Funny / The Order of the Stick

    open/close all folders 


    How the Paladin Got His Scar 

  • Azure City and a number of other countries in the Southern Continent are all descended from something called "the Ancient Empire." No one knows why they called themselves that.
  • Turns out that O-Chul has been a selfless servant of Azure City for a very long time.
    General Nhek: He's always like this. Last time I promoted him, he apologized to me.
    O-Chul: I still live with the burden of having failed to properly fulfill the duties of a lieutenant.
  • Two hobgoblin commoners take a stand against O-Chul, claiming nothing he could say will make them lead him to their camp, and describe how he'd never be able to intimidate them... until they end up intimidating themselves by putting words into his mouth. The kicker? Zhao is also intimidated into surrendering to O-Chul and they weren't even talking about her.

    Start of Darkness 
  • Start of Darkness may be Darker and Edgier than the rest of the series, but the funny moments stand out because they're in line with the more serious parts. Such as Xykon after he beats Dorukan...
    Xykon: Ding dong, the wizard's dead! We'll have to be careful disabling his magical toys in the castle, but I think we can—
    [Xykon comes upon the MitD, a sombrero on its box, a taco in hand/claw/whatever]
    Xykon: [wide-eyed] ...
    MitD: Fiesta?
    Xykon: Ooooookay.
  • When Xykon discovers that his new Lich form gives him a touch of death, he tests it out on a few Red Shirt goblins. The potential horror is neutered when the attack gives off a comical *BZZZT* sound, Xykon comparing it to a joy buzzer.
  • Why Xykon needs henchmen when he meets Redcloak;
    Xykon: I ran out of toadies a few months ago due to... let's call it, "creative differences." And it sucks. I mean, just last week, the Good Guys burst into my throne room, right? And I shouted, "Get them, you fools!" just purely by reflex. Well, I bet you can imagine how embarrassing it was when I realized that I had to "get them" myself. I mean, talk about awkward.
  • One of the "gate" leads that Redcloak follows up on has him run into SG-1.
  • Smokey the Bear yelling "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT WILDFIRES" after Redcloak starts a forest fire.
  • While fighting Dorukan, Xykon gets hit with Prismatic Spray... which does nothing because the comic is in black-and-white.
    On the Origin of PCs 
    Dungeon Crawlin' Fools 
    No Cure for the Paladin Blues 
    War and XPs 
    Don't Split the Party 
  • The angelic review of Roy, culminating in a graph showing Belkar's evil, measured in kiloNazis (first recorded use of that).
  • Followed by the ultimate Take That! by Roy.
    Roy: In lieu of Paradise, can I just get a picture of the exact expression on his face?
  • Roy is taken on a tour of Paradise after his death. It's not quite what he was expecting.
    Roy: So... I could have all the one-night-stands I want, but I'd have to have them at my mom's house? Are you trying to make people feel guilty about sex?
    Roy's Archon: Actually, yes. We've found that our Lawful patrons generally expect it that way.
  • "Evil adventuring party." "It happens. C'mon, I'll take you fishing." The most hilarious part is how blasé everyone is about killing an adventuring party in the living room.
  • Elan realizes the trolls are too stupid to get his puns.
    Elan: Uh oh. I may need to dumb down my puns.
    Hinjo: The gods help us all.
  • Most of Belkar's stuff on "A Momentary Experience", but the wights in the second panel deserve a mention:
    Wight 1: Did—did that halfling just hit me in the face with a pineapple??
    Wight 2: I think he did. Also, I think no one has ever asked that exact question in the history of civilization, so bonus points there.
  • The TRUE power in Azure City..
  • Tsuski and her minion have no idea where the party went, despite the giant "secret door" symbol on an obvious door. Before that, Belkar thank her for flying, offering all males a nice Panty Shot (or better/worse, if she were Going Commando).
    Belkar: On behalf of all the men in the city, thank you for wearing a short skirt while flying. You've given me a lot to think about. Heh.
  • "Yeah... kick that string's ass, Mr. Scruffy."
  • "Supreme Leader, I have that lampshade you requested."
  • "Hello? Mommy?"
  • "Slow and Steady My Ass!" Look at the turtle. And in the next strip, "At Least The Turtle Escaped On His Own" as well as the grammar lessons.
  • The Island of Cyclops.
  • Roy's ghost trying to get the Oracle's attention... with D&D-themed yo mama jokes.
    Roy: Yo mama's so fat, they use a grapefruit for her miniature.
    Yo mama's so fat, she can't even see her feats.
    Yo mama's so fat, her Speed is listed as "Hell no!"
  • Made even better when the Oracle casually reveals that he has been able to hear Roy the entire time by commenting on Roy's mom.
  • After Belkar sets off his Mark of Justice:
    The Giant Illusory Head of Lord Shojo: Hello, this is the giant illusory head of Lord Shojo speaking. If you're seeing this implanted message, you have violated the terms of your Greater Mark of Justice because you inflicted lethal damage within the bounds of a city, town, or village, strayed more than one mile from Roy, or cheesed Roy off enough for him to say the magic command word.
    Roy's ghost: Well, I guess I can finally stop worrying about accidentally saying the word "squiddleydoodlefluffer" in casual conversation.
    The Giant Illusory Head of Lord Shojo: The designated curse will now take effect. Sucks to be you, I guess.
  • The billboard for the town that was built by the Oracle: "Lickmyorangeballshalfling".
    No, seriously, give 'em a good once-over!
  • When Roy returns to Fluffy Cloud Heaven, his father is griping about 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons rules while Roy's Archon DMs.
    Eugene: Good, then you can tell me what page it says you don't die til -10 HP.
    Roy's Archon: I already told you, in this edition, that's an optional rule that we're not using! You're dead at 0 hp!
    Eugene: Well, that's a stupid rule and they should change it!
    Roy's Archon: They did!
  • Durkon doesn't approve of Banjoists or Gigglesists.
    Durkon: But...but thar na real gods! Thar puppets! Cannae ya see tha thar just puppets?!?
    Elan: The only way to settle this dispute between two gods is with a pie-eating contest!
    Orcs: hooray!
  • Elan is trying to have a secret meeting with Therkla, only to get interrupted by Qarr, and then by talking trees
  • Kazumi Kato, in the middle of her psychotic pregnant rage, encounters a ninja who begs for his life, as he has children too. Her response?
    Kazumi: Oh yeah? Did you go through six months of hemorrhoids to get them? Turn around and I'll show you exactly what that feels like.
Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
Kazumi: Who cares how many people I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!
    Blood Runs in the Family 
  • "12 silvers and some pieces of string is sort of a waste of my talents.
    Belkar: Mr. Scruffy calls dibs on the string!
    Elan: Awww, man!
  • Belkar is saturated with spice. A giant worm is attracted to spice. Roy seems to have played Minecraft.
    Roy: If we dangle him in front of what passes for its nose, it will move forward to find the source of the smell...
    Durkon: An' carry us wit' it!
    Haley: Like a donkey with a carrot!
    Belkar: Wait just a goddamn minute! Hasn't anyone considered how I might feel about this? About the danger this puts me in? Hasn't anyone weight whether or not it's ethically acceptable to use me like- Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, gods, I almost got through that with a straight face. Heh heh, man. OK, dangle away.
  • "I'll nay let ye corrupt this fine town, ye date-bearing bitch!"
  • When the Order's first lead on Girard's Gate turns out to be a false lead, Vaarsuvius plans on leaving a message in case Girard scrys the area. To help, Elan writes into the sand 'HELP! THERE'S A EPIC SORESIRER LITCH COMMING 2 TAKE YOU'RE GATE!!1! LUV, ELAN"
    Roy: ...So, are you planning on—
    Vaarsuvius: There will be a proofing stage, yes.
  • "Stopping for Direction":
    Belkar: Fine, but don't say I don't ever make sacrifices for the team.
    Roy: You don't ever make sacrifices for the team.
    Belkar: ...True.
  • "Dancing Knights!"
  • "This Whole Time, He'd Thought of It as the Snack That Got Away":
    • "Puns are for girls."
    • From the same one:
      Gannji: Get your blue ass up.
      Enor: But the elf said to sit on my hands.
      Gannji: You don't have hands, you moron! You have claws!
      Enor: Oh yeah.
      Gannji: For the record, you'll also be safe if it tells you to sit on your brain.
    • To make three — Blackwing dramatically enters the scene as Gannji and Enor are about to run off with having captured Haley and Vaarsuvius.
      Blackwing: STOP!
      Blackwing: Before you take my wizard away, I just have one question.
      [turns to the prostrate Vaarsuvius] So you're saying that purple lizard was you?
      Vaarsuvius: *sigh*
  • #723:
    • "Heredity is a cruel mistress."
    • Most of Tarquin and Elan's first meeting, especially on Tarquin's end — given that this is an evil overlord acting just as much like a giddy ten-year-old as Elan does. In addition to the above line, when Tarquin and Elan are gushing about how awesome the Dramatic Reveal was, Malack and V are wearing matching "you have got to be kidding me: another one?" scowls. In the next strip — which is even better if you imagine them with long-suffering sighs.
      Malack: Is yours always like this?
      V: Yes. Yours?
      Malack: Sadly.
    • And it goes on — from Elan and Tarquin shouting "hooray!" in unison when Haley agrees to stay, to the two of them being giddy over having juggling clowns (which juggle tinier clowns) at their festival. It's funny then, and given what we learn about Tarquin later it's even funnier in retrospect.
  • The Gilligan Cut between Tarquin's conquest and Tarquin running for his life with a young Nale (blowing a raspberry) in tow.
  • And now there're two, back-to-back:
  • Dinosaur rides are the perfect solution to any ethical quandary.
  • "YOU DID!"
  • Elan's Imagine Spot when he really wants Roy to meet his Dad.
    Tarquin: Since Roy's father is dead, I've decided to legally adopt him! Now you're for-real brothers!
    Roy and Elan: Hooray!
    Tarquin: Also you both get puppies.
  • Durkon wishes there was a way to keep in touch with fellow cleric Malack. Fortunately, Malack has such a thing.
    macebook: Macebook helps you connect and share with the clerics in your life. Add Durkon Thundershield as a friend? Durkon will have to confirm that you are friends.
    • See the activity feed...
    Kotor, Paladin of Marduk is smackin' dragons, yo.
    Kotor, Paladin of Marduk has updated his location.
    Nyr-Atul, Priest of Tiamat has updated his location.
    Kotor, Paladin of Marduk joined the group Need a Rez.
  • This exchange:
    Durkon: Lass! Dinnae ye think ye've drank enough?!?
    Haley: Depends. Am I drunk enough yet that later, I won't remember getting out-logicked by Elan?
    Durkon: Och! Na. Ye'll need at least two more pints for that.
    Elan: I'll go order another round.
  • "Caress, caress, caress, caress my lithe supple body!"
  • The Empress of Blood flying despite an enormous round and bloated body, and disproportionately small wings.
    Empress: I am here! I am your ruler! Look at me! I am cool, but I am also very warm! Woooo!
    Elan: She can FLY???
    Tarquin: Quite the stumper, isn't it?
    Vaarsuvius: I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner.
    Empress: If anyone needs me, I will be up here on my throne, being awesome!
  • There's a certain sadistic hilarity to Tarquin's irritation when his plan to impress Elan goes wrong. Said plan involved Elan's name being set up in gigantic flaming letters on the mountainside, which does impress Elan until Tarquin reveals that the letters are made of escaped slaves being burned at the stake. While Elan continues to stare in horror, Tarquin grumbles to himself, "Crap, the three prisoners at the bottom of the E burned out early. Now it looks like I just really like custard."
  • Elan and Tarquin's duel is possibly the largest Hurricane of Puns in the series.
  • The glorious hurricane of Genre Savvy and Shout Outs in "Plotting Something".
    Tarquin: But the way these things go, you'll probably end up losing a hand or eye or something.
    Elan: Oh, right. Like, a big burn on the side of my face, at the very least.
  • "Beneath our love... Can't we just stick with beds?"
  • As it turns out, "preparation" is a virtue in the Empire of Blood's guard staff.
  • In order to sneak into the Empire of Blood's prison Haley drinks a Potion of Glibness, which boosts her already high Bluff skill to such a high level she can effortlessly convince anyone of anything, no matter how ridiculous:
    Haley: You don't hear or see us.
    1st Guard: Huh. Must be a trick of the light.
    Haley: You actually don't work here anymore.
    2nd Guard: Crap! How am I gonna pay my mortgage?!
    Haley: You're actually a yellow-footed rock wallaby.
    3rd Guard: Screw this guard stuff then, I'm gonna go find a wizard to polymorph me back. [hops off]
    4th Guard: INTRUDERS!
    Haley: Nope.
    4th Guard: FALSE ALARM!
  • When Haley introduces her father to Roy, and Ian Starshine deduces what is happening.
    Roy: Actually, your daughter works for me, Mr. Starshine, not the other way around. I'm the leader of the Order of the Stick.
    Ian: Oh, I see. [sotto voce, to Haley] Good work, Kitten. Always let the stuffed shirts think they're in charge. This way, you can subtly manipulate them into doing what you need without them realizing that you arranged it all from the shadows.
    Haley: No, Dad—
    Roy: And for that matter, we didn't come here to rescue you. We're here in this region on a totally unrelated mission. It's just sheer coincidence that we happened to get thrown in the same cell block as you.
    Ian: [sotto voce, to Haley] Wow. You've gotten good at this.
  • "Okay, yes, but it was consensual every time, sir!"
    Geoff: Make peace with your god.
    Elan: I can't! He's in my pocket!
  • Shortly after, when Haley tells Roy to bust her father out when he escapes.
    Roy: ...OK. Yeah, OK, I'll do it. You're his daughter. I guess at his age, you have a right to determine where he lives for his own good. It's sort of like putting him in a nursing home, only you're taking him AWAY from the abusive staff and daily loss of human dignity.
  • Belkar threatening to cut a goat's nipples off if it gives cows milk to Mr. Scruffy.
  • Two gladiators and a guard getting eaten by an Allosaurus.
  • Mr. Scruffy attempting to save his master... and suceeding.
  • #784: When the Allosaurus is freed, everyone has looks of shock and/or astonishment on their faces. Except for Vaarsuvius, who looks mildly concerned.
  • "No Time for Losers":
    • After a few comics building up the gladiatorial champion of the Empire of Blood, we finally get to see who it is. It's the Queen reference that really sells it.
    • And Roy's reaction is priceless. He goes from not wanting to even fight to this:
      Roy: Give me the sword. Then run.
  • And then the actual fight, next comic...
    Thog: thog says, "fudge the police!"
  • "Also, His Popularity Has Waned":
  • Elan effectively weaponizes his Contractual Genre Blindness. Elan expresses surprise that Nale is alive. Nale points out that a villain "dying" off-panel means they're certain to come back. Elan replies that of course he knows that, but the trope requires the hero to believe the villain is dead for it to work:
    Elan: First blood: ELAN!
    • It's Elan's incredibly smug expression that makes it work. The fact that for once he managed to out-smug Nale is the icing on the cake.
  • Two for Vaarsuvius in the same strip:
    V: I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is, "Sneak Attack, bitch."

    V: By all means, feel free to attempt to murder your own ally. I believe he just ceased his struggles against my mental commands to shoot you.note 
  • "Bound to Happen": Look closely at the next-to-last panel: He's handing her a sword. Go Elan!
    Elan: Wow, this whole "identical twin" thing has never worked out in my favor before!
  • "Celestial tree sloth attack!!"
    Sabine: Ahhhh! It's hanging on me! Get it off! Get it off!!
    Nale: He's getting away! Ignore it, it's just an illusion.
    Sabine: How do you know?
    Nale: You mean besides the phrase "Celestial tree sloth attack?"
  • "Holy Enunciation":
    • Durkon, noticing Elan being dropped a considerable height by Sabine, prepares to cast "Cleric's Feather Fall", more commonly known as "Heal".
    • Not to mention how he can't cast a spell because his god and his helpers can't make out his accent.
  • "Except Maybe the Undead"
    Roy: I guess the question is, where is Vaarsuvius now if not out here?
    Blackwing: Banished to another plane. Also, Elan took Haley to the palace to warn Durkon.
    Belkar: [slightly freaked out] Who said that?
    Roy: That bird. I think it's the one who's been on V's shoulder these past two weeks.
    Belkar: It can talk?
    Roy: No, probably not. I think it's some sort of magical message that was triggered when I asked were V was, like a Magic Mouth spell. Those were V's words, just coming out of the bird's beak.
    Blackwing: You are both ignorant cretins.
    Roy: See?
    Belkar: Yeah, I guess you're right.
  • The last 2 panels of 812. The title is "And Yet, the Canned Meat Merchant Still Gets Through"
  • Tarquin is quite understanding that Elan has to run off.
    Tarquin: Think nothing of it, Elan. We've all had that one adventure that suddenly turned into a race.
    Adventurer: [in flashback] If Tarquin and his party get their hands on the Lost Treasure of Sdigiji, they'll have enough money to raise an army of ten thousand men! For the sake of everyone on the continent, we cannot fail!
    Tarquin: [present] Spoiler alert: They failed.
  • From "General Assistance", when Tarquin gives Elan a flying carpet:
    Tarquin: At any rate, I'm happy to put at your disposal any or all of the resources of my kingdom.
    Elan: [looking at carpet] How do you control it?
    Tarquin: Fear and intimidation, mostly, though a little torture here and there helps.
    [Elan looks at Tarquin, horrified]
    Tarquin: Or did you mean the carpet? Just pull on one of the tassels.
  • Three ingredients: One Genre Savvy dictator, one egotistical, invisible idiot, and a Ring of True Seeing, and you have the recipe for a pointed "Gotcha" glare and a massive and hilarious Oh, Crap!.
  • Tarquin knew the entire time that there was a drow spy in his court disguised as a high elf, but didn't realize he worked for Nale. He assumed the dark elf hierarchy was scouting him for an alliance... so he sent them fruit baskets. Just the idea of the drow's reaction to a bunch of random fruit baskets showing up on their doorstep is hilarious.
  • And two strips later, Nale complaining that his dad's Genre Savvy didn't work in regards to Elan:
    Nale: Sure. You're the one who taught me that bards are underpowered.
    Tarquin: They are! With their mastery of the narrative structure, they should be ruling the entire cosmos by now!
  • At the end of "Raiders of the Lost Plot Arc", Tarquin makes a dramatic statement.
    Tarquin: ...Well?
    Nale: I'm not saying, "Dunh dunh DUNH!" for you.
    Tarquin: That is not how I raised you, young man!
  • Nale has created a new Linear Guild, but still needs a kobold...
    Chancellor Kilkil: ...Why are you all looking at me like that?
  • In an example of Black Comedy, Redcloak hires some "interior decorators" for the resistance base:
    Redcloak: By which I mean they'll mostly be decorating with your interiors.
  • "Loose Ends":
    • Another example of Black Comedy from our favorite goblin, there's his nonchalant admission to killing Tsukiko. What really sells it is how confused he looks at everyone else's shocked reactions.
      Xykon: OK, then, let's cast off, ye evil mateys! Where's what's-her-name, the chick with the pigtails?
      Jirix: Tsukiko? She was here when the sewer team reported in...
      Xykon: Anyone seen her since?
      Jirix: No.
      Monster in the Darkness: No.
      Redcloak: Not since I brutally murdered her ten minutes ago, no.
      [next panel]
      Redcloak: What? Does that count? I guess that counts.
    • That whole page is a good example of the classic Team Evil comedy we've come to love (especially the Demon-Roach comments in panels 4 and 8).
      Xykon: Hmmm, don't think this change of heart means I'm letting you grow your eye back.
      Redcloak: It never crossed my mind.
      Xykon: Good! I like you this way. It's like we have a grumpy pirate on the team.
      Demon-Roach: And thus began the Legend of Arrrghcloak!
  • Belkar's revenge on Yukyuk for hurting Mr. Scruffy. Also the fact that V and Belkar seem to be totally in sync with each other for it.
  • The Order makes it to the Windy Canyon!
    Roy: So, let's see... divinations aren't working and flight is being blocked by the wind, which we can't fix in any way. Do any of you have any magic that will actually HELP us find Girard at all?
    [next panel]
    Elan: [singing] Search, search, search, search the canyon for Girard's Gate!
  • "Either Way, Really":
    • The conversation between Roy and Haley in the last three panels. Now, bear in mind the page's title while reading that.
    • There's also V and Durkon's list of the ways human senses are inferior to the other player races.
  • The Order is trying to find Girard's gate, but the Draketooths are dead and unwilling to be resurrected by a Lawful Good person. So they try to use Speak With Dead on one of the Draketooths to find out where the gate is. The problem is, the spell allows the use of Literal Genie for answers.
    Roy: Where in Windy Canyon is Girard's Gate?
    Corpse: Around... the rift...
    Roy: OK, then, where is Girard's rift?
    Corpse: It lay... between... Girard's... buttcheeks.
    Elan: The tragic loss to the field of ass comedy diminishes us all.
  • "Under the Helmet": Roy figures out that the Thog they're fighting isn't Thog and tries to take off the enemy's helmet; only to find a person wearing a mask with the word NOPE! printed on it.
    Tarquin: Totally worth wearing a mask under my helmet for two days.
    Elan: Oh man! I should have known knowing something would never work out!
  • "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
  • "Pop Goes Pop":
    • Tarquin's non sequitur about why he knows Drow sign language.
  • "Looking for Regroup":
    • The medication Tarquin calls "cleric-in-a-can".
    • Even better is label, which looks just like one you'd see on any sort of medicine.
      Drug Facts
      Active Ingredient: Magic 71%
      Inactive Ingredients: Petroleum jelly, glycerin, heart of a virgin collected on his/her wedding night, fragrance.
    • Also, Roy trying to explain why he didn't let Elan join in the fight.
  • "Bet It Would Get Funded on Kickstarter":
    • Elan insisting on turning the strip into a Recap Episode because of the three-month delay caused by the Giant's hand injury, only to ultimately lose track of what he was saying and going into a story about a thumb knight fighting glass (basically the cause of said injury).
    • Belkar, who's just had his hearing restored, begging Durkon to re-deafen him so he doesn't have to listen.
  • "Lesson Fail":
    • Belkar's encounter with Malack starts with him surprised that he ran into him instead of Vaarsuvius.
      Belkar: What the—? You're not an elf at all!
      Malack: Nor have I ever been mistaken for one.
    • This is followed by Belkar trying to kill Malack... and getting completely curbstomped.
    • Belkar leaps at Malack; Malack casts Hold Person while Belkar is still mid-air; then the paralyzed Belkar falls on Malack with a "bonk!"
  • "Just a Couple of Blooddrinkers":
    • During Durkon's confrontation with Malack, he expresses shock over the reveal that Malack is a vampire, leading to this little exchange.
      Malack: Frankly, I assumed my lack of body heat would have given it away before this point.
      Durkon: I just thought yer cold 'cause reptiles're coldblooded.
      Malack: Actually, when active, exothermic organisms like reptiles have comparable body temperatures to—
    • When Malack casts Poison on Durkon, he smirks and says it tastes like "my mum's crabapple cobbler". (Dwarves have a high resistance to poison.)
  • "It's a Boy!":
    • Tarquin treating the newly vampirized Durkon like a newborn baby.
    • And purposefully Comically Missing the Point at Nale's insult so he can turn it back on Nale.
    • Immediately followed by Kilkil suddenly remembering to tell Tarquin that his "Father of the Year" plaque came in the mail.
  • "Fiend Swap":
    • Nale describing Sabine as a "tireless champion of evil", only for a cutaway scene showing her lying on a couch in the lower planes watching TV and channel-surfing.
    • Tarquin tells Nale he's leaving him in charge of finishing off the Order... at which point Nale reminds him he's already in charge.
      Tarquin: Oh, right.
  • Qarr completely failing against the combined forces of V and Blackwing's logic. Especially at the end.
    Blackwing: He's not stopping us from going up [the tunnel they fell down].
    Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt must have descended into the pyramid.
    Qarr: Oh, come ON! Now you're just guessing!
  • Ah crap, not this guy again.
  • It may be just an illusion but the Empress of Blood as a bridesmaid is hilarious. And Minister Malack in a black pope hat.
  • While #889 is a tearjerking and awesome moment for Elan, he still manages to offer a bit of levity at the end, providing a genre savvy lampshade like a good bard should.
  • Elan's Song of Freedom. He turns into a country music star. Seriously.
    Belkar: My gods... it's true... I am being punished for a lifetime of bad deeds — I have to listen to country music!
  • When Roy asks Elan to use any song that boosts saving throws, congratulates him on doing a good job as a bard and apologizes for snapping at him, Elan's reaction is to think that they are still in the fantasy.
  • How does Nale realize he's in a fantasy?
  • And after Nale triggers a trap (but survives it):
    Nale: Whoa! Did you see that?
    Malack: Yes.
    Nale: Before or after I triggered it ?
    Malack: ...
  • The Linear Guild discovering that Girard's Gate is in another pyramid. Because Girard and his family have a huge stone saying so in the innermost chamber. It was actually the gate.
  • One of the best anti-climaxes in the story of this webcomic. Xykon arrives at Girard's pyramid, fulfilling the Oracle's prophecy... and the pyramid explodes five seconds later.
  • A blink-and-you'll-miss it gag in #900, which serves as a Take That! to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: a demon-roach dressed in a fedora carrying a whip survives the Gate explosion by hiding inside a tiny refrigerator.
    • It's also kind of a Take That, Us since The Order just survived the explosion by hiding in a coffin. The Roach is an acknowledgement of the source material.
  • Vampire Thrall Durkon asking Malack if they should go looking for the second pyramid (after the hidden gate in the first was blown up). Malack: "No."
  • Roy is forced to fight with Haley's bow, and does pretty well up until he runs into a problem; Where does Haley keep her arrows?
    Belkar: Geez, what is it with that guy and needing to figure out all the fiddly little details?
    Haley: I know, right? It's called, "Suspension of Disbelief," Roy!
  • Nale and his Drow ally try to recruit the now free-willed Vampire Durkon in the Linear Guild. His response?
    Durkon: Aye... mebbe I haf changed. But tha two o' ye're still tha same old dicks!
He promptly cracks them both in the head with a single swing.
  • Pity about No Cure for Evil, eh, Durkon?
    "...I also haf potions."
  • Tarquin's giant army... is there for dramatic tension, and they are specially trained for ominous, plot-critical reveals.
    Random Soldier: General Tarquin has been in control of the empire the whole time!
    Tarquin: Yes, yes, we did that one already.
  • "Don't worry. You'll protect me."
  • Tarquin announcing his test to Haley is really funny, in a Black Comedy sort of way.
    Tarquin: Now that I know you come from such lowly stock, I need to make sure you're worthy of dating Elan. A father can't be too careful. He is my only son, you know.
    Haley: Starting two minutes ago!
    Tarquin: Right, which is why I need to be more careful going forward. Try to keep up.
  • Tarquin decides to kill Roy and the others so Elan can be the sole hero. While about to be hit by a rain of arrows, Belkar says this gem to Roy.
    Belkar: Can't we go back to dealing with your daddy issues?
  • #918 is full of 'em. From Sabine being punished for breaking the TV with cleaning duty, to Elan rubbing the fact that he's in a support role in his father's face, to the souls of the Empire's mooks piling up in Lee's inbox, what's not to love?
    Elan: [singing] Rub, rub, rub, rub my father's face in my uselessness!
  • #921:
    • V casually disposes of a squadron of pterodactyl riders, cutting off Haley's battle plan for dealing with them.
      Haley: Oh, right. Wizard.
      Blackwing: And THAT'S what you get for oppressing my clade brothers and sisters! BAM!
    • Tarquin's interactions with his other two teammates, who have even less respect for his narrative-structure views on things than Malack did. Laurin even calls him out on his parenting and Miron says that he's really not seeing the profit in Tarquin's current actions. Both admit they're not helping his army because they see that as enabling him.
    • "Oh, that reminds me: The Weeping King loves that splashy butt-washing thing she installed for him."
  • #922: Belkar tames an Allosaurus, and then sics it on Tarquin's soldiers!
    Flee! Flee before me, worms!!
    Roy: OK, now I know we're doomed. Belkar is acting like a ranger.
  • The Order is fighting Team Tarquin. They've had a couple Hope Spots, but now it seems like all is lost. Tarquin refuses to listen to Elan. What happens? Elan's plan from before they even found the pyramid comes back, in the form of Julio Scoundrel and the airship Mechane.
    Elan: [to a confused Roy] Don't look at me like that, there were like a ton of hints on this one.
  • It's rather hilarious that Elan's plan hinged on the Order somehow screwing up protecting the Gate and blowing it up just like the other two Gates they tried to protect. Roy admits that Elan had a point. Roy also tells Elan to stop retroactively justifying his plot twists.
  • "His Number One Fan":
    • Durkon in bat form (Panel 6). Still has his beard!
    • In the same page, Julio Scoundrel makes 3 carpet-related puns in one strip. Witness the power of a Dashing Swordsman!
    • Blackwing telling a polymorphed Bloodfeast how much of a fan he is of his work.
  • When Laurin stops V from disposing of Tarquin.
    Blackwing: Ooooooo! Caster fight! Caster fight!
    Varsuvius: Shush.
    Blackwing: caster fight!
The title of the next strip is "Caster Fight".
  • V's arsenal during the aforementioned fight includes Forcecage, Cone of Cold, Dimensional Anchor, Resilient Sphere, and Bird to the Face.
    Blackwing: Also, I totally snagged a bauble!
V's firm insistance that V did not order hir familiar to do that.
Varsuvius: I assure you my companion's decisions are reflective of nothing — least of all rational planning.
  • The final panel of #936 is tragically hilarious.
  • A hat-trick of funny moments in #937:
  • "Order of the Stick: Order Stickier"? Try again, Elan.
  • Belkar's fears of Vampire Durkon in #939. You get the feeling he's just being contrary because with a vampire on the team, his position as Token Evil Teammate is being threatened. And his comment about him now being a hipster because he gave blood before it was cool.
  • Ian Starshine finally warming up to Elan:
    Ian: Maybe you're not a diabolical sleeper agent out to infiltrate my family and destroy everything I've worked for.
    Elan: Truly, that's all any man can hope to hear from his girlfriend's father.
  • The major Brick Joke about the shop keeper from #136 that's revealed in #942. Turns out he's Haley's cousin.
  • In #943:
    • Julio Scoundrél decides to leave the ship in Elan's hands for his adventure, while he takes a holiday away, which Elan reads about in a letter. Turns out Julio is right behind him, doing the voiceover through a can. Elan goes with it anyway. Made even funnier when you realize that Elan was upset about Julio leaving without him saying goodbye-the overwrought "Farewell dear Captain" is him rectifying that while still playing along!
    • Another Brick Joke — Haley reveals that she was only kidding when she acted like she didn't remember Blackwing, just to "bust V's chops", which Blackwing congratulates her on. Elan, on the other hand, seems to honestly not recognize him.
      Elan: Wow! A talking bird!
      Blackwing: So is he also just—
      Haley: Probably not, no.
    • This is immediately followed by him turning to something completely unrelated without skipping a beat.
    Current Storyline 
  • The High Priest of Hel's reaction to Durkon's childhood.
    "If I wasn't made of negative energy, I would yarf."
  • Elan taking his role as a healer seriously, resulting in asking Banjo whether or not to heal, and telling the random crewman he's healing that he has so much to live for, since he's only been in three pages so far. And when Elan leans in to heal him, he accidentally stabs the crewmember in the chest with Banjo's scalpel. Not to mention the fact that Banjo (a hand puppet, mind you) actually has a tiny labcoat, surgical mask, otolaryngologist's mirror, and yes, scalpel.
  • "Spell It Out":
  • Busted.
  • He has the proper spell! That proves he can't possibly be Durkon!
  • "Takes One to Know One":
    • Apparently, all interactions between Belkar and Durkon are of the physical, nicknaming or insulting kind (specifically, of the body odor kind).
    • Belkar's face when fake-Durkon orders him to jump overboard.
      Belkar: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
    • Then right after:
    Belkar: I am going to shove the sunshine so far up where the sun don't shine that you will vomit nothing but warm summer days!!
  • "Collision Testing":
    • Belkar is given a psionic dagger by V from the spoils of their adventure in the desert. He immediately tests it on Not-Durkon.
      Belkar: Well, it's about time I got a magic weapon upgrade! The bard's gotten two, and he fights like an incontinent weasel.
      Vaarsuvius: I defer to your greater experience with both fisticuffs and mustelid evacuation habits.
    • After testing his new weapon, Belkar is again compelled to jump overboard. We see him being recovered by an unsmiling Roy, then he pays another visit to Vaarsuvius.
      Belkar: Works fine, thanks.
    • This exchange:
  • One of Durkon's memories has him and Roy fighting a giant frog. The frog chomps down on Roy, leaving only his legs exposed... and Durkon spends a few rounds wondering what Roy's leg twitches mean.
    Durkon: [just after Roy gets eaten] Lad? Are ye OK? Roy, lad, d'ye need help? Just wiggle yer foot if'n ye want me ta help. [Roy kicks his legs a few times]... OK, I dinnae know if tha were ye wigglin' yer foot intentionally, or if'n yer foot were movin' incident'lly 'cause yer bein' swallowed. Mebbe try kickin' yer feet tagether if'n ya want me ta get involved?
    [Roy kills the frog from within and pulls himself out]
    Roy: Okay, new party rule: From now on, if one member of the team is being eaten, go ahead and assume that you should do something about that.
    • Just prior to the above, while viewing a continuation of the dinner party scene from the previous strip:
      HPoH: Turn it off. I'm going to get lulled into oblivion if I have to watch any more of this.
      Durkon: Is tha a thing tha c'n happen?
      HPoH: No.
      Durkon: Darn.
  • #966:
    Elan: Oh! That reminds me! I've been meaning to ask...
    Bandana: No, just 'cause you have an airship does not mean the main plot will stand still while y'all fly around and finish up all the sidequests you missed. Why does somebody always ask that?
  • In Craft Wondrous Bauble, a gnome turns the ioun stone Blackwing got from Laurin in the last arc into a ring and fits it onto the familiar's leg.
    Gnome Artificer: Ha ha, looks good! Because really, who wants an annoying little thing zipping around, flying in front of your face when you're trying to cast?
    Vaarsuvius: I concur, but unfortunately he is my familiar and I am stuck with him.
    Blackwing: [staring at ring] So shiny...
    Vaarsuvius: [sigh] Come.
  • "Next Week They're Getting Drab":
    • Roy trying to get Durkon some help.
      Gnome Cleric: TURN UNDEAD!
      Durkon: Turn? Ye couldnae turn a year older on yer birthday.
    • Also:
      Roy: Since my friend hasn't done anything wrong and he's actively trying to fix his condition, I'm not going to let you chop off his head and fill it with holy wafers.
      Gnome Cleric: ...They're very tasty wafers.
      Roy: Still no.
  • Comic 970, Haley buys some wands.
    Elan: Wow, thanks, Haley! Those we really come in—
    Haley: Hey, hands off! They're not for you, Elan!
    Elan: But... you're not a spellcaster.
    Haley: So what? All you really need to do is wave it around and say the command word. Vaarsuvius has been helping me out with those ones I looted off Zz'dtri's body.
    (flashback to a wand having exploded in Haley's face)
    V: What is so tragic is that constitutes a marked improvement in technique.
  • In comic 972, Crystal actually seems smarter as a flesh golem. Though she is still dizzy enough to utter this gem:
  • Comic 973: "YOU KILLED ME!" "Yes, I know! I was there! Geez!"
  • On page 974, Bozzok is watching Crystal the Flesh Golem chase down Haley through a slot on a door, gloating that nothing can stop him from watching her demise, only for the chase to turn a corner.
  • #976 has Haley and Bandana burst into a weapons shop to get adamantine weapons and then literally throw a bag of money at the gnome couple who run the shop and were falling on very hard times. Literally, they yank the weapons out of the gnome's hand, chuck a huge bag of money at him without even looking, and start slashing up Crystal the moment she bursts through the wall. The sheer Mood Whiplash of poverty-stricken gnomes weeping about their hard times being suddenly turned around by a random case of adventurers and a flesh golem is hilarious. What's even more is their final decision. "We can afford to retire to the tropics." "Let's do that one."
  • After Haley kills off Golem Crystal, she wordlessly flies over to Bandana and one of the Department of Gnomeland Security members. After a few moments of silence, cut to... the three of them and Elan eating breakfast together. Even better, that ending was actually a Brick Joke. Remember when Haley haggled down the gnome engineers on repair costs for the Mechane? Part of that package included free meal tickets to the local waffle house for three!
  • As the High Priest of Hel tricks Roy into going to the temple of Hoder (where the priests wear blindfolds on duty, ergo they can't tell he's a vampire), Roy notices that since "Durkon" is walking, the priests will eventually notice there's two sets of footsteps but only one breath, and tells "Durkon" to breathe again. As it turns out, the HPoH... isn't very good at it.
    Hoderite Priest: Ah, a soulful bagpipe dirge for his departed friend.
    Hoderite Priestess: My feels have been hit for maximum damage!
  • The High Priest's plan is going swimmingly, he's finally figured out where the pilgrims are going, and is ready to start a side quest to "cure Durkon"... and due to Roy being mindful of the time constraints and sheer poor luck, his scheme ends up being derailed. The vampire spirit's fury is priceless, as well as the implication the Hoderites got an inkling of what was going on in the process.
  • Episode 989: Veldrina the Elf priest and her partner/bodyguard get into the Mechane, but her pet tiger won't come on it. Belkar decides to use his Ranger ability to force the tiger in, saying that one has to let the animal know who calls the shots around... and Mr. Scruffy starts to boss it around.
    Veldrina: I think I got a defective tiger.
  • #991:
    • The High Priest's going through Durkon's memories again, this time when young Durkon asked his "Uncle" (he isn't actually related) Thirden about something (which Thirden gloomily anticipates to be about sex).
      Child Durkon: How did Ma get hurt? An' how did me Pa die?
      Thirden: ...So, how about that sex, huh?
    • Then, Thirden gets around his promise of silence to Sigdi by telling Durkon a completely unrelated story about a Battle Couple he once worked with... and to teach Durkon about "subtext", which would probably help with the sex thing too.
    • When the High Priest of Hel starts indulging in some Evil Gloating, Durkon couldn't care less.
      Durkon: Och, fine, I get it. Evil, evil, evil. If'n ye keep twirlin' yer mustache tha hard, it'll fall out.
  • #994: "Thank you, sacred knight of the expository aside."
  • #999: Dark comedy given the situation, but some of the reasons the gods give for their votes in regards to the "should we destroy the world?" question are pretty funny. Especially Loki's.
  • #1001 introduces another Unsound Effect: "SNAPOUTTA!"
  • #1005: In the middle of an otherwise entirely serious "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight...
    HPoH: You're only saying that because you don't want the world to end.
    Roy: Of course I'm only saying that because I don't want the world to end! This is not an otherwise common topic of conversation!
  • #1008: Wrecan exploits Calling Your Attacks to distract Hel's High Priest, who he cannot directly attack, giving Roy time to knock him away and drink a healing potion.
    [High Priest looks at him]
    Wrecan: —is a thing I absolutely cannot do, because it would be against the rules.
  • #1010 Roy beats the High Priest of Hel into a wall with his sword shining a light green. Afterwards, he just says "Well, that was weird."
  • #1012 Roy trying to reach into the Antilife Shell with his sword.
  • How does the High Priest of Balder get the attention of the Demigod Priests? By screaming "FREE CAKE". His reaction to Roy's Big "NO!" seals it.
    High Priest of Balder: More of a pie man, then?
  • Vampire Gontor's sheer childlike reaction to Little Whiskers stomping on his summonned rats.
    Gontor Hammerfell: No fair!
  • After an epic brawl breaks out between more or less everyone, we're treated to this conversation between two halflings:
    High Priest of Balder: What do I do? What do I do?!
    High Priestess of Iðunn: Maybe serve the cake?
  • Blackwing's inventive use of a magic scroll.
    Blackwing: Okay. Well... the bad news is that this is a scroll of Locate Creature, which is a completely useless spell in the current situation.
    The good news is that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
    Abra candelabra! Frippity fruppity frooj! Pottericus mimicus!
    Now take cover!!
    [the scroll explodes, killing a large number of rats and getting the attention of the Mechane's crew]
    • Veldrina uses the Sending spell to tell editors about errors in math texts. However, she isn't so sure about the reply part — she's never gotten a response.
  • Belkar is fighting a vampire and is about to take it out when Roy runs by and cuts it in half, tells Belkar he was right all along and that they need to go. Belkar is upset he didn't get to gloat, only for V to fly over and finish off the vampire. Belkar gives up and goes to look for his daggers.
  • After realizing that Belkar was right, Roy considers taking his team's input seriously from now on. Then Elan asks why he didn't use Banjo to break the tie at the Godsmoot and Roy explains why it seriously wouldn't work. It's only after seeing Elan's scared reaction that he brings up the fact that Banjo's a puppet.
    Belkar: Yeah let's not swing that pendulum too far the other way, chief.
  • #1030:
    • The team tries to come up for a nickname for The High Priest of Hel. They come up with names like Count Durkula, Nose-Fur-atu, and Greg.
    • And then, they end the strip coming up with different nicknames for the real Durkon.
    • When Belkar is trying to hammer home to Elan that the High Priest isn't Durkon:
      Roy: Belkar is 100% correct.
      Belkar: Are you just trolling me at this point?
    • From the same scene:
      Belkar: We don't have to go fight Durkon, and you're a moron.
      Elan: Explain.
      Belkar: You're not very smart and you make poor decisions.
      Elan: I meant the first part.
  • #1031: The stoic and serious exchange between O-Chul and Lien about how they endure the cold turns out to be a "Paladin-off", basically bull-shitting the other about how badass-righteous they are. O-Chul wins and then makes a joke along similar lines.
  • The Demon-Roaches on bugbears:
    Roach 1: Wait, bugbears are just big hairy goblins? I thought they were weird wizard experiments that combined insects and bears.
    Roach 2: You're thinking of owlbears.
    Roach 1: Why would owlbears be half insect?
  • "Should always expect head rub. Safer that way. [...] See? Grim specter of noogie hangs like shroud over us all."
  • "No, you're a homophone!"
  • "Imagining getting it on atop a mountain of coins still technically counts as thinking about you."
  • Eugene returns.
  • After Eugene leaves, Roy comes up with a new way to get his sword to work:
    Roy: Pawn these visits off on Julia! Pawn these visits off on Julia! Pawn these visits off on Julia!
  • "Falling Rocs"
  • This gem from 1050:
    Elan: She called when Haley and I were in the middle of-
    Haley: Mouth shut, Elan.
    Elan: No, pretty much the opposite of that.
    Haley: ELAN!
  • V gives Haley a greater invisibility spell:
    Haley: (with an evil grin) I AM POINTY DEATH INCARNATE.
    Vaarsuvius: Yes, yes. Magic is very nice. Shall we?
    Vaarsuvius: Strange. He never crashes into me when I am flying invisibly.
    Haley: Probably because of the empathic link. Or because you keep talking the whole time.
    Blackwing: Look, if you don't want birds to crash into you, don't turn into a high-elevation windowfolk.
  • #1053: Belkar comes up and learns about the giants. Roy tells him he can't go down there - and Belkar jumps, taking advantage of his Feather Fall amulet.
    Roy: That little idiot! We don't have a full-time cleric to heal all the damage he's about to... not take. (Beat) Is he flipping me off as he floats gently down to the ground?
    Elan: Belkar, that's the wrong kind of bird! That one can't fly!!
  • #1068: Haley, V and Belkar finally realize the ship is gone.
    Belkar: Again?!? I understand why they keep sailing away from me, but they're supposed to like you!
  • #1075: After successfully knocking the second Ice Giant off the airship, Elan lampshades that knocking bad guys over is becoming their best move, and if it could work on Xykon.
  • Two funny moments from #1077:
    • So you have a Fly spell, and you get split up from your bardic boyfriend and his airship. How do you cheer him up when you get back, in a way that a class as Troperiffic as a Bard can appreciate? Well, if you're Haley, you give him an absolutely cliched and astonishingly inappropriate "Hi honey, I'm home!"
    • Roy asks if Vaarsuvius has a spell that can locate a specific object. Vaarsuvius responds, after a pause, that they do indeed, and it is called Locate Object.
      Blackwing: This is why I only rely on my deadly razor-sharp talons in combat.
      Vaarsuvius: I have watched you try and fail to pierce the skin of a potato.
      Blackwing: Sure, but I never made a whole B-plot out of it.
  • Apparently, a Weapon of Legacy is the good kind of Clingy MacGuffin, as Roy finds out in the middle of a Heroic B.S.O.D. over losing the sword again. His bemused testing of the returning weapon is even more hilarious.
    Roy: Never mind, I'm good.
  • After fighting off the Ice Giants, the team discusses how they were apparently sent by the demigod Thrym, who's sided with Hel. They figure the two have made some kind of dark pact... but then the last panel actually shows them:
    Thrym: So... do I still get to be your consort when you get Odin's throne?
    Hel: Get Out.
    • Earlier, there's this:
    Roy: Belkar is right.
  • In #1081, Thrym is trying to stay on Hel's good side, but it doesn't work, and she makes it clear that he's bordering on You Have Outlived Your Usefulness.
    Thrym: Is that all I am to you? A resource to be used in your scheme?
    Hel: Yes! And I explicitly told you that from the start!
    Thrym: Yeah, but I didn't think you meant it.
    • After this, Hel tries to activate her backup plan, using her command over disease to spread Sphinx Pox amongst the Mechane's crew and the Order via an infected Mr. Scruffy, which will apparently cause them all to sprout riddles until their brains bleed to death. She just overlooked one detail:
    Undead Minion: My queen, that virus has an incubation period of five weeks.
    Hel: If it loved me, it would replicate faster!
  • When Hel is complaining about her lack of worship:
  • 1083 ends with Hel saying that Thor and Loki will have Hel to pay once she pulls off her plan.
    Thrym: Wow, it must be cool to have a name that lends itself to so many villain puns.
    Hel: Yeah, I do actually have to give Dad credit on that one.
    • Drunk Thor in the flashback.
  • Durkon being upfront about his omissions.
    Ye dinnae ask fer it. Also, I hate ye an' I want ye ta fail.
  • One of the vampires getting a little obsessed with a locked door.
    "Do you want to be a wall?? Is that it? Do your job, your disobedient ingress!!"
  • The High Priest of Hel gets suspicious when Durkon provides him with the perfect memory for what he needs.
    HPoH: That was awfully easy. This isn't some sort of trick, is it? A false memory?
    Durkon: Och, if'n I could show ye stuff tha dinnae happen, I'd've told ye Roy's name was, like, Maurice or sumthin' on Day One. [...] Or showed ye Haley refusin' payment while Belkar served soup to orphans. An' Elan did math in the background!
    HPoH: OK, yes, fine. Point taken.
  • Durkon torments the High Priest of Hel by calling up one of his less pleasant memories.
    HPoH: [holding his nose] Oh Hel—it's revolting!
    Durkon: Tha's tha memory o' tha first time I got food poisonin' from human cookin'.
    Memory!Durkon: Unnnnh...
    HPoH: Turn it off! Turn it off!
    Durkon: Suit yerself, but thar's six more hours o' me runnin' ta tha can, an' ye'll haf ta smell ev'ry minute of it at some point!
    • This also raises the question of who the Lethal Chef was whose cooking bypassed the dwarven racial bonus to poison resistance. The High Priest better hope Durkon learned his lesson about accepting a meal from them.
  • The flumphs are back, and finally having some good luck!
    • On the same page, Bandanna speaks for the fandom.
      Bandanna: They fight trees! Dwarves are nuts!
  • Elan hears the phrase "Mind Blank", assumes it's going to lead to a joke about him, and prefers to willingly trigger it than let it blindside him.
  • The team finally reaches Firmament:
    Bandanna: Hope that magic doodad you got can lead the way to your secret entrance, though, 'cause I can't see squat.
    Elan: Oh, he's right here. (points at Belkar, who gives him a Death Glare)
    • When Bandanna states that the ship can wait two weeks for them to return before they need to go for fuel, Roy responds in a less than helpful way.
    Roy: Well, if we fail, the whole world will blow up long before then. Though I guess there's a chance that we stop the vote but still all die in the process...
    (Bandanna looks terrified)
    Elan: OK, Roy, I think we're going to have to have a refresher on that whole "hope" thing.
  • When the Order reaches the secret entrance to the Temple of Door, they run into a little trouble from the local guards. Elan tries to plead their case, leading to this:
    Minrah: Hmmm. Your words are sweet, but your breath is pungent. I doubt someone who stinks of so much garlic could be working with vampires. I believe you, Smelly Human.
    Elan: Hooray!
    Minrah: Please stop breathing on me.
  • When the Order is stuck in a Forcecage surrounded by vampires, Roy orders everyone to close their eyes so the vampires can't use Hypnotic Eyes on anyone… with the result being that they are stuck in a Forcecage, surrounded by vampires, while standing around with their eyes closed.
    Haley: So, I can't help but feel like maybe we've taken a step backwards here.
  • Belkar killing vampires:
    "Screw you! And you! And especially you!"
  • Hilgya returns. With a kid. One that Haley, Elan and Belkar immediately decide is Durkon's. V's comment is icing on the whole cake.
  • Even the High Priest of Hel can be horrified by some of Durkon's memories.
    Unholy Hel! Is that... is that a workplace orientation seminar?!
    • Additionally, while Durkon is a prisoner helpless to stop the vampiric spirit using his body to do terrible things, one of the other vampires' hosts turns out to have been repressing evil desires in life and is actually pretty happy about the whole situation.
    Vampire: Listen, after we're done here, me and her are gonna go try some messed up stuff she's been thinking about for like a bajillion years. Want to come with?
    High Priest: Eh, might as well, if Hel doesn't have other jobs for me.
    Vampire: Cool. You're gonna want to bring a poncho, FYI.
  • Hilgya casts Protection From Law on Elan.
    Elan: Ooooo, tingly! Hey, if I am Protected from Law now, does that mean—
    Haley: You still need to wear pants in public, babe.
    Elan: Aww, magic never does anything the fun way.
  • The Order's opening move against the vampires?
    High Priest of Hel: Welcome to Round Two, Roy. I think you'll find that this time, you won't be saved by some surprise magic trick you pull from your-
    (Shot of a sloth, beaver, and rat riding giraffes, each one a different color, into the room, knocking one vampire aside.)
    Rat: Woooooo!
    (Shot of the bewildered High Priest's expression before cutting to Hilgya, Roy, and an equally-confused Minrah)
    Hilgya: What? They're cheap to summon and have a ton of hit points.
  • Elan was right about the flaw in using Durkon's memories to counter the Order's attack.
    Lackey: But master, you said they would just rush in.
    High Priest of Hel: I thought they would! I don't know how they are doing this!
    Other lackey: If it turns out your host was the one holding them back this whole time, you can't come do evil stuff with me after.
  • Blackwing has sunglasses. Haley is surprised... at first.
    Blackwing: Did you think I didn't own an accessory for the specific purpose of sassily telling people to Deal With It?
    Haley: Fair.
  • The High Priest of Hel makes a deal with Durkon: if he shows him a memory that does not have the members of the Order or Hilgya, with no time stops or breaks, he will let Durkon and Hilgya's son, Kudzu live. Durkon begins to show him a memory that includes him washing dishes for twenty minutes.
    High Priest of Hel: I shouldn't have said, "No time jumps".
  • Elan, brainwashed by the High Priest of Hel, tries to convince Roy to switch sides.
    Elan: Join us, Roy. We have free massages, and pizza every Thursday.
    Roy: That can't possibly be true, you've been dominated for less than a minute!
    Elan: Also, we can lie as much as we want.

    Supplementary Material 
  • "Uncivil Servant," the Belkar prequel story:
    • Belkar mentions to a local that his tattered clothes are because he just escaped seven months of slavery.
    Townsman: Geez, that sounds terrible!
    Belkar: Actually, I was pretty impressed with their business model. I mean, sure, their execution needed some work—particularly the part where they enslaved me. But as a proof of concept? Really solid.
    Townsman: And, uh, what happened to the slavers?
    Belkar: (Holding up a knife and grinning) I helped them with their executions.
  • "The Mother Load", from Dragon magazine:
    • After killing a Goblin high priest, Haley, Belkar and Durkon found (and fought) the high priest's piggy bank, with Belkar returning to Roy with a sack filled with 10,000 copper pieces in his hands.
    Belkar: Wait. We're tracking encumbrance now?
    Roy: Always have been, actually.
    The sack falls right on top of Belkar with a loud 'WHUMPH!'.

  • Take a closer look at the strip's titles on the Webcomic page. In-jokes and puns abound.
    • 705: "Those Don't Take Over Until The Graveyard Shift" The Resistance was about to bust the Goblins' prisons, with Thanh telling Niu that the prison would be guarded only by a skeleton crew due to the celebrations. Niu came bringing maces and holy waters to the operation.
      Niu: What? Look at the world we live in, it was a reasonable assumption.
  • 1014: Rats come to help Vampire Gontor. Gontor calls for aid!
  • The site's server maintenance warning on 8/3/2016 treats the comic like some unholy legion. To quote:
    "I have been informed by the half-mad sorcerers who maintain the shrieking rituals necessary to wrench the accursed web server to some twisted semblance of life that lo, as the moon waxes these next few days, there may be interruptions in availability for as many as two score and eight hours while the unholy rite of DNS propagation winds its bloody way through the dark heart of the internet. But hear this oath: As the heartless sun sets on day of its name, so will the server burst forth— reborn and cloaked in the flesh of the unbelievers—to once again terrorize the land with its unspeakable thirsts and its stick figure fantasy comics. Let no woman or man say that fair warning was not given!
  • This series of tweets:
    Ghast Whisperer (@thats1evildude): Well, at least the mountains aren't fighting.
    Rich Burlew: Suddenly 137 galeb duhrs come in from off-panel.
    Rich Burlew: Also, I hereby propose that the proper plural of "galeb duhr" should be "galebs duhr"
    sudo /bin/Brian -f Merchant (@briankmerch): and the collective noun clearly must be "an avalanche of galebs duhr"