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Comic Books
Nick Fury: You're a very, very strange individual, mister Stark.
Tony Stark: Really? I hoped being worth three hundred and fifty billion on paper may qualify me as eccentric, General Fury.
Tony Stark: Really? I hoped being worth three hundred and fifty billion on paper may qualify me as eccentric, General Fury.
Film — Animated
Ms. Tarantula: Um, Snake? What did you just do?
Mr. Snake: What? My friend was sad and I was just cheering him up.
Mr. Shark: You... you did a good thing! For me!
Mr. Snake: Don't be ridiculous, I just put your needs before my own.
Ms. Tarantula: Yeah, you're being good.
Mr. Snake: I'm not. I'm simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.
Ms. Tarantula: That is the actual definition of being good!
Mr. Snake: What? My friend was sad and I was just cheering him up.
Mr. Shark: You... you did a good thing! For me!
Mr. Snake: Don't be ridiculous, I just put your needs before my own.
Ms. Tarantula: Yeah, you're being good.
Mr. Snake: I'm not. I'm simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.
Ms. Tarantula: That is the actual definition of being good!
Film — Live-Action
"Wait, I didn't steal anything! I was returning something I stole!"
— Scott Lang, Ant-Man
Max: You killed him!
Vincent: No, I shot him. The bullets and the fall killed him.
Vincent: No, I shot him. The bullets and the fall killed him.
"These haven't been stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again, they've changed the bloody locks."
— Bacon, Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
Literature
Goblin: There are two things under this world that I really despise. [...] And from what I hear, you fall neatly into both categories.
Mulch: Just my luck.
Goblin: Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it. Fortune delivered you into my hands.
Mulch: Just my luck.
Goblin: Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it. Fortune delivered you into my hands.
Vimes: Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?
Detritus: Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.
Detritus: Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.
— Jingo
"It is not fear. It is a rational caution," said Corde, falling back upon what Cabal now recognised as the standard Institute member's response when scared. It was not a refutation nearly so much as a mantra intended to settle the speaker's nerves.
"I didn't kill your father. I had him killed."
— Islington, Neverwhere
Live-Action TV
B.A.: You crashed the plane!
Murdock: No, no, no, no. I merely relocated the aircraft with extreme prejudice because of a TOTAL LOSS OF THRUST AND LIFT FUNCTIONS!
Murdock: No, no, no, no. I merely relocated the aircraft with extreme prejudice because of a TOTAL LOSS OF THRUST AND LIFT FUNCTIONS!
Leonard: Oh, come on. This is stupid.
Penny: Oh, there it is again! You think I’m stupid!
Leonard: No, there’s a difference between being stupid and acting stupid.
Penny: Oh, yeah? Well, there’s a difference between being a jerk and being an ass! (storms off up the stairs)
Leonard: No, there isn’t! They’re synonyms!
Penny: Oh, there it is again! You think I’m stupid!
Leonard: No, there’s a difference between being stupid and acting stupid.
Penny: Oh, yeah? Well, there’s a difference between being a jerk and being an ass! (storms off up the stairs)
Leonard: No, there isn’t! They’re synonyms!
— The Big Bang Theory, "The Guitarist Amplification"
Tracey: So why the big secret?
Sharon: There was no big secret. We just happened to bump into 'em in the wine bar and we didn't bother to mention it, did we?
Dorien: Well, that's right. We agreed not to.
Tracey: So it was a secret.
Sharon: No! [Beat] Well, not really.
Sharon: There was no big secret. We just happened to bump into 'em in the wine bar and we didn't bother to mention it, did we?
Dorien: Well, that's right. We agreed not to.
Tracey: So it was a secret.
Sharon: No! [Beat] Well, not really.
Blake: We're going to use them, not do business with them.
Avon: A subtle distinction that escapes me for the moment.
Avon: A subtle distinction that escapes me for the moment.
Jesse: Yo, did you just get fired?
Walt: No. No, no, no. It's more like a sabbatical. Indefinite. Yeah.
Walt: No. No, no, no. It's more like a sabbatical. Indefinite. Yeah.
—Breaking Bad, "Green Light"
Gideon: I thought you said that you don't hold a grudge.
Galen: [perplexed] I don't. I have no surviving enemies.
Galen: [perplexed] I don't. I have no surviving enemies.
— Crusade
Clara: How do we get down there? Jump?
Doctor: Don't be silly. We fall.
Doctor: Don't be silly. We fall.
"I don't have a gut! I have contours."
— Frasier Crane, Frasier
Sammy: If he's making this kind of money by lying to everyone, we're entitled to a slice of it. It's called hush money.
Fiona: You're gonna blackmail him?
Sammy: No! I'm not gonna blackmail him. I'm just gonna go to Sydney with him and I'm gonna demand money in return for not telling anyone what he's really doing.
Fiona: That's the exact definition of blackmail!
Fiona: You're gonna blackmail him?
Sammy: No! I'm not gonna blackmail him. I'm just gonna go to Sydney with him and I'm gonna demand money in return for not telling anyone what he's really doing.
Fiona: That's the exact definition of blackmail!
— Frayed, Episode 3
"Nobody in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist. Except, of course, when they were institutionalized."
— Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
Jackie Sharp: Mr. Vice President, what you are asking is just shy of treason.
Frank Underwood: Just shy, which is politics.
Frank Underwood: Just shy, which is politics.
"I'm not begging you for a case. But I am asking — very strongly."
— Jessica Jones, Jessica Jones (2015), "AKA Ladies' Night"
John: Whoa, whoa. Now, that would be ridiculous. No one is out there claiming there is a "magic pill" out there; that would be stupid.
Oz: This little bean has scientists saying they've found a magic weight loss cure for every body type!
John: See?? He never said there was a "magic pill"! He said there was a magic bean!
Oz: This little bean has scientists saying they've found a magic weight loss cure for every body type!
John: See?? He never said there was a "magic pill"! He said there was a magic bean!
"I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win, and when I don’t, I get furious."
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
Draymella: The Medicare Price Signal, as the name doesn't suggest, is less a new program and more a new way of describing the old one. We've found, in any business, that when a product isn't selling it's cheaper and less effort to rethink what we call it rather than the program itself or the ideology behind it. "Budget cut" becomes "budget dividend", "tax increase" becomes "a seasonal adjustment to the fuel excise", "tender" becomes "competitive evaluation process."
Shaun: Combinations of words that sound vaguely like they mean something positive, but you don't get tied down to dictionary definitions.
Draymella: Exactly, Shaun. What's important is that people don't quite know what you're talking about and so can't form an opinion. It works with phrases too: "I'm not going to answer that question, you arsehole," becomes "I'm not a commentator."
Shaun: You don't think the public see through this approach?
Draymella: I'm not a commentator, Shaun.
Shaun: Combinations of words that sound vaguely like they mean something positive, but you don't get tied down to dictionary definitions.
Draymella: Exactly, Shaun. What's important is that people don't quite know what you're talking about and so can't form an opinion. It works with phrases too: "I'm not going to answer that question, you arsehole," becomes "I'm not a commentator."
Shaun: You don't think the public see through this approach?
Draymella: I'm not a commentator, Shaun.
Shaw: Are you disputing with the computer?
Spock: I am not disputing with the computer; I am merely stating that it is wrong.
Spock: I am not disputing with the computer; I am merely stating that it is wrong.
Adam: So you lied. About everything.
Zachariah: We didn't "lie". We just avoided certain truths to manipulate you.
Zachariah: We didn't "lie". We just avoided certain truths to manipulate you.
Alan: Judith's sister is hitting on me!
Charlie: She's not hitting on you, she's hitting on her sister's ex-husband.
Alan: ...But that's me!
Charlie: She's not hitting on you, she's hitting on her sister's ex-husband.
Alan: ...But that's me!
Newspapers
The Woman is played by Amira Casar, who is completely nude most of the time, although the opening titles inform us that a body double will be playing her close-ups in [nude] scenes. 'It's not her body,' the titles explain, 'it's an extension of a fictional character.' Tell that to the double.
Tabletop Games
With the exception of an Assassin, no Dark Elf character may join a unit of Witch Elves. It's not that they don't trust the Witch Elves... well, actually it is.
— Dark Elves 7th edition rulebook (Witch Elves being devotees of the god of murder), Warhammer
Video Games
"I may be a pirate, but I'm not a criminal. And before you ask, no, I don't know what a synonym is."
— Kira, Crush Crush
"Ness! Now, I... well... It's going to seem like I'm running away... But perhaps I'll just sneak off to another era to think about my next plan."
— Porky Minch, EarthBound (1994)
"I'm not going to harm it. I'm going to dissect it until it's dead!"
— Dr. Klein, Fallout: New Vegas (Old World Blues DLC)
Bane: You are fast, yet frail.
Flash (Barry Allen): You're ugly, yet... unattractive.
Bane: Goodbye, tiny man.
Atrocitus: You're worse than the Manhunters.
Brainiac: I collect planets, not destroy them.
Atrocitus: A distinction without a difference.
Joker: We've more in common than you care to admit.
Grid: I am rational. You are mad.
Joker: Not mad, differently sane.
Black Adam: Your Earth has a Black Adam?
Joker: He's pathetic, you're contemptible.
Black Adam: I despise such ignorance.
Flash (Barry Allen): You're ugly, yet... unattractive.
Bane: Goodbye, tiny man.
Atrocitus: You're worse than the Manhunters.
Brainiac: I collect planets, not destroy them.
Atrocitus: A distinction without a difference.
Joker: We've more in common than you care to admit.
Grid: I am rational. You are mad.
Joker: Not mad, differently sane.
Black Adam: Your Earth has a Black Adam?
Joker: He's pathetic, you're contemptible.
Black Adam: I despise such ignorance.
Travis: You're no assassin. You're just a perverted killing maniac.
Bad Girl: In essence, they're the same.
Bad Girl: In essence, they're the same.
Ikutsuki: Ah. He did record that himself. Of course, I had to make some modifications.
Mitsuru: You doctored it!?
Ikutsuki: I corrected it.
Mitsuru: You doctored it!?
Ikutsuki: I corrected it.
— Persona 3: FES
Pearl: Oh, c'mon, Marina. You're gonna love it! Stop sulking like that.
Marina: I'm not sulking. I am lamenting the loss of well-deserved rest and relaxation.
Marina: I'm not sulking. I am lamenting the loss of well-deserved rest and relaxation.
Visual Novels
Amy: Rouge, you're a business tycoon, and Blaze, you're a titan of industry, both in the casino.
Blaze: What's the difference?
Amy: There is none.
Blaze: ...
Blaze: What's the difference?
Amy: There is none.
Blaze: ...
Larry Butz: I wasn't dumped! She just wasn't taking my phone calls... or seeing me... ever. What's it to you, anyway?!
Winston Payne: Mr. Butz, what you describe is generally what we mean by "dumped".
Winston Payne: Mr. Butz, what you describe is generally what we mean by "dumped".
Phi: I'm not stalking you. I just followed you here.
Sigma: That's pretty much the same thing.
Sigma: That's pretty much the same thing.
Web Animation
Miko: That's it! Violence or destruction! Choose your poison, Sui-chan!
Suisei: Wha? They're both violence!
Suisei: Wha? They're both violence!
— hololive - Holo no Graffiti, "On the Tail"
Kevin: Let me spell it out for you. Blood bonds are SLA. VE. RY. SLAVERY!!
Chapman: In this case, it's more like indentured servitude?
Kevin: OKAY, WOW. HOW MARGINALLY BETTER IS THAT.
Chapman: In this case, it's more like indentured servitude?
Kevin: OKAY, WOW. HOW MARGINALLY BETTER IS THAT.
Yuri: Natsuki, there's something called privacy.
Natsuki: And there's something called minding your own business so...
Sayori: OH, BURN!
Yuri: [scoffs] Both of those lines literally mean the same thing!
Natsuki: And there's something called minding your own business so...
Sayori: OH, BURN!
Yuri: [scoffs] Both of those lines literally mean the same thing!
— Just Art, "Car Ride"
"No, man, of course it's not illegal! Just make sure the police doesn't catch you."
— Gerard Piqué discussing the idea of forging a Spanish passport for Lionel Messi, Marca Toons
"I didn't lose... I merely failed to win!"
— Gen. George McClellen defending his numerous failed attempts to end the American Civil War to Abraham Lincoln, OverSimplified
Player 1: Are you suggesting that we frame Wallace?
Player 2: What? No, no, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is that we place our own evidence that will lead the investigation to conclude that Wallace was the one who did the crimes — okay yes, yes I'm saying we frame Wallace.
Player 2: What? No, no, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is that we place our own evidence that will lead the investigation to conclude that Wallace was the one who did the crimes — okay yes, yes I'm saying we frame Wallace.
Tex: Hey, if we're lost—
Church: We are not lost. We're just taking an alternate unexplored route that we don't know the location of.
Tex: It takes a lot less time if you just say "lost."
Church: No way.
Church: We are not lost. We're just taking an alternate unexplored route that we don't know the location of.
Tex: It takes a lot less time if you just say "lost."
Church: No way.
— Red vs. Blue, "Uncharted Territories"
Webcomics
Mob: Master Reigen's powers are spiritual, not psychic.
Tome: What kind of difference is that?
Tome: What kind of difference is that?
Casey: Let's get you something you like to drink instead.
Louie: Do you have any more of that stuff from last night?
Casey: Oh? Do you want my 'secret' recipe?
Christy: Not the 'secret' recipe.
Louie: What's in the recipe?
Casey: That's a secret.
Christy: It's just watered down sports drink.
Casey: Correction, it's half sports drink, half water.
Christy: Exactly, watered down sports drink.
Louie: Do you have any more of that stuff from last night?
Casey: Oh? Do you want my 'secret' recipe?
Christy: Not the 'secret' recipe.
Louie: What's in the recipe?
Casey: That's a secret.
Christy: It's just watered down sports drink.
Casey: Correction, it's half sports drink, half water.
Christy: Exactly, watered down sports drink.
Gabe: I'm not playing anymore rhythm games with you.
Tycho: Dropmix is a music game, not a rhythm game.
Gabe: I want you to shove this whole mechanism up your asshole, not your butthole. See? I can do this shit too.
Tycho: Dropmix is a music game, not a rhythm game.
Gabe: I want you to shove this whole mechanism up your asshole, not your butthole. See? I can do this shit too.
Donovan: Uh yes, the "secret" organisation. I wouldn't so much call it "secret", though... it just... handles things without the public knowing.
Attley: That's pretty much the definition of secret.
Attley: That's pretty much the definition of secret.
Web Original
"Before you scroll down and begin accusing me of being a paedophile; this video was made in 2010. These kids look at the very youngest to be 14. They’re either 17 or 18 now."
— Luke Bailey
, Buzzfeed, "15 Most Offensive Things Written on Return of Kings"
, Buzzfeed, "15 Most Offensive Things Written on Return of Kings"I knew there would be a lot of shitty hot takes in the wake of yesterday's titanic Super Bowl. But I didn't know that the worst take of all would come from THIS VERY WEBSITE...Tom Brady's not the greatest quarterback of all time, not even after winning his fourth Super bowl and third Super Bowl MVP...But he's quite probably the most successful.
Oh, he's not the greatest. He's just accomplished more than any other quarterback ever has or perhaps ever will. TOTALLY UNRELATED SPECIMENS.
Oh, he's not the greatest. He's just accomplished more than any other quarterback ever has or perhaps ever will. TOTALLY UNRELATED SPECIMENS.
— Drew Magary, Deadspin, "Counterpoint: Tom Brady Is One Of The Best Of All Time, Moron"
, Deadspin, "Counterpoint: Tom Brady Is One Of The Best Of All Time, Moron"Libertarians can go to town whenever they're called racist, sexist, and so on (gee, how could anyone ever get that idea?), proclaiming their great personal but private commitment to equality...Drinking from the wrong water fountain would presumably be "initiation of force", allowing retaliation of force to eject the malefactor.
— Seth Finkelstein, "Libertarianism Make You Stupid"
, "Libertarianism Make You Stupid"It's not a school shooting when someone goes and shoots a specific person on campus. It's a shooting that happens to take place at school.
"The bear is — it would be crude to say 'giving someone a blowjob', I think he was going down on him."
— Frank Conniff on the dog scene in The Shining, "Movie Sign with the Mads"
Web Videos
Shinji: I didn't beat Sakura. I just smacked her around a little.
Shirou: What the hell kind of distinction did you just make?
Shirou: What the hell kind of distinction did you just make?
Sonic: Shadow! Did you just murder that GUN soldier?!
Shadow: It wasn't murder. It was a 97th trimester abortion.
Sonic: That just sounds like murder.
Shadow: It wasn't murder. It was a 97th trimester abortion.
Sonic: That just sounds like murder.
"He's gonna kill you and murder you at the same time?"
— kwingsletsplays playing Spider-Man (PS4)
Spider-Man (PS4)Kent: It's a food chute! Sort of like a dumbwaiter, I suppose.
Yahtzee: [playing] It's not "sort of" like a dumbwaiter, it is a dumbwaiter, you massive cunt.
Yahtzee: [playing] It's not "sort of" like a dumbwaiter, it is a dumbwaiter, you massive cunt.
— "Let's Play Normality"
Normality"Tom Gently: You grabbed me from my studio and hooked me up to this guy?!
The Arsonist: No, I grabbed you from the carpark.
The Arsonist: No, I grabbed you from the carpark.
"I'm not trying to say that Ray had no talent. I'm just heavily implying that is the case."
— Quinton Reviews on the fall of =3
on the fall of =3"It's not an army. It's a military parade."
— Age of Empires II streamer T90 Official
ToxxxicSupport: Can I sue you for sending me a picture of that dick?
UnderscoreMason: I just need to clarify that this was not my penis, it was ProJared's penis...
UnderscoreMason: I just need to clarify that this was not my penis, it was ProJared's penis...
— SMPLive
Integra: You killed my father!
Richard: No, no... the poison killed your father. I murdered your father.
Richard: No, no... the poison killed your father. I murdered your father.
CataclysmicMemes: In todays stream Doug Doug executes 3, 6 year olds in rapid succession.
Doug: Okay, hold on. That makes it sound really bad. He's seven.
Doug: Okay, hold on. That makes it sound really bad. He's seven.
Western Animation
Larry: Woah, Steve, honey, I think I know what I'm talkin' about alright? Alright, I didn't spend 12 years in Kindergarten 'cuz I'm stupid…
Steve: Why then?
Larry: I got my foot caught in the radiator.
Steve: Why then?
Larry: I got my foot caught in the radiator.
"It's not a coincidence, SpongeBob. It's just two similar things happening at the same time."
— Patrick Star, The Patrick Star Show, "Bummer Jobs"
Rick: I'm pretty proud of this bad boy. Check it out. (presses a keypad) I put a spatially-tessellated void inside a modified temporal field until a planet developed intelligent life. I then introduced that life to the wonders of electricity, which they now generate on a global scale. And, you know, some of it goes to power my engine and charge my phone and stuff.
Morty: You have a whole planet sitting around making your power for you? That's slavery.
Morty: That just sounds like slavery with extra steps.
Rick: Ooh-la-la, someone's gonna get laid in college.
— Rick and Morty, "The Ricks Must Be Crazy"
Squidward: That's just a stupid boulder!
SpongeBob: It's not just a boulder! It's a rock!
SpongeBob: It's not just a boulder! It's a rock!
Pearl: It wasn't really a test, per se, not in the traditional sense, we just wanted to see if you were ready to go on missions.
Steven: That's exactly what a test is!
Steven: That's exactly what a test is!
— Steven Universe, "The Test"
Eugene: So you guys... agree with Cassandra?
Big-Nosed Thug: No-no-no-no, we don't... agree with her. We've simply arrived at a, well, um, nearly identical assessment, is all.
Big-Nosed Thug: No-no-no-no, we don't... agree with her. We've simply arrived at a, well, um, nearly identical assessment, is all.
"Don't think of it as lying! Think of it as not telling the truth!"
— Fergy Fudgehog, Viva Piñata
Prisoner: Some of you are here today 'cause you think jail is cool. But see y'all wouldn't know nothing about that shit. Ain't shit cool about jail, nyukka! I been here 10 years, and I ain't never getting out. I ain't do much. Just kill somebody. It ain't like the nyukka ain't have it coming. Y'all think it's just about us in here, but this is about an oppressive, fucked-up system designed to keep niggas down and shit. Y'all wouldn't know nothing about that. What about you, little nigga? You know about that?
Huey Freeman: Yes.
Prisoner: Oh, you know about that? Tell me what you know about that! Tell me what you think about that!
Huey Freeman: The prison-industrial complex is a system situated at the intersection of government and private interests. It uses prisons as a solution to social, political, and economic problems. It includes human rights violations, the death penalty, slave labor, policing, courts, the media, political prisoners, and the elimination of dissent.
Prisoner: ...Nigga, did you just say what I was trying to say but smarter?!
Huey Freeman: Yes.
Prisoner: Oh, you know about that? Tell me what you know about that! Tell me what you think about that!
Huey Freeman: The prison-industrial complex is a system situated at the intersection of government and private interests. It uses prisons as a solution to social, political, and economic problems. It includes human rights violations, the death penalty, slave labor, policing, courts, the media, political prisoners, and the elimination of dissent.
Prisoner: ...Nigga, did you just say what I was trying to say but smarter?!
— The Boondocks, "A Date with the Booty Warrior"
"There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to 'kill' her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore."
—Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, "Fifteen Minutes of Shame"
Real Life
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.
We are not retreating — we are advancing in another Direction.
— Gen. Douglas MacArthur
Actually, we have no race classification in the strict sense of the word. We have population grouping. We in South Africa are not at all obsessed with race.
— National Party MP in Parliament, 1967
I don't want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub.
— Grover Norquist
I am not 'anti-vaccine'... We are demanding safe vaccines. We want to reduce the schedule and reduce the toxins.
— Jenny McCarthy
Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side-effect.
— Linus Torvalds, President of Linux
I never said that she was fat, I said that she was a little roundish; a little roundish is not fat. But for such a beautiful girl—er, after that, she lost eight kilo so I think the message was not that bad.
— Karl Lagerfield on Adele
40% of our policies do not coincide with NSDAP's policies.
— Anders Behring Breivik, who is at most 60% Nazi.
No, we think — we just want Jews to be perfected, as they say.
— Ann Coulter shoots down allegations of antisemitism
The notion that there might be resilient ethnic differences in intelligence is not, we believe, an inherently racist belief.
— Andrew Sullivan on The Bell Curve
We never had sex sex. I bought drugs and a massage from him, and he masturbated me at the end of it. That's it.
— Known heterosexual Ted Haggard
I do not think it is okay to throw acid in women's faces for any reason. I do think the Taliban are rational and that their policy of mutilating and murdering those who threaten their way of life reflects their objectives and their ruthlessness rather than an inability to think rationally.
It's not plagiarism in the digital age — it's repurposing.
— Shia Labeouf on accusations of plagerism
He declares that people who think they actually did something when they create are selfish assholes, but contends that working out how to press control and V at the same time is an act of genius.
— Cracked, in response to above quote
to above quoteDick Cavett: You called actors "cattle" once in your career, and, um, offended a few—
Alfred Hitchcock: Well, I would never say such an unfeeling, rude thing about actors at all. What I probably said was that all actors should be treated like cattle.
Alfred Hitchcock: Well, I would never say such an unfeeling, rude thing about actors at all. What I probably said was that all actors should be treated like cattle.
—1972 interview with Alfred Hitchcock on The Dick Cavett Shownote
