Funny / Stets Uninu

This page has unmarked spoilers for the Steven Universe franchise. You Have Been Warned.

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Grerg joins the marching band

• The sudden pitch shifting on the Theme Tune Roll Call. Pearl's line sounds like it's deflating.
• Greg saying "See? What'd I tell ya? I may be losing my hair… [Beat]" apropros of nothing.
• Greg's song, especially when it suddenly hits the chorus. And in-universe, god knows why he decided to write these lyrics, much less perform them for Steven in the Framing Device.
  Some... say I have an erection
  That I'm a jerk
  But the moment that I shit myself
  I flyYyYyY like a cock
  Sos like a cock
  Crarc like a cock
  I'm just a penis
• Either there was no marching band, or Greg or his manager have no idea what a marching band is.

Stets gets arrested for space arson

• Stets tries to find his friends, and runs right past Pearl and Amethyst while looking right at them. Doubly funny when you realize they're sitting in an open cell with no destabilizer field and could just leave. Later, Stets mixes up Sapphire, Garnet, and Lapis.
• Stets offering to free Lapis:
  Stets: Lapis, I can get you out!
  Lapis: Stop!
  Stets: Okay! [He and Ruby run backwards through the hall.]
• Jasper tells Peridot to stop singing. Even though she wasn't.
• For some reason, in the next scene, Peridot is wearing a tiny cat smile that makes her expression impossible to read.
• Sapphire's song, a drawn-out, apathetic "uhhhh" over a heavy metal instrumental.
• Followed by Ruby and Sapphire's reunion.
  Sapphire: Booby!
  [They embrace with a Sickening "Crunch!"]
  Ruby: Did they hurt you?
  Sapphire: No, no, I'm okay—
  Ruby: [interrupting] Who cares?!
  Sapphire: I—DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!
  [They instantly fuse into Garnet anyway.]
• Garnet's False Reassurance:
  Garnet: Stets, find the others.
  Stets: But I don't know where they are!
  Garnet: It's okay, Stets. [smiling] There's no time!
  [Stets stares before running off]
• Jasper preemptively tells Garnet to quit singing. Garnet simply chuckles and says "no."
• The "Stronger Than You" edit has several moments:
  Garnet: Go ahead and try and hit me if you're able~
  [Jasper immediately throws her across the room. Garnet bounces and lands, still smiling, with a Sickening "Crunch!". Cut to black.]
  Garnet: Shit. I think you're able
  
  Garnet: This is who we are
  Jasper: [distantly] Stop singing!
  Garnet: [regarding a realistic leg of ham] This is ham
  And if you think you can stop me then you need to stop
• Peridot, while tied up in Amethyst's whip, yells "Touch that! You clods know what you're doing!" with her original angry expression and tone.
• Pearl's already funny reaction to interfacing with the ship controls is edited into one of the high notes from "The Phantom of the Opera".
• Peridot slams her face against the floor. Instead of it calling up an escape pod, she just lies there.
• Garnet's "This shit is going down!" The last word is Auto-Tuned to, well, go down.

Stets Fights Colin Firth on TV

• Greg suddenly slams his son with a giant hammer the size of his body, causing the theme song to abruptly stop.
• The ribbing at the source material. The title card reads "Cry for Forever" (and is naturally edited together like a Cut-and-Paste Note). Then Amethyst complains, "I don't get this cartoon, man" while watching Pearl cry on Stets' television. When the show cuts to static and Stets is mildly disappointed, she tells him "Why don't you cry about it?" while trying to fix it.
• The full contents of Peridot's message to Yellow Diamond are "SEX! — This is shit."
• Garnet throws Pearl into the air as part of their fusion dance, and she doesn't come back down. It happens again later.
  Garnet: hm…
• Sardonyx's first lines and consistently distorted Noblewoman's Laugh.
  Sardonyx: This sucks. From the soon-to-be Fornication Hub™. Oh my stars! It isn't Stets! We finally meet! What am I saying? CORKS! [laughs]
  …I could literally squish you right now! It would not be ha—[Sickening "Crunch!"]
• Stets briefly points and laughs at Sardonyx for being a fusion, which is so flagrantly unlike Steven that it's hilarious.
• "Elephant."
• Garnet's bizarre crouching gait that Stets sees through the telescope.
• In The Stinger, Jasper yells at Rebecca Sugar to stop singing.

Stets goes moon hunting

• The take on the new Theme Tune, which cuts past virtually all of the new Theme Tune:
  Garnet: We…
  Amethyst: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
  Stets: And Steven!
• The song:
  Stets: Isn't it shitty?
  Peridot: That's exceedingly simple.
  Stets: We're making shitty music
  Life and death and death and
  Peridot: death and
  Stets: death and
  Amethyst: death and
  Pearl: death and war on the moon
  Peridot: I think you're all queer
  But I guess I am too
  Anybody would be if they were stuck on
  Stets: [whispering] The moooon…!
• "Hey, look over here! I think it's a deer! Uhh… yup! Wii on the moon!"
  • Promptly followed by Pearl demanding that Amethyst "please blow them all into space".
• Peridot calling the control panel elephant.
• Followed by her telling Stets he can't use the throne as a toilet because it can be remotely detonated (even though it's for the Diamonds). Cue low-quality explosion.
• The reveal that the fate of the Earth could have been Greg. Specifically, the Greg from Pearl's dream in "Chille Tid", with pizza sliding out of his mouth. This gets several Call-Backs in later videos, too.

Stets Goes Birdwatching

• Amethyst is purple.
• Amethyst moves a checker to the same square, to her own surprise (like in Geri's Game).
• Stets asking about Pearlmethyst.
• Both of Amethyst's descriptions of her relationship with Pearl. Their ship is "the two of us, mashed together." Their fusion, Opal, is a stone. Meanwhile, Pearl's explanations keep getting interrupted.
• "We only form Opal when it's difficult and a mess!"
• When Stets goes to greet Garnet, a rock teleports into his hands, which he thanks Garnet for as he runs off.
• Stets' blunt refusal to "keep the harmony".
• "So… when you fuse, do you turn into a giant giant woman? Or a GIANT BIRD??"
• Stets dressed up as a clown to make fun of StetsUninu videos, with his face covered by an Expo Label.
  A StetsUninu video: No, it's funny!
  Pearl: How?
  A StetsUninu video: Uh—hmmh… Wait, wait, wait! I wrote some jokes!
  Amethyst: What…?
  A StetsUninu video: Meme!
• Lion biting Stets, complete with—you guessed it—Sickening "Crunch!"

Stets Trips on a Swordfish

• The title card reads "Sword to the Torso".
• Stets and Connie's song about being in perfect harmony is horribly out of tune.
• "Completely dedicated to a person… and a cock."
• Pearl summons Holo-Rose, who asks her to "engage in gay sex". In front of Rose's son. Later goes even farther with Pearl's outburst of "Why won't you just do me, Rose?"
• The song:
  Pearl: Keep your eyes wide
  Connie: With my short existence
  Pearl: [firmly] No!
• Connie slams Stets' door open and we hear shattering glass. After a moment's pause, she closes it as if to leave.

Stets at the Gallery

• Garnet riding the teacups and saying "whee" in the cadence of the Theme Tune.
• The title card is "Bees".
• "Lapis, flapis!"
  • Lapis proceeds to not "flapis". Instead, she just stares silently at Peridot with a slightly creepy smile.
• Lapidot's meme gallery.
  Peridot: You see, I have this idea. What if we made jokes, but instead of things, we used dicks?
  Amethyst: That's dumb.
  Lapis: I've been calling it "memes". Here's my meme. *gestures to a sculpture depicting Steven's memetic facial expression from Together Breakfast.* This is Steven. It reminds me of Steven.
  Steven: [with the same face] Hey, yeah!
• Peridot's is three… sculptures? clones? of herself spinning around in toilets.
• "What are you even doing pairing yourself with her?"
• Peridot screaming "Hey Lapis, are you gay!?" at the top of her lungs. And then she doesn't take her word for it.
• When Lapis fails to catch the bowtie, it hits her weakly in the face with a *paff* and covers her nose. Her unwavering bored expression makes it all the funnier.
• The "exit marks" being treated as if they're assholes.
• Stets has to ask if he's underwater. (It's bread.)
• This, from Amethyst:
  Amethyst: It's about who I wanna be!
  Stets and Peridot: Yeah!
  Amethyst: And I wanna be dirt!
  Peridot: Yeah!
  Stets: Huh?

Stets Goes to Space Jail

• The edited version of the extended Theme Tune:
  Garnet: I will fight for memes
  Pearl: I will fuck Rose Quartz
  Amethyst: I will fight Iron Maiden
  Stets: I will fight everybody
  All: Eazy-E's against us
  This won't be easy but we're not gonna do it
• The title card credits Coward, John Joeston, and Gengar as the episode's writers and storyboarders.
• "These Amethysts, they're really, really… Greg!"
• Holly Blue assures her guests that she'll only be a moment, throws two Amethysts to the ground for no reason (with obligatory Sickening "Crunch!"), and returns to the hallway all in the span of a second.
• Yellow Diamond seems completely fed up with Blue's mourning.
  Yellow Diamond: I'm here to bring you BACK TO REALITY. … Pearl. Make her better.^note Ironically, Blue Diamond herself would become able to paint smiles on the soul as of Steven Universe: Future.
• Yellow Diamond's song starts with a Call-Back to Sapphire's, and doesn't get much less chaotic throughout.
  Tell me, what's the use of feeling… boobs
  YES, of course we still love bees
  And we're always thinking of her butt^note That is, Pink Diamond's
  Don't you know I miss her t0o0o0o0o0?
  But tell me… what's the use of memes?
• Holly Blue approaches Blue Diamond to tell her, "sex." Yellow turns to Blue and asks if that's what she wants.
• "myaim"
• The audio for Yellow Diamond's and Stets' claps are swapped.
• Holly Blue proves to have a one-track mind, as she starts raving about the Diamonds' apparently invisible anatomy for the entire walk back to the ship.
• We hear more crunching as Garnet punches Holly Blue, knocking her over. Pearl taunts "You're really gonna die", pokes her with three hands, and calls her "dude".

Stets Hits Up the 7-11

• In the title theme, the camera flies into Garnet's face and cracks. After a pause, the backing track keeps playing.
• Someone named Grape Eater is listed three times in the opening credits.
• Garnet vibrates like a cellphone, stands up to say "Rose…" and sits back down calmly.
• "You never know shit! What else is there to say?"
• Sapphire uses the warp pad and is still there when the beam of light disappears. Ruby still collapses to her knees and gives a Precision F-Strike as though Sapphire left.
  Stets: Shit tight, Ruby. We'll go and get snacks.
• Stets then offers Sapphire yogurt.
• The incredibly awkward staredown between Pink Diamond and Pearl, which Pink punctures with "cock" of all conversation topics. After another extended bout of silence, Pearl replies "Yes."
• "Look at this, Pearl! We're creating nothing!"
• A newly emerged Amethyst power-walks directly into Pink Diamond, even though Pink isn't physically there. In the next scene, Pink (now disguised as Rose) is amazed by the Amethysts marching back and forth.
• Followed shortly by this exchange:
  Rose Quartz: We're actually fucking! I couldn't have done this on my own!
  Pearl: You're welcome, my dude.
  Rose Quartz: [makes a velar forward-reversed noise] You're really fucking smart.
• Rose has a solemn realization.
  Rose Quartz: All this life that's been growing wild here on Earth… None of it will survive my behind. [Dramatic Thunder]
• Once again, the forward-reversed noises Rose makes as Pearl tries to lift her.
• As she shuffles on top of Rose, Pearl comments that they are being "very loud."
• Pearl calms Sapphire down in a very Strange Minds Think Alike moment.
  Pearl: Garnet changed nothing. Rose wanted to fight for herself. She wanted shellfish.
  Sapphire: That's just how I felt when I came here with… [gasps] Booby!
• Sapphire warps in on "Booby"—which is apparently her Affectionate Nickname, now—just to call herself "so saucy" and immediately warp back out.

Stets Drops the Eggs

• The episode being an April Fools' Day prank means there are only a few seconds of Steven Universe: Future edits. The bulk of it is Sunstone happily saying it's cool to jump off a cliff.
• The title card reads "Robotnik" and credits Scratch and Grounder as writers and storyboarders.
• "It's payback time, hedgehog!" Sonic pays him back.
• Robotnik orders Grounder to run over his foot.
• "I'm gonna make chicken broth that's blue!" Leads to a few soup-based Brick Jokes.
• "Excellent, sexcellent. I also now possess this cone. Now all I have to do is place them around my junk!"