Video Game: Takeshi's Challenge

Takeshi no Chousenjou (Takeshi's Challenge) was a 1986 troll Video Game on the Famicom, made by Taito under the direction of Japanese comedian Takeshi Kitano, known as Beat Takeshi. The player controls a despondent salaryman that must go through a lot of tribulations to find great riches.

The game does anything it can to annoy the user, such as making him sing with the second controller's microphone, press a button for hours, hitting the same enemy thousands of times... all while being attacked by hard-to-avoid enemies. The player can beat people up, get fired and divorced, drink until he passes out, and learn new skills.

The game sold only 800,000 copies in its lifetime and made available in Japan's Virtual Console for the Wii in 2009. DeceasedCrab has also done a Let's Play of the game here. JonTron has also done a review of it.

This game includes examples of:

  • A Winner Is You: Naturally. Specifically, it's a picture of Takeshi's face and the lone word "Amazing!", and if you wait long enough for something else to happen, he chastises you for taking the game seriously.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: The old man who gives you the treasure map actually just wants to follow you to it, kill you, and take the treasure. You can kill him before any of that, however.
  • Black Comedy
  • Boss in Mook Clothing
  • Classic Video Game Screw Yous: In the hang-gliding section, you need to hit gusts of wind to increase your altitude. Shooting a gust of wind destroys it.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: There is no attempt at censoring in the game, so you will be cursed out regularly and you can curse out people as well.
    [if the player sucks at Karaoke] THAT WAS SHIT. GET OUTTA HERE.
    [shouting too loudly into the microphone] SHUT UP, YOU DICK!
    DON'T BE A DICK. STOP HOGGING THE MIC!
  • Controllable Helplessness: Instead of the hang-glider, you can use any vehicle that you know how to use to reach the treasure island. Except not; the boat and scuba gear can't fly, the hot-air balloon can't move up or down, and the Cessna can't land. Essentially, picking anything besides the hang-glider leads to this.
  • Denial of Diagonal Attack: The player can't punch or shoot while ducking. The game knows this, as nearly every enemy past the start is knee-high.
  • Easter Egg: If you choose to stare at the blank map for an hour, A TV-show signing off message appears, and the screen goes dark. Wait three more hours, and the standard TV test pattern appears. Wait another hour, you see a "good morning" text box, and the game resumes.
  • Everything Trying to Kill You: For whatever reason, the whole world is conspiring to see a lowly salaryman dead.
  • Final Death: One thing that makes this game Nintendo Hard is that there's no lives; lose all your health and you're dead without a special code.
  • Guide Dang It: The entire game. In fact, an official strategy guide was released alongside the game, but it wasn't enough, so another was published not too long after.
  • Hopeless Boss Fight: Don't try to punch your wife rather than pay the alimony. She has infinite health.
    • The security guards that attack when you choose to punch your boss spawn infinitely. You either leave the screen or get pummeled to death.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: You can drink until you get completely hammered. You need to to complete the game.
  • Infant Immortality: Averted. You can beat up your own children in the game and kill them (insofar as any character in the game dies.)
  • Joke Item: Half of what you can buy serves no purpose whatsoever. Half of those that do have a purpose do nothing to help you progress. In the barber shop, you can even pay to get damaged.
  • Magical Asian: Ruthlessly parodied when one shows up to give you the paper that turns out to be a map to hidden treasure. The player ends up beating him to death in the middle of the bar.
  • Moon Logic Puzzle: Tons. Good luck figuring out that you need to dip that piece of paper you get in water when any sane human being would just read it as is.
  • Nintendo Hard: Kinda speaks for itself really. If you die at any time, you go straight back to the beginning of the game! You will die so many times on the hang-gliding section. The game is evil. Also, this is a Nintendo game? That's pretty... surprising.
  • Non-Standard Game Over: Besides losing all your health, there are plenty of ways to lose the game.
    • Punching the guy who runs the password system gets you killed. Before the game even starts.
    • Trying to fly away without having the real treasure map, not having divorced your wife, or not having quit your job causes the plane to explode for absolutely no reason.
    • If you get social dance lessons, and try to use them to get out of the island chief's pot, he's so impressed he makes you marry his daughter. The wedding isn't seen, as the game quite literally says goodbye and tells you to reset. Trying any other option (or the right option without the skills to do it) just leads to a little dialogue before you get cooked, leading to the standard game over screen.
    • In an extremely cruel fashion, the game can end right near the very end, where the old man who gave you the treasure map shows up to kill you when you reach the treasure. The trigger for this? Not beating him up after he gives you the map.
  • Off the Chart: A sales chart like this appears on the wall of the work building.
  • One-Hit-Point Wonder: You turn into one of these in the hang-gliding segment. One minor graze? Back to the start!
  • Press Start To Game Over: Choose the 'punch' option when prompted to enter your name and the game ends before it even starts.
  • Salaryman: The Player Character at the beginning of the game.
  • Stealth Parody: Granted it's about as stealthy as a grizzly bear armed with chainsaws crashing a jeep into your living room.
  • Stepford Smiler: You've got to hand it to the Salaryman for being so upbeat all the time.
  • Stupidity Is the Only Option: Getting drunk, unemployed, and divorced are needed to progress.
  • Stylistic Suck: The game is purposely designed to piss off anyone who plays it. It's clear that had the creators genuinely wanted to make a good game, they could have.
  • Take That, Audience!: The entire concept of the game is to annoy and piss off the player in every way possible and then have the creator himself in the ending screen tell the player that beat the game to stop taking the game so seriously.
    • The game also calls you out if you start yelling or swearing into the microphone, telling you to shut up.
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: Once you get to the hotel, you can actually restore your hearts. You're gonna need them.
  • Trial-and-Error Gameplay: Let's put this in perspective. The very first thing you have to do is ignore the very first conversation option in the game (who is right next to your spawn point), walk all the way out of the building, run straight for the bank (dodging Yakuza mooks) and empty your bank account. If you do anything else, you will probably run out of either money or health.
  • Unexpected Shmup Level: Late in the game, you must pilot a hang-glider to the island that has treasure on it. With all the birds and UFOs around, you'll need a gun to even attempt to make it to the island. Oh, and you can't go upwards without wind gusts.
  • Unwinnable by Design: There are a lot of ways to make the game unwinnable, and you'll never know about it until the moment comes around.
    • Have too much money on hand before divorcing your wife? You'll lose so much from alimony you can't buy anything. You have to avoid giving her money by spending what you can beforehand.
    • Do anything other than quit when you talk to your boss? He won't give you the money when you actually need to quit. Similarly, you can't get the keystone from the treasure island chief if you lunge out of his pot instead of playing the shamisen. Though in the latter's case, you can just skip seeing him the first time and wait until you have a gift for him.
    • Forget to buy hang-gliding lessons before leaving for the South Pacific? You'll be stuck on the island, unable to reach the treasure island. No other lessons work, by the way. You can also miss out on getting shamisan and lessons for it, or the language lessons, but that doesn't make the game unwinnable, just more difficult. What does cause unwinnability is not grabbing a canteen before leaving for the treasure island.
    • The most cruel of them: Don't beat up the old man who gives you the treasure map? The game allows you to progress... until the very end, where the old man comes out and steals the treasure when it's in your grasp. Have fun starting all over.
      • Let's be honest here, though: that ending is subjectively much better and more thought out than the true "ending".
  • Villain Protagonist: While a lot of the more assholish things are done only of the player's volition, the game still requires a lot of outright villainous things to be done (see the Would Hit a Girl example below).
  • Violence Is the Only Option: You can punch everybody and in many cases, it will help you advance in the game! You can punch your wife and kids! You can end up murdering them if you really want to! Yay!
  • Wait to Dry a Piece of Paper
    • Unless you yell into the microphone between five to ten minutes after you get the paper wet - too early or too late and you ruin it.
  • A Winner Is You: The ending screen does not give you a real ending so much as it shows Takeshi Kitano's cartoon face, and the words Amazing and "The End". If the player waits a few minutes afterwards, he calls you out on taking this "crappy game" seriously enough to actually finish it through.
  • Would Hit a Girl: Attacking hostesses at one point is also necessary to proceed.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: You can beat your own wife and children to death in the game. JonTron was suitably horrified when he found out.
    JonTron: Also I'd just like to point out that there is a licensed Nintendo game WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN IT!!
  • Yakuza: A type of enemy in the game. You can beat them up.

Alternative Title(s):

Takeshi No Chousenjou, Takeshis Challenge