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Quotes / Not Me This Time

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    Fan Works 
"I thought it would be so much harder than this. I've fought you before. Many times. You know that. In any of our other fights, by this time, we'd have knocked each other all the way to Metro Airport. What's wrong with you? Did somebody else get to you before I did?"
Focusing, the actor said, "So. It wasn't really you who. Did this to me?"
"Did what to you?"

    Live-Action TV 
"I know you'll find this hard to believe, but for once I mean you no harm."
The Master, Doctor Who: The Five Doctors

"Accusing America of creating Venezuela's crisis is about as fair as accusing O.J. Simpson of murdering Princess Diana. I'm not saying it would be completely out of character, it just happens to not be true in this particular instance!"
John Oliver discussing US relations with Venezuela, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
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    Literature 
"There were things Thor did when something went wrong. The first thing he did was ask himself if what had happened was Loki’s fault... Thor pondered. He did not believe that even Loki would have dared to steal his hammer. So he did the next thing he did when something went wrong, and he went to ask Loki for advice."

    Video Games 
Batman: So that's Protocol 10. Poison Gotham. I expected more.
Joker: Protocol 10?! [dramatic gasp] ...Never heard of it.

Carmelita: You crooks are so predictable: you always return to the scene of the crime.
Sly: Crime? I haven't stolen anything... yet.

Ike: The Black Knight tried to take the medallion from my father, and killed him. Tell me, Sephiran, whose plan was that?! Ashnard's... or yours?!
Sephiran: Sir Ike, I'm afraid your father's death was an unfortunate result of Zelgius's own personal agenda. I did not order Sir Gawain killed.

    Web Original 
Thor: (from offscreen) LOKIIIII!
Loki: I don't think I did anything to warrant that... today.

Alucard: Okay. First of all, I was minding my own busi-
Integra: BULLSHIT!
Alucard: I waaaas!

Goku: Cell...did you destroy South Galaxy?
Cell: There's a South Galaxy?
Goku: Forget you heard that.
Cell: No.

And you know you've passed through a wormhole when film censorship comes up in proximity with Nazis and they had nothing to do with it. It's kind of like finding Lex Luthor sipping margaritas while someone's shooting the Pacific Ocean with a freeze ray: it's hard to believe that he has nothing to do with it, but he's as confused as anyone here.
SF Debris, on the making of Metropolis

    Webcomics 
Dr Wily: Ivo! I can't believe you've been planning on betraying me so soon!
Dr Eggman: What? How did you figure that out?
Dr Wily: Because Metal Sonic kidnapped my family.
Dr Eggman: Oh... I had nothing to do with this.

    Western Animation 
"Fool! You have disrupted that order! For, are you ready for this, I have committed no recent crime!"
Ice King responding to Finn asking why it was wrong to lock him up this time, Adventure Time, "What Have You Done?"

"You gotta believe me! For once I'm actually innocent!"
Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls, "Not What He Seems"

Zim: WHAT!? Something's broken and it's not your fault!?
GIR: I know. I'm scared, too.
Invader ZIM, "Planet Jackers"

"Don't get me wrong, I love what you've done with the place. But I couldn't possibly take responsibility. I'm reformed. Remember?"
Discord, though he sort of was..., My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

Marge: Bart! NOOOO!
Bart: What?
Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa! NOOOO!

Blossom: What kind of evil have you disturbed upon our sister?
Mojo Jojo: You've got to be kidding. I'm wet, I'm naked, your sister is wearing my clothes, and this is all part of some evil plot to RULE THE WORLD AS A SOGGY CHIMP IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT!?
Blossom: Buttercup, I don't think Mojo's behind this one. That bonk to Bubbles' head must have led her to believe that she is Mojo Jojo.
Mojo Jojo: No really? Do you think?
The Powerpuff Girls, "Los Dos Mojos"
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