"Some people promise to read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you."
The Colbert Report (pronounced Col-bear Re-pore) is the Emmy award winning (Best Writing - Variety, 2008 and 2010) Spin-Off from The Daily Show, featuring the screen persona of news anchor Stephen Colbert. The show operates as a parody of news talk programs such as The O'Reilly Factor. (When the show was pitched as "Stephen Colbert parodying Bill O'Reilly", it was picked up immediately without even a pilot.)The character of Colbert himself can be best described as a Strawman Political of a news pundit, a mega-conservative who embodies all the stereotypes about conservative people in one convenient shell. Much like its progenitor, it reads the real news in a humorous tone. It's also coined the words "truthiness" and "wikiality". The latter one is a portmanteau of Wikipedia and reality: basically the practice of Rewriting Reality by bringing democracy to information. "If enough people agree on it, it becomes true" — the example given being Colbert's assertion that elephant populations had tripled since 31 January 2006. *
Differs from its mother show in that it's a kind of Sitcom with guest stars playing themselves and a funny premise. Whereas The Daily Show is mainly Jon Stewart reading the news and making funny observations, The Colbert Report revolves around a character and his interaction with the real world. There are recurring characters and plot points (such as Colbert's broken wrist). Indeed, during the show's first year of existence, Colbert even had a fictional "archenemy" in the form of fellow comedian David Cross, who played fictional liberal talking head "Russ Lieber" before the character was written out of the series.It should probably be noted (or perhaps not) that Stephen Colbert, the fake news anchor, is, in fact, a character that Stephen Colbert, professional comedian, is playing. He does not believe the views he espouses on the show (for the most part), and has referred to the character as "a well-meaning, poorly informed, high-status idiot."
Stephen: I'm hitting the gym, getting pretty cut. And I'm shedding pounds by not cooking with butter. Instead I use it to grease up my body when I work out. That way, none of those stroke gays, or stro-mos as we call them at the gym, can get a handle on me.
Alter Ego Acting: Colbert in character and Colbert out of character are two very different people.
Altum Videtur: Stephen's fireplace has 'VIDERI QUAM ESSE' engraved on it. Appropriately enough, the fireplace houses a monitor that displays an image of flickering burning logs.
Stephen turns Rick Santorum's Iraq War Lord of the Rings analogy into a an analogy backfire. Can be seen here. Since Stephen is a big LOTR fan, he probably couldn't wait to sink his teeth into that one.
Anal Probing: A segment about an "Alien Hunter," Derrel Simms, sees Mr. Simms recount a story about him being probed by aliens in his youth. After describing the alien probe in very phallic terms, Colbert interrupts him in a voice over just before Simms was about to say where the probe was "jammed very painfully," exclaiming, "Okay, that's enough; I think we all know where the probe goes." Simms then reveals that it went into his nasal passage.
Early episodes featured David Cross playing Russ Lieber, a liberal inversion of Colbert's character, who over-thinks everything and is so hesitant to offend that he can't make a single statement without backpedaling.
In one of his Daily Show/Colbert Report conversations at the end of the Daily Show, Colbert claimed that his original arch enemy from his Daily Show years, Steve Carell, continues to hold the position as well.
James Franco is now his renaissance enemy. Or renemy.
At one point, Stephen had a "war" with, of all things, Miracle Whip. It looks like it begun on October 15, 2009, when Stephen "attacked" the Miracle Whip commercials. In response, Miracle Whip bought ad space on every commercial break during his November 12 show and well... Hilarity Ensued.Now here's some cool people dancing. And then there's Stephen's response, which points out how Miracle Whip buying ad space on his show would give him money that he could use to buy more delicious mayo.
Asian Speekee Engrish: Ching Chong Ding Dong, who spouts stereotypical lines like, "Ooooh, me rikey tea!" Colbert freely admits that the character is extremely racist, but he's not racist for performing the character, because Ching Chong Ding Dong is speaking through him.
Attention Whore: Mocked. Stephen inverts the traditional interview, where the subject comes onto the set to a round of applause. Instead, the subject sits in a corner of the set and Stephen does a victory lap to get the applause for himself before beginning the interview.
Background Halo: done deliberately; when the camera is facing Colbert's desk straight-on, stars circle his head.
Colbert: We have a broadcast legend ... who will be interviewing Tom Brokaw.
Berserk Button: During an interview with Neil Irvin Painter she refers to the Scots Irish as properly Irish. Colbert promptly corrects (2:10) her with: "There's no Irish blood in Scots-Irish People. They are Scottish Presbyterians, who were given land in Ireland. THEY TOOK OUR LAND AND DROVE MY PEOPLE ACROSS THE RIVER SHANNON, WHERE WE WERE FORCED TO FARM ROCKS BY OLIVER CROMWELL AND I WILL SEE HIM ROT IN HELL BEFORE YOU CALL SCOTS-IRISH PEOPLE IRISH! DO YOU WANNA FIGHT?!" Then they arm wrestle.
Do not steal his Super PAC money (Jon Stewart) or call him out on pointless spending (Nancy Pelosi)- he will chase you down and make you pay.
Big "NO!": Colbert is extremely fond of this trope. For example, after seeing how terrible he looks in pink.
Stephen: I LOOK TERRIBLE IN PINK! I'M A WINTER!
Also, when sugar runs low, he panics and tears into a whole bag.
When Stephen was discussing parallel universes, he was suddenly replaced with a long-haired pipe-smoking hippie counterpart who wanted to solve the Iraq war by making everyone share M&M's and hug each other. Also, Esteban Colberto who in our universe hosts the Spanish News/Variety show "Colberto Reporto Gigante" complete with "Chicas".
And the Evil Twin universe shown in an interview clip (although there were indications that it was just Evil Twin Colbert interviewing the normal-interviewee-wearing-facial-hair).
During his appearance on the show in September 2011, Al Gore mentioned Colbert's "character." Holding back laughter, Colbert responded: "My character? What the hell are you talking about, sir? ... Well, 'Al Gore', thank you so much for joining us." Later when he signed off, Colbert said, air quotes included, "For The Colbert Report,I'm 'Stephen Colbert.' "
Brick Joke: Because segments of "The Word" take so long to get back to the initial Word, it sometimes takes the viewer by surprise.
Also a Running Gag. Michael Stipe (formerly of R.E.M.) lives on Stephen's bookshelf.
During a segment focused on teaching monkeys how to recognize ads, one of the facts is they're aroused by the private parts of the opposite sex. Stephen jokingly puts up a picture of a monkey vagina with a caption telling the males to "Eat Jello." Two seconds later, guess what Stephen's scarfing down his gullet?
In the May 10, 2012 episode, Stephen tells a story of a monkey who had accidentally swallowed a peanut, causing the zookeeper to lick the monkey's butt (in order for the monkey to defecate). At the end of the episode, Stephen pulls out a can of Planter's.
George Bush: great president or greatest president?
X or Y? Pick a side, we're at war.
Tons of variations on this:
...that's a fact, and nothing can convince me otherwise. [a beat] Here to convince me otherwise...
"Checkmate!" or "I just nailed you." when interviewing people he disagrees with. Sometimes when the audience is clapping for the guest he'll say "I haven't nailed him yet but thanks."
"[X], please!"
Whenever a guest agrees with him (usually on a very minor point) "Apology accepted"
At the beginning of shows: "Nation, in here, out there..."
"This is America."
"I don't see race, people tell me I'm white and I believe them because I <stereotypical white trait/hobby>"
"Nation, anyone who watches this show regularly knows that I love/hate <topic/person he's never mentioned before>"
Christmas Songs: "Another Christmas Song", which is all about getting people to buy "Another Christmas Song" so Stephen can collect the royalties. Also an Anti Christmas Song performed by Toby Keith, about the alleged left-wing "war on Christmas" and how real Americans will fight back.
Formidable Opponent, in which Stephen debates himself, and the Green Screen Challenges.
The green-screen "window" during the Vancouver segments, which started out with a normal view of the city, went up into a blimp, then went into NBC's studios (Brian Williams: Will you go away?!).
Also when interviewing a Wisconsin Senator in Chicago 20 Million BC.
And Ham-Rove, a canned pressed ham with glasses that came about because Karl Rove looks like one.
Cone of Shame: Stephen wears one while recovering from a broken wrist. He attempts to pour drugs into his mouth. One wonders how he got the bottle open.
Cool Gun: Stephen's .38 caliber revolver "Sweetness", a "trigger-happy" and very talkative (at least, to Stephen) firearm who has shot quite a few audience members by accident.
If by "a few audience members", you mean the same audience member every time, same bullet wounds and all. Even he wonders why he keeps sitting there.
Corpsing: Stephen tends to break character and laugh over some of the more ridiculous lines, or at least grin the whole time he's saying them. There is an actual video tag on his site called "cracks up" for when he does this. He and Jon Stewart have done this to each other quite often; if one of them loses it, the other will soon follow.
The introductory text that appears next to Stephen also changes on occasion. This has ranged from words such as "Megamerican" to "Lincolnish", "Libertease", and "SCILF."
Before the Vancouver shows "Sponsored by Verizon. They paid for this."
Crowd Chant: Stephen Colbert often leads his audience in chants of "U.S.A!" or "I was right!" in this rhythm. And, of course, the show usually starts with enthusiastic chants of "Ste-ven!"
Crying Wolf: Stephen warns about crying wolf or rather crying zombie in the end of this clip about college students playing zombie tag. According to Stephen this game will leave us vulnerable when the rage virus escapes.
Cult: "So congratulations Apple [on your new iPad]. Speaking of cults— [Happyology]."
Cute Kitten: On March 5, 2009, while discussing the imploding U.S. Economy with Jim Cramer of CNBC, Colbert had videos of kittens and puppies playing behind Mr. Cramer, saying that this would make people feel better about the economy.
He once brought an actual kitten onto the show to help accentuate a joke that involved killing said kitten- but, thankfully, it was Played for Laughs.
He couldn't help but admit that Rain dressed up in a hedgehog costume was adorable. Or that Rain in general is adorable.
Dagwood Sandwich: After seeing a burger where the buns were replaced with grilled cheese sandwiches, Colbert contemplated a grilled cheese sandwich where the bread was replaced with grilled cheese sandwiches... ad infinitum. "Prepare yourselves nation, for I have invented... The Mobius Melt", a sandwich that you theoretically cannot stop eating. He then recalls his other favorite fractal sandwich, the "Mandelbrot BLT — the more you zoom in, the more bacon there is. What will explode first, your heart, or your mind?"
Detournement: Carrying neo-conservative punditry a few bridges too far.
Did Not Do the Research: In his interview with Maurice Sendak, Colbert incorrectly states that Vin Diesel was in 2Fast2Furious.
Double Vision: Formidable Opponent. Bonus points that they're usually Color-Coded for Your Convenience- one wears a red tie (Conservative bias) and the other wears a blue tie (Liberal bias).
Drill Sergeant Nasty: Encounters a real one for his bit of basic training prior to "Operation Iraqi Stephen".
Dropped a Bridge on Him: Done jokingly with Bobby the stage manager (Eric Drysdale), who was barbecued and eaten by Stephen in his farewell appearance. When Bobby's ghost came back for a guest spot like a kind of Jacob Marley, Stephen ate the ghost, too.
Droste Image: The portrait in the studio of Stephen is one of these, more so with each passing year. The original portrait showed Stephen standing in front and to the left of a portrait of himself. In the show's first episode, at one point Stephen came back from a commercial break standing in front and to the left of the portrait saying "What's the most important thing a TV journalist needs? Humility." Each anniversary the portrait has been replaced with a new one showing Stephen standing in front of the previous one:
1st: To the left
2nd: To the right, arms crossed, glowering over his lack of an Emmy
3rd: To the left, holding an Emmy
4th: To the right, wearing a military uniform and haircut, saluting (in honor of his visit to Iraq)
5th: To the left, wearing an olive wreath on his head (in honor of the Report's sponsorship of the U.S. Olympic speedskating team), with the Grammy he won for A Colbert Christmas hung like an Olympic medal around his neck
6th: To the right, holding the F.E.C. ruling allowing him to form his SuperPAC
Eagle Land: Stephen is so patriotic he fathered a baby Bald Eagle. The San Francisco Zoo named a newly hatched male bird 'Stephen Jr.' Really, all you need to know about the show is that the eagle in the opening credits is named Liberty.
Enforced Plug: Stephen parodies this often with Doritos, once even spending an entire week on location in "Chili-delphia, the city of brotherly crunch." In a weird sort of reverse Product Placement, Doritos hadn't actually paid him when he started the gag, but apparently a deal has been reached involving the large exchange of Nacho Cheese Doritos.
Mr. Fanservice: Seriously, don't believe us? Three words: Jane Fonda Interview. It's all the proof you need. Invoked with Sexy Hotdog Man.
Even the Guys Want Him: While in Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Games, a camera pan over the crowd revealed one cardboard sign bearing the words "Marry me Stephen! (It's legal here!)"
Stephen: We need a new leader soon because America is standing at a precipice. Which, I think, is either a bonfire or a poisonous Australian jellyfish.
Flowery Insults: Usually "[Job description], and [flowery insult], [Person's name]"
"Minority leader, and septuagenarian ninja turtle, Mitch McConnell"
"Texas GOP congressman, and human fence post, Louie Gohmert"
"Pundit, and part-time weather balloon, Rush Limbaugh"
"Florida congresswoman, and home-perm after model, Debbie Wasserman Schultz"
Flynning: Colbert and Elijah Wood, both of them using versions of Sting (Colbert brandishing one given to him by Peter Jackson).
Food Porn: One of Stephen's SuperPAC ads blasts other SuperPACs for pandering to Iowa voters with "cheap cornography" and says Iowans deserve better, and then shows slow-motion footage of corn set to porn music.
Freudian Excuse: It's strongly suggested that a lot of Colbert's problems stem from childhood trauma - for example, his hatred of books (a shelf fell on him). His actual fear and hate of bears stems from a recurring nightmare Stephen had as a child where bears would maul him to death for apparently no reason.
"It was just a simple Freudian slip. Named, of course, after Sigmund Freud. I'm sorry that's my mom. Jimmy, put up my mom. I mean, my breasts. I mean, Freud.
Frivolous Law Suit: Colbert being told by his lawyer brother the many words he can't say during the Vancouver Olympics shows (including "Vancouver" and "Olympics").
Fun with Acronyms: NASA's new space treadmill: the "Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill" (C.O.L.B.E.R.T.) And now there's video of it being installed on the ISS.
Germanic Depressive: Recurring character and German ambassador to the UN, Hans Beinholtz.
Getting Crap Past the Radar: Apparently, Stephen Colbert refers to his Australian Formula 401 cans' contents as crock juice. He himself finds it so funny that immediately afterwords, he has to pause to regain his composure and NOT laugh.
There is a series of segments dealing with Arctic issues called Smokin' Pole.
Several of his SuperPAC heroes have included: Suq Madiq, Harry Balzac, Harry Balsagna, Apoop Mapanz, and Mike Clitoris. And let's not forget the one that really made him crack up- Munchma Quchi.
During a segment about monkeys learning how to buy things and read sexually hypnotic billboards, Steven somehow got away with showing a monkey vagina on live TV. Is he a censor wizard? You bet your ass he is!
Not to mention his Tip of the Hat / Wag of the Finger segment
A God Am I: Upon introducing Conservapedia's Conservative Bible Project to Colbert Nation, Colbert then commanded the masses to add him into it as a biblical figure - perhaps Moses, or Samson - or...
"The point is, you don't have to make me God himself. But if that happens, hey - I get it."
In doing this, Colbert unleashed an "Unintended Denial of Service Attack" and the website went down within minutes.
Gut Feeling: Colbert considers this the only valid way to make a decision.
Hammerspace: The unseen part of Stephen Colbert's desk contains a fax machine, a stay the course notebook, telephone, pitchfork (and presumably other Angry Mob accoutrements), a Big Red Button, Rahm Emanuel's finger, Abraham Lincoln's skull, a Starbucks, a rival Starbucks (now defunct), a Foot Locker, the Atone Phone for apologetic Jews, a suitcase with John Oliver inside, a (probably endless) supply of Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream, a washing machine, and a secret prison for terrorists until it was closed. As of April 8, 2009, the desk also yielded three Jewish slaves (whom Stephen promptly freed), and he admitted it also has a few Asians and a pyramid (incomplete.) The desk also has the Apology Box. August 2009 saw Stephen produce a desk lamp from under the desk - a desk lamp that is apparently very good at arguing about health care reform. Stephen also keeps an emergency supply of sugar, and of a four-ounce Mini Gulp (for when the Big Gulp is shrunk) in his desk. Other mysteries yielded by that treasure trove include a poll-sausage making machine and the Ham-Head of Karl Rove. And, of course, a Shofar. And probably the entire line of Prescott Pharmaceutical supplies - up to an including a freaking snake. ... And last but not least, he keeps a Peabody award under his desk, which he pulls out for his Heroic Gloating.
As of August 2011 he has a chicken and bars of gold stored under there, along with other potential forms of currency if the economy collapses. In February 2012 he produced two kittens, named Whiskers and Other Whiskers.
Rare for this show, this instance happened to be unintentional. On the topic of Texas governor Rick Perry's inarticulacy, Colbert said, "Some of our greatest presidents have been tongue-tied on occasion," backing it up with a clip from George W. Bush's "Fool Me Once" flob. "Is that intelligible? No. That sounds like the fevered ramblings of a syphilitic brain." Colbert then finished his diatribe with a flob.
Stephen Colbert informs Seth Meyers that making fun of the news is inappropriate.
Important Haircut: Ordered by President Barack Obama and done by Commander Gen. Odierno no less, to show that he'd really gone through (a little) basic training. See it all here.
Looking back on it, he thinks his hair never grew back the same.
Insult to Rocks: In the midst of heaping abuse on Canton, Kansas, Stephen says that converting the town to a landfill would be an insult to landfills.
Intentional Engrish for Funny: Happens in one episode where he discusses a Chinese millionaire who was killed by poisoned cat stew. He says that this doesn't affect his Chinese canned cat meat stew, "Colonel Tuxedo's Happy Joy Power Cat With Eating". Its motto is "Reliable Sting of Pleasure, Trustworthy of Lunch".
Internet Counterattack: Invoked frequently. Notable instances include a campaign to get a bridge in Hungary named after him through internet voting, and against Wikipedia to enforce "wikiality."
He also had an angry rant very similar to Bill O'Reilly.
It Got Worse: Stephen's assertion that Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity facebook event got more RSVPs because the people who RSVPd were taken over by alien pod people. Muslim alien pod people. GayMuslim alien pod people.
It Is Pronounced Tro-PAY: The Colbear Repore. The T in 'Report' is silent, because "it's French, bitch" and because his name also ends in a silent 't'.
Except when Steven gets upset, when he'll pronounce it differently to himself.
"Snap out of it, Col-burt!"
During the Writers Strike of 2007, when Colbert would go on the air without his writing staff, he would deliberately refer to the show as "The Colbert Report" as a sign of solidarity with his writers.
Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Stephen Colbert the character is a jerk, but he can't help but let his heart of gold shine through on occasion. Especially when he is helping various charities.
Kayfabe: This is what makes it so hard for many people to "get" the show or the character. Is he sending a message this time, or is he just making people laugh? Is what the character Colbert says what the real Colbert thinks, or its exact opposite? Well, he keeps the line very blurred.
Colbert recently testified to Congress, under oath. In character.
Kick the Dog: In an effort to be declared the Worst Person in the World by Olbermann, Stephen slapped a baby with a puppy. Could have been seen here if it wasn't for the fact that there was an unfortunate technical mishap preventing anyone from seeing it happen.
Kill the Poor: Stephen has, on at least one occasion, equated the "War on Poverty" with the "War on Drugs" and has wondered why we haven't yet made poverty illegal.
During one banter segment with Jon Stewart at the end of The Daily Show's 10th Anniversary episode, Colbert remarked about how Stewart's show is all about supporting "the underdog" and Colbert can't believe how he ever backed that "losing horse." That's why Colbert on his own show now supports "the overdog" (specifically, big business). When concluding his point, Colbert quotes the Trope Namer!
When offering solutions to help the poor and unemployed without having to raise taxes for the wealthy, Colbert suggested that rich people should buy the natural rights of poorer individuals and took Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal seriously, calling for poor children to be sold as food for extra cash.
Colbert wants the Occupy Wall Street "pity party" to end so that Wall Street can get back to their own party—snorting the ground up bones of the poor.
The Krampus: Stephen decides to join forces with Krampus to fight the eeeeeevil liberal secularists' War on Christmas. He offers Krampus some cookies and milk, which Krampus promptly whips with a rusty chain, then threatens to drag Stephen to Hell.
Kwyjibo: When it is announced that Scrabble will allow proper names to be used Stephen announces his new middle name Qxyzzy. In short, he's made up a word worth an obnoxious amount of points.
Lampshade Hanging: When discussing that "all things must come to an end," Steven mentions, "Eventually, this show will be cancelled."
The Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday: Invoked by Stephen in this segment. Stephen concludes that things keep going wrong in the cleaunup of the Mexican Gulf oil spill because someone keeps making wishes with a cursed monkey paw bought in such a shop.
Logical Fallacies: Colbert's own special brand of tortured logic permeates just about every explanation or piece of reasoning on the show. The lead-up to the epic Męlée ŕ Trois ran on a deeply bizarre use of "the transitive property of Huckabee". Not to mention his method of deducing everything from the truth about the Illuminati to the results of the 2008 presidential election, which consists of him free-associating words at random.
Loophole Abuse: In a segment ofFormidable Opponent where Stephen debates himself one of the Stephens argue that torture is constitutional. The constitution might forbid cruel and unusual punishment but that's not a problem according to Stephen if torture is used so often it is no longer unusual.
Stephen's campaign to get a bridge named after himself in Hungary on the grounds that there was no rule stating the namesake of the bridge had to be Hungarian. He later found out they did have to speak the language, however.
Mega Corp: Stephen often shills for The Prescott Group. A shady conglomerate with companies such as Prescott Pharmaceutical, Prescott Oil and Prescott Finance.
This of course is Aragorn's sword Andúril, Flame of the West, forged from the shards of Narsil, given to me by Viggo Mortensen. Now, this has nothing to do with the metaphor — I just want to remind everyone that I have this.
Mood Whiplash: Any time that a serious tragedy occurs, the tone can get pretty somber at times, in sharp contrast to the comedic aspect of the show.
As in this example, where Stephen takes a couple of shots at an elderly gay couple*
Colbert: Oh? That's ok? A coma patient, an old man with a feeding tube. But heaven forbid we make one perforated colon reference.
Motor Mouth: The Nicene Creed. Also shown when you mention he's the youngest of eleven children: "JimmyEddieMaryBillyMargoTommyJayLuluPaulPeterStephen."
When Ricky Martin came out as gay, Stephen showed that he's a longtime Martin fan by playing a (fake) clip of himself as a local news anchor. In the clip, Stephen mentions "She Bangs," which was recorded in 2000, as a "new song." Stephen actually joined The Daily Show in 1997, suggesting there may be some overlap between his fake past and his time on the show.
Mushroom Samba: Colbert has taken blotter acid on the show a couple of times (both as a joke). The first time, he licked an entire sheet of 10x10 blotter acid and sat in his set's "fireplace" (which was really just a flat-screen displaying a burning fireplace; Colbert thought it was real). The other time it was part of a "Cheating Death" segment in which Prescott Pharmaceuticals issued what was essentially blotter acid. And before he did it, he said, "Let's take a magic carpet ride!" Both times, his smiling face appeared on the front.
Nice Guy: Real-life Stephen. A suspiciously high proportion of interviews with him include some variation on "nicest man in the world", and his main worry when the show was pitched was that he wouldn't be able to handle playing an asshole.
No, Except Yes: On a proposal in Alabama to use prisoners to replace migrant workers:
Colbert: This plan worked perfectly in Georgia ... other than the working part.
No Export for You: Several (but not all) countries outside the US can't watch the videos on the site. Many fans aren't happy.
Noisy Nature: That eagle cry in the opening credits does not sound like an eagle.
Not That Kind of Doctor: Stephen has a honorary doctorate in fine arts. This doesn't stop him from presenting "Cheating Death", his segment on illness, health, and pharmaceuticals, with the name "Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA".
N-Word Privileges: Since Colbert doesn't see race, not having this is one of the ways he knows he's white.
One of Us: Even before his and Jon's Star Trek trivia war at the Reality to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, Jon played a clip of Stephen reciting Aragorn's entire geneaology.
Asked James Franco, in a Tolkien fan Nerd-Off, why Galadriel came to Middle-Earth. And Colbert corrected Franco with stats straight out of The Silmarillion.Badass in the annals of nerddom.
OOC Is Serious Business: If Colbert ever drops out of character, even if only for a moment, and starts speaking as himself, you know what's being discussed is serious.
Only Known by Their Nickname: Bill Kilmeade of 'FOX & Friends' is always referred to as "Brown-haired guy who is not Steve Doocy"
Opinion Myopia: Played for laughs. If someone doesn't agree with Stephen, he will twist the words to make it sound like it's actually an agreement.
Oral Fixation Fixation: Stephen often licks things, not to mention his pen-chewing habit.
Stephen: (on interdimensional black people) These minorities are travelling here via some kind of black hole. I'm sorry. Excuse me. "African-American" hole.
Also had one when Jimmy Fallon got his revenge on Stephen. Initially, Stephen claimed that Jimmy would match the $26,000 auction price for Stephen's portrait (which went to charity clearinghouse Donors Choose), and donate said $26,000 to Donors Choose. Jimmy replied that he had never said such a thing. Rather than turn it into another mock feud, Jimmy instead challenged viewers of both shows to donate $26,000 within a week to Donors Choose. If so, then Jimmy claimed Stephen would come on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and sing Rebecca Black's "Friday" with The Roots. Stephen's response: WTF?!...and he later did go on Fallon's show and and sing the song.
His 2008 presidential run was "sponsored by Doritos", his quest for a spot on the US Olympic team was sponsored by Dr. Pepper, Verizon, and (I think) Miller Lite, and of course he and the Colbert Nation sponsored the US Olympic speed skating team, with the logo prominently displayed on the skaters heads and thighs. During the Olympics, several family members of the speed skaters were wearing Colbert Nation hats.
Everytime Jeff Goldblum appears he makes sure to plug Law & Order: Criminal Intent, regardless of how apropos it is or isn't...but he won't be doing that anymore; the show was cancelled in June 2011.
In 2012, Stephen mocked sponsor Wheat Thins by reading quotes from the hilariously specific memo they had provided him to promote the product. It included such detailed instructions as "[Stephen] shall not be shown eating more than 16." He jams 16 in his mouth, when when he goes to add the 17th, the show suddenly has "technical difficulties." When he returns, a lawyer is on set and Stephen is mock-apologizing to Nabisco.
Rapid-Fire Typing: Any time he types anything, on anything. Typewriters, computers, phones, 10 keys, everything! Including smacking the keys with the back of his hand.
Real Joke Name: The crawl on the bottom of the screen showing donors to Colbert's Super PAC included a "Suq Madiq", who apparently has a father named Liqa Madiq and a mother named Munchma Quchi. Colbert proceeded to break character and laugh uncontrollably. He referred to them again in the April 4, 2012 episode, thanking Suq Madiq along with Harry Balsac and Apoop Mapanz.
Real-Life Relative: Stephen's children occasionally show up. One of Stephen's brothers, a lawyer, has appeared at least twice, the last time at the start of the Vancouver Olympics series to tell him he can't legally use the word "Olympics". Or "Vancouver".
Scandalgate: Stephen referred to Michelle Obama shaking the hand of Indonesia's Health Minister as "Handergate."
Scare Chord: Used along with a sudden camera change while Stephen tells the nation something allegedly horrifying in order to promote his March to Keep Fear Alive.
See You In Hell: Parodied at the end of each "Cheating Death" health segment: "This is Stephen Colbert, and I'll see you in health!"
Self-Deprecation: About his rivalry with Rain - "Beating me in a dance-off on the technicality that he's a much better dancer than I am!"
Serious Business: The idea of schools banning tater tots turns into a massive rant spurred by Steven's childhood memories about getting heinously bullied, then drowning his sorrows with a plate of tots, then finally snapping and getting his revenge on said bully by slamming his head over and over into a locker, then breaking down and sobbing over while munching on tater tots at his desk.
The rivalry between Jimmy Fallon over their Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor popularities, Colbert's "Americone Dream" and Fallon's "Late Night Snack". Apparently, potato chips in your ice cream is taboo.
When sugar becomes scarce, Steven breaks out a reserve supply and pours a whole bag down his mouth.
Spit Take: Lampshaded, predicted, deliberately engineered (twice in a row!) yet still hilarious.
Stalker with a Crush: Colbert stalks his ex-girlfriend Charlene, despite her restraining order against him. So he formed a prog-rock band "Stephen and the Colberts" and wrote a song about it. It later became a song inRock Band.
Start My Own: As a Take That to losing Time Magazine No. 1 Most Influential Person of 2007 to Rain, Colbert made a music video parodying "How To Avoid The Sun", where he not only danced but also sang in Korean.
Then after watching Speed Racer and realising that Rain had a leading role, Colbert wrote his own screenplay for a sequel which apparently consists of Rain getting run over by a car for two hours.
Stealth Parody: Believed by some to be a parody of the left-wing lens. If so, it's a rather brilliant one, as many reading this very opinion take it to mean he's thought to be sincere.
Stealth Pun: Stephen's attorney Gorlock is a legal alien.
During a segment titled "Fear for All", Stephen talks to Aaron Hicklin, editor-in-chief of 'Out' magazine:
Stephen: Like being gay, being British is a choice.
Hicklin: It's a fallacy that gay is a choice-
Stephen: This is a family show, I'd rather you not use the word 'fallacy'.
Stock Footage: There is a short clip of a roaring bear that is shown pretty much every time Stephen mentions bears, especially during the Threatdown segements.
A clip of Michael Stipe sitting on Steven's shelf shouting "HEY-OH!" gets used to keep up the Running Gag he now lives there.
Stunned Silence: Stephen's response when he learns that among the victims of "News of the World" hacking scandal were the voicemails of victims of 9/11, families of British soldiers killed in the war in Afghanistan and the voicemail of a missing 13 year old girl. "News of the World" even took the liberty of deleting some of the girl's messages when her voicemail started to fill up leading to her family being given false hope that she might still be alive.
Stephen: I am still reeling from Pres. Obama's announcement yesterday that he is gay. (crowd laughs) Now I have to assume that's the reason he supports gay marriage.
The French-Canadian and lethally foul-mouthed Stephan Colbert.
Temporal Paradox: When Stephen wanted to lure hisfuture self into the present to talk with him, he threatened to stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self came back to stop him. His future self did come back, but present Stephen went through with sticking the fork into the toaster anyway, thus killing him. When future Stephen saw that 2009 Stephen was dead, he decided to take 2009 Stephen's place so that he could still exist 500 years from now to continue hosting his show. Makes sense, doesn't it?
The "Cantons Controversy," anyone? Stephen turned this into an entire series—and even a song!—of Trash Talk. By way of background, Stephen initially praised Canton, Ohio, after John McCain made a campaign stop there, while at the same time taking a jab at Canton, Georgia. The next week, he made a fake apology and directed his Trash Talk to another Canton. By the time the segments had run their course, Stephen had insulted five towns or cities named Canton in five separate states, including Where It All Began—Canton, Ohio, after Barack Obama also campaigned there.
Colbert's test for determining if one of his male employees is gay is showing him a picture of a shirtless Matthew McConaughey and asking if they find it sexy. If they answer no Colbert says they are gay and in denial because a straight man would acknowledge how sexy he is.
Tsundere: "Charlene II (I'm Over You)" is absolutely dripping with how Stephen is totally, completely over Charlene... not that he's 100% against the concept of a relationship with her. You know, hypothetically.
Two Decades Behind: In the April 26, 2012 episode, Stephen talks about how he can relate to youth much better than Obama. He says things like "Turn off your Atari, Obama, because the game is over" and "They know I'm young because I always carry around a full deck of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and I love the Power Rangers."
U - Z
Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: Stephen expresses bewilderment at how Dennis Kucinich got married to his (taller, younger, redheaded) wife.
Stephen: Donald Trump is a friend. He's my best friend. Number 1, best, greatest friend of all time. We race yachts, we trade mistresses. I call him "Trump Card," he calls me "Col-beer." That said, the guy's a boob. He looks like a tangelo had sex with an old dishrag. And I can say that because I love this man.
Visual Pun: The occasional segment "Monkey On The Lam" opens with a graphic of a monkey riding a sheep while shooting a gun in the air.
Stephen: Steve, I am thrilled for your success. Hell, I'm amazed by it. Nobody who knows you saw this coming, and it is a joy to see you in person. When I just see you in your movies I forget how funny and attractive you are. Frankly, I'm excited.
Steve: Of course you are excited, Stephen. I'm not your normal guest, people have heard of me. Stephen, I am an international movie star.
Stephen: Yes, Steve. I suppose Canada counts as international. And yes, most of my guests are people who contribute to society. So bantering with an old friend about mindless Tinseltown pablum is a welcome vacation from substance.
Steve: Thanks, Stephen. Is a vacation for me too. I am used to having 8 million people watch me on TV. Doing the Report is like being in the Witness Relocation Program.
Stephen: My day job happens to be president of the "I Hate Rain Fanclub"!
We Named The Monkey Jack: The stuffed moose seen in the Vancouver shows was named "Ebersol"; when he went over to NBC Late-Night he was renamed "Colbert", and now that he's going on exhibit at NBC he'll get another name because Comedy Central and NBC are rival companies.
What Do You Mean, It's Not Awesome?: During an interview with HCAN leader Richard Kirsch, Colbert asks if alligators versus chickens would be awesome.
Justlisten to what he thinks Barack Obama should do after declaring the end of the war.
What Do You Mean, It\'s Not Heinous?: The idea behind the Nailed'Em segments is that Stephen viciously attacks someone who has got in trouble for doing something completely innocent.
What Have I Done: Colbert about a "fake" gay relationship entered solely in order to turn a man off the idea of gay marriage forever.
Well Done Son Guy: It seems that Stephen has some very deep approval-from-a-father-figure issues.
Worthy Opponent: Usually, the line "You sir, are a formidable opponent" is said by Colbert to Colbert in the eponymous segment. But George Will earned the right to be called that by Stephen.
The genuine Colbert also admitted in interviews to gaining a lot of respect for Rain after the dance-off, saying that he knew he was "in the presence of a master".
Worst News Judgment Ever: The show did a segment covering how a man in Athens, GA saying it was "too hot to fish" became a story in that town's newspaper, and somehow became a story in The New York Times.
Yes But What Does Zataproximetacine DO: Parodied in the "Cheating Death" segments (which open with a Chess with Death sequence where Stephen distracts Death and moves the pieces), where Colbert advertises sponsor Prescott Pharmaceutical's cure-all drug whose name is usually a variant on "Vaxadrine." Side effects include "minor heart explosions", "speaking in tongues", "braintooth", "tracheal meerkat colonies", "carcassing", "ADHDEAD", "Mind of Mencia", and "involuntary Narnia adventures". Also growth of teeth. *
You Can Panic Now: If there's fear to be mongered, Stephen's the one to do it. It's pretty much the point of Threat Down. Kinda Deconstructed at one point, where a failed terrorist attempt caused most of the media to call the bomb pathetic. Colbert then reminds everyone that they ARE scared out of their gourds "so the terrorist has succeeded and therefore doesn't have to prove his point by trying another attack".
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