Coming out of the closet is one of the hardest things for someone in the LGBT Community to do. LGBT characters will often be reluctant to reveal their sexual or gender identity lest it put them in danger of rejection or violence. Their loved ones, however, may disapprove of this constant secrecy. They don't want to out them without permission, but they will repeatedly insist the character stop hiding who they are.
The most common setup is that the characters are in a Secret Relationship, and the closeted person's significant other, sick of hiding their love from the public, will insist that the closeted person finally tell the truth about who they are - possibly giving an ultimatum that if they don't come out, the relationship is over. It may also be that one character is openly LGBT and feels alone in their society, and would like the other character to come out and show solidarity. The other character might have such a Transparent Closet that their friend thinks trying to pretend to be straight is a futile effort at this point.
While the character coaxing an LGBT character to come out is usually depicted as sympathetic (and indeed, the latter character usually does come out by the end), this trope is very controversial in the LGBT community, since it often comes across as guilt tripping a character who is reasonably nervous to take such a risk. At worst it can demonstrate a serious Lack of Empathy on the part of the person doing the coaxing.
Usually a source of Gayngst.
Examples:
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Comic Books
- Played With in one arc of Runaways, where openly-gay Karolina becomes concerned about the welfare of a young "Wonder" named Klara because she realizes that Klara is like her... because Klara has emotion-based powers like Karolina does, and she and Molly try and get Klara to open up about these powers.
Fan Works
- The first chapter of the Zootopia fanfic Take a Stand ends with Clawhauser tearfully telling Nick that he and Bogo had broken up over the latter's unwillingness to come out — which Clawhauser had made into an ultimatum. Later, Bogo comes out even to his homophobic father to prove how much he wants to be with Clawhauser.
Film
- In Happiest Season, Harper hasn't yet come out as a lesbian to her family, afraid that doing so would anger her parents and jeopardize her father's campaign for mayor in their small conservative town. Her girlfriend, Abby, reluctantly agrees to pose as her roommate when they visit Harper's family. For much of the film, Abby is unable to convince Harper to tell her parents the truth. This comes to a head during the family's Christmas party when Harper's sister spitefully outs them, which Harper denies, causing a heartbroken Abby to walk out.
- In & Out: Howard believes he's being Mistaken for Gay, and that Peter is only pursuing him because it'd make a good story for the mass media. However, Peter reveals to Howard that he's gay, and tells the story of his coming out to convince Howard to tell the truth about himself. Howard continues to insist he's not gay, but Peter kisses him, throwing Howard for a loop. The rest of the film has Howard realize he actually is gay.
Literature
- Catfishing on CatNet: In the original story, Cat Pictures Please, the AI tries to help a fundamentalist Lutheran preacher who is in denial about his sexuality. Showing him literature on why homosexuality is not antichristian doesn't work, and nor does getting him information on transferring to a different church. When that fails, the AI diverts his Craigslist hookups towards people who might recognise him and tell other people, not realising that this might do more harm than good. After giving up on helping people, the AI stumbles across information that the preacher has come out and changed churches, possibly as a result of the AI's actions, prompting them to try helping people on a bigger scale.
- Ivy Aberdeen's Letter to the World: "Keeper", as Ivy dubs the mysterious person who has her drawings, tries to get Ivy to discuss her feelings towards girls. While this is done with Ivy's best interests at heart, the fact that Ivy wasn't really ready to discuss her feelings is why she's mad at Taryn for trying to do this.
- Justified in The Laundry Files. In The Atrocity Archive, Laundry regulations are said to require gay employees to be openly gay, to avoid them being vulnerable to blackmail as they were when they weren't allowed to serve openly in Her Majesty's Government. Which means Bob's Camp Gay roommate Pinky has to drag his Straight Gay partner the Brain out to Pride every year to maintain his security clearance.
- Murder, She Wrote: In book 5 (Martinis and Mayhem) of the Expanded Universe novel series, Norman Lana is the boyfriend of the late Brett Pearl, and is revealed to have tried repeatedly to get Brett to come out to his very religious family. Norman ultimately took it a step further, threatening to call Brett's parents and inform them of Brett's sexuality, with fatal results — Brett, unable to cope with what he thought would be their response, chose to throw himself off the Golden Gate Bridge rather than be outed.
- In The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Patrick is pretty openly gay, but his boyfriend Brad, a star football player with a violently homophobic father, is hesitant to be out or reveal their relationship to all but a few friends, which is a major source of tension in their relationship. In the movie, this comes to a head when Brad, still keeping the relationship and his sexuality a secret, calls Patrick a faggot in front of everyone, triggering a huge fight.
Live-Action TV
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Played with in "Phases". When the Scoobies are trying to find out who is a werewolf, Xander is talking to Jerk Jock Larry, mentioning that he can sympathise with Larry because he "went through the same himself". Xander meant this to refer to how his personality had once been taken over by that of a hyena, but Larry takes it to mean that Xander once was a closeted gay who's trying to convince Larry to come out as well. Though he at first exclaims "How do you think people are going to look at me once they find out I'm gay?", once he said it out loud he starts to come to terms with it, and in later episodes, he's openly gay.
- Doom Patrol (2019):
- Before the accident that disfigured him, Larry Trainor was a closeted test pilot whose lover John kept trying to get him to come out of the closet and leave his wife. After the accident, Larry just retreated further into the closet, only coming out decades later.
- In "Dead Patrol", Larry twigs that Edwin Paine, one of the Dead Boy Detectives, harbors feelings for his best friend Charles Rowland, and encourages him to talk to Charles about it. Edwin is reluctant, as that simply wasn't done back when he was still alive, and since he and Charles are ghosts, it seems like a moot point.
- In "Dada Patrol", the subtext of Shelley's interrogation of Jane about her identity is that Shelley suspects that Jane is a lesbian like her, and is encouraging her to admit that to herself.
- Glee: Kurt transfers back to McKinley after he and his dad are reassured that Karofsky, who only Kurt and Santana know is deeply in the closet, will no longer bully Kurt. This leads to Karofsky giving Kurt and genuine apology in private and in turn, Kurt encouraging him to try coming out since the school seems to have become more accepting thanks to his and Santana's anti-bullying work. However, Karofsky balks at the thought and runs away from Prom after he and Kurt are elected Prom King and Queen respectively.
- High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: After Maddox realizes that Ashlyn is lashing out at Val because she has a crush on her, Maddox begins slyly hinting that she can relate to doing the same to girls she had feelings for. Ashlyn denies it, as she hasn't figured it out herself, but once Maddox puts the thought in her head it's only a matter of time before she realizes that she's as attracted to girls as she is to guys.
- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Mac is an Armored Closet Gay who sometimes seems to be trying to coax himself out with his constant double entendres and euphemisms. The rest of the Gang tries to get him to admit it for years. In "The Gang Goes To Hell Part 1," he tries to tell a gay couple that being gay is a sin and they manage to coax him out in about five minutes (though he goes right back in the next episode before coming out once and for all in "Hero Or Hate Crime?").
- Mr. Show
- One sketch where two parents meet with their son to let him know that they're OK with him being gay and that he doesn't need to be in the closet around them. To show their commitment, they've make public declarations of support for their gay son. The son, however, is horrified because he's not gay and has no idea why his parents think he is.
- Another sketch has the agents of a hair metal band meet with the band about a sex tape showing them having sex with male groupies. The band members are confused why anyone would think that they're gay, however, as they're just partying. A gay exec tries to have a heart-to-heart with them to understand that "we are gay," but the rockers just laugh him off with gay slurs.
- My Dead Ex: Wren and then Charley encourage Bethany about coming out as a lesbian. In the finale, she does.
- The New Adventures of Old Christine: Joe has been struggling with his repressed homosexuality for his entire life, and finally admits how he feels when Christine invites him to sleep with her. Though she spends the remainder of the episode encouraging him to come out to his family, he ultimately refuses, saying that he will only do so when he feels ready.
- One Day at a Time (2017): Subverted. Out-and-proud Elena suspects her cousin Pilar is a lesbian, but no one in the family's ever talked about it. When her mother confirms the entire family's quietly suspected that Pilar is gay for a while, Elena decides to try and talk to her about it and get her to come out. It turns out Pilar's not only gay, she's been out of the closet for ages and she's actually married to a woman. And the whole family was at the wedding. They just never seem to get it through their heads that she's gay, and the ones that understand it don't feel comfortable discussing it. Elena finds this homophobic, but Pilar shrugs it off; she knows the family loves her, and they're all welcoming to her wife, so she's happy.
- In Scrubs, The Todd is very vocally interested in women, but there's a lot of hints he's attracted to men. Eventually Elliot and Carla decide to get him to admit he's gay (at least partially because they're fed up with his constant flirting) and start treating him like a Gay Best Friend. In a twist, he comes out as bisexual and keeps acting the same, but expanding his Chivalrous Pervert behaviour to the whole cast.
- Will & Grace: Will coaxes Jack to come out when it is discovered that the latter's mother is completely unaware of her son's sexual orientation despite Jack being the poster boy for Camp Gay. Will also calls out Jack for being a Hypocrite since he was the one who pressured Will to come out to his parents and even tried to out Will without his consent.
Theatre
- In Avenue Q, Rod is gay but in the closet. His roommate Nicky keeps trying to get him to come out by doing things such as hooking him up with guys and singing a song about how "if you were gay, that'd be OK".
- In Bare: A Pop Opera, the song "911! Emergency!
" is about the Virgin Mary appearing to the closeted Peter in order to convince him to come out to his parents.
- The Prom: Everybody in school knows Emma is a lesbian (and bullies her because of it), but they don't know Alyssa is her girlfriend. Alyssa can't come out lest she risk her popularity and especially her mother's wrath. At the end of act one, when Emma thinks Alyssa was in on the school's ploy to abandon Emma during prom, Emma lashes out at Alyssa for not coming out and leaving her to feel alone.
- One subplot in the 2016 Broadway run of the a capella musical In Transit follows a gay couple, Steven and Trent, on their way to meet Trent's mother in a highly conservative section of Texas. Steven keeps coaxing Trent to come out, saying it's more important than ever to be openly gay in their contentious political climate, but Trent is afraid to lose her love.
Video Games
- Guilty Gear -STRIVE-: Bridget's Arcade Mode story features this as part of her Coming-Out Story. She starts off still calling herself a boy, but is clearly uncomfortable doing so and is struggling to come to terms with her gender identity. Both Goldlewis and Ky recognize what's going on and gently encourage her to think things over and be true to herself, with Goldlewis sharing his experience about hiding his feelings from his family while Ky discusses when he went public about his relation to Gears. This culminates in Bridget coming out as a transgender woman.
Webcomics
- Tripping Over You: Liam hides his sexuality from his strict father well after coming out to some friends and his boyfriend Milo's family. When Milo points out just how much lying Liam does to maintain the secret and how hurtful it is to be a cause of shame, Liam finally takes the plunge.
Milo: It's only a solution in the short run... I was hoping this would be more long-term than that.
Western Animation
- American Dad!: Played with. Terry is openly gay and Happily Married to his fellow anchorman Greg, but his father is completely unaware of it. "Daddy Queerest" revolves around the Smiths trying to convince Terry to finally come out to his dad, though their attempts culminate in a drunken Stan blurting out the truth instead.
- Drawn Together: At the beginning of the episode "Gay Bash," the other housemates try to get Xandir to admit he's gay. They try to give him a "gay test," which he passes, but Xandir realizes he's too old for the game to apply to him. Clara decides to take Xandir to the ancient Wood Beast to settle this once and for all, as the Wood Beast will chop off Xandir's arm if he's gay. Sure enough, Xandir loses his arm, and the rest of the episode has the cast celebrate Xandir's homosexuality.
- Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox: Played with. The film takes place in an alternate timeline where Barry Allen is implied to be celibate. When he tries to tell his mother about his secret identity as The Flash, she interrupts him and encourages him to come out of the closet, saying that she will always love him no matter what.
- Out: Greg makes his boyfriend Manuel leave his house before Greg's parents come over, as Greg's parents don't know he's gay. Manuel is upset and simply says to Greg, "Tell them." Greg is hesitant, and tries to hide all evidence that he's gay...then he's forced to switch bodies with his dog, seemingly as part of a cosmic scheme by a magic cat and dog watching him to get him to be honest with his family.
- The Simpsons: Subverted in the episode "Gorgeous Grampa". After finding wigs, makeup, and feminine clothing that belongs to Grampa Simpson, Marge tries to coax him into admitting he's gay or trans and has been hiding it for decades; his actual secret is that he was once a flamboyant Gorgeous George-esque pro wrestler called "Glamorous Godfrey." Ironically, Mr. Burns (a huge fan of the villainous Godfrey) then manages to tempt Grampa back into the ring and his old gimmick.
- South Park:
- "Fourth Grade" has a variation. The self-exiled Mr. Garrison enters the "Tree of Insight" where he meets a physical manifestation of his "gay side," who convinces him to finally quit lying to himself and admit that he's gay.
- Parodied in a literal sense in the episode "Trapped in the Closet." The creators were not allowed to directly call Tom Cruise gay, so they instead made a subplot where Cruise gets upset that Stan didn't like his acting and locks himself in Stan's closet. This leads to a Running Gag where everybody tries to get Cruise (and later, John Travolta and R. Kelly - for the obvious reference) out of the closet, which is clearly meant to resemble a different situation.
Tom Cruise: ...I'm not, I'm not in the closet.
Nicole Kidman: Yes you are, Tom. And you need to just end this and come out. I'm not gonna think any differently of you. Katie's not gonna think any differently of you. You don't need to be in that closet anymore, Tom.
- Played with in the 2023 season of Total Drama Island. Raj and Wayne are Heterosexual Life-Partners, so when Wayne picks up that Raj is gay and has a crush on Bowie (even seeing them kiss, unbeknownst to either of them), he gets excited for Raj to come out to Wayne. He drops an unsubtle hint to Raj that he can tell him any secret because they're so close, but Raj doesn't understand what Wayne is talking about. This makes Wayne worry that Raj doesn't want to come out to him. Eventually Raj casually comes out during a dangerous challenge, and Wayne is super thrilled.
