukamon. Of course, Digimon are sentient programs whose forms and abilities are based on various concepts and ideas.
  • Digimon Universe: App Monsters has Gomimon, who mostly resembles Garbagemon from the base Digimon franchise, but has a head that looks like this. When lit up by his Seven Codes orb, he's the same bright yellow color as Sukamon.
• The first enemy in Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt is a giant shit monster that can only say things related to crap, shit, bowels, and fecal matter.
• During the "Freaky Friday" Flip arc in Gintama, Hasegawa ends up becoming this when his soul is inexplicably transferred from Sadaharu into the pile of poop he had just left behind, though the talking is the only thing setting him apart from normal poop initially. Gintoki decides to give him back his glasses (Which have Yamazaki's soul in them), which somehow leads to him transforming into a fully anthropomorphic pile of poop towards the end of the arc, allowing him to help resolve the body-swapping issue once and for all. In the end, everyone but Gintoki and Hijikata end up being transformed into anthropomorphic poop courtesy of Gengai's faulty invention...
• If Hong Kong cartoons count as anime, then Excreman from the McMug/McDull series.

Comic Books

• Shithead from Wanted is a shape-shifting villain who happens to be made of the feces of 666 of the most evil people who ever lived.
• Cazador has Captain Cuete, a superhero with explosive farts; he experiences a Power Degeneration which slowly turns him into a being made entirely of faeces. He can also create tiny mooks out of his excrements, and he later comes under the wing of a literal turd god which looks like a gigantic pile of excrement with multiple eyes and a halo.
• Mortadelo y Filemón: While testing an invention that allows someone to take the form of whatever has touched, Filemón ends up transformed into a mosquito and, after falling into it, (a talking) dog poo. He's not happy at all.
• In Saga, when Marko dumps the ship's waste on the planet Pervious, microbes in the soil turn it into Dung People that take the form of whoever shat them and try to kill whoever's nearby.

Comic Strips

• In a parody of Dogma, the PHB from Dilbert turns into a Shit Demon after experiencing the corruption from being promoted to CEO.

Films — Animation

• Doggy Poo. It's a Korean movie and is actually sort of cute.◊ And it's not even Played for Laughs.
• The Mexican animated film El Santos Contra La Tetona Mendoza has Gamborino Ponx, who goes beyond this trope: He's a talking hemorrhoid! (And voiced by Guillermo del Toro, no less)
• Poop from The Emoji Movie. He's voiced by Patrick Stewart.

Films — Live-Action

• Played for Laughs in Men in Black II: "You look like crap. [alien laughs] I take that back, he looks like crap."
• The Attack of the Killer Whatever movie Mons Turd is about a serial killer who becomes mutated into a monster made of feces.
• The turd people from Flesh Gordon Meets The Cosmic Cheerleaders.
• Dogma has the Golgothan Excremental, a.k.a. the Shit Demon. Supposedly made of the voided bowels of crucifixion victims.
• In I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle, the protagonist Noddy has a nightmare in which he is attacked by a talking turd with the face of his dead friend Buzzer.
• The ABCs of Death: In the "K" segment, an animated stool gets into a battle of wits with the woman who produced it, and who is now trying to flush it. The stool winds up killing her.

Jokes

• What does the shit say to the shitpot? "Catch me, I'm falling!"

Literature

• Deputy Doo-Doo, from The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby is a villain who transformed into a living turd because he got crossed with Super Diaper Baby's poop.
• Alfred, suffering from his dementia, is taunted by a hallucination in The Corrections where a talking piece of feces appears and insults him.

Live-Action TV

• Dr. Puri Puri from the Japanese children's show Ugo Ugo Ruga.
• Brazilian kids show Cocoricó (literally "Cock-A-Doodle-Doo"), set in a farm, had one.
• The Wonder Showzen episode "Body" featured the extracted body fat of the letter P entering a relationship with sentient feces.
• Horrible Histories depicts Peter Freuchen, an Arctic explorer who used his own feces to dig his way out of an avalanche that had Buried Him Alive, as hallucinating that the feces is singing a duet with him parodying "Love is an Open Door" from Frozen (2013) due to hypoxia.

Myths & Religion

• In the un-Bowdlerized versions of Native American myths about Coyote, he's assisted and advised by his three "sisters", which are actually his own droppings that talk. The cleaned-up versions depict them as talking berries that live in his stomach.

Stand-Up Comedy

• Billy Connolly got a whole routine about going to a public toilet, sometimes on a train or on an aircraft, with a queue of impatient would-be users building up outside, to have a piss - and then looking down and discovering somebody else's turd floating in the bowl. And worse, it refuses to flush. Connolly vividly described the horror and the embarrassment of the Superturd sitting in the bowl, leering up at you and laughing, and every time you flush it refuses to go and taunts you with "Hey, Jimmy, is that the best ye can do?" and "Aren't you going to be embarrassed, Jimmy? Having to go out of here with me still in the bowl, and having to say honest, it isnae mine, it was there when I came in? "

Tabletop Games

• They not only appear in Low-Life, they're a playable race.

Toys

• Anthropomorphized plush toys Pee and Poo have somehow gained quite a popularity...
• From The Trash Pack, there are various Trashies made out of fecal matter, such as Poop Plop and Poop Monster.
• Shopkins, of all franchises, has a small pile of pink or purple poop (depending on the blind bag found) with a small dog snout as part of its Happy Homes Petkins spin off. It comes with a small pooper scooper and shovel, also with the same dog snout.
• Tamagotchi has Lucky Unchi-Kun and Super Unchi-Kun, both are poop-like Tamagotchi characters. While they can't talk like other Tamagotchi characters, they can be raised or serve as often useful NPCs.

Video Games

• 77p egg: Eggwife has sentient, anthropomorphic, hostile feces as enemies. You first encounter them in the obligatory sewer level, before your antics caused the sewage to literally flood the whole place resulting in the living poop swarming everywhere. Yes, it's a disgusting game.
• One of the player ships in Space Invaders '95: The Attack of Lunar Loonies!
• The opera-singing Great Mighty Poo from Conker's Bad Fur Day.
• The Dung Koongya in the MMORPG Green Garden.
• Normality has a bizarre Easter Egg involving a rat and some ninja turds.
• The Dingle boss and poop-based enemies in The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth.
• Brownie from Super Meat Boy is made from Doctor Fetus's feces.
• The Turd Minions of Redneck Rampage, though they don't talk aside from incessantly squeaking "KER-PEE! KER-PEE!" and giggling. These little imps attack by shitting on their hands and throwing the turds at Leonard or spinning in place until they explode, neither of which is effective, though still pretty darn annoying. To make it worse, they're ubiquitous in sewers and underwater sections in general.
• In Wattam, the mouth can eat any food characters and turn them into anthropomorphic poops.
• Whiplash gives us a living glob of poop with eyes called The Master. He doesn't actually talk though.

Web Animation

• The Napster Bad series features Nutty McShithead, a human-shaped pile of excrement who is the spokesman of the recording industry, and is also one hell of a Gasshole.
• this Brazilian animation revolves about a cow randomly pooping and the poop coming to life after a two-headed calf tries to eat it.
• In ZDoggMD's "Medimoji" web animations, there is Dr. Crapindra Poomoji. He started off as a caricature of the other Dr. Damania, ZDoggMD's father, and took on a life of his own. (Although (not surprisingly), Dr. Poomoji is a gastroenterologist instead of a PCP.) He is from Bangladesh, and his family is very proud that he has a bidet. He is also the Medimoji that is most enthusiastic about his work, although sometimes he wishes he were matched to a larger hospital.
• Niño Surullo, from the Chilean webseries of the same name is an antropomorphic turd and the protagonist of the series.

Web Comics

• Crap Golems from Erfworld would probably count. Though being golems, they might only qualify as crap-based automata.
• In Schlock Mercenary, Schlock is often mistaken for this. Readers are advised to remember that he consists of a proteinaceous gel woven together by fullerene nerves; while from a distance this resembles the excretions of a very healthy horse, you, by the same token, are a structural bag of no-longer-potable water. Indeed, he has a cameo as one of the Erfworld Crap Golems.
• Dr. Doo Doo from Axe Cop, who is a Mad Scientist supervillain made out of talking poo.
• Played with in Ziggy Pig and Silly Seal (2022); to prevent himself from being recognized during Ziggy's crime wave, Silly Seal spends most of the series dressed up in a Poop Emoji costume.

Web Original

• For his review of the Odyssey console The Angry Video Game Nerd needed someone to play against. He cloned the Nerdy Turd from his own excrement to provide an opponent. It doesn't "talk," per se, but it can make rude noises that clearly is supposed to almost, but not quite, sound like a language.
  • Also James Rolfe's creation Shit Pickle who speaks more clearly, though all he can say is his name.
  • There's also the Bullshit Man, as seen in You Know Whats Bullshit.
• The Nostalgia Critic briefly becomes an example of this at the end of his The Garbage Pail Kids Movie review. "It's turned me into what the movie always was: a dirty piece of crap!"
• Enemil has Shit-Five (Mierdahinco), a living poop that represents a Spanish television channel infamous for plagiarizing other movies and series in his creations.
• The second episode of Surreal Horror Stop Motion series Mad God has a city populated by grotesque flabby monsters that do nothing but eat and shit all day, but a machine turns their shit into golem-like "Shit-Men" who keep the city running. They don't actually talk, though, because there is no dialogue in the series.

Western Animation

• Mr. Hankey in South Park. A later episode also introduces his wife and children.
  Cartman: Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking poo is where I draw the line.
  • Also, according to the episode "More Crap": Bono.
• The obscure John Kricfalusi character Nutty the Friendly Dump, best remembered for Kricfalusi's threat to sue the South Park creators for allegedly stealing the idea as inspiration for Mr. Hankey.
  • Also, the "star" of the The Ren & Stimpy Show Adult Party Cartoon episode "Stimpy's Pregnant". More like crying poo, but still portrayed as an animate object.
• In The Amazing World of Gumball, a minor character that appears sometimes in the background is a poop guy with limbs, though it never had a speaking role. He was nicknamed "Mr. Poop", but this name was never confirmed.
• Axe Cop features "Doctor Doo Doo", a hyper-intelligent sentient shit dumped from a zombie who ate the brain of the smartest man on earth. He uses his Reality Warper powers (obtained by marrying the Queen of England) to create an army of likewise-intelligent poop soldiers. If it sounds like it was written by a prepubescent child, it's probably because it actually was.
• The Nickelodeon pilot, Charlie and Mr. Two about a dung beetle and his best friend who's a pile of dung, respectively. Naturally, all the other characters are disgusted by Mr. Two's presence.
• The Boys: Diabolical: In one short of the anthology series, the protagonist, Sky, after getting a taste of Compound V, develops the superpower of bringing poop to life, which she uses to make turds into her friends.

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