- The teaser trailer sees a Freelancer Pelican slam through a supposedly metaphorical window in space.Carolina: What the hell was that?!
North: I think it was a window?
Wyoming: Knock Knock!
South: He said 'window', not 'door'.
York: A window? Just, on its own? I mean, not attached to anything?
Niner: What the hell's a window doing in the middle of space?!
Wash: I DON'T KNOW! JUST KEEP FLYING!
(Two Longswords blast past the screen while firing)
- Among the people contributing to this? Actual Canadian Barbara Dunkleman!
- Shortly after a staff roll, the Blood Gulch Crew's Pelican bumps into the logo, to Sarge's confusion.Sarge: What the heck was that?!
Caboose: I think it was a logo.
Episode 1: Room Zero
- Church arguing with another Church in the Epsilon unit over how to find Tex. One Church gets so fed up that he slugs his double, hurting both of them. And then the punchline;Church 1: What if we killed Caboose?
Church 2: What would that do?
Church 1: Make me feel a lot better.
Church 2: Huh. Good point.
Episode 2: From Stumbled Beginnings
- Grif, Simmons, and a guy called Hammer need remedial training and are sent to Timberland on a recon mission. Hilarity Ensues.
- Hammer is one giant communist joke.Grif: Every time you go against democracy, an eagle dies!
- The bomb that kills Hammer has "REDS SUCK" written on it.
- Unbeknownst to, and unfortunately for Grif and Simmons, the mission was actually a success. What they think was a failure and a lie has escalated into the two of them graduating from training and being sent out to the simulation war.Grif: Is it too late to tell you that we didn't actually do anything and Hammer died a foolish death?
- Hammer is one giant communist joke.
Episode 3: Fifty Shades of Red
- This episode shows process in which Sarge was chosen for Blood Gulch. There are an entire squad of them, all with the same kind of mindset as Sarge, much to Florida's glee.
- Sarge got his name by taking "dress for the job you want" to it's illogical conclusion.
- The potential Sergeants are so alike that they start speaking in unison.
- When asked to guide Buckshot through defusing a live bomb, Sarge asks for a flamethrower (decorated Sharkface style, through some insane coincidence), which he then uses to burn the instructions for how to defuse it. Because using the instructions would have been cheating. Needless to say, Buckshot does not survive the exercise.
- One of Flowers' potential recruits answers every question by talking about how great a listener he is. He completely forgets what they were talking about. Really says a lot about Tucker...
- When Flowers returns from interviewing the Blues to check on the Reds, he is stunned to see all but two (Sarge and Daggerknife) dead. Apparently Sarge assumed that the rubber bullets that Lemons had given them were an error, so they all swapped them for live rounds.
- Lemons has no idea who to give the post to, since the survivors are both equally incompetent. Sarge and Daggerknife decide that it's up to them to choose. Daggerknife decides to prove that he's the best man for the job by shooting himself in the head. Sarge agrees that this makes him the perfect candidate.
Episode 4: Why They're Here
- We learn the true story of Private Jimmy. It's a combination of Nightmare Fuel and Black Comedy:Flowers: Prepare him for A.I. implantation.
Jimmy: Wait, wha—AAAH! WHAT'RE YOU DOING TO MY SKULL?! AAAHH!! THIS DOESN'T SEEM PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE!!!
- "Nothing short of an aspirin overdose will stop this plan from succeeding!"
- Flowers forgot to account for one other variable—himself. Tripping over a power cable caused Vic to short-circuit, turning him into the erratic and rambling idiot of the Blood Gulch Chronicles.Vic: Agent Florida-da-DA-dA-Da-DA-DA-DA—DUDE!
- Not to mention that said short-circuit replaced the roster of replacements—instead of Freelancer agents, the list included future characters such as Caboose, Donut, and Sister!
- Simmons is inexplicably sensitive about the Vegas Quadrant.
- Flowers theorizes that the Blood Gulch "conflict" will be at such a stalemate that it'll last for fourteen seasons.Flowers: I prefer to think of the passage of time in terms of the four seasons as opposed to the standard Gregorian calendar.
- The utterly bizarre feeling that comes after Sarge says this. It's like something out of a twisted Mirror Universe episode.Sarge: Thank you, Private Grif, for reporting this incident! You sure are a fine soldier. I think you and I are gonna get along just fine.
- This is actually a reference to the inconsistency of the first episode of Red vs Blue, where Grif and Simmons' relationship with Sarge were swapped.
- Church and Tucker meet for the first time:Tucker: Sup, are you a chick?
Church: Yeah, I don't like you.
Episode 5: The Brick Gulch Chronicles
- This episode is basically The LEGO Movie but with Red vs Blue.
- Answering the classic question.Grif: You ever wonder why we're here?
Simmons: I actually have a theory about that! You see, it's all about connections. I'm connected to the ground, the ground is connected to you, you're connected to Blue Base. It's like we're all one thing.
Grif: I can't decide if that's deep or just literal.
- Simmons asks Caboose to bring them something valuable and important. Caboose brings them Church. The sight of Caboose holding his "best friend" in his arms is both funny and heartwarming. Even funnier is how the two actually consider bringing Church to Sarge as a prisoner.
- After being taken outside, Church is confused as to why everything is now "smooth and colorful". Grif, noting that everything is similar, but better, asks if they're in Canada.
- Meta: the captions for the video on YouTube outright ask how Malcolm got a hold of hydrochloric acid.
- The Running Gag of Simmons thinking that all potential threats have sight based on movement.Grif: You say that about everything and it's NEVER been true!
- The lampshading of Donut somehow coming back less than three minutes after being killed.Donut: Remember me how I was! (is dropped into the acid beaker, instantly vaporizes)Simmons: DONUT! (to the sky) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-Church: We just watched him die!Griff: Happened before.
- And sure enough, when Simmons tells Sarge later that Donut died, Donut pops up behind him.
- "Not now, mom, I'm doing a science!"
- As soon as they get back inside, the guys make an unfortunate discovery.Grif: (scared) It's like... some sort of big cat!
- Luckily, the cat goes away... because it got scared off by the Roomba.
- Grif and the giant slice of pizza.Grif: It was worth it...
- When they return to their sets:Grif: Kill... me...
- When they return to their sets:
- Tucker tries throwing a firecracker at Malcolm. It has the effect you'd expect. But it does get him grounded, so it's something.
- As it turns out, "Malcolm" is in fact a young Malcom Hargrove, which honestly makes too much sense. And his mother is played by Jen Brown. Even in an alternate universe, Carolina saves the BGC in some way.
- When his mom comes in to yell at him for setting off firecrackers in the house, Malcolm attempts to explain himself... but given the explanation is "the toys did it", he wisely decides to instead go to his room forever.
- At the end of the episode, Caboose brings Sarge a cake to wish him a happy birthday. Too bad the candle he uses is a firecracker...
Episode 6: Orange is the New Red
- Sue, bragging about how cool he looks, accentuates the point by flexing and turning around to show off his ass.
- Cherry assures the Funhaus Reds that her old alien programming is gone, and that she's happy to serve "feeble human scum."
- How did the Funhaus Reds defeat their rival blue team? They didn't. Cherry did."Was it our plan to have a giant spaceship crash down on the blue base? No. But did we capitalize on that moment like some badass Red soldiers entrenched in a seemingly never-ending battle with our cerulean enemy? HELL YEAH!"
- What was the designation of this enemy team that was so unceremoniously Killed Offscreen? AH13.
- A Running Gag is established of Captain Morgan being mocked for sharing a name with a brand of rum.
- Another Running Gag of Santos complaining about the ship not having a wine-bar.
Episode 7: Invaders from Another Mother
- When Turf's Red Team goes to scope out Blood Gulch, since it's set in Season One, there's much Leaning on the Fourth Wall with the difference in graphics.
- Turf's plan to wipe out the Blood Gulch Blues? The same way that FH 57's Blue enemies were killed: crashing Cherry into their base. Needless to say, the other soldiers are less than enthusiastic about this....Morgan: Er, Colonel, don't you think you're being a bit rash?
Cherry: Setting course for Blue Base!
Turf: Do you think they called George Washington rash?!
Cherry: Verifying coordinates!
Drag: George Washington didn't try to crash a spaceship into a military compound hidden in a canyon full of blue-armored space-marines!
Turf: Heh, sounds like I got one up on Washington himself! Sink your wooden teeth into that, George!
Cherry: Calculating suicide route!
Morgan: Suicide route!? Who even calls it that?
Santos: Must be a glitch in our vocal-translation protocol. I should make a note to fix that.
Drag: We'll all be dead by then!
Santos: You don't have to yell, geez, fine, I'll go fix it! Peake, let's go!
(Santos runs off. After a moment, Peake follows after him)
Drag: We work with idiots!
Turf: (Sniffs) Brave idiots. Godspeed, soldiers.
- Turf continues proving himself to be the "Sarge" of FH57 by coming up with completely grandiose and impractical plans to distract and/or kill the Blues. When Morgan convinces him to scout out Blood Gulch instead of engaging in the Suicide Attack mentioned above, Turf still wants to draw the Blues away from Sheila by blowing up a whole mountain with tons of C4— which is not only unnecessary, but impossible, seeing as how the scouting team didn't even bring C4.
- Santos discovers that Peake actually found the aliens that own the spaceship in the cargo hold, but has been covertly taking care of them due to having been ignored every time he tried to tell the others. What's the first thought that comes into his head? Using them to take over the ship...so that he can finally have that wine-bar he's always wanted.
- FH57's away team running into Caboose, who was summoned by Sue's "desert dance". Of course, Caboose finds the sudden appearance of graphically superior Red soldiers plotting to kill him and his team on the cliffs to be simply "weird."
- Sue proves to be the "Donut" of the FH57 simply through his interactions with Caboose;Sue: So, it's really, really important that no one knows we're here. Otherwise, we can't kill all of your friends!
Caboose: Ah, yeah. That makes sense.
Turf: (Sighs, cocks gun) Imma kill 'em both!
- The first thing out of Drag's mouth the moment Turf and co. are onboard:Turf: Colonel, we have a problem, Santos wants a wine bar so he got the aliens and now they're a cult that worships Peake and he wants to take over the ship.Morgan: We weren't even gone for an hour!
Episode 8: The #1 Movie in the Galaxy: 3
- This episode is a faux-trailer for a live-action movie staring Sarge called Sarge V Tucker: Origin of Sin... Which turns out to be a preview for a movie the Blood Gulch Crew is about to watch.Sarge: They... butchered my movie! [...] It was supposed to be a tone piece about the nature of war! And that McConaughey guy is a total miscast for me! The guy has no shoulders!
Washington: Seriously? That whole thing looked right up your alley!
Sarge: Cleary, you don't understand my refined tastes, Agent Washington!
Episode 9: Club
- "Blonde, bisexual, bridesmaid... That is the unicorn of club girls."
- The duo's preparations are interrupted by a club goer wanting to use the bathroom. Their response is to drag him into the bathroom and leave him unconscious inside one of the stalls.
- The subtitles for part of the fight describe the sounds as "Blunt force trauma".
- Locus tosses a stun grenade at two shooters at the same time Felix comes around the corner to shoot them. As a result, Felix takes the gas and is pissed.
- Immediately after that, one of the men they're fighting calls out about how they're dead meat while Felix and Locus are taking cover behind an overturned desk. Without even looking around it, Felix nonchalantly shoots the guy twice around the corner.
- Then they argue over the aforementioned gas incident.Felix: You said comms were useless!
Locus: I meant downstairs!
Locus: (Throws an unconscious Gabriel down) THAT doesn't mean "remove your earpiece"!
Felix: Well, I'm sorry I couldn't read that broken fucking brain of yours, and suddenly know that you actually meant the opposite OF WHAT YOU FUCKING SAID!
- You really got to appreciate the irony in hearing Felix refer to himself and Locus as "the good guys".
- Siris lecturing Locus and Felix for not using their comms leads him to admit that he expects this recklessness from Felix, but not from Locus. You know that comment annoyed Felix.
Episode 10: Call
- As the trio are driving along, Gabriel wakes up and starts yelling and banging on the inside of the car trunk. Felix's reaction? Casually turning on the radio loud enough to drown out Gabriel.
- Felix getting voice mails before finally reaching Ruben Lazano.
- Seconds later, when Reuben calls Felix and asks what he intends to do with Gabriel, Felix lets out a slight evil laugh that has Locus and Siris share a "Seriously?" glance.
- What happened to the girl that Gabriel snagged at the begining of the story? How did daddy know so much about Felix and Locus? She was under Gabriel's desk when it all went down, with it heavily implied that she wasn't there hiding from the mercs, but entertaining.
Episode 11: Consequences
- After giving Felix a gun, Locus preemptively chews him out about using it to kill himself:Locus: We have enough firepower. We also have the cliff to our backs, and a full understanding of the terrain. We have survived worse. But if you waste a single one of our rounds on yourself, I will be very unhappy.
- Felix, wounded in one leg and literally leaning on Locus for support, sees one of the mob soldiers and throws his knife at him. The butt end of the knife hits, instead of the blade. But, it's enough to get a Railing Kill. "That works." Locus giving him a "Are you serious?" look and Felix smiling gleefully back is the icing on the cake.
- After saving Siris from being killed by Ruben, all Felix can say is a matter-of-fact "What a douche.".
- Siris nonchalantly remarking that it would've been smarter to turn Ruben in for the reward money instead of killing him.
Episode 12: Fight the Good Fight
- The entire opening to the episode. The recruitment document is a standout, if you can read behind the black markup.
- The promotional video is very clearly the same for the Red and Blue armies, with the color of the team said in a completely different tone indicating it was essentially copy-pasted in.
- Whoever was making the video clearly wasn't expecting the Red and Blue teams to be evening more incompetent than advertised, and on good terms with each other.
- Grif and Simmons being caught looking at porn. It's worth pointing out that of the two photos visibly seen of said porn, one of them is Santa Claus.
- The interviewer decides to give Grif a rocket launcher. Simmons keeps wanting to know why he got it.Grif: I can keep the rocket launcher, right?
- Sarge still refuses to believe that Grif is a Sergeant, going so far as to blast Simmons when he keeps mockingly talking about Grif's rank.
- Grif questions if they are back to hating the Blues, since both sides have been cool "since the whole alien thing with the Freelancer--"Narrator: ALRIGHT, TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
- We eventually get to see part of the Blue recruitment tape. It's not that much better:Narrator: Uh, gentlemen—
Tucker: (to Church) But I told [Sister] I had a sniper rifle! She's expecting me to bring it!
Church: (to Tucker) I don't care what you told Grif's sister! I am not letting you take my sniper rifle on your imaginary date!
Tucker: It's not imaginary! She's totally into me!
Narrator: Will you please just focus?!
Tucker: (to the Narrator) ...who are you again?
Episode 13: Meta vs Carolina: Dawn of Awesome
- In the teaser trailer for an upcoming episode in the Death Battle episode "Mewtwo vs. Shadow the Hedgehog, Grif brings back the "Ever wonder..?" question by asking if Simmons wondered who'd win between Agent Carolina and the Meta. Simmons scoffs at that, replying that "only nerds on the Internet would ask that!"
- "Oh, I didn't realize scariness was the deciding factor in a fight to the fucking death!"
- In the episode proper, Boomstick uses Grif to showcase the gear used by the combatants. Poor Grif.
- Which ties into the ending: Sarge realizes that Boomstick might be his son that he upped and abandoned and runs away. And Boomstick doesn't realize it. Even better as Boomstick is the only one who doesn't catch it, after Sarge awkwardly leaves everyone turns to Boomstick to see his reaction. Yes, even Caboose.
- Simmons and Grif finding out that Tex is Carolina's mother. Caboose claims it was "super obvious."Simmons: Huh. ...suddenly everything makes a lot more sense.
Grif: Fuck, dude... remember when all we used to do was stand around and talk?
Simmons: Yeah, good times.
Grif: Good times...
- Grif thinks Wiz and Boomstick's names are the dumbest he's ever heard. Simmons reminds him that they work with Franklin Delano Donut.
- The fight itself has some funny moments too:
- Before the fight starts, Carolina is doing some target practice. Her time just falls short of her best, which means Epsilon gets to pick what movie they see. Carolina asks him not to pick another terrible action movie. Churchs response?Epsilon: Oh, come on, theyre hilarious. Everyone talks in one-liners and the plots nonexistent. Its like the characters are just there to beat the shit out of each other.
- A running gag in the show is that characters commonly mutter out, or shout "Son of a bitch!" before something really bad happens to them. Since Meta is mute, Church says it for him.Epsilon: Hey! Hey hey! Hold up... Uh, hey so I know that you're about to pummel her ginger face in and all, but you also only talk in grunts. So, I'm just going to say this one line for you, kay? Just this one time. (Meta realizes that Carolina has his gun and is pointing it at him) OH! Son of a bitch!
- The reaction to the fight.Grif: Holy shit!
Caboose: I know! He did not even have a head under his helmet! He was a ghost the whole time! Like Bruce Willis.
- Before the fight starts, Carolina is doing some target practice. Her time just falls short of her best, which means Epsilon gets to pick what movie they see. Carolina asks him not to pick another terrible action movie. Churchs response?
Episode 14: Grey vs. Grey
- A Red team and a Blue team are trapped in a room, and one soldier named Hutch dies when the lights briefly goes out. Hilarity Ensues;
- First, y'know that Deliberate Monochrome? That's not an aesthetic. The soldiers- each and every one of them -is colorblind! "What are the odds?"
- And of course, that leads to some confusion when none of them can remember which team they were on.
- And their attempts to figure out who shot Hutch. The narrator at the end reveals Hutch died of a heart attack just before a trigger was fired.
Episode 15: Caboose's Guide to Making Friends
- VIC's utter amazement that Caboose somehow managed to show up in his "fourth wall breaking episode prologue". He's so impressed he's not even mad and gives him the floor.Vic: Alrighty amigos, it's time for another one of Vics stories! Now, this time I was thinking of hitting you all with the origin of—
Vic: Uh, whoa, dude, how did you get in here?
Caboose: I used the door.
Vic: You used the door? To get into this fourth wall breaking episode prologue? You found a door that to do that?
Caboose: Yes. It was next to the broken window by the men's restroom.
Vic: ...I am not even mad, color me impressed!
- The squeak noise every time cartoon Caboose falls down.
Episode 16: Head Cannon
- Takes us back to the first part of Episode 100, when Omega was bouncing from mind to mind. This time, we get to see what was going on in those minds.
- Omega's utter disappointment in discovering he hadn't found Tex, partly set off by the bust of Simmons on a pedestal, then meeting Head!Simmons, who refers to the place as "Chez Simon".Omega: If you attempt to keep me here against my will, I will remove your eyeballs and replace them with ping pong balls with similar eyes drawn on them!
- Simmons' head!Sarge saying that Simmons is really his biological son.Omega: And here I thought the blue one was delusional.
- Omega is completely relieved when an opening to escape presents itself.Omega: Oh thank god, an exit.
- When he ends up back in Caboose's mind, all the mental images in his mind are babbling at Omega, and run off wildly when Tex joins him.Omega: Assuming of course that nobody knocks me out of this. (Appears in the next mindscape) I can't help but fear I set myself for that one.
- Head!Donut in all his flamboyant glory. He sparkles.Donut: Oh hey there, Omega, welcome to my Lightish-Red Head!
Omega: Don't... Ever... Call it that again!
Donut: You got it buddy. The cool kids all call it The Donut Hole anyway.
Omega: Then my first order of business will be to murder the cool kids.
- Sarge's mind is a war zone, as he fights the blues, a rampaging AI, and 'senility keeps trying to overtake the hippocampus'. When Omega sees a cluster of yammering Grifs, he asks what that is about, and Sarge answers 'stress relief' before shooting them with a rocket launcher. Omega approves.Dirty Blue No. 3 (Caboose): Alas, I have tripped!note
- By the time he reaches Grif's mind, he's getting 'rather tired of this', but is utterly surprised by how simple Grif's headspace is. Then a Head!Simmons taunts Grif, who runs off chasing him.
- When he arrives in Church's mind, he starts ranting about how he can't take it anymore, only to start relaxing, and then sees Alpha descending like an angel. When he threatens to take over, Alpha pretty much says go for it, he's exhausted from the stress anyway. Omega feels right at home, which of course is when he is ejected again.Omega: Nothing can stop us now! Yes, nothing! (Cut to exterior where Tex hits Church, ejecting Omega) Aw, Fuck.
Episode 17: Get Bent
- During Epsilon's time stuck in the memory unit, he mis-remembers the gender of the Reds as being female. Hilarity Ensues.Epsilon: And what chicks are we going to pick up exactly?
Tucker: What are you, the rookie? We've got a whole base full of them right here in the canyon!
Epsilon: Yeah but tha- I'm sorry, what?
Caboose: Hey! I just wanted to let you know, the general stopped by and took the flag! Also, I think she likes me!
- Epsilon slips up and accidentally calls the tank Sheila in front of Tucker at a time before she was officially given the name.Tucker: You named the tank Sheila.
Epsilon: I - uh, I - you know... Y-yeah. I mean... She just kinda looks like a Sheila to me, y'know. So, what were you saying?
- Epsilon examines Blood Gulch to see what he mis-remembered. His reaction is priceless.
- Epsilon's outrage at finding out that, all this time, all they had to do was ASK Command for supplies.
- While discussing their renovations to Red Base, Female!Sarge and Female!Simmons briefly discuss the new showerhead.
- Like in canon, Female!Donut managed to get the Blues' flag. In this memory, she put the flag in the Red's dining room, causing Female!Simmons to berate her for the clash in colors.
- Epsilon's reaction to Female!Donut's Double Entendre that puts her male counterpart to shame.Female!Donut: If it were up to me, I'd get down on my hands and knees and I'd tear up all the carpet in this base. (Beat) What's with the blue guy?
Epsilon: I'm just... I... I know what I should have expected from you, I was just not ready for it.
- After Church is captured by the Female!Reds, Tucker comes into the Red Base, with Caboose in tow, solely so he can flirt with the Reds. His attempts to hit on Female!Grif end about as well as you'd expect.Tucker: Hey baby, I've never been with a plus-size girl before, and I bet you've never hooked up in an armored military tank. How about we scratch a few things off our buck- (Female!Grif shoots Tucker) OW! My lap!
Female!Grif: "Plus-size", my fat ass! (Beat) Oh, right...
Tucker: Bow chicka ow owww...
- The reveal of Male!Tex towards the end.
- At the end, after resetting reality again, Epsilon makes another mistake...Tucker: I was saying, how about you and me go for a ride in this tank? I can show you the cannon.
Epsilon/Female!Epsilon: Tucker, what the fuck is wrong with... What the fuck is wrong with...
Camera pans back, revealing that Epsilon accidentally misremembered himself as female.
Female!Epsilon: Oh, COME ON!
Episode 18: Red vs. Blue: The Musical
- In his beginning narration, Vic mentions that Agent Florida downloaded his entire music archive into Vic's hard drive. All 5000 songs. Apparently, Florida was into Barenaked Ladies. Who'da thunkit?
- Sarge and the Reds singing about naming their new rocket launchers and killing the Blues.
- Sarge is easily one of the most enthusiastic to be in this episode.Jazz hands!
- Donut tries to give his suggestion.Grif: What? You got any better ideas?
Donut: I do!
Everybody: No one cares!
- Church's song about how much he hates his life, and everyone else.
- The picture of Tex that Church has is a Dartboard of Hate that reads "Stop Calling Me -XOXO Tex"
- None of the others are impressed with Church's complaints.Tucker: Oh please. You're overly dramatic.
Doc: You're clearly asymptomatic.
Sheila: Your life is hardly that traumatic.
Caboose: But your girlfriend is half-aquatic.
- Church listing of the things wrong in his life.Church: I have been to jury duty 37 times! I always get the middle seat on flights! Last year nobody wished me a happy birthday! Fuck all of you! Fuck everyone! And fuck this fucking song!
- Even better, at the end of the episode, Epsilon comments on how accurate this is!
- Church decides to let the Reds attack him with their Rocket launchers. The Reds pull their triggers, only to learn that command didn't give them any spare ammo. Or, alternatively, they wasted all of it during the musical number.Donut: Uh, Sarge?
Sarge: (Irritated) Yes, Private Donut?
Donut: Do these rocket launchers feel a little...light to you?
Sarge: ...well I just assumed it was because I'm in peak physical condition.
Grif: Oh god. You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Tucker: Holy shit. They don't have any ammo!
Church: God damn it.
Simmons: Why would command send us rocket launchers with no rockets?!
Grif: Who is running this army!?
- Donut encouraging both teams to dance.Grif: Uh, what is happening right now?
Church: I don't know. I just know that I hate it.
- Church is absolutely flabbergasted by the two teams and the tank starting to dance in front of him.Church: ...What the fuck is happening right now?
- The reveal that the entire episode is Donut's version of the Blood Gulch Chronicles that he is telling everyone on Chorus.Simmons: Donut, none of that shit ever happened!
Donut: Well, maybe not in your version. I decided to spice things up! Add a little pizzazz. The original version was so boring: all we ever did was stand around and talk!
Doyle: (Clears throat) Um, yes. Did you actually have song and dance numbers or..?
Donut: Ugh. Let's take it from the top.
Episode 19: Mr. Red vs. Mr. Blue
- The movie night poster.Night... the time of day when the sun goes down and so does Donut.
- The only movie in Blood Gulch is Reservoir Dogs, so the gang's weekly movie night is only ever enjoyed by Tucker. And then Caboose destroys the movie, leaving Tucker in funk, so Church decides to remake it with the Blood Gulch Crew. The Reds only join in due to boredom.
- And how does Caboose destroy the movie? He tries to play a VHS in a film reel projector, which Church allows because by that point he and everyone else is sick of the movie.
- When assigning characters, Donut got Mr. Pink, and Church gave himself Mr. White.
- Sister's rant about sexist movie remakes.Sister: Why the fuck am I not Mr. Blonde?!
Grif: Because you're a girl, and also you're not blonde.
Sister: Not on my head.
Grif: That doesn't eve— Wait, what?
Church: Sister, there's no girls in Reservoir Dogs, go back to base.
Sister: Uh, what about the all female remake they made? You know, the terrible one?
Church: Reservoir Bitches? It was terrible!
Sister: FINE! ENJOY BEING SEXIST! I'll go make my own movie, and it will only have girls! THEN, we'll see who's sexist!
Simmons: And where're you gonna get girls to make an impromptu movie?
Sister: I've done it before, and they didn't even care about the nudity, because WOMEN! ARE! PROFESSIONALS!
Grif: Please do not tell anyone else the things you just said!
Sister: I HAAAATE YOOOOUUU! YOU'RE JUST LIKE MOM AND DAD!
- Resvoir... Resivouir... Water Pond Dogs turns out to be a glorious example of Bad "Bad Acting". Church at least is trying, while Grif puts as much effort into the production as he does anything else:Grif: Ugh. I am shot.
Church: Hey! Cut that shit right now. You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad. But you ain't dying. (breaks character) Okay, trust me, I know what that feels like.
Grif: Aaaah. That heist. It went so bad. And now, I have been shot. I am going to die. I know it.
Church: That heist went bad. But you're not gonna die! I'm... uh, line?
Simmons: "I'm going to get you help."
Church: Right, I'm gonna get you help!
Church: No, don't you "hurk-bleh" on me!
- This exchange:
Episode 20: RvB Throwdown
- Sarge vs Church Rap Battle, with a special appearance by Felix and Locus.
- The episode opens with Vic contemplating the long running question of Red VS Blue... which isn't "Do you ever wonder why we're here?", because they've run that into the ground.
- Canonicity be damned, the sheer fact that Locus would ever participate in a rap battle.
Episode 21: The Triplets
- Ohio losing it at the "5 questions game" in the beginning.Ohio: I do not love that game. (mumbles) I just play it when I'm bored.
Idaho: Which is all the time.
Ohio: Because we never get mission assignments!
- Pretty much anything Iowa does:
- Iowa's truly amazing track record of busted Mongooses ("Mongeese?"). He managed to destroy 12 in one training session. Seven by just sneezing next to them. Through his helmet.Iowa: I-I'm not a very strong driver.
- The Five Questions Game which includes but is not limited to Dungeons and Dragons: Five Things You Don't Wanna Make Saving Throws Against and Five Meats That You Think Wouldn't Be Delicious But Are Totally Delicious.
- This Five Questions Game conversation, mostly the end since it doubles as a Tear Jerker:Iowa: Five Things You'd Rather Be Doing. Go.
Iowa and Idaho: One.
Ohio: Something else.
Ohio: Not this?
Ohio: Contemplating the futility of existence in a coffee shop.
Idaho: Seems like your heart's not really in this, Oh.
Ohio: Your Mom!
Iowa: Oooh snap, that's our girl!
Episode 22: The "Mission"
- In order to see if there was really a base there, Iowa took off his helmet and licked it. A metal base. On a frozen planet. and yes, his tongue got stuck and took him some time to warm it free. Also, according to him, the base tasted like a White Russian cocktail. (Turns out, the base has a lot of booze stockpiled, so it likely was the actual drink he was tasting.)
- The simple fact of the matter that the ex-Charon Industries soliders are Sherry, her partner Darryl and her other partner Terrill.
- Sherry chastising her comrades.Sherry: You realize this is why they dumped us here, right? You're incompetent. He's incompetent. Talking to you makes me incompetent. Killing us and touching our dead bodies would have only made them incompetent.
- Sherry's snark in general:Darryl: We're from Charon Industries, and we're waiting to find out what we're here for.
Sherry: Ex-Charon Industries! We're not really waiting for anything though, except maybe like, a quick, merciful death.
Sherry: We don't exactly have a chain of command anymore. I'm mostly in charge though, because I'm not a complete fucking waste of brain cells.
Sherry: Lemme guess. You guys got dumped here.
Ohio: WhaI... How did you know?
Sherry: Body language! That and there's no reason to come here. For anyone, like ever.
Sherry: The long and short of it is, we're fuck-ups. Like you! We're all stranded here, we'll all die here, and we'll all be forgotten.
- Terrill offers to go make drinks to celebrate the Freelancers' arrivals. As they sneak through the base, Ohio checks to see if they've been spotted, but just sees Terrill making cocktails. Iowa wonders if they can make a whiskey on the rocks. Then, as his friends are having a team moment and preparing to meet the Charon soldiers, he loudly asks the Charons from offscreen if they can make a whiskey on the rocks. Iowa and Ohio hang their heads in shame.
- Sherry's readings of the triplets, including her assessment of Ohio ("Come on girl, it is obvious."), Idaho's former feelings for his friend (Ohio: "You used to what me?" Idaho: [nervous laughter] "Yeah, hey! Let's just... move past this!") and Iowa's brain damage ("But he has the most upbeat attitude, so net-net, I guess.")
- Iowa shoots Darryl in the leg trying to kill an "ice spider".
- Ohio and Sherry's mutual resignation at their teams' antics. They don't even bother moving from their spots as bullets fly past them.Sherry: This happen often?
Ohio: Yeah. But not as often as— [Rocket flies past] Never mind.
- In order to give both their groups an actual purpose, Ohio does the sane thing and shoots Sherry in the leg.
- C.T. and South teasing Wash at the end with "Five Things No One Tells Wash".
Episode 23: Immersion: The Warthog Flip
- For starters, why are we getting an Immersion episode? Vic had to go pee. And has been holding it in since the second episode of the season.Vic: Now, don't ask how a computer program takes a leak... Just watch these guys mess around with some science stuff... while I'm gone...
- The live-action wraparound segment: Grif is driving himself, Simmons, Sarge, and Lopez (reduced, once again, to a head) back to (a currently without power) Red Base in order to save their rocky road ice cream from completely melting.
- After everything is said and done, Grif bemoans that their ice cream by that point is now ice cream soup... which he realizes isn't that bad after saying it out loud.
- Lopez, just before the Warthog crashes:Lopez: La peor parte es que me van a hacer a mí arreglar el coche. [The worst part is... they're going to make me fix the car.]
- Where's Donut? Off getting parts to fix the Warthog's power steering.Lopez: ¿Quieres decir el Warthog que estamos conduciendo ahora? (You mean the Warthog we're driving now?)
- Sarge initially thinks Grif is driving the Warthog so fast is because of a bomb in itnote . The episode ends with him saying that the only thing that can make the episode better is a shoe-horned in explosion. Connect the dots.
- When Simmons is wondering how to shoehorn an explosion in, Sarge suggests using the bomb in the Warthog. Just as Lopez (sitting in the Warthog's seat) is angrily asserting that there is no bomb, cue the mushroom cloud.Simmons: ...huh. Guess there really was a bomb.
Sarge: Told ya.
- The host for the experiment is Burnie. The lab rat? Miles Luna. As such, enjoy the mental image of Church torturing Felix for an entire episode.
- Burnie has Miles try and flip over the Warthog himself using his own personal strength. It doesn't go over perfectly.Miles: (straight up charges into the Warthog; recoils in pain) GOD DAMMIT!
Episode 24: Red vs. Blue vs. Rooster Teeth
- The Reds and Caboose end up in Rooster Teeth headquarters. Hilarity Ensues.
- Burnie's "hot shit" rant and the reactions to it. It must be heard for the full effect:Burnie: Well, I guess you think you're pretty hot shit, huh? Well guess what?! WE are the hottest shit that there is! In fact, WE'RE so hot, we're like... a giant bag of shit that's lit on fire, and then, you put it on your neighbor's doorstep, ring the doorbell, and run away in the middle of the night! And then your neighbor comes out in his robe and his slippers, and he's like: "What's this?! Oh, it's a huge burning bag on my doorstep! I better put that out!" So he starts stomping on it! He's stomping on the fire! But guess what?! He's not stomping on fire! He's stomping! On! SHIT! And that hot shit that's on the bottom of his slipper?! THAT'S US!
Josh: ...That's a really fucking weird metaphor.
Burnie: You're a fucking weird metaphor!
- Burnie and Geoff's idea to get back at Miles and the Machinima crew? The Machinima Death Switch.Burnie: What we need... is... (Pan over to the Death Switch) ...A simple solution!
Burnie starts laughing, Geoff awkwardly joins in. Laughter dies down.
Geoff: Like the Nazis!
Burnie: Wha-?! No, that's - Geoff, that's the Final Solution, I-I'm gonna cut the power.
Burnie: Yeah, why Nazis? That was kinda weird.
- It's implied that Geoff is drunk off his ass the entire time.
- The Machinima crew's reaction to meeting the Blood Gulch Crew face-to-face? Scream at the top of their lungs and run like hell.
- Joel's reaction to seeing the motion capture equipment running on its own, showing Caboose dancing without someone acting out his movements.Joel: "That can't be good."
- Joel espousing to Caboose the importance of buying gold.Caboose: (after Joel leaves) And that is the smartest person I have ever met.