Grand Unifying Guesses Neon Genesis Evangelion
This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
- Follow closely, children: As per the supplementary material provided in the Evangelion videogames, Angels and Humans were both descended or evolved by something known as the "Ancestral Race", a shadowy group of aliens that went around seeding planets capable of supporting life in the Evangelion universe with white or black "moons". White moons contained Adam-like beings and a Lance of Longinus, which could pierce AT Fields, hence granting the "Ancestral Race" a degree of control over said beings. Conversely, black moons contained Lilith-like beings and, again, a Lance of Longinus. Earth was initially seeded with a white moon from which emerged Adam and evolved the Angels. However, a black moon also crash-landed on Earth accidentally, causing Angels and Humans to compete for ecosystemic supremacy. Humanity won (kind of), and, as a result, humanity was given the opportunity to evolve further: Orbs being tossed to the ground, a struggle between two kinds of beings, and then the victorious set of beings are granted a chance to evolve. Sounding disturbingly familiar yet?
- Oh, and on top of that, in the continuity of the Pokemon universe itself, it is heavily implied that Pokemon arrived on the world in which Pokemon is set from space by way of a giant meteor impact.
- Alternatively, the balls used to contain the Pokemon are in reality binders used to suppress the Pokemon's innate power, similar to the Evangelions being fitted with binders to prevent going against Human authority. There is also the possibility that Pokemon were reverse-engineered from Adam and the in-universe equivalent of Angels, since they are physically superior to humans. Mewtwo is one of the closest equivalents to Adam or Eva-01. Of course, since Pokemon was intended for children, the Eldritch Abominations that are the Angels were made Lighter and Softer and turned into Mon.
- Shaman King
- G.I. Joe
- Digimon Tamers
- Star Fox
- Shogo: Mobile Armor Division
- Metal Gear Solid 2
- Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, more specifically Evangelion's equivalent of Reconstruction
- The Anti Spiral King is Shinji (being all emo and against the use of Spiral Power, the energetic form of "gung ho"), Simon and Team Dai-Gurren are descended from Mari (has Spiral Power resp. Gung Ho Energy in FUCKING SPADES), and Nia is a reincarnated Rei. Lordgenome is, of course, Gendo (but, in this one, he DOES contribute to the salvation of mankind).
- Final Fantasy VII
- Code Geass
- They even had an Instrumentality episode.
- From the vast ocean of post-Third Impact Tang, humanity eventually chose to arise and start anew. From the waters of the genetic material of the Gods and Goddesses, Angels, Eva Unit-01, Shinji Ikari, Keel Lorenz, Gendo Ikari, Misato Katsuragi, Rei Ayanami and Asuka Langley, arose The Demiurge, Haruhi Suzumiya.
- As one of the entities who hath descended from the Adam/Lilith/Rei God Herself, Haruhi took on Reality Warper omnipotence, and, unfortunately, a universe-sized ego.
- Haruhi would eventually discover her omnipotence, and destroy and recreate the universe as a Cosmic Horror Story with Herself as Yahweh. Thus, the Fourth Impact.
- Just for the lulz, The Haruhi said: "Let there be Equivalent Exchange". And so behold, thy tremendous Energy shall come from horrendous sacrifice.
- But The Haruhi was bored, and so she said: "Let there be more catastrophic Laws of Thermodynamics." And it was so. By her power was Entropy in the universe accelerated, and she watches the hapless denizens try to solve the "energy crisis". Cabbit-like beings who call themselves the Incubators soon rose to the test.
- Yea, for the Haruhi loveth the tears, souls, innocence and precious bodily fluids of all that is Moe, she made sure that it shall be cute Magical Girls by whose sadness, despair and eternal torture all the Realities are saved.
- The Haruhi hardened Incubators' hearts, that they hearkened not unto the weeping and wailing of Puella Magi; as the Haruhi had spoken unto Kyon.
- The Haruhi saw all that she had made. And it is good.
- Madoka Kaname, The Messiah and descendant of Shinji and the Selfless Goddess Rei, gave a commandment to her beloved moe disciple Homura Akemi, to be 20% cooler.
- And so when Madoka sacrificed herself so that the world may be spared from the wrath of the Night of Walpurgis, Homura made a Selfless Contract to be the Protector instead of the Protected,
- And behold, she was a 20% More Awesome Faustian Badass Time Lord.
- But Haruhi saw that it was good when Homura's heart was Fluttering and Shy, and therefore her transgression roused the Endless Eight Trumpets of the Rampage of Haruhi. Thus to Homura she declared her sentence:
- Thou shalt be damned to Eternal Punishment, to carry the Infinite Cross and Purgatory of the Endless Recursion Of Time;
- Like Yuki Nagato, and the Otaku idiots who fell to the deception of Kyoto Animation, had once remembered in full before thee;
- Cursed is the Continuum of Time and Space for thy sake;
- In sorrow shalt thou be the Fool who spins in Circles of Fate;
- And for every Recursion Of Time, I shall multiply the angst and pain,
- Of thee and of thy beloved Madoka, and of thy Puella Magi kin;
- Thy Tragedy, and all thy struggles, shall consume both thee and Madoka, into terror everlasting;
- For tomorrow, and the days after, shall be the Night of Walpurgis, for the rest of thy life unending;
- Thou shalt be broken back to tears by the Infinite Recursion Of Time,
- As the expy of Rei has been broken by such Eternal Loop Of Time;
- For Moe thou art, and unto Moe shalt thou return.
- And so, by the will of the Haruhi and by the Laws of Thermodynamics, Homura was in bondage to the Groundhog curse, a Prometheus cursed to be tortured and ridiculed by the laughter of the Night of Walpurgis for recursions to come, a Sisyphus forced in eternity to watch all her efforts undone to none.
- Yet Homura falls not to the temptation of absolute despair, and vowed to continue as Madoka's eternal protector, from the influences of Incubator.
- Then was both Madoka and Homura led up into the wilderness to be tempted of the Incubators. And when Homura had struggled for endless eight days and endless eight nights, she was afterward ahungered.
- And the Incubator said unto her, Thou hast the potential to be a Goddess, and so wish this stone that it be made cake.
- And Madoka answered him, saying, It is written, That The Cake is a Lie.
- It was made obvious when the Cake Witch, Charlotte, asked, I will that thou give me by and by in a charger the head of Mami Tomoe the Baptist.
- And she beheaded Mami in the cake labyrinth, just when Mami hath experienced her first happiness in having a friend as Madoka.
- Sayaka and Kyoko screamed in anger against Incubator, when he revealed that the price for all wishes is their soul, and so being meguca is suffering.
- And behold, Sayaka, from her betrayal by her once beloved Kyousuke after she sacrificed her own soul for his salvation, succumbed to Despair and was The Little Mermaid witch, the very abominations of despair that the Puella Magi fought.
- Then the Incubator taketh Madoka up into the holy city, and saith unto her,
- If thou wish for us to not exist, ye humans shall be stuck naked and living in caves, and the Wrath of Haruhi shall bring forth Entropy to make all molecules suffer.
- And so, the needs of the Many outweigh the needs of the Few.
- But if thou be a Goddess, cast thyself down for Sayaka's sake: for it is written, The Gods shall give their Angels charge concerning thee, and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.
- The sacrifice never happened, for that angel Homura killed the Incubator with Za Warudo and Bullet Time.
- While Kyoko sacrificed herself in euthanizing Sayaka, so that they may not die Forever Alone.
- And, behold, Homura breaks down and hugs Madoka in tears, for she loved and protected Madoka with all her heart, and all her soul, and all her mind, even when it means to fail and suffer in a meaningless recursion of time.
- It is revealed, that with the help from the love and sacrifice of Homura under the Endless Recursion Of Time, was the divine potential of Madoka ascendable to the ranks of the Gods.
- But such is why Madoka can also become the Harbinger of Fifth Impact, who shall euthanize all life to end all suffering, once she falls to Incubator.
- Behold, for the Night of Walpurgis has returned, and Homura stretched out her shield, and drew her guns and missiles and explosives and unlimited military armaments, and struck the accursed eldritch abomination that had tormented and mocked her for endless eight days and endless eight nights.
- Then advised Madoka unto her, Put up again thy guns into their place: for only those who shall shoot are those who are prepared to be shot.
- Homura, in thought that Madoka shall sacrifice herself again, cried in despair, in the pain of the infinite curse of Haruhi and drawn to the limits of her endurance. It is written: For Moe thou art, and unto Moe shalt thou return.
- But Madoka apologised, and turning unto them said, Daughters of Mitakihara, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children. For this shall be the time when the Eternal Damnation of the Night of Walpurgis shall come to an end, and all thy efforts shall no longer be in vain.
- But Madoka commendeth her love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Madoka sacrificed herself for us to rewrite all of existence to reduce the Despair and so that Puellae may not descend into the very monsters of despair that they fought, even when the spirit of Mami hath told her that doing so shall be a Fate Worse Than Death.
- She hath liberated the Puella Magi and euthanized the Witches, but in exchange the other powers had tortured and crucified Madoka out of existence, and they divided up her clothes by casting lots. And sitting down, the Incubators kept watch over her there.
- Above her head they placed the written charge against her: Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
- And they that passed by railed on her, wagging their heads, and saying, Ah, thou that destroyest the witches and the universe, and buildest it again to be 20% more awesome in ten seconds flat, save thyself, and come down from the cross.
- Madoka cried to the Haruhi and the Gods of Instrumentality: My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?
- Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, Aww, This girl calleth for the Rei, How Cute!
- The rest said, Let be, let us see whether the Rei will come to save her.
- Madoka, when she had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.
- And behold, the nuclear reactor of Fukushima was torn in two from top to bottom, and the earth shook and the rocks were split. The Universe was remade, and the bodies of many Puella Magi who had died were raised to life. They came out of their Witch-forms after Madoka's resurrection and went into the holy city....
- When the Incubator and those with him who guard Madoka saw the Ascension and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, This is Illogical! Surely she was a Goddess!
- To wit, that the new God was in Madokami, reconciling the world unto herself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
- I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, saith the ascendant Madokami to Homura, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.
- Thus Homura Protects the world that her Goddess so loved.
- And when the Haruhi tried to undo it all, the resurrected Madokami gave her a crippling Fluttershy Stare, with additional help from Kyon, now tired of being the chore boy co-God of the Demiurge.
- Behold, the Lamb that is Madokami, the embodiment of hope itself in such a universe of despair. And she is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world, and the sins created by the past Old Gods before her. Happy are those Puella Magi and otaku who are called to her supper of cake, for they shall no longer die forever alone. As long as thou can remember Her, thou art not alone.
- And the great Grand Unified Theology of anime was completed, and it is good.
And these take place within Instrumentality:
EVERYTHING happens inside the Instrumentality
Instrumentality and all of Evangelion also happens inside Instrumentality. Make of that if you will.
They are the God-Emperor of Mankind
(as Shinji and Warhammer 40k
indicates) and a Time Lord