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Fanfic / StarKitsProphcy

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For the record, nothing as down-to-earth as StarKit's face emerging from a circle in the sky happens in this fanfictionnote .

StarKits Prophcy (found here or here) is a Warrior Cats Troll Fic that chronicles the life of StarGleam, StarClan's chosen one, from her apprentice ceremony onward. She deals with such trials and tribulations as a Love Dodecahedron with Firestar, Graystripe, Blackstar, Hawkfrost, and Ashfur; the threat of Hollyleaf and Tigerstar as they try to take over the forest; and attempting to convert the Clans to Christianity. Somewhere along the way she discovers that she (along with the author) is a lesbian, becomes leader of ThunderClan, and dies multiple times.

It is a full-on Random Events Plot. If you really feel you must attempt to make sense of it, go ahead and read it yourself.

Dramatic readings have surfaced. They can be found here and here. Also has an animated version courtesy of Moonkitti.

Arguably the Warriors equivalent of My Immortal. See also Hidden Prophices.

The author has also started a sequel, titled Star Kits Prophec 2 The Two Sibinglgs. A new Clan called MapleClan is introduced. Stargleam and some other characters from the first fic are in StarClan, and they receive a new prophecy to pass on to the Clans. Sadly, it has since been deleted.

There is also a Japanese translation of the fanfic, strangely enough. It can be read here, though it's unfinished. It's just as nonsensical as the original.

Sandbox.Star Kits Prophcy

This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Anatomically Impossible Sex: Somehow, StarGleam has become PREGGANT by the also-female JazzSong. JazzSong even points out that this shouldn't be possible, but it's still not explained.
  • Ask a Stupid Question...:
    • After experiencing her own death, StarGleam needs to ask how she died. And then almost immediately afterwards has to ask if she is dead again.
    • '"who is StarGlaem" asked StarGleam'
  • Author Filibuster:
    • Screw the plot, using two whole chapters to teach the Clans about how important it is to find StarClan (i.e. God) is much more important.
    • The author also goes out of her way to remind us that StarGleam and HawkFrost don't have sex before getting married.
    • It strays into straight Author Tract for a while, as for a long period of time the story is more about how "wrong" it is to be gay than any consistent plot element.
  • Artistic License – Biology: StarGleam's kits come out through her stomach.
  • Artistic License – Religion:
    • The Clans have never heard of God, nor do they practice any human religions. Yet they still say "Oh my god!" (or rather "OMG!" or "MOGOSH!"), and the Ten Commandments (or rather "Ten Commons") play a role in the story.
    • The fact that anybody who doesn't like the fic is instantly a "stnist" who hates "jEssus" may count, too.
    • "11. No BENG GAY!f"
  • Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: StarGleam and JazzStar in the finale.
  • Badass Preacher: StarGleam: "ACCEPT JESUS MOTHERFUCKERS!"
  • Back from the Dead:
    • StarGleam (twice), AshFir, and all the cats listed under Unexplained Recovery.
    • Although Tigerstar and Hawkfrost are both dead in canon, they both seem to be alive for the purposes of this fic.
    • Dustpelt also dies in Chapter 10, but is chosen for a patrol a few chapters later
  • Bears Are Bad News: Hollyleaf "turned in.... A BARE!"
  • Because Destiny Says So:
    • Apparently, StarGleamStar has to become evil because "its my destinty I no that now."
    • When StarGleam begs FluffyKit not to die, he has this to say: "'I have tos tarGleam its my detsinty.'"
  • Beginner's Luck: Chapter three, in which Firestar praises Starpaw with words of wisdom: "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter"
  • Beige Prose: Especially early in the story.... "The cats gathered around a pool. They all looked into it eagerly. A dark shape appeared on the surface. A blue she cat looked up. Her eyes were bright."
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: Hawkfrost is listed as both the author's favorite and least favorite Warriors character on her (archived) FF page.
  • Big "NO!":
    • The first one debuts in chapter 12, and they get more and more frequent until there's one or more per chapter.
    • There is also a Big Moo, and a Big "~!11!11!1!1!11!1!11!1!1!1!11!1!1!11!111111".
    • What do you get when you combine Gratuitous Japanese with Big "NO!"? "IIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE !1!"
  • Big Word Shout: There's one on nearly every page.
  • Black Comedy Rape: BlackStar's "MOLE STRAEP" of StarPaw in chapter five comes across this way unintentionally.
  • Bloodier and Gorier: The lack of obedience for the Warrior Code results in many cats dying and plenty of blood to go around.
  • Cain and Abel: TigerKit and FluffyKit.
  • CamelCase: In the original series, the "Clan" in ThunderClan is always capitalized, whereas the suffixes of the names never are. This fanfic inverts that, other than the occasional mistake which corrects the original mistake.
  • Captain Obvious: "You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly." StarPaw gasped. "What does it mean?"
  • Cargo Ship: In-Universe. Jayfeather mentions being in love with a stick, meaning the author has decided to make Jay×Stick canon. This is probably the only Canon Defilement that most fans won't object to, since a lot of them already ship him and the stick anyway.
    After al this tim she finds out that her fathe loved a sTICK. SHE GAPD IN SHOC.
  • Cast from Hit Points: StarGleam's final attack on the villains.
  • Chest Burster:
    • StarGleam gives birth to kits through a "BRAKE in her stomchi", with hefty doses of Artistic License – Biology.
    • This is taken up a notch in the Christmas Special, where the birth of Starkit is shown. The scene plays out exactly like the birth of Jesus. This quote from the chapter says it all: "This is our savor." said Bluesatr. "We know it. We sae t in the stars. Starkit will ne JESUSS!1!1!1!11"
  • Clueless Aesop: The author's attempts to teach us that "BENG GAY!f" is wrong. And the evangelism.
  • Comically Missing the Point:
    • 'Also im not a torll!1 ppl tell me Im ver petty!'
    • Also in 'Chatper Forr GayStripe'
      "OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED. 'No ur much prtter then sourg' said Graystripe
  • Conflict Ball: Three toms decide they want StarPaw for themselves, leaving StarPaw upset and indecisive about which one to like.
    • Now with the added conflict that she seems to be in love with Hawkfrost and she doesn't want to be (even though she seems perfectly fine with other cats WHO ALREADY HAVE MATES liking her...)
      • But this gets resolved when she just becomes Hawkfrost's mate anyway, without any complaints at all.
    • Now Ashfur is after her, too.
  • Crossover: Given the geographical and species barriers, the HoBare may be the closest we'll get to having a Warrior Cats/Seekers crossover.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle:
    • Every single "fight" consists of one character running towards another character, and the other character dying.
    • The final chapter when StarGleam destroys all evil with Frickin' Laser Beams
  • Death is Cheap: So far, every single character who has died has come back (with or without explanation). Until the last chapter.
  • Department of Redundancy Department:
    • '"Gasped" gasped everyone.'
    • And '"Today is important today."'
    • 'Then they were in the Fark Forest. It was dark. Here was no mono 2 lighte the way and it wass heard to see.'
    • 'Her reinbow eyes where glowed lick skys after rani' (Translation: Her rainbow eyes glowed like a rainbow)
    • 'it hert StarFleam! It hurt.'
    • 'StarPaw wondered threw the forst madly. She was anger.y.'
    • "She turned in.... A BARE!" One sentence later: "It was a bare!"
    • "'Hi she said.' 'Hi.' He said. 'Hi.' She rippled."
    • 'StarGlema the puprle cat / Was a vrey purpel cat'
    • At least one chapter has several lines of dialogue written twice in a row, word for word.
  • Diabolus ex Machina: TigerStar and Hollyleaf suddenly show up at the end of GlaemStar's leadership ceremony and start causing trouble, until...
  • Don't Like? Don't Read!: "OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know."
  • Dramatic Ellipsis: Frequently used, in much the same vein as My Immortal.
  • Dramatic Reading: All of which are Troper Works.
  • Dramatis Personae: The "Alliances" prologue, much like in the source material.
  • Dull Surprise: After informing StarGleam of BlackStar's "swisscide" and observing her shocked reaction, all FireStar can say in response is...
    FierStart: i know rite.
  • Emphasize EVERYTHING: If the author can find an excuse to use capslock, she will.
  • Everything's Better With Sparkles:
    • GleamStar's "checks" are very sparkly.
  • Fan Art:
  • Fan Disservice: The author tries to make all of the same-sex kisses into this. It doesn't work. Given that the gay and lesbian characters come off as a lot more generous, kind, and reasonable than the hero, the failure here was basically a foregone conclusion.
  • Fanime: Someone is creating an animated series out of the fic.
  • Flat "What":
    • '"Yo couldt kill im becas u're nut dead." "what" said StarGleam'
    • "'what.' said TigerKit hi shocked."
  • Freudian Slip: Several. Highlights include 'GayStrip locked at hr meanly.', '"without them we wold be lust."', '"NO!" shitted SarPaw Again runnin into the forst.', '"IM A SHAPSHITTER!" siad Hollylea joyly.', 'Wit a rar like an volcano erection she jumped at StarGlaem!' and 'StarGleam shitting her paws', "They all new infancy it was she whom was beng mad a warrior", "We'll start with how to dog", "GayStrip locked at hr meanly".
  • Gayngst:
    • StarGleam has a moment of Teh Gay when she thinks RedPaw is beautiful. She does, however, quickly re-convince herself that she is "street."
    • And now RedPaw and LakePool feel sad because they aren't allowed to be in love... d'awww.
    • Also becomes in inversion, since all of the gay and lesbian couples are perfectly happy; it's StarPaw that constantly wangsts at the fact that they're gay.
  • Generic Doomsday Villain: Er... what were Hollyleaf and Tigerstar's motives again?
  • Giftedly Bad: The author, xdark.rosesx. It's a wonder she managed to spell her username correctly. Even that's questionable, as on the official Warrior Cats forum, where she has made one or two posts, her handle is "xdarkrosesx"; perhaps the period was a mistake.
  • Girl on Girl Is Hot: Inverted as much as physically possible to justify the author's homophobia... Until later.
  • Glowing Eyes of Doom: In Chapter 45, GleamStar's eyes begin to glow when she gets "ANGNRY."
  • Gosh Dang It to Heck!: In the author's note at the end of chapter 17, the author berates all bad reviewers for not believing in "Gosh".
  • Gratuitous French:
  • Gratuitous German: ThunderClan is once referred to as Donderclan.
    • In Chatper 45 THE DEATH nd berayal, StarGleam is once referred to as SternGleam.
    • Chapter NEIN is probably unintentional.
  • Gratuitous Japanese:
    • Both Firestar and Hawkfrost think StarPaw is "kawaii". Of course, since the characters aren't actually speaking English in the first place, and all the other languages seen are those of other animals which are simply rendered as barking/growling/whatever noise said animal makes, one could assume this is roughly the equivalent of a cat mooing. StarGleam actually does moo once thanks to a combination of Big "NO!" and Rouge Angles of Satin.
    • StarGleam seems to get referred to as "Kawaii" more and more as the fic goes on.
    • Hawkfrost once elects to use "iie" rather than "no."
      • And there's StarGleam's "IIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE !1!" from Chapter 30.
    • Hawkfrost is occasionally referred to with Japanese Honorifics, as "Hacky-kin" or "Hawky-kun". Also, two of the chapter intros have the author calling one of her friends "jazzie-kun".
    • "'do you want to fo huntibg with me desu ka?'"
  • Heel–Face Turn:
    • Hawkfrost has been turned good by StarGleam's kawaii-ness.
    • Many readers also find the author, and by extension, StarGleam more sympathetic after she stops being a "homophone".
  • The Hero Dies: In the final chapter.
  • Hide Your Gays: "The elfenth commonment is NO BEING GAY!11"
  • Homosexual Reproduction: Jazzsong and Stargleam. Also counts as G-Rated Sex, as it appears that the characters hadn't had any kind of opportunity to engage in intercourse (even if that would somehow get them pregnant).
  • It's Personal: Stargleam, when Tigerstar kills Fluffykit.
  • Killed Off for Real: FluffyKit and StarGleam in the last chapter.
  • Lame Comeback: "YEAH WELL YOUR GAY!11111!"
  • Large Ham: The author herself seems very fond of capslock.
  • Let's See YOU Do Better!: "i bet u cant right such a good story!1!1"
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: StarPaw mentions that she has discovered SLASH, meaning that she has apparently gone around reading other fan fics.
  • Logical Fallacies: The author admits to herself that she is a lesbian after she discovers slash. How reading stories about two men makes someone realise that they like women is a mystery. It could be process of elimination.
  • May–December Romance: StarGleam and Firestar, Blackstar, or Graystripe; any one of those would be this. Also Hollyleaf and Tigerstar.
  • Point of View: Is usually told in third person, but spontaneously switches to first for two sentences in Chapter 25 The Ask Qestion.
  • Precision F-Strike: "ACCEPT JESUS MOTHERFUCKERS!" This also the only time in the entire fic that the word "Jesus" is spelled correctly, as well as the only time the F-word or any swear words are even used intentionally.
  • Protagonist-Centered Morality: The author apparently believes that the laws of morality change to suit her needs. Up until Chapter 28: No BENG GAY!f and "being lesbna is WONG!" Chapter 28: she discovers that she is a lesbian (by reading slash). Chapter 30: "JUSES MIGHT LIKE GAT PPPL NOW BUT THAT DOENT MEAN EH LIKKS FLAMMERS". Please, God, let it be a Troll Fic...
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: "YOU! CANT! BE! GAY!"
  • Purple Prose:
    • Scarringly. Somehow it manages to be this and Beige Prose at the same time.
    "'noooooo' said GleamStart. She was greif. Teras falled down her sparkling grey checks. The shoned like the sun on her spakling checks. Her reinbow eyes where glowed lick skys after rani.. It was beutifly thohth HawkForts."
    • "Hw was too tired Starlgema roped her claws down his nicke her esyes robbling!11 She was so beutufl in btale thought. Hr bleu fur shone in the moanlight!1 her eyes burned with NGR. She was one of the barviest cats the hades ever seen."
  • Recycled In SPACE: For some ungodly reason, xdark.rosesx, as a special Christmas treat, posted the lyrics of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer as chapter thirty-nine...but it's called "STAREGLAEM THE PRUPEL CAT!1111!"
  • Reincarnation: StarGleam is "riencarted" after being struck by lightning.
  • Retcon: "BENG GAY!f" suddenly stops being a sin in Chapter 28.
  • Rouge Angles of Satin: All the time, from the chapter titles to the character names and everything in between.
    • Notable examples are how "Hollylea" is now a "SHAPSHITTER" who can turn into a "bare", and when "TiggerStraw" tries to kill "FuhrStar" with "SOME JEW!"
    • There is even one instance of "satan" becoming "satin".
      • Don't forget, people who flame the story are "stnits" who don't believe in "ljess".
      • Ljess?
      • As far as misspellings related to the author's religious fanaticism go, on her profile she says she hates Cloudtail and Mothwing because they're "athletes".
    • Bizarrely averted with the word "rogue" itself, which is actually spelled right. Of course, considering the nature of the fic, this could, in the author's mind, actually be a spelling error.
    • In Chapter Sixteen, the Moonpool mysteriously changes to the 'MoonSnot'.
    • StarKit tells RedPaw and LakePaw to stop being "plebians".
    • Chapter 27 the Mameries has a literal example, Satinclan.
    • In one of the most WTF-inducing instances of this, NightRain changes from NightStorm to RAINspolash.
  • Rule of Drama: The only reason anything happens in this story.
  • Satan: In the form of SatinClaw.
  • Saying Sound Effects Out Loud:
    • '"Gasped" gasped everyone.'
    • '"gigle" he said'
  • Say My Name: "FLAMEAPWWW!" "Fuhrstar!" "LIonHEAR!" And so on.
  • Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The prophecy oddly turns out to be this because "Tiger" was referring to Tigerkit, who wouldn't have been born without Glamestar, even though Tigerstar himself was also to blame for the trouble.
  • Sex Is Violence: One can only assume that Hawkfrost and Ashfur's makeout session was a result of this.
  • Shout-Out: Maybe—"What are you inncolent fools doing?" said HawkFrost.
  • Sky Face: In the last chapter, StarGleam (who somehow died when using Frickin' Laser Beams to kill the bad guys)'s face appears in the sun and winks at her Clanmates.
  • Stealth Parody: We can only hope it's a parody of bad fanfiction...
  • Sudden Name Change: At the end of Chatper Forr GayStripe, Graystripe asks StarGleam who she picks. Starpaw doesn't get her warrior name until chapter 9.
  • The Chessmaster: Soul, who was behind everything. Possibly supposed to be Sol.
  • Third-Person Person: Just a moment (unless this is No Punctuation Period moment?)
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: "ACCEPT JESUS MOTHERFUCKERS!" Doesn't use the word "bitch," but it still counts.
  • Troll Fic: Hopefully. Though at the last line of the fanfic the author finally breaks character with perfect spelling and grammar.
  • The Unfavorite: StarGleam's third kit, FireKit, has been mentioned a grand total of twice.
  • Unexplained Recovery: Jayfeather, RedPaw, LakePool, FlamePelt, Lionblaze, and TigerStar all die and show up again for no apparent reason.
  • Unusual Chapter Numbers:
    • The chapters are ordered "oen", "to", three, three, "For", five, six, "Ate", "NEIN", ten, 11, 12, 13, "Fortene", "Fiften", sixteen, 17, "Eitheen", 19, 19, 20, 21, "NextChapter", 23, 22, 25, 27, 27, 28, 30, 31, 23, 24, thirty-two, 333, 34, 34, un-numbered Christmas Special, "Fourty," 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, and "47 EPILOUGE."
    • After the fic was originally removed from FanFiction.Net, the early chapters were renumbered "oen", "too", "thee", four, "Forr", "Fivee", six, "Sven", seven, "Nien", ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, "Eithen", "Ninten", then continuing as before from "Chapter 19 The Nwe Love" (which is actually the 20th chapter excluding the prologue).
  • World of Ham: Everyone is fond of shouting things at the top of their lungs.