- The Monster in the Darkness IS crowning moment of funny incarnate. From his very first appearance, when he's at least trying to be the beast of untold horror Xykon wants him to be, he proves to be an endless source of comic gold. Gold such as...
- "Bluff, Bluff, Bluff, Bluff the stupid ogre!"
- An early example, but hilarious, Durkon's repeated use of "turn undead". Rule of Three is definitely in play as he keeps blinding Roy and V.
- "Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion!"
- "Elan's blade."
- Roy gets attacked by a mind flayer, and all Vaarsuvius cares about is that their mind isn't being eaten.
- Retroactive death is the funniest kind.
- How Xykon deals with employee complaints.
- I've been suppressing the urge to beat the crap out of someone who looks EXACTLY like you for a long, long time.
- "Totally worth it."
- "What would Thor do?"
- "Go Team Cleric!"
- Redcloak's reaction to the Dwarf Porn.
- Elan thinks Vaarsuvius is half-camel
Elan: I wonder what the ECL on a half-camel is.
Belkar: Well, it's gotta be pretty low since V is a primary spellcaster.
Roy: Belkar, don't encourage him.
- This belief has not died out, even after a few hundred strips later
Elan: V, if you translate, do you think I could talk to one of the camels? Y'know, since you're half-camel?
Vaarsuvius: You are a bottomless pit of self-reference, are you not?
- Move Silently check.
Elan: I GOT A FOUR!!!
- The appearance of Fruit Pie the Sorcerer.
- The whole of "Dead Men Tell Tales", but especially when Xykon asks Redcloak to cast Speak with Dead.
Redcloak: Um, OK, hello, sir, how are you today? This is lovely weather—
Xykon: Not me, you moron!
- "Tiny man is violating Gortok's personal space!"
- "It's Not a Gaming Session Until Someone Quotes Monty Python"
I think you're drifting into another sketch
- "It beats working retail."
- Redcloak gets a spine.
Xykon: One for all and all for one, right?
Redcloak: I can't help but notice that your sense of team spirit is inversely proportional to your number of functioning appendages, sir.
Demon-Roach: He shoots, he scores!
Xykon: Cute. Did you actually grow a spine there, Redcloak?
Redcloak: Perhaps I just got hit with a piece of yours when you exploded, sir.
- Redcloak becoming Supreme Leader of the hobgoblins.
- "Your horse, sir or madam."
- "My vengeance shall be prolonged, diminutive cretin."
- "Vomit. Now. ...And aim for the halfling."
- "Hey, look, I just regenerated a finger. Guess which one."
- "I think I just had an evilgasm."
- "Attack of Opportunity! Attack of Opportunity!"
- Roy is the King of Nowhere.
- Miko's rant on how the Order may have killed a Good-aligned dragon.
Miko: Without proper training, it is nigh impossible to tell the good dragons from the evil ones. In your ignorance, you may have slain a powerful force for Good in this world! What proof do you have that you did not vanquish a stalwart defender of the weak in your mad lust for treasure?
Roy: Umm...its scales weren't all shiny?
Miko: Ah. Then its destruction was just and necessary.
Elan: Dragons: Color-coded for your convenience!
- "Can everyone stop using the word "bone" as a verb?!"
- "Detect Evil!" "Too slow, sister."
- Miko's reaction when Haley tells off Roy for judging her.
- "By the Twelve Gods and in the name of Lord Shojo, I demand to know: Who removed the tag from this mattress?!?"
- The entire sequence of events that follows Roy donning a Belt of Masculinity/Femininity, particularly Haley's digs in "Mean Girl", and the following "Growing Some". She doesn't let up until she comes down with stress-induced aphasia.
- WHORE ATTACK!
Shadowdancer: Screw this! I'm not getting rubbed out by magic-wielding hookers!
"Kaboom" Redaxe: Must be some obscure prestige class...
- Thog on rocket skates.
- Sabine's Deadpan Snarker reply to Nale's request to find somewhere where no-one would notice a bound and gagged schoolgirl.
I'll start near the Hentai
bookstore and work my way out.
- Luckily, Belkar's is a multipurpose lead sheet.
- This exchange:
Belkar: No one pays you to think, ears!
Vaarsuvius: ...they actually pay me to do nothing BUT think, you moron!
- After Haley is struck with aphasia, she communicates a vital plot point to Roy by charades. Roy does pretty well, until he fields this guess:
Roy: Shojo has a gaze attack that causes encephalitis!
- "A few years ago, I narrowly escaped an assassination attempt -- one that resulted from an unpopular edict I had issued."
Ninja: THIS is what we think of Meat Loaf Day!
- A Brief Intermission
"You fools! We've been loved by moviegoers for over 50 years! Do you know what kind of power that gives us? We have become like unto tiny refreshing GODS!"
- Where the Buffalo Wings Roam:
Belkar: Look, if they can't get actual buffalo wings, why the heck are they on the menu? I'm doing them a service. It's not my fault my mouth waters at the thought of biting into juicy, delicious, nonexistent appendages of an endangered species.
Winged Buffalo: Oh, that is IT! I am going over there!
Other Winged Buffalo: Calm down, Harold. We're supposed to be having a nice dinner.
- The Event:
- Explosive Runes Coffee... Good to the last- *BOOM*
Durkon: Filterin' the coffee wit Roy's sweat socks was a nice touch.
Vaarsuvius: I pride myself on attention to detail.
- Haley's rather effective method for solving the standard Knights and Knaves dilemma.
- Even better when it's revisited: The Test of the Memory.
- "A Grand Experiment":
- The names on Belkar's "Hate/Lust" list.
- "Wild Empathy Check! WILD EMPATHY CHECK!!!"
- The Sending spell having a strict 25-word limit.
Holy crap, Nale! Nale:
Long time no see. Roy:
Damn, he's just some sort of mental projection into my brain! Nale:
As you can no doubt tell, I am mentally projecting these words into your brain. So just sit there— [beat] Roy:
Ah, sorry. I forgot the spell has a limit of 25 words per spell casting. Never mind, where was I? Oh right, I was saying— [beat] Nale:
Sorry, ran out of words again. Anyway, I was contacting you so that we might find a way, as fellow strategists, to come to an— [Roy facepalms] Nale:
—DAMN STUPID SPELL! I mean, who can get anything really meaningful said in 25 frickin' words?! I'm going to find whoever designed this spell and—
- Durkon grasps the core principles of V's theory.
- Pompey rambling like a Card-Carrying Villain while Roy is right behind him.
Roy: Shut up.
Pompey: Shutting up, yessir.
- "Getting paid to kill things: Cornerstone of the world economy."
- After Miko uses a demon roach to escape her force cage, a hilarious little mini-scene which is easily missed:
Demon Roach: It... it was horrible!
Demon Roach #2: [holding up a little roach doll] Show me on the doll where she touched you.
- "Innocent Man":
- Miko and Redcloak fight. Redcloak manages to weaken Miko and asks Xykon to kill her. However, Xykon is quite busy betting 200 gp on the fight with the Demon-Roaches... and he bets on Miko. And the Monster in the Darkness has a popcorn bucket and a giant hand, supporting Redcloak.
- Lord Shojo's puppet show.
- "All hands on deck! This is not a drill! Repeat: This is NOT a drill!!"
- Haley's mind splits into pieces.
"No-one asked you, Haley's Latent Bisexuality."
- "Not How She Pictured It, Certainly":
- "The Cliffport Redemption":
- After they break out of jail, Elan and Thog are forced to work together. Noodle Implements, Final Fantasy, leprechaun suits and hilarity ensue. Trust us, it makes sense in context.... Okay, we wouldn't use the word "sense".
Thog: thog not get references.
- "While singing the complete score to 'Meet Me in St. Louis'." Okay, maybe just for the musical-theatre geeks. The best part? According to the limitations of the Charm Person spell, singing showtunes while killing people is something that's perfectly compatible with Belkar's nature.
Vaarsuvius: While I enjoy the work of Judy Garland as much as does the next elf, I think perhaps we should see Miss Starshine for some well-tied restraints. A gag, in particular.
- Nale tries to convince Elan that Haley has been working for the Linear Guild for ages.
Elan: You can't expect me to believe something so-
Elan: Oh. Right.
- Leggo My Ego!": Thog is apparently scared of Teletubbies.
- His earnest joy at the group hug before being hit with "Hold Person" as well
- Roy's reaction, after sleeping through an entire battle with the Linear Guild.
- "This is your junk." And then everything afterward.
Belkar: I sense a great disturbance... as if a thousand double-entendres cried out, and were suddenly silenced...
- In "A Special Pre-Approved Offer", Sabine tries to convince Miko, a now-fallen Paladin into a Blackguard (she even trots out the Honest John-style sleaze: "Plus, for a limited time, we're offering 5000 gp cash back on qualified level trade-ins!"). That, in itself, is pretty funny, but the real side-splitter (or maybe that's just me, since I like Black Comedy) is when Miko looks like she's going to accept,...but then reaches around and snaps Sabine's neck. What makes this funny is that, due to Sabine being a demon, this doesn't kill her - it's not even a major injury, but it is annoying, since now her head is turned in the opposite direction.
Sabine: Fine, be that way. But if you decide to sell your soul later, I can't guarantee I'll pay full market-value!
- Belkar has two Devils instead of one of each because "the angel... doesn't work here anymore". Then the scene cuts to an angel in a straitjacket crying: "...and he kept stabbing them, again and again... He's a Halfling, he's supposed to be jolly... Why isn't he jolly? WHY ISN'T HE JOLLY?!"
- Elan gets a note from Haley and Hinjo starts acting like a school teacher/principal; it only gets better from there.
Hinjo: Is that a note?
Elan: Uh, no, sir!
Hinjo: What did I told you and Miss Starshine about passing notes in my battle?
Elan: That we should be paying attention to who we're fighting.
Hinjo: That's right. Now hand it over.
Hinjo: You can get it back when I see you after the battle in my office. I mean throne room.
Azurite Soldier: Ooooo, you are SO gonna get detention!
Elan: I hope he doesn't notify Roy...
- The ultimate duel between clerics.
- Check it out, I totally conducted a job interview in the middle of a battle!
Goddamn it! I forgot how much pain tends to hurt!"
- Even better, since Xykon has been a major Smug Snake, and it's good to see someone finally giving him a beating.
- Haley watches as Roy's corpse falls into a newly-formed rift, and opts to fire an arrow at him to keep him from being lost forever... said arrow hits his groin.
I'm sure Durkon can fix that, too.
- The angelic review of Roy, culminating in a graph showing Belkar's evil, measured in kiloNazis (first recorded use of that).
- Followed by the ultimate Take That by Roy.
Roy: In lieu of Paradise, can I just get a picture of the exact expression on his face?
- Roy is taken on a tour of Paradise after his death. It's not quite what he was expecting.
Roy: So... I could have all the one-night-stands I want, but I'd have to have them at my mom's house? Are you trying to make people feel guilty about sex?
Roy's Archon: Actually, yes. We've found that our Lawful patrons generally expect it that way.
- "Evil adventuring party." "It happens. C'mon, I'll take you fishing." The most hilarious part is how blasé everyone is about killing an adventuring party in the living room.
- Elan realizes the trolls are too stupid to get his puns.
Elan: Uh oh. I may need to dumb down my puns.
Hinjo: The gods help us all.
- Most of Belkar's stuff on "A Momentary Experience", but the wights in the second panel deserve a mention:
Wight 1: Did—did that halfling just hit me in the face with a pineapple??
Wight 2: I think he did. Also, I think no one has ever asked that exact question in the history of civilization, so bonus points there.
- The TRUE power in Azure City..
- "Yeah... kick that string's ass, Mr. Scruffy."
- "Supreme Leader, I have that lampshade you requested."
- "Hello? Mommy?"
- "Slow and Steady My Ass!" Look at the turtle. And in the next strip, "At Least The Turtle Escaped On His Own" as well as the grammar lessons.
- The Island of Cyclops.
- Roy's ghost trying to get the Oracle's attention... with D&D-themed yo mama jokes.
Roy: Yo mama's so fat, they use a grapefruit for her miniature.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even see her feats.
Yo mama's so fat, her Speed is listed as "Hell no!"
- Made even better when the Oracle casually reveals that he has been able to hear Roy the entire time by commenting on Roy's mom.
- After Belkar sets off his Mark of Justice:
The Giant Illusory Head of Lord Shojo: Hello, this is the giant illusory head of Lord Shojo speaking.
If you're seeing this implanted message, you have violated the terms of your Greater Mark of Justice because you inflicted lethal damage within the bounds of a city, town, or village, strayed more than one mile from Roy, or cheesed Roy off enough for him to say the magic command word. Roy's ghost:
Well, I guess I can finally stop worrying about accidentally saying the word "squiddleydoodlefluffer" in casual conversation. Giant Illusory Head of Lord Shojo:
The designated curse will now take effect. Sucks to be you, I guess.
- The billboard for the town that was built by the Oracle: "Lickmyorangeballshalfling".
No, seriously, give 'em a good once-over!
- When Roy returns to Fluffy Cloud Heaven, his father is griping about 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons rules while Roy's Archon DMs.
Roy: I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
Eugene: Good, then you can tell me what page it says you don't die til -10 HP.
- Durkon doesn't approve of Banjoists or Gigglesists.
Durkon: But...but thar na real gods! Thar puppets! Cannae ya see tha thar just puppets?!?
Elan: The only way to settle this dispute between two gods is with a pie-eating contest!
Durkon: PUPPETS CANNAE EVEN EAT PIE!!!
- Elan is trying to have a secret meeting with Therkla, only to get interrupted by Qarr, and then by talking trees
- Kazumi Kato, in the middle of her psychotic pregnant rage, encounters a ninja who begs for his life, as he has children too. Her response?
Kazumi: Oh yeah? Did you go through six months of hemorrhoids to get them? Turn around and I'll show you exactly what that feels like.
- The Groin Attack Unsound Effect in 586
- "Sit on me head."
Sit on me head.
- The reason Argent has a silvered bite.
Lord Shojo: Look, I'm sorry he needs his teeth filled, but it's not my fault! You said it was OK to feed him table scraps when you were gone!
Hinjo: A 20-lb. tub of strawberry frosting does not qualify as a "table scrap"!
Lord Shojo: Then you obviously haven't been eating at the right tables!
- Elan finally grasps sarcasm.
- "A word of advice: If you're going to do business with criminals, don't pick a nickname based on any body part you can't afford to lose. *sigh* I shoulda listened to Appendix Steve when he tried to warn me."
- "My mouth feels like a cool mountain spring!" "My last breath... is also my mintiest...."
- "Let's not be hasty". Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- In "This Happens to Telemarketers All the Time", Vaarsuvius shows us their various takes on the classic Dungeons & Dragons "Bigby's Hand" spells, culminating in Bugsby's Expressive Single Digit.
- The choir of pedophiles.
- The fact that their faux-Latin is a perfect syllabic match to "One-Winged Angel".
- Haley acquires the necessary diamond to resurrect Roy by stealing it from the cast page. After that, the cast page is revised so that Haley is now holding a card saying "I.O.Me One big-ass diamond" instead.
- Haley dismisses Celia.
- "12 silvers and some pieces of string is sort of a waste of my talents.
Belkar: Mr. Scruffy calls dibs on the string!
Elan: Awww, man!
- "I'll nay let ye corrupt this fine town, ye date-bearing bitch!"
- When the Order's first lead on Girard's Gate turns out to be a false lead, Vaarsuvius plans on leaving a message in case Girard scrys the area. To help, Elan writes into the sand 'HELP! THERE'S A EPIC SORESIRER LITCH COMMING 2 TAKE YOU'RE GATE!!1! LUV, ELAN"
Roy: ...So, are you planning on—
Vaarsuvius: There will be a proofing stage, yes.
- "Stopping for Direction":
Belkar: Fine, but don't say I don't ever make sacrifices for the team.
Roy: You don't ever make sacrifices for the team.
- "Dancing Knights!"
- "This Whole Time, He'd Thought of It as the Snack That Got Away":
- "Puns are for girls."
- From the same one:
Gannji: Get your blue ass up.
Enor: But the elf said to sit on my hands.
Gannji: You don't have hands, you moron! You have claws!
Enor: Oh yeah.
Gannji: For the record, you'll also be safe if it tells you to sit on your brain.
- To make three — Blackwing dramatically enters the scene as Gannji and Enor are about to run off with having captured Haley and Vaarsuvius.
Before you take my wizard away, I just have one question. [turns to the prostrate Vaarsuvius] So you're saying that purple lizard
- The Gilligan Cut between Tarquin's conquest and Tarquin running for his life with a young Nale (blowing a raspberry) in tow.
- And now there're two, back-to-back:
- Dinosaur rides are the perfect solution to any ethical quandary.
- "YOU DID!"
- Elan's Imagine Spot when he really wants Roy to meet his Dad.
Since Roy's father is dead, I've decided to legally adopt him! Now you're for-real brothers! Roy and Elan:
Hooray! Tarquin: Also you both get puppies.
- Durkon wishes there was a way to keep in touch with fellow cleric Malack. Fortunately, Malack has such a thing.
Macebook helps you connect and share with the clerics in your life. Add Durkon Thundershield as a friend? Durkon will have to confirm that you are friends.
Kotor, Paladin of Marduk is smackin' dragons, yo.
Kotor, Paladin of Marduk has updated his location.
Nyr-Atul, Priest of Tiamat has updated his location.
Kotor, Paladin of Marduk joined the group Need a Rez.
- This exchange:
Durkon: Lass! Dinnae ye think ye've drank enough?!?
Haley: Depends. Am I drunk enough yet that later, I won't remember getting out-logicked by Elan?
Durkon: Och! Na. Ye'll need at least two more pints for that.
Elan: I'll go order another round.
- "Caress, caress, caress, caress my lithe supple body!"
- The Empress of Blood flying despite an enormous round and bloated body, and disproportionately small wings.
Empress: I am here! I am your ruler! Look at me! I am cool, but I am also very warm! Woooo!
Elan: She can FLY???
Tarquin: Quite the stumper, isn't it?
Vaarsuvius: I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner.
Empress: If anyone needs me, I will be up here on my throne, being awesome!
- There's a certain sadistic hilarity to Tarquin's irritation when his plan to impress Elan goes wrong. Said plan involved Elan's name being set up in gigantic flaming letters on the mountainside, which does impress Elan until Tarquin reveals that the letters are made of escaped slaves being burned at the stake. While Elan continues to stare in horror, Tarquin grumbles to himself, "Crap, the three prisoners at the bottom of the E burned out early. Now it looks like I just really like custard."
- Elan and Tarquin's duel is possibly the largest Hurricane of Puns in the series.
- The glorious hurricane of Genre Savvy and Shout Outs in "Plotting Something".
- "Beneath our love... Can't we just stick with beds?"
- As it turns out, "preparation" is a virtue in the Empire of Blood's guard staff.
- In order to sneak into the Empire of Blood's prison Haley drinks a Potion of Glibness, which boosts her already high Bluff skill to such a high level she can effortlessly convince anyone of anything, no matter how ridiculous:
- When Haley introduces her father to Roy, and Ian Starshine deduces what is happening.
Roy: Actually, your daughter works for me, Mr. Starshine, not the other way around. I'm the leader of the Order of the Stick.
Ian: Oh, I see. [sotto voce, to Haley] Good work, Kitten. Always let the stuffed shirts think they're in charge. This way, you can subtly manipulate them into doing what you need without them realizing that you arranged it all from the shadows.
Haley: No, Dad—
Roy: And for that matter, we didn't come here to rescue you. We're here in this region on a totally unrelated mission. It's just sheer coincidence that we happened to get thrown in the same cell block as you.
Ian: [sotto voce, to Haley] Wow. You've gotten good at this.
- "Okay, yes, but it was consensual every time, sir!"
Geoff: Make peace with your god.
Elan: I can't! He's in my pocket!
- Shortly after, when Haley tells Roy to bust her father out when he escapes.
Roy: ...OK. Yeah, OK, I'll do it. You're his daughter. I guess at his age, you have a right to determine where he lives for his own good. It's sort of like putting him in a nursing home, only you're taking him AWAY from the abusive staff and daily loss of human dignity.
- Belkar threatening to cut a goat's nipples off if it gives cows milk to Mr. Scruffy.
- Two gladiators and a guard getting eaten by an Allosaurus.
- Mr. Scruffy attempting to save his master... and suceeding.
- #784: When the Allosaurus is freed, everyone has looks of shock and/or astonishment on their faces. Except for Vaarsuvius, who looks mildly concerned.
- "No Time for Losers":
- And then the actual fight, next comic...
Thog: thog says, "fudge the police!"
- "Also, His Popularity Has Waned":
- Elan effectively weaponizes his Contractual Genre Blindness. Elan expresses surprise that Nale is alive. Nale points out that a villain "dying" off-panel means they're certain to come back. Elan replies that of course he knows that, but the trope requires the hero to believe the villain is dead for it to work:
Elan: First blood: ELAN!
- It's Elan's incredibly smug expression that makes it work. The fact that for once he managed to out-smug Nale is the icing on the cake.
- Two for Vaarsuvius in the same strip:
V: I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is, "Sneak Attack, bitch."
V: By all means, feel free to attempt to murder your own ally. I believe he just ceased his struggles against my mental commands to shoot you.note
- "Bound to Happen": Look closely at the next-to-last panel: He's handing her a sword. Go Elan!
Elan: Wow, this whole "identical twin" thing has never worked out in my favor before!
- "Celestial tree sloth attack!!"
- "Holy Enunciation":
- Durkon, noticing Elan being dropped a considerable height by Sabine, prepares to cast "Cleric's Feather Fall", more commonly known as "Heal".
- Not to mention how he can't cast a spell because his god and his helpers can't make out his accent.
- "Except Maybe the Undead"
Roy: I guess the question is, where is Vaarsuvius now if not out here?
Blackwing: Banished to another plane. Also, Elan took Haley to the palace to warn Durkon.
Belkar: [slightly freaked out] Who said that?
Roy: That bird. I think it's the one who's been on V's shoulder these past two weeks.
Belkar: It can talk?
Roy: No, probably not. I think it's some sort of magical message that was triggered when I asked were V was, like a Magic Mouth spell. Those were V's words, just coming out of the bird's beak.
Blackwing: You are both ignorant cretins.
Belkar: Yeah, I guess you're right.
- The last 2 panels of 812. The title is "And Yet, the Canned Meat Merchant Still Gets Through"
- Tarquin is quite understanding that Elan has to run off.
Tarquin: Think nothing of it, Elan. We've all had that one adventure that suddenly turned into a race.
Adventurer: [in flashback] If Tarquin and his party get their hands on the Lost Treasure of Sdigiji, they'll have enough money to raise an army of ten thousand men! For the sake of everyone on the continent, we cannot fail!
Tarquin: [present] Spoiler alert: They failed.
- From "General Assistance", when Tarquin gives Elan a flying carpet:
- Three ingredients: One Genre Savvy dictator, one egotistical, invisible idiot, and a Ring of True Seeing, and you have the recipe for a pointed "Gotcha" glare and a massive and hilarious Oh Crap!.
- Tarquin knew the entire time that there was a drow spy in his court disguised as a high elf, but didn't realize he worked for Nale. He assumed the dark elf hierarchy was scouting him for an alliance... so he sent them fruit baskets. Just the idea of the drow's reaction to a bunch of random fruit baskets showing up on their doorstep is hilarious.
- And two strips later, Nale complaining that his dad's Genre Savvy didn't work in regards to Elan:
- At the end of "Raiders of the Lost Plot Arc", Tarquin makes a dramatic statement.
Nale: I'm not saying, "Dunh dunh DUNH!" for you.
Tarquin: That is not how I raised you, young man!
- Nale has created a new Linear Guild, but still needs a kobold...
- In an example of Black Comedy, Redcloak hires some "interior decorators" for the resistance base:
Redcloak: By which I mean they'll mostly be decorating with your interiors.
- "Loose Ends":
- Another example of Black Comedy from our favorite goblin, there's his nonchalant admission to killing Tsukiko. What really sells it is how confused he looks at everyone else's shocked reactions.
Xykon: OK, then, let's cast off, ye evil mateys! Where's what's-her-name, the chick with the pigtails?
Jirix: Tsukiko? She was here when the sewer team reported in...
Xykon: Anyone seen her since?
Monster in the Darkness: No.
Redcloak: Not since I brutally murdered her ten minutes ago, no.
Redcloak: What? Does that count? I guess that counts.
- That whole page is a good example of the classic Team Evil comedy we've come to love (especially the Demon-Roach comments in panels 4 and 8).
Xykon: Hmmm, don't think this change of heart means I'm letting you grow your eye back.
Redcloak: It never crossed my mind.
Xykon: Good! I like you this way. It's like we have a grumpy pirate on the team.
Demon-Roach: And thus began the Legend of Arrrghcloak!
- Belkar's revenge on Yukyuk for hurting Mr. Scruffy. Also the fact that V and Belkar seem to be totally in sync with each other for it.
- The Order makes it to the Windy Canyon!
Roy: So, let's see... divinations aren't working and flight is being blocked by the wind, which we can't fix in any way. Do any of you have any magic that will actually HELP us find Girard at all?
Elan: [singing] Search, search, search, search the canyon for Girard's Gate!
- "Either Way, Really":
- The conversation between Roy and Haley in the last three panels. Now, bear in mind the page's title while reading that.
- There's also V and Durkon's list of the ways human senses are inferior to the other player races.
- The Order is trying to find Girard's gate, but the Draketooths are dead and unwilling to be resurrected by a Lawful Good person. So they try to use Speak With Dead on one of the Draketooths to find out where the gate is. The problem is, the spell allows the use of Literal Genie for answers.
Roy: Where in Windy Canyon is Girard's Gate?
Corpse: Around... the rift...
Roy: OK, then, where is Girard's rift?
Corpse: It lay... between... Girard's... buttcheeks.
Elan: The tragic loss to the field of ass comedy diminishes us all.
- "Under the Helmet": Roy figures out that the Thog they're fighting isn't Thog and tries to take off the enemy's helmet; only to find a person wearing a mask with the word NOPE! printed on it.
Tarquin: Totally worth wearing a mask under my helmet for two days.
Elan: Oh man! I should have known knowing something would never work out!
- "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
- "Pop Goes Pop":
- "WHAT ABOUT THE DAMN MANSION WHORES? GEEZ, YOUR OLD LADY'S BEEN GONE FOR ONLY 18 SECONDS! KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL AFTER THE BATTLE."
- "ELAN, IS IT COOL IF I KILL YOUR BROTHER WHAT CAN'T HEAR YOUR ANSWER SORRY!"
- Tarquin's non sequitur about why he knows Drow sign language.
- "Looking for Regroup":
- The medication Tarquin calls "cleric-in-a-can".
- Even better is label, which looks just like one you'd see on any sort of medicine.
- Also, Roy trying to explain why he didn't let Elan join in the fight.
- "Bet It Would Get Funded on Kickstarter":
- Elan insisting on turning the strip into a Recap Episode because of the three-month delay caused by the Giant's hand injury, only to ultimately lose track of what he was saying and going into a story about a thumb knight fighting glass (basically the cause of said injury).
- Belkar, who's just had his hearing restored, begging Durkon to re-deafen him so he doesn't have to listen.
- "Lesson Fail":
- Belkar's encounter with Malack starts with him surprised that he ran into him instead of Vaarsuvius.
- This is followed by Belkar trying to kill Malack... and getting completely curbstomped.
- Belkar leaps at Malack; Malack casts Hold Person while Belkar is still mid-air; then the paralyzed Belkar falls on Malack with a "bonk!"
- "Just a Couple of Blooddrinkers":
- During Durkon's confrontation with Malack, he expresses shock over the reveal that Malack is a vampire, leading to this little exchange.
Malack: Frankly, I assumed my lack of body heat would have given it away before this point.
Durkon: I just thought yer cold 'cause reptiles're coldblooded.
Malack: Actually, when active, exothermic organisms like reptiles have comparable body temperatures to—
Durkon: I DINNAE WANT A SCIENCE LESSON RIGHT NOW!!!
- When Malack casts Poison on Durkon, he smirks and says it tastes like "my mum's crabapple cobbler". (Dwarves have a high resistance to poison.)
- "It's a Boy!":
- Tarquin treating the newly vampirized Durkon like a newborn baby.
- And purposefully Comically Missing the Point at Nale's insult so he can turn it back on Nale.
- Immediately followed by Kilkil suddenly remembering to tell Tarquin that his "Father of the Year" plaque came in the mail.
- "Fiend Swap":
- Nale describing Sabine as a "tireless champion of evil", only for a cutaway scene showing her lying on a couch in the lower planes watching TV and channel-surfing.
- Tarquin tells Nale he's leaving him in charge of finishing off the Order... at which point Nale reminds him he's already in charge.
- Qarr completely failing against the combined forces of V and Blackwing's logic. Especially at the end.
Blackwing: He's not stopping us from going up [the tunnel they fell down].
Vaarsuvius: Sir Greenhilt must have descended into the pyramid.
Qarr: Oh, come ON! Now you're just guessing!
- Ah crap, not this guy again.
- It may be just an illusion but the Empress of Blood as a bridesmaid is hilarious. And Minister Malack in a black pope hat.
- While #889 is a tearjerking and awesome moment for Elan, he still manages to offer a bit of levity at the end, providing a genre savvy lampshade like a good bard should.
- Elan's Song of Freedom. He turns into a country music star. Seriously.
Belkar: My gods... it's true... I am being punished for a lifetime of bad deeds — I have to listen to country music!
- When Roy asks Elan to use any song that boosts saving throws, congratulates him on doing a good job as a bard and apologizes for snapping at him, Elan's reaction is to think that they are still in the fantasy.
- How does Nale realize he's in a fantasy?
- And after Nale triggers a trap (but survives it):
Nale: Whoa! Did you see that?
Nale: Before or after I triggered it ?
- The Linear Guild discovering that Girard's Gate is in another pyramid. Because Girard and his family have a huge stone saying so in the innermost chamber. It was actually the gate.
- One of the best anti-climaxes in the story of this webcomic. Xykon arrives at Girard's pyramid, fulfilling the Oracle's prophecy... and the pyramid explodes five seconds later.
- A blink-and-you'll-miss it gag in #900, which serves as a Take That to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: a demon-roach dressed in a fedora carrying a whip survives the Gate explosion by hiding inside a tiny refrigerator.
- Vampire Thrall Durkon asking Malack if they should go looking for the second pyramid (after the hidden gate in the first was blown up). Malack: "No."
- Roy is forced to fight with Haley's bow, and does pretty well up until he runs into a problem; Where does Haley keep her arrows?
Geez, what is it with that guy and needing to figure out all the fiddly little details? Haley:
I know, right? It's called, "Suspension of Disbelief
- Nale and his Drow ally try to recruit the now free-willed Vampire Durkon in the Linear Guild. His response?
Durkon: Aye... mebbe I haf changed. But tha two o' ye're still tha same old dicks!
- The final panel of #936 is tragically hilarious.
Tarquin: THIS IS A TERRIBLE ENDING!!!
- A hat-trick of funny moments in #937:
- "Order of the Stick: Order Stickier"? Try again, Elan.
- Belkar's fears of Vampire Durkon in #939. You get the feeling he's just being contrary because with a vampire on the team, his position as Token Evil Teammate is being threatened. And his comment about him now being a hipster because he gave blood before it was cool.
- Ian Starshine finally warming up to Elan:
Ian: Maybe you're not a diabolical sleeper agent out to infiltrate my family and destroy everything I've worked for.
Elan: Truly, that's all any man can hope to hear from his girlfriend's father.
- The major Brick Joke about the shop keeper from #136 that's revealed in #942. Turns out he's Haley's cousin.
- In #943:
- The High Priest of Hel's reaction to Durkon's childhood.
"If I wasn't made of negative energy, I would yarf."
- Elan taking his role as a healer seriously, resulting in asking Banjo whether or not to heal, and telling the random crewman he's healing that he has so much to live for, since he's only been in three pages so far. And when Elan leans in to heal him, he accidentally stabs the crewmember in the chest with Banjo's scalpel. Not to mention the fact that Banjo (a hand puppet, mind you) actually has a tiny labcoat, surgical mask, otolaryngologist's mirror, and yes, scalpel.
- "Spell It Out":
- He has the proper spell! That means he can't possibly be Durkon!
- "Takes One to Know One":
Belkar: I am going to shove the sunshine so far up where the sun don't shine that you will vomit nothing but warm summer days!!
- "Collision Testing":
- Belkar is given a psionic dagger by V from the spoils of their adventure in the desert. He immediately tests it on Not-Durkon.
Belkar: Well, it's about time I got a magic weapon upgrade! The bard's gotten two, and he fights like an incontinent weasel.
Vaarsuvius: I defer to your greater experience with both fisticuffs and mustelid evacuation habits.
- This exchange:
- One of Durkon's memories has him and Roy fighting a giant frog. The frog chomps down on Roy, leaving only his legs exposed... and Durkon spends a few rounds wondering what Roy's leg twitches mean.
Durkon: [just after Roy gets eaten] Lad? Are ye OK? Roy, lad, d'ye need help? Just wiggle yer foot if'n ye want me ta help. [Roy kicks his legs a few times]... OK, I dinnae know if tha were ye wigglin' yer foot intentionally, or if'n yer foot were movin' incident'lly 'cause yer bein' swallowed. Mebbe try kickin' yer feet tagether if'n ya want me ta get involved?
[Roy kills the frog from within and pulls himself out]
Roy: Okay, new party rule: From now on, if one member of the team is being eaten, go ahead and assume that you should do something about that.
Oh! That reminds me! I've been meaning to ask... Bandana:
No, just 'cause you have an airship does not
mean the main plot will stand still
while y'all fly around and finish up all the sidequests you missed. Why does somebody always ask that?
- In Craft Wondrous Bauble, a gnome turns the ioun stone Blackwing got from Laurin in the last arc into a ring and fits it onto the familiar's leg.
Gnome Artificer: Ha ha, looks good! Because really, who wants an annoying little thing zipping around, flying in front of your face when you're trying to cast?
Vaarsuvius: I concur, but unfortunately he is my familiar and I am stuck with him.
Blackwing: [staring at ring] So shiny...
Vaarsuvius: [sigh] Come.
- "Next Week They're Getting Drab":
- Roy trying to get Durkon some help.
Gnome Cleric: TURN UNDEAD!
Durkon: Turn? Ye couldnae turn a year older on yer birthday.
Roy: Since my friend hasn't done anything wrong and he's actively trying to fix his condition, I'm not going to let you chop of his head and fill it with holy wafers.
Gnome Cleric: ...They're very tasty wafers.
Roy: Still no.
- Comic 970, Haley buys some wands.
Elan: Wow, thanks, Haley! Those we really come in—
Haley: Hey, hands off! They're not for you, Elan!
Elan: But... you're not a spellcaster.
Haley: So what? All you really need to do is wave it around and say the command word. Vaarsuvius has been helping me out with those ones I looted off Zz'dtri's body.
(flashback to a wand having exploded in Haley's face)
- In comic 972, Crystal actually seems smarter as a flesh golem. Though she is still dizzy enough for uttering this gem:
Crystal: I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH IT!
- On page 974, Bozzok is watching Crystal the Flesh Golem chase down Haley through a slot on a door, gloating that nothing can stop him from watching her demise, only for the chase to turn a corner.
- #976 has Haley and Bandana burst into a weapons shop to get adamantine weapons and then literally throw a bag of money at the gnome couple who run the shop and were falling on very hard times. Literally, they yank the weapons out of the gnome's hand, chuck a huge bag of money at him without even looking, and start slashing up Crystal the moment she bursts through the wall. The sheer Mood Whiplash of poverty-stricken gnomes weeping about their hard times being suddenly turned around by a random case of adventurers and a flesh golem is hilarious. What's even more is their final decision. "We can afford to retire to the tropics." "Let's do that one."
- After Haley kills off Golem Crystal, she wordlessly flies over to Bandana and one of the Department of Gnomeland Security members. After a few moments of silence, cut to... the three of them and Elan eating breakfast together.
- As the High Priest of Hel tricks Roy into going to the temple of Hoder (where the priests wear blindfolds on duty, ergo they can't tell he's a vampire) Roy notices that since "Durkon" is walking, the priests will eventually notice there's two sets of footsteps but only one breath, and tells "Durkon" to breathe again. As it turns out, the HPoH... isn't very good at it.
- The High Priest's plan is going swimmingly, he's finally figured out where the pilgrims are going, and is ready to start a side quest to "cure Durkon"... and due to Roy being mindful of the time constraints and sheer poor luck, his scheme ends up being derailed. The vampire spirit's fury is priceless, as well as the implication the Hoderites got an inkling of what was going on in the process.
- Episode 989: Veldrina the Elf priest and her partner/bodyguard get into the Mechane, but her pet tiger won't come on it. Belkar decides to use his Ranger ability to force the tiger in, saying that one has to let the animal know who calls the shots around... and Mr. Scruffy starts to boss it around.
Veldrina: I think I got a defective tiger.
- The High Priest's going through Durkon's memories again, this time when young Durkon asked his "Uncle" (he isn't actually related) Thirden about something (which Thirden gloomily anticipates to be about sex).
- Then, Thirden gets around his promise of silence to Sigdi by telling Durkon a completely unrelated story about a Battle Couple he once worked with... and to teach Durkon about "subtext", which would probably help with the sex thing too.
- When the High Priest of Hel starts indulging in some Evil Gloating, Durkon couldn't care less.
Durkon: Och, fine, I get it. Evil, evil, evil. If'n ye keep twirlin' yer mustache tha hard, it'll fall out.
- #994: "Thank you, sacred knight of the expository aside."
- #999: Dark comedy given the situation, but some of the reasons the gods give for their votes in regards to the "should we destroy the world?" question are pretty funny. Especially Loki's.
- #1001 introduces another Unsound Effect: "SNAPOUTTA!"
- #1005: In the middle of an otherwise entirely serious "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight...
You're only saying that because you don't want the world to end. Roy: Of course
I'm only saying that because I don't want the world to end! This is not an otherwise common topic of conversation!
- #1008: Wrecan exploits Calling Your Attacks to distract Durkon, who he cannot directly attack, giving Roy time to knock Hel's High Priest away and drink a healing potion.
Wrecan: SNEAK ATTACK FROM BEHIND—
[High Priest looks at him]
Wrecan: —is a thing I absolutely cannot do, because it would be against the rules.
- #1010 Roy beats the High Priest of Hel into a wall with his sword shining a light green. Afterwards, he just says "Well, that was weird."
- How does the High Priest of Balder get the attention of the Demigod Priests? By screaming "FREE CAKE". His reaction to Roy's Big "NO!" seals it.
- Vampire Gontor's sheer childlike reaction to Little Whiskers stomping on his summonned rats.
Gontor Hammerfell: No fair!
- After an epic brawl breaks out between more or less everyone we're treated to this conversation between two halflings:
- Blackwing's inventive use of a magic scroll.
Okay. Well... the bad news is that this is a scroll of Locate Creature, which is a completely useless spell in the current situation.
The good news is that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Abra candelabra! Frippity fruppity frooj! Pottericus mimicus!
Now take cover!! [the scroll explodes, killing a large number of rats and getting the attention of the
- Veldrina uses the Sending spell to tell editors about errors in math texts. However, she isn't so sure about the reply part — she's never gotten a response.
- Belkar is fighting a vampire and is about to take it out when Roy runs by and cuts it in half, tells Belkar he was right all along and that they need to go. Belkar is upset he didn't get to gloat only for V to fly over and finish off the vampire. Belkar gives up and goes to look for his daggers.
- After realizing that Belkar was right, Roy consider taking his team's input seriously from now on. Then Elan asks why he didn't use Banjo to break the tie at the Godsmootand Roy explains why it seriously wouldn't work. It's only after seeing Elan's scared reaction he brings up the fact that Banjo's a puppet.
Belkar: Yeah let's not swing that pendulum too far the other way, chief.
- The Demon-Roaches on bugbears;
Roach 1: Wait, bugbears are just big hairy goblins? I thought they were weird wizard experiments that combined insects and bears.
Roach 2: You're thinking of owlbears.
Roach 1: Why would owlbears be half insect?
- "No, you're a homophone!"
- Eugene returns.
- After Eugene leaves, Roy comes up with a new way to get his sword to work;
- "Falling Rocs"
- This gem from 1050:
- V gives Haley a greater invisibility spell:
Haley: (with an evil grin) I AM POINTY DEATH INCARNATE.
Vaarsuvius: Yes, yes. Magic is very nice. Shall we?
Vaarsuvius: Strange. He never crashes into me when I am flying invisibly.
Blackwing: Look, if you don't want birds to crash into you, don't turn into a high-elevation windowfolk.
- #1053: Belkar comes up and learns about the giants. Roy tells him he can't go down there - and Belkar jumps (taking advantage of his Feather Fall amulet.
That little idiot!
We don't have a full-time cleric to heal all the damage he's about to... not take. (Beat)
Is he flipping me off
as he floats gently down to the ground? Elan:
Belkar, that's the wrong kind of bird! That one can't fly!!