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Quotes / Foe Romance Subtext

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    Anime and Manga 
The word "rival" is read as homo. It means getting along so well that people will misunderstand it as homo.
Urabu Shizuru, Fujimura-kun Mates

You're mine. Don't even bother resisting; you'll only make it worse, and that could be painful.
Megatron to Starscream, Transformers: Unicron Trilogy

    Comic Books 
Does it bother you... bother you at all, really... that Batman likes Catwoman better? (laughing) He'll never love you, sweetheart! You can keep screwing with his city, but he's never gonna take you to the prom!
Lex Luthor to The Joker, Outsiders

    Fan Fiction 
Truth is, a spirit of chaos doesn't get to enjoy a lot of consistency in life. All I've had to look forward to are conflict, taxes... And you. I've asked myself many times, "What would I be without Celestia?" And you know what? I never like the answer. Enemy or rival or whatever, you're an important part of my life. The world is more fun because you're in it. And what better day to celebrate you than today?
Discord to Celestia, in this My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fan comic

'The only one to defeat you' obviously means 'the only one to shag you!'
The Fangirls of Hell picking up on Michael/Lucifer, Paradise Thwarted

    Film - Animated 
Terry: The "real" Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him.
The Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Terry: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
The Joker: I'm not hearing this...

Batman: All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others and then end him.
The Joker: Awwww. So you do think about me.

The Joker: Okay, look, I-I'm fine with you fighting other people if you wanna do that, but what we have is special. So when people ask you who's your number one bad guy, you say...
Batman: Superman?
Joker: Are you seriously saying that there's nothing, nothing special about our relationship?!
Batman: Whoa! Let me tell you something, J-Bird. Batman doesn't do ships.
Joker: What?
Batman: As in relationships. There is no us. Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
Joker: (floats away looking heartbroken)

Batman: I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I hate you, Joker.
Joker: I hate you too!
Batman: I hate you more.
Joker: (holding back happy tears) I hate you most.
Batman: I'll hate you forever.

    Film - Live-Action 
The Joker: Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.

I used to fuck guys like you in prison!
Jimmy, Road House

I see you've found my trophy room, Dalton. The only thing missing... is your ass.
Brad Wesley, Road House

Helen: Hate and love are not so very different things. Both are focused upon another. Both are intense. Both are passionate.
Harry: And there's not much difference between "kiss" and "kill". If you only look at the letters.

It is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred and love be not the same thing at bottom. Each, in its utmost development, supposes a high degree of intimacy and heart-knowledge; each renders one individual dependent for the food of his affections and spiritual fife upon another: each leaves the passionate lover, or the no less passionate hater, forlorn and desolate by the withdrawal of his subject.

    Live-Action TV 
If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's to keep your friends close, and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.

Wesley: You know that sinking feeling you sometimes get the morning after? It arrived early.
Lilah: (stretching) It's like a little death. Several, in fact.
Wesley: Get out.
Lilah: What? No sweet kiss? No "When can I see you again?"
Wesley: (Death Glare)
Lilah: Watch the dirty looks. That's what got me going in the first place. I'll give you this - you sure know how to channel your rage, frustration, and hate. Always a bigger turn on than love.

Spike: You can't deny it. There's something between us.
Buffy: Loathing! Disgust!
Spike: Heat. Desire.

Michael: You know, I thought after serving five years in a Russian prison you would have found a new hobby.
Chechik: Oh, those five years just make me want to find you more. You get over the one that got away.
Burn Notice, "The Hunter"

I don't know whether to fuck you or fuck you up!
Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

His prince is dreamier than mine... Is that a gay thought or a jealous thought? ...No, definitely a jealous thought.
— Inner monologue watching Christian dance for a ballet audition, Dance Academy

The Doctor: I've been alone ever since...but not anymore. Don't you see, all we've got is each other!
The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?
Doctor Who, "The Sound of Drums"

I'll admit in the past I've fantasized about waking up with Will's head on the pillow next to me, except now I picture it attached to the rest of his body.
Sue Sylevester, Glee

Sinclare: Oh Max, if you really hated Kyle you couldn't have slept with him.
Khadijah: No, Max is versatile that way.

I've often wondered what this moment would be like. Me... you tied up. It's a shame you brought the children.
Nikola Tesla to Helen Magnus, Sanctuary

Once this is over, we should really have angry sex.
Bella to Dean, Supernatural

Rick: Oh, so you've been going through my Y-fronts have you, Vyvyan? I suppose you fancy me, is that it?
Vyvyan: (pause) Yes! As a matter of fact I do, Rick. I really really fancy you, and I want to give you a big girly kiss on the bottom!
Rick: Urgh, Mike, Vyvyan's gone all funny! He says he wants to kiss my bottom!
Vyvyan: Oh! Did I say kiss you on the bottom? I'm very sorry, what I meant was, stick a pickaxe through your spinal column!

Who will be your pretty little enemy?
When I'm gone your world will prove empty
I promise, you will always remember me.

Could it be that you need me to keep you out, to run you faster
Promise me you'll let me be the one
The worst of all your enemies
Pretending you're a friend to me
Say that we'll be nemeses.
Jonathan Coulton, "Nemeses"

I wanna hear you scream
I wanna see you bleed
I wanna wrap my hands around that pretty neck and squeeze
If I could make you cry
I swear that I could fly
If it's not clear I wish that you would
Close the door and stay with me tonight
The Homestuck Fan Musicians, "Jack and the Black Queen"

You and I go back
As far as I can remember
When you swore you'd take the world over
And I did think you're crazy
But also you did look hot in leather
How 'bout less psychosis, more romancin'?
Kirby Krackle, "Then Again, Maybe Not"

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

The magical potion of reanimation
Rise from bed my darling
So I can see you again
So I can kill you again
And I'll reassemble you again...
(Someday I'll conquer the land and have you slayed)
Blast away, blast away, don't be like Lancel0t, you are the new upgrade
(I appreciate your thoughts, but you've given me too much to tolerate!)
I've done so much for you, but you treat me this way...

    Professional Wrestling 
Randy Orton on Kofi Kingston, WWE Raw, December 7th 2009

There's a strange exhiliration
In such total detestation!
Wicked, "What Is This Feeling?"

    Visual Novels 
Then I shall answer you with unforgiving hate, and unrelenting love!
Nyarlathotep, Demonbane

    Web Comics 
Frohman: So lemme get this straight... you guys complain about every aspect of this game, yet you've been playing every day since 1999?
Fans: Yep - pretty much.

Who's that there? You're security post? One-eye? Forget you, Vanderbeam, that's a guy I could learn to hate. I already hate him so much I'm gonna ask him to hate-marry me.
Therin Zarde, Starslip

    Web Original 
Super Ninja (holding what looks like a poster of Chuck Norris): I hate you, Chuck Norris! I hate you, hate you, hate you!!
Linkara: That's why I printed off this huge picture of you! Hate you~! (beat) Marry me.
Atop the Fourth Wall, review of Chuck Norris and the Karate Kommandos #1

Kakashi: So Naruto, you and Sasuke are bitter rivals.
Naruto: Umm, that depends, do bitter rivals like to do sex with each other?
Sakura: If their names are David Bowie and Mick Jagger they do.

Nail: Hello? Can I help you with something?
Vegeta: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.
Nail: Ooh, ooh! Is this really happening? Cause I really hope it is.
Vegeta: Oh, trust me, you don’t want any of what I am right now.
Nail: Then come on, bring all four feet of you! Or should I count your stupid hair?
Vegeta: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.
Nail: Big talk coming from a bipedal bitch.
Vegeta: Oh, ho ho! Oh, I gotta admit, you are the best challenge I’ve gotten out of your people yet! Then again, all I have to compare you to are those villagers I slaughtered.
Nail: Oh, you are DEAD!
Super Kami Guru: NAIL!! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like [makes disgusting slurping noises]

Guys, not only is this monster destroying the city, he's coming onto us!

Batman: You belong in a cell.
Joker: We belong together! In fact, there's a ceremony right upstairs, waiting for us to walk down the aisle, and seal the deal!
[Batman Neck Lifts Joker]
Joker: Gkkkk... It's a compliment...

Mercy: Go fuck yourself!
Moira: Fuck me yourself, you coward.
Tumblr Overwatch fancomic

    Western Animation 
Heatwave: Flash was creative. He'd have run circles around us, spinning away our oxygen.
Weather Wizard: Ha! All you do is punch and kick like a child throwing a tantrum!
Captain Cold: The old Scarlet Speedster would vibrate his molecules right outta that bronze.
Weather Wizard: With a smile and an "Aw, shucks" that just made you wanna... rip him to shreds, you know?
(All sigh)
Heatwave: Is that-?
Captain Cold: He's back!
Weather Wizard: (wipes away tears) I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
Batman: The Brave and the Bold, "Requiem for a Scarlet Speedster!"

The Dib? The Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he is evil!
Zim, Invader ZIM

Mask, your powers are bizarre, unpredictable and beyond the realms of science... and if you were a woman, I would marry you.
Pretorius, The Mask

"We met at an evil genius expo in Seattle, and, well, me and Peter, we just instantly disliked each other. And then he foiled a little evil scheme of mine, and I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. [...] It's not that I don't hate you anymore, I do. But look, I- I just think it's time for us to, you know, take a break and start fighting other people."
Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

Without your schemes my life, it seems, is empty
I spent all my time keeping you from doing wrong
You were my only nemesis
I'd foil your plans, but still I miss
The moments when we didn't get along
I fell for you the moment that you pushed me
You captured me and held me for so long
But now you're doing battle with a panda from Seattle
I miss the moments when we didn't get along
So search your heart, please, Doctor D
And I am sure that you will see
That you were always meant to be
My only lifelong enemy
You gave my life heroic cause
Back when my only mission was
The moments when we didn't get along

Dr. Orpheus: Oh, it must be dreamy to have a costumed nemesis. Chasing you... wringing his gloved hands in concern of your every move...
Dr. Venture: You're kidding, right?
Dr. Orpheus: It just seems so romantic.
The Venture Bros., "Tag Sale - You're It!"

But being a magic superhero that keeps chasing the same guy? It’s completely gay. And this is coming from a guy who voluntarily has sex with other men!
The Alchemist, The Venture Bros.

    Real Life 
It is a little bit of a mini-tragedy that [Xavier] and Magneto don't, you know, have sex and become married and become best friends.
James McAvoy shares his thoughts on Charles / Erik


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