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Funny / Codex Equus

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Although Codex Equus is Darker and Edgier than canon with hefty doses of horror and Reality Ensues, there are still many moments of hilarity and humour to balance it out.


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    General (lore, nations, etc.)  
  • After the Changelings' aeons-long masquerade was finally broken, Crown Prince Bramble of Thicket started musing on how likely it is for a Changeling, like Emperor Blackthorn, to hide in the Alvslog Forest Realm in plain sight as one of them until the time came to strike. It just so happened that Captain Blackthorn arrives at the wrong time in the middle of the conversation, causing the royal family to imprison him for two days, under heavy guard and constantly probed by Seers and Druids until everyone was fully convinced that he wasn't a Changeling Emperor in disguise.
    Emperor Blackthorn: We are very much amused.
  • A scientist introduces a new self-moving cannon to Celestia and Luna. The targeting system leaves...much to be desired. At one point it even tries targeting itself... and fails. Even funnier? It's based off a real world thing.
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Characters

    Amina, the Selfless Saint 
  • Amina's first meeting with Blue Suede Heartstrings was... rather unexpected. By Blue's own admission, he had been playing some music when a traveling Griffon goddess suddenly approached him and said, "Hey! Wanna jam?". Blue was so startled that he fell out of the tree he was relaxing in.

    Elske Titanna 
A lot of what Elske the Jotunn Goddess of Love does is freaking hilarious as it is awesome and heartwarming.
  • Once, when an evil ice dragon of monstrous power who was slain ages again in Jotunnheim is about to be resurrected, and the Jotunn Love Goddess Elske and War Goddess Astrid were sent by their divine father to prevent his return. Elske, having got to him first, was so fascinated by the sight of such a being coming back from the dead she proceeded pepper the creature with questions and quips even as he spewed ice at her and tore the landscape with his claws. The resurrected ice dragon eventually grew so tired of Elske's fangirling that he threw himself into a volcano to get away from her. Without realizing it, Elske had defeated the dragon by literally talking it to death.
    • Even more hilarious were the reactions to this feat: Astrid arrived just in time to witness the undead frost wyrm throw himself into a volcano, having dithered to grab as many Jotunn and non-Jotunn heroes and worshipers with promises of 'an epic battle!'. According to Elske, Astrid would end up 'invented all the profanities' used by Jotunns and Deers to this day. The necromancer who resurrected the frost wyrm found his defeat so hilarious he quite literally laughed himself to death. His ghost is still laughing in Astrid's innards even after his body and surviving minions were eaten by Astrid as compensation for being denied an epic battle.

    Flœrð, the Maker of Mischief 

    Golden Scepter, the Radiant Emperor 
  • Golden Scepter's entry includes a subtle Take That! towards Warhammer 40,000, specifically the origins of the Emperor of Mankind - when he heard that some tabletop game writers made a theory of him being the collective reincarnation of various Pony mages, wizards, and sorcerers, Golden Scepter laughed and simply praised the writers' creativity.
  • While visiting the Bogolenya Deer pantheon during one of his adventures, he would hear about puns for the first time. Having never heard of such a thing in his time, he naturally gets curious enough to ask Yarost about it...
    Emperor Golden Scepter: What are... puns?
    Yarost: ...I think you should leave this place as fast as you can before you suffer a fate worse than death itself, Emperor.
    Emperor Golden Scepter: Why, pray tell?
    Yarost: ...SHE might come.
  • As a response to a question posed by one of his sons, Prince Emerald Lion, Golden Scepter apparently decided to tell his sons stories about the Alicorn Civilization's "free-love future", as well as his own sex life. This horrified and traumatized his sons so much that his eighth son, Prince Crimson Star, apparently bolted out of the royal Terran palace, screaming and singing at the top of his lungs, while his thirteenth son, Prince Written Word, was later found holed up in his room coiled in a Troubled Fetal Position.
  • Mixed with Awesome, one incident had Golden Scepter be confronted by Poena, the goddess of Punishment, and a small group of her followers for decrying them publicly as deluded extremists. He proceeded to utterly wipe the floor with them... then Katharsis showed up shortly after to take pictures of the losers, confusing the hell out of Golden Scepter as if he had never heard of people humiliating their enemies like that before.
  • The fact that Golden Scepter birthed nineteen sons during his marriage to the mortal pegasus mare, Blessed Skies, with somehow no daughter in-between, is hilarious in itself. Once, during a visit to the Terran Empire, Trixie Lulamoon discovered to her dismay that the royal family consisted of only divine Alicorn stallions. Golden Scepter reportedly found her subsequent reaction so hilarious that he laughed in acknowledgement.
    Trixie Lulamoon: It's nothing but a SAUSAGE FEST in here!
  • In one incident, a Griffon Autorist tried assassinating Golden Scepter for opposing the Autorist movement by sending him a magical plague bomb, which was thankfully stopped and contained by his twelfth son, Prince Death Shroud. However, instead of being understandably rattled by the fact that someone tried to kill him and his family with an explosive full of deadly diseases, Golden Scepter is rather nonchalant about it and treats the plague bomb like he had just found a really dirty sock.
    Emperor Golden Scepter: This smells slightly better than the poison one of my chefs tried lacing my spaghetti with a few weeks ago.
    • What makes this doubly hilarious is that the plague bomb itself is very foul-smelling - so much that even Death Shroud himself apparently unleashed a string of inflammatory curses. That must mean that Golden Scepter's aforementioned poison-laced spaghetti smelled so bad that the plague bomb's odor seemed "slightly" mild to him in comparison.
    • A Codexverse drabble reveals what exactly happened a few weeks ago: A Terran chef, Gilded Stove, who is secretly an agent of Autorist factions both in and out of the Terran Empire, tried to score a victory by lacing Golden Scepter's spaghetti with poisonous acid. What Gilded Stove didn't know is that having lived for millions of years, Golden Scepter is used to assassination attempts, and is so disappointed in what he saw as a pathetic and completely uncreative attempt to kill him that he snidely gives Gilded Stove a suggestion to seek an apprenticeship under his demi-divine sons... who all think that their father is being genuine and beg Golden Scepter to reconsider. Even funnier is Golden Scepter informing Gilded Stove that he can't guarantee the chef's safety if he does decide to learn how to become a better assassin. Gilded Stove ultimately decides to surrender and turn himself in rather than face a likely horrible death at the hooves of all nineteen Terran Princes, who are very angry with him for trying to murder their father.
      Emperor Golden Scepter: ...Seriously? THIS is what you are trying to kill me with? I have endured thousands, if not MILLIONS of assassination attempts in my lifetime, and most of them would rightly be seen as 'impossible' if I were to retell them. And the most creative method you can think of is... is... lacing my spaghetti with ACID? I am disappointed in you, Gilded Stove. VERY disappointed. If you want to kill me, then DO IT RIGHT. In fact, perhaps you can seek an apprenticeship in chemistry under my twelfth son, Death Shroud...
      Prince Death Shroud: Father, NO.
      Emperor Golden Scepter: ...Or psionic sorcery under Crimson Star...
      Prince Crimson Star: Father, you can't be serious!
      Emperor Golden Scepter: ...Or physical combat under Red Blade...
      Prince Red Blade: You actually WANT me to train your would-be killer, Father?
      Emperor Golden Scepter: ...Or psychological warfare under Fanged Paw and Night Shade-
      Prince Fanged Paw: FATHER, STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS!
      Prince Night Shade: CEASE AND DESIST!
      Emperor Golden Scepter: ...Well, you get the picture. There is a lot of choices for you to make, but do keep in mind that should you ever decide to become a student of any of my sons, I cannot guarantee your physical and mental safety. My sons ARE leaders of their own legions, after all... So what will it be, Gilded Stove? Do you want to learn? Or do you want to make your life easier by doing the right thing instead?
  • After dealing with running an empire, the public uproar from "Mr. Boar" and Trench Bull's arrest and imprisonment, petitions from numerous deities to have the Terran Empire's most dangerous criminals transferred to their jurisdiction once they expire, and trying to prevent his own sons from taking matters into their own hooves, a rather frazzled Golden Scepter gives his answer to the visiting Four Terrors like an exasperated father whose children kept bugging him to buy some toys they saw in the shop window:
    Emperor Golden Scepter: I love all four of you dearly, but my answer is still the same: I will think about it. Running an empire is by itself not an easy task, as you may know. I have also been swamped the past few weeks with requests for divine jurisdiction over the souls of those I have now imprisoned in my dungeons - including the deities of the Grittish pantheon, the Wicked Reaper of the Three Deaths, and especially Poena and her fanatics. Why, just yesterday, I was even visited by one of the Wicked Reaper's adoptive nephews, whom I recall is the twin brother of that travelling musician my granddaughter, Mercy, became a huge fan of recently. And do not get me started on my sons. With the condemnation of Mr. Boar and Trench Bull, I now have my hooves all over the place trying to prevent them from enacting bloody vengeance on the prisoners... however understandable my sons' reasons might be.
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    Mignons, the Yellow Minions 

    Phykti, the Baroness of Torment 

    Prince Crimson Star, the Red Scholar 

    Prince Fanged Paw, the Savage Wolf 
  • One incident had him greet his younger brothers, Crimson Star and Written Word, in the palace libraries after he came back presumably from a trip. He didn't realize that his divinely-powered voice was on, causing a large pile of books to fall on Written Word. Crimson Star was not pleased. Thankfully, Written Word was relatively unharmed.
    Fanged Paw: GREETINGS, MY SCHOLARLY BROTHERS! I HAVE COME BACK FROM- o-oh...
    Crimson Star: Equus-damned to Tartarus, Brother! Don't shout like that in the palace libraries! Now look what happened!
    Fanged Paw: Ah- ahem. My apologies... is Written Word doing alright?
    Written Word: I-I'm okay! I think!
  • A recent drabble revealed that while a peerless demigod warrior, leader and hero, there are some things which to say he simply isn't good at would be an... understatement. He once accidentally summoned very confused demons and a storm inside the Terran Imperial Palace... while trying to make TOAST.
    • Another Codex drabble reveals that his attempt to make onion casserole ended up summoning hordes of what Cultura called Beholders and Illithids. Cue Fanged Paw desperately trying to resolve the situation by himself, while his adoptive niece, Mercy, is freaking out and screaming for Red Blade.
      Mercy: AAAAAAH!!! PAPA, THERE'S A TENTACLED MONSTER INSIDE THE OVEN!!!
      Prince Fanged Paw: HOLD ON, MERCY, JUST LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS!
  • In another shout-out to the hilarious antics of Looping!Leman Russ from an The Infinite Loops spin-off, Fanged Paw at one point was refused a request by Inquisitor Adamantia for her to use her inquisitorial powers to requisition a vehicle, just because he wanted to take Rainbow Dash out with him for joyriding. He even tried to tug her sympathy by lifting and having one of his enormous war-wolf companions do Puppy-Dog Eyes, much to the Inquisitor's own incredulity.

    Prince Steel Barricade, the Unbreakable Architect 
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    Scarlet Bell, the Whistleblower 
  • When Crystal Prism and Midnight Bell heard of Scarlet Bell's past adventures, they were so surprised that they simultaneously exclaimed, "Holy shit!" Scarlet, being a Cool Old Lady, would only reply, "Hehe, 'holy shit' indeed."

    Temnobog, the Dark One 
  • Mixed with Awesome, in one incident, he mooned his parents' angelic servants to spite the Elternteil Deer Pantheon for driving his magically powerful older brother, Kúzelník, away with their toxic and hypocritical behavior. Belyolen is not pleased.
    Kúzelník: Does he... do this often?
    Belyolen: ...Unfortunately, yes.

    Valefor 

    Yarost, the Prince of Murder 
  • His reactions to Phykti's terrible jokes are a source of comedy on their own. Being the divine embodiment of Fury and Hatred, you'd expect him to fly into a destructive rage. Instead, he does things like jump off a cliff or leap through the nearest window.

Events

    Storm King Crisis 
  • One canonized drabble has Gleaming Shield, the Hero of Time (who was under the alias of "Quarter Hearts" at the time) facing off against a platoon of Storm Warriors led by a Yeti captain. The Yeti mocks the 'prissy pansy' Pony for daring to face them, thinking he's just a pacifistic pushover who doesn't even know what's a weapon like the other Equestrians. Gleaming Shield responded by bringing out... a strange bird, throwing it at them, and running like demons are on his tail. One smash-cut later, the Sole Survivor of the platoon is reduced to a quivering mess on the floor of his cell, repeating over and over again about "The beaks... the beaks...!".

    The Giant Wars 

    Revenge of Apertus 

    Toxikon Crisis 

    Temptation Unbound 

    Final Ragnarok 

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