Stephen is psychic.The DaColbert Code (five completely accurate Oscar picks using nothing more than random 'Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon' reasoning) is just the latest example. On Election Night 2000, he predicted "unwinnable war" and a "downward spiral" for whoever was elected. And we all know how that turned out. This has worrying implications for his statements about the Rapture and the Zombie Apocalypse.
Stephen is a Reality Warper, possibly a reincarnation of Haruhi.Alternative explanation for the above. He didn't predict those events, he caused them.
The 'real' Stephen is fake, and the 'fake' Stephen is realThe Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report may seem to be a satire to point out the ridiculousness of the Republican Party in America, who is played by the real Stephen Colbert, a Democrat. However, the Stephen on the show is the real one, and the 'real' one is what the actual Stephen thinks is satire. This is why he has shown up at Meet the Press and the infamous White House Correspondents dinner in character.
The 'real' Stephen Colbert is trying to take over the world.All of his actions are a careful plan to amass millions and millions of loyal followers. His run for president was merely a "dry-run" to see how close he was.
Stephen is a troper."Personally, folks, I think we have enough messages on TV. Like 'husbands are fat and dumb', 'wives don't want us to have any fun', and 'black woman are sassy and wise'."
Stephen is being mind-controlled by Marik from Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series.He is being made to brainwash America through his television show. His fans have shown a creepy tendency to do whatever he says; if Marik makes Stephen to tell his fans to do something, they'll do it. Thus, Marik can enslave all of America. And his name is Steve.
Stephen is the Second Coming.He's religiously conservative, has no doubt in the supernatural (wizards, demons, et cetera), preforms miracles (having infinite space under his desk, bringing styrophome cups to life), and has created a cult following for himself. He also seems quite confident that Jesus is White? How does he know? Because he is White, and he is Jesus! When he once saw his own face in a cup of coffee, it was the same phenomenon as when people see Jesus's face in pieces of toast.
Stephen is the Anti-Christ.And doing a very effective job of distracting people from the real Second Coming, Jon Stewart.
Stephen is a wizard.This is how he is able to store all that stuff (up to and including two Starbucks) under his desk, and why he can communicate with ghosts. It's also why he doesn't doubt in the supernatural. Abraham Lincoln's skull is a magical artifact he uses in his rituals.
"I also do children's parties."
Colbert isn't really a Republican.Think about it.
Sweetness talking is a long-running gag by The Colbert Report staff and a corrupt surgeon.They had a remote-frequency hearing aid powered by one of those tiny, movement-recharged power cells inserted into his deaf (or deafened) ear, and whisper into it whenever he is holding the gun. Fortunately, their plan to get him to ignore gun safety backfired when it ricocheted off his balls,
Colbert is actually reasonably conservative,
Colbert is ACTIVELY working to eradicate all species of bear on earth.Think about it... Remember how he replaced his stage manager Bobby specifically for global warming? That's for the polar bears. Grizzly bears, the terrible beasts they are, were the reason he and Jon Stewart (who is obviously in on it too) worked so hard in Barack Obama's favor. With Sarah Palin stuck in Alaska, she has nothing to do but kill bears. His most sinister work is the panda. Stephen has laced all bamboo everywhere with chemicals to reduce the panda's sex drive. Because honestly, whether it saved their species or not, would you want to see two pandas humping? I wouldn't.
Stephen is already on a team for the 2010 Winter OlympicsIt's just a secret and wont be revealed until he tries out for the sport he's actually competing in.
Stephen died as a result of one of many Prescott Pharmaceuticals' products.As of January 12, 2010, his cell phone alarm is the Dead Like Me theme. He was obviously the last reap of one of the Reapers, and either has been Undead All Along or found a loophole in the swiss cheese memory clause. (Now... how to use this fanitude to aim the Colbert Nation to the desired result of a Dead Like Me revival?)
Stephen Colbert wants an iPad.Okay, I know this is kind of out there, but go with me on it. Although Colbert doesn't like to read, he does like shiny things. And what's more shiny these days than an a gigantic iPhone? GIVE STEPHEN COLBERT AN IPAD.
Stephen possesses a working Prose Portal.However, he apparently only uses it to travel to comics, since he doesn't like to read. He looks exactly like Tek Jansen, and (based on the Cheating Death segment from March 24, 2010) has acquired and re-programmed Ruebert, using his incessant whine for good instead of annoyance. This may also be how he "wrote" I Am America and So Can You: The entire book is a quote of him shouting (and not typing) it, just with the quote marks bumped down one level and the dialogue tags turned off.
Stephen has a Split Personality.The "normal" Stephen, and the Stephen we see on the set, are two separate minds in the same body.
Stephen's I Am America (And So Can You) is a homage/challenge to America.His glorious "stack of paper" proclaims a self-portrait with the subheading "America." Somehow, he's apparently trying to call the bluff of a certain Alfred F. Jones.
Conversely, Stephen IS America.Ever seen those petitions to have Stephen Colbert voice America from Axis Powers Hetalia? He won't have to since he's pretty much Alfred in a dyed wig. I mean, he's hyper, brash, uber-patriotic and loves burgers and apple pie. He got his hatred of bears from a bad visit to Canada.
Stephen got his hatred of bears by playing Banjo-Kazooie as a child and not being very good at it....Nope, me either.
We are all Stephen Colbert in Purgatory.You mean heaven, right? The guy has the greatest life ever.
After seeing the previews of the new Captain America movie Stephen will do something with that shield.You want it to happen.
At one point in time the wheel of heroes has/will say Alfred F Jones.Either as a reference to Stephen calling himself America or because America really just likes him that much. When his name goes past, Stephen will stop talking and watch it cross the screen, mumble something about plans, and snap back to what he was doing. Doctor Who) Conceived in the TARDIS, Colbert is the child of a Timelord and America, but because he was conceived in the TARDIS, and thusly near a time vortex, he has the traits of a timelord while still being the child of a nation. Also, because he is the child of a nation, he has an innate need to be a nation- hence the title of his website as Colbertnation.