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Anime and Manga
The word "rival" is read as homo. It means getting along so well that people will misunderstand it as homo.
— Urabu Shizuru, Fujimura-kun Mates
You're mine. Don't even bother resisting; you'll only make it worse, and that could be painful.
— Megatron to Starscream, Transformers: Unicron Trilogy
Comic Books
(Joker points a pair of scissors at a woman)
Woman: Please please don't...
Joker: Between us, this has nothing to do with you... but I've got to get his attention, and so far nothing has worked.
Woman: ...Oh God don't please don't please I'm begging you.
(a shadow looms over Joker and the woman)
Joker: Finally! I was beginning to think you didn't love me...anymore?
(Joker turns around to see Bane)
Joker: Oh, This Is Gonna Suck...
Woman: Please please don't...
Joker: Between us, this has nothing to do with you... but I've got to get his attention, and so far nothing has worked.
Woman: ...Oh God don't please don't please I'm begging you.
(a shadow looms over Joker and the woman)
Joker: Finally! I was beginning to think you didn't love me...anymore?
(Joker turns around to see Bane)
Joker: Oh, This Is Gonna Suck...
Plutonian: Those weren't instruments of crime Modeus was building... They were sex robots. Modeus was in love with me.
Samsara: ...That's... That's not... He didn't love... he hated you...
Plutonian: He did both. No thinner boundary on the human map. He'd hurt me, but I was the one he'd never kill. The one whose attention he demanded to the point he destroyed anything that might compete for it.
Samsara: ...That's... That's not... He didn't love... he hated you...
Plutonian: He did both. No thinner boundary on the human map. He'd hurt me, but I was the one he'd never kill. The one whose attention he demanded to the point he destroyed anything that might compete for it.
Does it bother you... bother you at all, really... that Batman likes Catwoman better? (laughing) He'll never love you, sweetheart! You can keep screwing with his city, but he's never gonna take you to the prom!
— Lex Luthor to The Joker, Outsiders
Fan Fiction
Truth is, a spirit of chaos doesn't get to enjoy a lot of consistency in life. All I've had to look forward to are conflict, taxes... And you. I've asked myself many times, "What would I be without Celestia?" And you know what? I never like the answer. Enemy or rival or whatever, you're an important part of my life. The world is more fun because you're in it. And what better day to celebrate you than today?
— Discord to Celestia, in this
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fan comic
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fan comicAs I look at you my enemy
I realize that we are closer than any companions
The sight of you stirs my blood
To passions greater than any lover
For you I traveled these vast desert plains, sword in hand
For you I left behind all those I said I loved
I am never more alive when fighting with you
I realize all my hate is an illusion
Your respect is worth more than a hundred empty compliments
From those who claim to be my friends
As we join in combat this one last time
Arms locked together in endless embrace
I hope we will fight forever in Sto-Vo-Kor
My enemy, my love.
I realize that we are closer than any companions
The sight of you stirs my blood
To passions greater than any lover
For you I traveled these vast desert plains, sword in hand
For you I left behind all those I said I loved
I am never more alive when fighting with you
I realize all my hate is an illusion
Your respect is worth more than a hundred empty compliments
From those who claim to be my friends
As we join in combat this one last time
Arms locked together in endless embrace
I hope we will fight forever in Sto-Vo-Kor
My enemy, my love.
— Klingon poem cited in Irrelevant Conversations
Nightmare of Dûl Incaru: Hunt me if you dare. [giggles] Do it. Renew the war between us. We are linked through murder and this murder is love. I adore you, Lord of Loss. Show me you feel the same.
Ikharos: Fuck. Off.
Nightmare of Dûl Incaru: Never. [leans closely and places arms around Ikharos's neck] I'm yours. I am your muse. I fill your nights with violence and I drive you to bloodshed. Without me, you are rudderless.
[...]
Ikharos: I will kill you. I will rend you apart. I will flense your soul into nothing. I will end you.
Nightmare of Dûl Incaru: [smiles] I know. Shall we see if it sticks this time around? I look forward to it. You are more dear to me than my own mother, for you have-
Ikharos: Don't you say it. Don't you dare fucking say it.
Ikharos: Fuck. Off.
Nightmare of Dûl Incaru: Never. [leans closely and places arms around Ikharos's neck] I'm yours. I am your muse. I fill your nights with violence and I drive you to bloodshed. Without me, you are rudderless.
[...]
Ikharos: I will kill you. I will rend you apart. I will flense your soul into nothing. I will end you.
Nightmare of Dûl Incaru: [smiles] I know. Shall we see if it sticks this time around? I look forward to it. You are more dear to me than my own mother, for you have-
Ikharos: Don't you say it. Don't you dare fucking say it.
"The only one to defeat you" obviously means "the only one to shag you!"
Film — Animated
Terry: The "real" Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him.
The Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Terry: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
The Joker: I'm not hearing this...
The Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Terry: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
The Joker: I'm not hearing this...
Batman: All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others and then end him.
The Joker: Awwww. So you do think about me.
The Joker: Awwww. So you do think about me.
The Joker: Okay, look, I-I'm fine with you fighting other people if you wanna do that, but what we have is special. So when people ask you who's your number one bad guy, you say...
Batman: Superman?
Joker: Are you seriously saying that there's nothing, nothing special about our relationship?!
Batman: Whoa! Let me tell you something, J-Bird. Batman doesn't do ships.
Joker: What?
Batman: As in relationships. There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
Joker: (floats away looking heartbroken)
Batman: Superman?
Joker: Are you seriously saying that there's nothing, nothing special about our relationship?!
Batman: Whoa! Let me tell you something, J-Bird. Batman doesn't do ships.
Joker: What?
Batman: As in relationships. There is no "us." Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
Joker: (floats away looking heartbroken)
Batman: I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I hate you, Joker.
Joker: I hate you too!
Batman: I hate you more.
Joker: (holding back happy tears) I hate you most.
Batman: I'll hate you forever.
Joker: I hate you too!
Batman: I hate you more.
Joker: (holding back happy tears) I hate you most.
Batman: I'll hate you forever.
Film — Live-Action
The Joker: Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
I used to fuck guys like you in prison!
— Jimmy, Road House (1989)
I see you've found my trophy room, Dalton. The only thing missing... is your ass.
— Brad Wesley, Road House (1989)
Raoul Silva: (unbuttoning Bond's shirt to reveal scars) Oh, see what she's done to you...
James Bond: Well, she never tied me to a chair.
Silva: (caressing Bond's neck) Her loss.
James Bond: Well, she never tied me to a chair.
Silva: (caressing Bond's neck) Her loss.
— Skyfall
Literature
"How dare you touch him, any of you? How dare you cast eyes on him when I had forbidden it? Back, I tell you all! This man belongs to me! Beware how you meddle with him, or you'll have to deal with me." The fair girl, with a laugh of ribald coquetry, turned to answer him. "You yourself never loved. You never love!" On this the other women joined, and such a mirthless, hard, soulless laughter rang through the room that it almost made me faint to hear. It seemed like the pleasure of fiends. Then the Count turned, after looking at my face attentively, and said in a soft whisper, "Yes, I too can love."
— Jonathan Harker's journal, 16 May, Dracula
Helen: Hate and love are not so very different things. Both are focused upon another. Both are intense. Both are passionate.
Harry: And there's not much difference between "kiss" and "kill". If you only look at the letters.
Harry: And there's not much difference between "kiss" and "kill". If you only look at the letters.
It is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred and love be not the same thing at bottom. Each, in its utmost development, supposes a high degree of intimacy and heart-knowledge; each renders one individual dependent for the food of his affections and spiritual fife upon another: each leaves the passionate lover, or the no less passionate hater, forlorn and desolate by the withdrawal of his subject.
Live-Action TV
If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's to keep your friends close, and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.
Wesley: You know that sinking feeling you sometimes get the morning after? It arrived early.
Lilah: (stretching) It's like a little death. Several, in fact.
Wesley: Get Out!
Lilah: What? No sweet kiss? No "When can I see you again?"
Wesley: (Death Glare)
Lilah: Watch the dirty looks. That's what got me going in the first place. I'll give you this; you sure know how to channel your rage, frustration, and hate. Always a bigger turn on than love.
Lilah: (stretching) It's like a little death. Several, in fact.
Wesley: Get Out!
Lilah: What? No sweet kiss? No "When can I see you again?"
Wesley: (Death Glare)
Lilah: Watch the dirty looks. That's what got me going in the first place. I'll give you this; you sure know how to channel your rage, frustration, and hate. Always a bigger turn on than love.
— Angel
Spike: You can't deny it. There's something between us.
Buffy: Loathing! Disgust!
Spike: Heat. Desire.
Buffy: Loathing! Disgust!
Spike: Heat. Desire.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Crush"
Michael: You know, I thought after serving five years in a Russian prison you would have found a new hobby.
Chechik: Oh, those five years just make me want to find you more. You get over the one that got away.
Chechik: Oh, those five years just make me want to find you more. You get over the one that got away.
— Burn Notice, "The Hunter"
I don't know whether to fuck you or fuck you up!
— Jon Stewart, The Daily Show
His prince is dreamier than mine... Is that a gay thought or a jealous thought? ...No, definitely a jealous thought.
— Inner monologue watching Christian dance for a ballet audition, Dance Academy
The Doctor: I've been alone ever since...but not anymore. Don't you see, all we've got is each other!
The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?
The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?
The Doctor: You could be so wonderful. You're a genius, you're stone-cold-brilliant, you are, I swear, you really are. But you could be so much more. You could be beautiful. With a mind like that? We could travel the stars, it would be my honour. Because you don't need to own the universe, just see it. To have the privilege of seeing the whole of time and space — that's ownership enough.
Master: Would it stop then? The noise in my head?
Doctor: I can help.
Master: ... I don't know what I'd be without that noise.
Doctor: I wonder what I'd be, without you.
Master: (smiling) Yeah.
Master: Would it stop then? The noise in my head?
Doctor: I can help.
Master: ... I don't know what I'd be without that noise.
Doctor: I wonder what I'd be, without you.
Master: (smiling) Yeah.
I'll admit in the past I've fantasized about waking up with Will's head on the pillow next to me, except now I picture it attached to the rest of his body.
— Sue Sylvester, Glee
Sinclare: Oh Max, if you really hated Kyle you couldn't have slept with him.
Khadijah: No, Max is versatile that way.
Khadijah: No, Max is versatile that way.
So go on... kiss me... kill me... Do something.
— Alice Morgan, Luther
I've often wondered what this moment would be like. Me... you tied up. It's a shame you brought the children.
— Nikola Tesla to Helen Magnus, Sanctuary
Once this is over, we should really have angry sex.
— Bella to Dean, Supernatural
Rick: Oh, so you've been going through my Y-fronts have you, Vyvyan? I suppose you fancy me, is that it?
Vyvyan: (pause) Yes! As a matter of fact I do, Rick. I really really fancy you, and I want to give you a big girly kiss on the bottom!
Rick: Urgh, Mike, Vyvyan's gone all funny! He says he wants to kiss my bottom!
Vyvyan: Oh! Did I say kiss you on the bottom? I'm very sorry, what I meant was, stick a pickaxe through your spinal column!
Vyvyan: (pause) Yes! As a matter of fact I do, Rick. I really really fancy you, and I want to give you a big girly kiss on the bottom!
Rick: Urgh, Mike, Vyvyan's gone all funny! He says he wants to kiss my bottom!
Vyvyan: Oh! Did I say kiss you on the bottom? I'm very sorry, what I meant was, stick a pickaxe through your spinal column!
Music
Who will be your pretty little enemy?
When I'm gone your world will prove empty
I promise, you will always remember me.
When I'm gone your world will prove empty
I promise, you will always remember me.
Could it be that you need me to keep you out, to run you faster
Promise me you'll let me be the one
The worst of all your enemies
Pretending you're a friend to me
Say that we'll be nemeses.
Promise me you'll let me be the one
The worst of all your enemies
Pretending you're a friend to me
Say that we'll be nemeses.
— Jonathan Coulton, "Nemeses"
I wanna hear you scream
I wanna see you bleed
I wanna wrap my hands around that pretty neck and squeeze
If I could make you cry
I swear that I could fly
If it's not clear I wish that you would
Close the door and stay with me tonight
I wanna see you bleed
I wanna wrap my hands around that pretty neck and squeeze
If I could make you cry
I swear that I could fly
If it's not clear I wish that you would
Close the door and stay with me tonight
— The Homestuck Fan Musicians, "Jack and the Black Queen"
"You and I go back
As far as I can remember
When you swore you'd take the world over
And I did think you're crazy
But also you did look hot in leather
...
How 'bout less psychosis, more romancin'?
As far as I can remember
When you swore you'd take the world over
And I did think you're crazy
But also you did look hot in leather
...
How 'bout less psychosis, more romancin'?
— Kirby Krackle, "Then Again, Maybe Not"
The magical potion of reanimation
Rise from bed my darling
So I can see you again
So I can kill you again
And I'll reassemble you again...
(Someday I'll conquer the land and have you slayed)
Blast away, blast away, don't be like Lancel0t, you are the new upgrade
(I appreciate your thoughts, but you've given me too much to tolerate!)
I've done so much for you, but you treat me this way...
Rise from bed my darling
So I can see you again
So I can kill you again
And I'll reassemble you again...
(Someday I'll conquer the land and have you slayed)
Blast away, blast away, don't be like Lancel0t, you are the new upgrade
(I appreciate your thoughts, but you've given me too much to tolerate!)
I've done so much for you, but you treat me this way...
I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride
Professional Wrestling
HE'S MINE! HE ALWAYS HAS BEEN!
— Randy Orton on Kofi Kingston, WWE Raw, December 7th 2009
Theatre
There's a strange exhiliration
In such total detestation!
In such total detestation!
— Wicked, "What Is This Feeling?"
Video Games
...Oh, hello there, Link. I see you're still among the living. Fancy meeting you here. We seem to bump into each other time and time again. Oh, it's not coincidence, though, is it? You and I, we're bound by a thread of fate.
— Ghirahim, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Visual Novels
Then I shall answer you with unforgiving hate, and unrelenting love!
— Nyarlathotep, Demonbane
"Still going to kill you, but now we can enjoy a mutual romantic subtext to the murder!"
—The Razor, Slay the Princess
Webcomics
Frohman: So lemme get this straight... you guys complain about every aspect of this game, yet you've been playing every day since 1999?
Fans: Yep - pretty much.
Fans: Yep - pretty much.
It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy.
Who's that there? You're security post? One-eye? Forget you, Vanderbeam, that's a guy I could learn to hate. I already hate him so much I'm gonna ask him to hate-marry me.
— Therin Zarde, Starslip
Web Original
Super Ninja (holding what looks like a poster of Chuck Norris): I hate you, Chuck Norris! I hate you, hate you, hate you!!
Linkara: That's why I printed off this huge picture of you! Hate you~! (Beat) Marry me.
Linkara: That's why I printed off this huge picture of you! Hate you~! (Beat) Marry me.
Nail: Hello? Can I help you with something?
Vegeta: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.
Nail: Ooh, ooh! Is this really happening? Cause I really hope it is.
Vegeta: Oh, trust me, you don’t want any of what I am right now.
Nail: Then come on, bring all four feet of you! Or should I count your stupid hair?
Vegeta: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.
Nail: Big talk coming from a bipedal bitch.
Vegeta: Oh, ho ho! Oh, I gotta admit, you are the best challenge I’ve gotten out of your people yet! Then again, all I have to compare you to are those villagers I slaughtered.
Nail: Oh, you are DEAD!
Super Kami Guru: NAIL!! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like (makes disgusting slurping noises)
Vegeta: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.
Nail: Ooh, ooh! Is this really happening? Cause I really hope it is.
Vegeta: Oh, trust me, you don’t want any of what I am right now.
Nail: Then come on, bring all four feet of you! Or should I count your stupid hair?
Vegeta: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.
Nail: Big talk coming from a bipedal bitch.
Vegeta: Oh, ho ho! Oh, I gotta admit, you are the best challenge I’ve gotten out of your people yet! Then again, all I have to compare you to are those villagers I slaughtered.
Nail: Oh, you are DEAD!
Super Kami Guru: NAIL!! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like (makes disgusting slurping noises)
Android 16: He (Krillin) wants pussy like I want Goku.
Android 17: That sounds a little gay, dude.
Android 16: It is a little gay, dude.
Android 17: That sounds a little gay, dude.
Android 16: It is a little gay, dude.
Batman: You belong in a cell.
Joker: We belong together! In fact, there's a ceremony right upstairs, waiting for us to walk down the aisle, and seal the deal!
(Batman Neck Lifts Joker)
Joker: Gkkkk... It's a compliment...
Joker: We belong together! In fact, there's a ceremony right upstairs, waiting for us to walk down the aisle, and seal the deal!
(Batman Neck Lifts Joker)
Joker: Gkkkk... It's a compliment...
Kakashi: So Naruto, you and Sasuke are bitter rivals.
Naruto: Umm, that depends, do bitter rivals like to do sex with each other?
Sakura: If their names are David Bowie and Mick Jagger they do.
Naruto: Umm, that depends, do bitter rivals like to do sex with each other?
Sakura: If their names are David Bowie and Mick Jagger they do.
Guys, not only is this monster destroying the city, he's coming onto us!
— Jason, Truncated Power Rangers
Bakura: Marik, I... I hate you. I hate you with all my heart. I hate you more than I've ever hated anybody. I hate you so much I can barely take it. In fact, I want to go on hating you for the rest of my life...
Marik: Oh, Bakura! I had no idea you felt that way about me! I-if it makes you feel any better, I hate you too. I think I hated you from the moment I first met you.
Bakura: In that case Marik, if we win this duel, let us go and make sweet hatred together. Just you and me. Hating each other. All night long.
Marik: Oh, Bakura! I had no idea you felt that way about me! I-if it makes you feel any better, I hate you too. I think I hated you from the moment I first met you.
Bakura: In that case Marik, if we win this duel, let us go and make sweet hatred together. Just you and me. Hating each other. All night long.
Kaiba: (over a videophone) Speaking of disappointment, what's up with Yugi?
Joey: Aw, he's just sad 'cause he lost a children's card game.
Kaiba: (Eye Take)
Joey: Well actually, it's more complicated than that. See, Yugi's tryin' to stop these guys from wiping out all of humanity, and in the process he managed to lose the person who means more to him than anyone else.
Kaiba: (clenches teeth)
Joey: So he's kind of going through a lot of emotional trauma-
Kaiba: (slams his hands on his desk) YUGI LOST A CARD GAAAAAAAAAAME?! I thought we had something special, Yugi! What, is our rivalry just one big joke to you?! I committed to beating you in a card game, and I thought I could rely on you to be true to me as your most hated enemy! But I guess I was wrong!
Yami: Kaiba, it's Not What It Looks Like...
Kaiba: I bet you say that to all the duelists! If I had had parents, they would've said you were no good for me! And one last thing! All those times I got angry and declared that I'd have my vengeance on you?! I WAS FAKING! (dramatically slams phone down in disgust)
Joey: Aw, he's just sad 'cause he lost a children's card game.
Kaiba: (Eye Take)
Joey: Well actually, it's more complicated than that. See, Yugi's tryin' to stop these guys from wiping out all of humanity, and in the process he managed to lose the person who means more to him than anyone else.
Kaiba: (clenches teeth)
Joey: So he's kind of going through a lot of emotional trauma-
Kaiba: (slams his hands on his desk) YUGI LOST A CARD GAAAAAAAAAAME?! I thought we had something special, Yugi! What, is our rivalry just one big joke to you?! I committed to beating you in a card game, and I thought I could rely on you to be true to me as your most hated enemy! But I guess I was wrong!
Yami: Kaiba, it's Not What It Looks Like...
Kaiba: I bet you say that to all the duelists! If I had had parents, they would've said you were no good for me! And one last thing! All those times I got angry and declared that I'd have my vengeance on you?! I WAS FAKING! (dramatically slams phone down in disgust)
Narrator: [reading a submitted question] Messi: Who's your best friend, Neymar or Suarez?
Lionel Messi: Um....
[the doors on each side of the room open, with Neymar and Luis Suarez emerging from each]
Neymar and Luis Suarez: No pressure, Lionel!
Lionel Messi: Um....
Luis Suarez: Oh, come on! We all know it's me, not the PSG Judas!
Neymar: He said best friend, not ugliest!
Lionel Messi: It's neither of you! [the lie detector Messi is hooked up to registers a "truth"]
Neymar and Luis Suarez: What?!
Luis Suarez: Then who the hell is it?
Neymar: It better not be Antoine Lady-mann!
Lionel Messi: It's... Cristiano Ronaldo!
[both Neymar and Suarez begin laughing, before the lie detector rings up "truth"]
Neymar and Luis Suarez: [both gasping] WHAT?!
Lionel Messi: It's true!
Luis Suarez: But I thought you both hated each other!
Lionel Messi: It's all a lie. [the lie detector rings up another "truth"]
Neymar: I have so many questions...
Lionel Messi: We created a fake rivalry to make more money, OK? [another ring] Cristiano really is a great guy. [another ring] He's kind, caring, funny...and he has the softest skin. [another ring]
Luis Suarez: [while plugging his ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...
Lionel Messi: I think... I love him. [right as the lie detector rings again, Neymar runs up and destroys it]
Lionel Messi: Um....
[the doors on each side of the room open, with Neymar and Luis Suarez emerging from each]
Neymar and Luis Suarez: No pressure, Lionel!
Lionel Messi: Um....
Luis Suarez: Oh, come on! We all know it's me, not the PSG Judas!
Neymar: He said best friend, not ugliest!
Lionel Messi: It's neither of you! [the lie detector Messi is hooked up to registers a "truth"]
Neymar and Luis Suarez: What?!
Luis Suarez: Then who the hell is it?
Neymar: It better not be Antoine Lady-mann!
Lionel Messi: It's... Cristiano Ronaldo!
[both Neymar and Suarez begin laughing, before the lie detector rings up "truth"]
Neymar and Luis Suarez: [both gasping] WHAT?!
Lionel Messi: It's true!
Luis Suarez: But I thought you both hated each other!
Lionel Messi: It's all a lie. [the lie detector rings up another "truth"]
Neymar: I have so many questions...
Lionel Messi: We created a fake rivalry to make more money, OK? [another ring] Cristiano really is a great guy. [another ring] He's kind, caring, funny...and he has the softest skin. [another ring]
Luis Suarez: [while plugging his ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...
Lionel Messi: I think... I love him. [right as the lie detector rings again, Neymar runs up and destroys it]
— 442oons, "Football Lie Detector!"
He's my archnemesis! I wear his picture in this locket around my neck as proof of my hatred for him!
— Edvard Lumiere, regarding Amadeus Astor, Oxventure Presents: Blades in the Dark
Western Animation
Heatwave: Flash was creative. He'd have run circles around us, spinning away our oxygen.
Weather Wizard: Ha! All you do is punch and kick like a child throwing a tantrum!
Captain Cold: The old Scarlet Speedster would vibrate his molecules right outta that bronze.
Weather Wizard: With a smile and an "Aw, shucks" that just made you wanna... rip him to shreds, you know?
(All sigh)
[...]
Heatwave: Is that-?
Captain Cold: He's back!
Weather Wizard: (wipes away tears) I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
Weather Wizard: Ha! All you do is punch and kick like a child throwing a tantrum!
Captain Cold: The old Scarlet Speedster would vibrate his molecules right outta that bronze.
Weather Wizard: With a smile and an "Aw, shucks" that just made you wanna... rip him to shreds, you know?
(All sigh)
[...]
Heatwave: Is that-?
Captain Cold: He's back!
Weather Wizard: (wipes away tears) I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
— Batman: The Brave and the Bold, "Requiem for a Scarlet Speedster!"
Oh my god! I have a nemesis! And what a kiss!
— Annie Harris, Duncanville
Jim: I thought we were rid of you, you nefarious yet... strangely handsome... fiend!
Evil Jim: AHAHAHAHA! You can never escape me! We are as inseparable as cup and saucer, shoe and sock, top and bottom bread slices in a sandwich!
Jim: Uh, what's the meat in that sandwich?
Evil Jim: The "meat" is... YOUR DOOM!
Evil Jim: AHAHAHAHA! You can never escape me! We are as inseparable as cup and saucer, shoe and sock, top and bottom bread slices in a sandwich!
Jim: Uh, what's the meat in that sandwich?
Evil Jim: The "meat" is... YOUR DOOM!
— Earthworm Jim, "The Anti-Fish"
The Dib? The Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he is evil!
— Zim, Invader ZIM
Mask, your powers are bizarre, unpredictable and beyond the realms of science... and if you were a woman, I would marry you.
— Pretorius, The Mask
We met at an evil genius expo in Seattle, and, well, me and Peter, we just instantly disliked each other. And then he foiled a little evil scheme of mine, and I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. [...] It's not that I don't hate you anymore, I do. But look, I- I just think it's time for us to, you know, take a break and start fighting other people.
— Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
Without your schemes my life, it seems, is empty
I spent all my time keeping you from doing wrong
You were my only nemesis
I'd foil your plans, but still I miss
The moments when we didn't get along
I fell for you the moment that you pushed me
You captured me and held me for so long
But now you're doing battle with a panda from Seattle
I miss the moments when we didn't get along
So search your heart, please, Doctor D
And I am sure that you will see
That you were always meant to be
My only lifelong enemy
You gave my life heroic cause
Back when my only mission was
The moments when we didn't get along
I spent all my time keeping you from doing wrong
You were my only nemesis
I'd foil your plans, but still I miss
The moments when we didn't get along
I fell for you the moment that you pushed me
You captured me and held me for so long
But now you're doing battle with a panda from Seattle
I miss the moments when we didn't get along
So search your heart, please, Doctor D
And I am sure that you will see
That you were always meant to be
My only lifelong enemy
You gave my life heroic cause
Back when my only mission was
The moments when we didn't get along
Dr. Orpheus: Oh, it must be dreamy to have a costumed nemesis. Chasing you... wringing his gloved hands in concern of your every move...
Dr. Venture: You're kidding, right?
Dr. Orpheus: It just seems so romantic.
Dr. Venture: You're kidding, right?
Dr. Orpheus: It just seems so romantic.
— The Venture Brothers, "Tag Sale - You're It!"
But being a magic superhero that keeps chasing the same guy? It’s completely gay. And this is coming from a guy who voluntarily has sex with other men!
— The Alchemist, The Venture Brothers
The President: You want a war?! I'll put your outer-space ass in a goddamn Phantom Zone with a bar of kryptonite soap around your neck. You're done, Sanchez! You hear me?
Rick: Oof. He's really pissed this time.
Summer: Why don't you guys just fuck and get it over with?
[...]
Vice President: Jesus ever-loving Christ, why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?
Rick: Oof. He's really pissed this time.
Summer: Why don't you guys just fuck and get it over with?
[...]
Vice President: Jesus ever-loving Christ, why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?
— Rick and Morty, "Rick and Morty's Thanksploitation Spectacular"
Real Life
It is a little bit of a mini-tragedy that [Xavier] and Magneto don't, you know, have sex and become married and become best friends.
— James McAvoy shares his thoughts on Charles / Erik
shares his thoughts on Charles / Erik