Hey there, pal. Why am I here, you ask? Simple. Heard a certain electrokinetic humie that I know from an old gig decided to show up here and talk about himself. But I'm a fun guy and good sport, so I just couldn't let that guy hog all the glory, so here I am to quite literally steal some of his thunder. note
Now, I'm sure some of you more seasoned guys and gals don't need any real introduction from yours truly, but if you do...I should probably start right at the beginning.
The name's Sly. Sly Cooper. And I'm an art lover, a bon vivant, and as you all should know, an internationally famous master thief. In fact, us Coopers ourselves are a long, long line of master thieves dating all the way back to the Ice Age. (No joke!) And yes, hearing me say "I'm a thief" may concern you on a personal level, but my family line's always followed a code to steal only from other thieves. No honor, challenge or fun can be found in stealing from the common man, so you can consider your wallet safe. For now.
And now for the bit you've probably been waiting for: my own tale as a master thief starts back when I was eight, on the night that I was supposed to inherit from my father our family's greatest treasure, the Thievius Raccoonus. It was a trusty guidebook of thieving knowledge that the Cooper Clan had passed down to the next generation, and with it, young-me hoped that he'd learn everything he needed to be especially sneaky in his future career.
But fate had other plans. A band of power-hungry crime lords called the Fiendish Five broke in, struck down my parents and ripped out the pages of the Thievius Raccoonus, before taking them to the four...er, five corners of the earth. As I found out later, they were headed by our family's greatest arch-nemesis Clockwerk, a giant owl who achieved immortality through a twisted combination of replacing his body with machinery and fueling himself with pure jealousy and hate for my family line. What a sociopath.
After that incident made me lose just about everything near and dear to me, I was shipped off to the Happy Camper Orphanage. But hope was not lost, and it was there I gained two new friends and lifelong partners in crime: Bentley, resident turtle boy who does machines, cracks codes and serves as the brains behind our operations, and Murray, our getaway driver, and who's grown all the way from a ham-fisted burden to our loud and proud enforcer over the course of our adventures. And ever since that first meeting at the orphanage (and a premiere cookie-stealing heist), the three of us've more or less been as close as brothers.
As the years went on, our outfitthe Cooper Gangtruly began to take off, and despite humble beginnings, we started pulling some daring heists in big-name places all over the world. Paris, Bombay, you name it. And how could I forget about my first run-in with the especially lovely and passionate Interpol inspector Carmelita Fox? Ah, those were the days.
Ten years after my parents' death, we finally found a lead on the Fiendish Five and started our big mission to hunt them down and take back the Thievius Raccoonus. Outwitting each member took some tricky maneuvering and split-second thinking, but we managed to take them down one by one and used all the pages they stole to restore the Thievius Raccoonus. Even Carmelita herself stepped in for a bit when it came to putting Clockwerk and his Death Ray out of commission, but after that was over and I gave her a little token of my gratitude, we soon returned to our usual game of cat and mouse.
After a couple years' worth of other adventures, our gang learned that the Museum of Natural History in Cairo was putting Clockwerk's mechanical parts up on exhibition, so we pulled a job to steal and destroy them for good. Unfortunately for us and everyone else, by the time we arrived, they were already stolen by the Klaww Gang, a new crime syndicate whose members planned to use each part as instruments for a grander scheme. To make things even tougher, Carmelita had a new partner named Constable Neyla who we knew definitely had something up with her. After a lot of twists and turns in our crusade against our new foes, including me and Murray getting captured for at least a week, Neyla framing Carmelita for conspiring with us, and all the Clockwerk parts we nabbed from the Klaww Gang getting stolen back at the last minute, we found out she was in league with them from day one.
Having already backstabbed everyone else, she hijacked Clockwerk's body herself to cause chaos. While we managed to stop her new "Clock-La" form and end Clockwerk's reign of terror for good this time, Bentley's legs were crushed as a result of the scuffle. When Carmelita showed up to arrest us just after all was said and done, I knew how much my friends went through during this long journey of ours, so I agreed to turn myself into Interpol on the pretense that they would be allowed to walk free. But they gave me a little help before leaving, and I managed to give Carmelita the old slip yet again. That was one very long caper.
Sometime in the following year, I broke into a high-security prison to have a word with a guy named McSweeney, the retired muscle of my father's own outfit. Through him, I learned about a place called Kaine Island and the Cooper Vault full of my family's treasure hidden on it. We soon found out that a mad scientist named Dr. M (who I'd later learn was the estranged brains of my dad's old outfit, incredible, isn't it) had already spent years trying to break into the vault himself. With the vault being hard enough to get into even without Dr. M's personal fortification of the island, Bentley and I knew that it would take more than just us three to pull off such a tough caper.
So it became the goal of our next adventure to find other world-class thieves, recruit them, and pull off our toughest heist yet, with Carmelita hot on our tail as usual. Murray was our first recruit, having spent the last year trying to find himself after the Clock-La incident. Next, we recruited his mentor in the mystic art of Dreamtime, the Guru. We then completed our gang with RC expert Penelope (who got together with Bentley during that caper) and two of our former foes: the Panda King of the Fiendish Five, and Dimitri Lousteau of the Klaww Gang. With our gang finally assembled, we all set off to Kaine Island for the grand heist.
In spite of a couple setbacks and a quick brush with death, we were finally able to get to the Cooper Vault. After I traversed it and reached its innermost sanctum, Dr. M followed me there to crush me and take the Coopers' treasure for himself. After a fight that was long and hard enough to shake the Vault to its limit, Carmelita arrived in the nick of time to arrest us both. I took a blast meant for her from Dr. M and after finishing him off, she came over to me to see how I was doing. I took the opportunity and pretended that the attack made me lose my memory, and after she told the seemingly-amnesiac me that I was her "partner", we quickly hightailed it out of the Vault as it collapsed.
So Carmelita and I were finally able to enjoy each others' company as a result of what happened at Kaine Island, and I pretty much retired from thievery. It was a nice break. But I suppose you still can't make a raccoon change his stripes that easily, so after a while I secretly began plans to pull off one last heist. But just as I was about to make my move, Bentley appeared in order to tell me that entries in the Thievius Raccoonus were starting to disappear as a result of something affecting history. He, Murray and I soon reunited and, using Bentley's newly-finished time machine, made it our mission to travel to different eras in time (such as the Old West and the aforementioned Ice Age), save each of my ancestors and find out just who the culprit messing with them was.
Later into our adventure, we caught up with Carmelita (who was definitely not happy about the whole "lying about amnesia" thing, but I was still able to kinda make things up with her), as she was also thrown through time by the same mastermind who started this whole messLe Paradox, an egomaniacal art collector and the latest member of his own lineage of master thieves. We learned that Penelope had sold us out and gave Le Paradox a time-traveling blimp of his own so that he could topple my ancestors' legacy and steal their canes to use as his own personal trophies. After we fixed all the damage he and his cronies did to Cooper history, I finally confronted him on said blimp as its time machine finally broke, but at the last second he escaped with my paraglider and left me on the blimp for dead.
And that's the last thing I remember happening before waking up alone in ancient Egypt along with what was left of Le Paradox's time machine. As of now, I still don't know when my friends are finally going to find and rescue me, and I dread that it might not be any time soon, so getting comfortable here and maybe seeing if I can meet up with one of the Slytunkamens is probably the best option for now. Besides, I think the endless view of sand from every direction is actually starting to grow on me.
But besides my usual capers of going on globetrotting heists, I've also had a few other excursions here and there, some good and some not. There was this one time (can't remember when) where Bentley and I were kidnapped by aliens who forced us to compete alongside a long-eared cat guy, a robot, an elf, and a short guy with a loud mouth in some weird space dimension Olympics. Me and Bentley have never really brought that incident up again. I also vaguely recall a time when I traveled to a bunch of weird places and traded fists with some people while looking for a couple missing pages of the Thievius Raccoonus, eventually finding them in the hands of some bargain bin treasure hunter who wouldn't give them up the easy way.
And apparently I was also supposed to get my big-screen debut a while back, but thanks to some backlash, the aforementioned cat-creature messing everything up and a few other things, it's more or less been swept under the rug. But some say I might have better luck as a TV star, so who knows what'll happen next?
And now that you've heard about my exciting career, you might as well stay to take a deeper look at my endearing quirks and tools of the trade when it comes to the fine art of thievery. Just don't forget that this place is almost as good at stealing your time as I am at stealing everything else. Have fun, pal!
Here's all you need to know about me:
- Ace Pilot: As unexpected as it is, I'm pretty good with a plane...
- Universal Driver's License: ...and a hovercraft, a submarine, a jetpack...
- Amnesiac Lover: Faked it after the Cooper Vault job to be with Carmelita. When she figured out the truth, she, er, didn't take it very well.
- Ancestral Weapon: My trusty cane, inherited from my father. All Coopers had a cane of their own, but a lot of them varied in shape and size. Rioichi from feudal Japan had a bamboo cane, Sir Galleth from Medieval-era England had a sword shaped like a cane, the list goes on.
- Anti-Hero: Make no mistake, pal. I may have stopped more than a few guys from doing terrible stuff to more than a few places, but I'm still a wanted crook. No badge of honor for me. But of course, all the people I've saved these places from were even worse criminals...
- Bag of Spilling: Yeah, I'm... more than a little out of practice on performing some of my clan's trademark thieving skills, but I can still do the Ninja Spire Jump and Rail Slide moves as good as I ever did.
- Beauty, Brains, and Brawn: I'm the "Beauty", Bentley's the "Brains," and Murray's the "Brawn."
- Blatant Burglar: Mask, hat, it's pretty much self-explanatory. But with or without it, I'm still pretty good at my job, so why fix what isn't broken?
- Cane Fu: That family heirloom is more than just for show, folks.
- Childhood Friends: With Bentley and Murray ever since our orphanage days. Once again, a guy couldn't ask for a better gang of friends.
- Criminal Amnesiac: More like Phony Amnesiac Cop. It didn't stick.
- Dating Catwoman: My relationship with Carmelita in a nutshell. I'm a suave gentleman thief, she's a hard-as-nails cop and there's some banter and a shock pistol in-between here and there. And having her on my tail has always made our capers all the more fun.
- Deadpan Snarker: Me? Snarky!? Not at all!
- Domino Mask: Yes, I'm already a raccoon, but it's still the mark of a true thief.
- Everyone Has Standards: As I said before, me and my gang only ever steal from criminals. Stealing from or harming innocents is the mark of the cruel and cowardly. note
- First Person Snapshooter: Bentley asks me to do this sort of thing for our recon missions. It's fun, and it helps with the eventual big heist.
- Four-Philosophy Ensemble: Apathetic mixed with Realist.
- Four-Temperament Ensemble: The "Phlegmatic" kind, if you couldn't tell already.
- Fun Personified: Sly Cooper, bon vivant inside and out.
- Gentleman Thief: I am indeed one very charming character, wouldn't you think?
- Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: Yeah... those aren't frayed pants like they say. Not a problem, though. This world is virtually one without pants.
- Hard Light: As I learned during my trek into the Cooper Vault, my dad invented a technique for rail sliding on laser beams! Really. It's as amazing as it sounds.
- Honor Before Reason: And challenge before reason, and also fun before reason. It's how I roll.
- Just a Stupid Accent: Excuse-a me? I find it incredibly-a hard to-a believe that-a my disguised Italian accent-a is-a just "stupid". It-a worked perfectly in-a Venice and Arabia!
- Just Like Robin Hood: Me and my own merry men tend to donate some of our scores to a few charitable causes, such as orphanages.
- Karmic Thief: Stealing from an average joe isn't honorable in the slightest, hence why our targets for thievery are usually people who definitely deserve it.
- Lineage Comes from the Father: Quite a few people have compared me to my dad, given both the family resemblance and the Cooper legacy I inherited from him. Don't really know as much about who my mom was.
- Nice Guy: Who said being a thief means that I can't be friendly from time to time?
- Only Sane Man: Yes, Bentley's the brains of our team, but it's often up to me to reel everyone in whenever things get really hot.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Whenever the snark and sultry go off, so do the gloves.
- Rascally Raccoon: And proud to be one.
- Stealth Hi/Bye: Most cowardly crime lords never saw me coming... or going, for that matter.
- Super Drowning Skills: Really should've taken those swimming lessons back at the orphanage.
- Sympathy for the Devil: Vicious Klaww Gang member or not, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Jean Bison and his situation. Happy that he managed to land a new job at the EPA after we took down the Klaww Gang.note
- Taught by Experience: As I didn't have the Thievius Raccoonus at first, I had to self-teach myself how to do a lot of sneaking around and climbing. It paid off.
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: When we decided to recruit the Panda King of all people for the Kaine Island heist, I was the most apprehensive since, well... he was one of the Fiendish Five that killed my parents. I (mostly) got over it with time, though.
- Time Master: a couple Cooper techniques seem to allow me to slow down time, speed it up or even stop it. No idea as to how, but they sure were useful...and entertaining, too!
- Trapped in the Past: Ever since my last caper. Thanks a lot, Le Paradox.
- And that's pretty much everything, pal. By the way, if you just so happen to have a time machine on you, would you mind helping a guy out? I kinda lied about the whole "sand growing on me" bit. note note