troperville

tools

toys


main index

Narrative

Genre

Media

Topical Tropes

Other Categories

TV Tropes Org
random
This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Poison Oak Epileptic Trees
Just as poison oak is a plant to avoid, these tropes are Epileptic Trees to avoid (well, not for some of us). Basically a crazy theory of your favourite show/game/movie/book/etc., that just pops into your head, but you don't want to be true.

It could be because it's Squick, a wall banger, something horribly cliche, or just plain Trolling For the Evulz, but for whatever reason, you really want to be wrong in this case. Sometimes you wanted to eradicate the theory from your brain, but it still persists and the theory just begs to be written down. Sometimes the guess can contain elements of Canon, Word of God or Truth in Television, but you just found said elements to be too disgusting for standards and/or wished it to be nothing but mere fictional lies.

See also No Yay, Fridge Horror, and Stock Epileptic Trees.

Older guesses have been archived. See these archive pages to review those entries.


A Song of Ice and Fire is a Shaggy Dog Story that is leading no-where.
In fact the chances are, the shaggy dog will get shot

The Drowned God the Greyjoys worship is Cthulhu.
He will rise up in the final book and eat everyone: No plots will be resolved, no personal struggles will mean anything, the story will just end without anyone resolving their individual storylines; Cthulhu rises, everyone gets eaten.

It's Stephen Hawking's fault that the 21st century isn't as futuristic as it ought to be.
Hawking was put on this earth to make a handful of scientific inventions that would usher humanity into a new age, and then die. Just like Nikola Tesla. His illness was was intended to be a kind of built-in time limit - yes, it seems awfully cruel, but the Fates can be jerks like that. His continued, medically improbable survival is due to conscious or unconscious procrastination. All the time Hawking spends making guest appearances on Futurama, writing popular science books about scientific questions (that lead to nowhere useful), or having any kind of personal life, he is extending his own life, but at the cost of delaying the next stage of civilization.

Why are the Blues so continually popular with musicians? Schadenfreude.
To quote Bleeding Gums Murphy: "The blues ain't about makin' yourself feel better; it's about makin' other people feel worse." Hence the "miserable drunk who is down on the dumps" feel. And it's continually popular with listeners for the same reason this page is so popular.

Blues musicians and other creators of depressing art must feed on murdered Smurfs daily or lose their talent.
They also have to feast on the blood of Snorks so they don’t crumble to dust in direct sunlight, and drink a mixture of Rye, Bourbon and Fluttershy’s tears every twenty minutes or they turn into pumpkins on the stroke of midnight. Also never feed a Blues musician after midnight or let them get wet: it doesn't do anything supernatural to them, it just tends to put them of their set if their either too full or soaking wet during late performances.
  • Speaking of other creators of depressing art, this may also mean that Hideaki Anno thought of creating Rei Ayanami when drunk on a cocktail that includes Smurfs and Tang. Hence Rei's blue hair and Evangelion's depression appeal.

Addendum about Fluttershy's tears that are mentioned above:
Fluttershy's tears are also good Unobtainium for powering our universe, since her tears approach a near 100% entropy-free energy efficiency compared to oil and uranium, and also act like safer and more reliable versions of ADAM stem cells, combined with a superior evolution of the innate antimicrobial properties already found in tears. Said evolutionary properties of her ocular fluids are speculated to be the reason for how she can protect her extremely vulnerable Tareme Eyes from infection obtained from everyday contact with her biohazardous wild environment. Every anime girl also possesses a limited extent of this trait, but Tareme-eyed Moe girls exhibit its complete evolutionary expression, hence their, well, extremely expressive perpetually-puppy-dog-like Tareme eyes. This is the secret behind Fluttershy's ability to cure kind of animal despite her lack of a medical degree or sufficient equipment in her household, which in normal circumstances should be an unsanitary and dangerous biohazard due to the abundance of non-vaccinated wild animals combined with lack of proper sanitary procedures.

Hypothesized to be the reason why Equestria has little pandemics of deadly diseases, such as the infamous Influenza which should have been transmitted through the non-vaccinated wild animals Fluttershy takes care of, especially the birds. Also speculated to be able to cause limited antidepressant pheromone effects to non-intelligent lower animals as well, which can be weaponized in the form of her Stare which pacifies any animal. I'm also hypothesizing that if the Avian Flu or an alien plague (e.g. unpacifiable parasitic Xenomorphs, Zerg infestation, Hate Plague, any disease that results in Zombie Apocalypse, etc) invaded Equestria and Fluttershy wasn't there to pacify and cure the infected, then even the alicorns Twilight and Celestia would have never saw the megadeaths coming before it's too late for their magic to fix the devastation wrought by the pandemic, similar to the Aztecs' lack of immunity to European xeno diseases. (Also, without Fluttershy's tears to provide immunity and pacification, they would have never been able to resist said Zerg Rush, considering that unlike Fluttershy, Twilight and Celestia prefer to fight directly with their Psychic Powers which the Zerg Swarm will simply find delicious, which means that they will be infested into the pony equivalent of Kerrigan. No, the Elements of Harmony aka the Orbital Friendship Cannon will not help to repel the aggressive and limitless xenomorph swarm, and the psychic emissions caused by the Elements will just attract even worse intergalactic Tyranids. Ergo, only using the pacifying pheromones in Fluttershy's tears will subdue the Swarm of these animals).

But why don't we humans and other inhabitants of alternate universes have perfect health in the Future? Because, this unobtainium is mostly consumed by Incubators, who necessitate a constant supply of Moe in order to obtain fuel to decelerate the accumulating Entropic decay of themselves and the cosmos as a whole, and creators of True Art Is Angsty (including but not limited to: authors of Tragedy, depressing Classical Music composers, Blues musicians, Emos, and anybody who likes Neon Genesis Evangelion), whose Angst put them in an eternal state of exponentially accelerated entropy, rendering their immune systems extremely vulnerable (Truth in Television: depression and stress compromises the immune system, both directly and indirectly) and therefore forcing them to consume these tears forever, hence the continuous rarity. note 

Production of sufficient quantities of Fluttershy tears was difficult at first and was the primary limiting factor in Blues production, which is why the popularity of Justin Bieber is plunging our universe closer to The End of the World as We Know It, but up until recently, eventually we hit on the idea of cloning her several thousand times and collecting the tears with a specialised catheter that fits under her eyes, along with Pinkamena Diane Pie and everybody else in the Torture Technician list and sexual offence registry hired to torture Fluttershy forever, along with a million clones of Angel Bunny, and a large blender. Administration of a Class A Amnesiac after every third or fourth session (similar to Procedure 110-Montauk) is also recommended for prevention of desensitization and cynicism from the familiarity with the procedure, which prevents optimum tears extraction. Personnel who express sympathy towards Fluttershy's plight and/or express a desire to rescue or sympathize towards Fluttershy WILL be met with immediate termination for accelerating the entropy of this universe. No, putting the poor girl out of her misery is NOT an option. Neither is rendering her unconscious, comatose, or any form of pain relief, narcotic or analgesic to herself. She has to be completely sensitive and aware of what is going on in order for the extraction to work. And when all that does not work, we read fanfic to her.

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is either propaganda or told from the point of view of a Villain Protagonist
The Anti-Spirals were right: Spiral Energy, a Darwinian evolution-based power source fueled by aggressions and passions (or should we say the Dark Side of the force) is something Man Was Not Meant To Know ala the Atomic Bomb, and when misused will destroy the universe (or even multiverse, think of Crisis on Infinite Earths), especially when handed over to the beast Man. With this Weapon of Mass Destruction, humanity became a militaristic, expansionist, Social Darwinist space empire not unlike the Imperium of Man from Warhammer 40,000. All that bombastic and hammy talk about the Power of Friendship? It's a disguised message of With Us or Against Us. Of course, the purpose of propaganda is daemonization of the enemy, hence why the Anti-spirals are portrayed as Eldritch Abominations and manipulative bastards just like how Nazi Germany portrayed the Jews as manipulators who have Chronic Backstabbing Disorder. Kamina might be an in-universe equivalent of Hitler (or considering he's dead, Lenin).

Half of these theories are completely false
The other half, however? Completely true. And you won't find out which until it's too late.
  • This actually isn't too bad now that most of the really horrible theories have been moved to the Archive page.

Sweetie Belle Is NOT Rarity's little sister.
Ahhh… Rarity Rarity Rarity… you can run and hide from the issue all you like, but sooner or later, that teen pregnancy is coming back to haunt you…

Benedict Cumberbatch will go prematurely bald.
Nooo! Eventually all that Dyeing For His Art will take a toll on his scalp. It may have already started - both Sherlock and Peter Guillam have bangs, which may be concealing a receding hairline.

Haruhiahweh caused the 2011 Tohoku earthquake.
To punish Japan for letting Puella Magi Madoka Magica outsell her series. On top of that, Madoka's final episode was originally scheduled to air on Good Friday (more on this below).

Haruhiahweh also caused the 1964 Alaska earthquake.
To punish America for allowing The Beatles to gain huge success when John Lennon claimed to be more popular than Jesus. Lennon wouldn't say this for another two years, but since God exists beyond time and space, Shklee knew what Shklee was doing.

It could be worse, wherever Pinkie grew up looked like it must be region twelve. And at least there aren’t that many similarities between MLP:Fi M and The Hunger Games… it’s not like one of the mane six is a feisty Appalachian outdoorsy tomgirl with a big family to feed who is protective of their younger sister, or if one of them lived in a bakery or anything…

The next Sonic game will be Sola Sonica again...
But make a number of other characters disc-locked content with annoying gameplay.

Justin Bieber is the guy in Just Be Friends, sung by Megurine Luka
"Are we an item? Girl, quit playin', "We're Just Friends," what are you sayin'? Said "there's another," and looked right in my eyes, My first love broke my heart for the first time..."

Shinji Ikari is representative of Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, and Madoka Kaname is representative of the Jews and other repressed peoples.
Hence how Madoka is called the Spiritual Successor to Evangelion; it represents a desire to reconcile between Japan's unseemly past and the Jews and other ButtMonkeys and Woobie peoples they wronged in Asia and the South Pacific. (Shinji/Madoka Shipping Fan Fic is an attempt to bond between both peoples.) Perhaps this shouldn't go under Poison Oak Epileptic Trees. But then, remembering the Nazi allusions with NERV and the possible Holocaust allusions with Madoka, perhaps it should. I was drunk when I wrote this. (And I did say I was a lunatic.)

Nazi Germany was all Germany's Witch form.
Its loss in World War One, the crushing debts of the Versailles Treaty, and the resulting Humiliation Conga, followed by the Depression pushed the whole country beyond the Despair Event Horizon and turned it into a nihilistic, murderous monster knowing only war and destruction.

Considering the Gratuitous German Theme Naming of the Witches, the Faust allusions, the occult symbolism all around Nazi Germany, how it met its absolute despair and Downfall on April 30 (known in Nazi occultism as Walpurgisnacht), the aforementioned Holocaust parallels, and the obvious fact that All Germans Are Nazis, and you know this one is true.

What is the Grimace, and why was he associated with milkshakes?
He's what happens when you leave a shake out in the open for too long.

Sherlock will parallel Romeo and Juliet in season 3.
John will throw himself off Bart's when he realizes that he can't live without Sherlock. Sherlock will arrive too late to stop him, and will then shoot himself in the head.

Belldandy is a female Incubator.
Let's see...she grants wishes, made a contract with Keiichi, Keiichi is gaining magical powers and has been hinted at approaching godhood...and under their contract, Keiichi was effectively neutered since apparently the gods have problems with god/mortal "miscegenation"; he could never have normal human sexual feelings for Belldandy, but every time he looks too long at another girl, she gets angry. She claims to truly love him, but also flat-out said she and her sisters liked being pampered by him. His neutering is actually the Equivalent Exchange curse is response to his wish...and also a side effect of having his soul ripped out. And yes, Skuld, Urd, Peorth and all the others are also Incubators who have Mind Raped many others into doing their bidding.
  • The series of course will end with K1 falling into despair and becoming a Warlock.
  • Kyubey is of course a male of his species, and of course he handles the females. Since this is Poison Oak Epileptic Trees, feel free to interject as many rape metaphors (surprise surprise) as you like for both series.
  • Alternatively, the Incubators are a genderless species (which seems to be Word of God). Some appeal to girls with their normal appearance as Ridiculously Cute Critters. To appeal to heterosexual males, they disguise themselves as gorgeous women.

Axis Powers Hetalia is not the key to World Peace, and will instead trigger World War III
But only if the original creator dies and is replaced with a lunatic, who will make the show mind-blowingly offensive to the point where anyone who watches it will see it as a Brown Note. Everyone will be so filled with hatred for each other that the whole world will become a frenzy. Alternatively, the show can create World Peace if it becomes a Brown Note in the other direction; namely, if anyone who watches it will suddenly be filled with a strong sense of love and mutual respect for fellow nations.

Chuck Norris is really a normal human being
He has black belts in several martial arts, but he is really just a person like you and me.

The next season of Sherlock will begin with both Sherlock and John having married women during the hiatus.
And not even women who have already been introduced and given character development! This will have been a calculated move to spite the Johnlock shippers, the Sherlock/Irene and Sherlock/Molly shippers, and anyone emotionally invested in Sherlock being asexual.

Monster's Inc takes place in the same universe as Brave New World
Its stated that the children are getting harder to scare, humans are losing their emotions in this universe. To get power the monsters will resorte to giving sexual favors for their power instead of comendy routines as the children will soon lose their sense of humor but not their sex drives.

Every charater who does not look like their parents is a result of rape and/or kidnapping.
Genetics say so.

Arthur is set in a world where zoophilla is/was legal
Everybody fucked animals raw and Arthur, Buster, and the gang are the unholy results.

The Creepy Cool Crosses and other Christian symbolism amongst the apocalyptic insanity in Evangelion were not just there for Rule of Cool.
Hideaki Anno is actually a Christian Dominionist/Dispensationalist; NGE was basically the Left Behind series told as a Humongous Mecha story.

On the contrary, the Creepy Cool Crosses and other Christian symbolism amongst the apocalyptic insanity in Evangelion were REALLY just there for Rule of Cool.
In other words, those fans spending time philosophizing about the symbolism and trying to find the encrypted meanings behind them simply wasted massive amounts of their time All for Nothing.

Hidamari Sketch will end with the realization that Yuno was in a coma all along after being hit by the moving truck while moving into the Hidamari Apartments; the series was all just her dreams.
Continuing the Studio Shaft tradition of giving innocent Moe characters downer/bittersweet endings (and following Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei's Mind Screw lead). (Gen Urobuchi corrupted Hidamari creator Ume Aoki while they were working on Madoka.)

Dip affects humans as well

Jehovah's Witnesses, and anyone who has ever encountered or heard them, have a special eternal hell
Being stoned forever by saying Jehova *stoned to death*

Heartless, Nobodies, and Unversed are all sub-species of Tyranids, and have already eaten most of the multiverse.
The Tyranids reproduce by consuming organic matter. Heartless are made when a person's heart is lost to darkness. A Nobody is the body and soul left behind. An Unversed is made of pure negative energy. The Heartless, Nobodies, and Unversed eventually evolved into the Tyranids and consumed all fictional universes excpet Warhammer 40,000, Flatland, and Real Life. The reason hearts are not freed is because either the Tyranids have so much darkness they are instantly re-corrupted or the Warhammer 40,000 universe is so Grim Dark they instantly change back because of the grimdarkness.

My Little Pony, Adventure Time, Hunger Games, 1984 and every other good dystopian/post-apocalyptic/animal inhabited franchise take place in the same universe (with the exception of any possible conflicting franchises, eg. Dredd)
The Giver is in Canada. Eurasia is gearing up for an invasion of Panem (they are Dirty Commies, after all), but after they defeat Eastasia. Oceania is the predecessor of Panem. Ooo is actually Great Britain, Equestria the rest of Europe, Eurasia is in the giant hole of the Earth, and then this fanfic occurs:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8568862/1/Last-Man-Standing(too much craziness going on at once. System reboot).

Real Life doesn't exist at all.
It's all in your imagination.

The upcoming 2012 apocalypse will be caused by the cast of Ansem Retort.
Let's see now...Ansem/Xemnas wants Ansem Retort to get even better ratings, which will make him ever richer - rich enough to buy the allegiance of Governor Zexion. He will pay Zex to have Axel and Darth Maul fly up into space and get him an asteroid, and Axel being Always Chaotic Evil he'll fly the asteroid straight into the surface of the Earth (perhaps in the ocean somewhere, to create massive tidal waves a la Deep Impact.) For those who don't get killed off by the ensuing impact, Ansem will convince Marluxia to roofie-rape Hercules, thus pushing his biggest Berserk Button and making him lay waste to everything in his path. For good measure, afterwards Marly will have his way with Skullfucky, and when Larxene sees this she will be so enraged at the wanton abuse of her favorite toy that she will unleash holy hell on everything and everyone else. And Xemnas will have cloned every human on Earth, placed them into an orbiting space station while the world burns below, and made it so that during the apocalypse all that's on TV is live coverage of the disaster zone on Ansem Retort, which will achieve the impossible (a true sign of the apocalypse!) a 100.0 Nielsen ratings share. And Ansem will rake in the dough, bathe in it, jerk off to it, and finally buy up the entire universe with it...then kill off all the clones, build his own version of the Starship Enterprise, and travel to other inhabited worlds so the whole process can repeat itself over and over and over...into infinity.

  • You may now sink to your knees with despair.

The Incubators are actually the civilization of Monsters, Inc.
Basic concept: Human emotion as high-octane entropy-defying energy source, that also happens to be exploited by Corrupt Corporate Executives who have the good intention of maximizing the extraction of this entropy-free energy lest their civilization or even universe collapses. I'm actually surprised nobody noticed this yet. In Monsters Inc.'s past, children's fears served as this energy. Sure, laughter eventually replaces fear as more powerful, and this caused Monstropolis to enter a technological revolution, but eventually even all the laughter in the world fails to feed the demands of said revolution, like how petroleum is failing to feed our energy demands nowadays. They eventually discover a new and even more efficient and powerful form of emotion-energy that is based on exploiting the boundary between hope and despair....

Koji Kumeta didn't plan the ending of Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei
from the beginning. He stole-I mean adapted it from that of Puella Magi Madoka Magica. The strange coincidences in the OP videos (and Kafuka's absence in group shots) are just that; coincidences.

  • It gets worse. Eventually the tears production will be stopped by a skyrocketing in the girls committing suicides. To prevent this, we hook Moe girls forcefully into AM, where they live in a Real-ish simulation environment, but are also forced to endure eternal emotional torture and cry in pain over and over again, while those who are suicidal are forced to reincarnate and live forever. Also, when they grow up and get too desensitized and cynical to it (ala "witched out"), we use them for a form of reproduction that must not be named, since cloning has the disadvantage of low emotional stimulation. Alternatively, to eradicate the cynicism, we emulate Procedure 110-Montauk and administer to the subjects Class A Amnesiacs after every third or fourth session to prevent desensitization and maintain continual emotional response.
  • This process obviously creates Madoka-style Witches, and the resulting rates of suicide, insanity and homicide among the general public leads world governments to create the Sybil System once Mind Reading is perfected Years Into The Future. The reason why one's Criminality Coefficient jumps up in the presence of a criminal is because Witch Kisses are actually contagious (much like how actual kisses can spread germs and bacteria).
  • Alternatively, the Moe Tears Extraction System propels humanity into an age of technological renaissance that assimilates us into The Singularity and heralds our evolution into Incubators. The world of Madoka Magica takes place in the distant future populated by Human Aliens that we manipulated to resemble our miserable history in order to harvest more miserable Moe Girls.

Dexter's homicidal tendencies are Harry's fault
Young Dexter was never actually a budding homicidal maniac - he was a seriously traumatized child who also had a form of OCD that's characterized by intrusive violent thoughts, rather than physical rituals. Harry grossly misinterpreted this and made matters worse by teaching him to be a vigilante killer.

God has also enacted Time Travel Exemption Acts for the following...
9/11, John Lennon's assassination, France's defeat at Dien Bien Phu, the Kennedy assassination, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Russia's defeat in the Russo-Japanese War, the rise of the Bolsheviks in the Russian Civil War, the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte, the arrival of the BlackDeath, the rises of Caligula and Nero, the fall of The Roman Empire, the fall of The Roman Republic, the fall of Ancient Egypt, the fall of Carthage, the destruction of the Solomon's Temple, the destruction of Neanderthals and the "Hobbits" in Indonesia, Amy the cat getting hit by a car, and the careers of Justin Bieber, Adam Sandler, Uwe Boll and Brett Ratner.

Heaven and the afterlife are real
But only the non-believers get in. Anyone who thinks there is even the slightest chance of life after death is doomed to an eternity of nothing. Why is this bad then? Because 1) believers want to live forever, but are doomed to The Nothing After Death, while 2) atheists know that living forever is one of the most horrifying and nightmarish scenarios ever, but are still doomed to live forever. In the end, it's Hell for both.
  • Atheists don't (usually) believe an afterlife is a horrifying or nightmarish scenario, they just don't think it exists.

If Ambition Is Evil, then merely thinking of self-improvement will be an Easy Road to Hell, literally.

All of Gen Urobuchi's works are just more of Ted's hallucinations in I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.
When the characters get so much as a Bittersweet Ending, that's just the last of Ted's mind crumbling into dust or him finally being unable to survive the mental stress and succumbing.
  • The scene of the chatroom icons going amok in [1] is one more reminder by AM of Ted's fate.
  • Seriously, it took this long for people to work out that Urobutcher is AM?

Red Green is based on the real-life serial killer, Ed Gein.
  • The names sound almost identical; 'Red Green' is just 'Ed Gein' with some R sounds added.
  • Red's flannel clothes and hat could be based in some way on Ed Gein's iconic flannel hat; likewise, Red's fanatical love of duct tape could be a subtle hint.
  • Like Red, Gein lived the backwoods and fancied himself a handyman, but was bookish and effeminate as a child, and is implied to have been targeted by bullies.
  • The show has many characters that are spoken of but never seen, including Red's wife Bernice. This could have been inspired by Gein's habit of hoarding corpses, including that of hardware store owner Bernice Worden (hers was the only murder for which he was successfully convicted); the classic film Psycho is notably inspired by Gein's crimes, and has a plot twist that makes a very similar association.
  • Red hired his nephew Harold out of guilt, because he has a debt to his brother (another unseen character) that he cannot possibly repay; this could refer to Ed's brother who supposedly perished in a brush fire, but is believed to have been strangled to death by Gein. Harold could also represent the unnamed youth whose parents were close friends of Gein's (making him a de facto nephew of sorts to Gein), to whom Ed revealed his collection of human skin masks.

In Halo 5, Cortana will come back to life... as a Promethean Knight.
Spartan Ops has revealed that the victims of the Composer are sent to Requiem's datastream, where they get turned into Prometheans. Quite a few people are saying that Cortana survived much the same way, and can be brought back. So, what if her consciousness gets transferred into a Promethean, she remains rampant from both her lifespan and the Composer, and the Chief is forced to Mercy Kill her?

Everything quoted on Fundies Say the Darndest Things is true.
The commenters, as well as everyone else intelligent enough not to be persuaded by the quotes' stupidity, are going to hell. Furthermore, The Spanish Inquisition, Nazi Germany and the antebellum South were the only God-approved governments in history.

The guy who was on the beach in the first scene of Jaws was jerking off in the dark.
The fact that he keeps saying "I'm coming" while clearly out of breath doesn't help. And, to make matters worse, this is right when Chrissie was becoming the shark's first victim. Does that mean the guy has some kind of super-creepy nightmare fetish involving either blood, sharks, or death?

Puella Magi Madoka Magica takes place in a universe controlled by Haruhi Suzumiya.
Variations on this WMG have come up before (e.g. on Grand Unifying Guesses), but what no one else has touched on is that when Haruhi created her own universe, she sped up the rate of entropy, similar to how appliance manufacturers supposedly design early obsolescence into their products, so you have to buy a new computer/TV/coffee maker/iphone/whatever every five or so years instead of every 20-30 years like it used to be. (The old "Maytag Man" probably has a lot more business these days; you could call Incubators universal Maytag Men.)

She may have done this just for her interests to watch the hapless denizens of her universe struggling and suffering to solve the entropy problem, or maybe she did it for the same reason manufacturers supposedly build obsolescence into their products...so that something can purchase a new, "upgraded" universe every 6 billion years or so instead of every 20 billion.

And of course, who can forget the Endless Recursion Of Suffering suffered by the SOS Brigade suffering under Haruhi's celestial boot? There's Mikuru who is tortured and bullied by Haruhi for being Moe (like how the Moe factor of Puella Magi Madoka Magica is enhanced by its Crapsack World Of Woobie status). Of course, Homura and Yuki (both not-so-stoics who are also the most tortured sufferers of the hellish, Sisyphean Endless Recursion of Time, and are conscious about all of it) must be related. There's Kyon who tries to bear the brunt of Haruhi's wrath ala Jesus Christ.

We can even theorize that the being known as Haruhi Suzumiya, as the creator of this system, is the First and most powerful Witch, complete with Barriers, Mazes, Labyrinths (Closed Spaces and existence itself) and Familiars (the Celestials, with the SOS Brigade and the Incubators acting as enslaved pseudo-familiars to enforce her will). This Witch is so powerful as to become The Omnipotent, with Madokami as nothing before the power of Haruhi. And of course, the fundamental ingredient for mutating a Magical Girl or God into a Witch is melancholy, another name for grief or depression, and according to the title what does Haruhi have? Melancholy. So LOGICALLY....
  • "But the Haruhi hardened Incubators' hearts, that they hearkened not unto the weeping and wailing of Puella Magi; as the Haruhi had spoken unto Kyon."
  • Actually, Haruhi was never a Witch. She's responsible for the whole mess because she remade the universe that way either for amusement or some deal with a Lovecraftian outer god out of her conscious, unaltered free will rather than a Witch's infinite rage, thus making Haruhiahweh much more of a complete monster and this Tree much more poisonous.

Party Rock is actually in your house tonight.
And it's standing right behind you.

Ferris Bueller doesn’t exist. He’s just a manifestation of Cameron’s rebellious Id.

Cameron is the younger “Jake”: Ferris Bueller is the younger Tyler Durden.

Chandler works for the C.I.A.
That’s why none of the other friends know what his job is, and why everyone at his office party was so weird.

Chandler works for the SCP Foundation.

They're picking up Joey… sorry SCP 1337… at the end of the week. End of next week at the latest.

Chandler works for the agency in The Cabin in the Woods... and he’s assembling a sacrifice.

Rachel is the Whore, Joey is the Athlete, Phoebe is the Fool, Ross the Scholar, and Monica the virgin. We work with what we have.

Rule Of...Four. Also, considering the first WMG on this page (that various Earth governments know about Kyubey and friends), this could go hand in hand with the CIA theory.

The dinosaurs really did go extinct because you touch yourself at night.
And every time you masturbate, God kills another endangered species. Especially the ones in the Amazon and other remote regions that we'll never know about now. You Bastard.
  • It's all about Equivalent Exchange and The Multiverse. Because every sperm is sacred and a guy by masturbating is killing off billions of potential humans, God has to remove an equivalent number of animals in our era and ones before. And ladies, you're not off the hook either...when you masturbate, you're obviously not "in the mood" afterwards; thus cancelling out a potential human life. And your periods are obviously almost as destructive as male masturbation. And let's not even start on homosexuality (unless you're a lesbian and take a sperm donation) or asexuality. Think of the anime Bokurano as an example.

Despite the warnings above, people will still try to masturbate and be encouraged to do it specifically because of said warnings.
Yup, because performing a holocaust every now and then feels good. Also, eugenics (i.e. masturbation and mass pornography prevent the inferior races such as gays, otakus and the poor from reproducing while their inferior sperms die en masse. Hitler would be proud).

Every single universe which have No Conservation of Energy actually harvest their energy from the sacred souls of the billions of forsaken sperm exterminated by our incessant masturbation mentioned earlier, along with the endangered species God exterminated everytime you touch yourself.
The mechanism is explained by Fullmetal Alchemist, where the entropy-violating energy to perform Alchemy is obtained from the souls of our dead. Specifically, our dead from the World War eras. Hitler basically is fuelling the alchemical revolution of Amestris. In this theory, said mechanism can apply to any universe simply because any universe which has causality and energy is immediately bound by the divine and absolute law of Equivalent Exchange (as for why Haruhiahweh created Equivalent Exchange and the Laws of Thermodynamics, well because it's more fun that way). We dismiss these other universes as fiction, but the modern loss of laws against fictional pornography is actually a secret conspiracy for these other universes to obtain and harvest the soul-energy of our exterminated forsaken potential children in order for said universes to exist.

The Federation's Matter Replicators and post-scarcity technology, despite their eradication of poverty, have a dark side to it.
Because the Replicators are secretly Powered by a Forsaken Child but kept secret to keep their post-scarcity utopia look nice. The reason is that there's no other way to get around that pesky thermodynamic Equivalent Exchange law that makes replicators completely impossible in real life, unless you find out about how to harness people with telekinetic powers or make a Philosopher's Stone or if you adapted the technology of The Incubators....
  • But, why didn't the Q already find out about it?
    • The Q still let the Kyubey do their thing because they maintain order in secret while the alternative would be heat death of the universe. If Q meddled directly through his near-omnipotent powers, either he would get kicked out of the Continuum (and having his omnipotence stripped away), or it would simply accelerate the entropy and result in Discord.
      • Alternatively, the whole trial and omnipotence things were just jokes for Q to get into Picard's pants. Why haven't Q eradicate the warlike races (e.g. Klingons, Cardassians, Dominion, etc.) if he was really serious on the trials?
    • Alternatively, the Federation does power its starships mostly through an matter-antimatter reaction, but enhanced by Dilithium. The Poison oak is that the Federation forbids the deliberate replication of Dilithium itself exactly because it's made from Philosopher's Stones, which allows their starships to perform equivalent-exchange-defying alchemical feats such as matter replication. And "natural" sources of Dilithium are becoming scarce fast....

From an animal's perspective, Fluttershy is a 1984-like psycho dictator who simply pretends to be nice among ponies. The reason why animals behave around her when she does that stare is because that stare is a way to tell them that they'll be sent to Room 101.

If a "demigod" has wish, Kyubey will come to offer to make a contract. The new contractee will wind up fighting youkai and youma, become a henshin hero, and spend a lot of time in Japan.

Cup Cakes is the reality of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. The Sugar Bowl of the series is just Rainbow Dash's dying dream.

Additionally, Pinkamena Diane Pie is the true Eldritch Abomination who controls the world of My Little Pony. Even Celestia herself is below her in terms of Pinkie's ability to warp reality.

The real reason why Fluttershy is moe, plagued by low self-esteem and way too kind to other animals...
Is because she suffered severe abuse when she was a child, both physically, psychologically and sexually. Maybe the childhood bullying isn't the whole story. Maybe her parents did things so bad that I can't go into any detail (I do consider rape and forced abortion to be possibilities). Whatever her past is, that is the reason why she retreated into extreme shyness and decided to live with only a few animals and her few friends in the world. The reason why she likes animals and her friends so much (to the point that she shows her hidden repressed anger issues, e.g. "You're going to love me!", when anybody dares to look at her animals and friends badly) is because they're the only ones she can ever trust to open herself unto, and therefore are keeping her sane and nice-mannered despite her traumatic childhood. Take away the animals and friends from her, and the Freudian Excuse takes its toll upon her, and she ends up just like Lucy from Elfen Lied. Maybe not as threatening as Pinkamena or insane Twilight, but still.

Rather than a dug based hallucination, Scooby’s ability to talk is a product of Shaggy’s PTSD following his service in the Vietnam war.
Scooby's cowardliness and Scrappy’s belligerence represent Shaggy's own feelings of fear and inadequacy when asked to fit into the hyper-aggressive marine unit he was assigned to, the other guys in the mystery van represent the civi life he left behind, and the ghosts and monsters all turn out to be human because they represent his failed attempts to dehumanize the Viet Ming and the horrific horiffic realisation he has to live with everyday that the people he killed were really people after all.

Take that Hanna Barbera.

  • It could be a combination of both this and drugs (drug abuse was rampant on the battle front).

Scrappy was in Tiger Force.

In Suisei no Gargantia, Amy and her friends earn money on the side as exotic dancers and perhaps prostitutes.
A lot of the guys watching their dance show looked old enough to be their fathers. And one of them seemed to be making certain motions against a pole... One again, 4Chan was right.
  • Their age of consent is 12, BTW. And Dr. Oldham is their pimp.

It seems the sort of out-there thing Topher might like, and just for shits and giggles (emphasis on the latter) he may have implanted bronyism in all the male Actives in the LA Dollhouse, as well as the command to make themselves internet pony-vangelists. Now, when the inevitable "Epitaph" apocalypse comes to pass, that'll mean people can make other people bronies!
  • Or worse...Twihards. See also, the meaningful name of "Twilight Sparkle".
  • Actually, Caligula was the first brony. This was the guy who promoted his horse as consul, aka Prime Minister. Obviously a plot for Equestria's takeover of the Roman Empire, but was foiled by the rest of the Senate.
    • Except Caligula never had access to mind-control technology like Topher. Unless...?
  • And now you may die inside from the sickly sweet sugarpocalypse horror.

Petstuck (Unwanted Free Ugly Troll, Loophole, etc.) is a long-term world domination scheme of Betty Crocker/The Condesce
After securing herself a position of subtle influence on earth under a cover identity, she used advanced Alternian science to bioengineer a cuter offshoot of her own species for Earth's high-end exotic pet trade. Her long-term goal is to establish trolls as Beneath Suspicion, and then have specially trained and indoctrinated wrigglers given to the households of the wealthy and powerful to act as her covert agents. So what if thousands of her own species are deprived of basic rights in the meantime?

While Equestria seems to be sugar bowl at first, it's actually a Crapsaccharine World that provides tasty entropy-defying Magical Emotional Energy for Incubators to harvest. Besides, Homura keeps sabotaging the Human Resources sector, and when the Incubators found an alternative, more powerful and more cute source of Energy, it was an opportunity for Profit and they can finally start a new campaign of extraction and creation of Forsaken Foals. Maybe we will forge a megacorporate conglomeration with the Incubators to screw the Ponies for all their tears' worth because we're running out of oil while the more "humane" (or perhaps "equane") nuclear power/solar power/dyson spheres/dilithium-regulated antimatter warp cores suck in comparison and will never satisfy our accelerating energy crisis (see also: Incubators are real and governments knew it).

The happiness, friendship, magic and harmony generated by Equestria act like wishes, and by the Universal Thermodynamic Law of Equivalent Exchange and its partner the Second Thermodynamic Law of accelerating Entropy, fated sooner or later, with additional Incubator manipulation, to generate an equal amount of suffering, Break the Cutie moments and despair. "Hope and despair balance out to zero." It's like how in Goethe's Faust, should the Faust ever reach the highest state of happiness possible he will die and be consigned to eternal damnation in Hell, and how in Madoka Magica, Mami thinks "It's the first time I've been this happy while fighting" and very shortly afterwards she dies. Messily.

Fluttershy (Madoka, because of her self-sacrificial tendencies, low self-esteem, vulnerability to trauma, and a Moe-blob Nice Girl personality that would arouse Haruhi's sadistic love for Rape The Cutie) and Twilight Sparkle (Doctor Faustus, because of her obsession for knowledge) seem to be perfect targets for Incubator contracts. Twilight possesses a lot of Magical Potential yet also highly vulnerable to insanity and despair, with how she is a perfectionist who is consumed by desperation if she dares to commit the Thought Crime of thinking about failing Celestia ("Lesson Zero", with Twilight's morbid fear of "Magic Kindergarten") or failing her friends. There are, of course, lesser candidates. Rarity shall collapse into a Classic Greek Tragedy since her Fatal Flaws are Greed (despite her supposed title "Element of Generosity", she still likes a lot of gems and Discord exploits it), Envy (of Fluttershy's beauty and elegance, from the episode "Green Isn't Your Color") a little bit of Pride (her snobbish behaviour) and Ambition (to be an aristocrat and one of the most famous fashionistas in all of Equestria). The Incubators shall exploit Rainbow Dash's loyalties strained and torn, combined with her recklessness and desire to be with the Wonderbolts, just like what happened to Sayaka. For Pinkamena Diane Pie, once the "Party of One" incident repeats itself or she acquires incurable diabetes from her Cupcakes-based diet, the Incubators will take note. Apple Bloom's desperate purpose in life to obtain a Cutie Mark will be exploited by Incubators and result in horror for the rest of her Apple family once the truth is revealed, just like what happened to Kyoko's family.

Their loyalties and friendships will be twisted and played by the Incubators like a Stradivarius. Even the Elements of Harmony and their Friendship lessons would do negligible help to escape from such Tragic fates determined and supported by the higher laws of thermodynamics. Unless Madokami decides to return from non-existence and redeem the Ponies from their trauma in an ending reminiscent of Goethe's Faust. But then again, the Incubators' Jedi Rules Lawyers would point out that when Madokami made that one wish that led to her non-existence/ascension, she only said that "witches" should not exist, and she envisioned of her wish as applying only to witches created from human Puella Magi. Therefore, Madokami will remain behind the scenes, and Homura can't get the Ponies out of being screwed by the Incubators.

Of course, I just wrote this senseless tragedy-for-the-sake-of-tragedy instant-grimdark-just-add-Kyubey WMG because both MLP:FiM and the Pony POV Series remind me of Madoka Magica so much (for example, in the Pony POV Series, Nightmare Whisper/Princess Gaia/the Nightmare form of Fluttershy is basically Kriemhild Gretchen, the "witch of salvation, whose nature is mercy, and absorbs any life on the planet into her newly created heaven—her barrier"), but then again, what do you expect when the creator of this series is named after the legend that popularized the "deal with the devil" genre and inspired Puella Magi Madoka Magica?
  • Furthermore, Princess Celestia is already a Puella Magi in secret, who once signed a contract with the Incubators to grant her the power of the three pony races, defeat Discord (a manifestation of Chaos, also known as Entropy, and his Chaotic version of Equestria looks like something straight out of a Witch's labyrinth) and to let Equestria enter an enlightened age of civilization and harmony, with her little Ponies as the dominant sapient species ruling over nature instead of remaining as naked and grazing in grasslands while eaten by predators. After all, the Incubators offer science, civilization and progress to the very species they enslave. Celestia became Eve to the Incubators' Tree of Knowledge. However, now despite her immortality and Puella Magi-enabled Alicorn powers, she desperately needs her regular dosages of Friendship lessons in order to delay herself from facing the consequences of her wish and mutating into a complete Nightmare Witch irreversibly forever. Oh, and the Elements of Harmony were once Soul Gems (probably from early Puella Magi who sacrificed themselves) or made from those or work like Grief Seeds, possibly to explain their one-time limited ability to purge Princess Luna before her Nightmare Moon grief can become completely irreversible Witchification (Luckily, Celestia put her in stasis on the Moon and gamble on the Elements of Harmony to do that one-time ability before it happens).

Additional Kyubey-wank: Every Magical Girl ever in every hopeful idealistic universe ever will fall to Despair and become a Witch
I mean every Magical Girl ever in every hopeful idealistic universe ever. If the reasoning is that "Magical Girl" is the logical name for a larva that will grow up to be a magical woman, i.e. witch, every female out there with a transformation sequence and/or who uses jewelry is doomed. Usagi? They're still trying to figure out how to give her grief. (And her Soul Gem is in the tiara, while the Sailor Senshi's Soul Gems are obviously their Sailor Crystals.) Ahiru? We will one day see a witch with duck wings and a ballet-themed lair. (Her contract was with Drosselmeyer, not Kyubey.) The girls of the Western takeoff W.I.T.C.H.? Look at the title, my friends.
  • And this is because...

Every time a Magical Girl dies, cries, descends to Despair Event Horizon, goes to Hell, sacrifices herself, gets raped (especially by an Eldritch Abomination), suffers a Fate Worse than Death such as And I Must Scream, is included in a hentai doujinshi fanfic or Ryona game, or et cetera, Urobuchi gains "energy", Haruhiahweh and her sadistic love for Moe tropes are appeased, and both decide that preserving the Omniverse and Reality is entertaining and worth it.

Please, think of the meguca...

In an alternate universe, Tesco becomes extremely rich due to selling delicious horsemeat. It will ascend as a space-wide Mega Corp. ala Buy n'Large, and invade Equestria.
Mere magic and friendship cannot hope to stop the superior advanced technology and insatiable hunger and greed of Humanity. Also because Ponies make the strongest glue, able to bind anything to anything and withstand the harsh conditions of FTL travel. Of course, it will be like Avatar, with Brony hippies trying to help Equestria defend against the corporate conquistador Space Marines. And of course, unlike Avatar, the Bronies will die.

Homestuck is actually a Shaggy Dog Story.
At the end, there will be an epic 30-minute long flash animation in which every single character battles Lord English. The animation ends with every character except John Egbert Deader than Dead. Lord English has been severely wounded by the battle and John moves in for the final blow. End of animation. You click on the "next page" button, which shows John's hammer just about to land the finishing strike. Next panel is the same thing, but with a Windows 98 style error box reading "SBURB.exe has encountered a fatal error and must now shut down". The final panel is John sitting in front of his computer screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

The girls from Puella Magi Madoka Magica are the characters from the Evillous Chronicles reincarnated.
Sayaka is Margarita Blankenheim, as can be seen by her blue color scheme and how she goes Ax-Crazy when her boyfriend cheats on her. Not to mention, Hitomi looks an awful lot like one of the girls Margarita's husband was with. Kyoko is Banica Conchita, for obvious reasons. Charlotte is Riliane. Riliane did like sweet things, not to mention that she beheaded people a lot.... Madoka is Allen, seeing as they both are a Messianic Archetype. Homura's Undying Loyalty to Madoka makes her possibly Gallerian Marlon, and Kyubey is obviously Irina Clockworker. And I have no idea who the hell Mami is either.

Jessie and James in Team Rocket are brother and sister, sharing a Lannister-style relationship
Meowth is Tyrion.

The sofabed on Sam & Cat is a Hellmouth.
Related to this, Nonna is a (really elderly) Potential, and when she sleepwalks in the pilot, she's just instinctively trying to keep the bad stuff out.

The song Uninstall was scripted by Master.
Master had a serious crush on Kaito, and forced him to kill his friends, telling Master about his (non-existent) love. When Miku is talking with Kaito, who looks serious, he's knowing he has to kill her soon. Meiko, Miku, Rin, and Len didn't notice, and Kaito has to watch as he is forced to kill all his friends, including his love(whoever you think that is). Now try to listen to that song without crying.
  • The song actually originated with Bokurano, not Vocaloid. Of course, Bokurano is about teenagers being forced to commit suicide plus murder and/or genocide, so this doesn't exactly make it less horrifying...

The Nostalgia Critic never merged with the Plot Hole at the end of To Boldly Flee
He just finally killed himself because of his deep depression.

The SCP Foundation are involved in human trafficking.
Where do you think all those D-Class came from? They probably use Protocol 12 a lot more often than implied, seeing as how their standard termination procedures will run them out of death row convicts quickly. Especially if the SCP in question requires children, like SCP-204.

This can go either way — knowing the Foundation, there's nothing ruling out the possibility of systematically raping D-Class to breed babies and use them for their "experiments". Or if there's no use for them, simply selling them to the mobsters they do business with, making a handsome profit on the side.

All time travel follows Futurama rules, as seen in the episode "The Late Philip J. Fry".
That is, it's all only one-way, forward. So when they go "backwards", they actually go forwards past the Big Crunch into another future reborn universe, and vanish into thin air from their original universe, much to the distress of their family and friends. (In other words, in the original timeline of Back to the Future where Marty first departed to 1955, perhaps to this day (2013) in Hill Valley you can still find "Have You Seen Me?" posters featuring Marty.) And when they arrive into the other universe the original "time clone" who was them in that other universe dies instantly, as per Equivalent Exchange.
  • And what of media in which people change the future by going into the past? Perhaps it has something to do with mass conservation of energy (since all universes are remade over and over again from the same material)...but just trying to wrap your head around it all is why this is another Poison Oak Tree.
  • The multiverse concept of time travel is effectively this. Worse, perhaps: if a "you" returned home in your original universe, they would probably be a completely different person, and there would be no way to know. The real you, likewise, might return to find identical copies of their friends and family, but would never be able to prove they aren't the same people and could never see the "originals" again.

Classic Disney Shorts (among other Western Animation franchises) show what our world would've been like if Neanderthals and other hominids had survived.
As pointed out in Stand by Me, Pluto is a dog, but so is Goofy. In this universe, some dogs, mice, ducks and cats evolved to a humanlike level, but others remained mostly at the level of "normal" animals. (A normal mouse appears in the Mickey Mouse cartoon The Worm Turns, and normal ducks appeared in the background of a Donald Duck comic strip.) Of course, these animals (especially Pluto) still seem to show signs of sentience, though not on the level of Mickey et al. They could be considered the Classic Disneyverse equivalent of Australopithecines or maybe chimpanzees.

The Fridge Horror comes in when you realize that these animals, despite their near-sentience, are still treated at best as pets in the case of Pluto...and at worst as food. For instance, some Donald cartoons make jokes out of roast duck, and Golden Eggs features Donald gathering eggs guarded by a rooster who can speak English. And in some parts of the world, Pluto might also have ended up on a menu. In other words, despite these animals being their direct ancestors and being on the brink of full interaction with them, they're perfectly happy to enslave or eat them. Is this how we would've treated Neanderthals had they survived?
  • It's even worse in the Looney Tunes-verse. Here, various animals are undeniably at the same intelligence level as humans...and yet it's perfectly legal for humans to enslave, hunt and eat them, but not for animals to do the same to humans.

Fox and Fara of Star Fox fame are half-siblings.
This explains why Fara supposedly resembles Fox's mother - Vixy did, at one point, cheat on James with an aspiring entrepreneur (likely while he was away for longer than it would take her to deliver). As she could not admit to the child's existence she left her to the care of her father, however built ties to the Phoenix family - explaining, for instance, why Fara was immediately recognised by Fox (he had seen her before) or why he was chosen, out of exile, to test Mr Phoenix's prototype Arwing fighters.
Eventually, however, Fox and Fara discovered their family status - likely by a time at which point they already had a more intimate relationship. Disgusted by the unwitting Brother-Sister Incest they agreed to part ways. Canon Welding results in this occurence: Fox McCloud eventually arrives on Sauria, without a girlfriend, and leaves the planet with one that looks highly different from his mother.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica was meant to be a critical Deconstruction of the otaku lifestyle, like Neon Genesis Evangelion before it.
And if you like Madoka, Gen Urobuchi hates you. You may have read this infamous essay about Hideaki Anno's intent for making Evangelion. Well, Urobuchi also has the same opinions about otakudom. (Certainly his recent Suisei no Gargantia outlines what he thinks of NEE Ts and hikikomoris, which he stated right in his intro to the anime.)

With Madoka, Gen didn't just want to retell the story of Faust with Magical Girls, he wanted to smack otakus in the face. He showed how how becoming an adolescent superhero would be pretty terrifying when you have to actually fight Lovecraftian Horrors all the time forever. Timid yet good-hearted Madoka is not supposed to actually "be" you, in a sense. She's actually the ideal selfless Moe Messianic Archetype Goddess we all worship and masturbate on. Homura is YOU; The emotionally stunted monomaniac who's so emotionally dependent upon her pink-haired Moe-ssiah waifu that she'd rather "just run away" back in time from all the suffering around her, rather than accept her new reality, and then covers up her true geeky, incompetent self with a fake badass Mary Sue air, ala Self-Insert Fan Fic.

Also, remember how these moe cuties are actually undead and had to feed off each others' souls to survive? That concept was supposed to be deconstructionist parallel to moe archetype Rei Ayanami's reality; how Anno wanted to point out how a completely submissive girl with absolute zero self-worth should be somewhat creepy in real life, not cute. And how Madoka technically doesn't exist anymore at the end? That's Urobuchi trying to bring the message home that no, your 2D waifus aren't real. Try to find a "3DPD".

Of course, like with Evangelion, the impact completely backfired and the "Megucas" all became moe cultural icons, yielding plenty of kid-and-otaku-friendly merchandise (as well as...less kid-friendly stuff, much like how the Magical Girl genre in general acquired a Fetish Fuel stereotype), including some rather questionable materials (Charlotte inner tubes and Soul Gem bubble bath packs, anyone?). But what really pissed off Gen was how all the suffering became what people liked the most about the series, like sadistic Torture Porn Ryona fetishists and Tragedy fans, as well as people hailing him as "the Prince of DARKNESS" and the like.

So...first he co-wrote Suisei no Gargantia. Reviews have mostly been well below those of Madoka (in about the 7-8/10 range, with 7 being about the average rating on My Anime List, for example). It had a rather cobbled-together, less-than-coherent storyline, which makes sense since five different people actually wrote the episodes besides him. (Gen wrote the first and last episodes and served as "script consultant" for the rest.) On top of that, its main plot twist was perhaps a bit too similar to that of Madoka ("The monsters were PEOPLE!!!") His reputation on anime sites such as My Anime List was nigh-indestructible immediately after Madoka; 2.5 years later, either because of Gargantia or just because of the time past, his ratings have gone down somewhat.

And as mentioned in that Evangelion essay, End (and perhaps Evangelion 3.0) was basically Anno taking the anger over the TV show's somewhat positive ending and him saying, "Oh, you want more emotional torture porn tragedy ryona? I'VE GOT YOUR EMOTIONAL TORTURE PORN TRAGEDY RYONA RIGHT HERE!!!" Madoka Movie 3 will be Gen saying and doing the same thing. The whole point of Gargantia's happy ending was for us to let our guards down and think, "Oh, he's changed. He took up meditation or maybe some happy pills. We don't have to fear his casts being killed off anymore." Gen Urobuchi also hates you. Whether improbably uplifting or soul-crushingly depressing, Movie 3 will be destined to generate in at least part of the fanbase the reaction: "How disgusting." And whaddaya know, Gen himself cryptically says that the movie "may divide the fans".

  • This makes far too much sense to be an epileptic tree.

Every character from everything ever made ever has autism.
Because since it's on every other WMG ever, why not put it on here? Yes, all characters because it is completely legit and the person writing this guess obviously has the credentials to say whether or not a character has autism. Twilight, Spongebob, Light, L, Rei, Buffy, and some other character from something else.

Madoka doomed the universe.
Those "cubes" in the new world aren't nearly enough to stop universal entropy, as Kyubey itself hinted. That last scene in the anime, with Homura alone in a desert? That was some 5 billion years from now, with the dying sun about to swallow up the Earth.

Whether using forsaken children or curse extract, universal entropy is just too strong for the Incubators to stop.
All that horror, however well-intentioned, was for naught in the end. This would dovetail well with one of many possible Aesops for this show: sometimes bad things happen beyond our control, and trying to solve them just makes things worse. This applies to Homura and Kyubey. Not So Different, eh Homu?

All Poison Oak Epileptic Trees will eventually lead to Puella Magi Madoka Magica. And Madoka's eternal torture and rape for our sins and Heresy.
Aside from from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, It's the most referenced work on this page by a considerable margin, and always with tragedy and rape and metaphorically crucifying Madoka who shall be sacrificed and cry forever and ever for our HERESY. Soon, in Real Life there shall be a Catholic-esque Religion where denying Madoka's suffering in thought or word is HERESY (*Blam*). Those other series you had Epileptic Trees for? They can wait. Who says the Urobutcher wants you to stop? note 
  • And the fact that Psycho-Pass and Suisei no Gargantia are also getting continuations will only increase the exponents due to awkward creator crossovers. "One link to join it all again", indeed.

Once the above comes true, this entire page will serve as a sort of tip sheet for Time Lords from the future.
All the Poison Oak Epileptic Trees will happen, and the world will break for a hundred thousand years as Madoka is tortured forever and ever. After the End, when the Time Lords (and the Daleks who would have perceived Madoka's eternal torture as fucking evil even by their own genocidal standards that would have made the Daleks themselves infinitely merciful in comparison), decide to rebel, the laundry list of Trees will be the guide to all things that must be prevented. Once the roots of the Trees are determined, the time-traveler's mission is this: ensure that they are annihilated. No Rule 34 twisteries of any kind, no constant references to Madoka Magica, FIM, etc., nothing to require an infinitely long Brain Bleach bath to purge from one's mind...it sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?
  • And, sadly, it probably is.
  • No, because those Time Lords and Daleks will be Exterminatused for HERESY.

The Westboro Baptist Church was right all along and we are all doomed to be burned in Hell.

The truth behind the Tumblr Mishapocalypse
Some Tumblr users say it happened, some say it didn't. The truth is that both are correct. April 1, 2013 was the true day of the Apocalypse, rather than December 21, 2012. Through Tumblr users changing their pictures to and sharing pictures of Misha Collins, the entire universe was reset at the end of the world. Every human's memories of the day were wiped...except for those who participated in the Mishapocalypse, who gained Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory.

It's not just a cliche. It's inevitable the minute you arrive. Resign yourself to the fact.

The Hokey Pokey is what it's all about.
The song tried to warn you. It's right there in the lyrics...

We're already all omnipotent beings, but not in our universe.
Every time we think of something, an universe is created where it happens. Every time someone makes a movie, a book, or other kind of fiction - a universe is born where it happens. It's all real. It's all real because of us. We're only alive because we haven't realized this yet. Not on full scale. We're protected from all the other omnipotent beings until... we break through to another universe. Until then...

Barney Stinson is a hitman.
Throughout the whole series, neither we nor Ted have any idea what Barney does for a living. All we know is that he makes a lot more money than one would expect, and that the company he works for is highly corrupt, allied with North Korea, and everybody else who works there has no morals whatsoever. Barney himself has also hinted that he has committed serious crimes in the past, including selling a woman into sexual slavery, so you never know...

Renge will grow up to become a serial killer.
This is an expansion of a standard WMG for this series, in that her supposed big sister Kazuho is actually her mother. Notorious serial killer Ted Bundy was raised the exact same way; his mother gave birth young and illegitimately, and his grandparents claimed they were his parents. Renge also seems to exhibit some behaviors which usually seem cute but veer off into slight creepiness (e.g. her song about a doctor in despair, and the other one about grooming the rabbits...and adding some dynamite).

French Fries has prior experience working in the state home for the ugly
Prior to the Dino Attack, French Fries had a job running one of many districts of the state home for the ugly, which specializes in the genocide of ugly people. It was in this line of work he developed a particular distrust of ugly people due to an encounter with some Garbage Pail Kids. This is why he reacted to Pterisa with such hatred, because of massive paranoia that sprung from his own experiences with Garbage Pail Kids. It makes perfects sense!
  • This makes... too much sense. It also explains why French Fries is so messed up in the head; anyone would be that screwed up if they ever met the Garbage Pail Kids!
    • Admittedly, this does bring up some rather unpleasant Fridge Horror, since it implies that the Garbage Pail Kids actually exist in the DARPG universe.

We have seen dead people appear in the Black Lodge, with Laura Palmer implied to exist there on some level. It also explains the very bizarre and otherworldly nature of the place. However, as it happens for whatever reason the Little Man From Another Place is away and left a relative in the form of a strange perverted man with no pants to look after it in his absence. This means that the reality within was somewhat warped to the likings of this man, simply known as the Owner of the Hotel, creating a strange alternate dimension.

On top of that, nearly everyone who was Killed Off for Real or suffered from Chuck Cunningham Syndrome ended up in the Black Lodge.
  • The real reason we never saw Spy after his supposed death is because he is currently trapped in The Black Lodge. He somehow entered it by mistake or was pulled in while trying to sneak away from Ata's massacre of Heavy, Scout, and Soldier, and he is working with Special Agent Dale Cooper to try and find a way out; just so long as his body isn't possessed by BOB...
  • After his creative spark was launched at the Darkitect, Rex became trapped in Twin Peaks The Black Lodge. He is currently trapped in the lodge with Spy and Agent Cooper. Unfortunately, he knows that his chances of getting out of the lodge are very slim, as his creative spark is now in the hands of the Man from Another Place.
  • Kotua and Databoard went to The Black Lodge. What? It explains why they simply vanished off the planet without a single trace or even the faintest clue as to what happened. Somehow Kotua and Databoard entered the Black Lodge, and the reason nothing has been heard from them since is because they're still trapped there.
  • Axle is trapped in The Black Lodge. We have no idea what happened to him at all. At one point he was a prominent figure in the game and then he vanished.
  • The old Atton Rand is trapped in The Black Lodge. Clearly, the only reason John Alexander Hitchcock has been adding so much WMG to this page all centered around an obscure reference that nobody gets is because he is actually sending out a plea for help. By drawing enough attention to the Black Lodge, he hopes that someone will investigate and, eventually, discover that the Black Lodge is real. And the old Atton Rand - the silly one, the one who had Zenna as his primary character, the one who was willing to forgo realism in favor of having fun - is actually trapped in the Black Lodge and has been trying to escape. This explains why Atton Rand had such a sudden shift in personality towards the end of the original Dino Attack RPG, since that is thei point where he entered the Black Lodge. Everything since then (including but not limited to Rotor, Trigger, the Star Wars hate, the Lovecraft obsession, and more) has been Atton Rand's attempts at getting our attention so that someone can rescue him, and since we clearly haven't gotten the message, he has had no other choice but to spam this WMG page with constant annoying references to the Black Lodge until we're more sick of it than we were of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Captain Ersatz squad, forcing us to investigate and, eventually, rescue him from the Black Lodge.

Sarah Bishop was the product of incest
It's a very disturbing subject and casts this character in a more negative light, but it does explain how her father served in World War I and yet she's only in her early forties (putting her earliest likely birthdate at 1970, if her father was in his 20's at the time of the war, this would make him roughly his late sixties or early seventies). One somewhat plausible explanation could involve Roy marrying and having another daughter at a more reasonable age, possibly somewhere in the 1920's or 30's. At some later point around 1970, he began to lose his mind and ended up sexually assaulting his own daughter, who became pregnant and gave birth to Sarah and Wallace Bishop (or alternately, Wallace Bishop was her son before this incident). However, wanting to preserve some dignity she never actually told her children this. It might also explain some of Sarah Bishop's mental issues.

Madoka Kaname never existed.
No, not in that way. Madoka never existed at all outside of Homura's head. She was just the imaginary friend, the ideal Moe Messianic Archetype, of a Magical Girl fan who, despite being beautiful and intelligent, was a Shrinking Violet who suffered from severe Clinical Depression, bullied, teased and ostracised by her classmates as a pathetic nerd, while resented, abused and humbled by her own parents for being such a pathetic failure who did not conform to their ideals of "perfection". Because of her depression, she found escape in the Moe and Magical Girl genres, where she found most of her ideals of the Moe Messianic Archetype that she so desperately needed in order to have a reason to live. This Moe Archetype would be constructed into her mind as the entity, Madoka. In her tears, she broke down into herself, imagining a world where she can control time itself like God can, while worshipping her imaginary friend, Madoka, as her one and only Moe-ssiah in such a Crapsack World.

Finally, (inspired by this doujin), Homura made a doll of Madoka (The doll who would soon be Charlotte). She always brought her doll of Madoka with her, as it was her only console in life to be able to smile. However, her oppressors took notice, and snatched the Madoka doll away from her. She begged to do anything just to have her precious Madoka back, but, bullies being bullies, tore it apart. Like Lucy from Elfen Lied, this ultimately provoked her from being a Shrinking Violet into a violent attempt to get back against them, but they eventually subdued her, and the Alpha Bitch in charge ordered them to "teach her a lesson". Utterly and completely humilated in front of everybody else, the crying Homura attempted suicide numerous times, but there was always a soothing voice that was stopping her from doing so. The voice, Homura thought, was that of Madoka.

This finally completed her descent into delusion and schizophrenia, obsessed with what she saw as her one and only Messiah, Madoka. Her three friends, Mami, Kyoko and Sayaka, at first tried to reach out and provide support, but when her interactions with them grew more and more erratic, delusional and violent, they eventually started moving away from her, and she in turn grew colder towards them. After she became murderously violent towards school staff and everybody else, claiming she wanted to keep "Madoka" safe, she was eventually placed in a state asylum. Junko and Tomohisa are her two main attending physicians (as a single working mother, Junko occasionally has to bring along her toddler son), and Kyubey is her psychiatrist.

Her teachers back in her former school lament her loss, especially since, despite her erratic behavior, she had a high intelligence and seemed to be showing much aptitude as an artist, creating elaborate Warholesque collage pastiches. While most institutions encourage their charges to express themselves through arts and crafts, all access to art supplies have unfortunately been denied to Homura, as several of her pictures feature her violently torturing and murdering "Kyubey".

And for the records, "Madoka"'s image was inspired by the classic magical girl Magical Princess Minky Momo, possibly including Momo's tragic death.

Buckethead is actually the 8st Doctor.
Do you not see the clear proof here!? It's obvious he traveled back in time to 2004 to go to 2008 to play guitar without picking the strings and stuff. Also, his song Jordan was used in Guitar Hero in 2006 but the song actually released in Praxis as Vertebrae in 2004! Which means he went back in time two years to remake the song to release for Guitar Hero. Plus, how can one man pick and finger that fast? 15.42 notes per second? It's obvious he's slowing down time to make it seem like he's picking that fast. And his side project, Death Cube K, is obviously just noises he took from the ambience of space! So that proves it because of reasons.

Despite Hasbro owning Wizards of the Coast, we will NEVER get the My Little Pony Friendshipis Magic/ Magic: The Gathering or Dungeons & Dragons crossover we’ve all secretly been hoping for. So stop copy pasting Celestia's image into the angel cards of your white deck and put all hopes of that Alicorn prestige class to death.

  • “I felt a greet disturbance in the internet…It was as if millions of insufferable nerds cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. ..“

Junko Enoshima is/was the mastermind behind all of these events.

Walt Disney really was frozen after his "death". And his preserved head is still the CEO of the company.

Freezer burn may be responsible for some of his more questionable decisions in the past half-century, like all those horrible Direct-to-Video sequels, the Disney Channel's ongoing Network Decay, opening California Adventure as a separate park, and the 4Kids-style translation and localization of their dub of Doraemon. And he still lives on a diet of Cuban boys.

Belldandy and her divine family and friends are actually members of Saya's race.

Keiichi has just been brainwashed all this time. And it is in fact canon that the deities are actually EldritchAbominations who take A Form You Are Comfortable With when dealing with mortals.

Anna and Elsa are the reincarnations of Hansel and Gretel.

"Hansel" could've actually been a girl, after all. And of course both duos have plenty of Incest Subtext going on.

This could be either a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming (in that the twins get a somewhat more pleasant chance at life), or a Poison Tree (in that the two latest Disney Princesses were once...those two).

the Discworld is gradually running out of magic and becoming a dull, boring, prosaic planet just like ours
  • Terry Pratchett is charting the history of a planet that used to run solely on magic. In the beginning there was a vast surfeit of it and nobody thought it was ever going to run out. But just as Earth is running low on oil, the Disc is running out of easily harvested magic. This is kept as a closely-guarded secret by a select few - Vetinari, the Wizards, Margolotta, the Diamond King. But as magical power ebbs, the Wizards are slowly, surely, with little fuss, becoming men of science. (Ponder Stibbons is more technocrat than mage). The Disc is now a place running on steampunk science. Witness the Clacks taking the place of scrying, and the birth of steam railways with nothing overtly magical about them. Dwarf "devices" appear to be things of advanced if lost science, rather than magic. Are we being set up for a time when the magic goes completely? Where dwarves become nothing more than short humans, vampires become merely easily sunburnt humans with prominent teeth, trolls mutate into professional rugby players, and golems become mechanical robots.... the trend across the course of the novels points to something like this; it might alternatively explain why the latest Discworld novels are less satisfying reads than earlier ones.
    • This already must have happened in OUR universe! (Proof: all mythology ever. Especially Irish and Ladinian.)

Either that, or they just hired Kyubey. (Yes, in this case, Kyubey made a contract with SCP.)

Business was a bit slow at one point. There weren't enough Eldritch Abominations lurking around at one point, so they had to generate their own.

With the events of Madoka Magica The Movie Rebellion, however the current situation is resolved, we are all royally screwed either way.

If Godoka has to dispatch Homucifer, despite what the trolls say, she won't take pleasure in it. Rather, it will so upset her that she will finally cross the Despair Event Horizon and turn into something like a universe-wide black hole. And if Homucifer wins...Since Godoka is connected to all magical girls past, present, and future, as well as the Incubators, and exists beyond space-time, if Homucifer destroys her, it will retroactively eliminate even Incubators and bring on instantaneous universal heat death.

Oh well. So long, and thanks for all the cake.

:'(
PirateWMG/TV Tropes WikiPoison Oak Epileptic Trees Archive
Play the Game, Skip the StoryYMMVPolished Port
Play the Game, Skip the StoryYMMV/Home PagePolished Port

alternative title(s): Poison Oak Epileptic Trees
random
TV Tropes by TV Tropes Foundation, LLC is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available from thestaff@tvtropes.org.
Privacy Policy
212386
1