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Characters / The Order of the Stick: The Order of the Stick

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The Order of the Stick

For the Order's animal companions (Mr. Scruffy, Blackwing, and Bloodfeast), see Animal Companions.

For Banjo, see Divine Beings.

    In General 

Roy: Let my people handle this, we're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained, quasi-professionals, at any rate.

Led by Roy Greenhilt, the Order is a group of six PCs (plus a familiar and later two animal companions), out to destroy the evil lich Xykon and prevent him from taking over (or worse, destroying) the world.

  • Badass Crew: Definitely.
    • Held the defense of Azure City together almost by themselves.
    • Between Haley and Belkar, with support from the unnamed Greysky Cleric of Loki and Celia, they were able to decimate the majority of the Greysky Thieves' Guild members and incapacitate both Bozzok and Crystal when they were ambushed at Old Blind Pete's house.
    • After the destruction of Girard's gate, the much-depleted Order still poses a credible threat to an entire army of Faceless Goons.
  • Casual Danger Dialog: The whole order gets up to this regularly, due to abuse of Talking Is a Free Action and the fact that they're Deadpan Snarkers. Vaarsuvius and Belkar, however, especially stand out, the former being generally unafraid (of combat), and the latter being a Fearless Fool. Elan gets to do this whenever it's narratively appropriate, due to being a bard, and Roy gets quite a bit due to the fact that his sheer exasperation and/or frustration with the absurdity of the Order's circumstances overshadow his fears.
  • Deus Exit Machina:
    • Vaarsuvius is removed from several fights due to being too powerful, such as falling off the wall during the battle of Azure City, absent from most of the fleet fights, temporarily thrown into an alternate realm of ranch dressing beings, falling down a booby trap during a panic attack...
    • Removing Durkon from the equation is just as tough. He was the only match for the druid Leeky, he's Roy's best friend, and until Elan invested in learning some spells, the only healer. Hence things getting really tense when he's turned into a vampire by Malack.
  • Destructive Saviour:
    • During the first story arc, they defeat Xykon and drive off his minions, saving the world. Then they blow up the Dungeon of Dorukan because Elan can't resist activating the Self-Destruct Rune.
    • During their stay at an inn, they foil an assassination attempt on a visiting king, but Belkar inadvertently sets off the assassins' explosives and destroys the inn. Sensing a pattern?
    • Azure City's castle also blows up not too long after their visit, but here they can hardly be blamed for it... at least not directly.
      Vaarsuvius: It is troubling that we can now recognize our failures by immediate auditory familiarity.
    • And Girard's Pyramid can be added to the list. This time it is fully intentional, though, the Order having no other choice.
  • Dysfunction Junction: Lampshaded by Minrah.
    Minrah: Does everyone in your group have weird emotional issues?
    Durkon: Eh, tha cat's prob'ly fine.
  • Fire-Forged Friends: They build significantly more mutual trust once their goals escalate from loot (and/or justice and/or murder) to defending the world against clear and present threats.
  • Fixed Relative Strength: The groups distribution of power is always constant, regardless of the battles that one misses. Justifed due to the verse. As Belkar's fight with Crystal and Bozzok shows, a frontline fighter can deal with multiple higher-level Rogue-type-classed and overcoming Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards is nigh impossible.
  • A Friend in Need: Not all of them, but mutual assistance is common. Most noticeable — using the trope name — when Roy offers to let Vampire Durkon drink his blood, and Elan and Haley jump to offer as well.
  • Good Counterpart: To the Linear Guild because the trope is enforced by Elan's Evil Twin.
  • Guys Smash, Girls Shoot: All the guys are melee fighters (even Belkar, which makes no sense for a halfling ranger), except for Haley the archer, and the ambiguously-gendered elf wizard Vaarsuvius. Downplayed somewhat in that Belkar can use his daggers as throwing knives, but he probably just prefers the hands-on approach, and with Durkon mixing it up with divine magic. Briefly inverted when Haley takes Roy's sword (to change the target of an elemental that was ordered to kill "the human with the greatsword" first) and Roy takes up Haley's bow.
  • Justified Title: The team name (and the webcomic title) were originally just a reference to the drawing style, but it got a justification in the On the Origin of PCs prequel. See Line-of-Sight Name below.
  • Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards: Vaarsuvius and Durkon are often given a Deus Exit Machina during plot-important fights because they are a wizard and cleric, respectively, and so develop fantastic powers the others lack. This means the Giant often places situations where they can't solo the encounter.
  • Line-of-Sight Name: In response to his teammates' lame attempts at coming up with a name for their group based on ridiculous things (like the fact that they were hired in a tavern, a trait that most adventuring groups share, or that it was a cloudy day), Roy sarcastically suggested they call themselves "the Order of the Stick" because there was a stick on the ground. To his dismay, the name struck a chord with everyone else.
  • Luke Nounverber: Everyone whose last name we know follows this formula, like Roy Greenhilt or Haley Starshine.
  • Meaningful Name: The above Line-of-Sight Name is in-story justification from the Prequel. The true reason for the name is, naturally, that they are Stick Figures.
  • Min-Maxing: Averted. None of the characters have made perfect builds, often making choices that fit their characters, rather than what makes them the most effective. Durkon's focus on healing, for instance, means that he can't make as good use of his dwarven traits. Elan explicitly does this when he starts branching into healing magic (a result of his experience swith Therkla) — however, Elan's build is also the most optimized of the party given that his strongest stat (Charisma) is the primary stat used for both his base and prestige classes (this adds a bit of irony, considering that it's Elan).
  • Player Character: The Order's members are explicitly described as such in-universe, even though the distinction PCs/NPCs becomes a bit unclear when there are no actual players behind the Main Characters.
  • Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: To quote On the Origin of PCs:
    Roy: The rogue is ambitious and greedy, the ranger is a complete psychopath, the wizard is trigger-happy and never stops talking, and the bard is as dumb as a box of moldy carrots!
    Durkon: As I recall, ye called me "surly and unpleasant" shortly after ye met me. [...] Maybe all these folks need is a good strong leader like ye ta whip 'em inta shape.
  • Releasing from the Promise: Originally they were held together by a contract until Xykon was destroyed. They continued after its condition was apparently fulfilled, though, and when Roy discovered that Xykon was still alive (well, not dead), he destroyed the contract, not wishing to hold them together by compulsion.
  • Sixth Ranger: The Order occasionally has temporary members that travel with them when their goals align. Miko escorted them to Azure City and fought with them on the way there, and Celia is an honorary member due to dating its leader. Another is Yukyuk... kinda; V sarcastically welcomes him to the Order. From the end of Book 6, Minrah is accompanying the Order as they head off to try and save the world.
  • The Smurfette Principle or Two Girls to a Team: It is unknown which trope is appropriate, depending on Vaarsuvius's actual gender, but there are at most two girls in the Order.
  • The Team:
    • The Leader: Roy Greenhilt calls the shots.
    • Number Two: Haley Starshine is the official second-in-command and is a greedy thief to contrast the duty-bound warrior. She eventually becomes his adviser on devious lines of thought.
    • The Big Guy: There are three of these in different ways:
      • Combat Medic: Durkon Thundershield wears armor and has a spell that makes him huge.
      • Blood Knight: Belkar is the bloodthirsty one who mainly contributes with physical prowess.
      • Black Mage: Vaarsuvius specializes in offensive magic and mostly goes around blowing stuff up.
    • The Smart Guy: The Order has four:
      • Vaarsuvius is your traditional wizard who weaponizes their intellgence and is a big fan of Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness.
      • Roy, as the leader, is the strategic mastermind and has a mind as sharp as the Greenhilt sword.
      • Haley is cunning enough to analyze cons, tricks or schemes, which is what makes her an effective Number Two.
      • Even Elan can be this when it comes to the comic's narrative and examining narrative phenomena in play (such as knowing anything that is a "million in one chance" is guaranteed to happen).
    • The Heart:
      • Elan is most definitely this, being the sweetest, kindest and most empathetic member of the team. Durkon mentions he is the heart and soul of the team when planning to save him.
      • Durkon himself is the most stable, mature and reliable member through his dedication and solid personality. He can be counted on whenever madness is going on (barring the dwarves' irrational paranoia involving trees.)
  • Took a Level in Badass: Considering the RPG Verse nature of the comic, everyone in the Order gains literal levels in their respective classes as they overcome obstacles. Beyond that, they also function better as a team. As Roy puts it in #1063: "It's just the most probable outcome given how strong my party is these days. We're not the team that freaks out, fights among themselves and runs away anymore." In the same encounter, Haley also notes that they can easily handle enemies that they used to run-away from.
  • True Companions: Although they have a rocky start, they evolve into tight friends with time. It is sealed when Roy rips up his teammates' initial contracts and gives them the choice to pursue the quest on their own choice. Even Belkar has stuck with them till now, despite a few opportunities to defect to the evil side.
  • With Friends Like These...: The comic was at the start all about their personal conflicts. The group's various dysfunctions sometimes look even more insurmountable than many of their enemies.
    Roy: Wow. It's refreshing to not have to jump through hoops to convince the members of my own party to participate in a mission.
    Vaarsuvius: Can anyone endeavor to explain why in the unspoken names of the infernal dimensions we are wasting our precious time at this insignifiant mudhole???
  • You All Meet in an Inn: It's an Enforced Trope. Yes, the Order's initial recruitment was held in a tavern, on Elan's insistence, because it is traditional.

    Roy Greenhilt 

Roy Greenhilt

"Is that another 'Fighters are dumb' crack?"

Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Fighter
Alignment: Lawful Good, Beleaguered Good (according to the Adventure Game)

A very intelligent human warrior with an ancestral sword and a serious problem with his unsupportive father ("Powerful mage, Devoted husband, Passable father"), Roy is the leader of the Order of the Stick. Deals with copious amounts of stress daily, often due to somewhat... er... unreliable teammates. Sworn to kill Xykon as part of his father's Blood Oath.

  • Amazon Chaser: Zig-zagged. Immediately after finding out that Miko is female, he starts hitting on her, but after realizing that she's a jerkass, he stops his pursuit just as quickly. Afterwards he starts a relationship with the much nicer Actual Pacifist Celia, but she is by no means weak and fights in courts of law.
  • Ancestral Weapon: He inherited the Greenhilt sword, his Grandfather's greatsword, to which his family owes its name.
  • Back from the Dead: It takes quite a bit longer than you'd expect in this kind of world, but Durkon eventually brings him back from the Lawful Good afterlife.
  • Badass Normal: He has no inherent magic whatsoever, in a world where Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards is in full effect. Despite this he has been able to take on foes even when seriously outnumbered and outleveled, and is the leader of the Order of the Stick. It's also highly likely that he has the best stats in the group, see Jack-of-All-Stats.
  • Bald, Black Leader Guy: Though significantly more snarky than the traditional example, he is still the ring leader of this circus.
  • Bald of Awesome: He started shaving his head in fighter college. It's a family trait, apparently, and he says he decided to beat genetics to the punch.
  • Bald Woman: While under the effect of the Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity.
  • Barred from the Afterlife: Subverted. He thinks he's going to be locked out because he failed to complete the Blood Oath. But he died honoring the Oath to the best of his ability, and the Lawful Good afterlife doesn't ask for more than that. He makes it in.
  • Battle Aura: Roy manifests an impressive flaming green one through the power of his Starmetal sword during his fight against Vampire Durkon when he finally gets over his denial.
  • Berserk Button: As he puts it:
    Roy: Bad guys not remembering their evil deeds is something of a pet peeve of mine.
  • BFS: He wields a greatsword that is almost as long as he is tall. After infusing it with starmetal, it gains a +5 with a bonus against undead, in addition to its inherent Legacy Weapon effects (which includes Word of Recall).
  • Black and Nerdy: In college, he was unpopular, studied nearly 24/7 in a library, and was once hung from a flagpole by his underwear. It was fighter college.
  • Black Dude Dies First: With regard to the main characters, though he got better and a good chunk of the Don't Split The Party arc was dedicated to making it happen. When it does, Haley gladly returns to her former position as Number Two. All together, the racial aspect of this trope is moot.
  • Blue Is Heroic: He is the main character and blue is the predominant color on his armor.
  • Bodyguard Betrayal: Performs this against Durkon when he is informed that there are no rules against this at the Godsmoot when he learns that Durkon has been deceiving him into consigning every dwarf everywhere to eternal torment.
  • Borrowed Catchphrase: Invoked by Roy against the High Priest of Hel.
    Roy: But as a certain half-orc once said, "Talky man talk too much!"
  • Calling Your Attacks: "Great Cleave!" Note that this is standard for the setting, though — calling your attacks is how you make them.
  • Came Back Strong: Roy trains with his dead grandpa during his stay in heaven, and learns a new sword technique when he comes back. It is played with, because since this is an RPG-rules mechanics universe and Roy was brought back with a Resurrection spell, logically, within the context of the universe, he'd have lost a level upon being brought back to life.
  • Carry a Big Stick: Temporarily, while his sword was broken, he used a club.
  • Catharsis Factor: After suppressing the urge to beat Elan for a long, long time, he's absolutely gleeful to have to fight Nale. invoked
  • Changed My Mind, Kid: Roy does this to Elan after the latter is captured by bandits. The inevitable rescue is then hilariously subverted.
  • Character Development:
    • Goes from using his teammates as a means to an end to A Father to His Men. He also listens to the team more and considers their input before making a decision, to the point where he even starts trusting Belkar to an extent.
    • In #1187, Elan lampshades it, noting Roy trusts them enough to handle things while he sleeps off his drunkeness. Haley points out Roy couldn't even sleep because he mistrusted them so much.
  • Charles Atlas Superpower: His degrees in Fighter College are certainly paying for themselves. Despite not technically knowing any magic, Belkar points out that he is as strong as a giant — owing in part to his Belt of Giant Strength — and once survived being impaled on the horn of a triceratops and on his own sword in the space of less than a minute with few ill effects, shortly after being chewed on by a gigantic allosaurus. In the same strip, he casually grabs a rope two experienced sailors were visibly wrestling with and easily holds it without apparent effort.
  • Chekhov's Skill: Roy learns to time his strikes so a caster's spellcasting fizzles. It comes in handy later, albeit the first time is just an illusion.
  • Combat Pragmatist: He's willing to resort to underhanded tactics if his opponent is powerful enough that he can't win a straight fight. During his arena duel with Thog, he uses discarded crossbow bolts and a potion bottle as improvised weapons, chucks a handful of sand into Thog's face to blind him, and finally wins by goading Thog into collapsing part of the ceiling on himself.
  • Cool Sword: His grandfather's Ancestral Weapon is a greatsword. Now it has been reforged with Starmetal alloy which causes it to glow with green anti-undead energy. Further in the story, it becomes a Weapon of Legacy, and he discovers that should he lose it, he can summon it to teleport back to him.
  • Counterspell: Fighter style. The technique he learned from his late grandfather is designed to interrupt spellcasting, thus giving him an edge versus spellcasters in a world where Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards is in effect. It is later revealed that it's a Secret Art called the Spellsplinter Maneuver, and there's no Fighter alive who knows it anymore.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Roy's coping mechanism for the insanity he endures is a near-constant output of sarcasm. He eventually grows somewhat out of it, when it comes to his father, at least. His Lawful Good deva does advise he cut down on the snarking at one point. invoked
  • Dead Person Conversation: Thanks to the spiritual link granted by the Greenhilt sword, he can talk with his father's spirit. When the sword is broken, Roy's just Talking to the Dead. He doesn't realize it, he just thinks his dad can't be bothered to appear to him.
  • Death Is Cheap: Subverted; it takes a long time to resurrect Roy due to Durkon being separated from Roy's corpse. It was also quite expensive on a monetary level, since resurrection requires diamonds.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Very nearly crosses it when Durkon gets vamped. Belkar of all people pulls him back. He's still in Heroic BSoD mode, though until Durkon (seemingly) regains his free will.
  • Diagonal Cut:
  • Empowered Badass Normal:
    • His Belt of Giant Strength increases his already great strength to superhuman levels.
    • His Starmetal sword also gives him a serious boost, especially during the fight against the High Priest of Hel, where it manifests as an impressive Battle Aura.
  • Et Tu, Brute?: When the High Priest of Hel reveals his true colors, Roy, mistaking it for an Evil All Along Durkon, is left in utter shock.
  • Eureka Moment:
    Roy: I understand. [snaps out of Domination] YOU'RE NOT DURKON AT ALL!!!
  • Expert in Underwater Basket Weaving: When the Order first gets horses, he's forced to admit that he studied goat herding instead of horseback riding because "it seemed like an easy A". He also gets ribbed for having studied Architecture and Engineering in Fighter College, though he's eventually able to apply that knowledge to win a fight.
  • Fatal Flaw: Not paying enough attention to what's going on around (because of a crappy Spot Check and lack of Sense Motive), and thinking he knows more about a situation than he actually does. As illustrated in "Grand Theft Identity". Even worse, crossing into Poor Communication Kills, with the Vampire Durkon situation. He refuses to listen when Belkar tries to tell him, bluntly, "That isn't Durkon. It's something possessing Durkon," though Vampire Durkon's quick use of his powers whenever anyone too reliable tries to share the information is at least partially to blame.
  • A Father to His Men: Albeit after some Character Development, he takes care of his subordinates in the Order. Before that, he was the only one who refused to rescue Elan from the bandits.
  • First Law of Gender-Bending: Roy subverts this along with the Second Law of Gender Bending and the Third Law of Gender Bending. He isn't stuck as a woman because he's traveling with a cleric who can break the curse; he observes that having different hormones is distracting but doesn't act stereotypically feminine while wearing the belt; and he doesn't prefer it to his original gender, despite Durkon checking whether he really wants to change back.
  • Five Stages of Grief: Roy experiences these following Durkon's vampirization. He goes through Denial, Anger and Bargaining all in the same page, spends the following one on Depression, and then gets to Acceptance after seeing Durkon again in Girard's epic illusion. Unfortunately, the High Priests's Durkon-act shifts him back into Denial for some time.
  • Friend to Psychos:
    • Roy is kind of like this to Belkar, even putting in a good word to get the psychopathic halfling out of prison. Although in his case, it's more from realizing that the Heroic Comedic Sociopath is better off in his charge, where he can keep him "pointed at the bad guys", rather than placing his bets on the idea that any prison can hold Belkar. However, while Roy's chief strategy is to "run out the clock" that leads to Belkar's Uncertain Doom, he still pulls him out of any dangerous situation they come across.
    • Unfortunately, his association with Belkar makes him a little too trusting of a vampire Durkon, thinking it's just "Durkon now evil and needs blood, but still loyal to the Order."
  • Gender Bender: While wearing the Belt of Masculinity/Femininity, he is female.
  • Genius Bruiser: One wonders how many points this excellent fighter allocated into Int, and how many people who must have given him crap for it at the time are singing a different tune now.
  • Genre Blind: Usually quite savvy, but he is so guilt-ridden over Durkon's death and desperate to believe Durkon is OK, that he is easily completely manipulated by the High Priest of Hel.
  • Good Counterpart:
    • Played for laughs when he is pushed into this role for Thog. Roy finds it offensive. Which is a Call-Back to The Order of the Stick character page.
      Roy: [sullenly forced to read dialog] Grr. Roy smash puny kobolds.
    • A more seriously played mirror counterpart would be Tarquin, because they are both intelligent fighters and (allegedly) leaders of their team. Tarquin relishes the chance to face him.
  • Good Is Not Nice:invoked Make no doubt that he's a heroic character, but he has little tact and initially has a low opinion of his teammates. It is deconstructed a bit when he dies and meets his Celestial adviser. He becomes worried when his permanent record is brought up. Him abandoning Elan was the big thing brought up and Roy clearly feels remorse for it all. His adviser claims that had Roy not gone back to save him, Roy would've been chucked into the "True Neutral" afterlife as a result of it. Meanwhile, Roy was edging nearer Neutral Good than Lawful Good because of his various pragmatic actions, especially including Belkar on the team. However, the fact he tries to be both Lawful and Good is what keeps him there in the first place. She does advise Roy on the snark and Roy later learns to be more appreciative of his friends and listening to them.
  • Hates Their Parent: Roy has no love lost with his father, Eugene. Eugene never respected Roy due to his dream of becoming a Fighter (Eugene was a proud wizard who looked down on non-magic-users), and Roy resented his father for being a neglectful parent whose over-focus on work led to the accidental death of Roy's younger brother. A good deal of Roy's character arc is driven by his desire to one-up his father and the mutual dislike between the two.
  • The Hero: Character Development has Roy come into this (or rather re-realize since it's why he became a Fighter in the first place). He ultimately wants to take Xykon down because he needs to be taken down, not to fulfill a blood oath or prove himself to his dad. He lampshades how his selfishness had blinded him to why he became a Fighter in the first place when the others had gone to rescue Elan.
  • Hero Complex: Julia accuses him of having one, but in truth it's averted as Roy is too pragmatic for that.
  • Heroes Prefer Swords: Roy is The Hero and the only one in the group to regularly use a greatsword. Although Haley does have an enormous dagger/shortsword/thing and Elan wields a rapier, those are back-up weapons and have their own associations.
  • Heroic BSoD: Has one (bordering on the Despair Event Horizon) when Durkon is killed, vamped, and enthralled by Malack. Surprisingly, it's Belkar of all people who snaps him out of it, but Roy is still clearly shaken.
  • Heroic Willpower: He's the only one who has made a successful will save against Vampire Durkon's mind control. He manages it even though it's a dominate effect and the command is phrased to make it seem reasonable to prevent giving a bonus on saves. That he is a Jack-of-All-Stats came to his aid again, along with the fact that the entire world is at stake means he had a pretty major circumstance bonus.
  • Honor Before Reason: During his fight with Xykon over Azure City. Xykon notes that as strong as Roy's gotten, the lich himself is still a league or two above him, and Roy doesn't currently stand much of a chance in one-on-one combat, and as a corollary to this, offers to let Roy go and essentially grind XP for a while. Naturally, Roy objects. It is subverted as Roy explains the perfectly reasonable motivations behind not letting the homicidal lich control the world and that as far as Roy knows he is still the one with the best chance of stopping Xykon from destroying Azure city.
    Roy: Are you joking? Or are you that stupid?
  • Hypocrite: He very much enjoyed lecturing Miko about her flaws, namely being rude to the members of the Order, constantly policing them, jumping to conclusions and suffering a major case ofinvoked Confirmation Bias. All of these are valid pieces of criticism... but can be easily applied to Roy himself. He was impolite and dismissive to his teammates on multiple occasions, as well as kept them — successfully or not — from committing evil deeds. And he sure has a nasty habit of overestimating his knowledge about a situation. Notably though, he has been shown to be both able and willing to overcome these flaws over time, while Miko... didn't.
  • I Am Not My Father: He became a fighter for the sole purpose of proving he was different from his wizard father.
  • I Call Him "Mr. Happy": Roy calls it his "Trouser Titan" in "The Ultimate Sacrifice", while protesting Elan's idea to disguise him as a woman.
    Roy: There's no way I'm saying goodbye to the Trouser Titan just so I can fool some lame-ass assassins.
    Elan: ...You call it the "Trouser Titan?"
  • Idiot Ball: Despite being established as very intelligent, he grabs the ball pretty hard after his ancestral greatsword is shattered. He refuses the magical sword Elan offers him as a replacement because he plans to have his old sword reforged. He ends up using a nonmagical club in the interim instead, when the sword would have made use of his prodigious swordfighting feats. This was probably a storytelling choice to make his later defeat by Miko more believable. Belkar of all people lampshade how irresponsible it is of him to not have any backup weapons.
  • I Minored in Tropology: He took goat herding instead of horse-riding because, by his own admission, it was an easy A. He also has cross-class knowledge of engineering and architecture, which comes in handy several times. He also mentioned a "mandatory two semesters in Archery."
  • The Insomniac: In the early days of the Order of the Stick's adventures, Roy would pull several all-nighters as guard watch as a result of his mistrust of other members of the Order (with Vaarsuvius and Durkon needing the night to replenish their spells, that left Haley, Belkar and Elan; he believed that Haley would run off with everyone's gold, that Belkar would kill everyone as they slept and that Elan would allow enemy ambushes to kill everyone). By the time of the Order's adventures in the Dwarven Lands, everyone has undergone significant Character Development and have become Fire-Forged Friends, and he's alright with leaving them to do what needs to be done while he goes sleep off the effects of drunkedness.
    Haley: Yeah, remember when he used to never even sleep?
    Belkar: That was because of us? I just thought he had an undiagnosed medical condition.
  • Inspirational Insult: Roy nearly breaks down and gives up on the whole quest after hearing that Durkon has been turned into a vampire. Belkar proceeds to really lay into him verbally, which enrages Roy enough to steel his resolve. Belkar's comments afterward imply that, rather than insulting Roy for the hell of it, Belkar was deliberately invoking this trope.
    Belkar: Of course, it would mean that your best friend got horribly killed for absolutely no damn reason at all. Me, I'm a heartless little bastard. I can shrug that kind of thing off. But you seem like maybe that might bother you at some point down the road.
    Roy: You— You of all people— You have no right to—! [beat] Fine. We keep going.
  • Interspecies Romance: With Celia, a sylph.
  • Irony: His dad gives him a lot of crap for being a fighter instead of a wizard. Come strip #1025, it is revealed his dedication to the family sword has turned it into a legacy weapon, which allows him to be a Magic Knight.
  • Jack-of-All-Stats: Mentally speaking, he counts this trope in regards to the rest of the Order because he still has a fighter's general build. V outshines him in Intelligence, Durkon outshines him in Wisdom, Haley outshines him in streetsmarts, and even Elan has him beat in Charisma. However, his collective Int and Wis are repeatedly shown to be the best in the group and after some character development he learns to see through plenty of guile. He's outright stated to have the stats required to pursue a career as either a Wizard or Cleric. Really, it's not clear whether Roy even has a Dump Stat; it could be he has an average Charisma, since the Deva does not suggest Roy (who is Lawful Good) be a Paladin. He's demonstrably above-average or better in everything according to the rules lawyers in the forum's Class and Level Geekery thread. This is perfectly possible in D&D if you simply roll reasonably high for all your starting stats. From an In-Universe standpoint, it has to be noted Roy has a fighter grandfather, and a father and sister who are wizards.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He has moments where he's more of a Jerkass, but the heart of gold is there. He's lawful good, after all.
  • Joke Item: The Bag of Tricks. It's a bag that fires small animals.
  • Knight In Sour Armor: He does genuinely try to be Lawful Good even if he fails, his bitter remarks toward his teammates and trash talk during battles is his way to cope with the hardships and by his own admission the hope that one of his zinger will force his dad to change.
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: If Rich's description of the fight with Miko is anything to go by, Roy is willing to throw the towel when he deems the risk higher than the reward, as he surrenders to the paladin instead of trying to strike her down. He also attempts to surrender to Thog in the gladiatorial arena, and is beaten senseless with a slab of masonry for his trouble. It is averted during his suicidal attack on Xykon, when he refuses to back down, even when it becomes clear that he cannot win
  • The Leader: Starts out as just the guy paying the team to go on the quest, but he evolves over time. When he's not around, the team falls apart, although, that was also partly due to the party being split by physical proximity beforehand.
  • Leeroy Jenkins: His reckless charges usually turn out fairly well. His ill-fated attack on Xykon isn't an example — he knows he's outmatched and is as prepared as he reasonably can be.
  • Lethal Joke Item: Roy eventually figures out how to use the Bag of Tricks in combat by using the animals as a distraction, and he eventually finds out that there is a rhino in there. Unfortunately, the rhino kinda backfires on him.
    Roy: You know, this bag of tricks isn't so bad once you get the hang of it.
  • Literal Transformative Experience: Roy is forced to spend some time as a woman thanks to the Belt of Femininity/Masculinity, and being flirted with while he's a woman makes him realise how unwanted and demeaning his own attempts to flirt with Miko have been.
  • Made of Iron: Roy has a lot of hit points but not Super Toughness. He doesn't have as much as O-Chul or Thog, but enough to give this impression.
  • Man, I Feel Like a Woman: Averted when Roy dons the Belt of Gender Shifting.
  • Meaningful Name: His family got its name from the ancestral sword, which does have a green hilt.
  • Mistaken for Special Guest: Roy is mistaken for the King of Nowhere when staying at an inn.
  • Mocking the Mourner: Roy gets into a fight with a vampire who was raised from the corpse of one of Roy's former comrades. The vampire looks through its host's memories of Roy in order to find something to demoralise him with, and starts mocking him over the accident that killed his younger brother Eric. Fortunately, this is sufficiently out-of-character that Roy realizes the vampire isn't Durkon and gets a Heroic Second Wind.
  • Morality Chain: To Belkar, in a fashion; if Roy weren't capable of knocking him out in one shot, Belkar would be far more difficult to control.
  • My Greatest Failure: For a long time, Roy blamed himself for the death of his infant brother when one of his fathers magical experiments backfired. While intellectually, he knows it wasn't, since Roy himself was just 10 at the time, he's never fully emotionally accepted it. Meeting his brother again in the afterlife alleviated it a bit.
  • Nay-Theist:
    • As demonstrated by this dialogue:
      Bureaucratic Deva: Let me ask you something: Why did you never consider becoming a cleric yourself? You have halfway decent Wisdom and Charisma scores, you could have pulled it off.
      Roy: Well, this is awkward to say, given where I am, but I've never been that religious.
      I mean, I guess my mom raised me to worship the Northern Gods, but I always figured as long as I don't actively offend any of them, they'd leave me alone.
    • As he finds out at the Godsmoot, however, such a dismissive attitude toward religion in general might not be a good idea in a world whose fate literally hangs on the whims of the gods.
    • We later learn that this was instilled into him by Eugene, who saw gods as "fancy alien wizards" that "crowdsource their magic." He sees it as one of the few good things his father taught him.
      Roy: I think that's probably one of the only good things he ever instilled in me, honestly. That the gods don't deserve any deference solely because they're powerful. If they can judge us based on our actions, we should be treating them according to their own.
  • Neck Lift: Favors this intimidation method for interrogating Mooks.
  • No-Nonsense Nemesis: When he realizes Durkon is an enemy, he foregoes his usual wordiness and goes straight for the throat. With a great sword.
  • Not Now, Kiddo: Tying into his Fatal Flaw, Roy brushes off the deva in "Down to Earth" who's trying to tell him about Vaarsuvius's Deal with the Devil.
  • Once Done, Never Forgotten: Wearing a Belt of Gender Changing to rescue Elan.
    Roy: [whispering] Please do not mention that incident within earshot of my father. I'm begging you here.
  • Only Sane Employee: Most of his job is to manage the insanity of his party.
  • Only Sane Man: The rest of his job is to act as the foil to everyone else's antics. It is played for drama at the Godsmoot, where he's the only who realizes that the assembled clerics could just destroy the (former) High Priest of Hel instead of randomly smiting the nearest vampires.
  • Phrase Catcher:
    • Subtle, but he has gotten "Stop talking!" from more than one pissed-off opponent, due to his incessant combat banter.
    • "You call it the Trouser Titan?"
  • Reforged Blade: The Greenhilt Greatsword has been reforged with Starmetal alloy which causes it to glow with green anti-undead energy. Apparently, it also works against the Damage Reduction of Evil Outsiders.
  • Refusing Paradise: Roy enjoys a peaceful afterlife with his family in Celestia. However, upon realizing that his allies have failed to resurrect him on schedule, he rushes off to search for answers.
  • Resurrection Sickness: Roy lost a level from being resurrected. He also faceplants right afterward on his first attempt to walk.
    Roy: Oh, right. I have to actually move my legs when I'm on this plane.
    Celia: Don't worry, honey, I make that mistake ALL the time.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge:
  • Rules Lawyer: Beinginvoked Lawful Good, his first reflex is to try to work within any system he finds himself in. He's gotten fairly good at abusing technicalities for the greater good.
  • Rummage Fail: His Bag of Tricks, much to his irritation, never seems to produce anything helpful when he needs it - when he used it in combat or while falling, it created small, useless animals... except for the time where it created a more useful rhino, which then landed on him.
  • Running Gag:
    • He makes a reference to the Trouser Titan, and someone else says, "You call it the...?"
    • "NOT THE POINT!"
  • Secret Art: What the technique his grandfather taught him in the afterlife turns out to be. Apparently the Spellsplinter Maneuver, as it is called, is a technique that no living fighters know anymore.
  • Scarf Of Asskicking: Puts one on when they move to the Northern lands.
  • Selective Obliviousness: Despite being generally perceptive and good with people, it takes him way more time than it should to realize that Vampire Durkon is evil when he shows up saying he now serves Hel, because he does not want to believe his friend is truly dead. Especially not since he blamed himself in an earlier chapter. In the end, though, faced with irrefutable evidence, he does realize the truth and act to correct it, even when the High Priest of Hel tries using a dominate effect to play on it.
  • Senseless Sacrifice: Discussed during the Godsmoot. He has no problem dying in order to stop evil, but only if this is a real victory and not just a setback. Even earlier he said that while not afraid of being permanently destroyed by the Snarl, he won't risk it as long as Xykon is still around.
    Roy: Recent lesson, connected to that "dying" thing. Noble sacrifices only make sense when they solve the problem at hand.
  • Sticks to the Back: His sword, though he's now got some leather straps on his back he sticks it through.
  • Straight Man: He is mocked by Belkar for being the guy who reacts to jokes instead of making them in "The Power Behind the Throne".
  • Summon to Hand: His sword develops this ability after becoming a Weapon of Legacy.
  • Super Mode: In strips 1009-1010, when Roy becomes sufficiently pissed at the vampire possessing Durkon's body, his sword emanates a green fire which glows around him, healing his wounds and giving him even more power.
  • Super Strength: Roy already has an 18 Strength, but with the Belt of Giant Strength, it becomes superhuman.
    • In #730, he grabs Enor by the tail and swings him overhead to slam against a table, breaking it. Enor is a big half-ogre half-dragon who must weigh at least ten times as much as Roy.
    • In #951, Roy takes over holding a rope that two of the Mechane's crewmembers had just been straining to keep under control. He grips it nonchalantly with one hand, and it doesn't move an inch. Then Belkar mocks him for it:
      Belkar: I think this whole "fighter" thing has really gotten in the way of you discovering your true destiny as a wharf.
      Roy: I'm going to dance on your grave, you know.
      Belkar: [imitating Roy] "Xykon, you let my father's skiff drift out with the tide! I will avenge it!"
    • A later strip shows he can fight Frost Giants evenly while wearing it, and throw one for a loop by punching her.
  • Thunderbolt Iron: His reforged sword is an alloy of Starmetal, which makes it more effective against undead.
  • Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Roy has discovered that it does when your weapon can be summoned to hand.
  • To Be Lawful or Good:invoked Virtually always chooses Good over Lawful when pressed, but doesn't fall into Neutral Good by virtue of trying to be both whenever possible. In On the Origin of PCs, Roy outright refused to slay the orc camp once he learned they were just there for concert tickets, even though they're officially listed as Chaotic Evil.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Despite being intelligent enough to form cunning plans within limited time and outsmart opponents with greater skill and power, Roy is prone to tremendously underestimating his opponents, especially Xykon, culminating in the battle of the Azure City, where he attempts to fight Xykon, an immortal lich with tremendous magical power, one-on-one, while he is riding an undead dragon, without having any enchantments or spells to save him from the fall, then ignores the opportunity to leave the battle alive and level up Xykon gives him out of boredom. Xykon promptly flies away and destroys his mount, causing Roy to fall to his death, killing him (temporarily).
  • The Unchosen One: Roy eventually takes up the quest to destroy Xykon not because of his father's Blood Oath, but simply because Xykon needs to be stopped.
  • Unknown Rival:
    • Xykon cannot remember who he is (and surprisingly enough, this isn't being faked to tick Roy off. It's genuine). Redcloak does a better job, but it's not until strip #901 that he actually realises the Order is directly working against them (and neither of them can remember Roy's original motive). The Monster in the Darkness uses this to save Roy and crew by noting that Roy is just some fighter Xykon offed casually, while O-Chul is a Determinator samurai who wants revenge.
    • He's so annoyed by not being remembered by Xykon that he's actually a little glad when an evil goddess knows who he is and that he's a threat to her plans.
  • Unstoppable Rage: Even worse than Thog, who he even overpowered when the half-orc was in berserk modes, since his fighting skills are greater than Thog's and are not lessened by his rage. His beatdowns on Xykon and the High Priest of Hel are the best examples.
  • Unwitting Pawn: The High Priest of Hel played him like a fiddle and led him to believe he was still good ol' Durkon with an alignment shift to trick him in taking him to the Godsmoot, where he could bring about the destruction of the world to the benefit of his mistress.
  • Vetinari Job Security:invoked Roy may have trouble keeping the group on a single goal, but it's been conclusively established that he's the only person capable of exerting any level of control over any of them. The Don't Split the Party arc is one long proof of this, but in particular his management of Belkar; without Roy's influence Belkar's projected "evilness" (measured in kilonazis by the archons in charge of the Lawful Good afterlife) would have skyrocketed. When Roy was temporarily killed by Xykon and Haley took over, she had little to no real control over Belkar. "Temporary Weakness" directly acknowledges this.
  • We Were Your Team: Haley essentially gives Roy this speech after he was resurrected, noting that the party completely fell apart without his leadership.
  • Weapon of Choice: The Greenhilt family greatsword. He uses a large wooden club for a while when his sword is broken.
  • "Well Done, Son!" Guy: Starts out as a straightforward example, but over the series he has discarded this motivation in favor of Small Steps Hero. His father's spirit, on the occasions it gets a chance to haunt him, now usually only merits a "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
  • What the Hell, Hero?:
    • After increasingly ignoring his party in favor of trying to get on Miko's good side despite her jerkassery, Elan finally confronts him in a way that Roy can't simply snark off: He asks him calmly and politely why he's doing that followed by asking if he likes some random rude paladin more than his party.
    • After dying, a deva calls him out for abandoning Elan earlier in the strip and says that if he hadn't realized his error he would have been tossed into the True Neutral afterlife. He's also called out for being Belkar's leader despite his clearly evil tendencies, but on this point defends himself competently.
    • Subverted when the party is traveling through the desert. A spice-addled Belkar tries calling him out for using him as Motivation on a Bugsby's hand, but then laughs and admits that he's just joking.
  • What Would X Do?: Roy is a model of levelheaded, intelligent badassery. Elan, Haley and Durkon all say something like "What would Roy do?" while trying to decide the right course of action.
  • Won't Take "Yes" for an Answer: Roy does this at least twice.
    • During his tavern recruitment of the party in On the Origin of PCs, after meeting with a refusal from some thirty adventurers, Roy begins to thank Haley for listening and saying that he understands, before realizing she just accepted to join.
    • In "Shattered Expectations", when the "Being of Pure Law and Good" renders the judgement of the Order's trial for weakening the fabric of the universe, Roy is so much expecting a guilty verdict that he starts saying "it has been an honor" to the rest of the party, until the words "not guilty" actually register.
  • Worthy Opponent: Tarquin eventually decides that Roy is too worthy and holding Elan back from being the hero of what Tarquin considers the real story (about Tarquin and Elan), and so needs to die.
  • Would Not Shoot a Civilian: Even civilians enjoying the Gladiator Games are spared his fighter fury.
  • Wrecked Weapon: In the first book, Xykon breaks Roy's ancestral sword to bits with a shatter spell, spurring a whole sidequest to have the weapon reforged.
  • You Fight Like a Cow: Taunting his opponents is one of his defining character traits.
  • Your Approval Fills Me with Shame: Trope Namer. Roy says it when receiving compliments from Belkar.
  • Zombie Advocate: When he encounters a vampirized Durkon, whom he sees as a Reluctant Monster, he quickly comes to bemoan the prejudice faced by well-behaved undead. When he realizes the spirit animating Durkon's body is playing him for a fool, he does an abrupt about-face with a greatsword.

    Haley Starshine 

Haley Starshine

"Gods, it's frustrating how Lawful you people are!"

Race: Human
Gender: Female
Class: Rogue
Alignment: Chaotic Good, Chaotic Greedy (according to the Adventure Game), Chaotic Good-ish (according to herself)

A cute rogue with a motivation for her theft (if she can't come up with enough money, her father faces imprisonment for life). She is incredibly neurotic with a very fragmented personality. She's also in a relationship with Elan. By her own admission, "Chaotic Good-ish". She's the second-in-command of the Order of the Stick.

  • Action Girl: A rogue, to be more specific. She at one point gathers the adventuring party to save Elan once he gets kidnapped... and likely would have succeeded were it not for Belkar.
  • Ambidextrous Sprite: The position of her loose hair depends on which direction she is facing.
  • Back Stab: Her obvious choice for dealing damage is a sneak attack, because she's a rogue.
  • Badass Normal: No magic but her bags of holding and a couple magic weapons, yet she can still bring down outsiders and monsters.
  • Bag of Holding: Haley thinks one can never have enough extradimensional storage space, and carries a collection of them.
  • Bare Your Midriff: Though the art style makes it hard to tell at times, her top looks a lot like a leather sports bra. She averts it starting with her resistance leader outfit, and later with her "leather armor" in the Western Continent arc. She later lampshades that it was a poor idea:
    Haley: Like dungeon delving with a bare midriff, all I can say is that it seemed like a good idea at the time.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: Haley has an angry reaction when her father judges Elan to be every bit as evil as his father, General Tarquin, accusing him of spying on her and tricking her into loving him.
  • Calling Your Attacks: "Sneak Attack!"
  • Cannot Spit It Out: For a long time.
  • Chainmail Bikini: Haley buys some "leather armor" which is basically just a normal top. So she invokes this trope.
    Haley: Four people on the street have accidentally addressed me as "young man" since we got here. I think some flaunting is in order.
  • Character Development:
  • Character Tics: Sticking out her tongue when she's lining up a difficult shot with her bow.
  • Cheated Angle: There's always a stray hair on the side of her head facing the audience, no matter which way her head is turned facing.
  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: She's the one to take this role most often with Elan, both before and after they're in a relationship. She knows him well enough to include an "Elan tax" in the shopping budget.
  • Combat Pragmatist: Haley has no problem fighting very dirty.
    • For example, she ambushes Crystal as she's in the shower, catching her without her weapons, armor, and protective jewelry, and kills her while she's stunned on the floor.
    • And again once Crystal as a golem finishes turning against Bozzok. She lures her on top of a drawbridge above the waste disposal facility and lets her fall into the lava below.
  • Cool Big Sis: She tried to invoke the "big-sister-bonding thing" with Bandana concerning sudden promotions to leadership. It turns out Bandana doesn't need it, but she still appreciates the effort.
  • Covert Pervert: Not above taking advantage of a discount ''invisibility sphere'' to grope Elan. Or seeing what Elan's charisma is worth "under the hood". Also the first party member to notice the phallic symbolism of a Gigantic Purple Worm. After she and Elan hook up, the "covert" part goes out the window.
  • Cypher Language: She is afflicted with this for a while and several jokes are made at characters attempting to translate it.
  • Damsel out of Distress: Generally speaking, she saves herself nearly as often as she gets rescued, and frequently manages to help other people break out in the process.
    • One of Xykon's goblin minions kidnaps her in Dungeon Crawlin' Fools. She easily knocks him out and rejoins the party, practically before they even notice she's gone.
    • She needs Roy to rescue her from the bandits in No Cure for the Paladin Blues, but grabs a bow and jumps back into the fight the second she's freed from her bonds. The scenario repeats itself (this time with Celia as the rescuer) during the brawl at Old Blind Pete's house.
    • In Blood Runs in the Family, Tarquin knocks her off a ledge into a squad of armed guards and uses the possibility that she'll be killed to browbeat Elan into surrendering. By the time he orders off his Mooks, Haley's already killed all of them with a stolen ranseur.
  • "Darkness von Gothick" Name: When she was a teenager, she went through a Goth phase and called herself "Dark Mistress Shadowgale".
  • Dump Stat: Constitution and Wisdom. As a rogue, she needs good Dexterity for combat and sneak-attacks, Intelligence for her various skills, and uses her Charisma fairly often to bluff with, but she gets drunk very easily and at the start of the comic hasn't really made a lot of good life decisions and gives in to her character flaws, particularly her greed. Lots of Character Development has indicated that she might have been investing in a slightly higher Wisdom score, though Durkon still worries about her Will save when fighting a vampire. It is lampshaded early on, when a mindflayer sees her brain as a caramel sundae: sweet, but with a lot of empty calories.
  • Excellent Judge of Character: She is the best at analyzing the motives of others. She determined that an early character is evil, while everyone else insisted that they should cooperate. That character became a major recurring villain.
  • Fanservice: She parodies this in the prequel, and later plays it as straight as one can with the comic's art style. She decided flauntingly was in order.
  • Female Misogynist: For some reason, Haley rarely gets along for very long with other women, either good (Miko, Celia)note  or evil (Crystal, Sabine, Samantha, Tsukiko — she jokes once she's always fighting "flying skanks"). There are exceptions, however, as she's best friends with Vaarsuvius (whose gender is unclear) and seems to have no problem with Niu (in Azure City) or Jenny (in the backstory), and later Bandana. So it's more of a case of only meeting women whose personalities clash with hers. She recognizes this trait of hers and tries to move beyond it by book 6:
    Haley: Well, historically speaking, it was either that, or we try to murder each other while hurling offensively gender-charged insults.
  • Fiery Redhead: Haley sure can be fiery, but it's downplayed: she suffers from considerable self-loathing and feels it necessary to hide her true feelings much of the time, believing people wouldn't like her if they really knew her.
  • Give Me Back My Wallet: Except that she turns the tables by picking the pickpockets' pockets.
    Haley: Seriously, Durkon, if you're going to get your pocket picked in every town we visit, at least try to attract higher-leveled thieves. Twelve silver pieces and some string is a waste of my talents.
  • Godiva Hair: Haley takes advantage of the Power Perversion Potential of magical cosmetics in "Picking Locks".
  • Good Counterpart: To Sabine (fiendish Number Two) and Crystal (an assassin with a knife and less intelligence).
  • Goth: As a teenager, she was the gloomy, rebellious kind.
  • Greed: Haley's initial personality was all about the loot, though she does receive character development and a real need to collect a lot of money. Although she still really likes money, thinks about money to get into a sexy mood, and has an obsessive desire to polish it.
  • Groin Attack: "I'm sure Durkon can fix that, too."
    Belkar: Did you... did you shoot Roy's corpse in the nuts?
  • Guile Hero: While Haley's definitely more than able to hold her own in a fight, she's also adept at using her wits, her various rogue skills, and her charisma to out-think and talk her way out of problems. In particular, she ends up defeating the flesh golem Crystal by first telling her who was really responsible for her being turned into a flesh golem, which prompts Crystal to utterly slaughter Bozzok, and then proceeds to lead Crystal along and keep her distracted with a heart-to-heart discussion about their mutual rivalry until she's right over a lava pit and then drops her into it.
  • Had To Be Sharp: She grew up in a Wretched Hive of a city, with her father being a high-ranking member of a Thieves' Guild where there was always a chance of being betrayed, cheated, and/or killed by the people she was living around on a daily basis.
  • Hate at First Sight: The flashback of her first encounter with Crystal strongly hints at instant loathing, and that it was reciprocated.
  • Heroic BSoD: She was hit with this early in the series after several craploads of her loot were utterly destroyed in an explosion. Afterwards, she gets an episode of Cypher Language (see above), and finally learns to get over her abandonment issues and openly admit her feelings for Elan, the shouting of which cured her.
  • Hyperspace Arsenal: She doesn't carry a quiver. When Roy is handed her bow and he asks Elan where she keeps her arrows, he says "I dunno. They just sort of appear in her hand when she needs one." Haley proceeds to complain to Roy about not following Willing Suspension of Disbelief.
  • Important Haircut: In "You're It", but latter defied by "Picking Locks" where she uses magical cosmetics to grow her hair back. Like many other things, the trope is discussed: Elan thought the haircut was supposed to symbolize character development but Haley says it was just a stupid haircut.
  • Impossible Thief: In "It's a Shame She Didn't Grab That Script While She Was There", Haley steals a diamond from the cast page, resulting in said diamond replaced with an IOMe (it's not an IOU because Haley stole it from herself).
  • In-Series Nickname: Her "Wanted!" Poster mentions she's also known as "Mistress Nightengale" [sic] or "The Red Blur".
  • The Lancer: Haley Starshine is the official Number Two and is a greedy thief to contrast the duty-bound warrior. She eventually becomes his advisor on devious lines of thought.
  • Loveable Rogue: Yes, she's a rogue, and would you dare say she isn't loveable?
  • Ma'am Shock: Haley takes more exception from Samantha calling her "old woman" than from the lightning bolt she took in the face.
    Haley: I'm not old! I'm 24! That's not old! Twenty! Four!
  • Magic Wand: Pilfers three of them from Z's body and buys a few more, later. As a rogue with Use Magic Device, she can use them...though it takes some practice.
  • Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Haley and Elan once have sex on the back of a giant purple worm. She implies that its phallic shape turned her on.
  • Miser Advisor: Justified by the ransom she needs to gather to free her father. Although she's still plain old greedy too, as fitting for a rogue.
  • Missing Mom: Mia Starshine died when Haley was very young.
  • Money Fetish: A very literal example; Elan mentions that she wanted to do it on top of a pile of gold coins, and she's admitted it's true on multiple occasions.
  • Mr. Vice Guy: Haley is the most common version, since she's always looking for ways to get more loot from adventuring, but won't sabotage saving the world to satisfy her greed.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Her brief nude scenes reveal quite the rack, and considering that she's also an extremely flexible redhead, she's as close to this trope as the comic's artstyle will allow.
  • Multishot: She has the appropriate feat. She doesn't use it very often, but it comes in handy against Sabine (since she's not sure whether the succubus is weak to silver or cold iron), and later Tarquin (to hoist him with his Arrow Catch feat).
  • Never Say That Again: Never tell her that treasure isn't that important.
  • No-Sell: Her Evasion allows her to straight-up ignore damage from a lot of area-of-effect attacks. Lampshaded in "Acid Redux" when she somehow manages to dodge two acid attacks that fill the entire room.
  • Number Two: She manipulated Roy into giving her the position for a greater share of the treasure. It backfires when in Roy's absence she finds herself actually in formal charge of the Order. While she struggles when in charge and is relieved to relinquish the role on Roy's return, she's gradually growing into the position of second-in-command and advisor.
  • Only Sane Man: Takes over this role in Roy's absence and does not like it one bit. Managing the Order's eccentricities is not fun.
  • Other Me Annoys Me: Haley's mental projections annoy her quite a lot, especially Dark Mistress Shadowgale.
  • Platonic Life-Partners or Heterosexual Life-Partners: She and Vaarsuvius have always been extremely close, with Haley only ever agreeing to share a room with V until she and Elan became a couple.
  • Power of Trust: She has this relationship with Elan, in spite of her father's strenuous objections, because she knows he won't abandon her.
  • Properly Paranoid: Thanks to her father's upbringing, she has a problem trusting some people. Sometimes she's right not to:
    • Her first reaction to the Linear Guild is "Evil!" , and sure enough, Elan's long-lost brother is the Evil Twin, and the whole party are assassins working for Xykon.
    • She also doesn't trust Elan's father, or the cleric he works with, and, yup, they are bad, too.
  • Rainbow Pimp Gear: Consciously averted. " the Boots of Speed were totally powerful, but they were, like, lime green." Later on, we learn she held on to them and gets a craftsman to dye them a more suitable color.
  • Rapunzel Hair: Haley gets this in "Picking Locks" after overcompensating for her short haircut before. She cuts it back to something manageable afterward.
  • Rebel Leader: After the timeskip, before handing that role off to Thanh, she runs the Azure City resistance.
  • Refuge in Audacity: She steals two of Belkar's potions to heal Elan. When Belkar accuses her, she guilt-trips him about being prejudiced by accusing him of assuming she stole them just because she's a rogue.
  • Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: "Screw that, I'm just flat-out ignoring Roy right now."
  • Shoot the Dog: After turning Crystal against Bozzok and generally making peace with her, she nevertheless finishes Crystal off one last time because the latter is a danger to everyone.
  • Silly Rabbit, Cynicism Is for Losers!: Grows out of this trope thanks to Elan's influence and becomes more optimistic and trusting.
  • Single Woman Seeks Good Man: Her love for Elan, as she explains to her father: She loves him because he is so pure and good that he makes her a better person just by being around her.
  • Slipknot Ponytail: Happens to her during a trap search (along with Wardrobe Malfunction).
  • Slipped the Ropes: She clearly has ranks in both escape artist and use rope, meaning tying her up is doomed to failure.
    Gannji: Hey, wait. Weren't you tied up a moment ago?
    Haley: That was a moment ago.
  • The Snark Knight: She certainly isn't one... but, on the other hand, her brain is hosting "Mistress Shadowgale", a.k.a the imaginary personification of her self-loathing, which certainly has several levels of Snark Knight.
    Haley: You look like I did as a teenager.
    Mistress Shadowgale: How else would you expect your self-loathing to look?
    Haley: Good point.
  • The Sneaky Guy: As is fitting for a rogue, she has the stealth, the deception and the "sneak attack!"
  • Spoonerism: While drunk:
    Haley: I'm gonna sit on this spin until the room stops chairing.
  • Sticks to the Back: Her bow, unlike Roy's sword, has no latch.
  • Street Smart: Social savy and pragmatism are required to survive Greysky City for any length of time, so her dad made sure she was.
  • Taken for Granite: She blows the saving throw against a flesh to stone spell from Zzd'tri. Durkon later turns her back to normal.
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: "SNEAK ATTACK — BITCH!" V later borrows it.
  • Time to Step Up, Commander: After Roy's death, she is promoted to head of the Order.
  • Traumatic Haircut: Crystal attempts to do this during the fight in Greysky City, chopping off Haley's hair while she's unconscious. It doesn't work, Haley isn't happy about it, but goes right back to fighting perfectly well when she gets back up. She eventually has her hair grown back out through magical means.
  • Trick Arrow:
  • Un-Confession: In "Hawaiian Love", Haley, seriously wounded and apparently not expecting to live, starts to tell Elan that she loves him. She's interrupted by Durkon healing her wounds.
  • "Wanted!" Poster: Shown in On the Origin of PCs (as a resume).
  • Weaksauce Weakness: Averted, but Crystal is under the mistaken impression that Haley is lethally vulnerable to pickles. Just to be clear: Crystal is dumber than a post.



"♪ Bluff, Bluff, Bluff, Bluff the stupid ogre! ♪"

Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Bard/Dashing Swordsman
Alignment: Chaotic Good, Foolish Good (according to the Adventure Game)

A fairly dim but highly charismatic bard with an idiosyncratic thought process and only a slight effect in battle. Later this is mitigated after he takes his first level in Dashing Swordsman. Can be extremely slow on the uptake.

  • Achievements in Ignorance: In "Sort of Like a Reverse Psion", Daigo comments that Elan is more useful the less he understands what's going on. Durkon agrees, and adds that Elan has "ignorance" as a class power source.
  • All-Cheering All the Time: Elan is a Bard, but definitely falls into the "cheering at inappropriate moments" category. Like "Concentrate, Concentrate, Concentrate!" or "Move, Move, Move Silently across the battlefield!"
  • And This Is for...: A subtle one to Tarquin, telling him that he's not a twin anymore before letting him drop from the airship.
  • Bad Liar: Haley explains.
    Haley: No offense, but you literally can't bluff to save your life. In fact, I think your bluffs usually endanger your life in new and exciting ways.
  • The Bard: His character class is bard. He talks about story conventions and has a bard spell called "summon plot exposition". He is described as a "certified bardic genius" by one of a pair of Dwarven bards.
  • Beyond the Impossible: In strip #794, Elan seduces a succubus. As in, you know, a demon who is, by her own admission, an evil incarnation of illict sex. Then he apologizes to Tiny Stone Haley.
  • Big Damn Heroes: One of his Dashing Swordsman class features lets him sense where to go to dramatically save the day, and ensures that he always arrives there just in the nick of time.
  • Brainless Beauty: He's considered very attractive in-universe, even if the "beauty" part is difficult to tell thanks to the art style.
  • Bumbling Sidekick:
    • To Roy until the party got split, due to the counterproductive songs and ditziness.
    • He was this even more so to Sir François in On the Origin of PCs because he was younger and (more) foolish.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: Dishes one out when Tarquin orders Roy, Durkon, and Belkar killed to "bring order" to his and Elan's narrative.
    Elan: You're wrong. You're wrong about everything. You only think you know what's supposed to happen. But we get to decide what sort of story this is and what role we play— hero or comic relief. Or both at the same time.
  • Cannot Keep a Secret: It's a good thing the rest of the Order usually keeps an eye on him, because Elan is very bad at keeping secrets.
    Haley: A secret kind of quest.
    Elan: Yeah, we need to find this guy, Girard Draketooth, and tell him that—
    Haley: Elan!! What part of "secret" do you not understand?
    Elan: The part where I don't tell other people, obviously.
  • Cargo Cult:
    • Elan is currently the sole worshiper of his handpuppet, Banjo, Clown God of Puppetry. Due to the way divinity works in the Stickverse, Banjo actually is a (very weak) god, thanks to the fact that Elan worships him; he gets stronger because a tribe of orcs believes he exists, and worship his brother Giggles.
    • When he, Durkon and a pair of paladins are negotiating with orcs on an island, the orcs begin worshiping Banjo, and steal him from Elan. After getting him and the paladin back, Elan cheers up the tribe by introducing them to another handpuppet: Giggles, the Clown God of Slapstick, who is also Banjo's brother and rival. Due to their rivalry, the orc's worship of Giggles also empowers Banjo (and by extension Elan).
    • He also indicates the possible existence of Banjuhlu (Banjo with an illusion on him giving him face tentacles).
  • Chaotic Stupid:invoked Averted; Elan is Chaotic Good and Stupid separately (and has been working on the "Stupid" part... more or less). Still the Trope Illustrator, though, taken from one of his silliest moments. However, Elan is less Stupid and more Foolish.
  • Character Development: Elan is not so much a dimwit now as at the start, but is still a Ditz nevertheless.
    • Really underscored in issue #889; in the early days of the comic, if Elan was the one to break the party out of an illusion, he'd most likely do it by being Too Dumb to Fool. Here, he has developed enough to realize that his dreams are childish, unrealistic and completely unlikely, including outright calling his father and brother on the fact that they are evil, hateful people who will never be able to be a proper family to him. Thus he convinces the others by pointing out the plot holes in their own dreams, like how they apparently beat Xykon but never went on to break up Tarquin's empire.
    • Another very pointed example is the contrast between early comic #69 and way later, #936. In both situations, Elan has an opportunity to Save the Villain, but makes different choices. In the latter, Elan even explains the similarities and differences to the villain in question, highlighting what he's learned.
  • Chick Magnet: It's been stated outright that he has 18 Charisma (the normal maximum at character creation). Indeed, Elan initially considered this part of his job description and did not understand why Haley didn't care for it.
  • Childhood Brain Damage: A flashback explains Elan being The Ditz as a result of his brother Nale continually Dope Slap-ing him when they were babies.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: He has had many strange ideas (such as "naked = invisible"), and his Genre Savvy comes across as inane babbling.
  • Comedy as a Weapon: Elan's moves as a Dashing Swordman gain more power if he makes a pun while attacking.
  • Companion Cube: Elan worships Banjo the Clown, his own hand-puppet.
  • Consulting Mister Puppet: Averted. While Elan worships his puppet, Banjo, he never believes Banjo can speak (barring the intervention of orcish ninjas).
  • Contractual Genre Blindness:
  • Designated Victim: As noted below, he usually is the one to end up in a hostage situation, most often due to his brother Nale. Ironically enough, it's usually Haley that tries to save him.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Briefly brought to the brink when he's half-goaded, half-Brainwashed (specifically, under the effects of suggestion) by Nale into thinking Haley is The Mole, and almost kills her over it.
  • Disorganized Outline Speech: We can't really not mention the epic one he gives just before the battle of Azure City.
    Elan: Friends, Azurites, countrymen, lend me your ears. Not literally, because ewww. I mean, that would be disgusting. And messy. And since you'd just be lending them, we'd have to figure out how to reattach them all, and that'd be a lot of work.
    Today, we stand here on the wall, preparing to defend this city from the forces of evil. And probably chaos, too.
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. And sisters. Definitely also sisters, they are part of the band too. I think they play drums.
    A day may come when the courage of men (and women) fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.
    And if the battle lasts through tomorrow, it's not that day either.
    It may or may not be the day after that, I'm not sure. Still too early to tell.
    But in case it's not that day, or it is that day but the battle is already over so it doesn't matter, I want you to remember this:
    No one ever won a war by dying for their country. They won by making the other guy die for his country. Which still applies even though hobgoblins don't live in countries.
    They live in caves, I think. So make them die for their caves. Which, admittedly, sounds a lot less heroic than dying for your country.
    But today will be the day when Azure City declared in one voice, "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!"
    And the fact that it rhymes does not make it any less true!
    We'll stand here together and tell our enemies that they may take our lives...
    But they will never take our freedom!
    Unless... unless they kill us, then animate the dead corpses as zombies to fight for them. Then I suppose they've taken our lives AND our freedom.
    [beat panel]
    ♪ Fight, fight, fight, fight the— ♪
    Random Azurite Soldier: You suck!
  • Distressed Dude: Happens often enough that he lampshades it:
    Elan: I wonder if I qualify for some sort of hostage-based prestige class by now...
  • The Ditz: Initially, he was spacey, dimwitted and thought that singing could improve a Move Silently check. This changed when Character Development toned it down. Mocked early on when a mindflayer describes his brain as a diet soda: something sweet but completely devoid of any real nourishment.
  • Dumbass Has a Point: Happens a few times.
    Haley: Am I drunk enough yet that later, I won't remember getting out-logicked by Elan?
  • Dumbass No More: Post-timeskip he's gone from The Ditz to something between a Cloudcuckoolander and a Genius Ditz.
  • Dumb Is Good: His lack of knowledge and common sense is a running gag, and he happens to be the nicest member of the group. Also played for laughs when he knows something the others don't.
  • Dump Stat: Intelligence, and especially in early strips, Wisdom. (Both, especially the latter, are improving, and he has shown moments of Genre Savvy mixed with Simple-Minded Wisdom).
  • Evil Twin: He has one in Nale, who looks just like him except for the evil goatee and perpetual sinister expression.
  • Eyepatch After Time Skip: Invoked and parodied. He wore an eyepatch because it was customary to do so after a timeskip and it made him look firece. Hinjo told him to take it off.
  • The Face: He's highly charismatic and once talked a female enemy into a Heel–Face Turn. Roy invokes this trope when the group needs to talk to someone, like the teenage goblin in the first arc.
  • Face Death with Dignity: When he believes that his father is going to kill him his only request was that he "stab him in one of the less hurty organs".
  • Face Doodling: He does it to Roy while the latter is paralyzed by poison.
  • The Fool: Elan plays with this trope in many directions depending on the strip; foolish, insightful, lucky, etc.
  • For Happiness: Elan and his mother both always try their best to live up to this trope. When he gets a chance to ask the all-knowing Oracle of Sunken Valley a question, his is merely: "Will there be a happy ending?"
  • Friend to All Children: Perhaps due to his child-like nature, Elan is good with the few children we see in the comic, particularly Kudzu, Hilgya's child.
  • Gag Penis: Apparently, having maxed-out Charisma is worth quite a bit "under the hood."
  • Genius Ditz: Primarily due to being Genre Savvy, he's smarter than his silliness makes him appear.
  • Genre Savvy: Although he's been mistaken sometimes, he has a general idea of what's going on. Also occasionally suffers from Contractual Genre Blindness, as exaggerated and, in the process, Defied (when it gives Nale a headache) in "Critical Thinking".
  • Good Angel, Bad Angel: In addition to Chaotic Angel and Lawful Angel, which only appeared once. He dismissed them for being unhelpful.
  • Good Counterpart: To his own brother and father, because he models himself on heroic tropes instead of villainous ones.
  • Got Me Doing It: Haley, Lien, and Durkon have all started picking up his belief in Rule of Drama, though only Durkon's turns out to have any payoff.
  • Go Ye Heroes, Go and Die: His rousing speech prior to the Battle of Azure City, basically told them that they would die and then become enslaved zombies.
  • Hair Antennae: Shared by his brother and father, and they're all idiots (in different ways).
  • Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: Blond-haired, and far and away the most sweet and innocent member of the Order of the Stick.
  • Hammy Herald: For Sir François in On the Origin of PCs. Including when it's wholly inapropriate, like while entering a Bad-Guy Bar.
    Elan: Behold, wretched hive of scum and villainy! The noble Sir François is here!
    Your days of seedy backroom dealings and poor personnal hygiene are at an end, for he is here to wash this corrupt city clean!
    He is much like a giant scrub in that respect. He also has bristles — again, like a scrub brush.
    However, he is not easily held in one's hand and used to scrub cutlery, so that's one way he is different. I'm sure I can think of other ways.
    Sir François: Um, Elan?
    Elan: Yes, oh vanquisher of unpleasantness?
    Sir François: Yeah, see, the thing is that this was supposed to be a low-profile visit.
    Elan: Oh! I can fix that!
    Attention, scum and villainy! If at all possible, please ignore the dashing and righteous Sir François as he goes about his business of making a few Gather Information checks regarding your illicit activities, to better shut them down at a later date.
  • Happily Ever After: Elan's fate, according to the Oracle, because this story will have a happy ending for him.
  • Healing Hands: Has the spell mass cure light wounds from a bard level, and picked up neutralize poison at the same time. Post-Empire of Blood, he decides to take on a "backup healer" role and picks up cure critical wounds, as well as a wand of cure moderate wounds later on.
  • The Heart: He's referred to as such by Durkon. He's more heroic than anyone else and very likable. Even Belkar likes him.
  • Heroes Want Redheads: Takes him a while to notice, but he eventually ends up in a relationship with Haley.
  • Hero with an F in Good: Sometimes because he's The Ditz (to the point at which Roy briefly abandons him to his fate) and sometimes because he's too Genre Savvy, his heroism has few results.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: His obliviousness to his father, Tarquin, being evil is astounding. This isn't so much a case of Elan's ditziness as it is Wrong Genre Savvy — Elan mistakes ruthlessness for the well-intentioned pragmatism displayed by Roy. Also, he understandably loves/trusts his father, and the affection is mutual despite his father's Card-Carrying Villainy.
  • Hurricane of Puns: This trope is required by the Dashing Swordsman class feature, and it is lampshaded by Tarquin when he tells Julio that Elan's vocabulary is terrible.
  • Idiot Ball: He grabs it whenever it has the potential to be funnier.
  • Idiot Hero: He sure is an idiot, and he tries very hard to be a hero. Maybe not as bad since he Took a Level in Badass, but he still has some cringe-worthy moments.
  • I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!: A good one from On the Origin of PCs:
    Elan: Sir, I'm not about to tell an innkeep I just met about the priceless antique shield Sir François carries, or the pouch of rare gems he keeps hidden in his saddlebags, of his purse filled with platinum pieces that he hides in his left boot when he sleeps.
  • Mad Dictator's Handsome Son: His father is Tarquin, a Lawful Evil warlord. Elan's attempts to reconnect with his father after the party run into him on the Western Continent cause conflict between him and Haley, who doesn't trust Tarquin's Affably Evil demeanor and whose father is a prisoner of his regime.
  • Mad Libs Catch Phrase: "X, X, X, X the Y!"
  • Magic Music: Being a bard, this is his stock-in-trade. He primarily employs it for (often ineffectual) Status Buffs, but also makes use of the Song of Freedom ability to free Belkar from Girard's simulacrum trap.
  • Magic Wand: Haley picks him up a magic wand of cure moderate wounds.
  • Manchild: It's a running gag from Elan to display behavior fitting more with a not-so-bright kid than an adult. Notably, Roy has to baby-sit Elan, fixing at what time he could go to sleep for example. When reunited with his father, Tarquin, he spends a full day enjoying the Empire of Blood equivalent to kiddy rides (riding dinosaurs).
  • Master of Illusion: "Master" is a bit generous, but Illusion is Elan's favored school of magic and the one he most relies on when he remembers to use his bardic spells.
  • Meaningful Name: Elan — "enthusiasm"/"liveliness".
  • The Medic: He's become the secondary healer with Durkon's vampirism problem
  • Meta Guy: Genre Savvy is his only form of useful intelligence, and after he takes a level in Dashing Swordsman, he derives his new powers from adventure tropes.
  • Metaphorgotten: A frequent trait of his, especially when giving speeches.
  • Min-Maxing: He's ironically the only member of the Order with an optimized build, since both Bard and Dashing Swordsman are primarily Charisma-based for Spellcasting and Swordfighting, respectively — and Charisma is a stat that Elan has in spades.
  • Morality Pet: He helps Haley develop beyond a greedy and selfish rogue; this is why she fell in love with him.
  • Mr. Exposition: Most often through song, and with the addition of illusory magic to provide illustrations. Belkar lampshades it at the start of the final arc, calling him "Cap'n Recap".
  • Music for Courage: A bard skill is boosting performance with song. He has varying success, though not for lack of trying.
  • My Significance Sense Is Tingling: Sometimes, as a result of his Genre Savviness.
    Elan: ...Hey, did anyone else get that foreboding feeling just now?
  • Naked People Are Funny: "I'm invisible!"
  • Nice Guy: He's solidly "good" on the character alignment. So much so, when Nale is killed by Tarquin, he screams an anguished, "NALE!!!" Keep in mind, Elan knows exactly how evil Nale is at this point — but he's still his brother. See also The Heart.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: The others have to call him on his stupid choices sometimes, especially Roy after the destruction of Dorukan's dungeon.
  • Noble Shoplifter:
    • After escaping the Cliffport prison, he leaves a note of excuse in the clothes shop he's stealing from (since he doesn't have any money at all).
    • Later, he leaves gold after getting a new lute while fleeing Azure City.
  • Odd Friendship: He gets along well with Thog, the evil and dimwitted barbarian - probably because Thog is also The Ditz and comes across as Obliviously Evil.
  • One Stat to Rule Them All: Charisma is the key ability for his bardsong and bard spells, and his Dashing Swordsman levels let him apply it to attack and damage rolls as well.
  • Only One Name: Like his brother and father, he is just "Elan".
  • OOC Is Serious Business:
    • Specifically when dealing with his Archnemesis Dad near the end of the Empire of Blood arc. To see Elan making the 'extremely enraged' face while delivering "The Reason You Suck" Speech, and letting his own dad plummet hundreds of feet from an airship with a cold, blank expression are rather jarring, considering he's a Nice Guy otherwise.
    • He also reacts with teeth-clenched anger whenever Kubota is around and minces no words that he hates the guy. Considering Elan can't muster that level of antipathy even towards the brother who's tried to murder him multiple times, it really goes to show what a slimeball Kubota is.
  • Overshadowed by Awesome: In combat, he lacks the physical power of Roy or Belkar and while he can do spells, he isn't capable of V's firepower or healing as well as Durkon. He's perfectly fine with this.
    Elan: I don't know why everyone complains about being overshadowed in combat. I always found it very relaxing.
  • Out of Focus: Through most of the story Elan has been getting almost as much limelight as Roy, but after defeating Tarquin he has been staying in the background and hasn't impacted the new plotline in any significant way. This lack of focus fits his decision to defy his father by not taking the lead and might even be an intentional (lack of) action on his part.
  • Perma-Shave: He not only never has any facial hair from the start, but after Nale frames him by shaving off his own beard and glueing it to Elan's face, the glue apparently affects Elan's skin such that he now couldn't grow a beard even if he wanted to.
  • Picked Last: Elan is picked last when the party splits. Even when there was nobody else left to pick, Roy still didn't want to pick him.
  • The Power of Acting: The Dashing Swordsman class is like playing the role of a movie style Action Hero in real life.
  • Prestige Class: Dashing Swordman. He's the only party member to take a prestige class (though he needed it most).
  • Protector Behind Bars: The danger Haley is in really inspires him to break out of jail.
  • Pungeon Master: His Dashing Swordsman prestige class allows him to add his huge Charisma bonus to damage as long as he makes a pun with each attack. Fortunately, Incredibly Lame Puns qualify, and Elan uses them to demoralize his enemy.
  • Quirky Bard: Elan's the archetype before taking a prestige class... and often afterwards as well. His genre savvy and ditziness make him plenty quirky.
  • Reality Ensues:
  • Rousing Speech: Spoofed in Elan's speech prior to the battle for Azure City. He quotes a number of famous speeches, goes off in a tangent and then tries to his use bardic music.
  • Royal Rapier: His weapon of choice, although he's lost a few. His silver rapier was given to him by Julio Scoundrél and sundered by his father. Why he uses a rapier is unknown, so its association for "royalty" is unknown as well.
  • Rule of Drama: He mostly follows it, though he also knows when to avert it. Stories are fun, but they aren't worth hurting people over.
  • Running Gag: His bard songs making things worse instead of helping.
  • Sarcasm-Blind: Though Elan is slowly getting a better grasp of sarcasm, it's still hit-or-miss for him.
  • Shattering the Illusion: He's the first to realize the party was stuck in a Lotus-Eater Machine after descending Girard's pyramid, and subsequently assists the party in breaking out of it.
  • Shipper on Deck: In book 4, he thinks Lien and Hinjo need to repopulate the paladin race.
  • Show Some Leg: Early on, this is his primary tactic with illusions — make an attractive female version of the enemy's species. It never works as intended, as his enemies tend to be married, gay, or Thog.
  • The Social Expert: Because of his high charisma stat and storytelling knowledge he can convince people to join his cause with ease.
  • Soft Glass: The Dashing Swordsman Prestige Class gives him immunity against damage from shattered glass.
  • Something That Begins with "Boring": Elan with Roy, while waiting in the dragon's cave.
  • The Squire: Formerly the squire of a paladin, Sir François, who ditched Elan due to his constant incompetence.
  • Super Window Jump: He has taken a liking to glass-breaking dramatism since acquiring his Dashing Swordsman Prestige Class.
  • Support Party Member: Magic Music and the occasional bardic knowledge check were pretty much the only things he contributed to the party for a long time. After taking levels in Dashing Swordsman, though, he's become able to play a more active role in combat.
  • Tempting Fate: Genre Savvy enough to become worried when someone invokes Retirony, for example.
  • There Was a Door: Elan prefers to jump through windows even when doors are present, because his Prestige Class gives him immunity against damage from shattered glass. And because it's dramatic. At one point he specifically jumps through the window because they had left the door open, so he couldn't burst through it dramatically like everybody else.
  • Too Dumb to Fool: When the team is under the influence of an illusion spell which makes them live through their greatest dreams, Elan is the one able to see through it, because while Roy and Haley have somewhat realistic desires, Elan's dreams are, as he puts it "stupid childish ideas that should never have happened". Basically, Elan is so naive that even he can see the absurdity of his fantasies.
  • Too Dumb to Live: While he regularly gets into life threatning situations and makes existing situations worse by his stupid actions, he has not yet died, although this is entirely thanks to his luck and the help of his friends.
  • Took a Level in Badass: He is a quite literal example of this trope. Dashing Swordsman hugely improved his effectiveness because its power is based on his high Charisma.
  • To the Pain: An unconventional version.
    Elan: But me, I have a different method of persuasion. Tell us what we need to know, OR—
    Goblin teen: Do your worst!
    Elan: —I'll cry. You heard me. I'll start bawling like a toddler who dropped their ice cream on the sidewalk. In front of your friends, your teachers, any girls you like. And I'll tell them it's because YOU won't be my friend.
    Goblin teen: You wouldn't.
    Elan: I think I'm misting up already.
  • Upbringing Makes the Hero: Pointed out in an early strip, where Elan's happy childhood with his sweet, loving mother is responsible for turning him into the good-hearted lovable goofball he is, while his brother's father turned him into a miserable sociopath. As he grieves over his brother, he laments that while Nale may have deserved what he got, he might have been no better if their positions were reversed. While we know this isn't quite true, since Nale was whacking Elan when they were babies, it's still a powerful moment.
    Elan: He was your SON! Not a plot element! And if he was kind of a crappy person, it's because YOU made him that way!
  • Wandering Minstrel: He's a bard; his understanding of fictional devices is part of what gives him power.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Does this to V for disintegrating Kubota, using his illusion casting abilities to drive it home.
    Elan: [to Vaarsuvius] Wow, V, you're absolutely right. It's totally cool for us to go around killing people. As long as it make it more convenient for us, why worry? I mean, it's not as if knowing that we need to lie about it to the paladin is a good indication that it may be the wrong idea.
    Illusion Belkar: I honestly don't see any problem with that plan. Rock on, elf buddy!
    V: Your swift progression with illusions is overshadowed only by your long overdue grasp of the basics of sarcasm.
  • What Would X Do?: When forced to think for himself, his default tactic seems to be "work out what Roy would say".
  • With Catlike Tread: Elan is spectacularly bad at stealth, as shown in the strip when he ROLLS A 4! on his Move Silently check, and when Haley has to remind him that singing to encourage his companions to move silently across the battlefield is counterproductive. The one time he managed to use stealth effectively, he immediately snuck back into the bandit camp he'd just escaped from because he felt it was his duty as a bard to seduce the bandit queen.
  • You Fight Like a Cow: It's part of his Dashing Swordsman skillset, but he hasn't exactly mastered this move yet. Although he did quite well during his battle with Nale just after getting the Dashing Swordsman class.
    Nale: We're identical twins, you idiot! You just insulted yourself!
    Elan: Really? 'cause you seem to have a couple more holes in you right now.



"I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. Quickly, please, before they are out of range."

Race: Elf
Gender: Ambiguous
Class: Wizard [Evoker]
Alignment: True Neutral, Arrogant Neutral (according to the Adventure Game)

An intelligent and rather condescending elf wizard. Extremely skilled in the arcane arts, and the most powerful member of the Order (as frequently stated in-universe: casters are overpowered). Deeply dislikes Belkar; the feeling is mutual, and the two tend to play near-lethal pranks on one another. V has a spouse and two children back home, but doesn't tend to discuss their personal life. Vaarsuvius made some powerful decisions during a solo arc that resulted in much alignment confusion and Character Development.

  • Ambiguously Gay: Kyrie's gender is as unclear as V's and their children are adopted, and the background to V's transformation includes a pink triangle. No word on whether that is intentional.
  • Ambiguous Gender: No-one is sure what V's gender is — except Haley, and she's not talking. If anyone says it, they should be assumed to be guessing. Lampshaded by Xykon in #657:
    Xykon: Let's play Hide and Seek. Just to be sure, I'm "It". Actually, so are you, as near as I can tell.
  • And I Must Scream: When the Fiends call in their deal, Vaarsuvius's and Blackwing's souls are separated from their bodies and dragged down to Hell, where they're kept in restraints and forced to watch what's going on in the mortal plane.
  • ...And That Would Be Wrong: Trope Namer, regarding solving social situations with explosions.
  • And Your Little Dog, Too!: Familicide, courtesy of Haerta Bloodsoak. What is "familicide", you ask? It's an epic-level necromancy spell that instantly kills everyone the target is related to and everyone they're related to. There Is No Kill Like Overkill.
  • Anti Hero: Over the course of the comic, V's capacity for ruthless decisions and Hair-Trigger Temper have gradually increased, culminating in them making a Deal with a Devil, a Demon, and a Daemon to save their family - and obtain godlike power into the bargain.
  • Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?: Non-sexual example: Vaarsuvius is quite insulted that a brain-eating monster (a mind-flayer) finds the brain of the fighter Roy tastier than theirs. This is because Roy has balanced mental stats (decent values in Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma) while Vaarsuvius only has high Intelligence. In the eyes of the mind-flayer, Roy is a well-trimmed turkey dinner while Vaarsuvius is a hamburger. He completely ignores Belkar, Haley, Durkon and Elan (shown as an overspiced taco, a tasty but overly sweet sundae, a filling but bland bowl of oatmeal and a can of Diet Coke respectively).
  • The Atoner: After the incident with the fiends and Xykon, V feels an intense need to make up for the bad decision. This happens again, after learning that the familicide spell V used to kill the black dragons has wiped out the Draketooths, and anyone related to them.
  • Badass Boast: Vaarsuvius specialises in producing these:
    Vaarsuvius: Your simple mind cannot possibly grasp the means with which I wrested the beast from the jaws of reality, leaving naught but a small pile of carpet sweepings.
  • Badass Bookworm: The person who spends all their time reading scrolls instead of "jogging" is easily the most powerful member of the Order, at least as long as V has spells remaining. It's to the point where the only characters seen onscreen who aren't Gods or similarly powerful entities that can be sure of overpowering them in a straight fight are Xykon, Redcloak, the Ghost of Soon and V's Master Aarindarius (by implication, since Aarindarius was supposed to be capable of crushing the elder Black Dragon that had trounced V with little effort) — though Laurin and Miron might be in with a shout — all of whom are ridiculously high level. This leads to a lot of Deus Exit Machina. Note that V became an adventurer to get more XP for spell research.
  • Bad Dreams: Or rather, Bad Trance Memories, complete with the Catapult Nightmare. Azure City soldiers beg V for help only to be slaughtered while the elf hides behind an invisibility spell.
  • Baleful Polymorph: Spends several comics turned into an small purple lizard.
  • Berserk Button: Do not question Vaarsuvius's magic skills.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Vaarsuvius all but single-handedly turns the weakened Order's fight against Tarquin's army from a desperate last stand to a winnable fight just by showing up — timely stoneskin, fireball and wall of fire spells give much needed breathing room and turn the tide.
  • Boring, but Practical: After becoming The Atoner, V has learned to reject flashy, dangerous spells, and instead uses less glamorous, but highly effective ones, like casting greater extended invisibility on Haley to give her unlimited Sneak Attacks, using mass suggestion to incapacitate a group of giants with a single spell (as opposed to multiple damage attacks which may not kill all of them), or using a Counterspell to render an enemy spellcaster useless.
  • Borrowed Catch Phrase:
    Vaarsuvius: [shooting Zz'dtri with quarrels] I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is "Sneak Attack, bitch."
  • Break the Haughty: V getting trounced by a black dragon, and specifically by getting their magic negated during said trouncing, turning V into a desperate stooge. Then after becoming effectively omnipotent, V decides to take on Xykon single-handedly, and gets trounced a second time. This double breaking leads to a more humble elf wizard.
  • Brought Down to Normal: What do you get if you put a powerful elven arcane spellcaster inside a sphere of Anti-Magic? A fragile, pointy-eared monkey.
    Black Dragon: While I? Am still a dragon.
  • Byronic Hero: V has a troubled backstory, a cranky personality, and yet still helps Roy after the contract was ripped up. However, V completely lacks the charisma associated with this trope.
  • Calling Your Attacks: It is justified, since in this world, a wizard has to say the spell's name in order to properly perform it. It is subverted on occasion, as Vaarsuvius has both shouted out spell names for spells not prepared, and produced the effects of a spell without casting. In an early case, boasting at length about the magical power at their beck and call ended up putting the monsters to sleep, which the rest of the Order mistook for the Sleep spell. In another case, V yells "Shout!" ... but did not, in fact, prepare the spell that day.
  • Can't Argue with Elves: Try arguing with Vaarsuvius. Haley basically smacked V on the head after one too many "And the problem with that would be...?" replies in On the Origin of PCs.
  • Character Development: Initially, Vaarsuvius had little to no respect for their teammates, solved most problems with magical explosions and refused to admit any sort of failure on their part. All of these traits have been greatly diminished after the Don't Split the Party arc. Starting with the Empire of Blood arc, V is much more considerate of their companions' opinions, fights intelligently by utilizing their abilities and has adopted making up for their past mistakes as a major part of their motivation.
  • Charm Person: Suggestion, charm and dominate spells form part of V's arsenal, and are typically employed if an opponent cannot be blasted with evocations for whatever reason.
  • Comically Missing the Point: Sometimes has trouble with the concept that wizards aren't all-powerful gods of destruction compared to the non-magic using classes.
    Vaarsuvius: Thrice-cursed Spell Resistance! It's almost like the universe is trying to deliberately force some form of arbitrary equality between those of us who can reshape matter with our thoughts and those who cannot.
  • Consummate Professional: V started out business-like and polite. Then the elf became insufferable and needed their familiar to point out that it's not socially acceptable to solve social problems with explosions.
  • Counterspell: Makes good use of this tactic during the fight against Samantha the bandit sorceress, noting that it is a legitimate, if seldom-used, means of disabling a spellcaster. Pops up again during the battle against Thrym's forces in the Dwarven mountains, with V repeatedly counterspelling the lead cleric's attacks to prevent damage to the Mechane. This time it's both a useful tactic and a plot element - recognizing that V has learned there are times when fighting defensively is better than deploying overwhelming force.
  • Creature of Habit: Qarr suspects that V's "invisibility before peeing" is a result of knowing he's there; although the elf HAS known he's there, the invisibility is a habit V picked while being part of the Order.
    Vaarsuvius: It frustrated a halfling I once knew to no end.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: Gets this on two levels:
    • Vaarsuvius is devoted to arcane knowledge, at the expense of everything else. This comes up twice in fairly quick succession when facing enemies that not only outclass the elf in magic but can also easily kill V in hand-to-hand combat: the ancient black dragon and Xykon.
    • Their chosen school is Evocation, meaning V is barred from using any Conjuration spells, many of which are generally regarded as the most useful arcane spells that can be learned. Their inability to cast Teleport (and in one instance, Plane Shift) as a result of this has caused problems for the Order.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Only second to Roy in the snark, and even more deadpan.
    Belkar: I just told you that he tried to kill me!
    Vaarsuvius: Oh my, what a completely unprecedented reaction to spending more than ten minutes in your company.
  • Deal with the Devil: Specifically, deal with the Devil, the Demon, and Daemon, and explicitly, a timeshare on V's soul in exchange for fantastic arcane power. V is theirs for 44:16. 20:35 have been spent by the end of the Empire of Blood arc.
  • Deus Exit Machina: Despite having their share of weaknesses that you would expect from a wizard, Vaarsuvius is sometimes removed from the party to keep the Main Characters from using V's extensive powers.
  • Deus ex Machina: Dark V wraps up several story conundrums with a snap of their fingers, such as completing the relocation of Azure City refugees with Mass Teleportation, and even with their normal power they off the Bad Guy of the Week, just to move the story ahead. Naturally, it doesn't last long as Xykon is stronger than them regardless due to him not requiring Soul Splices. It's played for laughs in regards to reuniting the Order, as their teammates found mundane solutions just as V is about to use their mega-power magic solution.
  • Disintegrator Ray: V likes to disintegrate a lot, notably offing the adolescent black dragon, Kubota, and later finishing the ancient black dragon this way.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: V'll return manyfold. V expects one-fourth of the black dragon race being dead, and that is forgetting the hybrids.
    Vaarsuvius: This — and no less — is the price of threatening my family. Disintegrate.
  • Drama-Preserving Handicap: In addition to the Deus Exit Machina, V's whole build is this trope. Specializing in Evocation while barring Conjuration and Necromancy is generally agreed upon to be the worst way to play a wizard — and in this case, necessary to keep V from being way too powerful.
  • Dumb Is Good: Vaarsuvius is sometimes condescending towards others simply because of their lesser intelligence, making this an example of the "smart people are mean" part of the trope.
  • Dump Stat: Strength (can only carry one Bag of Holding), Constitution (elf; plus a backstory that involves studying, but little exercise), and Charisma (genuinely worried about being capable of apologizing to a friend). Hell, looking at decisions over the course of the comic, Wisdom is looking iffy too, especially pre-splice (though this seems to have improved), and V's Dexterity is nothing worth writing home about (despite having an Elf's proficiency with a bow, V states that they're nowhere near good with it). Vaarsuvius's status as master of the dump stat has been lampshaded when V's singular focus on Intelligence was compared to Roy's extremely wide point spread as in the difference between a well-trimmed hamburger and a roast turkey dinner.
  • Elfeminate: The main reason for the ambiguous gender is V's elf heritage.
  • Eureka Moment: During their fight with Zz'dtri at the Empire Arena.
    Vaarsuvius: How in the infinite planes of existence am I supposed to be capable of defeating a wizard who has tailored not just their daily spells but their very build specifically to defeat... me.
  • Everything's Better with Rainbows: Prismatic spray is one of V's most powerful attack spells, with each color of light producing a different effect, including setting the target on fire, stunning it, banishing it or turning it to stone.
  • Evil Is Not a Toy: V knows that, but unfortunately chooses to ignore it and accepts the IFCC's deal. The decision turns out badly for the elf.
  • Evil Laugh: "Ha ha HA ha ha HA ha HA ha! Wait... why am I laughing? I don't... the voices..."
  • Evil Makeover: The Soul Splice turns his robe black and makes his hair crazy; though V isn't affected apart from appearances.
  • Expository Hairstyle Change: V started out with their hair short and with a circlet, but has since switched to longer, shaggier style that is pulled back and tied off. This seems to coincide with V realizing that absolute power is not all it's cracked up to be, as well as letting go of their family. It helps that this was after coming down from an episode of Power Makes Your Hair Grow.
  • Expo Speak Gag: V's comedic stock-in-trade.
    Vaarsuvius: Fascinating. Durkon, I have just now formulated a theory that encompasses both Nale's likely method of engagement and the most suitable response on our part.
    Vaarsuvius: Ah, I see you have already grasped the core principles of my theory.
  • Fatal Flaw:
    • Pride in the power of arcane magic, to the point where V's inability to admit to needing help has been a major factor in accepting a Deal with the Devil.
    • Their poor social skills tend to cause a lot of problems. During the Battle for Azure City, V is too embarrassed to admit that they are out of spells to use. While V could have explained this and suggested a fighting retreat, they instead turn invisible and flees. Half the remaining army panics, some even dropping their weapons in the process, while the other half gets angry and tries holding onto an untenable defensive position. Both groups are slaughtered. That level of slaughter is on par with Belkar, but unlike Belkar, V has a conscience and is almost driven insane from the guilt. Instead of seeking help and advice for this event, V instead pushes people away further, again, leading to the Deal with the Devil.
    • It's All About Me is V's other flaw, which is still an issue even after It's All My Fault. Blackwing's role becomes hir conscience when s/he realizes s/he needs one.
  • Finger Poke of Doom: "Disintegrate."
    Vaarsuvius: Not if my index finger has anything to say about it. And, as it turned out, it had quite the stirring dissertation prepared on that very subject.
  • Fire-Forged Friends: V finally learns to treat Blackwing as an equal after witnessing the latter's bravery when he plays a vital role in V and O-Chul's attempt to destroy Xykon's phylactery.
  • Flight: With the overland flight spell, and V can also bestow it upon others.
  • Flipping the Bird: "Bugsby's Expressive Single Digit!" *flip!*
  • Functional Magic: As fitting for a Dungeons & Dragons comic. Vaarsuvius is explicitly an evoker, with necromancy and conjuration as forbidden schools.
  • Glass Cannon: V can dish out lots of damage, but as your archetypal Squishy Wizard, is much less adept at taking it.
  • A God Am I: The IFCC warn V that the Soul Splice's side effects include "feelings of omnipotence" and indeed V soon believes that V can solve all the party's problems single-handily. Disabusing the elf of this notion is part of Xykon's "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
  • Good Counterpart: To Zz'dtri (terse dark elf) and Pompey (clearly male half-elf).
  • Good Hair, Evil Hair: Once the Soul Splice is completed, V's hair grows quite long and wild. Upon reverting, it's tied up into a ponytail.
  • Grammar Nazi: As shown in one of the strips in Snips, Snails and Dragon Tails, V hates sentences that end in prepositions.
  • Guile Hero: While V has no problem blasting minor problems into oblivion, V is usually not in position to solve problems with main force, and must rely on their wits and intelligence instead, which V usually does admirably (eventually; no V arc is possible without some serious false starts). There is one notable exception...
  • Happily Married: V and Blackwing make this a Discussed Trope. No one can deny that V loves Inkyrius, and V believes that they had a good relationship, but Blackwing points out the truth. V has been away from their family for six years learning arcane magic, and even when the elf was home, V was emotionally absent. This is where V realizes that V has been a terrible mate and does not contest the divorce.
  • Hearing Voices: During the Soul Splice, Vaarsuvius's three "subcontractors" talk a lot amongst themselves and can be heard audibly. It's later revealed that they had as much influence over V's actions alignment-wise as cheerleaders do over the outcome of a football game.
  • Heroic BSoD:
    • Vaarsuvius is driven insane by guilt over a perceived failure in Azure City, as well as many failures afterward. As a result, the elf during Don't Split The Party is obsessed with not failing and, by extension, with finally succeeding at something that will prove that V is not a failure.
    • Vaarsuvius has a bigger one when realizing the actual effects of the familicide spell: V learns that not only did the spell kill all black dragons directly related to the ancient black dragon the spell was initially cast on, but also the entire Draketooth family, who descended from a black dragon, and everybody the Draketooths had children with, and their families...
      Vaarsuvius: [curled on the floor] My fault. I am the cause. It sprang from my brow.
  • Hero with an F in Good: V has had some memorable Nice Job Breaking It, Hero! moments, such as familicide, leading to the death of the Draketooth family, which leaves their gate undefended.
  • He's Back: With a hell of a bang. With three spells, V turns the tide of battle.
  • Hidden Depths: Turns out to be very knowledgeable with regards to romance on account of already being married. Subverted later on when it's pointed out that V hasn't exactly been the most attentive mate and Inkyrius ends up filing for divorce.
  • Holding Back the Phlebotinum: Vaarsuvius is usually knocked out of fights quickly to prevent Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards from taking place. When V is able to participate, the fight either ends quickly or is against a powerful opponent with some form of magic resistance. This only gets more pronounced as the comic goes on and Vaarsuvius theoretically becomes more and more powerful compared to the rest of the party:
    • When the party faces a Black Dragon, Vaarsuvius has been polymorphed into a lizard, barring V from most of their spells. Even so, V is still the one to defeat it.
    • In a battle in Cliffport, Vaarsuvius immediately gets knocked out of the fight via a combination of poor tactics and being too close to a melee combatant.
    • In the battle for Azure city, Vaarsuvius gets separated from the rest of the party and the elf is still the member of the Order with the largest contributions to the battle.
    • V holds them self back when a caravan comes under attack so as to repress their more undesirable personality traits, namely their ego.
    • When they are attacked by a pair of bounty hunters, V is immediately disabled by a bolt with strength-reducing poison.
    • In Girard's ziggurat, V is completely paralyzed with guilt at having killed thousands of innocents and then literally paralyzed by the IFCC, thereby making very few contributions to the Order's activities.
    • Demonstrated when pteranadon-mounted soldiers attack V, Haley and Elan; Haley starts rapping out a complex plan of attack, V just chain-lightnings the entire squadron.
      Haley: Oh, yeah. Wizard.
    • Vaarsuvius doesn't respond to Blackwing's empathic cry for help because Blackwing had already sent too many over trivial and paranoid fears. As a result, the animal companions are placed in serious danger and a vampire gets away with an important magic item.
  • Idiot Ball:
    • V gets slammed with it in the epic battle versus Xykon, despite having more than enough sheer power on hand to win if the battle were fought in a halfway intelligent manner. It is Justified due to V's overwhelming power trip and arrogance.
    • The Oracle all but tells V that the price for ultimate arcane power would be too high. Vaarsuvius only hears that the power sought is coming.
    • V also assumed the IFCC would only have their soul after they died. The IFCC calmly tell V that was an assumption. No-one ever said they couldn't invoke their payment before V died.
  • Ignored Epiphany:
    • Even if The Plan they laid out was unworkable, the fiends make sure that V is aware of the fact that the true motives for accepting their deal were pride and desire for ultimate power, rather than any nobler goal. Despite this being thrown in V's face, the elf accepts the deal. V later learns the lesson, but only after the damage is done.
    • V's question of the Oracle has the Oracle strongly hint that the cost of V's desire for power would come at a terrible price due to V's pride. V only notices that the power sought will be achieved.
  • Immortality Begins at 20: Amusingly averted; according to V, one of the main drawbacks to an elven lifespan is twenty years in diapers.
  • Important Haircut: After the events of the Soul Splice, V abandons their circlet and begins keeping their hair in a much more humble ponytail.
  • Inferiority Superiority Complex: V believes themself to be superior and thus obsessed with demonstrating it. This is especially bad during the Don't Split the Party arc; during a string of (partially perceived) heavy failures and PTSD to boot, V becomes impossible to live with.
  • In-Series Nickname: The rest of the Order often calls them just V. Belkar sometimes calls them Ears. Inkyrius calls them Suvie.
  • The Insomniac: As an elf, V doesn't need to sleep, but after the fall of Azure City, they also stop trancing because of stress and the guilt over leaving Haley behind, and being unable to save the Azure soldiers from being massacred. V says they stopped because trancing is an inefficient waste of time, but it's shown to be because they're having nightmares. The physical and mental deterioration is obvious, as V becomes pale and sickly, and even more short-tempered and impatient than usual.
  • Insufferable Genius: Yes, V is the most powerful member of the Order by a large margin. That doesn't mean V should bring it up all the time. It is less prominent after an episode of Break the Haughty, and then being confronted with the massive consequences of what may be V's biggest mistake.
  • Insult to Rocks: V apologies to the tables of the world for comparing them to Belkar.
  • It's All My Fault: V's reaction to realizing the full implication of familicide is taking full responsibility, and it's actually true in this case. However, it's also an important turning point in Vaarsuvius's character arc, as the elf refuses any potential loopholes, justifications, or excuses for the act in question and insists that the responsibility is theirs and theirs alone.
  • It's Not You, It's My Enemies: Part of V's reason for not contesting the divorce, is that powerful people have tried to hurt V's family, and V doesn't want that to happen again.
  • Jerkass: Often arrogant and sometimes pity. During the Don't Split the Party arc, a combination of guilt, bad dreams, and trance-deprivation make V even worse and it culminates with V threatening to kill Elan.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: V has good qualities beneath the haughty exterior, and is trying to become a better person with Blackwing's help.
  • Just Eat Him: Swallowed once by an owlbear and twice by black dragons...
  • Kick the Dog: Taunting the black dragon about her dead son. There's no excuse for that, and it illustrates how close V is to an evil alignment before the fiends show up. Kubota spent a page explaining to Elan why he was going to become a Karma Houdini despite surrendering, so V disintegrating him is understandable from an Anti Hero perspective, but V heard none of it, so it also counts towards V's alignment confusion post-Azure City's invasion. Worse, V's actions raised the ire of Tiamat herself, with the IFCC promising the death of a greater number of good dragons as retribution, not to mention the rest of the black dragons, if not all chromatic dragons, will probably want a word with them.
  • Kick the Son of a Bitch: Honestly, Kubota had that disintegration coming. However, V had no idea who he was, or even his alignment. For all V cared, he was just a distraction from the mission to kill Xykon.
  • Kill It with Fire: Fireball or scorching ray are often the first choice of offensive spells.
    Vaarsuvius: Burn, you insufferably terse dullard!!
  • Knight Templar Parent: As part of their epic Heroic BSoD, he sets a long-distance record for Jumping Off the Slippery Slope with this trope when fighting the mother black dragon. With this mindset, the solution to prevent this kind of thing from happening again is clearly to wipe out the opposing family and anyone related to them.
  • Lack of Empathy: V does eventually to recognize their emotional neglect of their spouse but too late to save their marriage or the quest for Girard's Gate. It also leads V to ignore Blackwing when he sends an empathic distress call while a vampire attacks him and steals a vital teleportation crystal from their quarters, though Blackwing had been Crying Wolf for some time before.
  • Last-Name Basis: Calls Roy "Sir Greenhilt", Haley "Miss Starshine" and Durkon "Master Thundershield", and tends to follow a similarly formal, professional pattern for other people. Just about the only people V doesn't refer to this way are Belkar (probably reflecting their level of respect for him) and Elan (quite possibly true again, but then he doesn't actually have a given surname). Notably, V doesn't call Belkar or Elan by their first names, either — generally using "the halfling" or "the bard," and variations thereof.
  • Let Us Never Speak of This Again:
    • The incident in which Belkar kissed V whilst drunk must only ever be referred to as "The Event".
    • The two days spent in the Semi-Elemental Plane of Ranch Dressing after being sent there by Zz'dtri is a story Vaarsuvius would much rather have go untold, especially in the books.
  • Lethal Joke Item: Doilies are the key to ultimate arcane power!
  • Levitating Lotus Position: Vaarsuvius floats in this position while in a trance to regain spells.
    • Belkar took advantage of this once to play a prank on V.
    • V also does it in the Draketooth temple after calming down and awaiting doom at the hands of what the elf thinks is a Revenant.
  • Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards:
    • By the #600 comic point, V has incredibly powerful magic available, and is the most powerful of The Team (by quite a lot) in terms of sheer damage-causing ability. This is tempered by V's "barred" schools, and the fact that if the elf gets too close to the action and gets either knocked out, gagged, paralyzed, transformed (lizard), or runs out of spells, he will become less helpful than Elan. This is a causative factor behind a Heroic BSoD. Because of what happened in the flashback strip "Running Away".
    • Played with and ultimately defied in "Right Tool for the Job". V is up against a character who has tailored his very build to shut down the elf's entire spell list directly, even at its most effective. V gets around this by dominating the mind of an enemy crossbowman (crossbowkobold?), and correctly estimates the physical bolts as a weakness to be exploited. Hence, for all the supreme power V has, victory is achieved by using a ranger's abilities instead.
  • Loves the Sound of Screaming: Only the screams of people that are really hated. For example, forcing the Linear Guild's third kobold Yukyuk to serve as Mr. Scruffy's litter box while he is under mind control, and V is very much aware of what's going on; V, as the one controlling him, is the only one who can hear his screams.
    Vaarsuvius: His silent screams are a symphony I cannot share.
  • Mass Teleportation: During the Soul Splice. "Epic Teleport!"
  • Moment of Weakness: Guilt, trance-depravation, physical injury, their family seconds away from a Fate Worse than Death, and their fundamental sheer arrogance are all contributing factors in their Deal with the Devil.
  • Morality Chain:
    • According to the books, Haley helps rein in V, and her absence contributes to V's breakdown in Don't Split the Party.
    • Blackwing has taken on this role to keep destruction to a minimum.
  • Morphic Resonance: V keeps a pink or purple color scheme whenever transformed.
  • Muggle–Mage Romance: Is married to a baker, though the relationship suffers from Vaarsuvius being much more invested in their pursuit of arcane power than in their spouse. Ultimately, the baker files for divorce.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: Not so different from Belkar and Miko on this point, despite hating those two. Notably, over mere interaction problems:
    Vaarsuvius: As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: When V comes down from the power high of the Soul Splice, V can only look back in horror at what they've done. V shuts down on realizing that that the Draketooth family are all descendants of an ancient black dragon.
  • My Greatest Failure:
    • Vaarsuvius is distraught over not having had enough power to win the battle at Azure City (though the wall would've fallen much earlier without V's aid), and failing to overcome the cloister spell (though the elf very nearly succeeded with the bird-messengers, if not for a freak incident that was no fault of anyone).
    • The reconciliation with Durkon counts, as V is incredibly regretful of how the immense power gained from the Fiends was used and how, only after receiving a withering speech from Xykon after being defeated did V become truly effective.
    • Vaarsuvius goes through it again when realizing that the familicide spell inadvertently killed the Draketooth family. And anyone they reproduced with and their families.
  • Nerf: V can't cast teleport, through no fault of their own because when came the choice of opposed schools, teleportation was not a conjuration spell, thus V thought it was safe to take conjuration as an opposed school.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!:
    • invokedWhether or not the black dragons Vaarsuvius murdered were Acceptable Targets, the sheer undiscriminating effects of familicide killed quite a few innocents tied to them as well. Including the Draketooth clan, the protectors of Girard's gate.
    • Vaarsuvius's decision to stay quiet on a few subjects (their Deal with the Devil, the familicide and the planet in the Snarl's prison) has some disastrous consequences.
  • No Social Skills: As a result of pouring most of their skill points into Intelligence, V has a lack of Charisma, a problem they share with Belkar and Durkon. As a result of this, and a lifetime dedicated to solitary study, V's interaction with others is notably stilted and can come off as rather cold and blunt.
  • Not Brainwashed: The Soul Splice has absolutely no effect on alignment. V Jumps Off the Slippery Slope without help.
  • No Time to Explain:
    Vaarsuvius: Time is at a premium, precluding extended discussion.
  • Not So Different: From Redcloak. Both are Well-Intentioned Extremists willing to go any lengths (up to and including arguable genocide) to protect the people they care about (for Redcloak, it's goblins in general; for V, it's their family). Both are the most powerful character on their respective teams (with Redcloak, while he may not be as heavy a hitter as Xykon, Xykon has basically become Redcloak's unwitting sockpuppet). They both like to disintegrate things, both are formidable Guile Heroes (though Redcloak is a villain), both have to put up with an inordinate amount of idiocy (real or imagined), both are fond of The Plan. Hence, these two have become a popularinvoked Crack Pairing amongst the fandom.
  • Oh, Crap!: Vaarsuvius makes a lot of regrettable decisions, and, due to their intelligence, frequently realizes their mistake immediately after making it.
    • "Say 'disintegrate' one more time, Vaarsuvius. For me."
    • V also has this expression on discovering the ramifications of casting familicide on the black dragon.
  • Old-Timey Bathing Suit: In the "Beach Party" wallpaper, V wears one (as androgynous as ever).
  • Once Done, Never Forgotten:
    Vaarsuvius: I have a plan.
    Blackwing: Does it involve selling your soul?
  • One-Man Army: Well, more like One-Elf-of-Ambiguous-Gender Army anyway, but V definitely counts. Note that during the battle with Tarquin's troops, V getting back up manages to turn a dramatic Last Stand into something the heroes stand a chance of winning, tearing through hordes of Tarquin's troops single-handed while simultaneously deploying just the right magic in just the right places to keep up tactical advantage.
  • Ostentatious Secret: Great lengths are taken to hide Vaarsuvius's gender and also point out that no one (not even The Giant himself) knows what it is.
  • Our Elves Are Better: Averted. V struggles with a lot of very human troubles and flaws such as pride, stubbornness, and thoughtlessness towards others. Vaarsuvius feels these flaws more and more keenly as time goes on and is working to improve.
  • Paint It Black: When V accepts the Soul Splice, the elf's normally red robe and cape turn black (along with instant hair extensions and pointy teeth). Bonus: the strip title is "I See a Red Robe and I Want to Paint it Black".
  • Papa Wolf or Mama Bear: Gender notwithstanding, for the love of Thor, do not threaten V's kids. He'll wipe out your entire extended family if you do.
  • Pay Evil unto Evil: V is actually rather sadistic, but they try to keep that pointed at the bad guys — a charmed kobold makes good kitty litter, for example. Though sometimes they cause excessive collateral damage in the process of hurting said bad guys.
  • Platonic Life-Partners or Heterosexual Life-Partners: V and Haley have always been extremely close, with Haley only ever agreeing to share a room with V until she and Elan became a couple.
  • Playing with Fire: Fire tends to be V's go-to element when using combat magic, with fireball, scorching ray, and wall of fire all counting among their favored offensive spells. They also make use of fire shield and delayed blast fireball to great effect while fighting the black dragon mother, though it's unclear if V knows those spells natively or was accessing them via the Soul Splice.
  • The Plot Reaper: Vaarsuvius's killing of Kubota is for this very reason. He was a distraction from the main plot.
  • Pointy Ears: Comes with being an elf.
  • Power Floats: While trancing, V floats. It's unknown if this is an elf thing or a wizard thing.
  • Power Makes Your Hair Grow: A side-effect of the Soul Splice is longer and wilder hair. It lasts after the Soul Splice wears off, but V thereafter keeps it drawn back.
  • Powers via Possession: V takes possession of three evil souls to gain their powers. Notably, V is Not Brainwashed by them.
  • Prepositions Are Not to End Sentences With: In a Dragon strip, V blows the party's cover by ranting at a pair of wights who kept doing this.
  • Pride: V's Fatal Flaw is pride. When given a choice between selling their soul and getting help from their friends or mentor, V chose the former.
  • Pronoun Trouble: For everybody else, given the elf's ambiguous gender.
  • Really 700 Years Old: As an elf, V is over a hundred years old but doesn't look any older than the rest of the Order.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Xykon gives a potent one to V about what power really means and why the elf lacks it.
  • Right Place, Right Time, Wrong Reason: The wording of the Oracle's prediction concerning V finding ultimate power is along these lines, foreshadowing the acquisition and its power-madness.
  • Ring of Power: A Ring of Wizardry, pried from Xykon's charred fingerbone.
  • Running Gag: V's use of explosive runes, and people reading them before the explosion happens.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Supernatural Powers!: V's attitude for hundreds of strips, especially when they get more and more ruthless from sleep deprivation (which they claim is impossible as an elf). It finally bites them in the ass after the full ramifications of the familicide spell is revealed. They becomes far more circumspect afterwards about abusing their power.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: At times it becomes a problem. At one point V overcomes one of the rules of the game (namely, that Talking Is a Free Action).
    Vaarsuvius: Actually, now just [six seconds]. I was being particularly verbose just there.
  • Shipper on Deck: Early on, V quietly supports the good ship Haley/Elan — or, at least, knows that Haley is crushing on Elan and wants to help Elan towards realizing it.
  • Shock and Awe: Lightning bolt is probably V's favorite offensive spell after fireball. They can also cast chain lightning.
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!: "Disintegrate. Gust of wind. Now can we PLEASE resume saving the world?"
  • The Smart Guy: A powerful mage, and magic requires high intelligence. He's one of several in the Order of the Stick.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: When V uses strong words, they're usually coated in this.
  • The Spock: Most of the time, V speaks in a measured and scholarly tone and is concerned with logic and efficiency. Although V has experienced enough emotional turmoil to lose cool at critical moments. The "Stick Trek" wallpaper actually casts V as Spock, and Belkar once refers to V as a "vulcan in fantasy drag."
  • Spock Speak: V's normal way of speaking is formal and exact.
  • Squishy Wizard: As per standard for D&D wizards, V has great magical power but crumbles in physical confrontations.
  • Sugar-and-Ice Personality: Varies wildly between "aloof asshole" and "huggableinvoked woobie", even within strips.
  • Talk to the Hand: Vaarsuvius is very fond of the various Bugsby's hand spells. In #934, Vaarsuvius would have pushed Tarquin off the Mechane if Laurin hadn't zapped the hand.
  • Tears of Remorse: A little overdue, very out of character... and definitely meant, in "Lack of Foresight".
  • Took a Level in Badass: Subtle, but in chapter 1160 V tanks a Death Worm's cone of cold and manages to finish their spellcasting nonetheless, despite being heavily injured afterwards (as shown by the multiple scratches and cuts on their person). Compare this to when they challenged Xykon in his own throne room, and gets fizzled by the room's defenses, which made Xykon wonder how they could have such high-level spells and yet still fail a Concentration check that easily.
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: V's resistance to anything not involving Xykon directly, arrogance and overall occasionally rude behavior skyrocket during the period after Azure City where V refuses to trance for months. This culminates in threatening Elan and ditching the rest of the Order of the Stick. After the whole Deal with the Devil thing V returns to normal behavior or better.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: After that whole Deal with the Devil thing, V becomes far kinder and considerate to the people around them, treating Belkar and Elan with more patience, seeking advice from Roy, treating commoners without their previous arrogance, and is able to just outright admit it when they've made mistakes. This also translates in combat, as they also eschew offensive tactics and instead focus on defensive and utility spells that aren't as flashy, but are much more effective at nullifying threats and enhancing their team's efficiency.
  • Tragic Hero: Since the events of the Soul Splice V has to deal with great personal tragedy due to their hubris and is working on redemption
  • Troubled Fetal Position: After realizing that V caused the deaths of countless innocents with the familicide spell, V curls up in despondence.
  • Unscrupulous Hero: V's first major scene shows the elf gleefully using a spell designed to tentacle-rape an opponent to death, and while this can partially be put down to Early Installment Weirdness, V continues to use unscrupulous tactics.
  • Unskilled, but Strong: Unskilled being a relative term in this case, since as a Wizard, V's life has largely been dedicated to study, but the way they use their magic was this for the longest time, preferring to just smash their opponents with the strongest spell they had, and only used spells more creatively when forced to, such as when they were Transfigured into a lizard. Finally learns their lesson for good when Xykon easily overpowers V even with the Soul Splice and they only survive through sheer luck. After this, V dedicate themselves to use their magic with more thought and skill, which they've largely lived up to.
  • Unwitting Pawn: Accepting the Deal with the Devil and attacking Xykon played right into the Gambit Roulette spun by the Inter-Fiend Cooperation Commission.
  • Vancian Magic: V isn't too happy about the need to prepare spells every morning, as the article's epigraph indicates.
  • Victorious Loser: Though V lost the Soul Spice and didn't defeat Xykon, they rescued O-Chul and rattled the Lich's cage.
  • Voluntary Shapeshifting: Briefly polymorphed into a burrowing animal while searching for Girard's gate. While powered up by the Soul Splice, V turned into a full-size dragon.
  • Wall of Blather: Early on, there is one that puts a bunch of goblins (as well as Belkar and Elan) to sleep.
  • What You Are in the Dark:
    • V's state during the Deal with the Devil is one of these, namely that the IFCC tells the elf that the splice will affect alignment, while in reality it's only three additional shoulder devils, who don't have any real influence. The answer is going Drunk with Power and committing a genocide of black dragons. Adding insult to injury, the fiends even outlined a possible alternate plan right before V took the deal, the only catch being it involved other people doing all the legwork and didn't come with a free power trip.
    • V's rescue of O-Chul also qualifies. Vaarsuvius is heavily injured, nearly out of spells, and completely out of their league, against Xykon, an Epic-level sorcerer and the Big Bad. V turns invisible and means to escape through a hole in the wall, one Feather Fall away from safety... Nobody could possibly know or blame the elf for escaping in that situation, but V instead chooses to go back and help O-Chul instead, rather than abandoning yet another person to their death. It is a very poignant and touching moment — an important first step to redemption — after everything Vaarsuvius has done.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Is the target for several of these over the course of the comic, with increasing severity due to their escalating actions:
    • A relatively mild one from Haley, when the elf makes Elan cry after yelling at him for poorly trying to mimic being a wizard, shortly after the destruction of Durokan's dungeon.
    • One from Elan, for killing Kubota under some very flimsy logic.
    • By far the biggest one, from their Mate, after they find out about Varsuuvius' Deal with the Devil, and the deranged extremes they had gone to reach their long-sought power. Shortly after this, they file for divorce, and Varsuuvius, having been thoroughly humbled by Xykon crushing them despite their newfound power, doesn't contest it.
  • When All You Have Is a Hammer...: The way V's been using magic since the beginning and in a destructive manner; load up with as much power as possible, then smash. V tries to break the habit in one arc, with difficulties. It could be said to have succeeded, if "Right Tool for the Job" is anything to go by. Instead of blasting the enemy, buff your allies.
  • Would Be Rude to Say "Genocide": Familicide. Killing the Black Dragons was not, in retrospect, V's brightest hour.
  • Wreathed in Flames: The "Fire Shield" spell V uses when under the Soul-Splice.
  • You Do Not Want To Know: V is mum on their time in the Semi-Elemental Plane of Ranch Dressing.
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Purple. It's OK because they're an elf.

    Belkar Bitterleaf 

Belkar Bitterleaf


Race: Halfling
Gender: Male
Class: Ranger/Barbarian
Alignment: Chaotic Evil, Selfish Evil (according to the Adventure Game)

A.K.A. "The Belkster," "Death's Li'l Helper," and now "Doomsealer". Even shorter than other halflings, Belkar has deep-seated emotional problems. He tries to work these out by killing or otherwise harming people he doesn't like. Still, he has some of the best lines and is a major source of (black) comedy.

  • Abstract Scale: His evil is measured in KiloNazis, against a baseline of the hypothetical off-spring of Sauron and Cruella DeVille.
  • The Alleged Expert: He was invited to join the Order because Roy assumed his levels in the Ranger class automatically gave him some skills as a tracker, and his entry on the comic's "cast of characters" page described him as "the world's best tracker under 4 feet tall". As it turns out, he hasn't invested a single point in his Track skill.
  • Alliterative Name: Belkar Bitterleaf.
  • Androcles' Lion: The Empire of Blood's troops, sick of the Order slaughtering all their infantry, sic an Allosaurus at them... which turns out to be the same one Belkar was nice to and let out earlier. One Wild Empathy use (and a couple daggers inside the rider) later, Belkar has a new mount. "Flee before me, worms!!", indeed.
  • Anti Hero: The only thing that separates Belkar from being a Villain Protagonist is that he is pointed towards the Big Bad. In fact, he might have joined Xykon if his poor impulse control didn't have him throw a cat in the recruiter's face for his own amusement.
  • Ass Shove: Threatened toward a vampire he's suspicious of.
    Belkar: I am going to shove the sunshine so far up where the sun don't shine that you will vomit nothing but warm summer days!!
  • Atop a Mountain of Corpses: His most iconic moment, after slaughtering an entire army of hobgoblins.
    Haley: Do you want to tell him he probably won't get any experience from killing them?
    Durkon: Let's draw straws.
  • Badass Normal: Magical abilities are not needed for him to be a "shoeless god of war". Out of a raiding party of Thieves' Guild rogues there were None Left Standing, and he slayed enough goblins to create a mountain many times his size. Although as a ranger, he should be able to cast spells... if he didn't have the wisdom score of a lemming.note 
    Belkar: Hey, lemmings are cute.
  • Be Careful What You Wish For: Belkar hopes to push Miko over the edge and make her fall as a paladin. He succeeds, but she ends up killing someone he liked in the process.
  • Becoming the Mask: There are hints that Belkar's fake character development is turning into real character development. It becomes very apparent in "Wild Empathy". It happens even more after Durkon is turned into a vampire. Instead of taking the idea of Durkon being back with an alignment adjustment at face value (or brushing it off like the old Belkar might have), he is suspicious of the vampire even when it's costing him points with the rest of the team, points that he was initially faking character development to gain so they'd keep him around. It's likely because Durkon died for him and he won't forget it. This really seems to be more important to him than staying in the Order's good graces, and after, he genuinely considers Durkon to be a friend.
  • Berserk Button: Don't threaten Mr. Scruffy. It won't end well for you. Or point out he loves his cat.
  • The Berserker: He has a couple of barbarian levels, but it's not always obvious when he goes into a rage because he's always in some kind of foul temper.
  • The Big Guy: He's the most bloodthirsty of the group and has the highest body count. He shares the role with Durkon (ironically, the two are the smallest humanoid members of the party).
  • Black Comedy: He's the violent and bloody humor in the Order because it fits his evil alignment and stab-happy personality.
  • Blood Knight: Fighting and slaughtering living beings is all he initially cared about, and the reason he decided to go on a dungeon crawl.
  • Brain Bleach: He possesses the (fictional) feat "Craft Disturbing Mental Image".
  • Brainwashed and Crazy: Due to his low Wisdom score (Roy notes it is his "dump stat"), Belkar is extremely easy to charm or dominate.
  • Brutal Honesty: Nothing in his Cruel to Be Kind speech is false. It's just delivered in an incredibly offensive way in order to enrage Roy enough to make him want to continue. Of course, it also makes Roy far too eager to believe that the High Priest of Hel is just Durkon with a paint job rather than admit the truth.
  • ...But He Sounds Handsome: "That Belkar, as stubborn as he is stone-cold sexy."
  • Cassandra Truth:
    • His tendency to screw with people means he isn't believed at first when he bears the bad news of Durkon's vampirization.
    • Also, at first he's the only one who has serious doubts about Durkon not being Durkon anymore after vampirization. It takes a while before everyone else realizes he's right.
  • Chaotic Stupid: More so in earlier strips, where he would do things like set a tent on fire just to watch it burn — when they are trying to sneak into a camp.
  • Character Development:
    • Faked character development, which ironically is real development for him too. To clarify: at the end of the Don't Split the Party arc, Belkar is in many ways still the same sociopathic murderous halfling. However, he actually promises someone else that he would stick to him to the very end, no matter the outcome, which is something the old Belkar would never have done. In the book commentary for that section the author described the conversion scene as going from sociopath to slightly more high-functioning sociopath.
    • He gives a whole speech on the subject in 957, suggesting he's aware he's no longer quite the same. He's beginning to show empathy for others, although he's so unused to it he doesn't know in advance what will make him feel guilty.
    • It's justified as the Ranger's very first skill is Wild Empathy. While Halflings are rarely evil, it is almost inevitable that a Ranger will get an animal companion (no matter how low their wisdom is or how suboptimal their builds are). The original joke was he was both a class and a race that is generally good and yet he is completely evil for some reason. However, empathy is literally built right into his main class. On top of that, he was always empathic enough to know precisely the way to tear people down through talking.
    • If you check strip 960, he actually thanks V at the end of it. Not like anything forces him to do that; his faked character growth still includes being pretty berating to people.
    • The biggest display of his growing empathy can be seen in strip 1130. He's seething in rage at Durkon, but not just because the High Priest of Hel needs to die. It's more because Durkon's death made him think and feel for someone else, possibly for the first time ever, and it hurts. Belkar isn't just fighting a vampire, he's lashing out at his true character development.
      Belkar: You... YOU!... How dare you make me think about things, Durkon!... How could you not think about how your selflessness would affect ME?!?
    • When Hilgya charcoals Durkon (intending to resurrect him again), Belkar is pissed, and looks ready to gut her. This, when Belkar originally would consider killing teammates for XP.
    • In strip 1164, he actually calls Durkon his buddy.
  • Characterization Marches On: In a very early strip he falls for a very brazen con. Though consistent with his low Wisdom, it depends on making him feel guilty about accusing Haley, something he'd never feel once his character is further established. Of course, then his character swings back the other way. It's been stated that Roy has been a positive influence on Belkar, not because he makes Belkar a better man, but because Roy can kick his ass if he steps out of line. Belkar does care about people sometimes, but he is just as likely to stab them in the back when it's convenient to him. The thing is, all of his "buddies" were evil and his current companions are definitely not. In other words, Belkar was probably treating the Order as if they were friends like Buggy Lou up until their better nature started to rub his patience raw. Now that he has experienced more episodes of empathy, he is starting to feel guilty again, but now he's much more jaded and cynical.
  • Charlie Brown Baldness: He's not bald, but the very short hair atop his head is hard to see (unless in close-ups or from behind). Notably, it's identical to the hair on his feet.
  • Chef of Iron: He has ranks in the Profession (Gourmet chef) skill.
  • Chekhov's Boomerang: The Ring of Jumping +20. First when he uses it to escape from prison in Azure City, and again when he lends it to Roy.
  • Combat Sadomasochist: He can hardly be bothered killing things that won't scream.
  • Commonality Connection: He helps two gladiators escape after they have been forced to fight each other, because he feels for them realizing that he would hate to be forced to fight Mr. Scruffy. It comes as a great shock to him.
  • Cruel Mercy: Part of his character development is learning a more refined form of cruelty.
    • When Blind Pete betrays him, Haley, Celia and a cleric of Loki, he doesn't kill the traitor. Instead, he convinces the traitor's Childhood Friend to do so instead, because it will hurt more and be more fun to watch. And, to an extent, in a warped attempt to "help" the friend, by teaching him to solve his problems with violence.
    • After reducing Crystal to 0 HP, he doesn't kill her. Instead, he leaves her on the floor, helpless and humilitated, and fetches her rival to kill her instead.
    • He doesn't kill Yukyuk, despite his attack on Mr. Scruffy. Instead, he turns the kobold into Mr. Scruffy's litterbox.
  • Cruel to Be Kind: Gives Roy a massive, insulting speech specifically designed to spit in the face of Roy's grief over Durkon's death, which has Roy so demoralised he seriously contemplates giving up the quest. It shocks the team and enrages Roy — which is enough to get Roy off the bench short term. Long-term, the damage was severe enough that Roy went into denial rather than admit that Durkon is really gone and he is in some sense responsible, which has nasty potential consequences for the whole world.
  • Crutch Character: As befitting someone with such a terrible build. He's a veritable Mook-slaughtering machine but has perhaps the lowest success rate of the group against higher-level opponents. Spellcasters in particular tend to steamroll him because he has a laughable Will save. In addition, he's leveling up slower than everyone else because of his multiclassing (and the Mark of Justice severely limiting his killing power at crucial points). He also had the honor of being hired as the party's tracker without having any ranks in survival, few ranks in spot, and an abysmal wisdom score meaning he could barely do his job if at all. Note that survival is a class skill for both barbarian AND ranger. It comes back to haunt him later because he is too underpowered to stealth kill the High Priest of Hel. Instead he has to rely on charisma and wisdom to convince the others of the truth. The latter is his dump stat and the former is thrown out the window because he's a sociopath.
  • Dangerous Forbidden Technique: The Clasp on Belkar's Cloak protects him from evil. Which is harmful to him because he's evil too. Luckily it can be activated and deactivated on touch. It comes in handy when he's the only one that can stand and fight against Vampire Durkon and his minions, but it envelopes him in a yellow glow, and it is obviously excruciating to fight in.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: How Belkar manages to give Roy Brain Bleach, as he implies he's going to fantasize about female Roy.
    Belkar: That's OK. I can always keep the memory of her for when I'm... alone.
  • Defiant to the End: As Miko charges Belkar with murderous intent, he stands his ground, with his Last Words chosen to get in one last nasty shot to the fallen paladin's ego.
    Belkar: Funny, I always thought I'd be killed by a paladin.
  • Defensive "What?":
    Belkar: Well, I just figured we'd wander around, kill some sentient creatures because they had green skin and fangs and we don't, and then take their stuff. [everyone else in the party glares at him] What?
  • Determinator: While his abysmal Will Save makes it useless for resisting Mind Control, towards the end of Utterly Dwarfed, after his Disney Death. Turns out that it takes more than throwing him off a mountain to kill him.
  • Did Not Think This Through: Belkar states he wanted Miko to kill him so that she would fall from paladinhood, claiming Durkon would just Raise Dead. Vaarsuvius points out that they'd need 5,000 gp in diamonds to do it, which Durkon doesn't have at the time. Then again, Wisdom is Belkar's Dump Stat.
  • Disney Death: Thrown off a mountain, courtesy of the High Priest of Hel. He's later seen climbing the rockface promising all sorts of retribution.
  • Dramatic Irony: Only Durkon knows that he controlled his body by the time Belkar stakes him.
  • Does Not Like Shoes: Like all halflings. Ironically, he especially dislikes sandals.
  • Dual Wielding: Two daggers. It is implied that Belkar choose Ranger because of the Two-Weapon Fighting feat.
  • Dump Stat: Wisdom. This comes into play in an early strip, "First Aid": when V buffs Belkar's Wisdom to enable him to use a healing scroll, it completely changes Belkar's personality and life goals. This would not only make Belkar less funny, but also less useful in a fight, so Status Quo Is God... note  Note as well that this is a terrible dump stat for a ranger; Wisdom is the stat that governs perception-based skills, tracking, and divine spellcasting, all of which are central to the ranger's noncombat abilities, and it also governs the ranger's worst regular save, Will. True to form, Belkar is consistently terrible at all of these things.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: It's hard to imagine Belkar ever being shamed like he is in Page #8 these days.
  • Even Evil Has Standards:
    • He is traumatized when Elan decided to run around the Dungeons of Dorukan naked.
    • He is outraged by Miko Miyazaki murdering Lord Shojo.
    • He refuses to cut corners on cooking because he's a gourmet chef.
    • He isn't too happy either when Hilgya Firehelm kills Durkon after resurrecting him.
  • Evil Counterpart:
    • Inverted in his Good Counterpart, the late Yokyok, whose father he killed earlier in the comic.
    • Also both inverted and played straight by Yokyok's aforementioned father Yikyik, who's Belkar's counterpart and is genuinely evil because he's just like Belkar.
    • Yukyuk, whose relation to Yikyik and Yokyok is currently unknown, but he seems to be as evil as Yikyik.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good:
    • Pre-Character Development, he struggled with this trope occasionally, such as not understanding why everyone is so against him killing people in On the Origin of PCs or assuming the slaves Haley just liberated would work for him because he can't get his head around Haley granting them their freedom.
    • On one occasion, this trope unexpectedly works out in his favor. When he tries to tell the rest of the party that Durkon has been turned by a vampire and Roy dismisses it as a lie, he mentions that Durkon's last request to the vampire was for his comrades to be spared. This causes Haley to believe him, since Belkar is so much of a sociopath that he wouldn't think to include that detail if he was lying.
    • After the Order frees a group of travellers that have been captured by slavers, Belkar is presented with a jar of spice from one of the merchants that he has personally saved. Roy has to explain to him that no, it is neither a bribe nor a scam, the man is just grateful for the rescue and wants to thank him... because Belkar can't wrap his head around it.
    • Strip #1115 shows a more serious example. He is clearly having a very difficult time with Durkon sacrificing himself for him. Durkon's intense selfless good action for him despite everything Belkar has done has moved the halfling, but he has large amounts of trouble confronting those feelings.
    • He and Durkon have a conversation about this trope once the dwarf's really Durkon again. Belkar describes it as the cowardice of being unable to handle "intense hardcore introspection" and realize how bad you've been. Then he apologizes for hitting Durkon in the face with a palm tree.
  • Expert in Underwater Basket Weaving: His rank in gourmet chef has little use as an adventurer. Not even as Team Chef since the ingredients rarely match gourmet cuisine and he won't cut corners.
  • Failed a Spot Check: All the time. He's almost as oblivious as Elan.
  • Fantastic Racism: As part of being a ranger and his designated +4 bonus against a selected race, he hates kobolds. Subverted regarding Vampire Durkon/the High Priest of Hel. He can handle the fangs, but he doesn't buy that Durkon could go from forgiving him to eagerly drinking his blood in seconds.
  • Fiery Redhead: If you consider violently sociopathic "fiery". While Belkar appears to be bald, he has very close cropped red hair (usually only seen from the back).
  • Fluffy Tamer: As a ranger he has Wild Empathy but he doesn't use his skills much. However, he does get an Allosaurus on his side.
  • Glass Cannon: Roy unsubtly shows him that he isn't as good at taking damage as he is at dishing it out, and he should stick to slaughtering Mooks.
  • Gameplay and Story Segregation: He's stated to have an abysmal Wisdom score, and can't cast Ranger spells as a consequence. Despite this, he's pretty cunning even if he sucks at tracking, instinctively knows the worst way to hurt someone with words, often quickly pieces together what's happening with limited information, and has twice been the only one to notice that there was an imposter in the party. (Although one was a case of The Nose Knows and the other paralleled his own development, so he had a circumstance bonus).
  • Gay Bravado:
    • Is "confident enough in his sexuality" that he can make come-ons at a gender-bent Roy toinvoked squick the latter out.
    • Later, when Roy and Belkar see Tarquin's face for the first time, they both GASP (thanks to his resemblance to Elan). Belkar covers by saying having hung out with sweaty gladiators, he and Roy had become gay and want to sleep with him. Tarquin chuckles that he's getting married but takes the compliment just the same. After he leaves:
      Belkar: [on the brink of guffawing] Caress, caress, caress, caress my little supple body!
      Roy: Do you WANT to get hit with the big stick again?
      Belkar: That's what HE said!
  • Geas: The Mark of Justice will make him horribly ill to deter him from killing in a settlement. He breaks it half by accident: he kills the Oracle of Sunken Valley, but the Oracle had moved just enough kobolds into the area to technically constitute a settlement.
  • Good Angel, Bad Angel: Nope, it is shown instead that he's got two shoulder fiends (representing his impulsive evil side and his long-term evil side), and ainvoked shoulder slaad. The shoulder angel "...doesn't work here anymore."
    Angel: [twitching] ...and he kept stabbing them, again and again... He's a halfling, he's supposed to be jolly... Why isn't he jolly? WHY ISN'T HE JOLLY???
  • Good Feels Good: Very subtle, but it's there. Belkar has a Eureka Moment when Durkon talks about the seductive power of good in the Good Feels Good trope in Durkon's character page below, and realizes why he's developing true Hidden Depths after trying to fake them.
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: A textbook example; his bloodlust and sociopathy are played for laughs, such as "trying to kill Elan for XP".
    Belkar: How the HELL am I supposed to make myself feel better if there's no one to hurt?!?
  • Heroic Willpower:
  • He's Back: After spending dozens of strips invalid from sickness, he returns In a Crowning Slaughter of Awesome.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • Averted at first. Belkar has no depth at all, and his hallucination of Shojo tells him that he better fake some Hidden Depths or he'll find himself in deep trouble. However, his attempts to fake it over time end up gradually growing into some sort of genuine depth.
    • His absolute hatred for Vampire Durkon/High Priest of Hel could be a manifestation of Belkar's grief over Durkon's death. This is all but confirmed in Strip #1130, where Belkar shouts at Vampire Durkon in frustration at how Durkon's selflessness would have affected the Halfling.
    • His faking of Hidden Depths becomes a Chekhov's Skill when he is able to see that Vampire Durkon is also faking Hidden Depths as well, and calls him out on it.
      Belkar: People don't just change who they are inside in an instant. It doesn't work like that. It takes time, so you don't even know you're changing. Until one day, you're just a little different than you used to be and you can't even tell what the hell happened.
    • Belkar, despite being a terrible ranger in the usual ranger skills like Survival, has ranks in Cooking. Gourmet, too!
  • Hidden Heart of Gold: He's developed one where Durkon is concerned. Despite outwardly hating him, Belkar was deeply affected by Durkon's heroic sacrifice, to save him from Malack, and Belkar has greatly missed Durkon since then, as seen in his absolute hatred for the vampire.
  • Hobbits: He averts every expectation of his race except his skill as a chef. And height. (And pondering I Should Write a Book About This, but it's about the prisons he was incarcerated in, so...)
  • Homoerotic Subtext:
    • He gets the tingles when Roy goes all badass.
    • See also New Year's Eve (if Vaarsuvius is male). Further, the fourth book includes a Cast Page with lines indicating the relationships between the characters. According to this Belkar wants to "shtup" V, which means exactly what you think it does.
  • Hunter of Monsters: As a Ranger, he gets Favored Enemies as a class feature, and if his angry threats towards a vampire are to be believed, his time in Azure City made The Undead one of them.
  • Hypocritical Heartwarming: Sarcastically refuses to join in when everyone else is saying nice things about Durkon... only to mutter to himself that he never forgot that Durkon didn't blame him when he was dying at a vampire's hands.
  • Hypocritical Humor:
    • "What kind of idiot could screw up something as simple as protecting the casters?" Belkar's kind of idiot, that's who.
    • If anyone's going to smacktalk about bad class decisions it's Belkar. The guy who might have the dubious honor of having the worst class decisions on the team, possibly the entire comic.
  • In the Hood: When trying to be sneaky (or when it rains), Belkar puts on a dark green hood.
  • I Owe You My Life: Durkon's Heroic Sacrifice, which Belkar is both grateful and upset about.
  • I Should Write a Book About This: Parodied, like other halfling-related tropes.
    Belkar: You know, I think I could make good money writing a guidebook to the jail cells of the world.
    Dark but clean, I'd give this three stars — "Would be incarcerated again."
  • It's All My Fault: He doesn't say it out loud, but he obviously blames himself for Durkon becoming a vampire since it happened when he was protecting him from Malack, and he was unable to help due to Malack's domination. What really gets to him is that Durkon didn't blame him for it.
  • I Will Show You X: When Belkar's friend Buggy Lou suggests eating Mr. Scruffy with a nice marinade.
  • Jerkass: His main selling point is his unapologetic meanness and asshattery.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: Belkar has sometimes a better idea of what's going on than his goody-two-shoes companions.
    • Even Hinjo, a paladin, has to admit it once, about why his uncle would refuse resurrection.
      Belkar: The spirit needs to be willing to return, right? But Shojo is kicking back in whatever afterlife theinvoked Chaotic Good people get — probably sipping single-malt scotch and smoking cigars rolled from poorly-worded legal documents. Why the hell would he want to come back here, knowing that you're waiting to throw him in prison? Considering he was like a billion years old and likely to die soon anyway, I'd say he got the last laugh on y'all.
      Hinjo: He's probably right... It looks like I'm on my own, then.
    • Belkar's insistence that Vampire Durkon be killed at the first calm moment was probably the best course of action all things considered.
    • Amusingly, one of the things that unnerves Belkar is the fact that Roy has been agreeing with him lately ever since Roy found out about the High Priest of Hel.
  • Karma Houdini: Roy tries to wrangle a deal to spare Belkar prison time on two occasions, although both are ultimately subverted.
    • The first one is when Roy demanded a temporary "get out of jail free card" from Shojo in exchange for investigating the Gates, which became permanent once Azure City was conquered. Though Belkar didn't get away completely scot-free. He did have to have that Mark of Justice stuck on his head in exchange for his "freedom".
    • The second time, he tried to match the jail time Belkar would serve with the amount of time he would be pardoned for in exchange for a good deed. Unfortunately, he explained this plan in front of the person in charge of both the jail time and the pardon, so Hinjo used his discretion to give Belkar the longer sentence for trying to beat the system.
  • Kavorka Man: He is successful at seducing human women (with obviously low standards) from time to time. He later has the chance to go on a date with a gnome girl, but declines out of guilt.
  • Kill It with Fire: "When in doubt, set something on fire."
  • Kissing Under the Influence: With Vaarsuvius due to new year's beer.
  • Knife Nut: He sure loves his daggers...
  • The Lancer: After Durkon gets Vamped, he's the one who's more willing to call Roy out for being Genre Blind. Haley's still second-in-command, but she's more supportive and less abrasive than Belkar.
  • Laughably Evil: He's evil, but a big source of laughs. Only second to Xykon.
  • Leeroy Jenkins: Belkar provides a near-perfect example of how a Leeroy can cause havoc in "A Lesson in Leadership".
  • Level Grinding: It takes Belkar months of killing off undead to get one level after the Time Skip, and it's drained almost immediately by a wight.
  • Made a Slave: In the prequel story "Uncivil Servant", Belkar mentions having recently spent seven months as a slave.
  • The Man They Couldn't Hang: "Hangin' Around". He is offended by humans who think their methods of execution would work on a halfling.
    Belkar: I'm not even pulling this rope taut.
  • The Millstone: Belkar's sociopathy and frequent refusal to listen to orders ruin the party's planning several times — for example, leaving the spellcasters undefended to kill goblins, putting the bandit camp on fire because he's bored, or killing the Oracle. He has somewhat grown out of it after his Vision Quest... until that time in prison when he pushes Roy to snap during the gladiator selection for the games, dooming the leader of the OotS to a dangerous fight in the arena (though Gannji is also somewhat to blame).
    Roy: You're the anal fistula of this quest.
  • Mind Screw: Favorite way of being a Jerkass to his teammates. He claims to have taken the feat "Craft Disturbing Mental Image".
  • Min-Maxing: Inverted! Belkar's "build" is (deliberately) suboptimal; as a halfling he gets a Strength penalty, though he must have compensated for that with a very high unmodified score based on his damage output with those tiny daggers, and a Dexterity bonus, but hardly ever uses missile weapons, and taking Wisdom as a Dump Stat impairs his use of key Ranger skills and spellcasting. The only aspect of his build that isn't complete crap is that he appears to utilize his dexterity to extremes, jumping around like Yoda, meaning he is very good at defeating low-level minions. Later, he attempts to offset some of these deficiencies with a dip into Barbarian. Since his racial favored class is Rogue, the disparity between his Ranger and Barbarian levels means he now earns 20% less experience than the rest of the party (assuming that rule is being enforced).
  • Morality Chain: Without Roy's restraining influence, he would be an even worse psychopath, as demonstrated in the Don't Split The Party arc, where without Roy, he becomes more impulsively evil, with only the Mark of Justice keeping him in check.
  • Morality Pet: Mr. Scruffy, Belkar's literal pet (though as a Ranger, his animal companion is a better term.) While Mr. Scruffy seems to be more ruthless and violent under Belkar's influence, in at least one case, Mr. Scruffy's relationship to Belkar influenced him to rescue two previous enemies because they reminded him too much of him and Scruffy.
  • Munchkin: For example, wanting to murder a team member just to get the necessary XP to level up.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: Belkar works on the definition, "Enemy combatant = anyone worth XP."
  • Muscles Are Meaningless: He can block a half-orc and a woman twice his size at the same time because character class matters more than physical strength.
    Belkar: Wow, it's almost like I am a seasoned warrior and you two are glorified pickpockets! Imagine that!
  • My Death Is Just the Beginning: Though he doesn't quite think it through, he attempts this as a tactic to hold Miko back. While Raise Dead is magically easy for Durkon, it is not economically feasable for the party just for shits and giggles; he also overestimates the party's willingness to resurrect him (at one point, Haley was ready to dump a dying Belkar once and for all, and would have if not for an Easy Amnesia spell).
  • My Friends... and Zoidberg: He gets this treatment a few times because he is The Friend Nobody Likes.
    Durkon: They be a fine group, for humans. And an elf.
    Hilgya: And a halfling.
    Durkon: No, I left 'im out on purpose.
  • The Napoleon: Short and bad-tempered? Check. Short jokes are a dangerous bet around him.
  • Nausea Fuel: Belkar's reaction to anything that Tastes Like Diabetes, such as Elan's delighting in Durkon and Roy's recall weapon ability. invoked
  • Naytheist: He has a not completely unfounded dislike of the gods, particularly Odin for the prophecy with Durkon, and is convinced he is just screwing with them.
  • The Nicknamer: Belkar loves to give ludicrous (but creative) nicknames to about everyone or everything (including himself), but especially for Durkon.note 
  • Nominal Hero: Roy keeps him around because it's better to have him pointed at people worse than him and the other option is slitting his throat.
  • The Nose Knows: "Halfling sense activated!" Notably, Belkar tracks the Order's way through the Windy Canyon by scent alone. He also uses scent to realize that Nale is impersonating Elan.
  • Not Good with People: Post-fake-Character Development, Belkar becomes remarkably loyal and friendly to certain animals. While he'd gladly leave his teammates out to dry, he won't do the same to an animal he's befriended. Then again, evil or no, he's a ranger.
  • No, You: Indirectly to the High Priest of Hel after being tossed off a mountain while angrily climbing back.
    Belkar: Throw me off a mountain? I'll throw you off a mountain!
  • Oblivious to His Own Description: "I just don't trust the idea of us using a horrible bloodthirsty savage to fulfill our goals while we — oh, I get it."
  • Odd Friendship:
    • Any actual friendship would be odd, but he really seems to care about Mr. Scruffy.
    • He also is on good terms with Lord Shojo, and is upset when he dies.
      Belkar: Dude, you order paladins to clean the litter box. You're, like, my idol.
    • He's also surprisingly amiable with Elan. He makes him laugh.
    • Post faked Character Development and Durkon's time as a vampire, he gets on surprisingly well with Durkon, unironically referring to him as his buddy and giving him one of his few genuine apologies.
  • One-Man Army:
  • OOC Is Serious Business: Yet another way he will screw with people's minds, generally through Confound Them with Kindness — especially in contrast to his normal psychopathic fare.
    • "Horse Sense"
      Belkar: Are you feeling OK? I'm really worried about you.
    • "Probably About an '8'"
      Belkar: I think they've worked out a good plan to end this pointless conflict without any more lives lost, and I support it fully. Let's stop the violence. [big grin]
    • Played straight(er) in "Payback":
      Roy: OK, now, I know we're doomed. Belkar is acting like a ranger.
    • In strip #1164. instead of his former mindless stabbing in spite of obstacles in his way, Belkar tells the Exarch vampire how Durkon broke free, and encourages him to do the same. That's right, Belkar's graduated to a crude form of psychological warfare.
  • Pet the Dog:
    • In one bonus stip in the first book, he shares his rations (which are way better than the rations Durkon brought) with Elan, complete with dessert.
    • He once kills an assassin who wants to kill Hinjo, although this is subverted by the fact he figured that Hinjo might remove his Mark of Justice for doing so.
    • Mr. Scruffy is possibly the only thing he's ever cared for unconditionally (at least before Bloodfeast).
    • There is also the time when he saves the two reptilian bounty hunters by releasing an Allosaurus to distract the soldiers trying to kill them. It's pointed out that he could have just waited for the soldiers to kill them before letting loose the Allosaurus: bunch of dead guards, on their own, would have been funny, but dead mercenaries that he hated and eaten guards? Hilarious in his eyes. "Wild Empathy" reveals that he helped them because it reminded him of his relationship with Mr. Scruffy.
    • He's genuinely upset that Durkon died trying to save him from Malack.
    • His illusion of a perfect life when he was trapped in Girard's dungeon? Hanging out with Lord Shojo and Mr. Scruffy.
    • He gets another moment with the above Allosaurus. And this one pays off quite handily, as well. Also, after the Allosaurus gets polymorphed into a lizard? Belkar refuses to leave it behind when the team makes its escape from Tarquin.
    • He tries to buy a charm to protect himself from Vampire Durkon, but being a Protection from Evil it is painful for Belkar since he's evil himself. He plays it off as damaged goods and buys it anyway at half price. The gnome girl selling it is grateful that she won't have to write it off as a loss, and offers to take him to lunch — he declines out of guilt.
    • He accompanies Durkon and Roy to the Godsmoot solely to keep an eye on the vampire, and confides to Wrecan that he's concerned that vampire Durkon might attack the clerics.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: He's the shortest member of the Order and one of the shortest in the whole comic, yet his body count is many times taller.
  • Properly Paranoid: He considers this a necessary quality for an adventurer. For example, about all the High Priest of Hel's attempts to pass off as Durkon. He notes that someone doesn't just change within 90 seconds from forgiving him for not being able to save his life to having to be ordered to not drink all their blood.
    Belkar: Whatever happened to basic adventurer paranoia, though? It's like these people never had a ceiling come to life and try to smother them before!
  • Quit Your Whining: In his own way, he does this to Roy when the latter is in a Heroic BSoD over Durkon's death.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: With a touch of Real Men Cook. He has ranks in gourmet cooking, he knows the score to "Meet Me in St. Louis" and his best friend is a small, white housecat.
  • Restraining Bolt: The Mark of Justice. It works even better than Roy's threats of bodily harm. Keeps him locked down for a while, until he makes the mistake of killing the kobold oracle while in a village. It's been removed since then.
  • Ring of Power: A Ring of Jumping +20; he puts it to very good use.
    Belkar: A magic item that can allow me to rain death from above on my enemies AND lets me reach stuff on the top shelf? Done.
  • Rousing Speech: His Cruel to Be Kind one, however atypical its content is, certainly galvanizes Roy.
  • Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The one the Oracle gives him regarding Belkar killing him. He makes sure it happens the way he likes.
  • Snarky Non-Human Sidekick: Though this role falls most often to talking animals, he's snarky, he's non-human, and he's a psycho, so... check.
  • Spanner in the Works: Acts as this to The High Priest of Hel. Not only does Durkon not have any good memories with Belkar that the High Priest can exploit, but prior to the Godsmoot Belkar is the only one actively suspicious of Durkon, due to being familiar with how Character Development works.
  • Square Race, Round Class: Halfling Ranger/Barbarian — a melee build for a race with a strength penalty, and his abysmal Wisdom score means he misses out on the Ranger's most important class features.
  • Stealth Pun: Belkar starts as a halfling who has no interest in roleplaying and would rather seduce everything that catches his eye and kill everything that doesn't. He's a Munchkin.
  • Stereotype Flip: "He's a halfling, he's supposed to be jolly... Why isn't he jolly?"
  • Strike Me Down with All of Your Hatred: Belkar succeeds at goading Miko into killing him (so she will lose her paladinhood), but his effort is stopped by a well-timed Scorching Ray.
  • Stupid Evil: He starts out as this, but moves to trueinvoked Chaotic Evil through a dream sequence with the spirit of Lord Shojo. In the early comics he literally is Stupid Evil: when his Wisdom is raised, he becomes nicer.
  • Supreme Chef: He even has class skills in gourmet cooking.
    Belkar: [after toppling into a giant vat of soup] Needs pepper.
  • Survivor Guilt: Belkar never cared about being The Load until Durkon died, realizing he was nothing but a liability and that he did it not because he personally liked Belkar but because he was that nice. It doesn't help that he was conscious the whole time and heard Durkon refusing to blame Belkar for his death.
    Belkar: He just walked in there and saved my life and got straight up murdered for it.
  • Sympathy for the Devil: "Hurting people is the only thing I'm good at." Said after his Cruel to Be Kind moment. Belkar later admits while drunk that he has no idea what he wants to do in life and fully aware how hated he is.
  • Team Chef: He has skill points in "Profession: Gourmet Chef", although he doesn't get to use his skills often since gourmet cuisine is hard to come by on the road and he won't use cheaper ingredients.
  • Technical Pacifist: The Mark of Justice forces Belkar avoid killing people, within towns at least. Not that he doesn't find several creative workarounds.
  • Time for Plan B: Belkar has a tendency to play with this phrase; in one strip he said "Run like hell" has always struck him as plan A, and later he spends a series of strips announcing the letter of every new plan his teammates come up with.
    Belkar: Didn't we go through this already? We're on like plan Q.... And plan R starts to take form.
  • Token Evil Teammate: He is a Deconstructed. At first, Belkar's antics are Played for Laughs, but as time passes, they are shown to have consequences both in the world in general and in his relationship with his teammates. Although, this is slightly reconstructed when Roy temporarily dies and goes to Heaven. He talks with a deva about his decision to let Belkar to be part of his team. Roy says that while Belkar is a complete asshole, if it wasn't for Roy's leadership, he would have turned out far worse. He loses this exclusive status after Durkon rejoins the team after getting turned into a vampire.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: Played with; as part of his "fake character development", Belkar tries to fake doing this on the advice of the illusion of Lord Shojo, who points out that if he doesn't at least pretend to have more going on that just being the one-dimensional Token Evil Teammate, then eventually his team are just going to get sick of him and abandon him to whatever unpleasant fate he brings upon himself.
  • Troll: He claims to have taken the feat "Craft Disturbing Mental Image" and employs it because he finds it funny. He also trolled an already pretty screwed Miko Miyazaki into Sanity Slippage in order to make her lose her paladinhood. Which she finally lost without Belkar being involved.
  • Undying Loyalty: To Mr. Scruffy and Bloodfeast. Justified, in that even though he's a poor Ranger, he's still a Ranger, and both are his Animal Companions.
  • Unexplained Recovery: After he survives being thrown off a mountain, he plans to invoke this just to mess with Roy. The very next panel, however, contains a flashback explaining it to the reader.
  • Unstoppable Rage: When he wakes up out of mind control from a vampire during the Order's fight with the followers of Hel, he proceeds to slash one's throat so hard her head comes off, and tries to get to Vampire Durkon despite burning from a Protection from Evil's charm.
  • Unusual Euphemism: He spouts D&D-based euphemisms and innuendo regularly.
    Belkar: Hey, Sweet Thing, wanna hold my Rod of Lordly Might? If you press the right button, it might extend!note 
  • Vision Quest: As a result of his magically induced hallucination of Lord Shojo, Belkar learns to fake character growth.
  • Wants a Prize for Basic Decency: Parodied in On the Origin of PCs. Belkar thinks he deserves a reward for the restraint he showed by not killing all the barmaids in a tavern brawl, and suggests that if humans don't want him to murder people, they should put up a sign saying, "Thank you for not killing more than five of us."
    Prison Guard: We don't want you to kill ANY of us!
    Belkar: Now you're just being unreasonable!
  • Weak-Willed: Low Wisdom and classes with a poor Will save means he's easily mind-controlled. Nale, Malack and the High Priest of Hel have taken advantage of it. Malack uses the exact term, although Durkon complains that it could describe half the party.
  • Weapon of Choice: His daggers, as mentioned above, are good for stabbing and throwing.
  • Where I Was Born and Razed: Wants to invoke this trope according to the backstory he came up with on the fly to gain bonus XP for roleplaying, talking about how he dreams of returning to his home village as a strong adventurer and "murder them all in their dreamless sleep" for shunning him as a kid. Granted, it was a fake story, but it's entirely beliviable Belkar would do exactly that. In another strip, he mentions being prevented from killing anyone at his school prom, but apparently he went nuts at the afterparty instead.
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: Belkar assumes he will win his fight against Malack because he spouted the sentence "I have someone worth fighting for!" and guys who do it "always win for some weird reason". He then gets anticlimactically defeated in two panels.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are:
    • A drunken Roy points out that Belkar is actually a really good adventurer when he's not being pointlessly difficult.
      Roy: You saw that Durkon wasn't Durkon when none of us did. You did whatever you did with the dinosaur. You went out on your own and bought magic items to help your defenses, and the fact that you did is the only reason we won! You could be really good at this, if you weren't so dedicated to being a wretched pile of trash who only wants to make everyone's life harder.
    • Gets another more genuinely motivational speech of this type from Minrah, who encourages him that he is capable of legitimate change rather than simply the ability to fake it.
      Belkar: Eh, I'm not really the "do your best" type, as I'm sure the others would tell you.
      Minrah: Don't say that! That's loser talk! You're not a type! You're a person, a person who does stuff! If you want to be different, do different stuff!
  • Your Days Are Numbered: It's initially implied, then outright stated by the Oracle that he'll take his last breath before the end of the year. The Giant is officially teasing the fans over this — strip #870 ends with Malack deciding to turn Belkar into a vampire, only for Durkon to show up with Mass Death Ward at the beginning of #871. Then, in #886, he appears to die to Xykon's meteor swarm, before it is revealed as an illusion. In #957, the High Priest of Hel uses his vampiric gaze to make him jump overboard, only for him to get snagged on the ship-mounted ballista. And in #996, he gets thrown out the Godsmoot temple's window over a vast chasm, which he survives thanks to a Feather Fall item he had purchased beforehand.

    Durkon Thundershield 

Durkon Allotrope Thundershield

"I stay 'ere because it's me duty. And bein' a dwarf is all about doin' yer duty, even if it makes ye miserable. ESPECIALLY if it makes ye miserable!"

Race: Dwarf
Gender: Male
Class: Cleric
Alignment: Lawful Good, Lawful Bland (according to the Adventure Game)

A dutiful dwarf cleric of Thor, and Roy's oldest friend. Sent away from his homeland by higher-ups, he was slow to adapt to human society, but fits in rather well now. Very pragmatic.

  • Ambiguously Brown: According to Burlew, Durkon's skin tone isn't meant to represent any particular group, he's simply just "not white."
  • And I Must Scream: He is a prisoner in his own body after becoming a vampire and a spirit serving Hel takes over his undead corpse. He is absolutely furious. According to the High Priest of Hel, it's going to get worse once the spirit has absorbed all of Durkon's memories.
  • And Then John Was a Zombie: He's shown to dislike the undead very strongly. During the events in Girard's dungeon, he is killed and reanimated as a vampire.
  • Assimilation Backfire: Plays this gloriously against the evil vampire spirit possessing him. After showing him his mother's sacrifice to revive five dead miners, the spirit, unable to comprehend why someone would act so selflessly, makes Durkon transfer all of his memories just to be able to process it all — not realizing that by absorbing every aspect of what makes Durkon, Durkon would transfer his personality as well.
    Durkon: But be careful. B'cause ye know wha ye are if'n ye haf me body an' all me joys an' sorrows? Yer me.
  • Back from the Dead: After he takes control of the vampire body and sacrifices himself, Hilgya resurrects him. Then kills him, and resurrects him again.
  • Badass Beard: A bushy warrior beard is required for a traditional dwarf character.
  • Badass Boast: When claiming his new magical warhammer from the hiding place Thor mentioned:
    Durkon: "Death an' destruction." Tha's wha Odin's prophecy said I'd bring wit me when I came back home. Turns out me whole life were shaped by tha, an' I dinnae ev'n know it. But now I know. An' I already brought so much death ta so many. So I say—it's aboot time fer some destruction.
  • Bald of Awesome: Despite being rather touchy about it (he went bald in the dwarf equivalent of kindergarden), Durkon is bald and heroic.
  • Be Careful What You Wish For: A few days after being cast into exile by his fellow dwarves, he screams "to Hel wit' all o' ye!". The High Priest even comments that it appears the multiverse granted his wish.
  • Berserk Button: Though he's too level-headed to really go "berserk", he takes it rather badly when people make fun of theology. Like, say, worshiping hand puppets, or pretending to convert when handy.
  • Can't Get Away with Nuthin': Durkon has had two sins, possibly in his entire life. Once, on his worst day ever, he blasphemed Thor. Secondly, he slept with Hilgya Firehelm, a cleric of Loki. His blasphemy was used to create the High Priest of Hel's psychology, and he got Hilgya pregnant!
  • Care-Bear Stare: Ultimately inflicts this on the High Priest of Hel when the vampiric spirit is so confused by Durkon's compassion and the pain that comes from selfless compassion that said spirit allows Durkon to transfer all his memories, good and bad, instantly — and with it, Durkon's actual personality. In short, Durkon weaponized a lifetime's worth of happy memories.
  • Change the Uncomfortable Subject: Durkon's reaction to his mother and Hilgya discussing Kudzu's origins.
    Durkon: Lord Thor, I know ye need me ta do stuff, but can ye maybe strike me dead fer a bit now and send me back later?
  • Character Development: He was gruff and cynical before meeting Roy. It becomes a crucial plot point, as the vampire spirit controlling him is basically Durkon at his worst day, minus the Character Development.
  • Church Militant: As a mid- to high-level cleric in 3.5e D&D, this is to be expected. He has proficiency with war hammers.
  • Combat Medic: Standard-issue healbot, but also packs a big hammer and a pocket full of lightning spells.
  • Dating Catwoman: Briefly in a relationship with Hilgya, ainvoked Chaotic Evil cleric of Loki. It was her being married that broke it up, not her alignment.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Becomes increasingly sarcastic following being turned into a vampire. Being trapped in your own body with only the manifestation of your worst day trying to destroy the world to speak with can do that to you.
    High Priest of Hel: That was awfully easy. This isn't some sort of trick, is it? A false memory?
    Durkon: Och, if'n I could show ye stuff that dinnae happen, I'd've told ye that Roy's name was, like, Maurice or sumthin' on Day One.
    High Priest of Hel: Hmm. True.
    Durkon: Or showed ye Haley refusing payment while Belkar served soup to orphans. An' Elan did math in the background!
    High Priest of Hel: OK, yes, fine. Point taken.
    Durkon: "We need a team name! Let's call ourselves 'Tha Order o' tha Look-Out-Roy-Tha-Vampire's-Na-Really-Durkon'!"
  • Demonic Possession: As a vampire it seemed like he was a case of Dark Is Not Evil, but in fact he is possessed by an evil bloodthirsty spirit that is merely posing as him; the real Durkon is a prisoner inside his own body.
  • Disappeared Dad:
    • His father is first implied in a flashback to have died when Durkon was at a very young age; his mom refers to him in the past tense. He was killed in an encounter with a troll before Durkon was born.
    • Turns out to be one himself — to the child Hilgya Firehelm got pregnant with after their one-night-stand back on comic #82.
  • Drop the Hammer: His standard weapon is a hammer and shield.
  • Dump Stat: Charisma, it's implied. He's a dwarf, he's blunt, introverted, and not particularly personable, and his Turn Undead has a consistently poor success rate. V states they alongside Belkar have the lowest charisma stat of the group to the point they can't get a good table at a restaurant.
  • Dying as Yourself: He manages to assimilate the vampire spirit into himself and recover control over his undead body, but doubts it will last, and permits Belkar to stake him.
  • Esoteric Happy Ending: Invoked,averted and eventually played straight. Most would be rather depressed by the idea that they'll only return home "posthumously", but Durkon is happy about it because it means his corpse will be taken there for burial, where he will rest his ancestors and not somewhere else. It also means he'll be buried with honor, instead of dying in the belly of some random monster while out adventuring. Unfortunately, overly literal prophecies cheat; in a universe with The Undead, "posthumously" does not preclude "ambulatory" let alone "peacefully". He's killed and sired as a vampire under the direct command of his religion's Satan-figure, who returns home with orders to use all his hard-won abilities to attack the Dwarven homeland and generally do everything possible to bring the world to an end. Fortunately, in the end Durkon's 1) alive, and 2) no longer exiled.
  • Exact Words:
    • Durkon will return to his homelands posthumously. After he's killed and raised as a vampire, he does indeed return home.
    • He uses this against the High Priest of Hel: after triggering a Villainous Breakdown by giving him the memory of his mother explaining how she sacrificed her wealth to save a group of people she didn't even known without the life experience to actually process it, Durkon offers the High Priest the memories to do so which the High Priest agrees to. What he didn't tell the High Priest is that those memories were all of his memories at once. This turns the High Priest into a clone of Durkon, turning the tables on him.
    • He later invokes this on the prophecy that he'd bring "death and destruction" when he returns to his homeland. After he's resurrected, he notes that he's already brought plenty of death — and now it's time to bring destruction on the remaining vampires. He only indirectly does so—more directly, he causes destruction to the ceiling of the dwarven council chamber, and more significantly, the table that the council is meeting at, which suspends the ongoing vote through an obscure rule.
    • Roy told Durkon not to Send to Redcloak. So, Durkon instead contacted Redcloak face-to-face.
  • Expecting Someone Taller: On the receiving end from Redcloak, who expected someone to try and stop him, but expected they'd be taller and wearing a halo and wings, not a Dwarf.
  • Extreme Doormat: His mother taught him not to help people without permission lest he get in the way. After getting converted into a vampire, the vampire spirit and his comrades repeatedly mention his lack of assertiveness.
  • Famous-Named Foreigner: Possibly an unintentional example on the author's part, but hailing from Dwarven lands does make him a foreigner, and as for Thundershield...
  • Fantastic Racism: Shows this toward Malack after learning he is a vampire. To his credit, Durkon points out that even ignoring the undead issue, the individual is still a villain who can't be allowed to succeed.
  • The Fettered: Believes in honor and obligations, no matter how hard they are. This has given him at least one example of Genre Blindness: in #865, he insists that the Linear Guild's new cleric cannot be Malack, as he knows that Malack hates Nale and wants to kill him for murdering Malack's children. The reality is that Malack has put aside his oath to do so in order to work with Nale on Tarquin's say-so. The fact Tarquin has promised to let Malack kill Nale after they're done didn't hurt.
  • Flight: He gained access to the Wind Walk spell at some point during Don't Split the Party.
  • Funetik Aksent: An extremely thick dwarven accent.
    • Lampshaded.
      Belkar: Wait, he can pronounce "stratosphere" but not "the"?
    • It's contagious.
      Vaarsuvius: And yet I see no reason why I still need ye. You.
    • And persistent.
      Roy: You do know that you don't need to transcribe your accent?
      Durkon: Transcribe my what, now?
      Roy: Never mind.
  • Genius Bruiser: Has elements of this, but in On the Origin of PCs, he values this as well, complimenting Roy, saying that he was the first human he saw who used his head when the quickly violent way was available.
  • Good Counterpart: To Hilgya Firehelm (chaotic evil cleric) and later Leeky Windstaff (hammy and tree-loving druid). Later on, Malack, a lawful evil vampire cleric. Nale also points out that the old Durkon is this to the new, vampiric Durkon.
  • Good Feels Good: Has a brief conversation with Belkar about this after being resurrected.
    Durkon: Ev'ryone always talks aboot tha seductive power o' Evil, but I think Good's just as slippery a slope. Doin' good - sometimes even just seein' other people do good - feels good. Tha feelin' gets ta ye ev'ntually.
  • Good Shepherd: A lawful good and honest cleric. He himself is still this but the vampire controlling his body is most certainly not.
  • Go Out with a Smile: Knowing, despite his death at the hands of Malack, he'll one day return home. Now that he's been reanimated all bets are off.
  • Grumpy Bear: For a brief period (in On the Origin of PCs) he was quite the sourpuss, though he grew out of it after meeting Roy.
  • Guile Hero: Since he has been trapped by the High Priest of Hel, he has no way to brute force his way out. Instead he is trying to play subtle mind games to abuse the fact that the High Priest can't understand his true nature. He ultimately succeeds by tricking the High Priest into agreeing to take in all his memories at once, allowing him to assimilate the High Priest rather than the other way around.
  • Healing Hands: Cure light/moderate/serious wounds. And heal, of course.
  • The Heart: The team reminisces about how he's helped each of them through difficult times in their lives with his support and compassion. They come to believe this is why Odin sent the prophecy that led to his banishment: so that they could have him to help them stop Xykon.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: He sacrifices himself so that the High Priest of Hel will be destroyed.
  • Heterosexual Life-Partners: He and Roy bonded during On the Origin of PCs, when Roy impressed him by not using his alignment as an excuse to murder others of an opposite alignment for XP. Of the Order, they have known each other for the longest which is why Durkon's death affected him the most.
  • Holding Back the Phlebotinum: While not having the raw firepower of V, he's easily the second most powerful of the group and like V he gets disabled, leveled-drained, powered down, misunderstood by Thor, or otherwise prevented from instantly solving whatever problems the group confronts for the sake of good storytelling. It is lampshaded when he casts Control Weather while vampirized to get them out of a storm, prompting Belkar to claim that he can't possibly be Durkon, because he actually had a spell that could get them out of trouble.
  • Home Sweet Home: He really wants to go home. Even if it must be posthumously.
  • Honor Before Reason: The dwarves know that he's so lawful he won't attempt to return to the dwarven lands until sent for (i.e. never). It's downplayed in that while Miko knows he can be trusted to be unfailingly honest, he twists the truth a little to protect his friends.
    Roy: I'm pretty sure if you told him it would save innocent people, he'd break his leg trying to boot his own ass out the door!
  • I Ate WHAT?!: Upon finding out Malack is a vampire, Durkon realizes the bloodwort... er, bloodwart tea was a bit too literal.
  • Immune to Drugs: It's one of the benefits of dwarfdom. Malack's Poison spell? "Tastes like me mum's crabapple cobbler!"
  • Incorruptible Pure Pureness: This ultimately causes the downfall of the High Priest of Hel, who fully becomes Durkon when he's tricked into absorbing every single good, positive and heartwarming memories in one go. Bear in mind that the vampirization process is supposed to have the opposite happen, with the host body being absorbed by the vampire spirit.
  • Last Request: Before he dies, he asks of Malack that if his friendship was true and not just a trick, to spare his friends. Malack apparently honors this request, not giving the party away when his True Seeing spell pierces the illusion that concealed them.
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: After he's resurrected, he goes to a hidden compartment told to him by Thor, where he finds a powerful magic warhammer, and declares he's ready to rain destruction on the other vampires.
  • Locked Out of the Loop: He has no idea about the real reason he was sent away from the Dwarven lands. Until his encounter with Minrah (who was present when the Order found out) in the afterlife.
  • Luke Nounverber: "Thunder-Shield" sure fits a dwarf cleric of Thor.
  • Magic Knight: As a D&D cleric, he wears armor and fights with a hammer but he can still cast spells.
  • The Medic: In one early strip, the other party members visualise him as a walking medical kit.
  • Mid-Season Upgrade: After his resurrection, following Thor's instructions he finds a lightning-infused hammer and a pair of magic gauntlets hidden under Thor's statue in his temple, long forgotten by the priesthood.
  • Milkman Conspiracy: Durkon is convinced that the trees everywhere are part of some giant conspiracy. So are all the other Dwarves.
  • Misery Builds Character: "Bein' a dwarf is all aboot doin' yer duty, even if it makes ye miserable. Especially if it makes ye miserable."
  • Mission from God: He receives one directly from his patron god, Thor, to convince Redcloak to use a drop of the Dark One's unique power to help seal the Snarl once and for all.
  • Moment of Weakness: His anger at being exiled without even being able to say goodbye to his mother or making sure she would be okay without him; coming from the person who said misery builds character, that is saying something. This anger is a driving force for the vampire that possessed him, as the vampire claims that its personality comes from the darkest memories in Durkon's mind and that his will to annihilate the Dwarven lands is motivated by that one moment where Durkon cursed them.
  • Momma's Boy: What's been shown of Durkon while he was back in his homeland clearly implies he dearly loves and respects his uncomplaining mother caring for him. He became a cleric in the first place because his family couldn't afford to get one to cast a spell to heal his mother's crippled arm. He also calls her every week ever since he got access to the sending spell.
  • My Rule-Fu Is Stronger Than Yours: He manages to throw a wrench in Hel's plan by breaking the table the dwarven clan leaders meet on, and thus by dwarven law, invalidates the meeting until a new table could be procured. As his own mother put it:
    Sigdi: Were ye really so dumb ta think fer one second tha ye could beat Durkon — Durkon, o' all tha folks in this great big beaut'ful world — in a fight tha revolved around followin' tha rules?!?
  • Never Gets Drunk: Durkon loves his beer, but has never been drunk in the comic. In a New Year's Eve story, he and Belkar count down to midnight with 10 straight pints. Belkar kisses Vaarsuvius and passes out, but Durkon doesn't appear affected at all. In this universe, Dwarves have two livers. According to him, it's a dwarven custom to take a drink every time someone counts down. In the backstory, they have some ale every time anything happens. And it's so difficult for them to actually suffer negative consequences from their drinking that perishing from alcohol-related complications apparently counts as "dying in battle" for the purposes of getting into the afterlife.
  • Never Got to Say Goodbye: He was exiled without the chance to say goodbye to his mother. Although it turns out that he's been in regular contact with her ever since he learnt the sending spell.
  • Never Say That Again: Don't tell him that beer isn't important.
  • Not So Above It All: Even the straight-laced Durkon finds himself staring at Haley along with the other men of the Order when she has a slight wardrobe malfunction.
  • Not That There's Anything Wrong with That:
    Durkon: I love me god Thor will all me heart — inna strictly heterosexual "buddies" kinda way. Not that there's anything wrong with the alternative.
  • Odd Friendship: Chummy with Malack because they are both clerics in an adventuring party. This ends when he finds out he's a vampire that wants to seize Girard's Gate.
  • Our Dwarves Are All the Same: A parody of the concept that plays some traits straight.
    Cleric of Loki: Can you tell me anything about him that differentiates him from every other dwarf?
  • Poke the Poodle: Apparently, the worst thing Durkon has ever done is get justifiably angry at the leaders of his faith for throwing him out in the snow with no money and no time to say goodbye to his mother and say some mean things about them when no one else can hear. Justified in that as a devout cleric cursing someone to Hel means more than just mundane blasphemy to Durkon.
  • Poor Communication Kills: He was never told why he was exiled from Dwarf lands. As Roy said, he'd have probably went along with trying to avoid The Prophecy of his return bringing death and destruction upon all of his kin if he was just actually told of it. Indeed when Durkon is being told there was a reason behind his exile he is overjoyed about it.
  • Precision-Guided Boomerang: His Mid-Season Upgrade hammer can fly back to his hand after he's thrown it.
  • Prematurely Bald: Not explicitly stated, but evident with a little math based on the evidence — he's currently 55 years old, and says to Haley that he's been bald for "forty years", meaning he went bald roughly around 15 years of age. He almost never mentions it, but it's apparently a touchy subject. (And since he's a dwarf, that makes it the human equivalent of losing your hair in kindergarten.)
  • Prophecy Twist: Doubly so. He was exiled thanks to a prophecy saying that "when he returns home, [he] will bring death and destruction." He did return as a vampire, and he did bring death to the dwarves. But the latter part has yet to come to pass... until he retrieved a facsimile of Thor's own Mjölnir to bring destruction to the vampires.
  • Psychic Static: Durkon is attempting this against the High Priest of Hel possessing him by burying requested information in a deluge of context. Unfortunately, so far it's not quite working, though he gets to make the High Priest watch a full 6 hours montage of Durkon getting food poisoning and having to relieve himself in the can. It finally pays off when he gives him the memory of him finding out his mother sacrificed her wealth to save a group of people she'd never met, which causes the High Priest so much emotional pain that he slips up and agrees to being hit with all of Durkon's memories at once.
  • Refusing Paradise: Already set on not resting in Valhalla at least until the world is saved from destruction and his son gets to know him. He decides so even knowing that, if after being resurrected his next death happens to be dishonorable, his immortal soul would end up in Hel's custody, and the goddess of Death is certainly very pissed at him.
  • The Reliable One: Even a paranoid loon like Miko trusts him implicitly.
  • Religion Is Magic: Comes standard with being a cleric in a D&D setting; he prays to regenerate his supply.
  • Religious Bruiser: He's a Dwarven cleric dedicated to Thor, it comes with the territory.
  • The Resenter: Buried deep in his memories, he deeply resents the dwarves for exiling him. The High Priest claims this is why he, who is made from the darkness of his heart, is willing to go along with Hel's plan.
  • Residual Self-Image: Durkon in the afterlife looks like he did before being vampirified. His true self not only is lacking the teeth and pasty skin of a vampire, he's also wearing his usual armor (the vampire was destroyed wearing robes) and his beard is at full length (the vampire's got shortened by a slash of Roy's sword).
  • Revive Kills Zombie: Uses this to great effect against Malack, most notably with a heal spell which acts as the harm spell for undead.
  • Shock and Awe: "Thor's Lightning!" is a spell that throws a bolt of lightning at his enemies. Clerics usually don't have lightning magic, so this one is granted directly by Thor to his priests through a specific domain.
  • Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Trailer: Has his back to the viewer on the cover of Book 6, likely to hide his vampyrification from anyone who has yet to read Book 5.
  • Sizeshifter: "Thor's Might!" which, per the divine might spell, ups him to large size and bolsters his strength to boot.
  • Someone to Remember Him By: According to the first account of his father he heard, his mother discovered she was pregnant only after his father's death.
  • Split-Personality Merge: After Durkon's soul is released from his destroyed undead body, the vampire's mind completely merges with his, making him remember the vampire's experiences as if they were his own. Thor assures him he'll be fine, which makes sense considering a week as an evil vampire holds little weight compared to decades of life as a honorable dwarf.
  • Split-Personality Takeover: Eventually tricks the High Priest of Hel into volunteering to be turned into a mental clone of himself.
  • Static Character: Lampshaded in "Be Prepared", where Belkar notes that has nothing has changed about him. This is averted after his vampirization. Then the aversion gets inverted, as Durkon's still the same dwarf, just trapped in his own body by a dark spirit. However interacting with said spirit, a supernaturally static character, reveals the subtler ways Durkon's grown and changed over time.
  • Straight Man: Shares the role with Roy. His steady-but-mostly-uncomplicated personality is mocked in an early strip with a mindflayer picturing his head as a bowl of mashed potatoes: filling, but bland.
  • Supporting Protagonist: In-Universe criticized as such by his vampire self, Durkon's selflessness made him a spectator of his own life and repressed most of his needs for the sake of other people.
  • Taken for Granite: Gets turned to stone for violating dwarven law in the dwarven council chamber during an important vote. His crime? Property damage, when he threw his Thunderbolt Hammer through the ceiling.
  • Taking You with Me: After assimilating the High Priest of Hell, he realizes it might not last forever, so he convinces the Durkonified vampire to allow them to be staked, killing them both.
  • A Tankard of Moose Urine: The Trope Namer, on visiting human lands for the first time.
    Durkon: Excuse me, I think ye gave me the wrong mug. I ordered a beer, an' this seems ta be a tankard o' moose urine.
  • Tell Me About My Father: His mother didn't want to talk about it, so Durkon resorted to an Honorary Uncle. The accuracy of the tale is not clear, though later Durkon's mother indicates the outline is close enough.
  • Token Religious Teammate: As is often the case for the cleric in a D&D party, Durkon is the only one in the Order taking religion and the will of the gods seriously... at least in the conventional sense. As for the others: Vaarsuvius pays lip service to the Elven Gods, but doesn't really do much else; Roy advocates proper respect to them, but admits to having a "if I leave them alone, they'll leave me alone" mentality on it; Haley is ready to convert on the spot if it is advantageous, though it's Played for Laughs; the "Shoeless God of War" Belkar reveres is only himself; and Elan is a very weird casenote . This becomes a Plot Point when Durkon ignores Roy's explicit instructions not to contact Redcloak, instead following Thor's and contacting him anyway.
  • Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Ultimately turns out to be this to the High Priest of Hel, managing to assimilate him rather than the other way around.
  • Tragic Monster: As of comic #878, Durkon was forcibly turned into a vampire by someone he considered a friend. Even more so as of #946. Durkon isn't even in control, the vampire servant of Hel is. Durkon was made both a prisoner in his own body and an unwilling accessory to its crimes, unable to resist it enough to prevent it from ransacking his memories.
  • Turn Undead: His power as a cleric enables him to scatter and destroy undead. He sometimes gets over-enthusiastic with it.
  • Upbringing Makes the Hero: While he was a Good dwarf even before them, discovering his mother's act of selflessness, which she had kept secret for years, is what shapes his views as a hero.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: With his childhood friend Logann. He is not above stepping on his thunder in a battle (in order to heal him), and Logann then snarks at him for it.
  • Wall Master: With the meld into stone spell, he merges with walls.
  • Weapon of Choice: A warhammer, shield and cleric spells; likely Thor's influence.
  • We Do the Impossible: What Thor thinks of Durkon, after the latter expresses doubt he can save the Universe from The Dark One; Thor tells him it'll be as hard as talking a vampire into giving up control of his body.
  • What Would X Do?:
    • "What Would Thor Do?" is a question he asks himself frequently in the beginning. In practice, not as applicable as one might hope considering that Thor is a mighty god and he is a mid-level dwarf cleric.
    • He has followed in the footsteps of Elan and Haley in the Order of the Stick, who also have asked "What Would Roy Do?", Durkon pondering it during his fight with Malack.
  • What You Are in the Dark: Only Durkon alone is aware that he managed to control his body after being possessed by the High Priest of Hel. He willingly undergoes a Heroic Sacrifice anyway.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: He has a deep fear of trees. It is truly irrational in this case as he thinks they have a conspiracy of some kind and want to take over the world. He justifies this with his patron Thor striking them with lightning. Apparently, he shares this attitude with most (if not all) dwarves. Thor reveals it's because his church started a dogma over him just blasting a few trees for fun.
  • Will Not Tell a Lie: Though he will bend the truth by using Exact Words.
    Durkon: I count "able to be picked by a rogue" as a pretty major defect, aye?
  • Work Hard, Play Hard: According to the introduction to Book 5, this is the general dwarven idea of the afterlife. After a lifetime of duty and repression, once you get to Valhalla the fun breaks loose. Durkon plans to spend an entire century partying, then maybe take a nap. He also isn't above partying when the Order has downtime.
  • You Can't Go Home Again: A prophecy states that Durkon's return to his home would bring death and destruction to the dwarven homelands. To keep this from happening, the higher-ups sent him off on a Snipe Hunt and told him not to return until they called for him. Which Durkon never does, because he's just that lawful. However, the higher-ups neglected to tell their successors about the prophecy. Durkon can now return whenever he wants, though the message telling him so was eaten by the Monster in the Darkness without realizing what it was. Though according to the Oracle, he will be returning. Posthumously. The funny thing is, when he found that out, he was actually happy to learn that his body would be returned home, presumably for an honorable burial. The whole situation becomes even darker than it already was when you realize that being said to return somewhere "posthumously" doesn't mean the first prophecy won't come true. There's also the fact that returning as a vampire can also count as posthumously. Now that it's been revealed that Durkon's under the control of the High Priest of Hel... it gets even worse. Subverted in the end: the new High Priestess confirms to Roy that Durkon is free to go home and he is told so by Minrah in the afterlife after his vampiric self was destroyed. Now that he has been resurrected, he is, indeed, back home and was even reunited with his mother. Doubly subverted in that he still kept in contact with his mother on a weekly basis.
  • You Didn't Ask: The reason he didn't tell the High Priest that the key to the temple crumbles if taken by force is because he didn't ask. "Also, I hate ye an' I want ye to fail."
  • Your Worst Memory: Being kicked out of his homeland without any notice or explanation was the worst day of his life. The experience left him miserable and bitter for decades until he met Roy and became friends with him. The vampire spirit controlling his body forces him to relive that memory, using it as the basis for a Breaking Speech that leaves Durkon unable to answer back.

    Utterly Dwarfed Spoiler Character 

Minrah Elle Shaleshoe
"I will join you in your quest! Smashing the forces of Evil is why I joined the temple in the first place."

Race: Dwarf
Gender: Female
Class: Cleric/Fighter
Alignment: Lawful Good

One of the acolytes guarding the Temple of Thor in Firmament. She joins the Order of the Stick in the fight against the vampires invading her town.

  • Action Girl: She's nowhere near the Order's level (mentally or by literal Character Levels), but she can still swing a mean hammer, and is ultimately the one to defeat the former Creed of Stone usher, who's a fairly powerful vampire cleric.
  • Adorkable: While she's plenty badass, Minrah's bouts of Genre Blindness, tendency to over-explain everything, and comical gushing over Thor during her time in the afterlife all make her rather dorkishly endearing.
  • All There in the Manual: In the commentary for Utterly Dwarfed, the Giant clarified that Minrah counts as Durkon's cohort rather than a full-fledged member of the party.
  • Back from the Dead: A dominated Hilgya kills her with flame strike during the battle against Hel's forces. Durkon later resurrects her off-panel in time for the raid on the dwarven council chambers.
  • Be Yourself: Essentially her advice to Belkar, mixed with Carpe Diem.
    Minrah: You're not a type! You're a person, a person who does stuff! If you want to be different, do different stuff!
  • Changed My Mind, Kid: At first she's happy that she finally gets to go to Valhalla, but after finding out that all of creation is at stake — and has actually been wiped out multiple times — she runs back and orders Durkon to raise her after his own resurrection so she can help.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: The reason she can't do much but play healer for the Order during the vampires-in-the-Firmament crisis is that she didn't prepare any particularly impressive spells for what was supposed to be a quiet night of watching the temple.
  • Dark Secret: She has a personal secret that worries her so much she doesn't want anyone to hear about it even after she's dead and in the afterlife. Whatever it is, Thor tells her not to worry about it.
  • Determinator: She doesn't let anything Roy say keep her from joining the Order of the Stick.
  • Don't Explain the Joke: She has a bad habit of picking apart the implications of whatever Badass Boast she's just made. Elan takes it as a sign she'll fit right in with the Order.
    Minrah: Oh, Brother Sandstone! Save me a seat in Valhalla, for I will avenge you! Before I need the seat, obviously! The seat is for later! I guess my point is, I'll eventually need the seat after some other unrelated battle, and I'd appreciate it if it was still available when I got there, in return for me doing the avenging thing for you now!
  • Dramatic Irony: She gives a spiel to Belkar about how making personal changes and meeting new people results in the new people only knowing the changed you. While she's saying this in the context of herself toward the rest of the Order, it just as easily applies to Belkar in regards to her.
  • Drop the Hammer: As is standard for more combat-oriented clerics of Thor, she has a hammer in hand.
  • Dynamic Entry: She reenters the story by punching Durkon in the face in heaven.
  • Fantasy Character Classes: Finally breaks the trend of each party member being a different class. She's a multiclass character, being both a fighter like Roy, and a cleric like Durkon.
  • Good Old Fisticuffs: When she sees Durkon in Valhalla she says that he doesn't need her hammer to kill him since, "I carry my fists in my heart!"
  • Guest-Star Party Member: She accompanies the Order for their battles against Hel's vampire minions throughout the back half of book 6. As of strip #1180, she declares her intention to join the Order in the Final Battle against Xykon, meaning she's not quite a "Guest Star" member anymore.
  • Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold: She's blonde and (initial brusqueness with the Order aside) a kind-hearted warrior firmly aligned with the forces of good.
  • I Thought Everyone Could Do That: Like how Celia didn't realize humans couldn't all cast lightning, Minrah wasn't aware that humans and halflings lacked Darkvision.
  • The Knights Who Say "Squee!": She's a brave defender of Thor's temple in Firmament. Durkon himself compliments her on her initiative to battle the forces of evil. But her attitude toward Thor himself? Total Fangirl.
    Minrah: [as she rides Thor's back when he flies] I have literally had this dream at least a dozen times!
  • Literal-Minded: A variation - she seems to understand idioms pretty well, but she assumes everyone else needs to be told when something is not intended literally.
    Minrah: Did everyone I know tell me, "Oh, I don't really think you're the type to be a cleric?" Yes! Did I listen to them? No! ...I mean, I listened, or else I wouldn't have known they said it. But I didn't let it stop me!
  • Logical Latecomer: Even though she voluntarily joins the Order of the Stick, she is often puzzled by the party's numerous idiosyncrasies, not having had six books to get used to it like the readers.
  • Loophole Abuse: She made a promise to take it to her grave that her cousin was in love with her coworker Tinna. That doesn't stop her from telling it to a soon-to-be-resurrected Durkon so that he transmits the message, though. After all, now that she's dead she technically kept her promise, and she deems life is too short.
  • Magic Knight: As a Cleric/Fighter, Minrah is adept at both spellcasting and martial combat.
    Minrah: Don't worry about me, I was a guard before I was a cleric. I'm not the best caster but I have a hammer and I know how to swing it.
  • Master of None: Falls into this rather than Jack-of-All-Stats due to her relatively low level compared to the Order.
  • Mauve Shirt: Has a little characterization and a background as a temple guard before she decides to accompany the Order... and subsequently dies during a battle with Hel's forces. Then gets to interact with the real Durkon in the afterlife. And then she rejects Valhalla and tells Durkon to resurrect her when he gets back because she can't just sit back and party in the afterlife when all of existence is in danger. And THEN she joins the Order on their quest to stop Xykon.
  • My Beloved Smother: When told her daughter is going with the Order, Minrah's mother "freaks out" by passively-aggressively making her five sandwiches and sighing as she looks at her daughter's baby pictures.
  • Phrase Catcher: "You obviously didn't get a lot of time to talk to Elan" and variants.
  • Plug 'n' Play Friends: Subverted, working well with the group in the Dwarven Lands, once they leave Roy struggles in adding her to the team due to having a lot going on. Belkar of all people makes an effort to have her integrated by asking about her spells etc.
  • Refusing Paradise: A mild case. Minrah tells Durkon to try raise her, stating that she'd rather risk being claimed by Hel than sit around Valhalla and not helping save the universe. She's perfectly okay with hanging in Valhalla to knock back a few while waiting to be resurrected.
  • Secret Keeper: Aside from the Dark Secret above, Minrah promised to keep a secret that her cousin had the hots for her colleague, and promised to take it to her grave. She tells Durkon to let them know; she's no longer obligated to keep it since she did take it to her grave.
  • Sixth Ranger: She's decided to join the Order at the end of Book 6.
  • The Watson: Minrah being killed in the fight against the vampires and sent to the afterlife at the same time as Durkon gives the latter someone to talk to at length about their prospects. And also, allows her to ask Thor for answers (to the audience's benefit), including some that the god would rather not have given to Durkon.


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