Funny / Joueur du Grenier

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    Joueur du Grenier reviews 

  • Sword of Sodan on Sega Genesis.
    JdG: That's it. In my ass. "Sword of Sodan"? More like "Sword of Sodomy"...
    • The episode ends with him burying the cartridge with the Seven Dwarfs' song playing.
  • From the Total Recall review.
  • "Gudis, 120,000 tons! Well, damn, pal, this is about 12 times the weight of the Eiffel Tower!"
  • "Oh, what the fuck is that? I'm chased by a walking Big Mac?!"
  • About Jurassic Park: Trespasser: "Why, among three billion women, the only one who happened to land on the island is a nutcase who keeps hearing voices and has fucking Chelsea buns for hands???"
  • The whole intro of the Batman & Robin review:
    JdG: (with a The Dark Knight Trilogy Batman voice) I remember that day. That movie. This is where everything began. I had never seen such a piece of crap! (shot of the cinema screen showing an advertising for a movie titled "Such a Piece of Crap") But I digress, for the worst in that evening was still the movie. It was outrageous. I couldn't believe my eyes... or something like that. And in their madness, a game was created with that movie! This was the day I decided to become a legend, a symbol for society, and to have an exaggeratedly deep voice! *cough* I became... er.... (various animals, including a spider, ducks and a wolf pass; eventually he seems to decides himself) I am... DUCK-MAN! The retro video game reviewer!
  • The dubbing of the dying scorpion, in the Excalibur 2555 A.D. review.
  • When adressing the problem that the speed in Road Runner's Death Valley Rally forces you to go slowly, which goes completely against the idea of the Road Runner character, he imagines a Mario game where you can't jump without dying:
    (imagines Mario jumping and hurting himself)
    Mario: Mamma Mia, I broke my leg!
    Luigi: Mamma Mia, Mario, you fell down! Here, take this mushroom!
    Mario: But I don't want a mushroom, you asshole, I broke my fucking leg! Go get me a doctor!
    JdG: Well, that would be pretty original...
  • JdG puts in a game. The Infogrames logo appears. JdG emits a brief girly shriek.
  • His own abridged version of Yu-Gi-Oh!.
  • His parody of what a typical episode of Pokémon is like, with One Piece figurines as the characters, Godzilla as Pikachu, and a potato as the Pokémon that Team Rocket is trying to steal. It gets even funnier when Fridge Brilliance kicks in and you realize who "plays" who: Luffy is Ash, Nami is Misty, Sanji is Brock, and Robin, a former villain, is a Team Rocket member.
  • The Sustained Misunderstanding from the Platoon review, where he read it as Platon. Then this happens.
    Seb/Plato: Time is the moving image of unmoving eternity.
    (aims a shotgun at the screen)
    *BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM*
    JdG: Plato: Philosophy IN YOUR FACE.
  • From the James Bond Jr. video, he explains how awesome the My Little Pony game on GBA is, like going around talking to ponies, dressing up your pony so you can pimp her out on the sidewalks of the Rainbow City, keep a caterpillar in the air as long as you can... then he snaps out of it.
  • After explaining that the point of the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality was to prevent anybody from creating crappy or weird-ass games, he cuts to the 8-bit porn game Custer's Revenge and quips "Can't wait for the Kinect remake".
  • The episode about RPGs:
    • The intro, which gives us a hilarious parody of the Skyrim trailer:
      Old Wise Man's offscreen voice: The crappy games are already here. The legend told of their return. They could destroy the world... but there is one they fear; his foul language already defeated many games. His name is Joueur du Grenier; Swearborn!
      JdG: (dressed like the Dragonborn, screaming like if he was shouting) SON OF A BITCH!
    • Seb, dressed as a smith, complains that he lost his only hammer... While holding one, and wearing a toolbelt full of hammers. Even better, when JdG does the (implied to be incredibly hard) quest to get the hammer back, the reward turns out to be... a hammer.
  • The Captain Planet review starts with a echoey woman's voice saying, "It all started when the five Great rings were forged" set to The Lord of the Rings music. "One was given to the gingers, whose spots were only equalled by their missing souls. One was given to the race of the bimboes, evil creatures who—" *Record Needle Scratch*
  • During the review of Toilet Tycoon (in which you can build golden or emerald toilet bowls with silk or mink fur toilet paper):
    JdG: Argh, it's cold... Ouch, I just cut myself with the emerald toilets! Yuck, the paper is full of hairs, it's gross!
  • The Disney games review:
    • All of the songs are hilariously silly.
    • Shortly after one of these, there's a Shout-Out to The Lion King:
      Seb: You see Grenier, everything that basks in the light will be yours, one day.
      JdG: (beat) No shit, that's my house.
      Seb: One day, it will be yours.
    • In the Beauty and the Beast video game, he mentions that to go to a section you have to charm Gaston to do the job for you. Or has he put it, playing the tease, leading to that:
      JdG: This generation of whores is brought to you by Disney.
      Girl: I'm a princess, bitch.
  • From the Anti-Terror Force review:
    • There's his reaction to the oddly unfitting Game Over theme, which could totally work as a segue theme in girly shows like Hélène et les Garçons.
    • On the topic of unfitting music, he also mentions how strange it is that the music, on top of that, changes randomly whenever the player shoots an enemy, which leads to a parody of a commercial for MAIF (a French insurance company).
    • Earlier, after encountering a strange glitch:
      JdG: Whoa, shit, my arms went on their own, I guess I wasn't supposed to move during the cutscene. Sorry, my bad!
    • Very early into the video, JdG talks with a villain played by Doug Walker over the phone. When the villain asks if JdG remembers what happened six episodes ago, and JdG answers that he doesn't, the villain replies, "Well then, I'll remember it... so you don't have to!" Both them and Seb then wink repeatedly at the camera.
    • The Stinger to the video: a random dance number with JdG, Seb, Bob Lennon, Doug Walker, and several other French webtesters.
  • From the game sequels episode:
    • When discussing how Alex Kidd in High-Tech World has nothing to do with its predecessors, he says that it would be like putting Kratos in a Professor Layton game. Cue still-shots of Kratos winning a puzzle in the same manner as in a Layton game, complete with grunting at the end.
    • Later, as he mentions how ridiculous it is to get a Game Over by simply putting on a piece of armor, he imagines himself putting on the Pegasus armor Saint Seiya-style, before falling flat on his face because of its weight.
    • When he remembers how he got Alex Kidd in High-Tech World, it cuts to a flashback where he is given the game by The Grim Reaper himself. After he leaves, he stays silent for a while, then says "Sweet, a free game!"
  • From the second Fighting Games episode:
    • About Street Fighter I...
      JdG: On the other hand, against another player, once you have mastered the Hadoken technique, well, it's fine, you've won, because every hit takes away half of the lifebar.
      Of course, when I say "mastered", in truth I mean: "when by sheer luck you manage to pull out one after having sexually assaulted your cabinet for several minutes."
      (shows Seb doing exactly that)
      JdG: At least, from the back it's what it looks like.
      Seb: HEY!
      JdG: It's a voiceover, you're not supposed to have heard that.
      Seb: Ah, okay.
    • "Fighting your... kebab-selling clone from Namek."
    • JdG imagining what Ken Bogard would be like if commenting Street Fighter I.
      Ken Bogard: And it starts, Tiger Knee and then... end.
    • The whole Panty Fighter segment:
      • "Warning: the next few minutes feature scantily-clad women, so the next ten seconds will be of me eating applesauce so young children and feminists can leave. (beat, doing exactly that) You're still here, aren't you."
      • I wonder how they did the ads for this game. "Do you like tuning music? Do you like tits? Do you like Greek Mythology? Then Bikini Karate Babes is made for you!"
      • Suggestive noises can be heard, like a rapid "flapping" sound (Seb dealing cards one at a time really fast) or zippers (one of the guys zipping up his sweater). Then another zipper is heard, and this time it's not a sweater (during the game where you fight with construction vehicles)...
    • This little exchange, as they're reviewing a game called "Fatman" in Japan :
      Usul; Fatman? That's the secret identity of Fruce Wayne! (gets a cat thrown on his face)
  • Superman 64, Aquaman and Batman Forever games review:
  • The Home Alone game review:
    • It starts with a scene where Seb runs to a con, and forgets to bring Fred (the eponymous Joueur du Grenier) along. Fred initially decides that he doesn't need any help or cameos to review games, and starts filming himself, while holding Seb's mike and headphones. He goes back on his word really quickly, and gets a talking sock named Jean-Louis to help him. Cut to Seb at the con, clutching his heart:
      Seb: Urgh, I suddenly feel terribly insulted... Oh, never mind, it's just a heart attack! (smiles as he falls over and passes out)
    • While reviewing the NES game, he mentions the Unfortunate Implications with two grown men running after a little boy to people who haven't seen the film. He adds a scary music to the burglars actually catching up with Kevin, transitioning into the game's Game Over screen with a Big "NO!".
      JdG: (with an awkward, frozen smile) No, I'm not gonna make that joke.
      Jean-Louis: Can I make it then?
      JdG: No!
    • Though he does end up making one later, when he mentions how ridiculously fast the enemies are compared to the player:
      JdG: (with Psycho Strings) Run, kid! Run for your life! Run for your ass!
  • The second RPG episode:
    • "Video game RPGs are obviously superior to pen-and-paper RPGs, due to not needing to learn the rules, or gather the players, or have friends..."
    • Virtual Hydlide: "As fun to play as someone farting in your mouth in Slo Mo."
    • Watch Fred fall apart as he realizes his character suffers an encumbrance penalty due to carrying too much gold. Then keeps dying of hunger. Then deal no damage due to not getting enough sleep. Sounds like your average Rogue Like, only someone got all proportions wrong when mixing the recipe.
    • The LOTR game has a sequence where Artificial Stupidity is highlighted first by switching the music from the full-orchestral version of The Lord of the Rings theme to a kazoo cover, then with the incredibly apt "Entrance of the Gladiators".
    • Wizard Seb trying to convince Bob Lennon to help Fred and him... by rubbing money all over his face.
      Bob: Mmmh, your magic is powerful, wizard. I'll help you.
      (beat as Seb keeps rubbing money on Bob's face anyway)
      Bob: Alright, you can stop no— (gets money shoved inside his mouth)
  • Instruments of Chaos Starring... Young Indiana Jones review:
    • Grenier's denial:
      JdG: And if you happen to be young one and haven't seen [the Indiana Jones movies] yet, then just give up on this video and go watch them right now, I authorize you, it's really one of the best ever trilogy of cinema.
      Seb: Quadrilogy.
      (JdG fires a hand cannon)
      JdG: You'll have to cut my balls with rusty shears drenched in vinegar before I'd admit that the fourth movie is part of the saga!
    • The scorpion sound-effect guy makes a reappearance.
    • "I'm still wondering which button does what and the game's already terraforming my asshole!"
  • The Valentine's Day special:
    • The obvious replacement of February for March.
    • This porn games review lets you know what you're in for when the intro sequence has a girl and tentacles behind a tree.
    • "Mashed potato attack! Mashed potato attack, god fucking damnit!"
    • The various "bros" cutaways.
    • The Brad Stallion game. JdG ends up having to take a Shower of Angst after part of the game involves screwing a sheep.
      (Sexophone starts playing)
      JdG: Lord, forgive me for what I'm about to do.
      (Relax-o-Vision starts playing over his screams)
    • The Long List of porn games (set to an instrumental version of Billy Joel "We Didn't Start the Fire"), which abruptly ends when JdG is arrested by a cop in the middle of a sentence.
  • Takeshi's Challenge:
    • The video is also a parody of various anime and manga tropes, so the intro and various sequences are done this way and are glorious to watch. Grenier making a dramatic gesture in goggles and a swimcap may cause you to lose your ability to breathe.
    • The live-action scenes where Grenier beats the shit out of his family.
    • The beat as the game freezes when "stare" is used.
    • This quote near the end:
      JdG: I've killed my children, beat my wife, quit my job, fought yetis, skeletons, pirates, blue pizzas, pink scorpions, flying armadillos, will-o-wisps, but I will finish this piece of shit!
    • The massive buildup as everyone encourages him to finally finish the game... and the A Winner Is You moment that follows... and the You Suck message after it.
  • Cool World games review:
    • The extended HAHAHA–No scene at the beginning.
    • This analogy for non-standard control schemes:
      JdG: It's like ass-fucking your own cousin: technically it's not illegal, but you just don't do it.
    • There is an enemy that requires precise timing and placement to defeat, which is made difficult by its tiny size. Fred finds a Giant Mook version, comments that at least this one is easier to hit... and it splits into four of the tiny ones.
    • The Dance Dance Revolution Bonus Stage that requires miming using a vacuum cleaner.
    • "And, when it's full, you have to empty the pen (In French, "le pen" sounds exactly like the name of a notorious family of extreme right-wing politicians). (Beat). Okay, from now on, I'll say 'stylo'." (a French word for "pen"). Seconds later, "...so you have to empty your stylo... yep, that still sounds gross."
    • "I'M ON MY PERIOD !" when, in the movie, the building on wich Holli is atop is dripping blood.
  • Terminator:
    • After failing to get John Connor to follow him, he realizes that, you have to activate an option in the pause menu to do so:
      John Connor: Oh Terminator, did you came to save me?
      JdG/Terminator: No.
      (cue Fake Credits)
    • Said fake credits include, as special thanks, Rule 34, Vladimir Putin, and Kurumi Imari (a character of the infamous Hentai series Bible Black).
    • "So, you can find John Connor's address in the phone book (which makes sense) or in a 45-year-old biker's pocket (which also makes sense but is disgusting)."
    • The creepy smile on the Terminator after he saves more than 2000 lives.
    • Realizing that you don't have to shoot civilians (which gets the mallcops to shoot you) despite walking around with a gun permanently out:
      I AM NOT DANGEROUS
    • "Most movies about time travel tell you to watch out for the butterfly effect.... But here? FUCK DA FUTURE" (cue Stuff Blowing Up to the 1812 Overture)
    • When young Fred is considering picking up the Genesis controller again, music from The Lord Of The Ring plays, and black speech is heard... turns out it's adult Fred whispering from off-camera.
  • The Batman Dark Tomorrow / X-Men (Nes) episode :
    • The hurricane of bird-related puns at the start of the episode. After a while Fred-as-Duckman goes "okay, now that this is done..."
    • Grenier having to shout his review of Spiderman because of the atrociously loud music.
    • The ending is a actually a multiple choice one, as a Riddler-knockoff tells Duckman and Night Eagle (Duckman's new colleague) a riddle, and the viewer has to answer. The riddle itself is a callback to the running gag about Night Eagle's species. Pick "Golden Eagle" (the wrong answer) and Night Eagle will lecture you about the differences between the two species.note  Pick "Bald Eagle" (the correct answer) and he'll read you poetry about the bird. However, let the video play without answering... And Fred will step up and answer Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet. Cue Night Eagle making a lecture about the differences between the bald eagle and the french politician...
    • At one point, Duckman and Night Eagle end up in what actually is a laser tag game, and start fighting the Riddler's goons. No wait, something's wrong...
    The Riddler : What the hell are you doing, you maniacs ! Those aren't my men, those are 8th-graders ! *Duckman and Night Eagle keep on their rampage*
  • X-Perts:
    • "They decide to form an alliance which will have as a name the first letters of each country [Japan, Netherlands, United States]: JANUS." — Record Needle Scratch. Cue Seb as the representatives of the three countries looking at each others, with the Dutch one asking "Is it too late to change the name?"
    • "The combat is so stiff I wouldn't say it's been coded by someone with a broom up his ass but by the broom itself!"
    • Fred complaining about how long it takes one of the female characters to deal with one of the enemies (which he believes is a vacuum cleaner) since she should know how to handle one. *beat* Because she's an engineer.
  • FMV Games:
    • The Framing Device of the video is that it's a video game made by Mauvais Jeux Inc.
    JdG: Why make a video game out of my videos?
    Seb!CEO: Because we think your universe deserves to be expanded to a new medium, and it would be interesting to...
    Jdg: It's for the money, isn't it?
    CEO: It's for the money.
    • The CEO and his shareholders are (as usual) all played by Seb.
    Jd G: I feel like you all look the same.
    Ceo: That's racist, sir.
    Jd G: I'm not going to finish this game. At least, not on camera.
    • His game over in the cop simulator where an old woman always kills his S.W.A.T officer. And where your superior yells at you if you skip the cutscenes.
      • And after the (unbearably long) training sessions, the cutscenes become flat out unskippable. Jd G replies with triple-bird-flipping, before interrupting the superior's (once again unbearably long) briefing with this jaunty little tune.note 
  • Beat them up:
    • Fred plays a game called Ninja Clown and wonders what a real ninja clown looks like. Cut to a scene in a dojo where a clown dressed like a ninja sneaks up on another ninja and strangles him with an inflatable balloon.
    • The intro is a parody of Emmett's morning routine... But twisted in a very mean spirited way : upon waking up, Jd G insults everything and everyone he meets (up to his roof and ceiling), eats cat food with long gone milk, goes in his car and changes the radio's station so he gets a song called "everything is awful" ("Cool ! My favourite song !"), drives to work while flipping the bird to everybody, and gets a ticket. All of this while sporting an epic shit-eating grin.
  • The 6th-gen console features his tutorial on how to play Drake of the 99 Dragons. Then switching to a Play of the Game video, playing "Die. DIE. DIE." while eliminating: a chandelier, a flowerpot, a glass ceiling, the guy standing on the glass ceiling, "enemy hit by sheer chance", "enemy I wasn't even aiming at", and "skill".
  • The famicom games episode :
    • While playing "Hana no Star Kaidou", he starts describing the various enemies in the game, such as bicycle-riding men, groupies... And then he stops when he sees that one is an incredibly racist caricature of a black man. A "dangerous joke" sign suddenly flies over him, missing his head by a few inches.
    Jd G: Wow, I'm glad I dodged that one !
    • Later, he actually reaches the end of the game... And the ending credits begin with "Show up you gays !". The "dangerous joke" sign once again misses him.
    • The Sophisticated as Hell moment that show up when Jd G tells us that, as he was playing "Super Monkey Daibouken", he stumbled upon an easter egg taking the form of a hidden text written in japanese that he got translated. Said message is then read with a smoothing voice by Seb, over a rather relaxing music, upon images of the "developer" who put the easter eggnote  reading a book, cleaning his glasses, sipping a glass of wine... The message is about how the developer loves pussies and wants to have sex with perverted women.

    Joueur du Grenier specials 

  • At the start of the video game cartoons special, he mentions how he didn't have time to cover every cartoon/anime he knew in his previous special, like The Animals of Farthing Wood; however, his description of it is interrupted by a brutal cut to the hedgehogs' deaths, run over by a truck (albeit edited to be much gorier). He then looks at the camera with a shocked and speechless expression.
  • The girly cartoons special:
    • His reaction to Hashizo from Ai Shite Night getting slapped is hilarious. The whole fucking world rejoices.
    • A little while later, when he finds out that this same manga got a live-action adaptation in Italy:
      JdG: My god... Oh my god... What have we done? (empties a jerrycan of gasoline all over himself)
      Seb: Hey, wait, don't you still have a few cartoons left to review?
      JdG: What's the next one?
      Seb: Um, I think it's Lady Georgie!
      JdG: (frantically tries to light up a match)
    • "JAAAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"
    • "So, you take the four pinkest and cutest anime ever, what would happen?" Answer: Tentacles! "JAAAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"
  • There's a ton in his boys' shows special, but to name a few:
    • There's "Colissimo no Densetsu", a fake anime about mail delivering that parodies some Shonen animes' tendency to overexaggerate mundane stuff. It gets funnier in hindsight when you realize a manga about mail delivering actually does exist!
    • There's also his reaction to the Sudden Downer Ending of the first season of Magical Princess Minky Momo, especially the morbidly funny version of the anime's French theme song, played right after the main character is run over.
    • He also mocks an over-the-top scene in Mister Ajikko by making the main character's meal so delicious it actually summons Shenron.
      Shenron: (in an ominous voice) Who just cooked a kickass meal?
    • As he's introducing the subject of the video...
      JdG: In short, you get the point, after the girls' shows special, it's time for the boys' shows special.
      Seb: You mean Hentais?
      (cut to a rather risqué clip involving a girl getting assaulted and screaming all the way)note 
      JdG: (without changing his facial expression) Erm, no.
    • When mentioning how irresponsible the M.A.S.K. agents are for basically dropping whatever they're doing on the spot whenever they are summoned, they cut to a fake clip featuring a firefighter in the middle of saving people. The firefighter instantly drops the person he's saving and leaves as soon as he gets the alert. It's made even better by the famous Wilheim scream.
    • As he notes that the G.I. Joe cartoon can be pretty stupid at times, he cuts to a clip of the actual show, showing the team making themselves a makeshift spacesuit with plastic trash bags, a fish bowl, and cans of soda for propulsion. He then quips:
      JdG: Tomorrow kids, with a plastic lung, some semi-thick whipped cream and a VHS tape of Speed 2, we will travel through time!
  • From the superheroes special:
    • On Captain Planet's Very Special Episode about drugs, after the blonde girl's cousin slips drugs in her taco:
      JdG: No really, I don't get it, what reason could there possibly be for a guy to give drugs to his attractive, blonde cousin?
      (ten seconds of Death Glare in absolute silence)
      JdG: ...You sicken me.
    • DRUUUUUUUUUUGS!!!
    • After watching the Japanese TV adaptation of Spider-Man, JdG is so pissed and annoyed that instead of summing it up, he goes outside and slaps a young Japanese woman.
    • During the Batman: The Movie review, the bat-ladder scene (at 12:49):
      JdG: They decide to jump on [the boat] using the ladder that—
      Seb: No! The bat-ladder.
      JdG: It's only a ladder as you can plainly see. (close-up on the "bat ladder" label)
      (JdG is speechless as Seb nods)
    • Then there's the reaction to the stupid and... strange way Batman and Robin were saved from an incoming torpedo at sea: a porpoise got in its way and was killed instead of the heroes, all of that offscreen. Everybody is horrified, including the scriptwriter, who shoots himself.
      JdG: Back to the shore, Batman phones the admiral to know if he has sold a submarine recently. (beat) A porpoise?!
    • The increasingly stupid Bat Deductions that cause Batman to drop in rank from the best detective in the world to a worse detective than Columbo, Inspector Gadget, and even Scooby-Doo.
  • From the sports cartoons special:
    • As he's talking about Attacker You!, he mentions how the main character, though remembered as a cute young girl, is actually a Jerkass. When she harshly and loudly reminds her adopted six-year old brother that they're not really siblings...
      JdG: I am not your sister! Your parents are dead, you got that?! Because of you!
    • At the end of the episode, he mentions that she does have a redeeming quality: she stood up against her coach and his abusive manners to protect the other girls in the team, which means she's not so bad after all.... Cut to a clip of her threatening to drop her brother from high atop a building, to persuade him to learn how to swim.
      JdG: All right, never mind, she's a bitch.
  • The second FAQ video:
    • There's a blooper where a cat is heard meowing during a take. He rolls with it.
      JdG: Shut up, the temp. Shut up.
      Cat: Meow.
      JdG: (exact same tone) Shut up, the cat. Shut up.
    • The whole episode has him answering weird and/or stupid questions in equally weird and/or stupid ways. When someone asks him what the best kebab joint near JdG's house is, he responds by doing an elaborate and cheesy spoof commercial for his favorite local fast food, complete with techno music in the background.
    • Later, someone asks him when's dinner. Cut to a grinning JdG pulling a kebab out of nowhere while the same techno music plays.
  • From the TV commercials special:
    • The whole part where JdG is breaking down from a commercial where two men are singing about giving a "certain surprise" to one of the men's wife. Starting with the reveal of the "certain surprise".
      JdG: Alright, just for a moment. What do you think this ad is talking about? What will he pull out of his desk? A jewel? Clothes? Perfume? A noodle necklace?
      (the man pulls out toilet paper, they continue singing)
      (the screen goes back to a panicked JdG, with the words "WARNING SHADY GUY" blinking while an alarm is blaring)
    • The part where he is imagining giving TP to his girlfriend.
      JdG: Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.
      JdG's girlfriend: This is nice! I love taking a shit!
    • And the breakdown itself.
      JdG: Dammit, stop talking about your wives' shit, especially you Clark Kent, I don't know you but you don't have a wife and if you did, you look like the guy who killed her and ate her! And then, I don't know your wives and the last thing I want is imagining my girlfriend taking a dump and... for fuck's sake, stop trying to make a musical about something which main use is to wipe your ass with!
    • Also, this little bit of Toilet Humour:
      Commercial Guy 1: I have heard that you received a new one?note 
      Commercial Guy 2: Yes, my wife is trying it right now!
      Commercial Guy 2's wife (Off-Screen): Yeah, it works a charm ! (Loud farting/diarrhea noises) Holy shit, this stinks! (giggles)
      ** When mentioning how the Santa's Hotline number in France kept changing, he wonders why and tries to call him...
      Santa: Ho ho ho, hi there, this is Santa Claus! I'm in the North Pole, but I can't talk to you for too long, because those bad guys at the FBI will triangulate my positio—
      (police sirens and helicopter sounds)
      Santa: Go fuck yourselves already! You'll never get me alive, ya assholes! And hands off my sleigh!
      (we hear him cocking and shooting with a shotgun, then laughing again)
    • The entirety of the Super Moses commercial. Complete with Large Ham announcer, bad dialogue, and horrible, horrible puns.
      Je vais ouvrir ta mer en deux! (Gonna split your sea/your mother in half!)
      Tu vas en bouffer, de la terre promise! (You're gonna bite the promised dust!)
      Le plus grand de tous les Hébreux! (the greatest Hebrew of them all!)
  • When the TMNT concert goes "backstage", he notes that the guitar has only one note and the others are making random movements with their instruments... and proceeds to demonstrate what it would actually sound like.
  • The video announcing their second channel ends with them asking you to subscribe, playing the "Twelve Days" song from the Turtles special until you do. Then other links pop up: "Meet girls in your area" (Fred in a Hakune Mitsu wig), "Increase your Penis" (Robotnik), and "Free Money". The final line as they get increasingly exasperated is "Will you click already!?!"
  • The "toy-advertising series" special :
    • After saying he likes Beyblade's opening, he starts singing his own version... With lyrics like "BUY ! MY CRAP !" in the chorus.
    • He's pretty annoyed by the tendencies bad guys in such series have to run away after losing a match to the heroes, even if they could easily physically subdue them.
      JdG/Hero: Ha! I've beaten you! You can't do anything now!
      Seb/Bad Guy: (pulls out a switchblade)
      JdG\Hero: Oh. Right. You can do that.
    • Later there is a scene where the bad guy's goons are pointing spinning tops at the protagonist like they were about to shoot him with Beyblade. He simply stares with a "really?" face at the screen.
    • JdG casually mentions that during their duel, a dragon and a phoenix pulled themselves out of the hero's and his rival's tops. He doesn't comment on it, just continues with his review and mock another scene that happens later, and THEN finally reacts to this.
    • When discussing Jem and the Holograms, he's absolutely shocked that the heroin reacts so casually to the creepy hologram which just materialized in her room and told her to follow her.
      JdG: (leaning towards the camera) SHOULDN'T YOU ASK YOURSELF A FEW QUESTIONS!?
    • This leads to a skit where the Grim Reaper comes claiming Jerrica's soul... Who just shrugs and cheerfully proclaims "well, what are we waiting for?"
  • The drama/live action special :
    • Fred is absolutely amazed by the bad guy from The Prince of Tennis drama, more especially his ability to make every girl around him shut up just by snapping his fingers. He tries to do the same with his girlfriend, who's in the middle of a rant about him not doing the dishes. It doesn't work.
    • The other Card-Carrying Villain purposefully hurting the hero's legs.
      Referee Seb: So, I checked the rule...
    • The Sailor Moon drama starts with Artemis dropping on Minako and turning her into Sailor V, which the young girl takes in very broad strikes. Fred then quips "So, of course, no questions shall be asked..." — a very, VERY long list of questions blares through the screen at high speed:
      ''Is that an alien? Should I run? How can a cat talk? Why isn't its mouth moving while it was talking? What was I doing alone on a roof on Christmas Eve? Why a sailor suit? I'm 23. Why is that skirt so short? I'm cold now! Why must I run after criminals? Why must I run after criminals in high heels? That's impractical! Is that black magic? Am I drunk or did Uncle Henry drug me again? Is it a male or a female? If it's a male, does this mean it posed its balls on my face?
    • Usagi decides to help her friends by... throwing a fire extinguisher at the bad guy. This leads Fred to wonder why did Sailor Moon never used some mundane solution to her problems more often.
      Sorina-chan/Sailor Moon: You've been really bad! So, in the name of the Moon, I will (pulls out a gun, suddenly takes a gravelly voice) kill you.
    • As the bad guys perform a magic trick on Usagi, one of the henchwoman suddenly pulls out a radish which has a... Very interesting shape. Of course, Fred slaps the Brazzers logo on the still shot.
    • And as Usagi keeps the radish all throughout the following scene, Fred constantly asks her to drop it, culminating with "The fight is over ! Drop that radish now, what do you even want to do with it — DON'T ANSWER THAT."
    • Usagi receives her magic items, one of which is a long, cylindrical object. We hear vibrating as soon as it's off-camera... and Fred picks up his phone.
  • Mocking Dragon Ball Evolution High School as a student having to explain what causes an eclipse.
    Seb as teacher: That's good Jonathan, let's applaud him, here you earned a gold star.
    • Later, he's baffled by the film's decision to add unnecessary moves to the kamehameha, despite the original pose being very simple and very iconic. He illustrates his rant with a skit featuring him as Vegeta, charging up his Final Flash... And suddenly dancing the macarena while he's still charging his attack.

    Papy Grenier 

  • The "GoldenEye" Papy Grenier is full of them:
    • The live-action split-screen of "slappers only" multiplayers takes the cake.
    • "In fact, now that I think about it, it was strange. Everything exploded! The chairs, the furniture, the desk lamps, even the plastic toy cars blew up when you shot them! It's as if Michael Bay was working for IKEA!"
    • The third-person view of Bond dancing around Natalya.
    • "But you're too young to understand weapons, you'll have to wait until high school for that."
    • "Violence between friends is something you can't explain, you have to live it for yourself." With the Flower Duet played over two "friends" shooting each other with shit-eating grins.
  • The entire Papy Grenier episode about Zelda. One of the highlights focuses on the Deku Tree (here wearing a wig to remain anonymous) and the Unfortunate Implications behind his making little boys enter his body, where there's an entire dungeon, complete with spiders, and nuts to collect. This gets the attention of a policeman, who comes to arrest him, leading to...
    Deku Tree: You'll never get me alive!
    (beat, during which he realizes he can't run away, because he's a tree)
    Deku Tree: Goddamnit!
  • From the "Resident Evil" Papy Grenier episode:
    • Nobody calls Chris Redfield by his name. Not even the credits.
      Seb/"Gilles Valentin": Did you hear that, Barry?
      JdG/"Chris Redfield": I'M CHRIS REDFIELD, DAMMIT!
    • Their solution when they encounter a monster with tons of tentacles? Throw a Japanese schoolgirl at it to distract it. It's too busy... ahem, "attacking" her... to care about Chris and Gilles. There's obviously no visuals (except for Papy gesticulating and making slurping noises), but the kids listening to the story are understandably grossed out.
  • From the Final Fantasy VII episode:
    • "Well, let's see... Did I ever tell you about the time I was a soldier in a terrorist group? Four years before it was mainstream!"
    • Seb (as Barrett)'s minigun is an inflatable toy.
    • "Ah, I remember my team, there was my childhood friend, a big black guy with a machine gun, a mechanic, a florist, a ninja, a little cat riding a big cat, a vampire, and a talking dog."
    • "Let me tell you about Sephiroth, a guy who hated florists."
    • The in-game cutscene has Cloud gently let go of Aeris' body in the pool, then we see her sinking down several feet. Papy points out the Fridge Logic (how could the pool be that deep and yet let him stand), and we cut to the real ending, Cloud dumping Aeris' trashbag-wrapped body in a river.
      JdG/"Cloud": Shit, she's not sinking!
    • Made even better when you learn from the author that this is a completely unscripted scene: the fake body bag started drifting away on the river, with fishermen not too far away, so they couldn't risk to just let it go. Cue JdG trying (and failing) to catch the fake body bag with his foamy giant sword in a Cloud outfit during winter, with the camera clearly shaking as the filmmaker (Seb) is laughing his ass off.
    • And then he chuckles, saying "I think I kept an ear, I've got it around here somewhere..."
    • "And even when you're indoors and think there's no more of the stupid critters to fight, you get jumped by the fucking furniture!"
    • Grenier, as Cloud, getting fed up with the incessant Random Encounters and summoning Bahamut Zero against... cows. The result seen from orbit:
      JdG/"Cloud": Worth It!
      (Earth-Shattering Kaboom)
      Seb/"Barret": Get fucked, man!
    • His explanation of why the party only included three members at once.
      Papy Grenier:: "There wasn't enough room in the Twingo..."
      (Cut to the Highwind where the rest of the team is partying.)
  • From his Mass Effect one:
  • From his RollerCoaster Tycoon video:
    • Remember when he got drunk with power as the mayor of SimCity? Well, the same happens here. He forces his employees to take insulting names, he overloads the fries with salt and then sells them for a absurdly high price, he pops out everyone's balloons to force them to buy new ones, he designs life-threatening attractions and then fires the maintenance employees... By the time he's done with it, the entire park is in flames and the United Nations have to intervene.
      Papy Grenier: The Neck-Breaker, from 200 km/h to 0 in two seconds.
    • The proposed names for the park: Fistiland, Parc à Tes Risques (Taking-risks-Park, also a joke on the Asterix Park)("In my last park, there were 27 deaths. I say we should take it with humor."), and Kidz Krazy Kingdom.
    • And how does he survive his helicopter's crash among all the chaos? With a literal golden parachute.
  • In Fallout 3, his Disproportionate Retribution on Butch for eating his cake where he let his mom die, decapitated him, beat the head with a baseball bat and then making the head kiss her mom's corpse
    Papy Grenier: No one steals my cake
  • In Skyrim, when the now over levelled Grenier faces Alduin, he throws a booger at the dragon. Grenier's character is so Broken, it One-Hit Kill the dragon who goes flying crying like Wile E. Coyote.

    Bazar du Grenier 

  • Splatoon: Seb getting repeatedly run over by a guy with a paintroller.
  • Spore:
    • Fred claiming he always bought the Sims game when they came out... and loses 10 Manliness.
      Fred: What ?! But, we all like to create a slightly nymphomaniac pretty bimbo , right?
    • "Had the Bourpis been allowed to live, they would have been a peaceful race, they would have cured all illnesses, and they would never have invented dubstep."
    • The end of the video is Fred's spaceship hovering above a group of wild animals while he talks about how evolution is beautiful while we see his mouse moving:
      Fred: ... it's beautiful, it's life. (beat) Kill them!
  • Fred and Seb play ARK: Survival Evolved... and nearly get killed by dodos.
  • Game Dev Tycoon. Needing more research point, Fred decide to create a new game called Yada Yamete Kodasai. It end up being the game with the highest design and technology he created. And gets the best score by the critics. Fred reaction is stuck between laughing and rejoicing.
  • Pokémon Snap: "Pokémon are everywhere! On your shelves (action figures), in your books (comics), on your screen (games), in your ass (Diglett stretched out to look like a dildo)."
  • Command & Conquer: Fred trying to say Command and Conquer quickly:
    Fred:Command and conquer. Command conquer, Commanconquer, commanquer...
    • The cheesy So Bad, It's Good acting and dubbing of the cutscenes.
    • Fred's comment on the logo of the Brotherhood of Nod.
    Fred: "They say that they're the good guys too, but it's hard to believe them."
    Fred!Soldier (with intentional grammar errors): "It's us we are the good guys! You can see it with our black and red logo with a scorpion's tail!"
    • Fred wondering what are the uses of the Tiberium, since in one video it's said that it's a rare and precious resource (like gold) but that it also gives cancer. Cue false advertisement.
    Fred: "I love my wife. That's why I lavish her with Tiberium Jewels..."
    (Sorina puts a ring and faints.)
    Fred: "She's so beautiful when she dribbles..."
    Slogan: "Tiberium... Love is a cancer..."
  • The JDG: La Revanche videos. Watch Fred fails and get increasingly frustrated at games he'd previously reviewed!
  • Emily is away as Fred flirt and seduce the girl:
    • When havign to choose to which school his character will go:
    Fred: So, art school, engineering school or business school... art school ? No, I don't want to be unemployed.
    • Fred: She's crying. Perfect!
    Girl:I hoped we could talk.
    Fred(reading): I hoped we could... uh ho.(deep voice) We need to talk.
    A red "Eject" flash on screen while a panic alarm is playing.
  • The Movies: Ninja Hitler vs the Space Vikings. NINJA HITLER VS THE SPACE VIKINGS.
    Fred: I dare you to say you wouldn't go see a movie named like that.
    • Consisting of Hitler getting beat up by a Baroness-looking woman and a man in a duck suit.
  • Police Simulator 2:
    • "This week a very funny subject because we're going to talk about criminality in sensitive cities." (cue Yay!)
    • "And this is probably the last, the last, song I would have put in a game called '"Police Simulator 2: law and Order"""(starts headbanging) "hey, we're having fun in the police departement"
    • "I put two cops in front of this building. At night. Because it's at night that the youngsters get out to smoke crack and sing islamistic rap. (wishper) I read it in The Figaro.(A French right-wing newspaper)
    • "Even with a cop in front of every house and two cop cars per street, in less than twenty-four hours there's been four murders and two knife muggings less than 150 feet from the precinct!"
    • "I can't cross the street, there's a continuous white line. A continuous white line!"
    • More Cops Less Teachers: An Effissienter France (cue the song of the infamous lipdub of the UMP, the main French rightwing party)
    • "... In which you play a cop FROM THE FUTURE" (Terminator theme plays as the cop steps in front of a moving car and gets pushed along for a few feet).
    Stöp ze kähr!
    • "I had a little trouble controlling the car in the beggining, I confess" (Car going off the road while rolling on itself)
    • "I have to stop the car to give it a ticket but i don't know how to stop it, so.." (Cop car forcing the other to crash)
    Fred!Cop (while the other car is burning): Hello, it's for a routine check.
    • "You control the vehicles, making them stop. And then it becomes an abuse of power simulator."
    Fred!Cop:Hello, do you know why i stopped you?
    Fred!driver:Err, no. I don't..
    Fred!Cop:Err, i don't know... Let's say phone, belt,.. I don't know, give me 200 bucks.
  • Behind the maps: You know the hilarity of playing Civilization and having the roman civilisation in Mexico? And the various cruel things a player can make to dominate the world? Imagine them narrated by someone from The History Channel.
    • Every instance of A Rare Sentence, such as the first contact between French emissaries and American spearmen near Jerusalem. In China.
    • The newspaper clipping celebrating the end of the war between France and the US:
    "We fucked 'em good!" With these historic words Napoleon signed the armistice with Washington in a second-class restaurant car after a two-euro sandwich. Magnanimously, no reparations were requested from the USA for war damages, although Napoleon demanded that George Washington sign the document dressed as a pink rabbit singing "Becassine" backwards while walking on his hands. The legendary dexterity of our valorous ex-enemies allowing him to perform all eight verses of the song, captured on video and made available in every bookstore.
    • After losing the war, the Americans get back at the French by... outlawing the production of crab. Crab.
    • Japanese soldiers end up in France. Nobody knows why they're there, but Fred notes that their descendants are still around, taking pictures of Paris in preparation for the invasion.
    • "France now begins the construction of a nuclear submarine which would, in case of problem, obliterate Egypt and Arabia's capitals. Or even without problem. Should Arabia launch a rocket into space, it will only find a wasteland when returning, that'll teach them to be smarter than us."
    • After reaching the conclusion that France owed its successes to its wealth and propensity to strike its neighbors only when they're at they're weakest, Fred concludes the final episode with this Aesop: "It's better to be rich and violent than tiny and smart".
    • The picture of Uke!Bismarck, when it becomes clear that the French army is steamrolling the German forces.
  • The ending of Jurassic Park: The Game: Fred sings (to the film's theme song) on the virtues of capitalism.
  • Le Petit Chef:
    • The hero finds a shopkeeper with a Hitler mustache and asks for advice.
    Fred (weaing a Commissar Cap): Well first I invaded Poland, and- oh, you meant cooking steaks!
  • While reviewing Affordable Space Adventures, Seb starts explaining some of the game's mechanics. Just as he confirms that you can die in the game, lightning strikes the craft, and it falls into a fire.
  • Creatures 2:
    • Fred begins by explaining the game is a baby-killing simulator.
    Fred: At least, when I play it.
  • JDG La Revanche: Fighting Games. It's mostly Fred and Seb playing to bad fighting games and mocking them all along.
    • At one point, Fred beats Seb at Rise of the Robots while using the shitty first-player character.
    Fred: "There are no bad characters... There are only bad players..."
    Seb: "It's not possible! You must train in secret!"
    Fred: "Every day!"
  • JDG La Revanche: Tintin in Tibet. Especially the third (and last) video.
    • At one point, Fred asks Sorina's help to solve a puzzle (which he failed a lot of times), complete with a select your character screen a la Street Fighter. She nails the puzzle on her first try.
    Fred (with the most unsincere tone ever): "Thank you..."
    (beat)
    Fred: "I'd like to say that, once again, women have shown that they were better at tidying up than men..."
  • JDG La Revanche: Fantasia. After a first run to the end of the level fails due to not having enough points, Fred tries again... and notices he's cleared the 60,000 point mark. The Ode to Joy starts playing as he moves closer to the exit, avoiding the previous traps and pitfalls. He reaches the exit, Ode to Joy intensifies, the scoreboard exceeds 110,000 points... and he gets sent back to the beginning. A moment of silence ensues.
    • After yet another death, Fred starts insulting Mickey.
    Fred: "That's,- that's. That's why people prefer Donald!"
  • The Guild 2:
    • Fred says that he's trying to find a wife for his character (with an option to show every single woman in the crowd).
    Fred: It's one of our superpowers as little entrepreneurs.
    • Then he finds a woman who's 17.
    Fred: She's a little bit too old. (Beat) It's the Middle Ages.
    • The hero's great pick-up line.
    Hero: "In my shop, we work conscientiously."
    Fred: "It's an original approach... But, if she's liberal, it may work..."
    • Fred starts the video declaring how he hates the Marsupilami, a Call Back to the Fan Dumb reaction when he panned Garfield.
  • "Moi, President": Jean-Michel Asshole exasperated attempt at leading the country with leftists, corporations, Democracy and people he decides to bomb for P.R opposing him
    The country's future lies with our children. ... I don't think we've ever battered down as many open doors as with that sentence. What, you want me to say the country's future lies in our pencil sharpeners?
    Listen, I can't provoke a nuclear apocalypse and handle the president's mistress at the same time, I'm only a man.
    I'm tripling our Secret service staff note . What !? I'm creating jobs!
    • When his stance on immigration turned out to be more severe than Marine Le Pen, far-right leader, Jean-Michel calls her a commie.

Other


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/JoueurduGrenier