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Sorting Algorithm Of Mortality / Literature

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To use the Sorting Algorithm of Mortality, simply add the Scream Score for each applicable row, then divide by the number of applicable rows (at this point, 13 or fewer). Remember: this is a relative score, so you need at least 3 characters from the same movie or series to establish a baseline. The original article is here. For characters who have already snuffed it, see Sorting Algorithm of Deadness.


Likelihood of death So dead   Average life expectancy   Die? Me? Ha!
Scream Score! 5 4 3 2 1
Age Older and Wiser Parent, Clueless teens Single adult Protagonist teens Child
Sexual Orientation Slut, Bisexual, Innocent Virgin Gay Straight Reluctant Celibate
Love Interests by Genre Rich Bitch, Horror Genre Hooker with a Heart of Gold, Temporary Shallow, Romance show Shrinking Violet Distressed Damsel, Action Series
Role Villain, Faceless Goons, Mooks, Red Shirt, The Mentor , The Big Guy Loners, Plucky Comic Relief, Mauve Shirt, Long-lost Friend, The Smart Guy The Lancer, Hero of Another Story, The Sidekick, The Scrappy Ignored Expert,
Those Two Guys, The Chick, Supporting Protagonist
Hero, Creator's Pet
Race Black, Twofer's, Leomon Mexican Asian Indian/Native American Caucasian or The Same As The Writer
Gender Tough Girl, Ambiguous Gender, Feminine Man Male Token Girl Action Girl, Final Girl
Aesthetics Ugly Fat "Average" Fashionably Scarred The Cutie
Personality Nihilist, Crazy Survivalist, Innocent, Pragmatic Jerk Jock, The Ditz, Insufferable Genius Nerd, Jerk with a Heart of Gold The Captain, The Watson All-Loving Hero, Friend to All Living Things
Flaws Too Dumb to Live, Skeptical, Genre Blind, Dirty Coward, Greedy Fell astray, The Stoner, Butt-Monkey (gritty), Smartass Wears Glasses Crippling Phobia Mentally Handicapped
"Virtues" Holier Than Thou, Curious, Pragmatic, Ambitious Quiet Girls and Quiet Guys Smart, Genre Savvynote  Determinator The Pollyanna, The Fool
Species Robots (non-living), Undead, Snakes, Arthropods Cats, Clones, Mechanical Lifeforms Human, Human Aliens Pretty Aliens Dogs (except in literature) (or Disney)
Occupation Retiring Law Officer, Villain by Default, Happy Family Man, Competent secondary female Military Commander, Anyone Serving Under Him, Hero's Best Friend, Mentor Scientist With Questionable Ethics, Innocent Bystander Adventurer Archaeologist, Teacher Super Hero, Nun
Prognosis You Are Already Dead, Take a Moment to Catch Your Death, Post-Mortem One-Liner, Last Stand Your Days Are Numbered, Pre-Mortem One-Liner, You Shall Not Pass! Prepare to Die, He Didn't Make It, Time Bomb, Pre Ass Kicking One Liner, Jump Scare You Have No Chance to Survive, If My Calculations Are Correct Badass Boast, Million-to-One Chance, Ineffectual Death Threat
Health Chunky Salsa Rule, Incurable Cough of Death Overdrawn at the Blood Bank, Soap Opera Disease I Can Still Fight!, Made of Plasticine, Littlest Cancer Patient Made of Iron, Only a Flesh Wound, Ill Girl Nigh Invulnerable, Healing Factor, Consumption
  5 4 3 2 1
Pool predictions Killed Mid-Sentence Drop A Bridge On Him Sacrificial Lion, Stuffed into the Fridge Sacrificial Lamb, Dead Star Walking Plot Armor, The Worf Effect

Example Cast:

Series or Film NameDescription of who's who and why they're likely to snuff it.

  • Character A:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
  • Character B:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
  • Character C:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun

A Song of Ice and Fire


  • Age: Protagonist teens; 2
  • Sexual Orientation: Straight; 3
  • Role: The Hero; 1
  • Race: White; 1
  • Aesthetics: Hottest thing alive, 1
  • Personality: The Captain; 2
  • Virtues: Action Girl; 2
    • Final Score: 1.714. Maybe anyone can die, but Dany's sticking around for a while.

Now let's see a character most fans want to see very dead:

Ramsay Bolton

  • Age: single adult, though technically married: 3
  • Sexual Orientation: technically straight, 3
  • Role: Complete Monster, 5
  • Race: White, 1
  • Aesthetics: not an attractive guy. 5.
  • Personality: sadist. 4.
  • Flaws: Have I mentioned that he's a sadist? Also, too many others to count. 5
  • "Virtues": He's pretty pragmatic at torture. 5.
  • Species: Human. 3.
  • Occupation: Villain by default, 5
    • Final score: 39/10=3.9 - hope for the best

And everyone's favorite Affably Evil Littlefinger:

  • Age: single adult, 3
  • Sexual Orientation: straight, 3
  • Role: villain AND Obi-Wan, 5
  • Race: White, 1
  • Aesthetics: Average, 3
  • Personality: Magnificent Bastard, Manipulative Bastard, 4
  • Flaws: Megalomania, inferiority complex, greed. 5.
  • "Virtues": Smart, savvy, 3
  • Species: Human, 3
  • Occupation: Mentor and villain, 5
    • Final score: 35/10 = 3.5 - better chances than Ramsay Snow, but still has to be careful.

Jon Snow

  • Age: Protagonist teen, 2
  • Sexual Orientation: Straight despite attempts at celibacy, but reluctant due to his position, 2
  • Role: The hero of his story, 1
  • Race: White, 1
  • Aesthetics: Notably above average, so we'll say, 2
  • Personality: Flawed but still competent and good enough to be considered Messianic Archetype, 1
  • Flaws: Possibly Genre Blind considering his more idealist attitude in this Crapsack World, 5.
  • "Virtues": Pragmatic, Quiet, Smart, Determinator. Difficult to say, but we'll average him out and round up to a 3
  • Species: Human, 3
  • Occupation: Commander of the Watch, 4
    • Final Score: 24/10 = 2.4 - Better than Ramsay or Littlefinger, naturally, but not as good as Daenarys. He has cause to be concerned, especially considering what world he lives in. And, considering recent events, he may already be dead. Knowing Martin, Jon could go either way at this point.


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