Better than Sex

I don't know exactly what "this" is... but I know I want it!

"Take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply it by a thousand, and you're still nowhere near it."

— Renton (on shooting heroin), Trainspotting

A Stock Phrase where a character compares an activity or sensation to the act of lovemaking and claims that it is better.

Often, it is used to describe something pleasing or enjoyable in hyperbole or, more tragically, to reflect the attitudes of people with immense cravings or addictions for particular things (especially drugs). Though on occasion, it may also be a sign that the person using the phrase hasn't had a very enjoyable sex life.

Compare: Just Like Making Love, Geeky Turn-On, Nerdgasm, Why Don't You Marry It?

Not to be confused with the essay collection by Hunter S. Thompson. (He was talking about political journalism.) noreallife

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Examples

Advertising

• A Taco Cabana radio ad claims that "Taco Cabana has the best Tex-Mex. Everybody says it's better than... pizza," explaining that they couldn't mention sex on the radio and, besides, there's too much sex in advertising already.

Anime And Manga

• Played by the merging in Genesis of Aquarion, where the pilots trying to describe the feeling of merging the ships as "the best feeling ever", and even seem to act as if the action itself is a form of sex.
• In Black Blood Brothers, sex apparently pales in comparison to the sensation of getting bit by a vampire.
• In Black Lagoon, Revy remarks that Balalaika is one of those people who prefers war to sex.
• Rebuild World:
  • Akira believes that soaking in a hot bath far exceeds anything his already low sex drive could offer him. Alpha's flirtations and Sheryl all but asking him to have sex with her fly over his head while he's enjoying his bath time.
  • After being beside himself with joy trying Impossibly Delicious Food with Shiori at a restaurant, Akira comes up with the catchphrase that he's still of the age where he's "more interested in food than girls". Carol later pokes holes in that idea. This is in part obfuscating that Akira has a Trauma Button relating to sex from his horrible experience in the slums before the story began.
• In Star Driver, Madoka Kei explicitly compares Cybody combat to sex, saying that it is far more stimulating and intimate than intercourse could ever be. This, however, is just her opinion: the rest of the Glittering Crux considers her something of a psychopath for this attitude.
• In a series filled with a lot of perverts, High School D×D has Vali Lucifer who gets turned on more with fighting stronger opponents than making love and is not interested in the latter, much to Kuroka's headache.

Comedy

• In one of his stand-up routines, Dane Cook insists that having a pet monkey would be better than sex—or, even better, being part of a heist with the monkey driving the van.

Comic Books

• In one Birds of Prey issue, the supervillainess Knockout calls fighting "better than sex and almost as brutal" before a fight with Big Barda.
• In Empire, users of a highly addictive Super Serum called "Eucharist" describe the drug high as better than sex.

Fan Works

• Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality: A variant comes up with Hermione.
  Before she'd met Harry Potter she hadn't had anyone she'd wanted to crush. If someone wasn't doing as well as her in class, it was her job to help them, not rub it in. That was what it meant to be Good.
  And now...
  ...now she was winning, Harry Potter was flinching every time she got another House point, and it was so much fun, her parents had warned her against drugs and she suspected this was more fun than that.
• In The Stalking Zuko Series after eating the expensive and rare dragonberries, Suki declares them better than sex which causes her boyfriend Sokka to greatly worry.
• In one Buffy the Vampire Slayer story, after Buffy accidentally makes Xander her slave (having staked Dracula while Xander was under his control), she initially declares Xander's massages to be better than sex. Later she decided the difference was academic, claiming she needed new underwear either way.
• In Luminosity, when Edward (who has tasted human blood) is trying to explain to Bella (who has not) just how amazingly delicious human blood is that Vegetarian Vampires are so rare, he tells her that before their wedding, he asked his brothers what to expect of the honeymoon, and they said that sex enhanced by vampiric senses was the second best thing they'd ever experienced. Edward, for his part, disagrees but mentions for the sake of honesty that he might have felt otherwise if he had tasted Bella's blood before she turned.
• Averted in Rebuilding Your Life when Charlie says that Harry's cooking is "nearly as good as" sex.
• In It All Started With a Visit to Gringotts Rowena Ravenclaw's portrait teaches Bill some warding spells.
  Bill: Harry that was totally amazing better than any orgasm I ever had... don't tell Fleur I said that.
• In an Empath: The Luckiest Smurf mini-story, Tapper describes his being intimate with the Lord the same way King David described his best friend Jonathan's love for him — that it "surpasses the love of women". In "Smurfed Behind: The Other Side Of The Mirror", Mirror Universe Greedy says that eating his chocolate cake is better than sex...not that he thinks that sex is bad.
• In Ryuko's POV in Chapter 17 of Natural Selection, she muses that simply cuddling is just as emotionally fulfilling as the activities she'd rather be engaging in with her girlfriend.
• In Body and Soul, an older Alya describes her ship coming in, with a public Love Confession in front of everybody, as this trope. And she means it entirely literally- her boyfriend is a great guy, but he doesn't know much about physical intimacy yet.
• In Deny Thy Father And Refuse Thy Name Pettigrew comments that James occasionally said that flying was better then sex.
• In Poinsettia Plot Draco comments that he's heard that the chocolate cake at Madame Puddifoot's is better than sex.
• In The Redemption of Ron Weasley Ginny comments in a letter that Harry once remarked that flying was better than sex and that their sole attempt to combine the two was not as much fun as you'd think.

Film - Animated

• Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars. The Lost Patrol has this reaction to the excitement of their first real combat drop. Though some debate as to whether it really is better than sex. The excitement lasts until they look down and see their landing zone swarming with bugs.
• War of the Worlds: Goliath. Averted with Manfred von Richthofen who thinks that combat is better than schnapps. His opinion on sex is not mentioned.

Film - Live Action

• Several of the heroin junkies in Trainspotting praise their drug of choice as being better than sex. Significantly, such comparisons are what lead Tommy to take up the habit after his girlfriend dumps him, with devastating consequences and mockingly called back by a drug-decayed Tommy in Renton's nightmare.
• In Sister Act, after two of the singing nuns refer to singing as being better than more innocent things such as "springtime" and "ice cream," the "heathen" Fish out of Water Dolores proclaims that singing is "better than sex," adding that it's what she has heard after a comedic Beat.
• In the Wing Commander movie, after Rosie performs a dangerous but impressive maneuver in her starfighter while landing, she claims that pulling it off felt better than sex. When Angel quite literally calls, "bullshit," Rosie amends, "Better than sex with myself."
• In Wall Street, Gordon Gekko relates that when he made an $800,000 profit on his first business real-estate purchase, he thought making all that money was "better than sex," but years later, he only sees it as a day's pay.
• According to Michael in The Big Chill, rationalizations are better than sex.
  Sam: Aw, come on. Nothing's more important than sex.
  Michael: Oh, yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?
• In Just the Way You Are, François says that the feeling of taking off ski boots is better than sex. Peter replies, "Bad sex."
• In the opening sequence of Demon Knight, Amanda tells her lover over the phone that killing her husband was almost better than sex. She laughs at his (unheard to the audience) response and points out she did say "almost".
• Legally Blonde: After learning she got the last of the internship spots with Professor Callahan, Elle approaches ex-boyfriend Warner and drops this gem on him.
  Elle: Oh, Warner? Remember those four amazing hours we spent in hot tub after Winter Formal?
  Warner: Yea—(sees Vivian glaring at him)— No.
  Elle: This is so much better than that!
• Love Me if You Dare: Julien's elated that he's reunited with Sophie and the game is back on. His monologue calls it better than drugs, sex, sex symbols, and various pop culture things:
  Julien: Sophie was back in the game! Pure, raw, explosive pleasure! Better than drugs, better than smack! Better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-shit-shoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstasy! Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra or Thai doggy-style! Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George Lucas's trilogy, 'The Muppets' and 2001! Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn, Lara Croft and Cindy Crawford's beauty mark! Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimi Hendrix and the first man on the moon! Space Mountain, Santa Claus, Bill Gates' fortune, the Dalai Lama, Lazarus raised from the dead! Schwarzenegger's testosterone shots, Pam Anderson's lips! Woodstock, raves... Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda! Better than freedom, better than life!

Literature

• In Everworld, Senna gets Drunk on the Dark Side at one point, declaring it to be like sex, money, power, revenge, and triumph all at once.
• In The Light Fantastic, Rincewind accidentally casts some real magic and suddenly discovers why wizards don't care that much about being celibate.
• Hunter S. Thompson named one of his books of political essays after this trope.
• In The House of Night series, drinking blood from a human or other vampyre that one is imprinted with is described as being better than sex.
• In the Nightside book Nightingale's Lament, Rossignol says that chocolate is better than sex, then reconsiders and amends this to "some sex".
• In Galápagos, Colonel Reyes launches a missile from his aircraft and tells his friend that the experience felt better than sexual intercourse.
• Joachim Steuben of Hammer's Slammers really, really likes killing and considers sex a "distant second" to violence.
• Stephanie Plum: The title character prefers cake to sex. Always. Even though she has two rather competent lovers in her life, her number one passion is still cake.
• Occasionally, characters in the Battle Tech Expanded Universe novels will comment on how the act of synchronizing with a Battlemech is greater than any sexual thrill due to the neural link required for pilot and 'Mech to coordinate movements.
• Bothari from the Vorkosigan Saga considers killing people to be better than sex.
• In Larry Niven's Known Space, a Droud (and the portable version a Tasp) can directly stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain with electrical current. Addicts lose interest in everything else and have died under the influence with a smile on their face.
• Daniel Keys Moran in Tales of the Continuing Time has wireheads, with this explicitly referenced. Of course, the opposite is also possible.
• Caliban's War: When Prax notices Amos is unusually happy one morning, he asks if Amos got laid. Amos confirms that he did, but that's not why he's happy, because even getting laid can't compare to getting a new job the day after you get fired.

Live-Action TV

• In The X-Files episode "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'", when a Lt. Jack Schaefer is speaking to Agent Mulder, he says, "Have you ever flown a flying saucer? Afterwards, sex seems trite."
• On Dawson's Creek, Audrey once says that the one thing she misses the most about having a boyfriend is snuggling, which is, in her view, better than sex.
• On True Blood, Amy once described the high on the illicit drug made from vampire blood, V, as being better than sex.
• On Coupling, Jeff once says this about writing the word "naked" hundreds of times on a sheet of paper and rubbing his face in it, something he apparently used to do as a kid.
• In Gen V, Tek Knight declares this as his feeling on digging for the truth in an investigation.
• In Dean Learner's interview with ex-Formula Five motor racer Steve Pising on Man to Man with Dean Learner, Steve refers to the speed of a Formula Five car as being better than sex... or, at least, better than any sex that he's ever had.
• In the first episode of Sliders, Wade claimed that sliding is better than sex.
  Arturo: Well, I wouldn't go that far...
• Battlestar Galactica: For dramatic irony Kat's comment is intercut with a scene of her being so strung-out from taking stimulants to deal with her fatigue that she screws up landing her Viper.
  Kat: When you come back after a successful run, let me tell you. It is better than a great meal. Better than hitting a jackpot. It's better than sex.
• On the UK version of The Apprentice, Series 5 contestant Ben considered making money better than sex.
  Harry Hill: You're not doing it right!
• In Mystery Science Theater 3000's riffing of The Skydivers, Crow uses this phrase to mock the movie's fixation with coffee, as well as the lack of chemistry between the two lead characters.
  Beth: I made some coffee.
  Crow: Coffee? Thanks, that's better than sex.
• In Alien Nation Sikes describes his car as better than sex, then sees the look on his alien neighbor's face and hurriedly explains the existence of this stock phrase as a metaphor and not to be taken literally. Parodied moments later as the car breaks down.
• In Red Dwarf, when Rimmer copies himself and moves in with his new double, he describes his new life of discipline as "better than sex". Of course, he's soon proven wrong when it turns out even his double doesn't like him. (Of course, Rimmer's sex life consisted of twelve minutes [including eating the pizza] with the ship's concussed female boxing champion, who kept calling him Norman, so he's not exactly in a position to judge.)
• M*A*S*H, in the episode "Adam's Ribs", Hawkeye tries to get a case of barbecued pork ribs from a Chicago restaurant shipped to Korea. When Radar asks if these ribs are as good as Hawkeye says they are, Hawkeye answers, "Better than sex." Radar then grouses, "I wouldn't know how good that is, sir."
• In a Season One episode of Gilmore Girls, Miss Patty tells Rory that the peaches in Doose's Market are "better than sex."
• On Gossip Girl, Blair describes a take-down as better than sex. And then immediately has sex with Chuck for comparison purposes...
• From the first episode of season seven of Canada's Worst Driver:
  Jon: This is better than sex.
  Elise (his girlfriend): I agree.
  [Beat]
  Jon: Hey!
• Supernatural: At one point, a woman with the transplanted heart of an ancient Mayan sports player that eats hearts has Dean pinned down and explains how eating hearts feels better than sex.
• Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: In "Favor the Bold," the Female Changeling tells Odo that sex pales in comparison to linking (the act of two or more Changelings melding together). Given that she and Odo have experimented with both together, she means this literally.
  • Also, Odo later did some kind of physical act of love with Kira that involved turning himself into a bright glowing cloud of golden mist and enveloping her; probably not quite the same thing as sex, but from the ecstatic look on her face during this sequence, she wasn't complaining.
• Duck Dynasty: According to Phil Robertson, if he had a choice between sex and boudin, he'd take the boudin.
• On Taxi the gang accompany Alex on a skydiving lesson. The attractive female instructor says that jumping is better than sex, and Bobby hits on her by correcting "Better than most sex."
• At the conclusion of the "Racing Gravity" segment of the Mythbusters "Demolition Derby" special - during which the Build Team dropped a car from 4,000 feet to find out if a remote-controlled car on the ground could beat it to the mark - Kari Byron claimed she was less excited after her first kiss.
• On Seinfeld, Jerry thinks that having an honest car mechanic who doesn't constantly try to rip you off is much more important than sex.
  • Both "The Soup Nazi" and "The Yada Yada" have lines about a bisque being this. Though in the latter case, it was to indicate how bad the sex was rather than how good the bisque was.
  • Attempted, but ultimately Subverted by George in "The Abstinence". While he initially finds his newfound intelligence from abstinence so rewarding that he's willing to remain celibate forever, he loses it all to sleep with the hot Portuguese waitress at Monk's, having gained the ability to speak Portuguese and figuring it to be a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
• Veep: When Selina's team manages to confirm a story that a political rival had an affair in the past, Amy cheerfully states that it feels better than having sex herself.
• Narrowly averted in the Babylon 5 episode "GROPOS". After a Bar Brawl in the station casino is brought to an abrupt halt, Pvt. Elizabeth "Dodger" Durman, Earth Alliance Marine Corps, tells Garibaldi, whom she has the hots for, that a fight's "the best thing next to sex."
• On My Name Is Earl, Joy has some fruit punch at a mother-child playgroup meeting. She loudly comments about how the punch is better than sex, and jokes that she's going to need a cigarette after. Naturally, the children repeat what she said...which gets her ostracized by the other moms in the group.
• Averted in Game of Thrones. Khal Moro asks if there is anything better than seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time, only for his bloodriders to start reciting a laundry list of things that force him to concede it's only in the Top 5.
• In The Good Place, flying is described as feeling like 50 million simultaneous orgasms.
• You (2018): Peach describes runner's high as this. Joe disagrees vehemently.
• In an episode of Drake & Josh, after a series of wacky hijinks of successfuly evading on babysitting their grandfather and tag teamed their nerdy neighbors to take care of him, just to see this most amazing ride called "The Demonator", they proceeded to ride it, and this was the exchange:
  Drake: Oh.
  Josh: My.
  Both: God.
  Drake: We rode The Demonator.
  Josh: The greatest roller coaster in the history of mankind.
  Drake: It's better than love.
  Josh: It's better than girls.
  Drake: Okay, don't get crazy.
• Saturday Night Live: A parody commercial for the real estate site Zillow featured thirtysomethings browsing the site as the more exciting alternative to sex, orgasming at the site of well-designed mansions.
• Janus. Ax-Crazy bank robber Mal Hennessy is caught on tape bragging that the moment he shot a police officer was "like getting your first head job". Unfortunately he gets Off on a Technicality, but later a police prosecutor happens on an old homicide case where a witness overheard someone saying this while dumping a body, and realises that Mal must have been the culprit.
• In The Expanse, Diogo claims that spacewalking is better than sex. After Miller has his first spacewalk, he takes this as evidence that Diogo has never had sex.

Music

• Estonian rock band Smilers wrote and recorded a song with the title translated as "Football [Soccer] Is Better Than Sex", released on an album with the same name.
• Lou Reed's "Kicks" uses this trope to extol the virtues of cutting people up with a switchblade.
• The Tiger Lillies song "Murder" goes, "Murder is easy, murder is fun. It's better than sex, I always come."

Print Media

• There used to a Sunderland A.F.C. (a British Football / Soccer Club)) fanzine titled Sex & Chocolate Aren't as Good as Football.

Professional Wrestling

• During the Attitude Era, after Vince McMahon fired "Stone Cold" Steve Austin the night after Judgment Day (1998), for insubordination at not declaring a winner between The Undertaker and Kane, he proclaimed during a broadcast of Raw is War that telling Austin he's fired was better than sex.

Radio

• In the Christmas Episode of Conversations From A Long Marriage, Joanna finds Roger's roast potatoes Orgasmically Delicious, but says they're better than an actual orgasm.
• Earthsearch. Lenart gleefully slaughters the inhabitants of Holocaust City with laser cannons, while shouting, "This is more fun than the sex competitions!"
• In a piece on Inside Science about the one animal in an animal behaviourology study that never seems to move, so you're not sure if it's dead, or the tracker's fallen off, or it's just lazy, the interviewee mentioned a study of pheasants where one didn't even move during mating season, and joked that, for this pheasant, a comfortable position really did seem to be better than sex.

Religion

• While possibly suggesting Ho Yay in a book that frowns upon such, The Bible does have David saying that his relationship with Jonathan surpasses that of the love of women.
• A pleasant Near-Death Experience is universally described as being much better than sex.

Tabletop Games

• kill puppies for satan describes the feeling a ghoul has after feeding on a corpse as "about as good as pretty good sex, which is way better than your average ghoul has ever had".
• Vampire: The Masquerade. A vampire explains what it's like drinking blood:
  "Imagine drinking the finest champagne and the sensation of the most sensual lovemaking you've ever experienced. Overlay that with the rush the opium fiend feels as he takes that first breath on the pipe, and you begin to have some sense, some tiny, infinitesimal sense of what it feels like to drink the blood of...a living human being."

Theatre

• In Legally Blonde: The Musical, Elle sings a musical number titled "So Much Better". In one verse, she tells Warner that getting the coveted legal internship feels better than the best sex they ever had.

Video Games

• Jack from Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines describes drinking blood as better than having sex and taking drugs, although in that world they require roundabout methods for the second (they have to drink the blood of someone on the drug, which requires feeding). It's also highly unusual for a vampire to even be interested in sex; the ones that do seem to be mostly in it for the deviance factor.
• In Sengoku Rance, Rance gets more satisfaction from finding rare shells than normal sex. This is an extremely unusual example since Rance is a Lovable Sex Maniac and a Harem Seeker.
• Kingdom of Loathing parodies the Better than Sex cake with the less ambitious, but more honest, "Better than Cuddling Cake".
• Katawa Shoujo: While discussing the "Runner's High" with Hisao after a workout, Emi calls it "better than sex", leaving Hisao quite flustered. Considering she turns out to be a Lovable Sex Maniac herself, she was almost certainly saying it just to make him squirm.
• In Bloodborne, the residents of Yharnam find blood so euphoric that you can meet a High-Class Call Girl who gets paid for her blood in lieu of sex. If you direct her to a safe haven, she'll give you vials of her blood for no charge, which (in addition to healing) gives you increased stamina recovery.

Webcomics

• According to Jodie from Loserz, Spider-Man 2 is even better than the best sex she had.
• Cyndi from Penny and Aggie says this phrase in reference to hurting other people.
• In Zodiac, Hell Hound finds burning someone to death "better than any drug or sexual act."
• In The Order of the Stick, Belkar describes a certain Spice thusly;
  Belkar: It's like you crystallized the best sex you've ever had with a woman and put it in a tiny bottle on your spice rack. No, wait, it's like you took that spice and snorted it while screwing her hotter sister. In front of her.
• Subverted in Narbonic when Mell returns from a few weeks in Heaven and Hell, where she existed without a body and any physical sensations. She immediately drags her boyfriend off for sex.
  Caliban: You know, the radiance of the seraphic host is said to be a far greater ecstasy than—
  Mell: Dude. It ain't.
  Caliban: I know. Just checking.
• Oglaf: "Babes of the Abyss" has a young mage make a Deal with the Devil to summon a bunch of hot devil girls, and learn that when he dies, he'll become one of them, doomed to have sex with sweaty nerds like himself. Realizing he's dealing with former nerds, he immediately asks who wants to paint figurines, and it cuts to them doing just that as the demon watches on in confusion.

Web Original

• Homestar Runner brings us This Book is Better Than 1st, 2nd, and Quite Possibly Even 3rd Base from the Strong Bad Email "studying."
• In YouTuber Jacksfilms's ShamWow infomercial parody, a lady in a testimonial says this.
• The Spill.com team, who post animated movie reviews, has movie ratings system that ranges from "Some Ole Bulls**t!" (the lowest) right up to "Better Than Sex" (the best).
• SF Debris: apparently, this is how Trip Tucker of Star Trek: Enterprise views the Hamsterdance, to the point where he views it as the only way to improve the experience of making out with Jolene Blalock in a shower scene.
• GotQuestions.org's answer to "Will there be sex in heaven" pretty much boils down to this, as they see sex (within marriage) as just the shadow and copy of the intimacy God wants to have with His people, and that once believers in Jesus Christ pass on from this life to be with Him, they will not need sex because they will have something much better.
  • The One Minute Apologist's answer to the same question also comes down to this.
• A fairly popular internet meme follows the format of "Yeah sex is cool but have you ever..." followed by an activity the user deems extremely pleasurable or satisfying. Examples include "...had garlic bread", "...closed 15 tabs after finishing a project", and "...shown someone art you made and had them get more excited about it than you expected".
  • This has led to a response in which someone notes that the phrase has been overused and should be retired because "I actually tried your garlic bread, and frankly I'm worried your needs aren't being met."

Western Animation

• On Family Guy, when Stewie grows a strong fondness for Flappy Jack's pancakes in the episode "Love Thy Trophy", he at one point insists that the pancakes are better than sex, insinuating a growing addiction to the pancakes that ends with him going through withdrawal by the end of the episode in a send-up of a scene from Trainspotting.
  • And while taunting a dieting Chris with the meatloaf:
    Stewie: It's too bad you can't have any. It's practically orgasmic. [takes a bite] OH YES! YES! OH! OH! YES! YES!
    Brian: I'll have what he's having.
• On American Dad!, a magazine for nerds titled "Wizards and Shut-Ins" is shown running the story "500 Reasons Why Krull is Better Than Sex."
• During the season one finale of Hazbin Hotel, Vox says this word for word after seeing Alastor almost die at the hands of Adam.
• In a Robot Chicken sketch mixing Sesame Street with Wall Street, Kermit the Frog's cousin Gordon the Gecko describes greed as this.
  Gordon: See this building behind me? First place I ever bought! Flipped it and made $800,000! It was better than sex!
• On Futurama, when Fry first tastes popplers:
  "They're like sex, except I'm having them!"
• Castlevania (2017): In Season 3, Trevor is offered a free mug of beer as a reward by the local brewer for having slain a night creature. When Trevor describes the beer as "better than sex", his Love Interest Sypha angrily freezes his drink with ice magic and walks off in a huff, implying that Trevor will be sleeping alone that night. This is also how we learn that Trevor and Sypha have undergone their Relationship Upgrade.

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