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Miscellaneous Comics

  • The life-size Britney Spears doll from the untitled Guava Guava Kristmas Klassic ("Change its diaper every hour, or else it dies!") seems pretty funny, unless you feel sick of Britney Spears bashing.
  • "Awesome Blossom"'s surprisingly accurate depiction of life in the year 2000 includes Blossom encountering a foul-mouthed Weeble.
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  • Also, the parts where "Awesome Blossom" resorts to recycling Star Wars clips a la Muppet Babies.
  • The Head Executive receives a letter requesting that Peter Paltridge review a Spider-Man comic about a subject that the Executive censors over with the word, "DELETED"note . Mary Jane becomes disgusted after discovering Spidey did a story about this, even though he claims it was for a good cause, so he tries to assure her, "I swear, I've only ever gotten deleted for you!"
  • One of the Kimwon features that Vess MacMeal's husband discovers in "Vess MacMeal Starring in: The More You Know!" involves acting as a steering wheel. An ad appearing over the wheel causes him to crash into a tree, but fortunately, the Kimwon can call 911... the ambulance driver crashes into a pole while using a Kimwon to drive to the accident site, but at least that Kimwon can also call 911!
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  • From the last page of "Vess MacMeal...", Kim Jong Il revealing, "The Kimwon is made of people!" and the way Vess, her husband, and Junior respond.

Articles

History Channel Department

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Interactive Entertainment Celebration Section

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People Section

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Hollywoodland

  • Peter begins "Eulogy for Alf" by saying he originally planned to write a tribute to the then-recently deceased Ed McMahon, but considered changing it to a Farrah Fawcett tribute after she died, but ultimately, he knew he had to write something about ALF's death. After going through a lengthy and fabricated account of Alf's rise and fall, Paltridge announces he suddenly heard that one more celebrity passed away: Billy Mays, who he then calls the biggest loss of them all.
  • The comments Peter makes in his Aladdin: The Return of Jafar review about the occasionally ghastly animation.
    [Jasmine]'s fully in the right to distort her face to Spumco proportions...
  • When Marie Osmond shows up in the Walt Disney TV special reviewed in "Walt Disney: One Man's Nightmare", Peter decides to share a theory about the fact she lacks visible signs of aging:
    Either she entered that pact with the woman from Death Becomes Her and swallowed her potion, or she's a robot. Which one is more plausible? Well, that woman doesn't exist, so....the robot, of course.
  • "Love is Hard" fabricates a scenario about an ordinary man desiring a donut, but having several obstacles prevent him from reaching it. The article compares the donut to the Spider-Man Trilogy incarnation of Mary Jane Watson, defined mainly by Peter Parker's desire for her. To apply the analogy to Spider-Man 3, the story of the man and the donut takes this direction once he finally has it in his possession:
    So before eating the donut, the man runs out for a few minutes, and then comes back with a horrible haircut and an emo attitude. "You've changed, Gerald! I don't want you to eat me anymore!" says the donut, and rolls off the plate and out his apartment door. The tension is sort of back, but it's not the same. And we still don't know anything about the donut, or why it just talked now, or if it was sentient all this time.

  • From his review of Chico and the Man:
    • Peter comments that being a matador is just as big of a part of Spain's culture as eating spaghetti, crime and stomping on turtle shells, before realizing that he's confusing Spain for Italy.
    • Some of Peter's reactions to the ads on the tape:
      • When discussing a Toys R Us commercial, Peter comments "Geoffrey soon lost his family in a tragic Cabbage Patch Doll sale stampede."
      • Peter comments on the end of the Rhodes commercial, where the parents decide to leave the house because their kids love the bread they made, has Peter comment "Yes, if you want to abandon your family, Rhodes is the BRAND to BUY!".
      • Peter comments on how useless it would be to buy the game Memory, since one could make the same game using cheaper materials.
      • Peter blames Popeye for starting live-action adaptations of works not suited for that format, including How the Grinch Stole Christmas!.

Stupid Kid Show Area

"Wait a minute.....Alex Borstein? ALEX BORSTEIN??!?!? WHAT????"
  • From "Errors In Corporate Judgement":
    • The title of the page itself is "This is the froggiest webpage ever!".
    • Peter revealing that when people complained to Disney Adventures about their article on the Nerd Hall Of Fame'', they didn't take it seriously, instead thanking the readers for nominating the writers as canidates.
    • Peter recalls seeing a Public Service Announcement in which a man dressed as a dinosaur rapped about recycling.
    • Peter apologizes for stealing images from X-Entertainment in the section that talked about PSAs by saying that he doesn't have the ability to make TV screens magically appear.
    • Peter ends the article by saying that "Froggy" is official slang on his website.

Educational Rockin' Fun Zone

  • The stories Peter makes up in "Seven Failed Brand Crossovers" about the origins and failures of Cosmopolitan Yogurt and Clairol Touch of Yogurt Shampoo.
  • From "The Top 5 Most Annoying Christmas Carols":
    • When Peter describes how the ending to "The Little Drummer Boy" is predictable, he says be would prefer an ending in which Jesus gets mad at the titular character.
    • Peter's reaction to the "War is over" part of "So This Is Christmas" is that it was caused by John Lennon's hormones.
    • Peter believes SNL should make a cartoon mocking Yoko Ono simply because of the "War is over" part of the song.
    • When Peter describes what he does whenever the song "The Christmas Shoes" comes on, one of the things he says is that he blows up supermarkets because of the song playing on the PA system.
    • Peter giving hypothetical scenarios about people's reactions to "The Christmas Shoes", all of which wind up causing something bad to happen.

Surfin' the Web Section

Psychiatry Zone

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Things To Do While You're Bored Division

  • The implication in the "Spring 1984" installment of The Ancient Lost Art of TV Guide Advertising of the network television premieres of Time Bomb and Alien becoming Tainted by the Preview, written in a manner that would almost make the reader wonder whether or not Peter accidentally switched the ads' captions.
    (below the Time Bomb promo) ONE of these ads is for one of the most famous and well-directed suspense thrillers of all time.
    (below the Alien promo) The other is an ad for a cheesy cheap TV movie.
    If you knew nothing about either, and had to pick based on these two ads....which one would you end up picking? Be honest.
  • When Peter reaches Amy and the Angel in his gallery of ABC Afterschool Special advertisements, he admits that he recalls seeing another movie with the exact same plot, except that Kermit the Frog played the lead character. (He reviewed that movie a few years earlier.)

The Section Only I Will Care About Reading

  • The Garfield and Friends Supapage!:
    • Peter's comments about some of the ads that ran during the original broadcasts of Garfield and Friends.
      • Peter's description of the commercial for Magic Potty Baby.
      • Peter saying that putting the characters of The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys in an ad campaign would take off faster than saying "THEY GOT A PEPPER BAR!", referencing Quizno's Spongmonkeys advertising campaign that went on around the time the article was published.
      • When Peter gets to Rollerblade Barbie and talks about how it got recalled, he starts off by saying it was pulled from shelves because she was still stupid. He later makes a comment that girls made the doll catch on fire by making the doll skate near objects such as hairspray, gasoline and gassy men.

Thing Where the Totally Rad Videos Go

Interviews!

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Lair of Alternate Projects

Other People's Cartoons

  • The caption used in "The Perils of Lois, Part II" for issue #192 of Superman's Girl Friend, Lois Lane:
    Superman (on cover): Yes, Lana...it's true! I killed Lois Lane!
    Lana Lang (in caption): "You...you killed Lois? ......Does this mean you're free Saturday?"
  • "Sabrinas Through Time III" makes the following comment about a part of the Sabrina the Teenage Witch pilot missing from Peter's recording:
    I've been informed that after Libby became human again, she swore to tell everyone what a freak Sabrina was and left. Evidently she still didn't get completely clued in or she would have bowed at their feet from this point.
  • In the Worst Comix Ever review of the Pokémon comic, he spoofs the "Can you find (Pokemon)?" gag by placing Katy Perry in one of the comics.

Dark TV Vault


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