Hayley: They think you're Kevin Bacon!
Roger: Yes, Hayley, I understand things that happen around me.
Steve: It's the last clue!
Stan: DUH! REALLY?! Sorry, it's been a really long night.
- From "Toy Whorey", when the wheels from Stan's SUV have been stolen
A guy in a car: You can't drive with no wheels.
Stan: Thank you, genius. Comically Missing the Point: Stan, on a number of occasions:
- In Deacon Stan, Jesus Man:
Roger: Anyway, last night I ate all of your potato salad, and I tried to make more, but there was no mayo, so instead I used... well, pull my finger.
[Francine does so, Roger sprays milk from his breasts; everyone but Stan gags]
Stan: (beat) I don't get it, what's the secret ingredient?
- In Lincoln Lover, after the Logcabin Republicans perform a two-minute musical piece that explains how gays don't have to be Democrats:
Stan: [realization] My God. Where did you get this confetti?
- In Threat Levels, when Stan discovers gay couple Greg and Terry are the new neighbors, and Stan reveals his prejudice:
Stan: We don't want their kind in this neighborhood.
Francine: You're overreacting.
Stan: Overreacting? Overreacting? Do you know what those two are? Reporters! That's right, Francine, members of the liberal media!
(camera pans to stand with "AIDS HOTCAKES" sign)
Jimmy: How come no-one is buying your hot cakes, Mr. Aids?
Mr. Aids: Because I'm Irish, Jimmy. Because I'm Irish.
- In The Great Space Roaster:
[The power cuts out, before a warning siren sounds and emergency lights start flashing]
Francine: [distressed] Stan, what's happening?!
Stan: [indifferent] Not much. What's happening with you?
- In Phantom of the Telethon:
When you are forbidden to drink, dance or touch yourself, your afternoons are pretty much free. Roger:
You can't touch yourself? How do you masturbate?
- In the same episode, a flashback reveals Roger is sabotaging Stan's telethon as he stole the idea from him:
Roger: I WILL BE AVENGED! (leaves, then re-enters) PLEASE CALL ME WHEN DINNER IS READY!
Stan: Of course, it's Roger! He's trying to ruin the telethon because I didn't call him when dinner was ready!
- In Ricky Spanish, when Roger wants Daniel to knock Steve out:
Roger: Now it's time to say goodnight, Steve! Daniel?
Daniel: (beat) Oh? Goodnight, Steve.
Roger: Daniel, (sighs) no. [nods at Steve].
Daniel: Oh! Where are my manners? [kisses Steve on the forehead] Goodnight, puddin'.