Quotes that make sense in context. These quotes used to be on Quotes.It Makes Sense In Context, but the page got too big, so now that page only has quotes about the trope, while this page has quotes that are this trope.
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"I sawed this boat in half!"
—Phil Swift, Flex Seal Done to show what Flex Tape is capable of fixing.
"Greetings, 100 foot grizzly bear. I come in... Gasp!! A giant apparatus is lifting entire families!"
—Buzz Lightyear, in a promo for Disney's California Adventure. He talked to Grizzly Peak, the park's main icon, a faux mountain shaped like a grizzly bear, and then noticed Soarin' Over California.
Anime and Manga
"Put your faith in the book and stick your fingers up Polnareff's nose!"
—Boingo to Hol Horse, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders Boingo's Stand, Thoth, can see the future, and its latest prediction starts with Hol Horse shoving his fingers up Polnareff's nose, somehow leading to the defeat of Jotaro's gang. Hol Horse can't believe what he's doing but he decides to go through with it anyway, considering the terrible fate that befell Boingo's brother Oingo when Oingo tried to defy Thoth's prophecy by disguising himself as Jotaro and getting blown up in the process.
"I'm gonna 'fix' that spaghetti, and reduce it to its original ingredients!" (Proceeds to punch the plate of spaghetti)
—Josuke Higashikata, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable after Okuyasu becomes affected by Tonio's Stand, Pearl Jam, by eating the spaghetti it was cooked into. Josuke's ability allows him to restore/repair things back to their original state... by punching them.
"If you were turned into a book last morning, you'll turn into a book, no matter what."
—Kosaku Kawajiri to Hayato Kawajiri, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond Is Unbreakable. Hayato fell victim to Rohan's Stand, Heaven's Door, which turns his face into a book for him to read. The reason he says that he'll "turn into a book" again is because Kosaku (or rather Kira) put Hayato through a "Groundhog Day" Loop where he's repeating the same morning over and over again.
"Well, I'm gonna find out where they kill people!"
—Monkey D. Luffy, One Piece The Straw Hats have just arrived at Loguetown where the King of the Pirates, Gol D. Roger, was born and eventually executed. As it's considered a historical pirate landmark, Luffy naturally wishes to see it.
'Prepare yourselves! The taste of that cake will decide our fates!"
—Charlotte Perospero, One Piece Big Mom, Perospero's mom and head of the Big Mom pirates, is on an unstoppable craving-induced rampage for a wedding cake that got destroyed, and has already torn down at least one island; her cooks working with Sanji have just made a recreation of it, and only a delicious enough cake can stop her rampage and thus save her own nation
"The fate of the world depends on my piano playing?"
—Takami "Komo" Komoda, Bokurano Komo's in a Humongous Mecha deathmatch with another universe, with the loser's universe being destroyed. For reasons unknown, the opposing pilot has given up on the battle, and comes to Komo's performance. Rather than kill her (which would result in his winning the battle), he asks her to play for him. After hearing her play, he allows Komo's father to kill him, thus causing her to win the battle.
Kanzaki: I don't want to see her be raped by machines.
Touma: Okay, that's it. How the hell can you say that when you've never even tried it?
Touma: Okay, that's it. How the hell can you say that when you've never even tried it?
—A Certain Magical Index: First volume, third chapter, 4th section: That's one translation of the line. The Yen Press official translation makes it less sexual, as: "I don't want to see her violated by a machine" "That's just...How can you say that when you haven't even tried?", and they're talking about using scientific methods to remove Index's memories, instead of the magical methods previously used.
"So to save a deranged female company president, I want you to help me kill her!"
—Karen "LLENN" Kohirumaki, Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online Karen has heard that Pito, the "company president" in question (contrary to what Karen initially assumes, Pito is a singer in real life) is obsessed with death, and is planning on killing herself if she loses the next Squad Jam, unless LLENN is the one who kills Pito in-game.
"This isn't funny! I'm being chased by a giant stuffed bear!"
—Mimi Tachikawa, Digimon Adventure Said bear is a Digimon with a Black Gear stuck in him that's holding the other kids and their partners captive.
"HAIL to the Day-VUH, he who drinks of the light of man and ex-PANDS himself, and looks like a right BIG chick-UHN!"
—Owl, Digimon Tamers The Devas are 12 Perfect/Ultimate level Digimon based on the Eastern Zodiac who guard the Sovereign, and several appear to wreak havoc in the real world fairly early on. The rooster Deva, Sinduramon, absorbs electricity to grow bigger and stronger, and has somehow possessed an owl to tell Takato and Jianliang/Henry this.
"You swore an allegiance to magic glue!"
—Jack Atlas, Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds Rex Goodwin explains to him about how he had sworn an allegiance to Iliaster, something he describes as a force that binds everything together.
"Instead of ruling the universe with an iron fist, I was serenaded by teddy bears!"
—Frieza, Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection 'F' Frieza, a sadistic Galactic Conqueror, is describing his time in hell after being brought back from the dead. Said hell consisted of him being trapped in a field of flowers while surrounded by stuffed animals and angels that sing nonstop.
"If you had my wiener, would it save your son?"
—Okarun, Dandadan Several aliens and youkai have been trying to steal Okarun's genitals, since apparently they have some kind of power or value. He's offering it to help an alien whose son has a chronic illness.
"Let's go and fill Moominvalley with crime!"
—Snufkin, Moomin (1990) Moominvalley has so little crime that the local police station is about to be closed down, and the police chief would lose his job. Snufkin realizes that if there were more crime, they couldn't close the station.
"is singing happy birthday now considered a war crime??"
—Stonehenge's description in a video clip from Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury The video clip
in question is a compilation of the deaths that happened to occur on Eri's birthday and theorizing that the same will happen for Suletta's friends, especially since one of them ended up dying as she sang happy birthday for him.
in question is a compilation of the deaths that happened to occur on Eri's birthday and theorizing that the same will happen for Suletta's friends, especially since one of them ended up dying as she sang happy birthday for him.
"If that were true, you would have a slave by your side, too!"
— Raphtalia, The Rising of the Shield Hero Motoyasu learns that Raphtalia is Naofumi's slave and challenges him to a duel for her freedom, with the corrupt king, nobles, and guards of Melromarc forcing Naofumi to accept the challenge by binding and gagging Raphtalia when she tries to protest. When Motoyasu only wins because of Malty's illegal interference and has the slave crest removed, Raphtalia slaps and calls him out for freeing him when she asked or wanted such a thing. When Motoyasu tries to argue that slavery is evil and Naofumi is evil for owning her as a slave, Raphtalia tells him that Naofumi was the one who really saved her from a life as a slave by buying her and points out that Naofumi has done far more to help her by feeding healthy food, curing her illness, and helping her learn to fight, asking Motoyasu if he's even capable of that same kindness. When Motoyasu weakly replies that he would, Raphtalia retorts that he would have a rescued slave speaking up for him if that were true.
"I have seven days to make a child?!"
—Twilight, Spy X Family Twilight is a spy who has been ordered to infiltrate in the inner circle of Donovan Desmond, the leader of a dangerous far-right political party. Desmond only appears in public at events held at his son's private school. The deadline for enrolling a kid at the school is in one week, so Twilight has to have kid at the school by then so he can go to those events as a parent. Obviously, literally "making" a child that soon is out of the question, so Twilight adopts an orphan girl.
"It's not a massager either, you know!"
— Coffret, HeartCatch Pretty Cure! Cure Marine is carelessly using her Marine Tact, a wand, to massage her face instead of using it properly.
"It's not a lullaby if it wakes the dead."
— Rikka Hishikawa, Doki Doki! PreCure Mana, a comically bad singer, attempted to put baby Ai-chan to sleep with a lullaby, which just made her cry even louder.
Manatsu: Laura. You stink.
Laura: It's your fault.
Laura: It's your fault.
— Tropical-Rouge! Pretty Cure Laura, a mermaid, had to swim through a sewer to reach Manatsu.
Comic Books
Gwen Stacy / Ghost Spider: So what's this about plagiarism?
Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Um. Doc Ock took over my body for a while, and he finished my degree while he was in there. Technically, since his work was published under my name, it's plagiarism, I guess. The law doesn't account for exchange of consciousness.
Gwen: What.
Peter: Oh look, that hot dog stand I told you about!
Gwen: You come back here, Spider-Man. We need to talk about this.
Peter Parker / Spider-Man: Um. Doc Ock took over my body for a while, and he finished my degree while he was in there. Technically, since his work was published under my name, it's plagiarism, I guess. The law doesn't account for exchange of consciousness.
Gwen: What.
Peter: Oh look, that hot dog stand I told you about!
Gwen: You come back here, Spider-Man. We need to talk about this.
—Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider #10
"Three... Cows... Shot... Me... Down. HELP ME..."
—The Vision, The Avengers Kree-Skrull War cover Reed Richards' punishment for the original 3 Skrull invaders was to force them to turn into cows and then erase their memories. They were eventually re-activated at the start of the Kree Skrull War and attacked the Vision as he was flying overhead.
"The moose has my scent again! O!"
—Wolverine, X-Men
David: Was I really screaming at my hands?
Marcos: You were pretty pissed off at those hands.
Marcos: You were pretty pissed off at those hands.
—The Sculptor David is an artist whose hands have the superpower of shaping any material into anything he wants. But after a really crappy day where all of his new art got bad reviews and failed to sell, leaving him homeless with no money, David had a nervous breakdown and began screaming at his hands for "betraying" him.
"Damn you and your lemonade!"
—Green Lantern, All-Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder Green Lantern's powers don't work on anything colored yellow. In the comic he arranges a meeting with Batman, only to find he and Robin have painted the entire Bat-Cave yellow, rendering Lantern helpless. This even gets down to the food they're serving, including lemonade.
Abe Sapien: Is that a monkey?
Hellboy: He's got a gun!
Hellboy: He's got a gun!
—Hellboy A man is turned into a chimpanzee by a demon. The demon later lures Hellboy and Abe into a trap and has the chimpanzee attack them.
Astaroth, Grand Duke of the Infernal Regions: What's all the noise about?
Mammon: It is the boy. He has eaten the pancake.
Haborym: He will never come back to us now.
Astaroth: Truly this is our blackest hour.
Mammon: It is the boy. He has eaten the pancake.
Haborym: He will never come back to us now.
Astaroth: Truly this is our blackest hour.
—Hellboy The boy in question is Hellboy, who has tried pancakes on the surface for the first time and loved them. This irrevocably sets him on a path to be an Anti Anti Christ rather than the destroyer of worlds Hell wanted him to be; the underworld felt it and despaired.
"So you're telling me that kid was the ghost of his pants?"
—Hellboy, "The Hydra and the Lion" Hellboy had just gotten back from a mission in a region of Alaska where monsters started appearing after the death of a circus strongman named Hercules, who was secretly the actual Hercules from Greco-Roman legend. He comes across an enigmatic little girl picking out a hydra's teeth; the hydra attacks and overwhelms Hellboy but loses the advantage when a lion suddenly appears and saves him. Back at B.P.R.D. headquarters, Trevor Bruttenholm and another professor speculate based on what the girl said that she and the lion were one and the same, and that said lion was the ghost of the Thespian lion whose skin Hercules wore. When Hellboy expresses disbelief that the girl was the ghost of Hercules' "pants", Bruttenholm has to clarify that Hercules actually wore the skin as a cloak.
"I am sick to death of owls!"
—Batman , prior to this point, had been mentally harassed by a group of assassins known as the Court of Owls. This is what he says when he's finally had enough.
"HOW LONG HAS YOUR HAT BEEN A LIVE RACCOON?"
—Diane, Lumberjanes She's asking this question to Molly, who was always seen wearing a coonskin hat. As it turns out, it wasn't actually a hat at all, but a raccoon Molly met on the first day of camp she named Bubbles, who spends most of his time curled up on top of Molly's head.
"Hey. One thing I've learned in all my years as a god on Earth. Never underestimate the power of a good veggie tray."
—Scott Free, Mister Miracle (2017) Scott is bringing a veggie tray to his negotiations with Darkseid. It's actually concealing a knife capable of killing the New God of Tyranny.
"Well, well, well, look what that power-constipated city just pooped up."
—Dormammu, Ultimatum: Fantastic Four Requiem #1 Johnny Storm has been brought by an enchanted Statue of Liberty to the Dark Dimension to be turned into an infernal power battery.
"You should NOT send your messages directly into our metal &#@holes."
—Vin Vision, The Vision (2015) Vin's sister Viv's lab partner in chem wants her number because Viv is out of school (she's been stabbed by the supervillain Grim Reaper), but Vin only responds with "She is out. She is ill." every time he asks. At his breaking point, the classmate asks if he should send his message into Vin's asshole, to which Vin chokes him and responds with this line.
Huey: It's started snowing again.
Louie: Don't mind that. Gyro is trying to melt our uncle.
—Disney Ducks Comic Universe Donald is trying to scare his nephews disguised as an alien snowman from a movie they watched earlier. Unfortunately, they realize it's their uncle only after Gyro Gearloose has shown up with a laser gun he invented.
"Bad new, Zelma. I saw it too... and I had the salad."
—Nico Minoru, Midnight Suns (2022) She's responding to Zelma's hope that the apocalyptic vision the whole Strange Academy saw was just an effect of what she ate on Taco Tuesday.
"SO! They laugh at my boner, will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!"
—The Joker, Batman #66 Boner back then meant "mistake." Joker has made a blunder that's turned him into a source of mockery and this has inspired him to pull a crime spree based off of history's greatest "boners".
"Cocaine is my God — and I am the human instrument of its will!"
—Snowflame, The New Guardians #2 Snowflame is a supervillain who is very high on cocane. Admittedly, this one only makes slightly more sense in context.
Cracked.com (yes, it needs its own subsection)
"'Allow me to compliment you on my Pyramid of Khufu, m'lady.'...That's my impression of Mickey Mouse visiting Egypt."
—Cracked.com, "6 Retro Ads With Accidental Sexual Innuendos" He's making fun of the logic one ad uses to sell its product.
" He's making fun of the logic one ad uses to sell its product.
"the blanket of blue keeps people on their best behavior because they subconsciously feel that they might be busted by the cheese at any time."
—Cracked.com, 5 Terrible Ideas That Solved Huge Global Problems The "blanket of blue" refers to blue streetlights Tokyo had implemented to reduce crime, "busted by the cheese" is a really amusing way to say "arrested by the police".
The "blanket of blue" refers to blue streetlights Tokyo had implemented to reduce crime, "busted by the cheese" is a really amusing way to say "arrested by the police".
"DEATH! DEATH! DEEEEEEAAAAAAAATH!!!!!!" (lean forward for kiss)
—Cracked.com, "7 Innocent Gestures That Can Get You Killed Overseas" One of the gestures is half a dozen roses, symbolic of affection in the US and mortality in Russia.
" One of the gestures is half a dozen roses, symbolic of affection in the US and mortality in Russia.
"[Y]ou can't have it both ways: You don't hire a Nazi clown to teach your kids about the Holocaust..."
—Cracked.com, "The 5 Most Excessively Creepy Children's Educational Videos" "...and you don't teach a kid about the dangers of child molestation by threatening to rape them with a crocodile puppet," in reference to a scene from one such video.
" "...and you don't teach a kid about the dangers of child molestation by threatening to rape them with a crocodile puppet," in reference to a scene from one such video.
"I've been waiting my entire life to type [this]: One of the Rock and Roll Space Bandits switched to keytar mode and rocked the mind of a construction worker into hitting the giant lobster with a crane."
—Seanbaby, Cracked.com, "6 Super Friends Villains That Didn't Give a @#%*"
"
"The dog peed on my leg again, that little Bulgarian homosexual."
—Cracked.com, "8 Racist Words You Use Every Day" One of the words was "bugger", which originated as a slur against Bulgarians/gays.
" One of the words was "bugger", which originated as a slur against Bulgarians/gays.
"Bella does not seem to care that Jacob the Pedophile Date Rapist Werewolf is babysitting the Little Loch Ness Monster Vampire Baby from Hell."
—Cracked.com, "The Twilight Series Only Gets Worse From Here (Somehow)" A summary of several of the biggest writing missteps throughout the entire series.
" A summary of several of the biggest writing missteps throughout the entire series.
"I know it's counterintuitive, but, when you crunch the numbers, it's cheaper to use black mamba venom than water."
—Cracked.com, "We Basically Sell Poison: Six Realities of "Supplement Stores" A joke about how supplements are commonly made from shady mystery ingredients.
" A joke about how supplements are commonly made from shady mystery ingredients.
"Instead Frank Castle, one of the angriest, deadliest men in the Marvel universe seems to be trying to get a volleyball game started at a tiny monster orgy."
—Cracked.com, "The 6 Most WTF Special Edition Comics Ever" A riff on The Punisher's page in Marvel's infamous Swimsuit Special where Marvel superheroes and superheroines stood around posed in skimpy swimsuits to show off their bodies. Specifically, Frank is featured in "a skull-mankini" while for some reason there are diminutive monsters tumbling around with hearts in the air.
" A riff on The Punisher's page in Marvel's infamous Swimsuit Special where Marvel superheroes and superheroines stood around posed in skimpy swimsuits to show off their bodies. Specifically, Frank is featured in "a skull-mankini" while for some reason there are diminutive monsters tumbling around with hearts in the air.
"Guys, we don't care who you voted for in the last election; if you see a giant fucking serpent at the miniature golf course, alert the management. Do not have your children fight it with a golf club."
—Cracked.com, "The 5 Circles of Baffling Web Comic Hell" A reaction to a Diversity Lane strip in which the titular character (an eight-year-old girl) is at a mini-golf course and tries to fight off a giant snake crawling out of a course labeled "Korean Kastle" while her mother chides her for doing so, Author Tract symbolism that the article's writer took literally.
" A reaction to a Diversity Lane strip in which the titular character (an eight-year-old girl) is at a mini-golf course and tries to fight off a giant snake crawling out of a course labeled "Korean Kastle" while her mother chides her for doing so, Author Tract symbolism that the article's writer took literally.
"That's got to be the bare minimum in terms of a selling point when you're inviting people to scoop the nut sack right out of a slimy, moving bowl of spikes and chew on it."
—Cracked.com, "9 Horrifying Foods You Won't Believe People Actually Eat" People defend eating the gonads of a live sea urchin by saying they can't feel pain.
" People defend eating the gonads of a live sea urchin by saying they can't feel pain.
Dźwiedź24 (yes, this needs its own section as well)
"The future holds a shovel!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "Far Country: The Glorious Revolution" In response to a line of Enemy Chatter, "You'll see what the future holds!", Dźwiedź throws a shovel at the enemy and responds with the above as Bond One-Liner.
In response to a line of Enemy Chatter, "You'll see what the future holds!", Dźwiedź throws a shovel at the enemy and responds with the above as Bond One-Liner.
"Little Red Riding Hood has a fuckhuge sword and even bigger brass knuckles, from what I'm seeing. And he ain't afraid of no wolf."
"So that ugly thing has a muzzle on its clit."
—Dzwiedz 24, "Gothsyderz: Clit Earthworm" Upon seeing The Stygian and after having to fight a smaller worm by repeatedly shooting a glowing nodule in its maw.
Upon seeing The Stygian and after having to fight a smaller worm by repeatedly shooting a glowing nodule in its maw.
"I think I have just performed an abortion with dual-wielded Desert Eagles."
—Dzwiedz 24, "Dźwiedziu's Bizarre Adventure: Pickin' Papers" After blasting an impaled Hata Mari between the legs with a pair of handcannons.
After blasting an impaled Hata Mari between the legs with a pair of handcannons.
"I shot the poor snowman because of you, you slag!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "Dźwiedziu's Bizarre Adventure: Wang Wanted Urgently" Dźwiedź gets hit by a Hata Mari's projectile, knocked to the side and shoots his bow into a snowman standing next to her.
Dźwiedź gets hit by a Hata Mari's projectile, knocked to the side and shoots his bow into a snowman standing next to her.
"Well, I am worried by what they're putting in our food these days, but when a three-year-old grows tits THIS big, that's too fucking much!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "Dźwiedziu's Bizarre Adventure: Call Me Daddy" After The Reveal that Kamiko was Born as an Adult.
After The Reveal that Kamiko was Born as an Adult.
"Excuse me, but there's a dead guy lying on this grill. Or two of them, even."
—Dzwiedz 24, "Greedfall, Ep.1: A Maid That's Maybe Unattractive, But At Least Not Stupid" When Dźwiedź is passing by a pyre burning the dead plague victims.
When Dźwiedź is passing by a pyre burning the dead plague victims.
"What's going on there?! Constipation? Diarrhea?... Zombie! Good that it's not biting anyone's ankles yet, because that would be a problem!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "Greedfall, Ep.2: Kidnappers and Charlatans" When Dźwiedź first hears moaning, and then notices a shambling plague victim.
When Dźwiedź first hears moaning, and then notices a shambling plague victim.
"Oh, so that's moonshine that won't make you blind. Good to know."
—Dzwiedz 24, "Greedfall, Ep.2: Kidnappers and Charlatans"Upon interrogating the charlatan and learning that his potions are designed to do no harm.
Upon interrogating the charlatan and learning that his potions are designed to do no harm.
"At least you're keeping this entire whorehouse running. See? You have a great career perspective as a pimp!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.17: Corpo Rats" In response to Sanjar Nandi complaining that he's forced to govern Monarch with no support while it's just being its usual Death World self.
In response to Sanjar Nandi complaining that he's forced to govern Monarch with no support while it's just being its usual Death World self.
"Dude. You just didn't say what you just said. There are monkeys running loose in this circus, in addition to clowns?!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.27: Gorgonowa's Case" In response to Roscoe Clanton mentioning that the Primals are loose on Gorgon.
In response to Roscoe Clanton mentioning that the Primals are loose on Gorgon.
"Drugs. A whole lot of drugs at once."
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.42: Invasion of the Brain Eaters" Upon finding a pile of various stat boosters spilling out of Halcyon Helen's suitcase.
Upon finding a pile of various stat boosters spilling out of Halcyon Helen's suitcase.
"If those are pants, she had a gigantic ass! Her ass was so huge that she could wear a bra on it!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.42: Invasion of the Brain Eaters" Looking at twin bulges sticking out of Halcyon Helen's knickers laying on a table.
Looking at twin bulges sticking out of Halcyon Helen's knickers laying on a table.
"Oh, so you're a lawn gnome."
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.42: Invasion of the Brain Eaters" A Call-Back to Dźwiedź's earlier derisive remark about the Grand Colonial bellhops' uniforms, upon meeting Bellhop Sullivan.
A Call-Back to Dźwiedź's earlier derisive remark about the Grand Colonial bellhops' uniforms, upon meeting Bellhop Sullivan.
"She didn't even eat her own arm to save herself."
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.43: Grins & Googlies"Upon finding the dead bellhop who used her severed arm to feed sprats.
Upon finding the dead bellhop who used her severed arm to feed sprats.
"It's a drunk-ass monkey! Two drunk-ass monkeys! Oh, Crap!!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.43: Grins & Googlies"Attacked by two Primals in the Purpleberry Orchard on Eridanos.
Attacked by two Primals in the Purpleberry Orchard on Eridanos.
"Buddy, you're reassuringly pissed off. At least you don't have a pedo-smile."
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.43: Grins & Googlies"Upon meeting The Lawyer, and after pointing out the disturbing smile of Yarbrough in a previous conversation.
Upon meeting The Lawyer, and after pointing out the disturbing smile of Yarbrough in a previous conversation.
"Blad on a Stik, and people were holding it by the blad, and not by the stik."
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.43: Grins & Googlies"A reference to the unique Trip Blade, "Blad on a Stik", and an incident mentioned by The Collector during a conversation.
A reference to the unique Trip Blade, "Blad on a Stik", and an incident mentioned by The Collector during a conversation.
"It's an eight-star hotel, and they don't serve drinks with those funny little umbrellas in them?! Inconceivable!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.45: Monstrous SLUGs from Outer Space" In response to hearing a bit of NPC chatter stating that the Grand Colonial Hotel indeed does not serve drinks with little umbrellas in them.
In response to hearing a bit of NPC chatter stating that the Grand Colonial Hotel indeed does not serve drinks with little umbrellas in them.
"Bitch, I'm a genius and I have my thinking cap on."
—Dzwiedz 24, "At Universe's End, Ep.45: Monstrous SLUGs from Outer Space" In response to Dr Blossom saying that the player's character won't be able to understand the research documents. Except, Dźwiedź was running a high-Intelligence build with an Intelligence-boosting helmet.
In response to Dr Blossom saying that the player's character won't be able to understand the research documents. Except, Dźwiedź was running a high-Intelligence build with an Intelligence-boosting helmet.
"That asshole threw a dog at me! What a... Screw it, I'm calling the SPCA, he's throwing dogs at me!"
—Dzwiedz 24, "Dźwiedź Royale: Throwing Dogs At Me" In the Zombie Mode of Black Ops Cold War, an Orda launches a Hellhound at Dźwiedź, prompting him to say the line.
In the Zombie Mode of Black Ops Cold War, an Orda launches a Hellhound at Dźwiedź, prompting him to say the line.
"Sometimes you don't need much to have fun. A stick or some suspicious herbs are enough."
—Dzwiedz 24, "Diary of a Young Herbalist, Ep.5: From the Notes of a Moonshiner" After selling the energizing Feverkiss to Simone and identifying the confidence-boosting Mountain Astory.
After selling the energizing Feverkiss to Simone and identifying the confidence-boosting Mountain Astory.
"But they ended the support for this game! They just pushed it downhill and are watching it roll... on fire."
—-Dzwiedz 24, "What Am I Twitchin'?: BF2042 Sales Records" after a conversation during the stream revealed that during a presentation for EA shareholders, the subject of Battlefield 2042 was curiously omitted and the slide mentioning the performance of Battlefield as a series used artwork from Battlefield V - that by then was not supported anymore.
after a conversation during the stream revealed that during a presentation for EA shareholders, the subject of Battlefield 2042 was curiously omitted and the slide mentioning the performance of Battlefield as a series used artwork from Battlefield V - that by then was not supported anymore.
Fan Works
"So, Calvin's the Earth Potentate, Hobbes and Socrates are robots and you're a Pharaoh. All together an off day."
"Get my Metal cutter, Jack, we need to break into our secret hideout."
—Dr. Brainstorm, Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Dr. Brainstorm made an invention that could instantly make a secret underground base, but realizes too late that he forgot to add a door to said base.
Black Widow: ...She's a freaking Hulk in a miniskirt.
Iron Man: Wears it a lot better than he would, at least.
Iron Man: Wears it a lot better than he would, at least.
—Beautiful Destroyer Sailor Moon They're describing the titular Sailor Moon.
"Why were you planting trees instead of…well, playing dodgeball?"
—Stella, Flowing Star Stella asked to Girl Jordan after she was woken up by her, noticing she has was planting a tree and was wearing overalls.
Peter: It looks like we're being invaded by ping-pong balls.
M'Baku: The ping-pong balls will die at my hands.
T'Challa: Yes, thank you M'Baku.
M'Baku: The ping-pong balls will die at my hands.
T'Challa: Yes, thank you M'Baku.
—Halloween Unspectacular: Blue Alert The "ping-pong balls" are escape pods from Rausseman's space station.
"Okay, Harry gets anal beads for Christmas then. In other news, we still need money."
—Hermione, Hagrid and the Skoolgurlz The band is short on money, so Hermione figures that they can sell the pearls they picked up at their last gig. Unfortunately, Dumbledore has already used them as anal beads. An unfazed Luna suggests giving them to Harry, who not only somehow hears them when he's all the way back at Hogwarts, but approves of the gift.
Kirito: Hey, uh, Tiffany?
Tiffany: Yeah, man?
Kirito: If you don't mind, tell Liz I didn't actually call it the Piece of Shit.
Tiffany: 'kay, I'm gonna need a little more info to go on that...
Kirito: And Klein?
Tiffany: [offscreen] Oh okay, I guess we're just done here.
Tiffany: Yeah, man?
Kirito: If you don't mind, tell Liz I didn't actually call it the Piece of Shit.
Tiffany: 'kay, I'm gonna need a little more info to go on that...
Kirito: And Klein?
Tiffany: [offscreen] Oh okay, I guess we're just done here.
—Sword Art Online Abridged Liz made a sword for Kirito out of a rare drop; since the drop was dragon shit, he told her that he was going to name it the Piece of Shit, which offended her pride. Of course, Tiffany wasn't there for any of that.
"A knight needs pants! NOW!!"
—Gladion, Infinity Train: Knight of the Orange Lily Gladioni fashions himself as a knight, and he's just waking up from an amnesia spell to play pretend for a mother who has lost her child to the Apex. When he realizes what happened, he tore off his clothes in a fury...and realizes a minute later he stripped in a public area. He has to dive into a bush to save his decency.
"So this is the guy that made you stare at my crotch for identification?"
—Specter, Infinity Train: Knight of the Orange Lily Gladion was thrown into a casket by Paul London (in his Lucha Underground Rabbit Tribe attire that has him wear white and there are sequins around the groin of his pants). When he gets spooked by Specter, who also wears white, he assaults him before clearing his head and briefly looks at Specter's crotch to make sure this isn't the same loon who attacked him.
"I’m not going to let you use a Goetia artifact to expose my embarrassing baby photos!”
—Asher, Infinity Train: Seeker of Crocus Asher — aka Sycamore's Shadow from the TV World Car — has just remembered that he is the son of two Goetia demons, Malphas and Raum. Chloe (who has an obsession for the Goetias) wants to confirm this by using the power of her Cloak — which can let her see into a person's soul — but Asher refuses since Chloe mainly wants to see him as a baby shadow...which she does a few chapters later
"MARLOWE! GATHER OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS! YOUR BALLS ARE ABOUT TO BE AVENGED!"
—Adam Taurus, Remnant Inferis: DOOM The Doom Slayer had previously castrated Marlowe and trounced the White Fang. When Cinder enlists their help to take William down, Adam announces this gem.
"I am going to EAT your PENIS, Frank."
—Robert Jefferson, "Frank's Night Out" Robert has had Frank's downstairs equipment cut off for the crime of having sex with Robert's wife. To complete his revenge, he's going to force Frank to watch him eat his severed penis.
"Gross. I hate rainbows."
—Akaoni, Twinkling in the Dark Joker had just thrown up a rainbow.
"Look, I stole his nose too!"
—Milly Baxter, Glitter Force: Into the Glitterverse She defeated an Akanbe, a monster known for their large clown noses, and took his nose as a victory prize.
"Does that mean I can marry a princess when I grow up?"
—Katrina Beaufort, Ma Fille She's five, and learning about gay relationships.
They all looked at each other, and started chanting "les-bi-an, les-bi-an" over and over again.
—Shining and Sweet They all showed up to work in a red-and-black plaid flannel shirt, which they call the lesbian uniform.
"So Birthday Boy's an international fugitive. We having overpriced cake or what?"
—Allan, this Miraculous Ladybug fan comic After the events of "Strikeback", Félix has been actively hiding from Ladybug and Cat Noir by heading back to London, officially "going missing", and asking his mother to keep up the ruse. His friends only learn this when they see his "disappearance" getting news coverage while they're out celebrating Félix's birthday with him.
Miraculous Ladybug fan comic After the events of "Strikeback", Félix has been actively hiding from Ladybug and Cat Noir by heading back to London, officially "going missing", and asking his mother to keep up the ruse. His friends only learn this when they see his "disappearance" getting news coverage while they're out celebrating Félix's birthday with him.
Jubei: But be warned, never stick your dick in crazy.
Ragna: Why? Because of the emotional stress?
Jubei: No, because every time you do the world ends!
Ragna: Why? Because of the emotional stress?
Jubei: No, because every time you do the world ends!
—BlazBlue Alter Memory Abridged The end point of the time loop the characters live in is Ragna performing a Fusion Dance with Nu-13, a Killer Robot who acts like his psychotic girlfriend. The start point of the loop is the emergence of the Black Beast before it decimates humanity.
"Kiss those annoying balls of yours goodbye, for they shall help you no more!"
Obito Uchiha, Son of the Sannin he's referring to Naruto's Truth Seeking Orbs which Obito just trapped inside the Kamui dimension, preventing Naruto from recalling them.
"I never realised how dangerous dry plants could be."
—Svetlana Blomgren, Everyday Craziness in Pontypandy She just witnessed a bush fire started by a haystack
"I like to bite the heads off first."
—Regina, 25 Days of Curemas She's talking about gingerbread men.
"Did you murder the paper before or after you finished?"
"Just pick it up and smack it around."
—Saori Hyuuga, Pretty Cure: Magic of the Rainbow The chapter title "Dough Making" should explain it.
Films — Animated
"You're not gonna believe this, but it's a one-wheeled haystack."
—Napoleon, The Aristocats Napoleon is looking a sidecar that has become detached from its motorcycle while moving at high speed, and crashed into a haystack
"Then I just spray them with the taco!"
—Lord Business, The LEGO Movie Lord Business is demonstrating his superweapon, the TAKOS (the "S" is silent), which sprays Krazy Glue to permanently freeze the inhabitants of the LEGO world.
"Why is the dragon on top of the luxury condo development?"
— The Man Upstairs, The LEGO Movie He asks this to his son when he comes down and sees that his play set is ruined by his son placing different LEGO pieces in different sets.
"Good gracious! Who left the mop running?"
—Flora, Sleeping Beauty She and the other two Good Fairies opted to use their enchantment magic to help around the house while Aurora, their surrogate child who is unaware that they're fairies, is away. When they realize she's coming back, they quickly undo all of their enchantments, but miss the mop.
"Oh! Somebody put out the cat!"
—Drizella, Cinderella III: A Twist in Time Their cat Lucifer was sleeping a little too close to a lit fireplace while Jaq and Gus snuck by, unintentionally putting the tip of his tail in the coals.
"I'm not a frog; I don't even like frogs. And it's not because I can't swim that I'm not allowed to drink champagne! It's not easy being a gangster."
—Monsieur Grenouille, A Cat in Paris Between letting his target get away because of his inability to swim (which makes his name, Grenouille/Frog, fairly ironic, as pointed out by his co-workers) and being denied champagne for his failure, Monsieur Grenouille has been having a bad day.
"Seek help from the queen of the hippo-"
—Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) "-griffs." She was Taken for Granite mid-sentence.
"Who puts eyeballs in filling?"
—Grubber, My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) The heroes are using a giant cake as a Trojan Horse. He noticed one of them hiding in it.
"I had a little trouble with the fireplace."
—Judge Claude Frollo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame During his Villain Song, the fireplace in question kept on providing images of Esmeralda (among other things) to symbolize Frollo's lust for her, culminating with him deciding to burn down the entire city of Paris in his search for her.
Timon: Hey, what's goin' on here? Who's the monkey?!
Nala: Simba's gone back to challenge Scar!
Timon: Who?
Nala: Scar.
Pumbaa: Who's got a scar?
Nala: No, no, no, it's his uncle.
Timon: The monkey's his uncle?
Nala: Simba's gone back to challenge Scar!
Timon: Who?
Nala: Scar.
Pumbaa: Who's got a scar?
Nala: No, no, no, it's his uncle.
Timon: The monkey's his uncle?
—The Lion King (1994) The monkey, Rafiki, has finally convinced Simba to face his past and challenge Scar as rightful heir to Mufasa's throne.
"Oh, Pooh! You messed up my moose!'
—Rabbit, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh After Pooh ate too much honey and got himself stuck in the entrance to Rabbit's burrow, he decided to attempt to make Pooh's rump look better by turning it into a decorative picture frame/shelf/hunting trophy. Keyword: "attempt."
"My donkey fell in your waffle hole."
—Shrek, Shrek Forever After After Shrek unknowingly lets Rumpelstiltskin take over Far Far Away, he escapes with Donkey and finds out that Fiona escaped her tower in this timeline. They later find out that Fiona's been leading an ogre resistance after Donkey fell for their trap, which was a freshly made stack of waffles laid out as bait.
"I'll stuff you all in the crust!"
—Gru, Despicable Me Margo, Edith and Agnes are interrupting Gru's proposal to steal the moon to Mr. Perkins. They ask to order pizza with stuffed crust, and Gru replies with the above quote.
"I told you that house would attract aliens!"
—Lucy/Wyldstyle, The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part Emmet built a bright yellow house for he and Lucy to live in together, but Lucy warns him that it might get noticed by aliens, the kind the citizens of Apocalypseburg are currently at war with, who claim any bright and colorful bricks they can find. Lucy tells Emmet this when they're being chased by a new kind of alien that happens to be from the same galaxy.
"Hello, toast! I greatly admire your ship!"
—Ooblar, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius Wishing to discover alien life, Jimmy sends a recorded message player made from a toaster into space, which gets picked up by the Yolkians. When a piece of toast pops out of it, Ooblar mistakes it for an alien lifeform and tries to communicate with it, even after King Goobot tells him that it's just toast.
"Superman..."
—The Iron Giant, The Iron Giant As the Iron Giant is about to sacrifice himself to stop a nuclear warhead, he is reminded of Hogarth telling him that he is who he chooses to be, and he wishes to be a hero like Superman.
Poppy: Why not? Why won't you sing?
Branch: Because singing killed my grandma, okay?
Branch: Because singing killed my grandma, okay?
—Trolls When Branch was a child, he was singing so loud he didn't hear a Bergen coming to eat him, leading his grandmother to sacrifice herself while saving him.
"One minute, you're defending the whole galaxy, and suddenly, you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with...Marie Antoinette and her little sister."
—Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story After coming to the realization that he's just a toy and not a real Space Ranger, a depressed Buzz is found by Woody in a pretend tea party with Hannah's dolls, both of which are missing their heads because of her brother Sid.
"My holes aren't a curse! They're the answer!"
—The Spot, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse He's just discovered that the miniature portals on his body can become portals to other universes and he can harness them to become more than a Villain of the Week.
Films — Live-Action
"I beat the shit out of some kids today, but it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It's like I did something constructive with my life, like I accomplished something."
—Willie Stokes, Bad Santa The kids in question were bullying Thurman Merman, his young friend.
"Hello. My name is Elliot Moore. I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes. We're just here to use the bathroom, and we're just going to leave. I hope that's okay... Plastic. I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it."
—Elliot Moore, The Happening Plants are forcing people to kill themselves. Elliot initially assumes that the plastic plant is real and tries to talk it out of doing so to him.
"I'm gonna lay eggs in that man's ears."
—Barry Speck, Dinner for Schmucks Barry's friend Tim has instructed him to get back at his rival by playing a Paranoia Gambit with him, comparing it to an earwig laying eggs in people's ears.
"Master has presented Dobby with clothes! Dobby is free!"
—Dobby, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets In House Elf culture, which is what Dobby is, if a master is to present an enslaved House Elf with clothes, it means they are (according to how they interpret it) either free or fired. Dobby took the former meaning.
"By the authority granted to me by his imperial majesty Kaiser Wilhelm the Second, I now pronounce you man and wife. Proceed with the execution."
—Captain of the Louisa, The African Queen Getting married was the protagonists' last request.
"ET is a floor plan to Area 51 as well as an access key, and every cartridge contained a piece of the alien ship."
—Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie The Nerd is talking about a Plot Point of the film during his review of the Eee Tee game at the movie's very end.
"I figured out why the hippo did it."
—Max, Elysium Matilda, the child of Max's friend, told him a story earlier about a hippo who helped a meerkat grab fruits, the meerkat getting fed and the hippo making a friend. Max shrugged off the story until the climax, when he helps cure Matilda's leukemia.
"You are standing in my brain."
—Arnim Zola, Captain America: The Winter Soldier His "brain" is a supercomputer containing his consciousness, hidden in a secret bunker two of the heroes have just discovered.
"It's a duck! And I was about to try Latin..."
—Professor Lindenbrock, Journey to the Center of the Earth In the 1959 film, the two were trapped in a barn, and were trying to communicate with what they thought was someone using Morse Code (actually the aforementioned duck) in several languages.
Aurora: Did you wake me up?
Jim: Yes, I woke you up.
Aurora: [has a look of shock and betrayal]
Jim: Yes, I woke you up.
Aurora: [has a look of shock and betrayal]
—Passengers (2016), the two are on a ship during a 120-year voyage. Aurora was supposed to be in cryo-sleep for that duration, but Jim woke her up and there's no way she can go back to cryo-sleep. The story Jim gave her was that the sleeping pod she was in malfunctioned and prematurely woke her up, when in reality he sabotaged it.
"Well, isn't that a pretty picture: Santa rolling down the block in a panzer!"
—Scott Calvin, The Santa Clause While working on an advertisement, Scott, who just recently became the new Santa Claus, takes issue with a picture of Santa riding a tank.
"I think that tank just had a baby!"
—Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) The robotic tank Sonic had just defeated deploys another smaller robot to continue chasing the heroes.
"It's me! I'm the groin!!"
—Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) When Sonic says that they need to find Robotnik's weak point, Knuckles suggests a Groin Attack, since "the groin is the most common weak point". This leads to the realization that Robotnik's obsession with Sonic is his weak point (aka, the "groin").
Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.
—Gus, The Ref A drunken neighbor dressed up as Santa has just tried to attack Gus upon realizing he's a wanted jewel thief, declaring "I'm Santa Claus!" before his assault. Gus' response is to knock him out and say this.
Peter: What's this guy's deal?
Tony: He's from space, he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.
Tony: He's from space, he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.
—Avengers: Infinity War Cull Obsidian, one of Thanos' minions, is currently invading New York in order to take the Time Stone, which is currently being guarded by the MCU's resident magic user and being stored in the Eye of Agamotto necklace.
"Thank you very much! I was just out walking my rat, and I seem to have lost my way."
—James Bond, Diamonds Are Forever Messrs. Albert Wint and Charles Kidd had left him for dead in an unfinished pipeline, and when he recovered from the knockout gas Blofeld had earlier administered he noticed a rat in front of him, and when a machine in the pipeline approaches them, causing the rat to scamper away, he sabotages it to get the attention of a couple of workers who are surprised to see him as he greets them with this quote.
"Death can be handed out through a fucking calculus book!"
—Light Turner, Death Note (2017) He's talking of the eponymous Death Note, which kills people when their names are written into it.
"I need to find a way to touch a lot of people at the same time."
—Maxwell Lord, Wonder Woman 1984 Max Lord has obtained the power to grant people's wishes, and take something from them, if they wish while touching him. But his health deteriorates if he goes too long without wish granting, which is why he wants to grant a lot of wishes simultaneously so he can steal all the wishers's health at once.
"Abner! You see who that is?" (points at an enormous starfish) "It's your mom!"
—Bloodsport, The Suicide Squad Abner Krill, AKA Polka-Dot Man, was tortured by his mother in her experiments to give him superpowers, and thus developed a complex where he sees his mother's face over everyone he meets. Bloodsport invokes this when pointing out the rampaging Kaiju Starro, causing Abner to see his mother over the beast and give him the courage to attack it.
"America was terrified... of an orange!"
—Wenwu, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings He's referring to the Mandarin, which was used years ago as a front for a terrorist attack.
"Sixth grade? Wow! I should fart in more people's offices!"
— Junior Healy, Problem Child 2 The principal bumps him up to sixth grade after he let out a big fart so that he can be out his hair quicker.
"Play a game with me, wouldja? How about Street Fighter?"
—Pennywise, It: Chapter Two He's mocking Richie's sexuality, as Richie had previously played Street Fighter with Henry Bowers' cousin. When Richie asks if he wants to play another round, the cousin takes this as hitting on him and becomes homophobic.
"This time, it's gonna take more than killing me to kill me!"
—Doctor Strange, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness In order to fight in a different universe, Strange possesses the corpse of his alternate self.
'"Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's... Super-Freddy!"
—Freddy Krueger, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child Freddy is taking this form to kill a comic book nerd in his dreams.
Soren: Dude, chill, it's a fucking taco.
Bryce: A fucking taco that might hold up in court?!
Bryce: A fucking taco that might hold up in court?!
—The Menu The Hawthorne diners are currently being served fancy chicken tacos, the twist being that the tortillas have been laser-engraved with references to terrible things they've done. In Soren and Bryce's case, the tortillas depict details regarding their Cayman Islands offshore bank accounts alongside other illicit activities.
"Newsflash, Einstein. Better universes generally don't include a bunch of octopuses selling meth to guys with cockroach heads."
—Star-Lord, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 He's calling bullshit on the High Evolutionary's claim that he's working to improve the universe by pointing out how his "perfect society" of uplifted animals has crime in it, citing this specific incident that he, Groot, and Nebula saw on their way to the Arête.
"Okay, you fucking praying mantis. All right, bitch. You like Sour Patch Kids?"
—Emerald Haywood, Nope She's throwing candy she has on hand to scare away a praying mantis obstructing their shot of the UFO.
Let's Play
"HE FUCKING THREW A GODDAMN GLUE! He fuckin' threw a glue WHILE I WAS MID-FUCKING-AIIIRRRRR!!!!!!"
—Markiplier In his playthrough of Hello Neighbor, the neighbor hit Mark with a glue bottle (which slows you down) while Mark was jumping to a window across the room.
"I am NOT a sausage! How DARE you!"
—Simon Lane, the Yogscast He was playing Prop Hunt, where one team hides as map props and the other team must find and kill them. Lewis Brindley, a Hunter, stumbles across some sausages and asks Simon if he is one.
"Last time on Super Mario Sunshine, in a nutshell!
Chuggaaconroy! - Delfino Airstrip, ten coins. - "Your mother sings, very strange songs..." - Eight Red Coin mission. - Turbo Nozzle. - Religious imagery! - Shine Sprite. - Keep your coins. - The 100 coins. - Easiest 100-Coin Shine in the entire game. - You fail at life. - The Blue Coins. - Down that door! - Spray that icecube. - Thank you, God! - Pianta. - Fire. - After the flood, he moves up here. - Humanaha! - Butt. Mightier. Than. Cardboard. - Coin. - Blue Coin. - Now for this lady. - Pineapples! - Yellow. - Miyamoto's racist. - Shoplifting produce makes everything better. - That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! - Guilty in possession of stolen fruit. - She wants bananas. - Bananas. - Bananas. - Drop them right in. - Yellow Toad, Blue Toad. Know which game that reminds me of? - Durians. - You can only kick them. - Jumping, and then running into them. - Not that hard. - (Angrish sound) - AH AH AH AH AH!"
—Chuggaaconroy, introducing Episode 34 of his Super Mario Sunshine LP. It's a montage of some of Chuggaa's hammier moments from the previous episode, in which he took care of lots of out-of-the-way collectables and sidequests.
It's a montage of some of Chuggaa's hammier moments from the previous episode, in which he took care of lots of out-of-the-way collectables and sidequests.
"The world's ending and all you care about is if I have a cow on my head!"
—Chuggaaconroy, in his LP of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask Romani's Mask, which looks like a cow's face and is worn on top of Link's head, is required to show membership of the members-only Milk Bar. The owner wouldn't let him in without it on even though the moon was going to crash into Termina and destroy everything in a few minutes.
"We're going bowling with the president's nose!"
—Chuggaaconroy, in his LP of Pikmin 3 He's referring to an iron ball that he needs to push down an slope; the ball was the nose in a snow sculpture model of the president of Hocotate Freight, seen in his earlier LP of Pikmin 2.
"There is an invisible wall stopping me from claiming my chicken!"
—Chuggaaconroy, in his LP of The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass Chugga was planning on showing off how Cuccos can be used to temporarily fly, thus allowing Link to access areas he otherwise couldn't. However, one of the Cuccos was chased to the top edge of the screen, and because he still needed to talk to a certain NPC before progressing, Ciela prevented Chugga from going further, thus blocking him off from the Cucco.
"Life goals: can't wait to buy my first jerky."
—Chuggaaconroy, in his LP of Chrono Trigger There's a man in Porre who will sell Spiced Jerky for 9,900 gold, which is important for a sidequest later. Chugga, having just started the game, only has a few hundred.
"Go, my attack kittens, go! Kill the minotaur!"
—ProtonJon from his LP of Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow The main character of the game, Soma Cruz, can absorb the souls of enemies he defeats and gain an ability from them; one such ability allows him to summon a charging cat. The cats quickly become Jon's favorite soul power, which he uses to fight a majority of enemies, the aforementioned minotaur among them.
"Captain Falcon, why are you dating that horse?!"
—ProtonJon, The Runaway Guys, Wii Party While playing Friend Connection, the game takes two pairs of Miis chosen at random and states that they are the best and worst couple. Miis that Chuggaaconroy had created to resemble Captain Falcon and Mister Ed were the "best couple".
"Should we do Daisy on hard?"
—Chuggaaconroy, TRG stream "Chugga's Lost Innocence" While about to play Mario Party 6, the Guys picked Daisy as their CPU opponent. Chugga was asking if they should put her difficulty setting at "hard". Soon enough, ChuggaXDaisy became a thing.
While about to play Mario Party 6, the Guys picked Daisy as their CPU opponent. Chugga was asking if they should put her difficulty setting at "hard". Soon enough, ChuggaXDaisy became a thing.
"I'm inside Daisy's heart-shaped box."
—Chuggaaconroy, same video "Crate and Peril" is a 1-v-3 minigame where the three have to avoid obstacles in a small box controlled by the one. Daisy was the one with the box. Chugga, under the impression that Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box" referred to a literal box of chocolates, offhandedly quoted the song, leaving NCS and Jon in disbelief at his lack of foresight.
"Crate and Peril" is a 1-v-3 minigame where the three have to avoid obstacles in a small box controlled by the one. Daisy was the one with the box. Chugga, under the impression that Nirvana's "Heart-Shaped Box" referred to a literal box of chocolates, offhandedly quoted the song, leaving NCS and Jon in disbelief at his lack of foresight.
"What's the point of going all the way to Hell if you're not gonna put the devil in the center of your frame?"
—Chuggaaconroy, The Runaway Guys, Pokémon Snap Episode 3 NintendoCapriSun took a photograph of a Magmar silhouetted inside a pillar of fire, leading to a series of jokes about the Pokémon being summoned from hell. The photograph was submitted to Professor Oak for approval, but the criteria for picture quality being inconsistent means Oak focuses on the Magmar being off center more than the unlikely circumstances of the picture's context, much to the guys' frustration.
"You tried the boomerang! On soup!"
—ProtonJon, The Runaway Guys, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past Episode 26 Chugga tried nearly every item on the Mad Batter's altar, which resembles two hands holding a bowl of red liquid, before finally using the correct item, the Magic Powder.
"I just peed all over that goddamn mountain."
"Why is the belt below his ass?"
—Sips, Jaffa Factory #76, "Bin Chute" Simon Lane attempted to build a Santa on the top of the Jaffa Factory, but his building skills at the time were subpar. Consequentially, the belt was placed just below the Santa's butt cheeks, causing Sips, Sjin, Duncan Jones and Lewis Brindley to all burst into hysterical laughter, with Lewis crying.
Simon Lane attempted to build a Santa on the top of the Jaffa Factory, but his building skills at the time were subpar. Consequentially, the belt was placed just below the Santa's butt cheeks, causing Sips, Sjin, Duncan Jones and Lewis Brindley to all burst into hysterical laughter, with Lewis crying.
"I ran into a wall that someone painted on the floor!"
—Stampylongnose Stampy was playing the original Mario Kart, where 3D graphics were faked using optical illusions. In the stage he was playing, however, the so-called “walls” he ran into were not given this treatment very effectively.
"Shut up, Abraham Lincoln! I hate you so much!"
—Markiplier He was playing Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy, a high-difficulty game where slipping up and losing progress is very common. When the player loses progress, the narrator sometimes quotes inspirational quotes about failure and perseverance from famous people, including Abraham Lincoln, to reassure the player. However, hearing the narrator's voice only served to irritate Mark further.
"Don't ink me. Don't ink me, bro! Now look, I'm in the fuckin' petunias!"
—Jacksepticeye He was playing Mario Kart 8: Deluxe. During a race on Yoshi's Island (GCN), Jack, playing as Waluigi, was inked by a Blooper, causing him to steer into a patch of flowers.
"Be careful, Joss Whedon! You don't have much time before the SWAT team arrives!"
—Markiplier He was playing a level of Friday the 13th: Killer Puzzle that had a time limit till Jason got busted by the SWAT. Mark, reading the description for the level, fumbled the pronunciation of Jason's name (resulting in it coming out like Jaw-son) and decided to roll with it.
"Are chickens coming out of his butt? How are you supposed to kill anyone like that?!"
—DanTDM, from his video of Totally Accurate Battle Simulator.
"I'm in a submarine that's made out of my dog."
—Egoraptor, Game Grumps He's talking about Rush, Mega Man's dog robot who is able to turn into a submarine.
"Get out of your tornado!"
—JonTron, Game Grumps
"Whoa, I thought she was topless for a minute... And then I realized she had no mouth, and she was a potato."
—Danny Sexbang, Game Grumps
"WAKE UP FATHER, I'M FULLY ERECT!"
—Danny Sexbang, Game Grumps, Ninja Gaiden Having just defeated the final boss of Ninja Gaiden (after suffering through hours of replaying the same level to get back to it), Arin joked that he was so excited that he had an erection. Danny then fused the onscreen dialogue with Arin's comment, creating the above quote.
"Getting red splotches on a piece of paper is now Story Mode."
—Omgarrett here. He's playing The Binding of Isaac. He recently unlocked The Lost, the only character that still needs to unlock things, which is denoted by a picture appearing on a sticky note. If the criteria was fulfilled on Hard Mode, the picture has red around it. However, since The Lost is The Lost, he didn't want to play as him, instead opting to do a run as Eden. He described the run as a break or an Intermission from the Lost unlocks, which he described as Story Mode.
here. He's playing The Binding of Isaac. He recently unlocked The Lost, the only character that still needs to unlock things, which is denoted by a picture appearing on a sticky note. If the criteria was fulfilled on Hard Mode, the picture has red around it. However, since The Lost is The Lost, he didn't want to play as him, instead opting to do a run as Eden. He described the run as a break or an Intermission from the Lost unlocks, which he described as Story Mode.
"One of us is strong, whereas the other one...is the Death Star."
—Omgarrett here. He's playing Switchball with his friend Sectus. There's Color-Coded Multiplayer in this game: Gar is the white ball and Sectus is the black ball. Balls come in 4 forms: default, light, heavy, and special (which can absorb power to do special moves). Sectus thinks his light ball looks like the Death Star. The area of the level that Gar and Sectus are in forces them to play as the light ball, which is more floaty than any other ball, and is usually pathetic at pushing crates. At that moment, however, Gar's light ball was pushing crates at distances that any other light ball can't do, for some reason. Hence, Gar is strong, and Sectus is the Death Star.
. He's playing Switchball with his friend Sectus. There's Color-Coded Multiplayer in this game: Gar is the white ball and Sectus is the black ball. Balls come in 4 forms: default, light, heavy, and special (which can absorb power to do special moves). Sectus thinks his light ball looks like the Death Star. The area of the level that Gar and Sectus are in forces them to play as the light ball, which is more floaty than any other ball, and is usually pathetic at pushing crates. At that moment, however, Gar's light ball was pushing crates at distances that any other light ball can't do, for some reason. Hence, Gar is strong, and Sectus is the Death Star.
"Still hoping for that Cricket's Head every now and again, but... is just not appearin'. Instead, we get a whole bunch o' gunk. I don't want gunk. I want good stuff, I want heads. Give me heads! It's all I want, all I desire. Heads, everywhere! That's a pretty normal thing to ask for, isn't it? Just some heads. There's plenty of heads in the world, I only need one. Well, just one extra one. And granted, we already have, like, a baby following us around who has a head as well, but that head doesn't give us as much damage. It's not as good of a head. I need a better head, a stronger head, a more thoughtful head. One that can really get the tears flowing. One that can really make the tears big and strong, compared to the current one and Sister Maggy is... just givin' us a friend to talk to every now and again, an'... have a little chit-chat with, you know, just good times in general. Don't want good times, I want miserable times, I wanna cryyyyyyyyy. I wanna be a little crybaby. I wanna cryyy, like a crybaby. But noooo. Crying is not for me."
—Omgarrett here. Omgarrett really wants to get Cricket's Head, which is an item that increases the fire rate of your tears. He isn't getting it, although he did get an item called Sister Maggy, which is a follower who shoots small projectiles.
. Omgarrett really wants to get Cricket's Head, which is an item that increases the fire rate of your tears. He isn't getting it, although he did get an item called Sister Maggy, which is a follower who shoots small projectiles.
"And that's also one of the, like, uh, viewerbases I'm trying to reach with these videos. I'm trying to reach the people who are ghosts, that haunt mail delivery people... um, by moving their stuff around, by cycling their mail delivery... tablet-writey thingies for people's signature, across various different mail delivery people. That's the specific viewerbase I'm trying to reach."
—Omgarrett here. Gar started rambling on the Caves floors in The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, and he started talking about how the tablets that mail delivery people use are impossible to correct anything on, unless you're either the guy who made it or a ghost who steals those tablets, practices, and then gives them to different mailmen and then steals their tablets, in an endless cycle.
. Gar started rambling on the Caves floors in The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth, and he started talking about how the tablets that mail delivery people use are impossible to correct anything on, unless you're either the guy who made it or a ghost who steals those tablets, practices, and then gives them to different mailmen and then steals their tablets, in an endless cycle.
"4 was kinda good because your egg wasn't as big as a rocket launcher."
—Omgarrett Gar is talking with his friends about Resident Evil. Sectus asked for their opinions on Resident Evil 4's inventory system, leading Gar to respond with the above quote. Gar is alluding to the fact that objects of different sizes didn't take up the same amount of space in the inventory.
"My wildlife is all fucked up, my cat has a gun, and there's a dinosaur, and I don't even know if this is technically Skyrim anymore."
—The Scatsbury, Skyrim - Modded Misadventures The PC version of Skyrim supports mods. These are just three of them.
The PC version of Skyrim supports mods. These are just three of them.
"I’m not waiting 27 hours, Trott. I just want to shower with men!"
—Ross of Hat Films during an NSFW playthrough of Rinse and Repeat, a game in which the player must massage a guy in a shower and then wait several days in real time to do it again. Ross is expressing his frustration with this feature.
of Rinse and Repeat, a game in which the player must massage a guy in a shower and then wait several days in real time to do it again. Ross is expressing his frustration with this feature.
"Oh- There's another scout on the other side of the sandwich!"
—Muselk Muselk was playing a Team Fortress 2 map that consisted of several large sandwiches. He was being pursued by a scout, and Muselk hid behind a giant sandwich, causing him to say this line.
"The emus have gained intelligence."
—Muselk All of the players in his server were changed into an emu cosmetic and put into bumper cars.
"Actually, you know what, I think I should stick with the blood panties..."
(She looks awkwardly at the viewers)
—YouTuber AyChristene playing Yandere Simulator, in which clothing choice provides benefits such as making blood trails smaller
playing Yandere Simulator, in which clothing choice provides benefits such as making blood trails smaller
"There's a sleeping grandma in there! Go punch her!"
—Flik, Overwatch - 6 Ana Send Everyone To Bed "Grandma" is the Fan Nickname for the character Ana. Flik, also playing as Ana, just put the opposing Ana to sleep with a tranq dart.
"Grandma" is the Fan Nickname for the character Ana. Flik, also playing as Ana, just put the opposing Ana to sleep with a tranq dart.
"Here I am in a kitten suit, trying to escape a German nightclub..."
—kkcomics/Kyle, "MODDED COPS N ROBBERS! Klüb IcE! (Disco Mod)" The prison has been converted into a nightclub that also acts as a Fisher Kingdom, brainwashing anyone inside into vaguely Eastern-European, Ambiguously Gay disco lovers. Kyle is the only one not affected by this — instead of the disco-style skins everyone else has, he's wearing one that makes it look like he's dressed up as Hello Kitty.
The prison has been converted into a nightclub that also acts as a Fisher Kingdom, brainwashing anyone inside into vaguely Eastern-European, Ambiguously Gay disco lovers. Kyle is the only one not affected by this — instead of the disco-style skins everyone else has, he's wearing one that makes it look like he's dressed up as Hello Kitty.
"That'd be one crap Christmas, then. The season of love, joy and getting killed by aliens."
—Skawo, Mario and Luigi Partners in Time - Part 5 - Cry, Cry Again... Soon after the Shroob invasion begins, the playable characters find themselves in Prince Bowser's castle, which has lights on chains in it resembling Christmas lights. Skawo theorizes that it's Christmas all over the Mushroom Kingdom at the time due to these lights, which would suck for its citizens, considering the Shroobs are playing merry hell with the entirety of the past Mushroom Kingdom.
Soon after the Shroob invasion begins, the playable characters find themselves in Prince Bowser's castle, which has lights on chains in it resembling Christmas lights. Skawo theorizes that it's Christmas all over the Mushroom Kingdom at the time due to these lights, which would suck for its citizens, considering the Shroobs are playing merry hell with the entirety of the past Mushroom Kingdom.
"You can complain to me when you got a tiki torch through your head!"
—Kestin/KestinTheVoice, "OK BOOMER | Granny Simulator" Earlier, Chris threw a tiki torch at Kestin, with the weapon in question still being lodged in the character model afterwards. When Moeka attacks Kestin in revenge for an earlier attack, he responds with this.
Earlier, Chris threw a tiki torch at Kestin, with the weapon in question still being lodged in the character model afterwards. When Moeka attacks Kestin in revenge for an earlier attack, he responds with this.
"I refuse to die of hypothermia while my house burns around me!"
—Slimecicle, "Minecraft, but it's way more traumatizing" The modpack he's using adds a dose of Surprisingly Realistic Outcome to the game, including death by hypothermia in colder climates. He and his friends attempt to remedy this by building a fireplace, but they screw up and their house catches fire.
The modpack he's using adds a dose of Surprisingly Realistic Outcome to the game, including death by hypothermia in colder climates. He and his friends attempt to remedy this by building a fireplace, but they screw up and their house catches fire.
Of course, looking at the shadow, you might question why King Boo is doing the macarena in the sewers, but alas, it's just a realistic sapphire facsimile.
—Skawo, Luigi's Mansion 3 - Part 48 - Key Picking The gems on the Master Suite floor are all in King Boo's likeness. The blue one, which was under a Gooigi grate, was positioned in such a way that the shadow it cast while spinning and floating looked like the actual King Boo dancing, much like the Bowser cut out in the Shadow Alley level.
The gems on the Master Suite floor are all in King Boo's likeness. The blue one, which was under a Gooigi grate, was positioned in such a way that the shadow it cast while spinning and floating looked like the actual King Boo dancing, much like the Bowser cut out in the Shadow Alley level.
My Ass has successfully eliminated all life on Earth. Yeah!
—Jacksepticeye, MY ASS IS GOING VIRAL | Plague Inc. Evolved #1 Plague Inc. is a game where you evolve a disease with the intent to wipe out humanity. Jack named his disease "My Ass"
Plague Inc. is a game where you evolve a disease with the intent to wipe out humanity. Jack named his disease "My Ass"
"I don't have secret cameras yet...does that come when I move into the neighborhood?"
—Noi, "Masked INTRUDER Broke Into My Minecraft Home!" Zane, the titular intruder, reveals that he kept tabs on the others with hidden cameras, which causes Ein to point out that they probably all have hidden cameras around the server at this point and Aphmau to complain about how they all copied her. Noi, who's new to the server, asks this in response.
Zane, the titular intruder, reveals that he kept tabs on the others with hidden cameras, which causes Ein to point out that they probably all have hidden cameras around the server at this point and Aphmau to complain about how they all copied her. Noi, who's new to the server, asks this in response.
"What, the giant testicle is a wand, too?"
—Skawo, Paper Mario: The Origami King - Part 10 - Auction Movie Skawo was trying to haggle with a Monty Mole selling the Green Shell Stone, who had previously advertised it as being able to do a bunch of different things. The Shell Stone also somewhat resembles a testicle due to its markings and shape. When the mole says "let's see if we can make the magic happen" Skawo replies with this; he is also fond of calling magic orbs "(nuclear) testicles," as evidenced by his Wind Waker playthrough
Skawo was trying to haggle with a Monty Mole selling the Green Shell Stone, who had previously advertised it as being able to do a bunch of different things. The Shell Stone also somewhat resembles a testicle due to its markings and shape. When the mole says "let's see if we can make the magic happen" Skawo replies with this; he is also fond of calling magic orbs "(nuclear) testicles," as evidenced by his Wind Waker playthrough
"I'm gonna kill myself on the penis!"
— Shenpai, "Idiots Play Minecraft and Scream" Shenpai created a crude penis sculpture out of dirt and someone surrounded it with berry bushes (which can cause damage to the player if they attempt to walk through them). Later, when Ursa started chasing Shen with a stick enchanted with Knockback, Shen decided that killing herself using the berry bushes was the more appealing option.
Shenpai created a crude penis sculpture out of dirt and someone surrounded it with berry bushes (which can cause damage to the player if they attempt to walk through them). Later, when Ursa started chasing Shen with a stick enchanted with Knockback, Shen decided that killing herself using the berry bushes was the more appealing option.
"[Dream] would then proceed to blow [his hunters] up using a bed."
— EvanMCGaming, "the Legend of Dream – Part 2" In Minecraft, you can sleep in a bed to change from night to day. However, because the Nether has no day/night cycle, the bed would literally explode from the paradox. Dream uses this to his advantage and set the bed up in the Nether as a trap.
" In Minecraft, you can sleep in a bed to change from night to day. However, because the Nether has no day/night cycle, the bed would literally explode from the paradox. Dream uses this to his advantage and set the bed up in the Nether as a trap.
"This is going to sound weird, but you're me! [...] and I let me live!"
—Indeimaus, during his game of Dishonored. He's playing a DLC where he's playing Daud, one of the antagonists and he encounters Corvo, the character he played as in the main game, having specifically noted that he spared Daud as Corvo.
Dishonored. He's playing a DLC where he's playing Daud, one of the antagonists and he encounters Corvo, the character he played as in the main game, having specifically noted that he spared Daud as Corvo.
"mom said it's my turn to be plot relevant"
—The video's description, "Visiting Dream [Dream SMP]" In the video, Technoblade would be on the roleplay-heavy Minecraft server Dream SMP, and would participate in a lore-heavy event by paying a visit to Dream, who was locked up in the prison called "Pandora's Vault". The description itself is a joke in the style of a child telling their older sibling it's their turn to do something.
In the video, Technoblade would be on the roleplay-heavy Minecraft server Dream SMP, and would participate in a lore-heavy event by paying a visit to Dream, who was locked up in the prison called "Pandora's Vault". The description itself is a joke in the style of a child telling their older sibling it's their turn to do something.
"We appear to be under attack by a Spirit Halloween store."
—MaxOfFewTrades, Final Fantasy 7 Remake (Blind) | Part 2: Ruffled Feathers He's talking about the Whispers surrounding Cloud and Aerith.
He's talking about the Whispers surrounding Cloud and Aerith.
"I got the 'Boob LOL' and 'Nice dick' combo and I fucked it up."
—UniqueGeese, POKMON CREEPYPASTA MOD In Friday Night Funkin' Lullaby's final song "Monochrome", you have to type out phrases that pop up or you suffer a One-Hit Kill. BOOB LOL and NICE DICK are among those phrases.
In Friday Night Funkin' Lullaby's final song "Monochrome", you have to type out phrases that pop up or you suffer a One-Hit Kill. BOOB LOL and NICE DICK are among those phrases.
"You know what, this one looks a bit complicated. Just gonna go ahead and destroy the universe. When you give me the ability to do so, I should just destroy the universe when it's convenient."
raocow, Skullmonkeys - 9 - ynt weeds raocow decides to use the Smart Bomb powerup to wipe out a screen of enemies, but refers to doing so as "destroying the universe" because the powerup in question is called "Universe Enema".
raocow decides to use the Smart Bomb powerup to wipe out a screen of enemies, but refers to doing so as "destroying the universe" because the powerup in question is called "Universe Enema".
"Dude! Kill the rats, they have money in them!"
—Jacksepticeye, "Spreading my GOO Everywhere in Luigi's Mansion 3 - Part 2" You can kill most rats either by flashing them or sucking them up and get money from doing so.
" You can kill most rats either by flashing them or sucking them up and get money from doing so.
"Why are there giant fucking... candy-colored chocolate buttons vomiting Zeus's jizz... from a TRAIN?!"
—Tear Of Grace "SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONNES OF PAIN" The third phase of the Phantom Express boss fight involves fighting two "Lollipop Ghouls" who attack by spitting out lightning.
" The third phase of the Phantom Express boss fight involves fighting two "Lollipop Ghouls" who attack by spitting out lightning.
"We can be horny AND have a dog right ne- well- no... That's actually very ba- no- We can be horny elsewhere? But we can love the dog."
—Shenpai, "I'M ABOUT TO SIMP" Shen is playing through Hades, where you play as the incredibly sexy Zagreus, son of Hades, encountering the just as incredibly sexy Greek gods, which makes it very... appealing to a bisexual woman like Shenpai. The dog in question is Cerberus himself who Shen wants to pet as Zagreus forever, stating she could be aroused and have a dog next to her, realizing how wrong that sounds.
" Shen is playing through Hades, where you play as the incredibly sexy Zagreus, son of Hades, encountering the just as incredibly sexy Greek gods, which makes it very... appealing to a bisexual woman like Shenpai. The dog in question is Cerberus himself who Shen wants to pet as Zagreus forever, stating she could be aroused and have a dog next to her, realizing how wrong that sounds.
"Let's hope there's enough pizza to impregnate us both!"
— RJWaters2, "Let's Play Um Jammer Lammy! Multiplayer 1: Rammy Co-Op" In the game's story mode, Lammy is Mistaken for Pregnant after eating too much pizza. Since RJ is playing co-op, he jokes about needing pizza for both Lammy and Rammy.
" In the game's story mode, Lammy is Mistaken for Pregnant after eating too much pizza. Since RJ is playing co-op, he jokes about needing pizza for both Lammy and Rammy.
"The entire region is now under mind control, and we need to find a way to stop it. Unfortunately, it's out of nowhere that we're thrown into a complex sociopolitical network of hierarchal authoritarians, and need to find a method to usurp their tyrannical rule."
(Beat)
"We also have cat ears. And we're twelve."
(Beat)
"We also have cat ears. And we're twelve."
—PointCrow, "The Pokemon game where your friends are sacrificed to cults" He's summarizing what's currently going on in Pokémon Insurgence. In grand Pokémon tradition, his player character is a child, and he bought her a pair of cat ears as part of the game's customization options.
He's summarizing what's currently going on in Pokémon Insurgence. In grand Pokémon tradition, his player character is a child, and he bought her a pair of cat ears as part of the game's customization options.
"You wake up. It's a Monday. Your friends have been taken by furries. God must be killed."
—Failboat, "get in" He's giving a brief summary of the plot of Kirby and the Forgotten Land.
He's giving a brief summary of the plot of Kirby and the Forgotten Land.
"In this version of the Bible, Jesus is instead a pair of lesbians."
— RTGame, "Bugsnax's DLC: A Conspiracy Horror Update, For Kids" He and his stream chat are trying to turn Bugsnax into an allegory for the Bible. RT is suggesting that the Jesus equivalent in this case is Elizabert and Eggabell, a lesbian couple who end up sacrificing themselves to save everyone else from Snaktooth Island.
He and his stream chat are trying to turn Bugsnax into an allegory for the Bible. RT is suggesting that the Jesus equivalent in this case is Elizabert and Eggabell, a lesbian couple who end up sacrificing themselves to save everyone else from Snaktooth Island.
"There's a gas tank attacking the Devil!"
— Call Me Kevin, "Scribblenauts was not meant to be played by this..." The gas tank was created by Doppelganger, who will spawn random items with a lot of adjectives. One such item gets into a fight with the Devil Kevin had created earlier.
The gas tank was created by Doppelganger, who will spawn random items with a lot of adjectives. One such item gets into a fight with the Devil Kevin had created earlier.
"I WAS A WOMAN FOR YOU, CONNOR!"
— Wilbur Soot, SMPLive During the SMPLive charity reunion, Schlatt and Connor started a bar and grill business, and Connor convinced Wilbur to crossdress to work as their waitress.
Literature
"'A hole.' he says flatly. 'You're going to kill Sethrakus Ra with a hole in the ground.' He points to the sections of the jungle where we've hidden Mog artillery. 'You've really stuck on the hole aspect of the plan. I told you. We've got guns, bombs-'
'But for Sethrakus Ra, we've got a hole.'"
—Lorien Legacies Sethrakus Ra is the boss enemy, who has made it so that whenever he gets hurt, their ally Ella also gets hurt in the same way. They are looking for a way to get rid of him without getting her hurt.
"Just then, Neville caused a slight diversion by turning into a large canary."
—Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Neville ate a custard cream with a hex put on it; anyone who eats them turns into a canary.
"Mr Wonka looked first at Grandma Josephine. She was sitting in the middle of the huge bed, bawling her head off. 'Wa! Wa! Wa!', she said. 'Wa! Wa! Wa! Wa! Wa!'"
—Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator Grandma Josephine had just been age-regressed to a baby by one of Wonka's treats.
"It's amazing that no one has yet blamed me for not being more proactive in the battle against the cow."
—Quentin "Q" Jacobsen, Paper Towns
"You're saying that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle?"
—Dwarf King, Guards! Guards! Carrot is a human who has been raised by dwarves (despite being six foot tall), and the Dwarf King is discussing with a human merchant the possibility of Carrot leaving the mine to live among humans instead. However, dwarves do not understand idioms very well, so the man's use of the phrase "Bob's your uncle" prompted the confused reply "Surely Bjorn Strongingthearm is my uncle", and the reference to Carrot being "a duck raised among chickens" further confuses the subterranean-dwelling dwarf.
"Are you Jesus, Fred Durst?"
—David Wong, John Dies at the End
"And then, once I was charged into my clothes, I was a lot calmer than me, so-"
—Generator, Whateley Universe, "Ayla and the Great Shoulder Angel Conspiracy" Jade's mutant power is to project a part of her consciousness into inanimate objects; when in this state, her emotions become muted. This often leads to her projected self talking her regular self out of bad ideas, though it just as often leads to other bad ideas as all her selves are Chaotic Stupid pranksters.
"Colorless green ideas sleep furiously."
—Syntactic Structures The book was giving an example of a sentence that was grammatically correct but didn't actually mean anything.
"Four men were huddled in the furthest corner from the bomb-bunged door. They comprised possibly the most unlikely quartet in literary history, being: a risen-from-the-ranks bunker-boy, whose promotion prospects had never looked bleaker; a visitor from another star, who really wished he wasn't; the Dalai Lama, now unemployed; and a time-travelling Elvis Presley with a sprout in his head.
And they say nothing is new. Bah humbug!"
And they say nothing is new. Bah humbug!"
—Armageddion: The Musical Aliens that use plant-based technology have been treating the Earth as a reality TV show for centuries, but after the global nuclear war in 2000 the ratings had plummeted, so in 2050 TV executive Fergus Shaman succeeds in developing a Brussels sprout that allows someone to travel back in time, and commissions someone to go back to 1958 and try to convince Elvis Presley not to join the military in an attempt to change history, but Elvis takes the sprout and travels back to 2050. On the post-apocalyptic Earth, everyone began donating everything they owned to religious organizations, which has allowed them to control the world's economy, turning Dalai Dan, a young Dalai Lama, into one of the most powerful people on the planet. The book's actual protagonist, Rex Mundi, had just started his job as a reporter for the Dalai Lama's TV station, Buddhavision, before going on a convoluted adventure that resulted in Rex, Fergus, Dan, and Elvis ending up in a bunker, just as the heads of the other two remaining religions, Pope Joan and L. Ron Hubbard the 23rd, start firing missiles at one another. Oh, and the sprout (who can speak and calls itself Barry) had to merge with the back of Elvis's head, otherwise it would run out of energy and die.
Arthur: Did I hear you say the Earth was destroyed five minutes too early?
Slartibartfarst: Shocking cock-up. The mice were furious.
Slartibartfarst: Shocking cock-up. The mice were furious.
—The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1978) Mice turn out to be three-dimensional cross-sections of extra-dimensional beings, who created Earth to serve as an enormous supercomputer calculating the ultimate question to life, the universe, and everything. However, Earth was destroyed five minutes before it had finished calculating the results.
"GET! THAT! BUTTERFLY!"
—Jake, Animorphs #19: The Departure The lead kids can turn into animals, but only for two hours or they'll get stuck as that animal forever. Cassie was trapped as a caterpillar, but her friends discovered that turning into a butterfly counts as morphing, meaning Cassie's got a second chance to change back into a human.
"Stop! Having! Orgasms! When! I’m! Defeating! You!"
—Sooni, cinching the role of Trope Demonstrator for Wrong Genre Savvy in Tales of MU Sooni is a Rich Bitch Spoiled Brat who loves Magical Girl Anime to the point that she thinks she is living in one. This is an Epic Fail for someone who is really in a heavily self-deconstructing Sex Comedy / Melodrama set in the biggest university of a Dungeon Punk world. She somehow decides that she can beat and then befriend the lead character, Mackenzie, who is a not entirely Noble Demon (both figuratively and literally; she's a Half-Human Hybrid whose father is some kind of Incubus, and she struggles to avoid the low expectations everyone has of her, with little success). Sadly for Sooni, she didn't consider what the results of giving a massive beating to a Nigh-Invulnerable masochist would be.
Vista: Do you need help? I didn’t plan on asking, but you have a throat baby now-
Antares: Throat abortion, technically.
Antares: Throat abortion, technically.
—Ward Antares just fought a supervillain who creates parasites that cause foetuses to grow in various parts of people's bodies.
Neith: Tell me. I must know how to hunt Jelly Babies.
Sadie: How many months have I trained you, Walt?
Walt: Seven. Almost eight.
Sadie: And have I ever deemed you worthy of hunting Jelly Babies with me?
Walt: Uh...no.
Sadie: There you have it! Even Walt is not ready for such knowledge. I could draw for you a picture of the dreaded Jelly Baby, or even — gods forbid — the Jacob's Digestive Cream. But that knowledge might destroy a lesser hunter.
Sadie: How many months have I trained you, Walt?
Walt: Seven. Almost eight.
Sadie: And have I ever deemed you worthy of hunting Jelly Babies with me?
Walt: Uh...no.
Sadie: There you have it! Even Walt is not ready for such knowledge. I could draw for you a picture of the dreaded Jelly Baby, or even — gods forbid — the Jacob's Digestive Cream. But that knowledge might destroy a lesser hunter.
—The Kane Chronicles Sadie is trying to distract the hunting goddess, Neith. She knows Neith won't be able to resist more hunting knowledge, so she decides to bluff about being a more experienced hunter, knowing Neith will have never heard of Jelly Babies.
Rose: So you still need a babysitter because you think you can talk to trees. Okay.
Alice: Says the dead girl who wants me to give her a cheeseburger.
—InCryptid "By Any Other Name" Rose is a ghost who can only taste food if it's freely given to her by a living person. Alice, a 17-year-old living girl, has had another ghost for a babysitter since she was a kid, and they're still close friends. Alice had just told Rose about how she believes the woods she spends most of her time in "know her" and wouldn't hurt her. She's less of a Cloudcuckoolander than you'd think.
"This Antichrist—how many nipples has he?"
—Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell, Good Omens Aziraphale is trying to convince Shadwell to kill Adam the Antichrist to stop Armageddon, but Shadwell only kills witches, who he thinks have more than two nipples.
"May the gods help us; it was a Shakespearean sonnet."
—Apollo, The Dark Prophecy Apollo has just heard a foreboding prophecy from Meg McCaffrey after the perilous journey to the Cave of Trophonius (an Oracle whose way of giving prophecies are horrific and will cause madness unless the recipient sits on the Throne of Mnemosyne). Prophecies given in the style of a sonnet are the worst ones, since they foretell numerous moving, usually all bad, events.
"This was how I would die: sitting on the floor of a bookstore, turning into a zombie while holding a talking arrow and singing Neil Diamond's greatest hit."
—Apollo, "The Tyrant's Tomb", He's succumbing to an infectious scratch by a eurynomos that will turn him into a vrykolakai (Greek mythology's zombie) under the service of Tarquin. The talking arrow is an arrow from the Grove of Dodona, a sentient forest, who is trying to get Apollo to hang onto life by (reluctantly) singing with him "Sweet Caroline". The bookstore is run by Ella the harpy and Tyson the Cyclops, who are trying to reconstruct the Sibylline Books, which Tarquin's forces are trying to find, not knowing Ella's actually tattooing the contents onto Tyson's skin.
. The talking arrow is an arrow from the Grove of Dodona, a sentient forest, who is trying to get Apollo to hang onto life by (reluctantly) singing with him "Sweet Caroline". The bookstore is run by Ella the harpy and Tyson the Cyclops, who are trying to reconstruct the Sibylline Books, which Tarquin's forces are trying to find, not knowing Ella's actually tattooing the contents onto Tyson's skin.
"I worship your nipples, from which the milk of life flows."
—Producer, American Gods He's saying this while having sex with Bilquis, an Old Goddess who sustains herself by being a prostitute and giving clients the best sex of their lives while having them worship her, ending with her eating them with her vagina.
"The new neighbors have a baby with yellow stripes, a tanned tail, a green tongue, and white ears, and it keeps running away to the toilet!"
—Serena Rapper, Ricky Rapper Serena's neighbor described her cat, but Serena thought that she was talking about a baby instead, and mixed up some facts.
"Still can’t believe Charlie got himself hit in the face with a cricket bat. That kid does attract misfortune."
—Julio, Solitaire Charlie got punched by his ex-boyfriend and lied to his dad (Julio) about how he got a black eye.
"Having often forgot which was the cat, and which the dog, he was ashamed to ask."
— An Anthropologist on Mars The man described had been blind for most of his life and recently had an operation that allowed him to see, which meant that he didn’t have the ability to recognise people and objects because of having so little experience seeing things.
"I’m Hitler?"
—Protagonist, The Egg After dying, the protagonist meets God and finds out that via reincarnation, he is in fact every human across all of time, prompting this uncomfortable realization.
Music
"If you're ace, demi, pan, flexible,
End of the day we're all CAN-SEXUAL!"
End of the day we're all CAN-SEXUAL!"
—The Stupendium, "Theme of OnlyCans" OnlyCans is a parody of the notorious risque usage of OnlyFans, where instead of attractive women, it's soft drink cans.
" OnlyCans is a parody of the notorious risque usage of OnlyFans, where instead of attractive women, it's soft drink cans.
"At her time of death, the doc said 'Time to eat!'
So we took a bite out of her face meat."
So we took a bite out of her face meat."
—Jack Stauber, "The Ballad of Hamantha" The titular girl has a head made of cured ham.
"I can finally open myself up to love!
(I can finally sew a mouth to a butt!)"
(I can finally sew a mouth to a butt!)"
— Tom Cardy and Montaigne, "Red Flags" The protagonist falls in love with a girl who's overly obsessed with The Human Centipede.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (yes, it also needs its own subsection)
"You're locked inside a prison of your own mind, Susan! Begone, demon bladder! BEGONE!"
—John Oliver He was commenting on the famous Myrbetriq commercial with the anthropomorphic bladder.
"ISIS is a menace, and it is 100% up to you, Peru, to get rid of them. Then, and only then do you have permission to clamber back on a surfboard with a sopping wet alpaca."
—John Oliver He was discussing how the US has made dealing with ISIS their responsibility, and as a joke suggested having Peru deal with it, citing a viral video of a surfing alpaca as proof they have nothing else going on.
"WHO GIVES A SHIT? I don't care about the fruit flies, I only care about the frozen fuck lizards!"
—John Oliver He was upset that five Russian geckos died in space during an experiment to monitor their mating habits in zero gravity.
"Scorpions, what is wrong with you? Stop hiding in bananas in Pittsburg area Wal-Marts, get your shit together, and fight terrorism like snakes and bees!"
—John Oliver He's referring to two incidents, one involving scorpions being found in department stores, and the other about terrorists who were chased out of underground bunkers when they turned out to be infested by snakes and bees.
Nerd³ (yes, it needs its own subsection, too)
"Noticeably absent from this game is Voldemort, the lucky bastard."
"I’m pregnant! And the man stands there and an arse forms around his face."
—Nerd³ When discussing shock absorbers, he mentioned how good for absorbing shock the human bottom is. Somehow, he then decided that it is equally functional for absorbing the metaphorical shock of a girlfriend's sudden pregnancy.
"My eyes are sticking out of my other eyes, but I’m okay with that. And now we will evolve legs."
—Nerd³ The Spore creature creator can produce some odd-looking things. One of Dan's creations had eyestalks protruding from other eyestalks, and he decided that he would invest in giving the creature legs.
"You’re not a half-melted blow-up doll of Sheldon Cooper either! What is happening in this town?"
— Nerd³ In one of the Farm Simulator games, Dan went in to town and tried to stop a car by standing in front of it. He expected, rather reasonably, to see a non-photorealistic low-poly model that vaguely resembled Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory, but instead the model was slightly well-designed. Not much, but slightly.
"Fuck everything! I was killed by a wooden bot who can hover his way up a fucking lamp."
—Nerd³ Dan was having a lot of bad luck playing against bots in Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, and one particularly infuriating moment for him was when he shot an entire magazine at a bot while it was climbing very quickly up a ladder. The bot then turned around and shot him. The bit about the lamp was a slip of the tongue.
"Oh! You have boat! I’m going to put it in your boat! Ow! MY COW!"
—Nerd³ In Grand Theft Auto V, Dan had commandeered a bulldozer, caught a cow in the scoop, killing it in the process, and driven onto the highway when he spotted a passing car with a boat attached to the end. His attempt to give the man a free cow was unsuccessful, and resulted in the cow being knocked away into traffic.
"Is that enough? No. Another layer of cows!"
—Nerd³ One of the defense mechanisms in Rock of Ages is to place down cows that will attempt to push the enemy boulder off the edge of the course. Dan put down a line of cows, decided it was insufficient to stop the boulder, and put another behind it.
"Yes, there are deer sliding around on the mountains of praline."
—Nerd³ While playing Banished, Dan noticed that the deer had no animations, and thus, as they moved, appeared to be ice-skating on the prairie. He then somehow bungled the word prairie, and in each attempt to correct himself, his pronunciation moved closer and closer to "praline".
"I am reentering the atmosphere, and I killed a pig. Man, I am the greatest in the universe."
—Nerd³ Angry Birds Space may give one delusions of grandeur after successfully eliminating the enemy pigs.
"Disregard if you were thinking of a team of synchronized swimming lemmings."
—Nerd³ Dan was asked if, upon the drowning of one synchronized swimmer, the others drowned with them. He replied that they aren't lemmings, and as such are not inherently suicidal. Then he added this.
"I couldn’t figure out how ladders worked and now I’m trapped in some sort of nether plane."
—Nerd³ Battlefield 4 is very buggy. Very buggy. In the single player, in a level taking place in some Chinese city, there's one ladder from a roof down into a plaza that Dan simply could not climb down, no matter how hard he tried; instead, he would fall off and die as he hit the floor. After about 5 attempts, he, instead of being respawned on the roof above the ladder, was teleported across the plaza, behind the Chinese lines, and into a building he wasn't yet supposed to see. It hadn't yet loaded, and he fell through the floor into a pit with white walls with no escape route.
"What does he have on his wall? Oh, it’s wanted posters, I thought it was screaming cheese."
—Nerd³ The sheriff in Westerado has wanted posters on the wall in his office. However, since they are very low-resolution, and are orangey-yellow, they look a bit like cheese with a gaping mouth-like hole.
"Bastards! I set my penis on fire for nothing!"
—Nerd³ In Grand Theft Auto V, while trying to set Non-Player Characters on fire, Dan poured out gasoline from the Jerry Can in the shape of a penis, then shot it, setting the gasoline on fire. No Non-Player Characters were caught in the resulting conflagration, to Dan's dismay.
"It’s being attacked by an aubergine on wheels."
—Nerd³ There's a... thing... in NOBY NOBY BOY that looks like, well, and aubergine on wheels. It once trundled towards Dan aggressively. Yeah, even context doesn't really help here.
"How many times have you seen two sparrows, gathering all their sparrow friends, sitting on a branch, wearing a white gown and having a sparrow wedding?"
—Nerd³ While discussing the fact that many people claim that gay marriage is "unnatural", Dan raised the point that marriage as a concept is almost unheard of in the animal kingdom. This was his example.
"It’s like, ‘If you live near a lake and know someone with black hair, fill in section 24-7,’ and you’re like 'WAUGHAUWA’ and eyes come out of your blood."
—Nerd³ Dan was talking about how confusing tax forms are. He meant to say "blood comes out of your eyes", but got mixed up.
"This isn’t our face spacebase rodeo."
—Nerd³ Dan was building a space station, and a text pop-up came up that said "this isn't our first spacebase rodeo". Dan's not very good at pronunciation.
"What do you think, Demon kitty? ‘I think we should kill them all.’ Demon kitty, this is why you didn’t get elected president."
—Nerd³ In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, before going out to survive a riot, Dan was looking at magazines that were lying on his bed, when he noticed one was an advertisement for an in-game location. He wondered to himself out loud what to do, turned around, and asked the picture of the cat on the wall behind himself. In the editing booth, he turned the picture a red tint and artificially lowered his voice to say "kill them all". Context doesn't help much here.
"Imagine Hitler, and add tits. Then add 50-60 thousand years… and a slightly stronger allegiance to Satan."
—Nerd³ Describing Margaret Thatcher.
"Your own personal bottom. You know, the one you keep in a drawer."
—Nerd³ Dan had just taken a particularly difficult corner in the game F1 2012, and he observed that it had been "a butt-clenching corner". Of course, he meant not clenching somebody else's butt, but clenching his own.
"You may be wondering why I’m showing you two people who appear to be made out of balloons, one of whom has a tired soul."
—Nerd³ The characters in Toribash are comprised of multiple spheres and rectangular prisms in representing various bones and muscle groups of the human body. The spheres happen to look like balloons. The player character only shows a semi-transparent animation of what would happen were the player to advance the game by 10 frames of animation without changing what any muscles are doing. At the start, with no muscles clenched, this transparent animation invariably just falls over.
"Okay, I’ve eaten, ah, Venus."
—Nerd³ In Universe Sandbox, Dan scaled the Earth up to many thousands of times the diameter of the sun, but kept its mass constant so it would not affect the orbits of any other bodies. However, due to Kepler's third law, Venus, whose orbital radius is smaller than that of Earth, moves faster around the sun than the Earth does. Venus just kept getting closer and closer with each orbit, until, one day, it crashed into Australia and was absorbed.
News/Newspaper/Newspaper Comics
"...A Pittsburgh Pirate player used his bat on a passing Italian sausage, who fell and took out a wiener."
—Jeanne Moos, CNN News During the Milwaukee Brewers' Sausage Race, Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon hit a sausage mascot with his bat as they passed the dugout, causing her to fall and another mascot to trip over her.
During the Milwaukee Brewers' Sausage Race, Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon hit a sausage mascot with his bat as they passed the dugout, causing her to fall and another mascot to trip over her.
"Norway goat cheese fire closes tunnel"
"
—BBC News About 27 tonnes of caramelised brown goat cheese caught light as it was being driven through the Brattli Tunnel at Tysfjord, northern Norway.
"And in other news, a jumbo jet narrowly avoided colliding with a math book today..."
—News Reporter, FoxTrot Jason's back-to-school homework was so light, it literally caused his backpack to float into the air and he had to unzip it to fall.
"I AM NOT BACON!"
—Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes Calvin told a sleeping Hobbes that his family would be in trouble if he was "bringing home the bacon". Hobbes then pounced on him, picked him up using his mouth, and put him down.
The trees are really sneezing today.
—Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes Calvin asked his dad what causes wind, and he received a typical response (which he didn't actually believe, but his dad simply said that the truth is more complicated). Later, he says this to Hobbes while walking on a windy day.
Hobbes: [singing] OHHOHH GROHOSS, BEST CLUB IN THE COSMOS..
Calvin: STOP THAT, YOU ANARCHIST!
Calvin: STOP THAT, YOU ANARCHIST!
—Calvin and Hobbes here◊. Calvin and Hobbes are holding a G.R.O.S.S. meeting. Hobbes realizes that they didn't sing the club anthem, and Calvin tells him that they don't sing it until the end of the meeting. Hobbes decides to sing it anyway, and the above quote happens.
◊. Calvin and Hobbes are holding a G.R.O.S.S. meeting. Hobbes realizes that they didn't sing the club anthem, and Calvin tells him that they don't sing it until the end of the meeting. Hobbes decides to sing it anyway, and the above quote happens.
"OH NO! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! A PRODUCE TRUCK!"
—Hobbes, Calvin and Hobbes Calvin is dressed as an onion for a school play, and Hobbes says the quote as a prank.
"I tried hard to select a very concerned-looking bush to hide in."
—Lord Splendid Humility, Phoebe and Her Unicorn He never allows anyone to see his face, and so tries to express his concern through choice of hiding spots.
"Tonight: A Fickle Four-Year-Old Brings the Economy to a Grinding Halt. In a Related Development, a Local Woman Heaves a Sewing Machine Through a Brick Wall."
—Petey Otterloop, Cul-de-sac His younger sister Alice decided to go into detail about the Merchandise-Driven character her Halloween costume is based on, then decided the costume was too itchy and went to ask their mother if she could have a kitty cat costume instead. This was his commentary on these events.
Podcasts
"I wanna tell you a story about the time there were three ogres, right? And then one of ‘em hit me so hard I almost died. You were sitting up in some sort of weird laser just shooting flasks willy-nilly, Travis was ripping the arms off a robot, and I got punched so hard I almost died! I’m not gonna go toe-to-toe with a crab while you’re armed with a terrible Scottish accent, and Travis doesn’t even have his shield! I’m out!"
—Taako/Justin, The Adventure Zone: Balance
"Are you what happens when pregnant women take Ambien?"
—Riley Almanzor, Less is Morgue Said to their very high guest.
"You're the second mortal to perceive me this month and it's kind of weirding me out."
—Evelyn Hooper, Less is Morgue Evelyn is a ghost.
"So that's why I've had random Canadian voices manifesting in my dreams."
—Riley Almanzor, Less is Morgue Their response to Evelyn telling them she's been listening to audiobooks.
Reddit (that's right, another subsection)
They can play Jenga in my dick-hole if they must, but when the alarm clock goes off they've gotta respect the arrangement and get back behind the dresser.
—Batroc_Z_Leaper, this reddit discussion In a discussion about spiders, someone brought up that spiders might sometimes accidentally crawl into people's mouths while they're sleeping. The poster was saying that they didn't care what spiders did while he was asleep so long as he doesn't see them doing it.
In a discussion about spiders, someone brought up that spiders might sometimes accidentally crawl into people's mouths while they're sleeping. The poster was saying that they didn't care what spiders did while he was asleep so long as he doesn't see them doing it.
"Gay Hitler always looked up to his father, George Washington."
—Real life. kind of. Those are their legal names. "Washington" is George Hitler's middle name.
Those are their legal names. "Washington" is George Hitler's middle name.
Finally, we can now get the sequel to Emo kid,edgy Barney,and shadow goat possibly going on a acid trip while playing board games
—BocobipbrookieBrad69, Reddit It was on a post talking about Deltarune shortly before the release of its second chapter. "Emo Kid, edgy Barney, and shadow goat" refers to Kris, Susie, and Ralsei, a stoic teenager, a purple dinosaur-like monster, and a goat-like creature whose face was framed in shadow in the first chapter, respectively. Before the release of the second chapter, it was unclear whether the events of the game really happened, and a common theory was that they were just playing board games.
talking about Deltarune shortly before the release of its second chapter. "Emo Kid, edgy Barney, and shadow goat" refers to Kris, Susie, and Ralsei, a stoic teenager, a purple dinosaur-like monster, and a goat-like creature whose face was framed in shadow in the first chapter, respectively. Before the release of the second chapter, it was unclear whether the events of the game really happened, and a common theory was that they were just playing board games.
My first thought was "THE POPE IS BIGAMIST???"
—u/Doomenor, r/todayilearned The Reddit post is about how Pope Francis himself married together two flight attendants while in the air, with the phrasing coming off as the Pope himself marrying two people on first glance.
The Reddit post is about how Pope Francis himself married together two flight attendants while in the air, with the phrasing coming off as the Pope himself marrying two people on first glance.
Apparently there was a Gatorade cumshot but the teacher just turned that shit off immediately before it got that far.
—u/babyface_killah, this Reddit thread User is responding to a question of the cringiest school presentation they saw. One particularly odd classmate in film class made a parody of Gatorade ads where the drink becomes bodily fluids (sweat) in which the man is jerking off.
User is responding to a question of the cringiest school presentation they saw. One particularly odd classmate in film class made a parody of Gatorade ads where the drink becomes bodily fluids (sweat) in which the man is jerking off.
A sentence I never thought in my life I would end up saying. "What on earth is a ghost gonna do with the cremated ashes of a pop-up ad from the 90s?"
—u/starlightshadows, r/deltarune A Deltarune charity event had recently been hosted, with one of the prizes for donaters being a jar of white sand, which claims to be the remains of Spamton, who is a spam advertisement from the 90s brought to life. The winner of the jar had given their name as Mettaton, after the ghost inhabiting a robotic body from Undertale.
A Deltarune charity event had recently been hosted, with one of the prizes for donaters being a jar of white sand, which claims to be the remains of Spamton, who is a spam advertisement from the 90s brought to life. The winner of the jar had given their name as Mettaton, after the ghost inhabiting a robotic body from Undertale.
no fair how come nosferatu gets free legos
—This Reddit post The post is about an out-of-context picture from a WikiHow article on how to get free LEGO bricks depicting a man dressed as a vampire. The context is that LEGO stores often give away free LEGOs for people in costumes on Halloween.
The post is about an out-of-context picture from a WikiHow article on how to get free LEGO bricks depicting a man dressed as a vampire. The context is that LEGO stores often give away free LEGOs for people in costumes on Halloween.
MM fans explaining how the invisible desk and time nasa evaporated some Harvard students is connected to the George Washington snake made of trees
—u/incopitent-axalotl, r/THEMONUMENTMYTHOS The "invisible desk and time nasa avaporated some Harvard students" is part of the The Trinity Desk Project, made by the same creator of THE MONUMENT MYTHOS with extremely similar concepts and themes. Thus Epileptic Trees abound about how the two could be possibly connected. The "George Washington snake" is the Horned Serpent, a serpentine Eldritch Abomination that once was George Washington himself, twisted into a monster by interdimensional trees.
The "invisible desk and time nasa avaporated some Harvard students" is part of the The Trinity Desk Project, made by the same creator of THE MONUMENT MYTHOS with extremely similar concepts and themes. Thus Epileptic Trees abound about how the two could be possibly connected. The "George Washington snake" is the Horned Serpent, a serpentine Eldritch Abomination that once was George Washington himself, twisted into a monster by interdimensional trees.
Walk into a job at Chinese restaurant, the cook is sitting on the toilet, taking a dump, in full view of the world, whilst shelling peas.
—u/Jnr_Guru, r/AskReddit An answer to the question of the worst health code violation seen in a restaurant.
An answer to the question of the worst health code violation seen in a restaurant.
So this kid is high as fuck, and all of a sudden Darth Vader comes to take him away.
—u/CoffeeCup101, r/AskReddit This user is recalling an incident from his school where a kid showed up high on Halloween, prompting the administrator, dressed in a Darth Vader costume, to take him away.
This user is recalling an incident from his school where a kid showed up high on Halloween, prompting the administrator, dressed in a Darth Vader costume, to take him away.
Stunt cock!
—u/foxxoon, r/MovieDetails During the filming of a very NSFW scene in Antichrist, Willem Dafoe needed a double for his penis, as director Lars von Trier found it "too big" and it would have confused audiences. When reported in the subreddit, this was one of the inevitable jokes.
During the filming of a very NSFW scene in Antichrist, Willem Dafoe needed a double for his penis, as director Lars von Trier found it "too big" and it would have confused audiences. When reported in the subreddit, this was one of the inevitable jokes.
Older fishies be like- In our days we used to swim for days. You n your dang tubes. I don't believe in em. Makes the kids LAZY!! I tell you.
—u/benimaru1, r/interestingasfuck This joke is in response to a video of Whooshh Innovations's "Salmon Cannon" that (safely) transports migrating salmon through pressurized tubes over dams to they can reach their spawning grounds.
This joke is in response to a video of Whooshh Innovations's "Salmon Cannon" that (safely) transports migrating salmon through pressurized tubes over dams to they can reach their spawning grounds.
u/Luihuparta: Diomedes: "Get back here, Ares, you coward! I'll make you fart my dick!"
u/WanaxAndreas: I hope you dont kink shame diomedes with this comment or else he will also make you fart on his dick ,so beware
u/WanaxAndreas: I hope you dont kink shame diomedes with this comment or else he will also make you fart on his dick ,so beware
—A thread on r/europe where it was explained that in Greek there is a vulgar insult which literally translates as "you will fart (on) my dick" with the connotation that the speaker threatens to screw the other person so deep, they will fart on... well, you get it. u/Luihuparta then related it to the incident in Book V of The Iliad in which the Greek hero Diomedes humiliated Ares in battle.
where it was explained that in Greek there is a vulgar insult which literally translates as "you will fart (on) my dick" with the connotation that the speaker threatens to screw the other person so deep, they will fart on... well, you get it. u/Luihuparta then related it to the incident in Book V of The Iliad in which the Greek hero Diomedes humiliated Ares in battle.
If there were clowns in the caves under his mansion, Gotham would be a much weirder place.
—u/Poemi, r/Showerthoughts A response to the idea that if Bruce Wayne had a childhood fear of clowns, he would have become the Joker, as his childhood fear of bats inspired him to become Batman. The logical conclusion would then turn the Batcave into a Clowncave, where hundreds of clowns would be huddling around in a subterranean cave.
A response to the idea that if Bruce Wayne had a childhood fear of clowns, he would have become the Joker, as his childhood fear of bats inspired him to become Batman. The logical conclusion would then turn the Batcave into a Clowncave, where hundreds of clowns would be huddling around in a subterranean cave.
The visual combination of Hulk feeding someone with his body and a giant floating tit in the background feels intentional.
—u/BrockManstrong, r/outofcontextcomics A response to a comment under an out of context comic panel of Hulk feeding a vampire some of his blood while sporting a weirdly-drawn face and the overhanging light bearing an unfortunate resemblance to a bare breast. The supposed "intentional" part is speculated by u/BrockManstrong to be a reference to the Virgin Mary breastfeeding Jesus.
A response to a comment under an out of context comic panel of Hulk feeding a vampire some of his blood while sporting a weirdly-drawn face and the overhanging light bearing an unfortunate resemblance to a bare breast. The supposed "intentional" part is speculated by u/BrockManstrong to be a reference to the Virgin Mary breastfeeding Jesus.
Wait, wouldn't she just get sperm powers?
—u/JohnSequitur, r/todayilearned A response to the infamous reveal in Spider-Man: Reign that Mary Jane died from cancer due to the radioactive spider bite causing Peter's jizz to become radioactive in turn, which he repeatedly exposed her to with lovemaking. Since the spider bite somehow gave Peter spider powers instead of giving him cancer, this is a somewhat reasonable, if gross, question.
A response to the infamous reveal in Spider-Man: Reign that Mary Jane died from cancer due to the radioactive spider bite causing Peter's jizz to become radioactive in turn, which he repeatedly exposed her to with lovemaking. Since the spider bite somehow gave Peter spider powers instead of giving him cancer, this is a somewhat reasonable, if gross, question.
The tiger fucking the rhino while the disembodied head of Einstein watches is the least egregious.
—u/Johnny_Grubbonic, r/TIHI This is in response to a picture of the packaging of a pill called Intellifuck that supposedly increases intelligence and sexual performance.
This is in response to a picture of the packaging of a pill called Intellifuck that supposedly increases intelligence and sexual performance.
The image hadn't loaded and I thought honestly how bad could this be, and then the internet kicked back on and I was not expecting a tibetan monk's mummified penis to be in a hotdog bun.
—u/JPBlaze1301, r/mildlyinfuriating A response to a hot dog served in a cafeteria that is incredibly shriveled and doesn't look like anything remotely edible.
A response to a hot dog served in a cafeteria that is incredibly shriveled and doesn't look like anything remotely edible.
What happened to that pickle, and why is that guy molesting it?
—u/Vegetable_Sandwich49, r/StupidFood A response to a video where a guy tries to test his spice limit by hollowing out a giant pickle that he did something to to make it red and spicy with various spicy foods and eating it while making squelching noises with his mouth.
A response to a video where a guy tries to test his spice limit by hollowing out a giant pickle that he did something to to make it red and spicy with various spicy foods and eating it while making squelching noises with his mouth.
To give the gang a slight advantage, We'll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise.
—u/tremulo, r/whowouldwin They're trying to figure out the outcome of the hypothetical scenario "Is there literally any way The Gang from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul?" As part of the scenario, Dee and Dennis decide to booby-trap Paddy's Pub, reasoning that if Kevin from Home Alone could take down two burglars with traps, they can do the same to a Sith Lord.
They're trying to figure out the outcome of the hypothetical scenario "Is there literally any way The Gang from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul?" As part of the scenario, Dee and Dennis decide to booby-trap Paddy's Pub, reasoning that if Kevin from Home Alone could take down two burglars with traps, they can do the same to a Sith Lord.
Is there a lore reason why you were looking so intently at a chimpanzee’s ass.
—u/Poopsenberg, r/BatmanArkham A user asked for a shitpost why the models for the chimpanzees on Stagg Airship were given visible buttholes. Someone then asked why the poster was looking so closely at a chimpanzee's behind to notice.
A user asked for a shitpost why the models for the chimpanzees on Stagg Airship were given visible buttholes. Someone then asked why the poster was looking so closely at a chimpanzee's behind to notice.
He only gives you orgasms if you're not poor?
—u/-scrudge-, r/BatmanArkham This person had posted a joke question asking Superman knows what Batman sounds like when he ejaculates, since Batman and Talia are implied to have had sex in Metropolis. Someone then pointed out with Superman's hearing, he can hear everybody in the world orgasm, comparing it to Santa Claus's ability to know what someone has done. The original poster then quipped that Superman must only give orgasms to people in developed first-world countries like Santa.
This person had posted a joke question asking Superman knows what Batman sounds like when he ejaculates, since Batman and Talia are implied to have had sex in Metropolis. Someone then pointed out with Superman's hearing, he can hear everybody in the world orgasm, comparing it to Santa Claus's ability to know what someone has done. The original poster then quipped that Superman must only give orgasms to people in developed first-world countries like Santa.
Don't forget the scene where Goku stole the Infinity Gauntlet from Ariana Grande. Truly a piece of art
—FW_TheMemeResearcher, r/ShittyMovieDetails The post is making the joke that their word that Jonesy from Fortnite makes an appearance in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny cannot be unverified because nobody cared to see the movie. This post is a continuation of the joke, inserting an increasing number of absurd events and characters.
The post is making the joke that their word that Jonesy from Fortnite makes an appearance in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny cannot be unverified because nobody cared to see the movie. This post is a continuation of the joke, inserting an increasing number of absurd events and characters.
The piss is often just harvested from sewers of preschools, so it isn't even virgin boy piss, just piss and maybe shit.
—u/Re0ns, r/TIHI They're talking about virgin boy eggs, a traditional Chinese dish where eggs are boiled in the urine of little boys.
They're talking about virgin boy eggs, a traditional Chinese dish where eggs are boiled in the urine of little boys.
Apparently shit dildoing is the cure??
—u/lessonsfromgmork, r/BatmanArkham (NSFW) This is in response to a Twitter post asking if anyone sucks their half-ejected poop back into their butt to simulate sex with Dream. r/BatmanArkham has become notorious for having become as insane as the titular asylum, and even they were appalled by this, saying it shocked them back to sanity.
This is in response to a Twitter post asking if anyone sucks their half-ejected poop back into their butt to simulate sex with Dream. r/BatmanArkham has become notorious for having become as insane as the titular asylum, and even they were appalled by this, saying it shocked them back to sanity.
Viv why is the Jesus apostle and former pope/now guard of the pearly gates not a furry? :(
— u/Emperifox, u/HazbinHotel In the Hazbin Hotel episode "Welcome to Heaven", Saint Peter makes an appearance and looks very normal by the standards of the other supernatural characters, including the other virtuous souls in Heaven. As Vivienne Medrano likes designing her chracters with animalistic features, with Peter being an outlier, a user asked why he looks so plain.
In the Hazbin Hotel episode "Welcome to Heaven", Saint Peter makes an appearance and looks very normal by the standards of the other supernatural characters, including the other virtuous souls in Heaven. As Vivienne Medrano likes designing her chracters with animalistic features, with Peter being an outlier, a user asked why he looks so plain.
He was performing surgery in the swamps of Dagobah, except the swamps had just come out of this woman's ass and there was no Yoda.
—u/banzaipanda, this r/AskReddit comment (NSFW) They're describing when their medical team operated on a woman who got a "perirectal abscess" (a cavity of pus near the butt) from injecting IV drugs through her rectum. They thought it wasn't too bad until the surgeon actually cut it open, revealing the abscess was huge, and large volumes of high-pressure pus, poop, and rotting tissue sprayed out onto the floor. This user, a nurse, compares the ensuing change in scenery with the swamp of Dagobah.
They're describing when their medical team operated on a woman who got a "perirectal abscess" (a cavity of pus near the butt) from injecting IV drugs through her rectum. They thought it wasn't too bad until the surgeon actually cut it open, revealing the abscess was huge, and large volumes of high-pressure pus, poop, and rotting tissue sprayed out onto the floor. This user, a nurse, compares the ensuing change in scenery with the swamp of Dagobah.
Stand-Up Comedy
"As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off!"
"Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don't fall asleep, I will tip you over."
—Mitch Hedberg, He said this to someone that was wearing a leather jacket while eating a burger and drinking a glass of milk.
Theme Parks
"Yeah, and maybe sometime in the new century, your father will learn how to talk to our oven."
—Sarah, Carousel of Progress The father burned the Christmas turkey by talking about the grandmother's score in a video game while the voice-controlled oven was in earshot.
"Don't let him eat my hair, Jimmy!"
—Carl Wheezer, Jimmy Neutron's Nicktoon Blast Cosmo, mishearing something Carl said, turns the latter's hair into bacon, which Ooblar immediately wants to eat.
Tumblr (yes, yet another website gets its own section)
Just found out I somehow I became immortalized by becoming a troll... Hussie... to say I’m honored is an understatement.
—Dante Basco, this Tumblr post Hussie had designed a recently introduced troll character in Homestuck in Dante's image.
Hussie had designed a recently introduced troll character in Homestuck in Dante's image.
"Everyone...grab your slap bracelets. We're invading the moon today."
—imonlyhereforthefanfic in response to a scene from the DuckTales (2017) episode "The Golden Spear!", where resident Big Bad With Good Publicity Lunaris reacts in pain to Penumbra violently slapping his wrist with one of Della's slap bracelets.
in response to a scene from the DuckTales (2017) episode "The Golden Spear!", where resident Big Bad With Good Publicity Lunaris reacts in pain to Penumbra violently slapping his wrist with one of Della's slap bracelets.
"there's a difference between raising and selling chickens for food and the mafia storming your farm and shooting the birds"
—Skarchomp summarizing the difference between Slowpoke tails being made into curry ingredients in Pokémon Sword and Shield and the black market Slowpoke tail scheme Team Rocket was running in Pokémon Gold and Silver.
summarizing the difference between Slowpoke tails being made into curry ingredients in Pokémon Sword and Shield and the black market Slowpoke tail scheme Team Rocket was running in Pokémon Gold and Silver.
"Also I can't go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I"
—hokuto-ju-no-ken, this Tumblr thread There's an argument going on regarding how the average furry artist gets paid more than the average doctor and which one performs a more valuable service. The poster in question noted that a furry artist managed to figure out they had Crohn's before any doctor did and followed up with this quote.
Tumblr thread There's an argument going on regarding how the average furry artist gets paid more than the average doctor and which one performs a more valuable service. The poster in question noted that a furry artist managed to figure out they had Crohn's before any doctor did and followed up with this quote.
I don’t fucking care if it’s manipulative, if your gf larps as an elf while talking to your relative who’s undergoing chemo, you’re allowed to humiliate her in front of her friends by larping as Naruto.
—hatingongodot, in reference to a since-deleted Reddit post detailing the user's argument with his girlfriend over her LARPing at inappropriate moments and his (by his own admission) petty retaliation for it. Note that the quoted post, if you can see it, doesn't explain any of this.
a since-deleted Reddit post detailing the user's argument with his girlfriend over her LARPing at inappropriate moments and his (by his own admission) petty retaliation for it. Note that the quoted post, if you can see it, doesn't explain any of this.
ive been informed that the initiating event for this franchise's first series of books is the main character not wanting to lose his nuts
—cungadero, referencing how, in Warriors Cats, part of the reason Rusty (eventually Firestar) decides to join Thunderclan is to avoid getting neutered.
how, in Warriors Cats, part of the reason Rusty (eventually Firestar) decides to join Thunderclan is to avoid getting neutered.
Looks like its time for derogatory pepperoni again
—emptyheadgamer, this Tumblr thread The topic of discussion is how certain words can be slurs or not depending on context. To prove the original poster's point, emptyheadgamer posted a couple panels from a Marvel comic in which a character points out that any word can be deragatory "if you say it with enough derogatory", using "pepperoni" as an example.
Tumblr thread The topic of discussion is how certain words can be slurs or not depending on context. To prove the original poster's point, emptyheadgamer posted a couple panels from a Marvel comic in which a character points out that any word can be deragatory "if you say it with enough derogatory", using "pepperoni" as an example.
I threw a mouse at a god and the mouse won.
— logo-comics, here, paraphrasing a scene from Pokémon: The Series. The thread started with someone posting a screenshot of Ash telling Nurse Joy that Pikachu came back from a fight with Ho-oh. A user who was unfamiliar with Pokémon asked others to explain what that means. Other users chimed in to explain that Ho-oh is basically a deity and that Pikachu is a common animal, and since the common animal hadn't fainted, this implies that the divine being lost the fight.
paraphrasing a scene from Pokémon: The Series. The thread started with someone posting a screenshot of Ash telling Nurse Joy that Pikachu came back from a fight with Ho-oh. A user who was unfamiliar with Pokémon asked others to explain what that means. Other users chimed in to explain that Ho-oh is basically a deity and that Pikachu is a common animal, and since the common animal hadn't fainted, this implies that the divine being lost the fight.
TV Tropes (yes, we need our own subsection)
"The book mentions Toto from The Wizard of Oz as Dorothy's Lover."
—Literature.Forty Five Master Characters Lover is an archetype in the book, representing Dorothy's secure base rather than, well, a lover.
"Being voiced by a tuba, he has the deepest voice of all the characters."
—Characters.Dont Starve Playable Characters In Don't Starve, characters don't actually speak. The things they say appear above their heads, while an instrument "speaks" out loud for them. Wolfgang's instrument that plays when he talks is a tuba. May also apply to Big Band from Skullgirls.
"Placing down any ingredient results in a 'thwack' sound. This can get very absurd if the player has managed to get very good at a given minigame, such as binding Q, W, E and R to the four initial ingredients of lasagna."
—VideoGame.Cook Serve Delicious In Cook, Serve, Delicious, foods are made by pressing the keys they're set to. Naturally, lasagna is layered, usually with the same few starting layers, meaning people can just set their keys so that making lasagna is a cinch.
"But the wedding was legitimate enough to bring about the apocalypse. Doesn't that count for anything?"
—Headscratchers.Super Paper Mario In Super Paper Mario, by forcing Bowser and Peach into a marriage, the Chaos Heart, which can destroy the world, was created. The Headscratcher in question was questioning the legitimacy of the wedding.
...it was heartily criticized in the West for its anti-Semitic and anti-American themes, as well as for ripping off Mickey Mouse.
—YMMV.Tomorrows Pioneers Tomorrow's Pioneers is a kids' programme/Propaganda Piece produced by Hamas with one of its characters being a Mocky Mouse called Parfour.
"...You could still have him use the ability, in which he valiantly executes himself for cowardice on the field in order to inspire himself to fight harder."
—GoodBadBugs.Real Time Strategy. The bug in question is from Dawn of War II, where a character can execute one of their own unit to make the rest escape suppression. At one point in development, they could still do it even if they were the only person in the unit.
"The Natural One-ders saved the day by being mad arsonists."
—Funny.TFS At The Table Part of the TFS campaign involved the PCs landing on an island that a monster that had placed under a druidic curse, which included cursing all its inhabitants. The only way to break the curse and restore the residents to normal was to defeat the monster with fire, its natural weakness. The PCs, however, didn't know this and had simply opted to Kill It with Fire, achieving the Golden Ending by complete accident.
"A giant belief beam blasts the Big Bad into the sun."
—WhatAnIdiot.My Brave Pony Starfleet Magic The residents of soon-to-be United Equestria harnessed the power of believing to defeat Titan for the second time. This was all made possible because Titan resorted to Evil Gloating rather than killing the heroes, enabling them to find both of their rulers so they can become an all-powerful god and inspire them to believe.
"Doesn't stop fans from letting their imaginations fly as to why the guy with the bionic arm would take a dump on Pool's lawn."
—YMMV.Marvel Vs Capcom 3 Thanks to a Good Bad Bug, Deadpool's winquote for defeating Spencer is to accuse him for defecating on his lawn. The quote is presumably meant for Amaterasu, a wolf.
"...Eiichiro Oda is the pope or something..."
—Akira Toriyama Part of a long note examining the statement that "you could call [Toriyama] the God of Shonen manga." The note places Toriyama and two other mangaka (manga writer/artists) into a parallel of the Holy Trinity, and continues the metaphor by making Eiichiro Oda "the pope or something."
"Lots of people vent their frustrations onto things like stuffed toys or plants. Most people, however, don't have to worry about them becoming sentient and acting on those vented feelings because of their magical saliva."
—Recap.Steven Universe Future S 1 E 10 Prickly Pair The episode is about Steven venting his problems to a cactus plant that became sentient due to his healing spit, only for said cactus to go on a rampage while repeating what was said.
"...resulting in once-humorous moments like a killer french fry costume defeated with weaponized stripping becoming incredibly tragic."
—The Woobie.Steven Universe When a Gem's gemstone is shattered, their mind and consciousness splits into pieces and they're unable to regenerate their body, and at the time there was no known way to repair a shattered gem, making them stuck this way forever. In an early episode, Steven uses a gem shard to power the french fry mascot of Beach Citywalk Fries so Peedee won't have to do it, but it takes "Make people eat fries" literally and starts force-feeding people with fries. Steven eventually defeats it with his own clothes powered by the shards of the same gem.
"Why recreate Hitler, of all people? Why recreate Hitler twice?"
—YMMV.Superman At Earths End The main villains of the comic were twin clones of Hitler, logic be damned.
"Who knew that the killer robot dog would be bilingual?"
—Funny.Five Nights At Freddys Fazbear Frights It's talking about how in the story Fetch, the titular animatronic being able to flawlessly translate a sentence into Spanish.
"The Devil calls God a 'son of a bitch' and punches him in the face."
—Funny.Lucifer 2016 In the episode "Lucifer (2016) S02E16 "God Johnson"", the series' main character, Lucifer Morningstar, thinks that the titular God Johnson might actually be the true God and not just an insane man claiming to be him. Once he witness the man heal a dying woman by simply touching him, Lucifer starts to believe in this theory, and vents out the years of frustration by doing exactly what the quote describes.
"...so it's entirely possible to accidentally cause the apocalypse when trying to determine whether or not you're pregnant."
—Horrible.Tabletop Games The game in question is F.A.T.A.L., which has among its 'miscast' spells one that kills everything in the world, meaning that you can accidentally end the world while trying to cast an entirely different spell, such as one to figure out if you are pregnant.
"His eagerness to kill himself makes whatever money you wasted on him worth it."
—Funny.The Binding Of Isaac The beggar running the Shell Game in the arcade room is a massive Jerkass, and one of the things he can "reward" you with is a Troll Bomb… which can blow him to smithereens.
"…allows you to potentially sell your soul for the Bible.
—Funny.The Binding Of Isaac One of the many, many items in The Binding of Isaac is Rosary, which, among other things, adds the Bible to every item pool… which includes the Devil Deal rooms.
"...in the grim darkness of the future Space Marines use recon roombas."
—Funny.Ciaphas Cain The Reclaimers Space Marine chapter uses small servitors to map out a space hulk. They operate by moving until they hit an obstacle, then turn ten degrees to the left until there's no obstruction. Not unlike a Roomba.
"...Peter drunkenly [had] a one night stand with a tenrec…
—WMG.Sonic The Hedgehog IDW Part of a statement saying that it would be in-character for Peter to perform the above act. The full statement is part of a WMG suggesting that Peter is related to Surge the Tenrec. (which is another can of worms itself.)
"I somehow imagine sex toys in this universe as being hilariously perverted but also surprisingly friendly."
—Fridge.Toy Story Since toys are sapient beings in the Toy Story universe, this was the answer to the question: What must it be like to be a sex toy, a sentient entity whose only purpose is to be used for kinky sexual activity?
"However, the tale of how he came to be is a heartwarming story of forbidden love between a Silent boy and an Angel girl. Think like Romeo and Juliet, except with aliens and less death at the end. Well, less death of the protagonists."
—WMG.The Slender Man Mythos This joke is in response to a WMG that Slender Man is the unholy lovechild of a Weeping Angel and a Silent.
"Brick to the head, you would think the giant vagina asteroid would give it away."
—Headscratchers.The Boys The answer to the question if Supe Tek-Knight actually sacrificed himself by destroying/having sex with an asteroid with a vagina in space or if it was a Dying Dream brought on by head trauma.
First cats and rabbits was accepted, then dogs where allowed to love anyone they wanted. Soon after, paper, balloons, dinosaurs, donuts, goldfish, fish, brick walls, etc.
—WMG.The Amazing World Of Gumball The entry is speculating that The Amazing World of Gumball takes place in the same universe as There she is!! due to the presence of a couple consisting of a cat and a rabbit in both. Gumball, however, also features various sentient objects along with animals.
"Onceler Morro in general is a meme unto itself."
—YMMV.Ninjago Under Ninjago's YMMV page's Memetic Mutation entry, it's listed how occasionally the show's Tumblr will create a completely bizarre concept to boost the show's tag. One concept that took off is Morro, the Big Bad of Season 5, being merged with the memetically popular version of the Onceler from The Lorax (2012).
"Why does Max Zeus eat his own feces?"
—Headscratchers.Arkham Asylum A Serious House On Serious Earth A question regarding a scene in Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth where Maxie Zeus, a lesser-known Batman rogue whose evil quirk is that he thinks he's the Zeus, is going on a deluded rant about his godhood. Part of this is planning to use his collected poop in a bucket to fertilize Africa, which poster mistook as him having a taste for his own fecal matter.
"Clearly, photosynthesis makes you evil!"
—Headscratchers.Super Mario Bros One troper asked why Piranha Plants are portrayed as Always Chaotic Evil when other classic enemy species are shown to have good members. Someone responded that they're sentient and have a beef with the Toads, who are fungi people. Cue this joke about photosynthesis making a sapient being a villain.
"Any time the player bag fucks or ball fucks a newly acquired item. Especially for drugs and hugeballs.
—Funny.Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal A lampooning of the atrocious Translation Train Wreck where "(player) put the Potion into the bag" and "(player) put the Poke Ball in the Ball Pocket" somehow becomes "(player)!DRUG BAG FUCK" and "(player)!HUGEBALL BALL FUCK" respectively.
"So the Compensating for Something villain was taken down by a transgender hooker turned super-heroine after she contracted superpowers in a manner akin to an STD."
—YMMV.Doom Patrol The villain is Codpiece, a supervillain whose whole shtick is that he has a mechanical device attached to his groin because he's insecure about his dick size. The heroine is Coagula, who got the power to transform states of matter after sleeping with a being named Rebis. This was part of a What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made On Drugs entry (Doom Patrol is very weird, to say the least) where it was stated that Coagula stopped Codpiece's bank robbery by using her powers on his weaponized codpiece.
. This was part of a What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made On Drugs entry (Doom Patrol is very weird, to say the least) where it was stated that Coagula stopped Codpiece's bank robbery by using her powers on his weaponized codpiece.
"I've always wondered why it is that Batman gets more and more deformed as the series goes on."
—Headscratchers.Batman The Dark Knight Returns Troper is asking why the anatomy and proportions of Batman in Batman: The Dark Knight Returns is wildly varied, even taking into account the comic's stylized art, as everybody else has mostly consistent anatomy.
"He'd much rather kill someone with a playing card, or a shuriken, or his own poop."
—Main.Doesnt Like Guns This is part of an entry about Bullseye of Daredevil fame, who has the ability to turn anything into a killing projectile, thus making guns redundant and "boring".
"It would be rather difficult to launch giant yogurt cups into space for aerodynamic reasons alone."
—Love, Death & Robots: "When the Yogurt Took Over" This short involves yogurt accidently being given sentience. They eventually become intelligent enough to build spaceships which are shaped like yogurt cups.
"Actually, Caligula was the first Brony."
—WMG.Poison Oak Epileptic Trees A response to the out-there idea that Topher from Dollhouse is responsible for brony culture by pointing out that Caligula was idolizing equines and treating them like people (Incitatus, for those wondering) way before him.
) way before him.
"A rock captain would be stranger than a monkey being captain, or whatever tossed the rock takes the title."
—WMG.Pirates Of The Caribbean This is part of a discussion of a WMG speculating what if something nonhuman destroyed Davy Jones's heart and is thus forced to be captain of The Flying Dutchman.
"You're basically teaching your Pokémon to abort itself."
—Fridge.Pokemon Generation V Families The poster is pointing out Fridge Horror regarding how the Solosis line — which is partly based on developing embryos — can be taught Explosion via TM.
"The final move she learns deals heavy damage based on her remaining health, but immediately toasts her."
Video Games
"Don't mind the teeth. No really, let him hold the spatula!"
—Elias, Animal Cove He's trying to help an alligator fulfill its dream of being a chef.
"I grow tired of hearing about the world!"
— Asura, Asura's Wrath Once he's finally at Asura's mercy, Kalrow makes a bad attempt to plead for his life by justifying the atrocities the Seven Deities are committing, including using Mithra (Asura's daughter) as a power source, are for the good of the world. Asura, having already heard that excuse so many times, isn't having any of it and crushes Kalrow to death.
"How do I break it to them that their daughter was swallowed by my spaceship?"
—Shay, Broken Age His spaceship is disguised as an Eldritch Abomination. He just found a lost child flier with a picture of a girl that stumbled into the "mouth".
"Oh, great. I'm stuck in colonial times, tentacles are taking over the world, and now the toilet's backing up."
—Hoagie, Day of the Tentacle A creature known as a "tentacle" which resembles a disembodied tentacle, is going for world domination. A mad scientist put Hoagie in a time machine made from a modified port-a-potty to send him back to yesterday to stop the conquest before it starts, but something went wrong and he ended up in 1792 instead. Then the time machine's toilet started overflowing.
"Jebus, things used to be so simple. Find the monster and smite it. Now I gotta show plumbers how to do their jobs just to get anywhere."
—Beethro, Deadly Rooms of Death Beethro is an exterminator who kills monsters in dungeons. A repairwoman just told him that a hydrolic door is stuck closed, and she can't fix it until she knows exactly where the break in the pipes is.
"Beat him up to earn his life savings!"
—The CHECK description for Jigsaw Joe, Deltarune If you decide to fight Jigsaw Joe in Chapter 2, the reward will be "Joe's Life Savings", which amounts to one Dark Dollar. Your job is to defeat him.
"He hit me in the face with a tornado..."
—Noelle Holiday, Deltarune At one point in the game, Noelle has to fight Berdly, who uses a Tornado Move as an attack.
"Yes!! Don't worry, Noelle!! I'm stupid now!!"
—Berdly, Deltarune Berdly's entire character arc revolves around the fact he only pretends to be the smartest student in school, and that he's actually somewhat stupid and only got as far as he did thanks to Noelle. When Berdly pulls a Heel–Face Turn, Susie and Lancer tell him to Be Yourself, which Berdly interprets as being an idiot who, in his own words, "fights for the side of ignorance".
"YOU THINK MAKING [Frozen Chicken] WITH YOUR [Side Chick] IS GONNA LET YOU DRINK UP THAT [Sweet, Sweet] [Freedom Sauce]?"
—Spamton NEO, Deltarune This dialogue plays out during the "Weird Route", where you emotionally abuse Noelle and drive her into freezing enemies to death, one of those enemies being Berdly. Spamton's comment about Noell being a "side chick" refers to the fact you have to treat Kris and Noelle like romantic partners in order to get this ending. "Freedom sauce" refers to the fact that both Spamton and Kris are being controlled by an entity stronger than them (The player for Kris, someone unknown for Spamton), and both want to escape them and become free.
"Mmm... Your love is delicious... Hee hee!"
—Nah, Fire Emblem: Awakening. She traveled from an apocalyptic future to the present, incredibly malnourished. The Avatar cooks real food for her. As the relationship develops, he eventually says it is made with his love for her.
"I WANT TO BE MANHANDLED!"
—Inigo, Fire Emblem: Awakening. He's talking to Gerome, who was supposed to be serving as his wingman for picking up women. The girls instead all flocked to Gerome, and he, annoyed, describes himself as being "manhandled", leading to Inigo's response.
"I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flapjaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on hari-kari rock. I need scissors. 61!"
—Colonel Campbell, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty The Colonel turns out to be a malfunctioning artificial intelligence.
"So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO."
—GLaDOS, Portal 2. Thanks to further Unwilling Roboticisation, GLaDOS now consists of an eye, a circuit board, and a potato battery.
"I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days."
—Soldier, Expiration Date The Engineer was putting bread in the teleporters he invented to show that they gave deadly tumors. During this he told the Soldier, who's a huge ditz, that he could teleport as much bread as he wanted, thinking tumors in bread were harmless. Later the Engineer discovered that only bread gets tumors from teleportation, which would cause it to mutate into vicious bread critters. Unfortunately the Soldier had been teleporting his loaf of bread for three days, thus it had mutated into an enormous monster.
"Fixed a bug where players could be teleported to hell and not have visible bumper car."
—November 7, 2014 update to Team Fortress 2 The map Helltower teleports everyone to a sublevel called "Hell" where the two teams face off with no respawning. Another map, Carnival of Carnage, has minigames where everyone fights in bumper cars. Modders started combining the two maps, resulting in glitches where not every player would have a bumper car when transported in Helltower.
"Am I really being betrayed by evil jewelry?!"
—Cia, Hyrule Warriors Cia's lieutenant of her army, Wizzro, an amalgamation of evil spirits bound to a cursed ring, has just voiced his intentions to take charge. This is Cia's response.
"Yay, Cancer!"
—Whenever you pick up the Cancer trinket in The Binding of Issac: Rebirth. The Cancer trinket in this game (and the original), named for the Zodiac sign, increases your Tears by 2, vastly increasing your fire rate. The quote itself is an Ascended Meme due to the trinket's usefulness in the game.
"Is that what makes [Riki] so bouncy? Maybe I need to eat more orbs..."
—Shulk, Xenoblade Chronicles 1 The full gain path in the Heart-to-Heart, 'At the Pollen Works' (If Shulk comments of Riki's resourcefulness) involves Riki revealing about the edibility of pollen orbs, or at least, the yellow and blue orbs are edible. The red ones are implied to hurt Riki's stomach.
"My liege, I write to you with shocking news! Roger a Muirebe tried to have me assassinated to make sure I wouldn't discover his plot to Kill Roger a Muirebe. — Your humble Spymaster, Roger a Muirebe"
—A somewhat memetic line from a game of Crusader Kings 2. Three different characters with the same name, due to Good Bad Bugs.
"You never gained LOVE, but you gained love."
—Sans, Undertale LOVE is an acronym for Level of Violence, gained only from killing monsters. This line of dialogue is achieved when the player has no EXP, which is possible in Undertale through being kind and sparing monsters, hence why he says the player gains love.
"We can't save the world from a CD player, so just put us back... so we can do our job!"
—Vyse, Skies of Arcadia Because of how Dreamcast games were formatted, CD players would read the data as though it were audio—this could damage the speakers. Most games came with a stock warning that played whenever someone made this mistake; this clip substitutes it.
"The goat belongs to Uncle Sam now, asshole!"
—Cop, Pay Day 2 The Payday gang have been sent to retrieve a herd of goats being used for smuggling cocaine. (Please don't ask how…) Unfortunately, the truck carrying the goats has crashed and the goats are running loose all over downtown, forcing the Payday gang to hunt them down, while law enforcers attempt to retrieve them. This is one of the lines the cops can yell out as the heist progresses.
"Shoot Commander Temple on sight! I repeat, shoot me on sight!"
—Commander Cyrus Temple, Saints Row: The Third To rescue one of their allies, The Protagonist has undergone plastic surgery to look like Cyrus Temple, and arrives on STAG's main base to free her. Unfortunately, the ruse was quickly unraveled, and the real Cyrus Temple is ordering STAG forces to kill the Saints leader.
"Run, you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!"
—Manny Calavera, Grim Fandango Manny is trying to scare off some skeletal pigeons with a balloon animal in the shape of Robert Frost's head in order to steal their eggs.
"Kairi... Kairi's inside me?"
—Sora, Kingdom Hearts Sora's heart had been keeping Kairi's safe since his journey began, as Ansem!Riku is eager to point out.
''"Come on, Goofy! Let's get going. We've got to forget things faster."
—Donald Duck, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories After finding out that Sora is regaining memories of a girl he used to know as a kid and making the hypothesis that the deeper they go into Castle Oblivion, the more hidden memories they'll unearth at the expense of other memories.
"No! Xion... Who else will I have ice cream with?"
—Roxas, Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days Roxas, Axel, and Xion would spend their time together eating ice cream after their missions. Xion had just forced Roxas into a situation where he had to kill her, in order to save him from ceasing to exist. Because Roxas' idea of friendship was so tied to their times spent together, he blurted this out in desperation as she disappeared in his arms. The reason he didn't think about Axel was because Roxas had started to doubt their friendship.
"It's Riku. They put bugs in him!"
—Data-Sora, Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded Maleficent and Pete had just infected Data-Riku, the manifestation of Jiminy Cricket's journal's memories, with the Bug Blox, leading to a fight with him.
Revilo: A wise dragon once told me, "aim high in life, but watch out for flying boxes."
Spyro: Huh...?
Spyro: Huh...?
—Spyro the Dragon (1998) Revilo was referring to Jacques, who does indeed attack by throwing boxes at Spyro and has to be chased up a series of platforms.
"I'm sure they'll be tuckered out after all that camping and smashing and whatnot."
—Tom Nook, Nintendo Direct 9.13.2018 After Isabelle was revealed for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Tom Nook mentions that he should make sure everyone has a nice place to come home to after untold hours of Smash Bros. and Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp. It's revealed at the end of the trailer that a new Animal Crossing game is coming to the Nintendo Switch in 2019.
"This grass feels funny. It feels like... pants."
—Kirby, Kirby's Epic Yarn Yin-Yarn, the Big Bad of the game, had just sucked Kirby into Patch Land, a world made entirely of arts and crafts.
"Kirby, forgive me! I blame the yarn!"
—Meta Knight, Kirby's Epic Yarn Meta Knight and King Dedede were captured and possessed by Yin-Yarn's magic yarn. Kirby and Prince Fluff promptly beat the yarn out of them.
"I don't wanna do that! Owin' cash to a weird-ass casino inside someone's head is way too scary!"
—Ryuji Sakamoto, Persona 5 Ryuji and the other Phantom Thieves are exploring Sae Niijima's Palace, a Mental World that reflects her distorted view of the real one- in her case, that the courthouse is like a casino where she competes as a prosecutor. Ryuji has heard about the coins that he and the others need to proceed through the casino Palace, and has been given an opportunity to borrow some.
"Mona was the only one who was talkin' about a pancake."
—Ryuji Sakamoto, Persona 5 Upon the first meeting between Goro Akechi and the Phantom Thieves, he made a remark about "delicious pancakes", which only Morgana (codename: Mona) had mentioned in their conversation. Morgana can't be heard by most people unless they've heard him speak in the Metaverse; otherwise, he looks and sounds like an ordinary cat in the real world. When Akechi joined the Phantom Thieves, it was easy for them to peg him as a traitor and the culprit behind the mental shutdown cases, enabling them to pull off the gambit involving Joker's arrest.
Futaba: That's right! Why were you human, Mona?
Anne: Yeah! You're supposed to be a cat!
Mona: I am not a- Oh wait, yeah. I guess I am a cat.
Anne: Yeah! You're supposed to be a cat!
Mona: I am not a- Oh wait, yeah. I guess I am a cat.
— Persona 5 The group were placed in a Lotus-Eater Machine where everyone's deepest desires came to reality, with Mona's being to become a human. When they all came together and broke out of this deception, Mona reverted back to his cat form.
"We are all pawns of something even greater: memes, the DNA of the soul."
—Monsoon, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. He's talking about negative emotions and other causes of war, which people pass on from one to another like a disease.
Michael De Santa: Hipster.
Trevor Philips: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, MICHAEL! Say it again!
Trevor Philips: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, MICHAEL! Say it again!
—Grand Theft Auto V Michael, after analizing Trevor's house, clothing ("opposite of taste"), guns, drugs, tattoos, hair, music preference, hatred of hipsters, self-hatred, and basically everything, comes to the conclusion that Trevor is a hipster. Trevor, who hates hipsters, is insulted and angry at this, especially when Michael calls him the "proto-hipster", by being what hipsters are aspiring to be. Trevor, at pure Tranquil Fury, loses it once Michael calls him a hipster one final time.
"Why are you here? Did you come to force this woman to put on clothes, too?"
—Vatista to Hyde, Under Night In-Birth Being a Robot Girl and a Fish out of Temporal Water, Vatista didn't realise she'd need clothing to pass inconspicuously until Hyde insisted that she did. Do to her extremely-logical mindset, Vatista then wonders if this is something Hyde does frequently.
"I don't want barnacles, Yooka."
—Laylee, Yooka-Laylee Dr. Puzz, who fulfills the role of Mumbo Jumbo in this game, explains her device to the duo. Laylee, seeing how Puzz is a hybrid of a human and an octopus, presumably from an experiment gone wrong, is skeptical of the idea and says this
"I don't care if [Fatalis] can fart and destroy the universe-I'm gonna save kitty!"
—Vanessa, Dragalia Lost (Monster Hunter Collab) A Felyne gets sucked into a tear in spacetime Fatalis is dwelling in. When told some details about Fatalis, such as how its flames could burn away the world within days, Vanessa says this and goes in after the Felyne anyway.
"I lost the sexy bug battle!?"
—Goro Majima, Yakuza Kiwami One of the minigames, a Game Within A Game called MesuKing: Battle Bug Beauties, is allegedly a kid-friendly digital Mons card game about heroic insect fairies fighting evil bugs to save a forest. Allegedly. Most who encounter the game, however, see it for what it is: a Fanservice game thinly veiled beneath an Excuse Plot (unsurprising, as the minigame draws its mechanics from the previous game's catfights). Kiryu, being Kiryu, gets quite into the game, and naturally, Majima isn't far behind. He challenges Kiryu to a round, and once Kiryu beats him, he laments his loss with the above line.
"I'm gonna see how far I can dropkick a human brain."
—Zane Flynt, Borderlands 3 While on Promethea, the Vault Hunters are asked by Rhys to take down a Maliwan AI called Gigamind, who is revealed to be not stored in a computer, but rather an actual brain. If you're playing as Zane, this is his response to Rhys trying to back out of helping the Vault Hunters.
"Out of my way! I gotta get to that giant Ford head before this city is sanitized!"
—Razputin Aquato, Psychonauts 2 Raz is trying to reconnect the fragments of Ford Cruller's shattered mind, which are all inside mental versions of his head in different aspects of his mind. Raz goes inside the bowling aspect of Ford's mind while he's spraying a pair of bowling shoes with disinfectant, which is represented by a giant city populated by germs preparing for the apocalypse.
"You’re just as likely to be hunted down by a yoyo, or a tennis racket."
—Alan James, Not for Broadcast In the bonus level "Day ???: The Lockdown", there’s a outbreak of Mrs. Snugglehugs, female counterparts to the highly dangerous Mr. Snugglehugs toys, violently attacking people as a metaphor for COVID-19. In the second segment, Alan James is trying to claim the Snugglehugs outbreak is a hoax to Katie Brightman and Megan Wolfe, and uses this statement to support his arguement.
"It is I who added the nuts to that statue!"
—Fawful, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story When Bowser comes across the Sea Pipe Statue, it starts to move, which makes him ask why it's acting nuts all of a sudden. Fawful's communication device says the above quote, telling Bowser that he modified the statue to attack him.
I loved it, Mr. Hitler. Super good.
—Ronald Reagan, Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus Ronald Reagan, who remained an actor due to Nazi victory, complimenting Mein Kampf to a senile Hitler at the casting for a propaganda film, unintentionally setting off his Berserk Button of not addressing him as "Mein Fuhrer".
I don't care if the shard sings you a gnomish jig. Hand it over.
— Rokara, Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft She along with the rest of the Horde mercenaries was sent to retrieve the titular shard of the broken Na'Ru from dwarf-turned-trogg Feegly. On the previous turn, Feegly claimed the shard speaking to him.
Find a way to subdue the refrigerator.
—Mission objective, Control The refrigerator in question is a supernaturally empowered item housing a malevolent force inside it, which has to be fought in a battle widely considered That One Boss.
I'm not a fan of feeling like a terrified sock.
—Anonymous Toad, Paper Mario: Sticker Star He'd just been rescued from hanging from a string of flags. Not only did the height terrify him, the wind apparently made him "flap about like a sock on a washing line".
THE ASTRONAUTS IN THE FOREST ARE MURDERING PEOPLE!
—Nelson Tethers, Nelson Tethers: Puzzle Agent Astronauts from a failed expedition to the moon crash-landed back to Earth and went insane thanks to the influence of Lunacy, so that's why they're killing people.
"I have an upset stomach on my hands, but other than that, I feel great!"
—Sly Cooper, Sly 2: Band of Thieves Sly's report to Bentley that he's just stolen back Clockwerk's robotic stomach from the Klaww Gang.
"The light… it turned into people!"
— Vanilla Muscat, Fuga: Melodies of Steel 2 Boron and Socks are rescued from the out-of-control Taranis by being teleported to the Tarascus as particles of light, just like Mei was in the previous chapter— Vanilla was hiding during that time and is thus Locked Out of the Loop as to what's going on.
"No copyright law in the universe is going to stop me!"
—Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic Colors Sonic’s defiant response to Eggman’s claim that he owned the Wisp’s home planet and that Sonic was legally prevented from freeing them.
"Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty king of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS!"
—Bowser, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door Bowser mistakes a poster of Princess Peach for the real thing and tried wooing her.
"Are you saying that I just drank...Pfft! CHEESEBIRD BATH WATER?!"
—Wizard Cookie, Cookie Run: Kingdom Wizard Cookie is given a drink from GingerBrave Cookie, only for Olive Cookie to explain that what GingerBrave Cookie gave him was essentially water said Cheesebirds use to clean themselves with.
"EWWW! I DRANK TWO CUPS OF BEAR JELLY MUSTACHE!!"
—Schwarzwalder, Cookie Run: Kingdom Bear Royal Jelly tried melting a part of his mustache and the candy cane that he used to knock Old Jolly unconscious in a pot of tea which many passengers on the Holiday Express drank that morning.
"That's correct. One does not simply gain the ability to lead an army of raw chickens by losing their mind."
—Faust, Limbus Company Faust is discussing a man who turned into a Distortion, a Humanoid Abomination brought on by hitting the Despair Event Horizon and how it made him gain the power to bring life to and control raw chicken. (The reason that the man can do this is because he used to be a fried chicken restaurant owner before Distorting.)
Visual Novels
"Baseballs have stitches! Are you saying that all baseballs are suspicious!?"
—Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Justice For All A bellboy has just been labeled as suspicious just because he had stitches on his face. Phoenix is desperately trying to stall for time so the police can find his assistant's kidnapper in time.
"Now then, let us adjourn until the manju arrive by carrier hawk."
—The Judge, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice Due to the fact that one of the witnesses has a Split Personality, it's been proposed that he may have another personality that only manifests when he's unconscious. Because the witness stated that he Can't Hold His Liquor, Simon Blackquill has just sent his pet hawk, Taka, to purchase a pack of dumplings with alcohol as a main ingredient.
"While I sympathize with you, witness, you will refrain from firing gatling guns in this courtroom."
—The Judge, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice The current witness is the murder victim's young child, who hasn't left her room in months due to PTSD. She is giving testimony via a remote-controlled helicopter drone which she has customized with a camera, speaker system, and - due to her fascination with warfare and military - a miniature gatling gun.
"People die if they are killed."
—Emiya Shirou, Fate/stay night Up until that point in the Fate route, Shirou had survived at least half a dozen near death experiences (including being disemboweled, stabbed through the heart, and cut clean through from shoulder to hip) through a magical Healing Factor. However, Shirou then gives up that power. Thus, Shirou is just restating he's fine giving the power up, as he's already more than grateful for surviving more near death experiences than a person would normally ever expect to.
"Wow. A cardiovascular disease was raging in (insert name here) this entire time, and I never even knew it!"
—Damien LaVey, Monster Prom If you're playing multiplayer mode, an event can happen where Damien asks one player what another player's "inner murder weapon" would be. If they want to help the other player take Damien to prom, the first player must answer with "major cardiovascular diseases".
"I shall put you in charge of curation. Porn away, comrade!"
—Miranda Vanderbilt, Monster Prom Phase one of her "Make Liam Popular Again" plan involves giving his Instagram account a total makeover. One idea you can suggest is to fill it with porn and bomb recipes; Miranda, who has no idea what porn is, responds positively to it and says the above line.
"You're not sure you'll ever get the image of a thousand Nietzsches swarming all over a gazelle carcass out of your head, but hey, that's what alcohol is for! For helping Cal fake his own death, you gain +2 CREATIVITY and +1 BOLDNESS."
—Monster Prom Part of a route where Calculester creates his own virtual society. In one event, he expresses discomfort that the residents of this society worship him like a god, and so he enlists the player's help to stop it. One solution is to create a thousand ravenous versions of Friedrich Nietzsche and unleash them on the virtual world so they can "kill" Cal; if you pass the stat check for it, it leads to the above line.
"I'm guessing that the toilet paper was used to strangle her."
—Shuichi Saihara, Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony He's discussing a murder that took place in a virtual reality simulation, in which everyone is equally strong, so the culprit had to use a tool to kill the victim. While the idea of using toilet paper to strangle the victim seems just as ridiculous in context, all objects are unbreakable, so it turns out to be a viable method of murder.
"Six billion people will lose their lives as a result of that lone snail."
—Zero II, Zero Time Dilemma The entire events of the Zero Escape series happened because a snail happened to be in the path of someone's run, forcing them to change paths and come across a murderer that kicked off a chain of events that, by the time it gets to Zero Time Dilemma, will kill six billion people in a pandemic.
Webcomics
"I can honestly state that somehow even your vomit is beautiful... As well as quite patriotic...!"
—Blaine, Cursed Princess Club Episode 28. Blaine and Maria had gone on a date to an amusement park and went into a haunted house attraction, where Maria produced Stress Vomit out of fear. Maria is a princess of the Pastel Kingdom, where the inhabitants use bright pastel colors in their flags, clothes, and buildings, and Blaine finds the fact that her vomit was Rainbow Puke aesthetically appropriate (hence the "patriotic" description).
. Blaine and Maria had gone on a date to an amusement park and went into a haunted house attraction, where Maria produced Stress Vomit out of fear. Maria is a princess of the Pastel Kingdom, where the inhabitants use bright pastel colors in their flags, clothes, and buildings, and Blaine finds the fact that her vomit was Rainbow Puke aesthetically appropriate (hence the "patriotic" description).
"Kicking a kitten... A grown man punting a kitten who was looking the other way... It was the bravest thing I've ever seen."
—Torg, Sluggy Freelance at the end of the KITTEN story arc The kittens in question are the offspring of Satan... and no, that doesn't make sense either, but imagine if the Killer Rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail was a cat and was obsessed with mittens, milk, and hunting people, and you'd get these kittens. At the end of the arc, Max kicks one of those kittens, resulting in him being killed in retaliation and enabling the remaining survivors to escape. So kicking them? Actually pretty brave.
"A kitten with wings. Scariest thing I've ever seen in my life."
—Torg, Sluggy Freelance, at the end of the KITTEN II story arc. Said kittens gain wings in this arc, enabling them to fly and making them that much more dangerous. Of course, Gwynn assumes that Torg's talking about her shirt, which has a kitten with butterfly wings on it.
"Are you going to eat the rest of your clothes?"
—Aylee, Sluggy Freelance Aylee is an alien, who transforms occasionally to better adapt to the environment. In the one she had adapted to then, she was an Extreme Omnivore who ate whatever she could get her limbs on... including clothes.
"Alright, we need to know where this store house is, because there is a guy there who is eating the burgers to produce fuel for his organic jetpack."
—Dr. McNinja, The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
"Okay, bacon. BACON, DAMMIT!!!"
—Grim-Eyes, Digger The character is using a code word to try to sync her actions with another one to rescue a third character. When "now!" just confused her companion, she switched to "bacon".
Kaitlyn: Every holiday is pumpkins?
Ursula: Is that wrong?
Kaitlyn: I think it's very right!
Ursula: Is that wrong?
Kaitlyn: I think it's very right!
—Copper Road (spinoff of Precocious) Ursula has made a series of plush toys of anthropomorphic pumpkins, each representing a different holiday.
"Jesus is Magic? No, WHALES are Magic. They saved the Titanic with a giant pink octopus and horny mice!"
—Wolf, Here Wolf A reference to the animated film The Legend of the Titanic.
"I am going to sneak up on my sister and eat her dog brain."
—Lobster Man, Axe Cop
"Oh no! I'm the backpack!"
—Lydia Fama Lydia was giggling while holding her girlfriend Meg from behind as they slept. Meg then awoke to say she had a dream where she was wearing a laughing backpack.
Lydia was giggling while holding her girlfriend Meg from behind as they slept. Meg then awoke to say she had a dream where she was wearing a laughing backpack.
Scott: And my escape will be a piece of cake, 'cause nobody's gonna get in the way of a giant mass of angry dogs walking down the street.
Rick: Especially if it's carrying a urinal.
Rick: Especially if it's carrying a urinal.
"I just can't wait for the Better Homes and Gardens list of helpful tips for household reuse of sixteen-inch acrylonitrite-butadiene-styrene phalluses."
"Crap! How did the pole vaulters get up to our balcony?"
—xkcd, found here. Cueball had written a paper discussing the variation in gravity between cities due to centrifugal (yes, centrifugal) force and the shape of the planet, and the way it affected the records of pole vaulting. Unfortunately, this pissed off a lot of pole vaulters, who laid siege to Cueball and Megan's house, leading to the above line.
. Cueball had written a paper discussing the variation in gravity between cities due to centrifugal (yes, centrifugal) force and the shape of the planet, and the way it affected the records of pole vaulting. Unfortunately, this pissed off a lot of pole vaulters, who laid siege to Cueball and Megan's house, leading to the above line.
"After all, there's nothing better than a giant Zack Ryder and Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby reincarnated as a sheep."
—NES Boy, this Square Root of Minus Garfield strip The strip was combining three earlier comics into one, all editing a strip where Jon leaps over Garfield exclaiming "Woo woo woo!". One replaced Garfield with a sheep and made Jon a giant, another replaced Garfield's dialogue with lines from Nick, and the last replaced Jon with Zack.
Square Root of Minus Garfield strip The strip was combining three earlier comics into one, all editing a strip where Jon leaps over Garfield exclaiming "Woo woo woo!". One replaced Garfield with a sheep and made Jon a giant, another replaced Garfield's dialogue with lines from Nick, and the last replaced Jon with Zack.
"I realized that while this situation makes sense if you've been following along, for someone just coming in, it's complete nonsense.
George and Chadling have apparently merged, Mynd is there and missing his arms and legs, Proto Man is stuck in a block of cheese, Nate is spread all over everything in a fine mist, and they're all standing on a pile of ninjas.
You can see why Dr. Light is a little confused."
if you've been following along, for someone just coming in, it's complete nonsense.George and Chadling have apparently merged, Mynd is there and missing his arms and legs, Proto Man is stuck in a block of cheese, Nate is spread all over everything in a fine mist, and they're all standing on a pile of ninjas.
You can see why Dr. Light is a little confused."
"I was just temporarily lesbian because I was possessed by a zombie!"'
—Dr. Lee, Skin Horse, Railway Children arc
"I GAVE YOUR WHOLE UNIVERSE CANCER, JADE."
—Karkat Vantas, Homestuck He was supposed to breed a frog with a specific genetic code, which would aid in the creation of a new universe. He made a mistake in doing so, resulting in a frog with a massive tumor and a flawed universe.
"Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty."
"
"No safe haven has 8een created that is free from the devastation caused 8y Mr. Milkshake's grand deception."
—Aranea, Homestuck "Mr. Milkshake" is a nickname given to Doc Scratch, The Chessmaster who manipulated the entire troll race to be as violent as possible to further his Evil Plan.
"i DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR POOPMASTER ANYMORE, sO i'M NOT GOING TO BE,"
— Tavros Nitram, Homestuck Tavros leaves behind Vriska, who designated him the insulting title "Poopmaster Nitram" while they were on a ship together.
Commander Badass: Look, I'm sorry we uh, accidentally disintegrated GACKT with fish lasers before y'got a chance t'talk t'him, I'm man enough t'admit when I act irrationally an' fuck up.
Jung Ji-Hoon: It's okay, give it a month and he'll Advent Children or Dissidia himself back into the spotlight.
Jung Ji-Hoon: It's okay, give it a month and he'll Advent Children or Dissidia himself back into the spotlight.
—Manly Guys Doing Manly Things Gackt, here a walking JRPG parody, has been vaporized by a Hyper Beam fired by a pet Gyarados. Jung Ji-Hoon wanted to ask him to stop making fighting robots in his image.
"If I smash the little hover-projector does the koala-god feel pain?"
—Elf, Schlock Mercenary She's referring to a flying machine that contains a hologram emitter, which is being used by Petey, a nearly god-like artificial intelligence whose avatar is that of the species that created him, the Ob'enn, which do resemble koalas.
"Check his flower pot. Check his flower pot for gay porn. We desperately need those new dresses."
—Tycho, Penny Arcade The comic explains it best: "In Shadow Hearts: Covenant, you collect gay pornography which you can trade to a homosexual tailor. In exchange (sic), he will produce fabulous, tiny dresses for your living doll."
explains it best: "In Shadow Hearts: Covenant, you collect gay pornography which you can trade to a homosexual tailor. In exchange (sic), he will produce fabulous, tiny dresses for your living doll."
"Well, you know what? Fuck horses."
—Gabe, Penny Arcade Gabe was ranting about how he couldn't play a game he pre-ordered online until the physical copies were released in stores, and compared the situation to "slowing down every car, just so we don't hurt a horse's feelings."
about how he couldn't play a game he pre-ordered online until the physical copies were released in stores, and compared the situation to "slowing down every car, just so we don't hurt a horse's feelings."
Nicole: Damn it, Sam, I don't want you to die on a flying building full of ninjas!
Sam: I don't want you to die on a flying building full of ninjas, either!
[they make out]
Sam: I don't want you to die on a flying building full of ninjas, either!
[they make out]
"Joshua... I need to tell you something... but I'm having trouble turning you into a sloth, so it needs to be in the dark."
—Clarice, Girls with Slingshots
"I am a. Servant of humanity. Wielder. Of the rubber ball. You shall not pass!"
"Hey Klaus! We're going to Mars on a rowboat! Beat that!"
—Barry Heterodyne, Girl Genius Bill and Barry's Mad Scientist father-in-law accidentally opened a portal to Mars in his lab, from which a robotic dragon emerged to conquer humanity (that bit doesn't really make much more sense in context, to be honest). Having destroyed the dragon with an 'ocean in a bottle' magic item, they are now using the rowboat to access the portal at the bottom of the whirlpool now filing the lab, so they can go to Mars and wipe out the dragons at their source. Oh, and this is part of a Story Within a Story rather than part of the proper storyline.
"Excuse me? Those are my Fun-Sized Mobile Agony and Death Dispensers. They're works of art! You can break your own stuff, thank you very much."
—Agatha Heterodyne, Girl Genius Agatha's ancestors were a bit on the Cartoonish Supervillainy side, though Agatha herself isn't that bad of a person, so her family castle is full of deadly machines. The "Fun-Sized Mobile Agony and Death Dispensers" are Mechanical Monsters found there. Agatha is trying to reclaim her family's castle and she's gonna need some of those deadly weapons to defend her town from invaders. So she's telling her friends to not wreck them too much. Also they just look cool.
"We're at the mall! And I'm still a marshmallow!"
—Ashley, El Goonish Shive Ashley is wearing an extremely poofy coat (because it's very cold outside) as she goes on a date at the mall with her new boyfriend Elliot. She wanted to take it off to show off her cute outfit to Elliot, but was unable to find an excuse to do so before they got there.
"Now get on your flying boat and stop a crazy dwarf vampire from committing election fraud!"
—Wrecan, The Order of the Stick The gods are taking a vote, and the tiebreaker is a god who insists on following the vote of a council of mortal dwarves. The dwarf vampire serves another of the gods, and wishes to turn the council into his vampire thralls and command them to vote in his deity's favor.
"That guy looks like he might be a lobbyist, let's get his pants."
—Millie, Ozy and Millie During a trip to Washington, D.C., Ozy loses all his fur when airport security gives him a random extra-thorough inspection. Since he doesn't normally wear pants, Millie tries to trick various lobbyists into giving him theirs.
"Nobody microwave me!"
—Tiffany, Precocious A Noodle Incident forced her to abandon her clothes and she had to be wrapped in aluminum foil to preserve her dignity.
"A speaker? Ow. You don't want to hear that with four sets of ears at the same time."
—Anders as Dawn, Chiasmata (also see the accompanying image) Anders has the power to control anyone he looks at, and speak through them. However, he's unable to turn it off, so it happens all the time. It just occured he entered the room when all the other Archaea were there, triggering both them all being controlled by Anders and the puzzles that are needed for the entry to the Location. David's puzzle apparently involves a speaker, and hearing it with all the senses of the other Archaea isn't exactly relaxing.
) Anders has the power to control anyone he looks at, and speak through them. However, he's unable to turn it off, so it happens all the time. It just occured he entered the room when all the other Archaea were there, triggering both them all being controlled by Anders and the puzzles that are needed for the entry to the Location. David's puzzle apparently involves a speaker, and hearing it with all the senses of the other Archaea isn't exactly relaxing.
Black: We are the protagonists.
Joy: And we fight for love and justice.
Black: I'm Black.
Joy: And I'm Joy.
Black: And on behalf of my balls,
Both: We shall punish you!
Joy: And we fight for love and justice.
Black: I'm Black.
Joy: And I'm Joy.
Black: And on behalf of my balls,
Both: We shall punish you!
"I'm fucking tripping balls! Ask Oak!"
—Ash Ketchum, VG Cats, "Make it Double" This version of Ash has been catching more Pokémon than the canon one, more than he even knows what to do with, and calls Team Rocket out on following him for 10 years all for one Pikachu, which he unhesitatingly gives them (he's got 8 more, and this Pikachu isn't even shiny). As Oak put it: bitch be tripping balls.
This version of Ash has been catching more Pokémon than the canon one, more than he even knows what to do with, and calls Team Rocket out on following him for 10 years all for one Pikachu, which he unhesitatingly gives them (he's got 8 more, and this Pikachu isn't even shiny). As Oak put it: bitch be tripping balls.
"I wonder if a loan agreement between a hunchback wolf and the father of a saber-toothed squirrel family would be legally binding."
—David Williams, Sandra and Woo David was conducting a loan agreement with one Mr. Miller when his wife and daughter interrupted with their game of pretend. Mr. Miller responded by joining in on the game, leading to David saying the above line.
"YOU MOCK DEATH WITH YOUR SIDE DISH BRIBERY, WOMAN!"
—Elvis, Breaking Cat News After the cats knock the Woman's phone into the sink, she puts it in rice to dry it. Elvis thinks it's dark magic "resurrecting" the phone, leading to the quote.
"Is that guy... a banana?!"
— Let's Speak English This line comes from a show that the main character is watching and in it, characters have the ability to summon fruit-themed armors to adorn. Among them is one who wears banana-themed armor. The quote is paraphrased from a scene where a character expresses this in disbelief note .
"I saw my feather duster heading north! Think I should go after it?"
—Brisbane, Faux Pas A cat stole feathers from Brisbane's feather duster to sell to the other cats in hopes of tickling a fox. When said fox didn't react the desired way, the other cats took their revenge on the seller by covering him in honey and his own feathers. What Brisbane saw was the honey-and-feathered cat fleeing in terror.
"…And then I stabbed the cake. And that was when I realized I had become the very thing I hated."
— Cloud Strife to Dr. Mario, Everyone Is Home, "Psycho Therapy" In this comic, Sephiroth seems to have reformed into a nicer person following some alleged head trauma— which is a whole other case of It Makes Sense in Context in itself— and Cloud is expectedly suspicious. In the comic just before this one, Sephiroth and Squirtle make Zelda a cake in her likeness to celebrate her series' anniversary, but Cloud's paranoia pushes him to stab it through the chest in a similar fashion to how Sephiroth stabbed Aerith in their original game (with Sephiroth even cradling the ruined cake in the same way Cloud cradled Aerith's dead body), which horrifies Cloud upon noticing the similarities.
In this comic, Sephiroth seems to have reformed into a nicer person following some alleged head trauma— which is a whole other case of It Makes Sense in Context in itself— and Cloud is expectedly suspicious. In the comic just before this one, Sephiroth and Squirtle make Zelda a cake in her likeness to celebrate her series' anniversary, but Cloud's paranoia pushes him to stab it through the chest in a similar fashion to how Sephiroth stabbed Aerith in their original game (with Sephiroth even cradling the ruined cake in the same way Cloud cradled Aerith's dead body), which horrifies Cloud upon noticing the similarities.
"... Y'know that's an underage corn meal sack right?"
—A guest commenter under this Ennui GO! strip They're replying to someone saying they want to have sex with Max's imaginary friend Min, who is based on a doll Max owns that was partly made out of a corn meal sack. Min is (physically) the same age as Max, who as of that comic was a high school freshman.
Ennui GO! strip They're replying to someone saying they want to have sex with Max's imaginary friend Min, who is based on a doll Max owns that was partly made out of a corn meal sack. Min is (physically) the same age as Max, who as of that comic was a high school freshman.
"Her principal is responsible for her boobs."
—A commenter under this Ennui GO! strip The teenage Brittany has just admitted to underage drinking with a beer brand known for inducing Breast Expansion on women who consume it. The commenter is pointing out that no one would have found out about the beer's side effects had Len (who's currently the principal of Brittany’s school) not figured it out and revealed it to the beer's creator, who promptly used it as a selling point.
Ennui GO! strip The teenage Brittany has just admitted to underage drinking with a beer brand known for inducing Breast Expansion on women who consume it. The commenter is pointing out that no one would have found out about the beer's side effects had Len (who's currently the principal of Brittany’s school) not figured it out and revealed it to the beer's creator, who promptly used it as a selling point.
"I don't have time for this, I have a squirrel to deploy."
—Horace, Everything is Fine The squirrel in question he's surgically implanted a removed GPS into. He's letting it free into the wild to fool the totalitarian government so those in La Résistance can breathe easier.
Web Original
"We aren't cooking centaurs though, we're talking about biology."
—Insufficient Dakka, SpaceBattles.com: Quotes That Make You Drop a Fic - Now With Rules: Page 29: Figuring out what rules to say whether centaurs are / aren't mammals. A response to SeptimusMagisto: "Well, it's a little like how tomatoes are classified differently when cooking than they are when discussing botany. There is a whole separate system in place created to satisfy a different purpose."
: Figuring out what rules to say whether centaurs are / aren't mammals. A response to SeptimusMagisto: "Well, it's a little like how tomatoes are classified differently when cooking than they are when discussing botany. There is a whole separate system in place created to satisfy a different purpose."
"If you don't pee, I'm gonna die, Julian! Your pee could save my life."
— Toby, JulianSmith.tv, Urine This Together Julian's using the bathroom with the door open. Toby can't walk past the bathroom door under those circumstances until Julian's done, but Julian can't pee with Toby lingering outside, leaving them both at a deadlock. Also, Toby is being held at gunpoint by an intruder.
Julian's using the bathroom with the door open. Toby can't walk past the bathroom door under those circumstances until Julian's done, but Julian can't pee with Toby lingering outside, leaving them both at a deadlock. Also, Toby is being held at gunpoint by an intruder.
"(oh yeah
in case it wasn’t clear
the prince in the bull was the baby from the box who got killed
and then turned into a fruit tree
and then got eaten by a cow and then born as a bull
I don’t know why that wouldn’t be clear though)"
in case it wasn’t clear
the prince in the bull was the baby from the box who got killed
and then turned into a fruit tree
and then got eaten by a cow and then born as a bull
I don’t know why that wouldn’t be clear though)"
—Myths Retold, "The Speckled Bull is Like The Speckled Band Except Not At All"
"WHO'S BEEN IN YOU, YOU FILTHY WHORE!?"
—Rage Rider to EZ Rider Rage Rider is an Imagin, a monster who possesses people, and sticks to EZ Rider. His shock and rage comes when he notices the smell of another Imagin who had just recently possessed him.
"I nearly collapsed in a vagina!"
"Go out and take a look at the counters in your kitchen, right now, and really just take in how big of a monkey that is."
"Couldn't you just... talk to your boob?"
"GET OUT OF MY PLANT'S MIND. >:("
—Roxy, Let's Play Pokémon Crystal Chapter 33 An opponent's Pokémon used Mind Reader on her Grass-type.
An opponent's Pokémon used Mind Reader on her Grass-type.
"Ash's schlong is officially sanctioned by Nintendo."
—scans_daily blog post about the Pocket Monsters manga The writer is clarifying that a page that shows's Red's/Ash's genitalia is not photoshopped or a doujinshi, but was actually in an officially licensed manga.
about the Pocket Monsters manga The writer is clarifying that a page that shows's Red's/Ash's genitalia is not photoshopped or a doujinshi, but was actually in an officially licensed manga.
"Anyway, they see a DOG peeing on Nebbercracker’s lawn be… EATEN by the house…"
—Duckyworth on Monster House. The premise of the film is about a haunted house that literally comes to life, and devours its victims. The dog was one of the victims of the house.
on Monster House. The premise of the film is about a haunted house that literally comes to life, and devours its victims. The dog was one of the victims of the house.
[Sally snaps and tries to grab Talula in anger. Talula just sits back and Sally's grabbed by someone. She turns around to see that she's being held by two ninjas]
Talula: You don't think that I have bodyguards? I was thinking kids in suits of armor, but I decided to go with ninjas.
Talula: You don't think that I have bodyguards? I was thinking kids in suits of armor, but I decided to go with ninjas.
—Growing Around, Best Enemies Growing Around is set in an universe where kids have the role of adults and vice versa. Within this, things like the currency being also being a TCG, and kids teaching adults in school are all possible within the world. The ninjas are simply part of the world running on Rule of Cool.
, Best Enemies Growing Around is set in an universe where kids have the role of adults and vice versa. Within this, things like the currency being also being a TCG, and kids teaching adults in school are all possible within the world. The ninjas are simply part of the world running on Rule of Cool.
"There you have it, folks! ACTUAL WEEPING COCK FTW!"
—trailertralk sporking the fic Safety in Submission The fic used the phrase "weeping cock", which coincidentally is the name of a community dedicated to mocking bad porn (and where its spork would later be posted).
the fic Safety in Submission The fic used the phrase "weeping cock", which coincidentally is the name of a community dedicated to mocking bad porn (and where its spork would later be posted).
"I drown in a sea of wolf cum...?"
—Furry Force 3
"Russian Roulette with a plastic anus."
—Random Hoo Haas' General Writings page. Ragey is describing a game called "Doggie Doo", and no, we're not kidding. So the object of the game is to scoop 3 pieces of dog crap, which you get by squeezing a pump, the number of times you do so determined by the number on a die that you roll. He compares this to Russian Roulette, saying that "In essence, it's a bizarre, poop-orientated version of Russian Roulette, except instead of trying to avoid getting a bullet in a skull, you're aiming to collect as many as possible. The first player with three entry wounds is the victor!" Really, that's the best way to describe the game.
Ragey is describing a game called "Doggie Doo", and no, we're not kidding. So the object of the game is to scoop 3 pieces of dog crap, which you get by squeezing a pump, the number of times you do so determined by the number on a die that you roll. He compares this to Russian Roulette, saying that "In essence, it's a bizarre, poop-orientated version of Russian Roulette, except instead of trying to avoid getting a bullet in a skull, you're aiming to collect as many as possible. The first player with three entry wounds is the victor!" Really, that's the best way to describe the game.
"Meter Maid starts race war."
—Zootopia in a nutshell. Said Meter Maid accidentally caused a stigma against predators with a combination of choice words and footage of predators going feral, making it look like it's an inevitability rather than anything else.
. Said Meter Maid accidentally caused a stigma against predators with a combination of choice words and footage of predators going feral, making it look like it's an inevitability rather than anything else.
"The seasons are titninjas."
—Leila Hann, Let's Watch RWBY Blind, Fall The seasons are actually women who become the Maidens of the four seasons, while the title of 'titninja' is a Fan Nickname by Leila after noticing that the male characters in RWBY tend to have a female foil, indicating that the Maidens are the foils to the old man.
The seasons are actually women who become the Maidens of the four seasons, while the title of 'titninja' is a Fan Nickname by Leila after noticing that the male characters in RWBY tend to have a female foil, indicating that the Maidens are the foils to the old man.
Leila Hann: So, how about those rape goblins?
Axslashel: So last year. Have you not heard? Incel protagonists and buying slave racoon girls is all the rage right now.
Axslashel: So last year. Have you not heard? Incel protagonists and buying slave racoon girls is all the rage right now.
—Sufficient Velocity.com. It's a thread talking about Goblin Slayer. Leila tried to steer back to topic after the thread had been reopened from a month-long closure, only for Axslashel to point out that its controversial goblins are old news and refers to The Rising of the Shield Hero's own controversy surrounding the main character and heroine.
Goblin Slayer. Leila tried to steer back to topic after the thread had been reopened from a month-long closure, only for Axslashel to point out that its controversial goblins are old news and refers to The Rising of the Shield Hero's own controversy surrounding the main character and heroine.
"I’m not gonna go toe-to-toe with a crab while you’re armed with a terrible Scottish accent, and Travis doesn’t even have his shield! I’m out! ...did I say Travis? I meant Leeman Kessler."
—Taako/Justin, The Adventure Zone: Balance, "Murder on the Rockport Limited" The group just got attacked by a giant crab monster, with Taako immediately bailing from the fight. Before boarding, each member of the group was forced to give up their weapons, leaving Merle - who had been impersonating a man called Leeman Kessler using a horrible Scottish accent - and Magnus - who's played by Travis - defenseless. Taako was wrong on what exactly his teammate's name was, and who was impersonating who.
That was nothing like the back of the box. Where's my space lobster?
—Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, "Drive-Thru" Strong Bad was hoping a model rocket would shoot all the way to Europa (one of Jupiter's moons) and bring back a "Europa-pean lobster." It shot up less than a foot into the air.
" Strong Bad was hoping a model rocket would shoot all the way to Europa (one of Jupiter's moons) and bring back a "Europa-pean lobster." It shot up less than a foot into the air.
What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways?
—Old Timey Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Sickly Sam's Big Outing Old-Timey Strong Bad had been swallowed by Sickly Sam and was complaining that the only game in his stomach was Parcheezi.
Old-Timey Strong Bad had been swallowed by Sickly Sam and was complaining that the only game in his stomach was Parcheezi.
SCP-682: "Yog Sothoth take me now!"
Dr. Clef: "Jesus wept."
—SCP Foundation, SCP-666½-J SCP-682 committing suicide after eating SCP-666½-J, a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée that causes food poisoning to end all food poisoning, with Dr. Clef, who may be Satan himself, uttering this line.
SCP-682 committing suicide after eating SCP-666½-J, a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée that causes food poisoning to end all food poisoning, with Dr. Clef, who may be Satan himself, uttering this line.
"Yes, they did don sombreros. No, we have yet to remove them."
—SCP Foundation, "SCP-729-J" When SCP-720-J, a Peeps Bunny plush everyone except its owner, including the otherSCPs, are inexplicably terrified of was put in the same cell as SCP-173, what happened was for some reason expunged and a researcher's note simply clarified what did and what didn't happen. For some reason, sombreros got brought up.
" When SCP-720-J, a Peeps Bunny plush everyone except its owner, including the otherSCPs, are inexplicably terrified of was put in the same cell as SCP-173, what happened was for some reason expunged and a researcher's note simply clarified what did and what didn't happen. For some reason, sombreros got brought up.
10. "If all else fails, poop on it."
—SCP Foundation, "The Things That Dr. Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation" Apparently, Dr. Bright has a tendency to make up stupid mottoes for the Foundation instead of the official "Secure, Contain, Protect", including the above line.
" Apparently, Dr. Bright has a tendency to make up stupid mottoes for the Foundation instead of the official "Secure, Contain, Protect", including the above line.
"I'm sorry, but if you orchestrate a naval blockade of a whole continent, you can't get out of trouble by using your American Express card."
"Okay. Do you take Discover?"
—What If?: Transatlantic Car Rental Like many high-status credit card accounts, American Express Centurion covers some forms of rental car damage, but for whatever reason, acts of war— including naval blockades— are an explicit exception.
Like many high-status credit card accounts, American Express Centurion covers some forms of rental car damage, but for whatever reason, acts of war— including naval blockades— are an explicit exception.
Bug #1: (enters room) Yo.
Bug #2:: (elbows bending backwards) Thanks a lot! Now my elbows don't work.
Bug #2:: (elbows bending backwards) Thanks a lot! Now my elbows don't work.
—Bug Martini The author questions the Shy Bladder phenomenon and questions why it doesn't affect other parts of the body.
"Not only have I sentenced every young person in the British and French empires to a youth of Ayn Rand fandom, I have taken away their teddy bears as well."
—Aelita on one of the old threads for Reds!: A Revolutionary Timeline Since Teddy Roosevelt never became president in this timeline, stuffed toy bears aren't named after him. The Ayn Rand thing is referencing how the French and British empires are anti-communist and her writing is popular there for that reason.
on one of the old threads for Reds!: A Revolutionary Timeline Since Teddy Roosevelt never became president in this timeline, stuffed toy bears aren't named after him. The Ayn Rand thing is referencing how the French and British empires are anti-communist and her writing is popular there for that reason.
"Yes. I got your wedding invitation, but what part of 'I will burst into flames if I enter the house of God' do you not understand?"
—Bug Martini The author speculates what would happen if he became a vampire.
Uncategorized
Farewell Cavia. May a flight of space babies sing you to thine resting place.
—YouTube commenter on NieR Shadowlord
"Is anyone on fire? Yes, exceptionally so!"
—braincraft, a thread on RPG.net The thread's about a Flash-based GM emulator based on MYTHIC. braincraft is quoting an exchange with the program, which has poorly-done AI.
The thread's about a Flash-based GM emulator based on MYTHIC. braincraft is quoting an exchange with the program, which has poorly-done AI.
"I'M MY COUCH!"
—boogie2988 on the Xbox 360 Kinect. The Kinect mistook him for a couch. This is his response when the device told him to move his couch.
on the Xbox 360 Kinect. The Kinect mistook him for a couch. This is his response when the device told him to move his couch.
Woman's body found in Lawrence Welk
—Fark.com headline Lawrence Welk is the name of a local community.
Lawrence Welk is the name of a local community.
And there was a giant uvula hanging from the ceiling. Which is weird, because crabs don't have uvulas.
—From a post found on the Phineas and Ferb Wiki IRC The poster was talking about a dream they had.
Right now I'm kinda dealing with a war between regulation-happy Californians, insular technophile xenophobes, and slave-owning, skirt-wearing homosexuals.
—Jay Naylor He's discussing three of the major factions in Fallout: New Vegas: the NCR, the Brotherhood of Steel, and Caesar's Legion respectively.
"Love does not deter black people on a fixed trajectory"
The mine had been ventilated for several days before it was judged safe to re-enter, but the canary was a standard safety precaution.
—Display in Threlkeld Quarry and Mining Museum in Cumbria, England. If there were any toxic fumes still lingering in the mine, the canary would die from them before a human. Miners would often keep canaries down the mines because if one of them died suddenly then that was a sign to get out of there fast.
"Why on earth does my nipple make me write differently?"
—Marjane Satrapi, author of Persepolis. It's a rhetorical question about literary festivals that divide the featured authors by gender.
, author of Persepolis. It's a rhetorical question about literary festivals that divide the featured authors by gender.
"I have green Super Mario World is a great game. hair."
—a forum post talking about how when adding patches to a ROM hack, you can't just insert them anywhere, using an example of a similar scenario with the English language
talking about how when adding patches to a ROM hack, you can't just insert them anywhere, using an example of a similar scenario with the English language
Jade is officially a gardening tool.
—Vman, on a deleted Twitter post. MK:11 allows players to name the character variations they create. Vman wanted to name his Jade variation 'Kotal's Ho', but that would be censored for using an offensive word. So, as an aversion to Scunthorpe Problem, Vman used 'Kotal's Hoe' instead.
To put it another way, for a one in a trillion chance of success, there would need to be 10360,641 universes made of protonic monkeys.
—Wikipedia Discussing the Infinite Monkey theorem. A "universe of protonic monkeys" is a set of as many monkeys-with-a-typewriter as there are protons in the universe, writing continuously for the predicted lifespan of the universe.
"OK, I watched all these movies. But now I have this giant platinum statue of an angry Hitler head, and I'm embarrassed to put it on display."
—greenhorg, this comment section Icheckmovies awards trophies for watching a certain number of films on lists, awarding platinum for completing the whole list. The trophy for the 1940s list is of Charlie Chaplin's role in The Great Dictator.
Icheckmovies awards trophies for watching a certain number of films on lists, awarding platinum for completing the whole list. The trophy for the 1940s list is of Charlie Chaplin's role in The Great Dictator.
"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo"
—A phrase This is a grammatically correct sentence that is used to demonstrate how homophones can make English more confusing. According to Wikipedia, it basically means buffalo from Buffalo, New York who are bullied by other buffalo from the city of Buffalo in turn bully buffaloes from the city of Buffalo.
, it basically means buffalo from Buffalo, New York who are bullied by other buffalo from the city of Buffalo in turn bully buffaloes from the city of Buffalo.
What a win for Zimbabwe! Congratulations to the Chevrons.
Next time, send the real Mr. Bean...#PakvsZim
—Zimbabwean President Emmerson Mnangagwa, T20 World Cup Tweet In 2016, a Pakistani comedian named Muhammad Arif impersonated Mr. Bean on a trip to Zimbabwe and got a hero's welcome from Zimbabweans who mistook him for the real deal. Certain Zimbabweans, such as cricketeer Ngugi Chasura, were still bitter towards Pakistan about this and promised revenge on the cricket field, which President Mnangagwa referenced when his country's team won a match.
In 2016, a Pakistani comedian named Muhammad Arif impersonated Mr. Bean on a trip to Zimbabwe and got a hero's welcome from Zimbabweans who mistook him for the real deal. Certain Zimbabweans, such as cricketeer Ngugi Chasura, were still bitter towards Pakistan about this and promised revenge on the cricket field, which President Mnangagwa referenced when his country's team won a match.
Look, you know the rules— if you wanna go to space, you either ride a motorcycle up some stairs or eat a bookbag full of butter.
—Stick figure, What If?, Stairs. Randall has just finished calculating that climbing a staircase the same height as a space elevator could be done in a day by riding a motorcycle up the stairs or little over a week on foot; the latter option would require bringing several sticks of butter for caloric intake.
. Randall has just finished calculating that climbing a staircase the same height as a space elevator could be done in a day by riding a motorcycle up the stairs or little over a week on foot; the latter option would require bringing several sticks of butter for caloric intake.
I tried to explain that the crow was sucking cock for a REASON, but it actually does sound kind of creepy saying it out loud.
—Mark Millar, this interview He's recounting how he tried to defend his incredibly twisted comic The Unfunnies to his wife by pointing out how there was a narrative reason Betty Birdseed was giving Frosty Pete (possessed by Big Bad Troy Hicks) a blowjob (to stop him from calling the cops on her for killing Jungle Jim).
He's recounting how he tried to defend his incredibly twisted comic The Unfunnies to his wife by pointing out how there was a narrative reason Betty Birdseed was giving Frosty Pete (possessed by Big Bad Troy Hicks) a blowjob (to stop him from calling the cops on her for killing Jungle Jim).
A hierarchical pecking order was being established, and when you’re the one desperately slurping sustenance out of the plaster cast of someone else’s mouth, it’s safe to say you are at the bottom of that pyramid.
—Geraldine DeRuiter A description of a truly horrendous experience at Bros., Lecce, a Michelin Star restaurant in Italy specializing in very absurd dishes. There were twenty-seven courses dragged out over four and a half hours, with the course being referred to being citrus foam from a plaster cast of the chef's mouth.
A description of a truly horrendous experience at Bros., Lecce, a Michelin Star restaurant in Italy specializing in very absurd dishes. There were twenty-seven courses dragged out over four and a half hours, with the course being referred to being citrus foam from a plaster cast of the chef's mouth.
Super Saiyan Squidward. Nice.
—Mert, this comment section In The Bikini Bottom Horror, Squidward unleashes a more powerful form to save Sandy from murderous Patrick clones.
In The Bikini Bottom Horror, Squidward unleashes a more powerful form to save Sandy from murderous Patrick clones.
"James while John had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on the teacher."
— A phrase that demonstrates the necessity of punctuation. Two boys are asked to demonstrate if "had" or "had had" is more grammatically correct. The answer with the punctuation included reads "James, while John had had 'had', had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher."
