"Gift? Ha! Vorador thought my curse a blessing - that we were Gods, that mortals offered their blood as sacrifice so that we could enjoy our supernatural powers. And somewhere, deep inside my new self, I know he was right. That mortal dreams were prayers - prayers to us, begging us for power." "The gift continued to evolve. Over time, we became less human and more... Divine. Kain would enter the state of change, and emerge with a new gift. Some years after the master, our evolution would follow. Until I had the honor of surpassing my lord." "But each of us is so much more than we once were. Gazing out across the planes of possibility, do you not feel, with all of your soul, how we have become like Gods? And as such, are we not indivisible? As long as a single one of us stands, we are legion. And that is why, as I sacrifice my children to the void, I can do so with a clear conscience."
— Kain, Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver
How do you kill a vampire? Max Landis
: Stake through the heart, garlic... John
: No! You can kill a vampire however the fuck you want because vampires don't fucking exist! You can make up any kind of thing you want!
People have different standards when it comes to arguing what is and isn't a vampire... "For one thing, rewriting the rules is just good storytelling. Upending conventions lets you surprise the audience. You thought garlic was going to ward off the boss vampire? Sorry. You planned to kill him with that little piece of sharpened wood? Good luck. These days, you'll see vampires slapping crosses out of the way more often than shrinking in fear. Variations on the vampire rules also make for some clever plot twists." Announcer:
In fact, for the town boasting the allegiance of the King of the Night, I've hardly seen any vampires on the charts! Of course, it is daylight. They'd probably all turn to ash! Louie:
This guy is clueless! We don't burn up, we just get really really bad sunburns, really easily! Edmund:
Eh, No... Sometimes you catch fire. Louie:
Sometimes we catch fire.
"I'm a Hungarian-American with an inherited medical condition." It was upon the field of battle at Clamorga that the mighty Captain Moriar fell, defending the ridge against the despicable Eldar. Many were his wounds and the Sanguinary Priests were at a loss to heal him. And so it was that Moriar was interned within the sarcophagus of the Furioso Dreadnought built by Brother Morleo, as were Belaphon, Dario and Amaretto before him. Upon gaining his strength, Moriar was struck by visions of Sanguinius, his own near-death state triggering the Black Rage. Immortal now in his adamantium shell, Moriar survived the Black Rage, hungering for battle and death. The Red Thirst grips him, and the revered Brothers of the Armourium have modified his armoured suit so that he may partake of the vital liquid and be restrained when not in battle. "The nice thing about vampires is that if someone says, 'No that's not how vampires work,' you can say, 'Yes, it is,' and then, nobody is right." "Before folks swear off sunlight, they should know the basics, which would be easier if the rules didn't change in every film, book and TV show." "A vampire drinking wine on a private jet, flying to Rio de Janeiro in broad daylight? The stories got everything wrong." Kristen Stewart:
You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you? Robert Pattinson:
Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.
When the thirst comes upon me so fiercely that I can't recall my own name, when the searing Eye of the Day scalds my flesh, or as loneliness shrouds the vacuum where my soul used to reside, I wonder if I am as invincible as I pretend. "Contrary to popular ignorant opinion, even vampires love the sun and the sea." Homer:
...where he discovers he's a (beat)
Vampires like these (points to a group of books)
, or those (points to another group of books)
, or these guys? (a third group of books) Everyone:
[groans] Professor Frink:
So many vampires, with the fangs and the capes and the medals. Nobody knows how they earns them.
You're a vampire. Maldis:
I admit it: I feed on death. But don't we all? Some eat plants, some meat; I consume the life essence itself
— preferably medium rare. Crichton:
Why don't you just kill us? Why all the foreplay? Maldis:
Death is the main course: all this
is the appetizer.
What other vampire powers do I have? Can I turn into a bat? Mr. Crepsley:
What? No, that's bullshit.
literally vampires. Sunlight, garlic, crosses, none of that applies. But we call them vampires because they're ageless super strong monsters that feed on the blood of the living.
"Well, you can still be destroyed but... Forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. A cross? Pfft! Shove it right up their ass! Hahahaha! A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Runnin' water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... eh... occasionally. Now, a shotgun blast to the head? Oh, that's trouble, boy. Fire? That's
real trouble. Sunlight? Well, you catch a sunrise and it's all over, kiddo. Get it?"
You ever seen a vampire? Father Adam:
No I haven't. Jack Crow:
No... Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffata. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters.
There's no real trick to huntin' vampires: you don't have to hit them in the heart with a wooden stake, or cut their heads off. They don't have to be buried in sanctified soil. You just have hurt 'em real bad: eventually, they stop movin'. They invented the myths themselves- made them sounded harder to kill than they really are- except the one about sunlight, that one's true. Stupid motherfuckers didn't realize all they'd have to do was dress better... I get the sneaking suspicion that the people who made this game have no idea what a vampire is. Peter:
Hey, is The Count
a vampire? Brian:
What's that? Peter:
Well, he's got these big fangs. Have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on 'em? Brian:
You're, y-you're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street
in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance. Peter:
No, they've never done that.
Stephanie stifled a gasp [...] These weren't the vampires she'd seen on TV; these weren't sexy people in long coats and sunglasses. These were animals. Cathy:
Are you really immortal?
Earl: It's true.
Cathy: Wow. So you can't see your reflection?
Earl: I can see my clothes. I just can't see me. It's sort of like the invisible man,'cept only in mirrors.
Cathy: Cool. Um, can I ask you something else?
Yes, garlic bothers me
. Yes, sunlight can kill me
. No, crosses and holy water don't do jack shit - at least not to me. Yes, I can cross running water. No, a stake in the heart won't kill me, but it will stop me from moving around. Yes, having my head cut off
or being roasted can kill me
. Yes, I sleep during the day. Yes, I drink blood. No, I can enter without being invited. And yes, I can mesmerize people
, though not very well. Does that cover it?
Zhuzen: Now, look. I understand vampires suck human blood. You better not chomp into our necks or anything.
: Ah hah hah hah... I guess the books say all sorts of curious and silly things about us. But true vampires aren't like that. Daylight and crosses don't bother me a bit. Nor garlic. We may be "undead," but that doesn't mean we can't be killed. We're just tougher than humans.
Vampires. Doctor Marcus, it is commonly supposed that a vampire attacks in one way: by biting the neck and draining the victim of blood. Doctor Marcus:
[nods in agreement] That's true. Professor Grost:
The girls you spoke of, they were not drained of blood, but of youth
. Of life itself
. You see, Doctor, there are as many species of vampires as there are beasts of prey. Their methods and their motive for attack can vary in a hundred different ways. [starts pacing around the room] And the means of their destruction. Ah, the traditional stake through the heart doesn't always hold good, you know? Some can only be destroyed by hanging or decapitation, or fire or water! Or by other means (pats model cannon on a nearby table
Johnathan: What in the- I thought you were a vampire!
This is what I live for, what I fish for, what I hunt. The scent of soup, then the soup itself, running hot and fast and sweet in the confines of the veins, the vessels, the brain. In the confines of the flesh.
So what, mythically speaking, makes something a vampire? Well, it's less a rigid definition and more like a grab bag of traits you can stick together into an appropriately intimidating creature of the night.
Johnny: Wait, vampires aren't supposed to be allowed in the sun!
: Clue up, Johnny. Hip teen vampires glitter in the sun now