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The Alleged House

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"Ahh, home crap home!"
Walter, The Money Pit
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So, a character just bought a new house. Maybe it's a Big Fancy House, or maybe it's something a bit more humble. The Real Estate Agent says it's a great deal. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

But then they move in, and suddenly things take a turn for the worse. The stairs squeak, then collapse. You try to take a shower, but only end up Covered in Mud. The faucet in the master bathroom won't stop dripping. The back door is being eaten by bugs. If / when they work at all, both the stove / oven in the kitchen and the grill in the garden char everything placed on them, and that's only the times when they don't go off in someone's face like an Improvised Incendiary Device. And it appears a family of skunks is living in the attic.

Uh oh. They've bought The Alleged House. Unfortunately, this trope is all too common in real life. May or may not also be an Old, Dark House, and god help you if it's also haunted. Compare The Alleged Car and The Alleged Computer for the automotive and computer equivalents. Contrast Cool House. If it's a Cool House hiding in alleged house clothing, see What a Piece of Junk and/or Not-So-Abandoned Building.

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Part and parcel of the Shady Real Estate Agent.


Examples:

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    Fan Works 
  • House Of The Rising Sunflower: The lord's tower is in such a poor state that Sundance honestly would rather live in a barn than the noble residence. His replacement cottage is barely better, with his first night in it making him more miserable than he's ever been, and realizing that this is how his peasants have lived for years pushes housing improvements up his priorities list.
  • The Real Denton Affair: Frank lived in a run down farm house, instead of a Gothic castle.
  • A Big Fancy House example is the Hôtel Camélia in The Legend of Royal Blue and La Sylphide. It's a hôtel particulier, a French mansion with a courtyard once owned by nobility. At the time of the story, however, its best days are long behind it. Walls are crumbling, stairs creak, the roof leaks, one phone line is shared with nine people, Gabriel sleeps in the old servant's quarters in the attic, and the camellia plants in the garden haven't bloomed in years. Small wonder Gabriel's grandfather won the whole kit and kaboodle in a stakes game.
  • A Diplomatic Visit: As in the episode Amending Fences, Moondancer lives in one when Twilight and the others find her. In this version, however, it's apparently in even worse shape, to the point where the door crumbles a bit when Twilight knocks on it and a piece of the roof falls off while Moondancer has the door open.

    Films — Live-Action 
  • The plot of *batteries not included revolves around the villains trying to tear down the old apartment, but from the state of it, they may as well have just waited for it to fall down. Fortunately, the Fix-Its end up restoring it as good (or maybe better) than new.
  • The 'Burbs: The Klopeks' is every bit as derelict as those of old-school horror movies and stands out like a sore thumb with the other houses on the street. The only thing that the Klopeks seem to care about making sure is working right is the security system and the boiler on the basement. As a result, lots of physical comedy ensues when the protagonists try to sneak in at the climax.
  • George Washington Slept Here: The broken-down house that Connie buys definitely qualifies. It quickly becomes a money pit and leads to a pending foreclosure.
  • Ghostbusters: Egon Spengler describes the firehouse that becomes their headquarters as such (they still buy it, apparently at Ray's insistence because he likes the fire pole):
    Egon: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
  • In The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo stay at the rundown Happiness Hotel. Its residents sure are happy, though, and they proudly describe their dilapidated home in song.
    Fozzie: If that's the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the sad one looks like.
  • Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Uncle Rob's townhouse is a dirty wreck, which is why it's being renovated. This works out in Kevin's favor, since he's able to use the building's problems in his traps.
  • Loveling: Irene and Claus's house is dilapidated: the tap is broken; the entrance lock is broken, so they have to go through a window to go in; there is a big crack in a wall.
  • The characters Ma and Pa Kettle have two: The house they used to live in, which is the traditional broken down shack, and the house Pa wins in a sweepstakes, which while much more modern and clean, is quite prone to gadget malfunctions.
  • In The Money Pit, buying and attempting to repair one of these is central to the plot.
  • The Mansion the brothers inherit in MouseHunt is a rotting, seemingly worthless wreck that they only move into because they have no other option. It turns out to actually be incredibly valuable, but nonetheless is falling apart.
  • Sheriff Bill Daggett of Big Whiskey from Unforgiven built his own wood frame house on a lonely parcel away from town. While recounting the exploits of The Wild West to biographer W. Beauchamp, both men set out assorted vessels to catch all the rainwater that's leaking through the roof. One of the sheriff's own deputies put it succinctly; "You know, he don't have a straight angle in that whole god-damned porch, or the whole house for that matter. He is the worst damn carpenter."
  • Peter Parker's apartment in Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man 3 is one of these. It's small, it's ugly, and the door sticks. Presumably this is because he went with the cheapest option, being stuck in Perpetual Poverty (not that it stops Mr. Ditkovich from taking what little money he can get).
  • Truly Madly Deeply: Nina's new flat is agreed by all to be just dreadful. The plumbing is shot, and it's got an infestation of rats.
  • One Week: Thanks to snubbed former boyfriend Handy Hank performing some sabotage on the labeling of the crates and their own bumbling, the do-it-yourself house that Buster Keaton's character and his wife construct is one of these. A very windy rainstorm during the housewarming party turns it into a makeshift merry-go-round, for example.

    Live-Action TV 
  • Full House: Invoked in "A House Divided", where Michelle tries to prevent the house from being sold to a previous owner, which means she'll have to move out, by making everything go haywire for him.
  • Green Acres: The Old Haney Place, which former big city lawyer Oliver Douglas buys so he can become a farmer. A run-down old farmhouse with no inside phone (Oliver has to climb a telephone pole to make a call). Renovations take up much of the show's run and are never fully finished; the master bedroom closet, for example, doubles as a back door.
  • Some of the houses fixed in Holmes on Homes.
  • The Leftovers: The house Nora purchases for three million dollars in season two turns out to be this.
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    Puppet Shows 
  • The Muppet Show: There is a sketch where a lazy redneck is reciting a poem called "Life Sure Gets Tee-jus, Don't It?" Apparently unwilling or unable to work, he was poor to the point where he was out of food, had no presentable clothes, and his house was in terrible disrepair. In his own words: "Tinnote  roof leaks, chimney leans..." His house literally falls apart at the end of the sketch.

    Theater 
  • Barefoot in the Park: There are multiple quirks in the apartment, one which sees a lot of use for laughs (and drama) being that it doesn't has a good insulation, which allows the New York winter cold to seep in.

    Music 

    Video Games 

    Western Animation 
  • The latter half of the Arthur episode, "Grandpa Dave's Old Country Farm". Due to Grandpa Dave's inability to take care of the farm on his own, his house is falling apart. The hen house in particular deserves mention, as its roof fell in an untold amount of time ago and Dave has continually ignored fixing it.
  • House of Mouse: The short "Mickey's Mechanical House" has Mickey Mouse putting up with things like clattering pipes and a creaky roof in his house, prompting him to move into a technologically-advanced abode. And then the mechanical house turns into one of these when Mickey accidentally destroys the master remote control, making all of its gadgetry run amok. Mickey decides to go back to his old house, deciding that there's no place like home... because creaky roofs and constant cold from seeping wind is better than being nearly crushed by moving floors.
  • The Loud House: Although the house has been in the family since before the start of the series, the Loud family's house still fits this trope. The episode "Homespun" in particular makes it clear in how severe a state of disrepair it is.
  • The Simpsons:
    • The Simpson household, either from lack of maintenance or poor construction, is often shown with such unpleasantries as paper thin walls or faulty plumbing and wiring. This seemingly explains how the family can afford such a large house with Homer's paycheck.
    • When Marge gets a job as a real estate agent in "Realty Bites", she doesn't do well because her employer expects her to lie through her teeth to trick people into buying terrible homes. And then she actually manages to sell a house to the Flanders family, which plays with this: it is a perfectly fine home in terms of structure, and it definitely is the family's dream home... the problem is that multiple people were murdered there. The Flanders family is still perfectly okay with it once they find out, but everybody else in the cast (especially Marge) feels nervous at the very concept and she can't stop feeling like she swindled them for not bringing the fact up sooner.
      Lionel Hutz: There's "the truth" [shakes head] and "the truth". [smiles wide] Let me show you. [shows pictures of homes for sale]
      Marge: It's awfully small.
      Lionel Hutz: I'd say it's awfully "cozy."
      Marge: That's dilapidated.
      Lionel Hutz: "Rustic."
      Marge: That house is on fire!
      Lionel Hutz: "Motivated seller."
    • The rebuilt Flanders home in "Hurricane Neddy". It starts with the main door's handle popping off, then it goes through one of the corridors having a painted dirt floor (because they ran out of tiles), the main electrical room having lousy shielding and so there is an absurd amount of static and then it goes straight to Alien Geometries territory. We don't get to see any other of the myriad problems there are inside... not that it matters, because Homer patting the door frame makes the whole building fall apart.
    • In "Homer's Enemy", the abandoned factory that Bart gets from the auction turns out to be utterly dilapidated — although he enjoys it because he gets to play with all of the unsafe gizmos. The sub-plot ends with the building falling apart literally overnight all by itself. In that same episode, Frank rants that he can't believe Homer has a such an enormous house when his home is a one-room apartment sandwiched in between two bowling alleys.
  • Thanks to Dr. Seuss's art style, the house in Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You? is an "alleged house" in multiple senses of the word, with more floor space devoted to the winding staircases than rooms and a balcony with a basketball hoop and no railings. But it's also in severe disrepair; the shutters creak, termites are eating the stairs, and when Pontoffel tries using that basketball hoop, the ball falls right through the floor. It's no wonder he wants to get away.

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