Ambiguous Gender: More common in Judaism, but present in other views. The reasoning being, why would a perfect being (who simply "is" according to the quote above) have a mortal gender identity?
Catch Phrase: "I am The Lord God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." Later He added "I am The Lord who took Israel out of bondage in Egypt". Doubles as Badass Boast.
of course, but given how much He is angered at the worship of other gods as well as some weird one time passages/verses suggest He may not be the only one. Needless to say....
Our God Is Different: Jews, Christians, and Muslims have three different ideas. Long story short, Jews believe in one God who favors them above all others; Christians believe in one God who is also three (except the extinct Arian sect) but does not favor any particular ethnic group; and Muslims believe in one God who plays no ethnic favorites.
And God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creep upon the earth."
Beauty Equals Goodness: Many biblical scholars argue that Adam was the most handsome man and Eve the most beautiful woman, being directly created by God.
Sadly Mythtaken: The Bible does not call the fruit an apple. The portrayal of said fruit as an apple is a Stealth Pun on the Latin word malus.
Swiss Messenger: Picture the most beautiful person of the preferred gender you know of. Thanks to them, you're not hanging out naked with him or her in the Garden.
Sentient Talking Snake, (Satan according to some traditions); sometimes named Nahash
Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field.
Brother Chuck: Despite causing the following: Mankind receiving knowledge of good and evil, Adam and Eve getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden and being cursed, the existence of death, the existence of the entire human race, and the first evil act ever, the snake absolutely disappears off of the face of the earth after the whole "Eden" incident. It is possible that he is Satan, but The Bible is not explicit about this.
Our Dragons Are Different: One interpretation. Before being made to crawl upon his belly he must have had legs. What would you call a walking, talking serpent with(at least) human level intelligence?
Red Right Hand: God gave him a mark to protect him from harm, specifically anyone who might seek vengeance upon him for Abel's death. Exactly what kind of mark is not canonically specified, and interpretations vary.
The Resenter: Bible commentators indicate that Cain was this due to his parents having been driven out of the garden of Eden.
Walking the Earth: After Cain murdered his bother, he became a wanderer until he settled in the Land of Nod.
Abel
"Why are you angry? Why that scowl on your face? If you had done the right thing, you would be smiling." *)
Breakout Character: There's a non-canonical book about him. It influenced the Book of Revelation, the Divine Comedy, and a lot of Christian notions about heaven and hell.
Chekhov's Gunman: The nation he built, Babylon, would become a Middle Eastern power.
One-Scene Wonder: Amazingly popular in folklore (the Tower of Babel was apparently built on his orders and he tried to have Abraham killed) and pop culture (shares the name as a villain from The X-Men).
You Keep Using That Word: His name was, for a long time, synonymous with "hunter". Now, thanks to Warner Bros. cartoons, it's used to mean someone obsessed with something.
Noah
There went in two and two unto Noah into the Ark, the male and the female.
Heel Face Revolving Door: Israel's history with God is basically a sine wave of loyalty and disloyalty, usually depending on the men leading them at the moment.
I Gave My Word : The word "testament" implies "treaty of vassalship". In other words Israel is a sub-kingdom that accepted God as their Feudal Overlord.
Too Dumb to Live: The ease with which they are led astray from God is mind-boggling, particularly given that they can usually remember seeing one of His miracles in person, or hearing about such from a close relative whenever it happens. Golden Calf incident, we're looking at you.
Tough Love: Receives a lot of this, to say the least.
Zen Survivor: Despite slavery in Egypt; being conquered by the Babylonians, Persians, Greeks, and Romans; persecution by Christians for not accepting Jesus; and persecution by Nazis for being supposedly genetically inferior, they keep on keeping on.
Abraham
"I will bless those who bless you. But I will curse those who curse you. And through you I will bless all nations."
Angel Unaware: Is rewarded for entertaining three of these...with a long-awaited son in his old age
Freud Was Right: God demands he circumcise himself and those of his house, then demands he sacrifice his son. God changes His mind at the end.
Idiot Ball: Locked his wife Sarah in a box while passing through Egypt, for fear that she would be taken by the Egyptians on account of her beauty. He didn't stop to think that maybe, just maybe the box would have to pass through Customs.
The Mourning After: Averted. After Sarah dies, he marries another (much younger) woman named Keturah. (Who some believe is his concubine Hagar, by another name.)
Pals With God: Is literally called a "friend of God."
The Genesis account indicates that Abraham actually pleaded with God for Ishmael to receive some sort of blessing from God as well. Isaac was really The Chosen OneBecause Destiny Says So.
Sacred Hospitality: God is debating whether to destroy the city of Sodom. Abraham bargains God down to letting the city survive if there are ten good men. God's messengers go to Sodom, and they meet Lot and his family. The Sodomites want to rape them. Lot's even willing to let them rape his daughters rather than these men. The city is destroyed.
Sarah
Angel Unaware: Entertains three of these, and is rewarded with a long-awaited son
Law of Inverse Fertility: Her maidservant Hagar gets pregnant by Abraham by sleeping with him once; Sarah has always been infertile (which is why she gave Hagar to Abraham in the first place as per the Code of Hammurabi.)
Rich Bitch: When her jealousy gets the better of her (see above) she abuses her pregnant servant.*
Granted, said servant got high-and-mighty and forgot her place (or perhaps her relationship to Abraham), but it got so bad that Hagar tried to run away. The only reason she came back was because an angel told her to.
Also, she sends Ishmael (legally her son) out into the desert, not giving a rip what happens to him because she favors her biological son Isaac.
"Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of."
Brick Joke: His name means "To laugh" because that's what his mother Sarah did when an angel told her she will be pregnant in her old age.
Human Sacrifice: Narrowly averted. God ordered Abraham to sacrifice his son, but stopped him in the last minute. Turns out it was a Secret Test of Character.
Out of Focus: Of the four patriarchs, he's by far the least focused on.
Parental Favoritism: Abraham preferred him over his older brother, Ishmael. Granted, that was because God basically told him to. He in turn preferred Esau to Jacob
Sacred Hospitality: Offers Abraham's messenger a place to stay, plus water for himself and all his camels.
Esau
And he sold his birthright unto Jacob.
Cain and Abel: The trope might just as well have been called Jacob and Esau. Esau sells his birthright to Jacob for some porridge, Jacob tricks Isaac into giving him Esau's blessing, Esau tries to kill Jacob, Jacob runs away and comes back with gifts for Esau. End result: Esau repents, makes up with Jacob, and accepts gifts from Jacob. The thing is, it's kind of hard to tell who is Abel and who is Cain in this scenario.
Carpet of Virility: Esau was such a hairy man that when Jacob tricked Isaac (who had gone blind in his old age) into thinking he was Esau, he wore a goat skin to simulate Esau's hairiness.
Self-Made Man: He is not The Chosen One, but after the Time Skip, he already has a lot of wealth and status to his name (almost as much as Jacob)
Jacob/Israel
Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man.
Badass: He fought God Himself and almost won, but God cheated by breaking his hip, after fighting him all day and all night. Jacob gained the nickname "Yisrael" which means "Struggles with God," or, the more popular translation, "Israel" means "Let God prevail" meaning he struggles with God and lets Him win.
Never made clear who the stranger he wrestles with is. Some accounts say God himself, others an angel of God. Badass either way.
Manipulative Bastard: Jacob's name means deceiver, and he is often shown using tricks to get his way. He even, at his mother's request, tricked his father into giving him the better inheritance.
Parental Favoritism: Jacob was Rebecca's favorite, and later Jacob preferred his (second) youngest son, Joseph. Notice a pattern here?
Rape and Revenge: His sons, led by Simeon and Levi, brutally avenging their sister Dinah's rape.
Groin Attack: A particularly nasty variant by said sons: convince the rapist and his people to get circumcised, then slaughter them all while they're still in pain.
Tenchi Solution: With the sisters (and his cousins) Leah and Rachel. It wasn't his idea, though; he wanted Rachel but was stuck with Leah after the Bride and Switch. Like most other accounts of polygamy in the Bible, it ends badly, here in the form of an ugly Sibling Rivalry.
Youngest Child Wins: According to later books in The Bible he nation who will produce the savior of mankind will bear his name while Esau's will vanish from the earth.
Rachel
Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful
Beauty Equals Goodness: She is described as more beautiful than her sister, who turns out to be, if not evil, then certainly angry and bitter.
Manipulative Bastard: Not only did he trick his son-in-law into marrying both of his daughters, but he went out of his way to keep Jacob working for him.
Pure Is Not Good / Light is Not Good: His name means "White" so he is apparently without blemish or fault, yet he is a scheming bastard who used his own daughters to his advantage.
Stealth Pun: Keeps culling the sheep without speckles or spots from Jacob's herds, before Jacob turns the tables on him with primitive methods of breeding.
Joseph, son of Jacob
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colors.
Beauty Equals Goodness: "Joseph was handsome in form and appearance." Additionally, according to Muslim tradition, "One half of all the beauty God apportioned for mankind went to Joseph; the other one half went to the rest of mankind."
Chaste Hero: Resisted the advances of his master Potiphar's wife.
Hypercompetent Sidekick: To Potiphar, his warden in prison, and eventually to Pharaoh; to the point that Potiphar and the warden felt they didn't need to supervise him, and Potiphar even lost track of all his affairs because Joseph took care of them all.
Parental Favoritism: Was the favorite son of Jacob, being the first child of his favorite wife.
Rags to Riches: Eventually became second to pharaoh in power, sometimes described as being a prince. (Not the same pharaoh that enslaved the Israelites.)
Requisite Royal Regalia: A small-scale version; the fancy robe Jacob gave him is believed to traditionally signify a father's choice of successor as head of the family. And of course, he got the real deal when Pharaoh made him second-in-command of all Egypt.
Tamar (daughter-in-law of Judah)
Cartwright Curse: She married Judah's first son, who died. Then she married Judah's second son, who practiced coitus interruptus and was killed by God as punishment.
Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Briefly. She impersonates a hooker as part of a ploy to get her stingy father-in-law to do as he'd agreed and provide her with a new husband.
Youngest Child Wins: Her younger son took his brother's place as first-born as they were being born.
One Steve Limit: Averted, there are other Pharaohs mentioned. In fact, it's likely that Joseph served under multiple Pharaohs.
Reasonable Authority Figure: He was willing to accommodate Joseph's relatives in Goshen, a particularly fertile area of Egypt where they would be able to graze their flocks (and also where they would be separate from the Egyptian populace, as Egyptians tended to look down on shepherds).
Moses
"Let my people go!"
Back from the Dead: While this would normally not apply to someone for whom they Never Found the Body, he shows up again over 1000 years later in the New Testament as a spirit.
Maligned Mixed Marriage: Given the area she came from, Its very likely that one of his wives was black. In any case, Miriam and Aaron where not happy about him marrying her, and spoke against him until God got angry at them and rebuked them.
Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: When the Israelites were complaining about a lack of water, God told Moses to speak to a stone to get a spring to appear, but Moses smacked it with his staff instead. As punishment for not following God's directions exactly, he was not allowed to enter the promised land. (While he was alive, see Brick Joke on YMMV tab.)
The Obi-Wan: Recognized as the greatest prophet in Judaism, and invoked in many major prayers.
Unstoppable Rage: Got quite angry when he came back to find some of the Israelites worshiping a golden calf. Understandable. The text ambiguously implies they were having a orgy.
Unaccustomed As I Am To Public Speaking: He had a speech impediment, so his brother Aaron did the talking for him. This is subverted in Deuteronomy which shows how much he's changed. The whole book is Moses' eloquent last instructions to Israel before his death.
Aaron
Reasonable Authority Figure: Often portrayed as a nicer person than his brother, especially in the Talmud, where he micromanages Israelite home life. His death is also given a lot more solemnity than Moses'.
Too Dumb to Live: After he had seen irrefutable evidence of God, he breaks one of the first commands He gave him: not to make any idols. Granted, he was being pressured, but it's still kinda stupid.
Miriam
And Miriam the prophetess, Aarons sister, proceeded to take a tambourine in her hand; and all the women began going out with her with tambourines and in dances.
Jerkass: Temporarily; She didn't like Moses's new wife and roped Aaron into helping her speak out against her. God didn't like that very much.
Sick Episode: Punishment for her insolence; she got better.
Pharaoh (Exodus)
Then the LORD said to Moses, "Now you will see what I will do to Pharaoh: Because of my mighty hand he will let them go; because of my mighty hand he will drive them out of his country."
Ignored Epiphany: He admitted that "this time I have sinned", that his people were wrong and God is right, told Moses that he could go, then, right after Pharaoh saw that the hail and rain were gone and everything was fine and dandy again, Pharaoh "hardened" his own heart and refused to let the Israelites go.
Infant Immortality: Averted. He sent men to kill the Israelites kids. His own son died later.
Infanticide Backfire: One of the infants they tried to kill survived, and this ultimately resulted in the Israelites being freed and the death of Pharaoh.
Orders the first born sons of the Israelites to be thrown into the Nile river.
He himself dies when the water of the red sea rushes back into place.
It is doubtful that he was there (and he certainly wasn't if he was Ramses).
Laser-Guided Karma: Send men to drown the infants of the people you enslaved? Your own people's children will die, including your own son, and your armies (possibly including you) will drown.
Nay Theist: He acknowledged the existence of God. He even went so far as to admits that he sinned, but he still refused to do what God said and let His people go.
Nice Job Breaking It, Herod: Attempted unsuccessfully to kill the prophesied savior by killing all male hebrew babies. Ended unknowingly raising the child himself.
One Steve Limit: Averted, as there are other Pharaohs mentioned.
Rage Against the Heavens: He fought against God by refusing to let His people go, even after he saw proof that He exists.
Pride: His refusal to humble himself before God cost him quite dearly, any way you slice it.
Joshua
And Israel served the Lord throughout Joshua's lifetime.
"Blind Idiot" Translation: The translation directed by King James the 1st of England confuses him with Jesus at a few points. Helps that their Name's The Same, albeit under different naming conventions.
Cue the Sun: "And that day was unlike any other before or since, when God listened to a man" - Joshua 10:14
Curse: He foretold that whoever rebuilds Jericho will lose both his sons in the process and this came true during the time of Ahab.
More Deadly Than The Male: Tricks Sisera into trusting her, lulls him to sleep with warm milk, and then brutally drives a tent stake through his temples.
Better to Die than Be Killed: Tried to get his armor bearer to stab him so no one would know he was fatally wounded by a woman who dropped a rock on him.
Evil Prince: Fancied himself as Israel's first king, although God says otherwise.
Bond One-Liner: Upon killing one thousand men with a Donkey's jawbone, he made a pun on the fact that "donkey" and "heap" are homophones in Hebrew. Methods of translating this wordplay vary.
Cherry Tapping: 1,000 kill count.....with a jawbone of an donkey.
Fake Weakness: He made up several of these to tell Delilah, after she asked the secret of his strength. Somehow he never figured out why, whenever he told her one, some Philistines would always try to use it on him...
Humiliation Conga: When the Philistines captured him, they blinded him, imprisoned him, and put him work grinding grain. They then brought him out to mock him, and have him perform for them. He gets the last laugh, though.
Messianic Archetype: The subversion of the type. His birth is announced by an angel and raised a Nazirite (puritan Hebrew) yet broke its traditions simply because he was the Chosen One, his battles are more like the antics of a super powered college prankster and his motivation to finally beat the Philistines was personal revenge.
Ready for Lovemaking: After Boaz had fallen asleep on a grain heap, Ruth uncovered his feet, lied down, and waited for him to wake up with cold feet. This being ancient Israel though, consummation did have to wait until after the wedding.
Curse: Through the wickedness of his sons, Eli lost favor with God and it was prophesied that all men in his family will be ruined. The priests of Nob, most were his relatives, were killed by Saul and his youngest son Abiathar, David's high priest, was exiled by Solomon for supporting a rival to the throne.
Death By Falling Over: After hearing of his sons' death, he fell from his chair and broke his neck. To be fair, he was already very old.
Samuel
The Lord called Samuel: and he answered, "Here am I".
"The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gives one to Saul after the latter only partially obeys the divine command to utterly wipe out the Amalekites (which included their finest animals, which Saul spared).
Fasts and prays following God's judgment on him for his adultery and subsequent Uriah Gambit to cover it up; as a result, his life and kingdom are spared but he and Bathsheba lose their first, newborn child and the rest of David's family life is extremely troubled.
Also many passages within the Psalms attributed to him are quite repentant.
Badass Israeli: The original. Note: The "Star of David" is the frame of his shield.
Break the Cutie: In his last days, he is described as "no longer feeling warmth". A stark contrast to the happy well-adjusted shepherd boy he once was.
Curb-Stomp Battle: Brought a gun to a swordfight (metaphorically), then cut Goliath's head off with Goliath's own sword.
What he suffers when told that Jonathan and Saul kicked it. Self-inflicted Clothing Damage included.
He gets another one after the death of Abasalom followed by a What The Hell Hero Speech from one of his generals for mourning his enemy and hating the men who fought for him.
Intimate Healing: When David was old, he could not get warm, so they got a young girl (possibly one of his wives) to care for him, which included snuggling up besides him. Oddly, their relationship was not sexual.
My God, What Have I Done?: Very narrowly averted; The only thing that stopped David from wiping out Nabal's entire house when he insulted him was quick thinking on Abigail's part. David snaps out of it and thanks God that he was prevented from having such blood guilt on his hands.
Obfuscating Insanity: Did this while in exile before he was crowned king, when the King of Gath (Goliath's hometown) recognized him as an anti-Philistine guerrilla warrior.
Polyamory: Michal and Bathsheba were just the start; he had eight total plus concubines.
The Purge: Killed all the men in Saul's family (except Jonathan's son) eligible for succession and even forced Saul's daughter Michal to marry him again to force an alliance with the former royal family. His last wishes (textually, if not chronologically) were for Solomon were to kill Joab and Shimei, steward of the house of Saul.
Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: 1 Samuel, 17:46. "This day the Lord will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you...!".
Pretty Boy: "And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him; for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and withal of a fair countenance."
Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: His "Mighty Men" who were mercenaries and outlaws who joined him during his years as a fugitive.
Rightful King Returns: Part of the conditions for the Jewish Messiah is being of his bloodline. Given David is estimated to have lived 3000 years ago, had something like 18 wives and concubines, and one of his sons had somewhere around 1000, that's a good chunk of the population, or no-one at all.
She Is Not My Girlfriend: David had a young girl as a ward in his old age who everyone thought was a concubine. One of his sons even asked to marry her, perhaps to subtly lay a claim to the throne. David always denied any claims of her being more than his nurse of sorts.
Suffer The Slings: Goliath found out the hard way just how deadly they can be.
Warrior Poet: Quite literally. Kicks ass, writes poems, dances with his people. He's even got a nickname, "The Sweet Psalmist of Israel"
What the Hell, Hero?: After the above incident with Uriah, Nathan explicitly call him on this. He repents, but it's too late, at least for his first child with Bathsheba.
When Abigail caught sight of David, she at once hastened and got down off the ass and fell upon her face before David and bowed to the earth. She then fell at his feet and said: Upon me myself, O my lord, be the error; and, please, let your slave girl speak in your ears"
Shaming The Mob: After her husband Nabal insulted David, David led a couple hundred men back to him, intending to wipe out his entire household. Abigail placates him with gifts of food and a heartfelt speech.
Too Dumb to Live: Yes, Nabal, insult the man who went out of his way to protect your flocks and shepherds and only wants a bite of food in return, and who's got armed men accompanying him. That'll win you his respect.
Getting Crap Past the Radar: Wrote the Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon), a steamy love poem(!) that got canonized as holy scripture(!!) The Radar has responded by saying it's a metaphor of self-sacrificing love between God and his people. Suuuuuuuure.
The Purge: Appointed as the next king and secured it by killing all his rivals including his brother and David's general Joab.
The Smart Guy: There was a reason why he was consulted for miles around for answers to problems.
Take a Third Option: Two woman came up to him with a baby, one of the woman had accidentally smothered her own child in her sleep, and swapped it with the other woman's baby. Now both claim to be the mother of the surviving child. How does Solomon decide which woman should get the baby? He orders it to be split in half, with each woman getting one half. One woman, bizarrely, is perfectly okay with this, the other begs him to give the baby to the other woman. He gives it to the woman who actually cared about the baby. It was his plan all along, he never intended to actually cut the baby in two.
Youngest Child Wins: Youngest of 7, but the first son of his father's favorite wife.
The Queen of Sheba
Did They or Didn't They?: Debate rages to this day as to whether or not she was ever intimately involved with Solomon during her visit
Rules Lawyer: As David Plotz points out, he accused God of wrongdoing, but didn't technically curse Him, as Satan had wanted.
Smite Me, O Mighty Smiter: The Satan tried to invoke this reaction, and his own wife suggested it so he could be put out of his misery. It didn't work.
Trauma Conga Line - Ur Example: Servants rush in to inform him of the latest tragedy to plague his estate even while previous servants are still informing him of the one before it.
With Friends Like These: Job's visitors keep insisting that he must have done something to deserve all his suffering, and turn on him when he denies it. In the end, God is far angrier with them than with Job, but pardons them when Job, despite everything, brings an offering on their behalf.
Klingon Promotion: Became King by assassination. His "reign" lasted a week. Before Judas, Zimri was the byword for traitor. Jezebel called Jehu a "Zimri".
Ahab
"I will purge the house of Ahab like I had done to the houses of Jeroboam and Baasha. Anyone who dies in the city will be eaten by dogs and anyone who dies in the country will be eaten by birds!"
Corner of Woe: After Naboth refused to sell his vineyard to Ahab, Ahab proceeded to curl up on his couch, refuse to eat, and go into a truly royal sulk.
Curse: Elijah fortold that Jezebel would be eaten by dogs when she died. He was right, and it gets described in gory detail.
Disney Villain Death: At least the thrown out of the tower bit. What comes after, on the other hand....
Face Death with Dignity: She knew that she wasn't going to survive her confrontation with Jehu, so she just put on her best clothes and got ready for whatever it'd come.
Flanderization: Over the years her defining feature has become a sexual, seductive nature, when in reality she was an influential and powerful, if evil, Queen.
Name's the Same: she is confused with a pagan cult leader mentioned in Revelations.
Angel Unaware: Jewish tradition has him taking up this role. Elijah was human back in Biblical days, but he never died and, according to legend, ascended to heaven while still alive. To this day, it is believed he turns up on Earth sometimes to deliver unexpected help.
Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: He went to heaven in a fiery whirlwind, rather than die. When he ascended, his robes/coat fell onto his apprentice/friend/padawan Elisha, thus inventing the phrase "Taking up The Mantle of The Prophet". Many still leave a seat open for him at feasts, because they believe that he will come back. In fact, the last verse of the Old Testament refers to Elijah coming back to announce the Day of the Lord.
Badass Longcoat: The Coat, or Mantle of The Prophet. It was instrumental in Elijah and Elisha's first meeting, Elijah threw The Coat at Elisha, who instinctively caught it. Later, Elijah parted a river with with it, just before giving it to Elisha, who also used it perform miracles.
Friend to All Living Things: When he was hungry ravens would bring food to him. Despite his skill in killing people he was very good with animals and kids. It might have something to do with how he grew up in the wilderness.
He thought that he was the last surviving prophet and the last faithful person left for a while. God told him that he was not alone and, even if he is the last prophet, he can always train some more prophets, like Elisha.
He and Elisha were also the last major Old Testament characters to work miracles. (Though many characters in the New Testament worked miracles.)
The Obi-Wan: To Elisha, his successor. Another interpretation is that Elijah was the Kamina to Elisha's Simon. Everyone remembers how awesome Elijah was, but Elisha was way more awesome.
You Are Not Alone: God showed up, not in a maelstrom of fire, not in a howling wind/hurrricane, but in a still, small voice to tell Elijah this.
Elisha
The spirit of Elijah doth rest on Elisha.
Arc Words: His last words to Elijah, "My father, my father, the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof.", were spoken to him also as he lay dying. No one knows what it means even now.
Badass Longcoat: Given to him by Elijah, later used to part the sea, proving himself the true prophet, thus inventing the phrase "Taking up the mantle of the prophet".
Bald of Awesome: Never, under any circumstances, insult him for it. Ever. Forty-two youths learned this the hard way.
Berserk Button: Never insult his mentor and NEVER mock his baldness in front of him.
Dub Induced Plothole: A nice prophet guy summoning bears to maul what King James and co. translate as "children" makes a lot more sense when you look at the actual Hebrew word and see what it means and how it was used. He was being mocked by a gang of 42 young men, which could have been a threat, especially if they were soldiers.
Nice Guy: Surprisingly so, especially when compared to his mentor, Elijah. While most of Elijah's miracles were powerful, violent, and fiery, Elisha's miracles were mostly to heal, save, or help people. Elijah showed thousands of people the power of God, while Elisha preached to individuals, and showed God's helpful, loving side. Just don't insult Elijah, or mock his Bald of Awesome. However, Elisha was not good with kids, nor was he as good with animals as Elijah. Maybe it was because he was a city kid?
Think Nothing of it: he refused to take a material reward for curing Naaman of leprosy; however, his friend Gehazi, gladly took Naaman's stuff, and for that he got leprosy himself.
Jehu, king of Israel
Drives Like Crazy: His master the king recognized him (2 Kings 9:20) because he drives his chariot "like a madman".
The Purge: Killed Jezebel and all Baal priests as well as Ahab's relatives.
Well-Intentioned Extremist: Appointed by God to eradicate pagan worship in Israel but his penchant for mass murder went far beyond what was expected of him.
Heroic BSOD: He found a "Book of the Law" (possibly Deuteronomy) and ripped his clothes and mourned because he realized how far his nation had forgotten its roots.
Tragic Mistake: Going to war with Egypt. He was killed in battle and Judah just couldn't recover.
Jeremiah
"Before you were formed I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart"
"Go and get married; your wife will be unfaithful, and your children will be just like her. In the same way my people have left me and became unfaithful".
Arranged Marriage: God told him to marry an unfaithful harlot as an object lesson to Israel's idolatry.
Refusal of The Call: More like he didn't want to preach in the Assyrian capital which would have got him killed.
Calling The Hero Out: God did this after Jonah became upset after the people repented:
But the LORD said, You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their leftand much livestock?
Amos
"Let justice flow like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!"
"Though your sins are as scarlet, you shall be as white as snow".
Dreaming of Things to Come: He saw 2 centuries into Israel's future. Some scholars believe these were written by other prophets and attributed them to Isaiah to increase it's authority.
Micah
"Nations will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks and they will war no more". *)
They are a hard and obstinate people so I will make you as hard and obstinate as they".
Celebrity Is Overrated: People finally listened to him when Jerusalem fell but it was clear to him that they have still not taken God's words to heart.
Bunny-Ears Lawyer: At one point, he makes a model of Jerusalem and besieges it in the city square for about fourteen months. Another time, he shaves his head and beard with a sword, then runs about town with a portion of the hair hitting it with the sword.
Good Shepherd: He cultivated the image of God as a shepherd better than anyone.
Daniel
O Daniel, a man greatly beloved.
Badass Bookworm: A total genius (he was one of the top students at the royal academy) who interpreted the king's dreams and didn't flinch a bit when thrown into a cave of hungry lions. 99% of people would shit their pants even if they did know God will protect them).
Trope Namer: In the lions' den. Yes, this book has coined a lot of idioms.
Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majestys hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.
"Facing the Bullets" One-Liner: When they refuse to bow down to Nebuchadnezzar's golden idol, their response is "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Heroic Sacrifice: Subverted. As punishment for refusing to bow down to the king's idol, these three guys get thrown into a furnace. The subversion happens when God protects them within the fire and they emerge from the furnace completely unharmed.
Meaningful Rename: They were given new names by the Babylonian government. Their Hebrew names, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were all meant to glorify God; their new names were meant to glorify Babylonian deities. The name change was supposed to help indoctrinate them in the Babylonian religion. It didn't work.
Self-Made Man: Manages to be quite successful even with a lack of miracles backing her up. Often used to drive home the point "God only helps when needed"
World's Most Beautiful Woman: She was chosen as queen because she was regarded as the most beautiful woman in the Persian Empire. (Which did, in fact, stretch across much of the known world at that time.)
Back from the Dead: "But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him."
Cloudcuckoolander: When asked if an adulterer should be stoned, Jesus wrote or drew something in the dirt with his finger instead of answering, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Cruel and Unusual Death: Crucifixion was actually a standard public execution method in ancient Rome, but it was most definitely cruel. Certain aspects of his death were made to be crueler than usual, like the Crown of Thorns.
Deadpan Snarker: If you happened to be Pharisees or Sadducee.
Healing Hands: He healed a lot of people, usually by laying hands on them.
Heroic Sacrifice / Someone Has to Die: Jesus had to die and suffer punishment for mankind's sins, in order to make it possible for people to be saved and not have to suffer punishment for their own sins.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Despite forcibly kicking shady merchants out of the temple on more than one occasion, this is mostly averted. In fact, the people turned against Him becasue He wasn't this; they expected their Messiah to lead a revolt against Rome.
Law of Chromatic Superiority: In many Bibles, His words are written in red. Also, He is often portrayed wearing purple robes, purple being a color long associated with royalty in the West.
Lineage Comes From The Father: Subverted. Jesus is both the legal and biological heir of David; Legally through Joseph, but it turns out that the geneology in Luke is actually Mary's, tracing her back to David. In addition, there are a few women so well-respected that Matthew felt the need to mention them; Tamar, Bath-sheba, Rahab, and Ruth.
Rashomon Style: The four gospels emphasize different sides of Jesus based on each evangelist's target audience. Matthew showed Jesus as an Expy of Moses and cited a myriad of Old Testament prophecies to really drive the whole Messiah thing home. Mark's gospel was Darker and Edgier because his audience was persecuted Christians. Luke's gospel is Lighter and Softer, emphasizing Nice Guy qualities of Jesus because he was targeting non-Jewish converts. John's gospel is the most mystic-like of the four and writes a Higher Self version of Jesus to emphasize His divinity.
Scars Are Forever: He still had the scars from His crucifixion after He rose from the dead, probably because the Apostles would not believe unless they felt them.
One of His specialties. Notable Example: saving the adulteress from stoning by basically telling those who wanted to kill her "hey you guys, it's not like you'reso pure either".
There's also the time where the Pharisees asked if it was legal to pay taxes to Rome, hoping they could get Jesus arrested for his answer; Jesus outsmarted them with a simple answer of "if it belongs to Rome, give it to them".
Take That: It's hard to read His words and not think He's talking about someone today, but He was more talking about the people of his time, their hypocrisy and blindness to injustice. But, since He's omnipotent, He very well could be talking about people today, so this can be Doubly Subverted.
The Determinator: The man could. Not. Be. Stopped. Not by Legionnaires, not by crowds, not by endless humiliations and sufferings, not by death itself and all of the sins of ALL EXISTENCE.
The Hero: Of the New Testament. Specifically, a Guile Hero who pwned people with smarts rather than violence.
The Power of Love: One of Jesus's most remembered teachings is to love God and to love thy neighbor. Jesus emphasizes love as the most powerful thing in the universe. (Faith and Hope being the two runners-up)
The Unreveal: To settle a dispute, Jesus wrote something in the ground that apparently blew them away and made everyone stop fighting. This is the only recorded instance of Jesus ever writing anything. But none of the books ever tell us what he wrote, maybe because we couldn't understand it?.
The incident in question is recorded in John 8, when the people brought the woman who was caught in adultery in yet another attempt to trap Jesus by his own words. Commentators have suggested that what Jesus wrote on the ground was the accusers' own sins, as a way of calling them out for hypocrisy.
Verbal Tic: In the book of John, "I tell you the truth," or "Truly, truly I say to you."
Big Bad: The king of all big bads. He created evil in his heart and rebelled against God, and will be the first and the last Big Bad to exist. That is,if you see him that way.
Blow You Away: Briefly mentioned as "lord of the air".
Composite Character: In Jewish tradition, Satan is a completely different being than Lucifer, though most Christian belief seems to make them one and the same character.
Deal with the Devil: Quite literally. He tried to get Jesus to worship him in exchange for the world, but Jesus refused.
Light The Way: His real name according to some interpretations is Lucifer, meaning "the light bringer", and he is an angel. In fact, his title as "lord of darkness" isn't very supported by The Bible itself (unless you consider reptiles "dark"). Obviously Light is Not Good when he is presented ACCURATELY as a villain.
Light is Not Good: Satan transforms/disguises himself as an angel of light, and the Bible says that he is evil.
He's commonly referred to as the Prince of Darkness though. Which is not supported by the Bible anyway (in fact its Yahweh who's dark).
Lucifer means "lightbringer".
Malicious Slander: He is referred to as the "accuser of the brethren."
The Corrupter: To Judas at the very least. Likely to Eve.
Our Angels Are Different / Our Dragons Are Different: Takes the form of a red, seven headed dragon in Revelation. Whether he really looks like this, or if he shape shifted, is not specified, may not even be literal (Revelation is strange).
Reptiles Are Abhorrent: He is often associated with snakes, and is described as a dragon in Revelation.
Sadly Mythtaken: Most people nowadays see him as a horned, red skinned guy with a trident and a tail, with the title: "lord of darkness". None of this is supported by the Bible. Also, he does not rule hell, nor is he actually in hell yet. While on the topic, nowhere in the Bible is hell really described.
Satan Is Good: He started out officially working for God; sects and religions disagree on how long that gig lasted, and if he's still in the Lord's employ, or if he's now an independently malicious agent.
Joseph shows up in that episode when Jesus was 12 and He was in the Temple showing off his knowledge to the rabbis. Mary and Joseph were both mentioned here. After this, not much is known. Most sources say Jesus was an adult when Joseph died.
My Girl Is Not a Slut: Averted. After finding out that Mary was pregnant, he decided to (quietly) divorce her rather than make a big deal about it and have her be humiliated. That was really decent of him, considering the time and place he was in, he probably saved Mary's life (though he did come back for her).
Played straight at the time of Jesus' birth - there's a reason she got her title. Possibly averted afterward, depending on whether you translate references to Jesus' "brothers and sisters" as literal or metaphorical.
The Chick: The most feminine figure in Christianity.
The Chosen One: Chosen by God out of many different young women to be the mother of Jesus
The High Queen: To those who believe that she became Queen of Heaven and Queen of the World at the end of her earthly existence
Humble Heroine: Despite the praise Catholics heap on her, Mary herself always took care to direct attention to Jesus, rather than herself.
Incorruptible Pure Pureness: The Catholic doctrine of the Immaculate Conception states that she had to be perfect from the very beginning in order to be a suitable mother for Jesus, and so she was spared from Original Sin.
Peter, Andrew, James the brother of John, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, James the Lesser, Thaddeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas the Betrayer. Matthias was later brought into the group as Judas' replacement. Peter, John, and Judas have their own sections below.
Calling The Hero Out: Jesus did this to the disciples after they rebuked people for bringing their children to see Jesus.
Flat Earth Atheist: Thomas has this reputation if the phrase "Doubting Thomas" is anything to go by, but it's fairly unjustified: all the apostles had trouble accepting Jesus' resurrection without physical proof; Thomas was just singled out because he arrived late. In addition, Jesus readily offered said proof and they immediately believed upon seeing it.
Literal-Minded: The Apostles were often clueless about the things Jesus taught. They thought that Jesus was coming to restore the monarchy that David started even after Jesus rose from the dead. It wasn't until after Jesus sent the Holy Spirit that the Apostles understood everything.
One Steve Limit: Averted with two Jameses, also with a second John (the first being John the Baptist). Played straight with Simons, as Jesus named one "Peter" - but even then, yet another Simon was involved in the crucifixion.
Badass Nickname: Jesus gave him the name "Peter", which is from the Greek word for stone, "petros" ("cephas" is another Greek word meaning the same thing). How cool must that have been to have Jesus call you "Rock"? (Though, to be fair, Jesus was also quick to point out when he wasn't living up to the name.)
Character Development: Post-Pentecost, Peter becomes the new leader of Jesus's movement and gains maturity from it.
During two accounts of Jesus's arrest scene, Peter cuts off a soldier's ear with his sword (and one of these accounts makes it clear that, yes, Jesus healed it). This is just one of the many times Peter opens his mouth and inserts his foot.
Also, the time when Jesus tells Peter that anything he asks by faith will be granted. The first thing Peter asks for? That Jesus doesn't have to die. Jesus immediately rebukes it, repeating that his death is preordained.
The Lancer: Jesus left Peter in charge of the movement he started. According to the Catholic Church, the whole "I'm giving you the keys to my kingdom" scene represents Peter becoming the first pope.
Actually, he may be more of a Big Guy if you want to do the Five Man Band.
Living Lie Detector: One incident in Acts has a guy named Ananias attempting to commit fraud, but Peter sees right through the con. Ananias dies on the spot. A few hours later, Ananias's wife, Sapphira, tried to do the same and suffered the same fate.
One Steve Limit: Enforced. Since there was another Simon among the twelve, Jesus gave him the Peter nickname instead.
Red Oni, Blue Oni: Initially, Peter was the hot blooded foil to Jesus's calm demeanor, but post-Pentecost, he got better and became Paul's foil.
John the Apostle
"He who does not know love does not know God because God is love".
Hot Blooded: He and James often fought over who would have a better position in Heaven, to the point where their mother had to ask Jesus in order to have them stop fighting.
Heterosexual Life Partners: With Jesus, if you think that "the disciple whom he loved" was him. That phrase is talking about platonic love not homosexual love
Greed Interesting note, the thirty pieces of silver Judas was paid is the same amount Jewish law requires you to pay someone if you murder their slave.
Only in It for the Money: Possibly. He stole from the poor (see below) and betrayed Jesus for money.
Stealing From The Till: This is noted of in John 12:6 when he is among those to complain when Mary Magdalene anointed Jesus:
"He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it."
Trope Namer: To call someone a Judas is to say he is a traitor.
Heel Face Turn: Some stories say he converted to Christianity.
Paul (Saul) of Tarsus
"Saul, Saul, why persecute thou me?"
The Atoner: When he had an epiphany on the road after witnessing Stephen's stoning, which inspired him to spread Christ's teachings.
Badass: Fighting wild beasts in Ephesus; being stoned, dragged out of the city, and left for dead only for his followers to find him very much alive later on.
Pragmatic Adaptation: Pauline Christianity does away with Jewish laws. For instance, in addition to the inherent pain of circumcision, it would've made Christians ineligible to go to the gymnasium.
Sixth Ranger: Thought himself as one of the Apostles.
Self Restraint: Was once in jail with Silas when the wall miraculously collapsed - they stayed put.
Spell My Name Without An S: Saul is Paul's Hebrew name. Due to having dual citizenship (Jewish and Greco-Roman), Saul/Paul has two names. Since Paul is mostly shown in Greco-Roman territory, he goes by Paul.
Unwanted False Faith: Acts 14, Paul and Barnabus are witnessing in one Greek city and performing some miracles while they were at it. The citizens of the city were convinced that they were the Gods, Hermes and Zeus respectively and set up a whole procession to sacrificing to them as such. The apostles had to go to considerable lengths trying to make them to stop. This, in turn, made it easier for troublemakers to convince the very same citizens to attempt stoning Paul and Barnabus to death.
John from the Book of Revelation
"Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy... because the time is near."
Mad Oracle: He tends to give that impression, what with the Mind Screw-y-ness of his book.
Name's the Same / One Steve Limit: It's never specified if this was the same John the Apostle, John Mark, or John the Evangelist, or some other unknown John. He definitely isn't John the Baptizer. Probably. Most Bible scholars and commentators are of the view that John the Revelator (as this one is sometimes called) and John the disciple of Jesus are the same person.
Revelation is definitely the strangest and most surreal book in the Bible. Some people have suggested he was actually under the influence of volcanic fumes (like the Sibyl or the Oracle of Delphi).
Others think he was simply trying to record events, places, beings, and substances he was shown but just could not understand.
What the Hell, Hero?: Christians, while still alive, are still fallen. Some have shouted the name of Christ but enacted the service of Satan.
The Pharisees
"Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone."
Completely Missing the Point: See quote. They followed the ceremonies of the law to a T, but they completely over looked the more important spirit of the law.
God Never Said That: God gave a number of general rules, but by Jesus' time these had been analyzed and quantified into strict rules by the Pharisees. When the Pharisees tried to call Jesus on his "rulebreaking", He often explained that they had over analyzed the letter of the law and missed the spirit completely. For example, the Pharisees said He violated the Sabbath's ban on work by healing someone; He explained that while the Sabbath is a day of rest it's never against God's law to help a person or show mercy on them (See Matthew 12).
Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: "If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent."
Hypocrite: Their religion was more to make then look good in front of men then out of any real love for God. For example, they got mad at the disciples for eating with unwashed hands, but they themselves plotted murder and stole from people.
Loophole Abuse: Sort of, they had to make up a new rule to do it. They had a tradition that if something was declared "Corban" or "devoted to God" it was not to be used for secular use, and they would use that as a excuse not to use whatever it was to help their parents.
But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, "The Lord rebuke you!"
Breakout Character: He is only mentioned a few times yet he appears in works enough to get his own page.
Winged Humanoid: Often depicted as this, though there is no mention of what he is supposed to really look like. Whatever he looks like, he scared Zechariah.
Unwanted False Faith: John tried to worship a angel in Revelation, but the angel told him to stop as he was just a fellow servant and told him to worship God.
Common Knowledge: In canon, the white horseman is actually Conquest, but popular culture knows him as Pestilence. Perhaps because Conquest's schtick is already kind of covered by War.
Dark Is Not Evil: Possibly the last two, depending on your interpretation (as they were sent by Yahweh).
Angel Unaware: When he first appears, he is disguised as Azarias the son of the great Ananias and is seen traveling with a blind man named Tobias. After many, many hints, including binding a demon, Raphael cures Tobias' blindness and presents himself as "the angel Raphael, one of the seven, who stand before the Lord". He then proceeds to show him how to defeat the demon Asmodeus, who was killing every man his daugter married.
Cruel and Unusual Death: While it was NOT unusual to torture people, the sheer extremes and "creativity" used in the case of the seven siblings and their mom is what puts him here.
And then God dealed him one of these in form of a just as horrible illness.
