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In Name Only: There's literally nothing carrying over from the magazine save for the title.
Insane Troll Logic: Marvels of the Science. Also, the sole operating principle behind Bucholz' series of advice-hotline parodies (typically, the solution to "So Your Clone Is Trying to Murder You" somehow involves the line "MY LOVE. MY HEART. WE HAVE ARRANGED FOR ME TO GIVE YOU CRISPY LOVE.")
The Internet Is for Porn: Constantly referenced. Two notable uses: Swaim watching pornography and describing what he sees to the viewer (because Cracked is ostensibly a family website and they won't host actual porn), and in The Web Of Sites, part of the Agents series, Swaim finally learns that the internet exists and says:
"I typed in porn, and porn came up! I typed in breakfast, and porn came up! It's the perfect system!"
Intrepid Reporter: Sometimes the columnists write out first-person stories, sometimes it's about them doing article research. Special mention goes to Chris Bucholz, who seems to do hands-on reporting 80% of the time.
Kick the Son of a Bitch: Robert Brockway mentions killing an old woman for her eyeglasses in Fallout: New Vegas, having taken the Four-Eyes trait and didn't find glasses anywhere else; however the woman sold a pregnant woman into slavery and would have been killed in a quest anyway.
5 Surprising Ways Your Language Affects How You Think starts by citing a study that found the correlation between grammatical gender in the language (der, die, das, or el, la) and a measurable lack of female workforce participation in the culture. It goes on to mention more studies about how use of a particular language by a bilingual speaker leads to more analytical thinking, shifting of ethnic prejudices, and shifting of expectations of family unity.
"In Marvel world, the odds of winding up with super powers are less than half the chance of being hit by lightning (although to be fair, being hit by lightning in the Marvel universe would probably give you superpowers).
This sketch mocks this trope thoroughly. Bonus points for actually using the exact name of the trope.
Also examined in this article, which thoroughly explores the implications of the trope:
Hollywood is still teaching women that "dumb" is "attractive," they're just hipsterfying it. I don't know when it happened (maybe after Clueless?), but sometime after the '90s, "Quirky Eccentric Weird Chick" became the new Bimbo. She's just as insultingly one-dimensional as the archetypal Ditsy Blonde Bombshell Valley Girl character that was all over the place a decade ago, except now she wears vintage knee-socks and listens to The Smiths, and that's supposed to be better, for some reason.
Mighty Whitey: Cracked loves to accuse film and other entertainment companies of racism and sexism, despite the fact that their writing staff has always been composed almost exclusively by white males. As such, they both satirize and play this trope straight at the same time.
When a Chinese-American woman joined the team, each of her articles' comments have been filled with almost nothing but contempt for her for being non-white and female.
Mistaken for Racist: The author of this article explains how a video he made (called "Straya Day") came back to bite him after this happened because of too many people watching it not realizing it was satirical.
This article about intellectual property (which it calls Forced Artificial Scarcity, or FArtS) uses only copyrighted works of authorship (that is, media) as examples, failing to mention potential examples of patented works of engineering (that is, inventions) that arguably power more of the economy.
They've been aiming to avert this as of late 2013. They had a call in the forums to ask their members for information about their life experiences, so they can get the story from people who have experienced things firsthand.
Seanbaby gets fairly frequent comments from straight men who'd like to have his children.
Soren Bowie, who regularly has to cull his booty call lists and frequently gets compliments on his handsomeness from guys (who also explicitly mention their heterosexuality). Also, almost-naked-stripper Soren in a military uniform in the "Worst Bachelorette Party Ever" video.
John Cheese suggests in 4 Ways the New Season of 'Heroes' Can Avoid Sucking that the writers of Heroes make the 2014 volume less boring by showing characters "using their powers to do normal, everyday things like making coffee with telekinesis or removing snakes from their yard with that snake tornado spell."
The Nicknamer: DOB tends to give nicknames to everyone that change every time he refers to them in rapid succession. The nicknames are either puns, insults, terms of endearment, or a disturbing combination of all three.
And they're all usually directed at his boss Jack O'Brien. To name a few: Jaxploitation, Jack to the Future, Jackbook Air, Jacts of Life, etc.
Non-Indicative Title: Many times a Photoplasty will have a title with a vastly different title from the original topic where viewers posted the entries, explaining why some entries do not fit the description and are thus criticized in the comments (i.e. Artsy Posters for Low Brow Films -> 28 Artsy Posters for the Crappiest Movies Ever).
Many a article will have it (to the point complaining about title inaccuracy is a Running Gag on the comments). At least once they lampshaded:
One of the survivors was put in a program called Paws for Tales, where kids too shy to read aloud to human audiences practice their reading skills in front of dogs. No, really. That's not a sarcastic fake program we made up. (And that's not a stock image. That's Jonny Justice, the actual dog we're talking about.)
Cezary Jan Strusiewicz: However, this completely unnecessary death of one of the most inspiring characters in cinema history isn't the main reason why you should be happy this script never went to film. That honor belongs to a sequence early on in the movie where the Kents are changing baby Clark's diapers and are horrified to discover that Kryptonian poop is way smellier than human poop. (image of a section of the script describing exactly that) Image caption: You thought that I was kidding, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!
The site invoked this with a rather touchy column excoriating The Daily Show and Jon Stewart for using the logo for the old Cracked magazine as the punny graphical accompaniment for a segment. The site considers the magazine to be something of an Old Shame and doesn't think it's fair to be associated with it.
Once per Episode: A bust photo of a large-breasted woman with only a single button closed on her shirt and nothing underneath is shoehorned into the majority of the lists, which usually hang a lampshade on it when she appears.
They eventually ID'd her in this article. Her name is Kate, and she has a face.◊
Open Secret: It's been pointed out that if The Dark Knight Saga gunned for realism, as this video shows, Bruce Wayne's "secret" identity as Batman isn't so secret any more. In this case, it's kept hushed by having Commissioner Gordon go to some gossiping teenage girls and forcing them to sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Power Perversion Potential: 6 Substances That Wipe Their Ass with the Laws of Physics gives us LiquiGlide, a completely natural (and edible) material that prevents any and every type of condiment from sticking inside the bottle. Ketchup, Mayonaise, everything. This quickly escalates into the idea of using it on your dishes so you don't have to wash them again, but the food you apply to the plate will then fly off like a frisbee at the slightest application of motion.
Of course, you will have to worry about the slightest arm motion sending your frictionless mac-and-cheese Frisbeeing off your plate and across the living room — but hey, just LiquiGlide the walls and you're all set. And the floors. And the couch. LiquiGlide everything. LiquiGlide. Everything. *Shows a picture focused on a male underwear model's crotch* EVERYTHING.
The President's Daughter: There used to be an article called "6 Helpful Tips for Kidnapping the President's Daughters," which was taken down after the person who wrote it, DOB, was confronted by the FBI and Secret Service.
"[S]omehow [Spider-Spider-Man was pregnant with Peter Parker, in human form, fully aged, and then died giving birth to himself. Of all the sentences we thought we'd never get to write, that was easily in our top twenty."
The video that shows that the Mystery Machine gang from Scooby-Doo would have a lot of trouble with the police in real life whenever they got involved in a mystery.
"The Reason You Suck" Speech: Most of David Wong's articles consist of this due to his habit of writing almost exclusively in the second person. It's one of, if not the biggest, reasons he's such a divisive figure among readers.
Red Oni, Blue Oni: In "The 5 Most Seemingly Sinister Google Behaviors," Host Breandan Carter splits into blue and orange shirted versions of himself, in order to debate the pros and cons of Google.
Rule of Cool/Rule of Funny: Cracked has refined these into a logical heuristic, frequently stating that given a lack of concrete evidence as to what happened, we are forced to assume the most bizarre, awesome, and/or ridiculous scenario.
(the end of the section about how female characters' clothing has become more stripperiffic, especially with underraged girls) It's almost as if costume departments are made up entirely of creepy uncles. (the end of the section about female protagonists being lesser in number recently, epsecially authoritative female protagonists) Hmm, it's almost as if these movies are getting cast by dudes who only see women as decoration. (the end of the section about female Token Minority characters being fewer in number) It's almost as if ... well, you get the idea.
The word "Baffling" is often used in titles of articles.
Similar to their love of Roosevelt is their love of Nikola Tesla, and their complete and utter ball-crushing hatred of Thomas Edison. Like Roosevelt, this is because the things you could make up about either man in favor of their position on said man are only slightly less exaggerated than real life.
Have we mentioned Australia yet? Well, Cracked does a lot.
Scandalgate: Named the number four thing the media loves pretending are news. Parodied in the same segment by "Gatesgategate", a hypothetical scandal involving then-Secretary of Defense Robert Gates misappropriating public funds to install a new gate on his property.
Science Is Bad: "7 Ways Science will kill you by X" is practically a template. Only matched by the number of articles about horrifying animals.
Seen on Cracked itself in the comments section, due to a word filter that targets a given word sequence even as part of a larger word. For instance, the racial slur "Jap" is rendered as "J*p" so that it'll also catch "Japs" and turn it into "J*ps", and consequently the comments on an article about Japanese subcultures talked about "j*pan" (in lowercase). This makes writing "j*panese" a bit of a problem. "Cum" is also banned, so you can't say "doc*mentary". "Cock" is banned as well, which is a problem since most articles are made of dick jokes. "Spic" makes it a problem writing the word "susp*cious". We could list a whole bunch of examples. Basically, their filter s*cks d*ck.
Self-Deprecation: Everyone who contributes to Cracked are always most likely to take a cheap shot at people that are like them, or Cracked itself. The main contributors are also likely to talk about how much of an asshole they are, the sad fact that they write internet articles,r and that they work at a headquarters that serves gruel-like slop and doesn't have indoor plumbing.
Christina H frequently laments how fat and ugly she is, even while explaining why women tend to have artificially low opinions of themselves.
6 Dinosaur Superpowers That Science Just Discovered starts off explaining how powerful a T-Rex's arms really were. The first line starts with "Tyrannosaurus Rex was the Tyrannosaurus Rex of the dinosaur world. You don't need metaphors when you've got a bite force in excess of the weight of an African elephant."
Snake Oil Salesman / All-Natural Snake Oil: 5 Awesome Things With Inexplicably Bad Reputations tells of how the whole snake oil concept comes from the Chinese immigrants from the 1800s. They used Chinese Water Snakes to make the oil from, which is incredibly high in Omega 3 fatty acids, good for use as an anti-inflammatory. Since it was a tad difficult to obtain a snake not native to North America, they had to use poorer substitutes like rattlesnake oil and cow fat.
Sophisticated as Hell: Pretty much all the articles have a hint of this, especially those by the main contributors.
Seanbaby: I think the moral of the story is that human life was cheap in the '40s. Batman and Robin crack jokes over a dead body while it's still twitching. Also, Batman brags every time he counts to 10.
The Stinger: As of 2012, all of Cracked's videos when posted to YouTube have added at the end of them humorous messages from Cracked's staff asking people to subscribe to the channel. Highlights include DOB failing at impressions, "Sorenrotica", and Cody acting wacky and ending with "Cracked you later!"
Stock Footage: Swaim's co-host in Cracked TV, "Clippy", which consists of out-of-context clips from films or viral media, such as "Orientation guy from The Hudsucker Proxy", "Still-lives of fruit alongside Holocaust survivors", and "Clips of chips."
Stupid Sexy Soren! Whenever Soren Bowie is mentioned by another columnist, or, in fact, anyone, this seems to come up a lot. Likely originated in 5 Terrifying Things Movies Don't Tell You About Los Angeles, where for entry #2, Robert Brockway talks about how every job requires you to submit a resume with a face photo, and offered images of himself and his co-workers as examples, with Soren being the first among them. A significant segment of the comments talked about how good-looking Soren was, and a meme was born.
Suspiciously Specific Denial: Robert Brockway loudly and repeatedly interrupts Ian Fortey's last article to insist that he did not kill Ian Fortey, had no reason too, didn't make sure he had the opportunity to and certainly had made no detailed plans to kill him. So much so that he's still insisting it immediately after someone else matter-of-factly confesses to it.
Take That: The tendency to mock MAD has continued, especially since the magazine's sales figures have been in decline whilst Cracked has enjoyed a reasonable amount of success as a website. This article is a good example, which, upon closer reading, can be seen as a "The Reason You Suck" Speech towards Mad.
The children's cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic inexplicably has a legion of obsessively weird adult male fans who proudly refer to themselves as "bronies," because the Internet has made it much easier for people to confuse "individuality" with "being a sociopath."
Cyan is the color most of us know as the one they keep painting aquarium gift shops in. It's also what they make the Jacksonville Jaguars play in, a team largely composed of aquarium gift shop employees.
We can't rightly extrapolate that out to say "Roddy Piper thinks They Live was a documentary." He's never said anything of the sor- (screenshot of thisTwitter message from Piper) Image Caption: ... oh.
The Unintelligible: Depending on the article, people either understand what Chris Bucholz is saying or see him as entirely unintelligible as no one can decipher the gibberish language he calls ‘Canadian English.’
All of the articles relating to dick moves done by players in online gaming discusses how people take this trope and ran with it to grandiose and creative heights. At least one or two on every list so far has mentioned EVE Online.
Articles about public institutions can also be confusing for Non-Americans. "x number Truths about y" will invariably be about the US version, though it will not be explicitly stated. This means that anyone with knowledge about their country's 'y' can be sat thinking 'that isn't right'.
List of Heroes also tend to be heavy US-centric, making you think few great people live outside the US.
Anything about Teen-sex seems to rely on SoCalization, making British (and others) wonder what the pre-occupation with 17 year olds is.
We Have Reserves: This article details that this was pretty much Ancient Rome's primary tactic for warfare. The first war against Carthage resulted in 100,000 troops being lost in a single day, and the war lasted for more than a decade and a half after that. The 2nd Carthaginian War resulted in over 400,000 Roman soldiers lost before the enemies finally lost, and Rome didn't give a damn.
''The Roman Empire wasn't really interested in outwitting its opponents — it just outlasted them. If Rome had a problem, it kept throwing troops at it until it stopped causing trouble.
Wiki Walk: OK, they're not actually a wiki, but it is really easy to get trapped for a long time just by clicking the links at the end of each article. If they were to drop the last two letters, their name would be almost chillingly appropriate. It's a good thing Cracked is free.
The addition of the Random Article button does even more to add to it.