History Quotes / OurVampiresAreDifferent

'''Creator/MaxLandis''': Stake through the heart, garlic...\\
'''John''': No! You can kill a vampire however the fuck you want because vampires don't fucking exist! You can make up any kind of thing you want!

->''"I get the sneaking suspicion that the people who made this game have no idea what a vampire is."''
-->-- WebVideo/TwoBestFriendsPlay ''Vampire Rain''

->'''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]:''' Wait a minute...was that [[KillItWithWater holy water]]?\\

->'''Johnathan''': What in the- I thought you were a vampire!\\
'''Dio''': I am! ''[[KickTheDog (freezes Johnthan's dog and shoots it with]] [[EyeBeams eye lasers)]]'' This is ''totally'' vampire shit, bro.
-->--''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc1nZ5H2aMM Jojo's Bizzare Adventure: Phantom Blood in 5 1/2 Minutes]]''

->'''Shelby:''' And that means [[MustBeInvited they can't cross the threshold of the door]], I think!\\
'''Sausage:''' The thing is, he- That's what I thought about the church! That man [Scott] went right through it! That man went through it. Against all lore, he went in. I thought that, but no, I guess that's not part of the rules here in the Afterlife.\\
'''Shelby:''' ...did he just make his own lore for a vampire? We already ''have'' established rules based on [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga the Twilight movie series]]!\\
'''Sausage:''' Exactly, plus, he doesn't sparkle enough! He needs to sparkle a little more.\\
'''Shelby:''' He needs to sparkle more.\\
'''Sausage:''' And then in twenty years, [[Creator/RobertPattinson he can become]] [[Film/TheBatman2022 Batman]].
-->-- ''WebVideo/AfterlifeSMP''

-->--'''WebAnimation/OverlySarcasticProductions,''' ''Classics Summarized: Literature/{{Dracula}}''

->''"Vampires exist. Most of them feed off blood, though rumors exist of other types that eat flesh, drink spinal fluid, or drain brains of their memories. Some are solitary, true Lords of the Night, ruling over neighborhoods or whole cities, commanding their own unliving soldiers and relishing in the power it gives them. Others work in packs: blood-spattered coteries that work in tandem just like hunter cells or a pack of distempered dogs, roving the night, looking to slake a living thirst.\\

->''"Gift? Ha! [[TheHedonist Vorador]] thought my curse a blessing -- that we were Gods, that mortals offered their blood as sacrifice so that we could enjoy our supernatural powers. And somewhere, deep inside my new self, I know he was right. That mortal dreams were prayers -- prayers to us, begging us for power."''
-->-- '''Kain''', ''VideoGame/BloodOmenLegacyOfKain''

->''"[[StrongerWithAge The gift]] continued to evolve. Over time, we became less human and more... Divine. Kain would enter the state of change, and emerge with a new gift. Some years after the master, our evolution would follow. Until I had the honor of [[WingedHumanoid surpassing]] my lord."''
-->-- '''Raziel''', ''VideoGame/LegacyOfKainSoulReaver''

->''"But each of us is so much more than we once were. Gazing out across the planes of possibility, do you not feel, with all of your soul, how we have become [[AGodAmI like Gods?]] And as such, are we not indivisible? As long as a single one of us stands, we are legion. And that is why, as I sacrifice my children to the void, I can do so with a clear conscience."''
-->-- '''Kain''', ''Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver''

->''"[[BadassBoast We own this night, just as we own the fear that runs in]] [[PunyEarthlings your]] [[BadassBoast veins]]. You may think [[WeHaveReserves your numbers]] protect you, but we shall feast upon your souls before the dawn!"''
-->-- '''Kilarq Tongueblade of the Lacerated Eye''', ''{{TabletopGame/Warhammer 40000}}''

->'''Creator/JohnLandis:''' How do you kill a vampire?\\
'''Creator/MaxLandis''': Stake through the heart, garlic...\\
'''John''': No! You can kill a vampire however the fuck you want because vampires don't fucking exist! You can make up any kind of thing you want!
-->-- A little fatherly creative advice as recounted in ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PlwDbSYicM The Death and Return of Superman]]''

->''"For one thing, rewriting the rules is just good storytelling. Upending conventions lets you surprise the audience. You thought garlic was going to ward off the boss vampire? Sorry. You planned to kill him with that little piece of sharpened wood? Good luck. These days, you'll see vampires slapping crosses out of the way more often than shrinking in fear. Variations on the vampire rules also make for some clever plot twists."''
-->-- '''[[http://www.slate.com/id/2205143/?from=rss Christopher Beam]]''', ''Slate'' magazine.

->'''Announcer:''' In fact, for the town boasting the allegiance of the King of the Night, I've hardly seen any vampires on the charts! Of course, it is daylight. They'd probably all turn to ash!\\
'''Louie:''' This guy is clueless! We don't burn up, we just get really really bad sunburns, really easily!\\
'''Edmund:''' Eh, No... Sometimes you catch fire.\\
'''Louie:''' Sometimes we catch fire.
-->-- [[http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/gaia-community-discussion/gaia-s-lost-manga-unreleased-comics-from-the-past/t.49527459/ Gaia's Lost Manga]], ''Website/GaiaOnline''

->'''Integra:''' I need you idiots to send a helicopter after Alucard and retrieve him.\\
'''Penwood:''' Can't he fly with his vampire powers?\\
'''Integra:''' What? N-no he can't fly with his "vampire powers"!
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

->''"It was upon the field of battle at Clamorga that the mighty Captain Moriar fell, defending the ridge against the despicable Eldar. Many were his wounds and the Sanguinary Priests were at a loss to heal him. And so it was that Moriar was interned within the sarcophagus of the Furioso Dreadnought built by Brother Morleo, as were Belaphon, Dario and Amaretto before him. Upon gaining his strength, Moriar was struck by visions of Sanguinius, his own near-death state triggering the Black Rage. Immortal now in his adamantium shell, Moriar survived the Black Rage, hungering for battle and death. The Red Thirst grips him, and the revered Brothers of the Armourium have modified his armoured suit so that he may partake of the vital liquid and be restrained when not in battle."''
-->-- ''{{TabletopGame/Warhammer 40000}}''

->''"The nice thing about vampires is that if someone says, 'No that's not how vampires work,' you can say, 'Yes, it is,' and then, nobody is right."''
-->-- ''Webcomic/DinosaurComics'', [[http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001364.html]] [[AltText subject header]]

->''"Before folks swear off sunlight, they should know the basics, which would be easier if the rules didn't change in every film, book and TV show."''
-->-- [[http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2009-07-01-vampire-rules_N.htm?csp=34 Jayme Deerwester]], ''USA Today''

->''"A vampire drinking wine on a private jet, flying to Rio de Janeiro in broad daylight? The stories got everything wrong."''
-->-- '''Pip Bernadotte''', ''{{Manga/Hellsing}} Ultimate''

->''"When the thirst comes upon me so fiercely that I can't recall my own name, when the searing Eye of the Day scalds my flesh, or as loneliness shrouds the vacuum where my soul used to reside, I wonder if I am as invincible as I pretend."''
-->-- '''Blaesing''' (Dim Triad member), ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' supplement ''Librs Mortis''

->''"Contrary to popular ignorant opinion, even vampires love the sun and the sea."''
-->-- '''Alisa''', ''[[Literature/NightWatchSeries The Day Watch]]''

->'''Homer:''' ...where he discovers he's a ''({{beat}})'' vampires.\\
'''Patty:''' Vampires like these ''(points to a group of books)'', or those ''(points to another group of books)'', or these guys? ''(a third group of books)''\\
'''Everyone:''' [groans]\\
'''Professor Frink:''' So many vampires, with the fangs and the capes and the medals. Nobody knows how they earns them.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "The Book Job"

->'''Crichton:''' You're a vampire.\\
'''Maldis:''' I admit it: I feed on death. But don't we all? Some eat plants, some meat; [[YourSoulIsMine I consume the life essence itself]] -- preferably medium rare.\\
'''Crichton:''' Why don't you just kill us? Why all the foreplay?\\
'''Maldis:''' Death is the main course: [[LetsYouAndHimFight all]] [[{{Revenge}} this]] is the appetizer.
-->-- ''{{Series/Farscape}}'', "That Old Black Magic"

->''"They're not ''literally'' vampires. Sunlight, garlic, crosses, none of that applies. But we call them vampires because they're ageless super strong monsters that feed on the blood of the living."''
-->-- '''ComicBook/AtomicRobo''', ''Atomic Robo and Other Strangeness''

->''"Well, you can still be destroyed but... forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. A cross? Pfft! Shove it right up their ass! Hahahaha! A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Runnin' water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... eh... occasionally. Now, a shotgun blast to the head? Oh, that's trouble, boy. Fire? That's ''real'' trouble. Sunlight? Well, you catch a sunrise and it's all over, kiddo. Get it?"''
-->-- '''Smilin' Jack''', answering whether you, as a newly-embraced Kindred, will live forever, ''VideoGame/VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''

->''"There's no real trick to huntin' vampires: you don't have to hit them in the heart with a wooden stake, or cut their heads off. They don't have to be buried in sanctified soil. You just have hurt 'em real bad: eventually, they stop movin'. They invented the myths themselves- made them sounded harder to kill than they really are- except the one about sunlight, that one's true. Stupid motherfuckers didn't realize all they'd have to do was dress better..."''
-->-- '''The Hunter,''' ''Videogame/TheSecretWorld''

->''"I get the sneaking suspicion that the people who made this game have no idea what a vampire is."''
-->-- WebVideo/TwoBestFriendsPlay ''Vampire Rain''

->'''Peter:''' Hey, is [[Series/SesameStreet The Count]] a vampire?\\
'''Brian:''' What's that?\\
'''Peter:''' Well, he's got these big fangs. Have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on 'em?\\
'''Brian:''' You're, y-you're asking if they've ever done a ''Series/SesameStreet'' in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance. \\
'''Peter:''' Yeah. \\
'''Brian:''' No, they've never done that.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Family Guy Viewer Mail #1"

->''"Stephanie stifled a gasp [...] These weren't the vampires she'd seen on TV; these weren't sexy people in long coats and sunglasses. These were animals."''
-->-- ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant''

->''"Not supernatural, no. Superhuman! Hypnotic, magnetic! Creature of illusion, in no way a magician but in every way a great [[TheTrickster trickster]]! Not a bat but ''[[StealthExpert silent]]'' as a bat! Not a wolf, but ''[[SuperSpeed swift]]'' [[SuperSpeed as a wolf]]! Not a flea but [[HorrorHunger a monster with a flea's appetite for blood]] -- on a scale unprecedented! That's my idea of the vampire, Dragosani. Fifty miles to a creature like that? A healthy evening's walk! He would be able to compel his human shell to [[SuperStrength excesses of effort undreamed of]]..."''
-->--'''Ladislau Giresci,''' ''Literature/{{Necroscope}}''

->''"In those younger years my home was [[DecadentCourt a hive of unbridled hedonism, a roiling apiary where instinct and impulse were indulged with wild abandon.]] [[VampiresAreSexGods A bewitching predator slipped in amidst the swarm of tittering sycophants.]] Though outwardly urbane, I could sense in her a [[HorrorHunger mocking thirst.]] [[ForTheEvulz Driven half-mad by cloying vulgarity, I plotted to rid myself of this lurking threat in a grand display of sadistic sport.]] But as the moment of murder drew nigh, the [[GlamourFailure gibbous moon revealed her inhuman desires in all their stultifying hideousness....]]\\
Mercifully, the morbid encounter resolved itself in my favor, [[AlienBlood and I set to work pursuing degeneracy in its most decadent forms.]] The air pulsed with anticipation as I revealed the unnatural terroir of the house vintage. But my exultation was cut short [[BodyHorror as the attending gentry turned upon themselves in an orgy of an indescribable frenzy.]] [[ThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow A single drop of that forbidden tannin gifted me with a dizzying glimpse of]] [[EldritchAbomination a hibernating horror beneath my feet, and in that moment, I understood the terrible truth of the world.]] [[StartOfDarkness I stood reborn, molted by newfound knowledge, my head throbbing to the growing]] [[BigCreepyCrawlies whine of winged vermin come to drink the tainted blood…]] of the [[TitleDrop Darkest Dungeon.]]"''
-->--'''The Ancestor''', ''Videogame/DarkestDungeon:'' ''The Crimson Court''

->'''Zhuzen''': Now, look. I understand vampires suck human blood. You better not chomp into our necks or anything.\\
'''Keith''': Ah hah hah hah... I guess the books say all sorts of curious and silly things about us. But true vampires aren't like that. Daylight and crosses don't bother me a bit. Nor garlic. We may be "undead," but that doesn't mean we can't be killed. We're just tougher than humans.
-->-- ''VideoGame/ShadowHearts1''.

->'''Professor Grost:''' Vampires. Doctor Marcus, it is commonly supposed that a vampire attacks in one way: by biting the neck and draining the victim of blood.\\
'''Doctor Marcus:''' [nods in agreement] That's true.\\
'''Professor Grost:''' The girls you spoke of, they were not drained of blood, but of ''youth''. Of ''life itself''. You see, Doctor, there are as many species of vampires as there are beasts of prey. Their methods and their motive for attack can vary in a hundred different ways. [starts pacing around the room] And the means of their destruction. Ah, the traditional stake through the heart doesn't always hold good, you know? Some can only be destroyed by hanging or decapitation, or fire or water! Or by other means ([[JustShootHim pats model cannon]] [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill on a nearby table]])!
-->-- ''Film/CaptainKronosVampireHunter''

->'''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]:''' Wait a minute...was that [[KillItWithWater holy water]]?\\
'''Nostalgia Critic:''' Nope.\\
'''Linkara:''' Then how the hell did it [[HolyBurnsEvil burn (Rayne)]]?\\
'''NC:''' Oh-ho-ho-ho, Linkara. This is the Creator/StephenieMeyer age of vampires. You can make up anything! If you wanna say water hurts them even though it's not blessed, it's okay now!\\
'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Spoony]]:''' Yeah, if you wanna say they in no way can fly, turn into bats or do most of the cool things vampires can do, that's okay now, too!\\
'''Linkara:''' Oh, I see. And if people travel for miles to [[ComeToGawk see one as an attraction]], yet [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight nobody turns their head when one is stabbed and violently decomposes in front of their eyes]]...\\
'''NC and Spoony:''' ''It's totally okay!''\\
'''Linkara:''' Now I know! [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle And knowing]] [[SubvertedTrope makes it even more confusing.]]
-->-- ''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic'' (and guests), reviewing ''Film/{{Bloodrayne}}''

->'''Johnathan''': What in the- I thought you were a vampire!\\
'''Dio''': I am! ''[[KickTheDog (freezes Johnthan's dog and shoots it with]] [[EyeBeams eye lasers)]]'' This is ''totally'' vampire shit, bro.
-->--''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc1nZ5H2aMM Jojo's Bizzare Adventure: Phantom Blood in 5 1/2 Minutes]]''

-> ''"So what, mythically speaking, makes something a vampire? Well, it's less a rigid definition and more like a grab bag of traits you can stick together into an appropriately intimidating creature of the night."''
-->--'''WebAnimation/OverlySarcasticProductions,''' ''Classics Summarized: Literature/{{Dracula}}''

->'''Johnny''': Wait, vampires aren't supposed to be allowed in the sun!
->'''Mary''': Clue up, Johnny. Hip teen vampires glitter in the sun now
-->--''Mary, ''WesternAnimation/JohnnyTest, Fangs a Lot Johnny''

->''"OK, Vampire Anatomy 101, crosses and holy water don't do dick so forget what you've seen in the movies. You use a wooden stake, silver or sunlight to kill them."''
-->--'''Blade''', ''Film/Blade1998''

->'''Edgar Frog''': You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot?\\
'''Sam Emerson''': Yeah, all day.\\
'''Alan Frog''': Does the sunlight freak him out?\\
'''Sam''': Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house.\\
'''Edgar''': Bad breath, long fingernails?\\
'''Sam''': Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer, um, he always had bad breath, though.\\
'''Alan''': He's a vampire all right.
-->--''Film/TheLostBoys''

->''"She lives beyond the grace of God, a wanderer in the outer darkness. She is vampyr, nosferatu. These creatures do not die like the bee after the first sting, but instead grow strong and become immortal once infected by another nosferatu. So, my friends, we fight not one beast but legions that go on age after age after age, feeding on the blood of the living."''
-->--'''Abraham van Helsing''', ''Film/BramStokersDracula''

->''"We people of the mountains believe in the castle there are vampires. Dracula and his wives -- they take the form of wolves and bats. They leave their coffins at night and they feed on the blood of the living."''
-->--'''Innkeeper''', ''Film/Dracula1931''

->''"Well," Marlow says, "everything I know about vampires is second hand, but--I think it's mostly like it is in movies...? Daylight doesn't kill them outright, but it does leave 'em weaker. They drink blood, they can kinda hypnotize folks into becomin' their thralls... hurt by garlic but not crosses. ...They don't really stop to count things. Stake to the heart does what you think it does."\\
"[[MustBeInvited Do they need to be invited in?]]," you ask.\\
He... sort of shrugs. "There's something to it, but I remember there being some catch--they have ways of gettin' around it or there's other rules involved, somethin' to that effect. I'll ask my friend about it."''
-->-- ''Webcomic/MyDeliriumAlcazar''

->''"Vampires exist. Most of them feed off blood, though rumors exist of other types that eat flesh, drink spinal fluid, or drain brains of their memories. Some are solitary, true Lords of the Night, ruling over neighborhoods or whole cities, commanding their own unliving soldiers and relishing in the power it gives them. Others work in packs: blood-spattered coteries that work in tandem just like hunter cells or a pack of distempered dogs, roving the night, looking to slake a living thirst.\\
Theories abound as to what they are or how they got that way. Speculations suggest a monstrous origin, born from Tiamat's belly or the Devil's own head or from some curse laid upon the earth by God His Ownself. Less popular ideas lean toward the scientific: vampirism is the result of some plague, or perhaps each of the Damned is the puppet of some kind of blood-hungry parasite.\\
[...]\\
Accepted truth about vampires is that sunlight and fire make short work of them. Beheading, too. Everything else is up for debate. Stakes definitely do ''something'', but different cells tell different stories: some say it paralyzes them, others claim they shrivel like dead roaches as soon as it happens. Crosses? Maybe. Garlic? Probably not. Other weirder anathemas exist, too: kill them at a crossroads, pierce their chest with a holy sword, trap them in an open grave, or "bottle" their souls using a Malaysian sorcerer."''
-->--''TabletopGame/HunterTheVigil'', First Edition corebook

It lends us to legend [[ShroudedInMyth It makes of us myth]]. [[TheDreaded It shapes of us demons of dreams]]: Don't misbehave or an Anzat will catch you and suck all your blood away [[BrainFood But it is not blood at all]]."''

->''They're not ''literally'' vampires. Sunlight, garlic, crosses, none of that applies. But we call them vampires because they're ageless super strong monsters that feed on the blood of the living.''

->''Stephanie stifled a gasp [...] These weren't the vampires she'd seen on TV; these weren't sexy people in long coats and sunglasses. These were animals.''

->''Not supernatural, no. Superhuman! Hypnotic, magnetic! Creature of illusion, in no way a magician but in every way a great [[TheTrickster trickster]]! Not a bat but ''[[StealthExpert silent]]'' as a bat! Not a wolf, but ''[[SuperSpeed swift]]'' [[SuperSpeed as a wolf]]! Not a flea but [[HorrorHunger a monster with a flea's appetite for blood]] -- on a scale unprecedented! That's my idea of the vampire, Dragosani. Fifty miles to a creature like that? A healthy evening's walk! He would be able to compel his human shell to [[SuperStrength excesses of effort undreamed of]]..."''

->'''Earl:''' I can see my clothes. I just can't see me. It's sort of like the invisible man,'cept only in mirrors.

->''"This is what I live for, what I fish for, what I hunt. The scent of soup, then the soup itself, running hot and fast and sweet in the confines of the veins, the vessels, the brain. In the confines of the flesh.
->It lends us to legend. [[ShroudedInMyth It makes of us myth]]. [[TheDreaded It shapes of us demons of dreams]]: Don't misbehave or an Anzat will catch you and suck all your blood away.\\
[[BrainFood But it is not blood at all]]."''

-->-- ''LetsPlay/AfterlifeSMP''

->''It was upon the field of battle at Clamorga that the mighty Captain Moriar fell, defending the ridge against the despicable Eldar. Many were his wounds and the Sanguinary Priests were at a loss to heal him. And so it was that Moriar was interned within the sarcophagus of the Furioso Dreadnought built by Brother Morleo, as were Belaphon, Dario and Amaretto before him. Upon gaining his strength, Moriar was struck by visions of Sanguinius, his own near-death state triggering the Black Rage. Immortal now in his adamantium shell, Moriar survived the Black Rage, hungering for battle and death. The Red Thirst grips him, and the revered Brothers of the Armourium have modified his armoured suit so that he may partake of the vital liquid and be restrained when not in battle.''

->''When the thirst comes upon me so fiercely that I can't recall my own name, when the searing Eye of the Day scalds my flesh, or as loneliness shrouds the vacuum where my soul used to reside, I wonder if I am as invincible as I pretend.''

->''There's no real trick to huntin' vampires: you don't have to hit them in the heart with a wooden stake, or cut their heads off. They don't have to be buried in sanctified soil. You just have hurt 'em real bad: eventually, they stop movin'. They invented the myths themselves- made them sounded harder to kill than they really are- except the one about sunlight, that one's true. Stupid motherfuckers didn't realize all they'd have to do was dress better...''

->''I get the sneaking suspicion that the people who made this game have no idea what a vampire is.''

->Not supernatural, no. Superhuman! Hypnotic, magnetic! Creature of illusion, in no way a magician but in every way a great [[TheTrickster trickster]]! Not a bat but ''[[StealthExpert silent]]'' as a bat! Not a wolf, but ''[[SuperSpeed swift]]'' [[SuperSpeed as a wolf]]! Not a flea but [[HorrorHunger a monster with a flea's appetite for blood]] -- on a scale unprecedented! That's my idea of the vampire, Dragosani. Fifty miles to a creature like that? A healthy evening's walk! He would be able to compel his human shell to [[SuperStrength excesses of effort undreamed of]]...

->''"In those younger years my home was [[DecadentCourt a hive of unbridled hedonism, a roiling apiary where instinct and impulse were indulged with wild abandon.]] [[VampiresAreSexGods A bewitching predator slipped in amidst the swarm of tittering sycophants.]] Though outwardly urbane, I could sense in her a [[HorrorHunger mocking thirst.]] [[ForTheEvulz Driven half-mad by cloying vulgarity, I plotted to rid myself of this lurking threat in a grand display of sadistic sport.]] But as the moment of murder drew nigh, the [[GlamourFailure gibbous moon revealed her inhuman desires in all their stultifying hideousness....]]''
->''"Mercifully, the morbid encounter resolved itself in my favor, [[AlienBlood and I set to work pursuing degeneracy in its most decadent forms.]] The air pulsed with anticipation as I revealed the unnatural terroir of the house vintage. But my exultation was cut short [[BodyHorror as the attending gentry turned upon themselves in an orgy of an indescribable frenzy.]] [[ThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow A single drop of that forbidden tannin gifted me with a dizzying glimpse of]] [[EldritchAbomination a hibernating horror beneath my feet, and in that moment, I understood the terrible truth of the world.]] [[StartOfDarkness I stood reborn, molted by newfound knowledge, my head throbbing to the growing]] [[BigCreepyCrawlies whine of winged vermin come to drink the tainted blood…]] of the [[TitleDrop Darkest Dungeon.]]"''

->'''Zhuzen''': Now, look. I understand vampires suck human blood. You better not chomp into our necks or anything.
->'''Keith''': Ah hah hah hah... I guess the books say all sorts of curious and silly things about us. But true vampires aren't like that. Daylight and crosses don't bother me a bit. Nor garlic. We may be "undead," but that doesn't mean we can't be killed. We're just tougher than humans.

->'''Johnathan''': What in the- I thought you were a vampire!
->'''Dio''': I am! ''[[KickTheDog (freezes Johnthan's dog and shoots it with]] [[EyeBeams eye lasers)]]'' This is ''totally'' vampire shit, bro.

->This is what I live for, what I fish for, what I hunt. The scent of soup, then the soup itself, running hot and fast and sweet in the confines of the veins, the vessels, the brain. In the confines of the flesh.
->It lends us to legend. [[ShroudedInMyth It makes of us myth]]. [[TheDreaded It shapes of us demons of dreams]]: Don't misbehave or an Anzat will catch you and suck all your blood away.
->[[BrainFood But it is not blood at all]].

-> ''So what, mythically speaking, makes something a vampire? Well, it's less a rigid definition and more like a grab bag of traits you can stick together into an appropriately intimidating creature of the night.''

->''Vampires exist. Most of them feed off blood, though rumors exist of other types that eat flesh, drink spinal fluid, or drain brains of their memories. Some are solitary, true Lords of the Night, ruling over neighborhoods or whole cities, commanding their own unliving soldiers and relishing in the power it gives them. Others work in packs: blood-spattered coteries that work in tandem just like hunter cells or a pack of distempered dogs, roving the night, looking to slake a living thirst.\\

Accepted truth about vampires is that sunlight and fire make short work of them. Beheading, too. Everything else is up for debate. Stakes definitely do ''something'', but different cells tell different stories: some say it paralyzes them, others claim they shrivel like dead roaches as soon as it happens. Crosses? Maybe. Garlic? Probably not. Other weirder anathemas exist, too: kill them at a crossroads, pierce their chest with a holy sword, trap them in an open grave, or "bottle" their souls using a Malaysian sorcerer.''

'''Integra:''' What? N-no he can't fly with his vampire powers!

'''Shelby:''' ...did he just make his own lore for a vampire? We already ''have'' established rules based on the [[Film/{{Twilight}} Twilight movie series!]]\\

-->-- ''VideoGame/ShadowHearts''.

-->-- '''Rod Hilton''', ''{{Literature/Twilight}}: [[http://www.the-editing-room.com/twilight.html The Abridged Script]]''

->''"Gift? Ha! [[TheHedonist Vorador]] thought my curse a blessing - that we were Gods, that mortals offered their blood as sacrifice so that we could enjoy our supernatural powers. And somewhere, deep inside my new self, I know he was right. That mortal dreams were prayers - prayers to us, begging us for power."''

->''"Well, you can still be destroyed but... Forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. A cross? Pfft! Shove it right up their ass! Hahahaha! A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Runnin' water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... eh... occasionally. Now, a shotgun blast to the head? Oh, that's trouble, boy. Fire? That's ''real'' trouble. Sunlight? Well, you catch a sunrise and it's all over, kiddo. Get it?"''

->Not supernatural, no. Superhuman! Hypnotic, magnetic! Creature of illusion, in no way a magician but in every way a great [[TheTrickster trickster]]! Not a bat but ''[[StealthExpert silent]]'' as a bat! Not a wolf, but ''[[SuperSpeed swift]]'' [[SuperSpeed as a wolf]]! Not a flea but [[HorrorHunger a monster with a flea's appetite for blood]] - on a scale unprecedented! That's my idea of the vampire, Dragosani. Fifty miles to a creature like that? A healthy evening's walk! He would be able to compel his human shell to [[SuperStrength excesses of effort undreamed of]]...

->'''Earl:''' Yes, [[VampiresHateGarlic garlic bothers me]]. Yes, [[WeakenedByTheLight sunlight can kill me]]. No, crosses and holy water don't do jack shit - at least not to me. Yes, I can cross running water. No, a stake in the heart won't kill me, but it will stop me from moving around. Yes, [[OffWithHisHead having my head cut off]] or [[KillItWithFire being roasted can kill me]]. Yes, I sleep during the day. Yes, I drink blood. No, I can enter without being invited. And yes, [[CharmPerson I can mesmerize people]], though not very well. Does that cover it?

->''"We people of the mountains believe in the castle there are vampires. Dracula and his wives - they take the form of wolves and bats. They leave their coffins at night and they feed on the blood of the living."''

->''"Mercifully, the morbid encounter resolved itself in my favor, [[AlienBlood and I set to work pursuing degeneracy in its most decadent forms.]] [[MainliningTheMonster The air pulsed with anticipation as I revealed the unnatural terroir of the house vintage.]] But my exultation was cut short [[BodyHorror as the attending gentry turned upon themselves in an orgy of an indescribable frenzy.]] [[ThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow A single drop of that forbidden tannin gifted me with a dizzying glimpse of]] [[EldritchAbomination a hibernating horror beneath my feet, and in that moment, I understood the terrible truth of the world.]] [[StartOfDarkness I stood reborn, molted by newfound knowledge, my head throbbing to the growing]] [[BigCreepyCrawlies whine of winged vermin come to drink the tainted blood…]] of the [[TitleDrop Darkest Dungeon.]]"''

->''People have different standards when it comes to arguing what is and isn't a vampire...''
-->-- '''Dan Shive''', ''Webcomic/ElGoonishShive'' [[http://www.egscomics.com/index.php?date=2010-05-21 commentary, 21 May 2010]].