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"That's not bad writing; that actually happened."
The Nostalgia Critic on Michael Jordan playing baseball in Space Jam

"I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor. He didn't BELIEVE those lyrics were real. He was SURE his wacky old humor-columnist dad was making them up."
Dave Barry, on his son's reaction to Bad Song Survey winner "MacArthur Park"

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"I'm Nash, and I couldn't make this shit up if I tried."
Nash, from every single episode of What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?.

"Driven to madness by the incessant basketball-dribbling of a bunch of young African-American fellows, Slim has decided to destroy the public court on which their noisy pastime is played by simulating a meteor strike. Dear God, I wish I had made up a single word of that previous sentence."
Josh Fruhlinger of The Comics Curmudgeon, on Gasoline Alley

"No, you didn't smoke anything, because that would mean that I would have smoked it, too!"
The Nostalgia Critic on the eggplant vehicle from the live-action version of Mr. Magoo

"I am dead fucking serious!"

"So now I'm just gonna show you how the fight ends, and I promise you ahead of time, I didn't edit this, I didn't add any special effects, I did nothing to this footage. People were actually paid to create this. This aired on national television. This was sold in stores."
Spoony on the final fight scene from Highlander: The Source. True to his word, all he did was add music from The Benny Hill Show, as well as cutting out a brief scene where Duncan and the Guardian stop their fight to exchange banter.

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"I did not make a single word of that up. All of these things are happening in this comic!"
Linkara after one Mind Screw too many from Marville.

Unable to defeat Doctor Doom, an elderly man with no combat training, Batman and Robin were especially at his mercy when he pulled out Trophy #44: an old hand grenade. Since this story was compiled from the mutterings of schizophrenic hobos, Batman survived by hiding behind a tiny building built for him by dwarves. Please allow me to prove that I'm not just typing random words.

This Is Still A True Story
—An onscreen caption from Pain and Gain during the scene where Paul is barbecuing the severed hands.

I didn't even edit that!

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(actual line)
— A lot of abridged scripts from The Editing Room.

I'm not making this up, you know.
Anna Russell, in her summary of the Ring Cycle, on the fact that Gudrune is the first woman Siegfried has ever met who isn't his aunt.

"THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE"
—An onscreen caption during the story of Xenu from the infamous South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet"

"Why are you wearing Han's clothes? (to the audience) Seriously, watch the actual movie. Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird."

"FUCKING SERIOUSLY, ACTUAL VIDEO TITLES. ACTUAL VIDEO TITLES. HOW DOES HE LIVE WITH HIMSELF?!?!"
—a caption from Diabetus, upon reading a number of PewDiePie's video titles

Another big change in the Mangaverse is the Punisher, a young woman who loses her parents to a tragic pogo stick accident and fights crime with the powers of BDSM by whipping, tickling, and spanking Korean mafia members. It's at this point that we must point out that absolutely none of the above is a joke.

"I couldn't make this up! I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! I am sad that I lack the talent to make this shit up!"

"I swear to God I didn't make a word of that up."

"Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is a stand-alone expansion to Far Cry 3 released in May 2013 for Xbox 360, PS3 and PC. Seemingly originating as an April Fools' joke, Blood Dragon is an homage to 1980s cartoons and action movies, starring Michael Biehn as rebuilt soldier Rex 'Power' Colt who must face down an army of evil cyborg soldiers in the toxic ashes of Vietnam War 2.

For emphasis: this is a real game."

Gen. Francis Maynard: Mr. President, for the past seven years, the United States Air Force has been sending teams to other planets by means of an alien device known as a stargate.
President Henry Hayes: (starts laughing) That's funny. That's very funny. My first day. This is a joke, right? I have a great sense of humour. I didn't know that you had one, but this is good because we're finding out about each other. Now I have to call the ex-President of Togo, and when I'm done, apparently the rest of the world is coming to an end.
Maynard: (dead serious) The ex-President of Togo will have to wait, sir. This is not a joke.

You're not part of the control group, by the way — you get the gel. Last poor sunuvagun got blue paint. Hah! ...All joking aside, that did happen. Broke every bone in his legs. Tragic... but informative! Or, so the lab boys tell me.
Cave Johnson, Portal 2

"And Yes, That Really Was Donald Trump"
— Ending credits, Ghosts Can't Do It

"[actual 4Kids dialogue]"
— caption from Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series whenever it uses a silly line exactly as it was spoken in the official dub

A giant, monstrous goldfish is attacking a major urban population. You read that correctly.
—"Revenge of the Flushed," The Secret World

Joyce: Yeah, [Parasaurolophus] has hollow chambers in its crest, just like a bombardier beetle! See, they coexisted with humanity, inspiring our modern myth of dragons!
Alt Text: this was an actual part of my childhood christian education, google this

Yes, this is canon. Thank you, Rouge Trader.
If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device explains where they got their characterization of the Custodes.

In “Death of a Nation,” the latest smirky documentary screed from the fake-historical-news factory of Dinesh D’Souza, there’s an astonishing section in which the filmmaker displays the legal statutes of Nazi Germany, all to demonstrate his thesis: that American liberalism was, and is, the Third Reich’s ideological sibling. (Yes, he’s really saying that. And no, you can’t make this s—t up.)
Owen Gleiberman on Death of a Nation: Can We Save America a Second Time?

It will appear a fabulous tale, but to amuse with fiction is not the design of this work.
Tacitus, The Annals, Book XI, commenting on how the Emperor Claudius' wife Messalina married another man in his absence.

Bub and Bob are dinosaurs who frolick in the nude
And they capture folks in bubbles and then turn them into food
But when their girlfriends are abducted by a penis in a cloak
Bub and Bob begin an epic quest, and it's no frickin' joke
Bubble Bobble (Bubble Bobble)
This game was real (This game was real)

No seriously, this is the long bio of the Loyal Subjects 8" vinyl figure.

It might be funnier if it wasn't true.
Tagline for Truth's "Fair Enough" ad campaign

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