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Quotes / The Alcoholic

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Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
Oh alcohol, I still drink to your health...
Barenaked Ladies, "Alcohol"

"I fought against the bottle, but I had to do it drunk."
Leonard Cohen, "That Don't Make It Junk"

"S/he needs alcohol to get through the working day."

"Alcohol is one of mankind's friends. Can I abandon a friend?"

Richie: What's in this?!
Eddie: Brandy!
Richie: Good!
Richie: [sarcastically with an effeminate voice and camp gesture] Drambuie?! Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh!
Eddie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright! You've gotta put something in for the birds, haven't you?
Richie: [taking a whiff] Jesus! How are you alive?!
Estate executor: Next, to my alcoholic brother...
Hedge: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!
Estate executor: To dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life...
Hedge: I'm covering up my head! (takes cover)
Estate executor: ...I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey...
Hedge: (raises head) ...really?
Estate executor: And a boot to the head!

"To alcohol—the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!"

Starstruck, Bronyism

God, I'd give anything for a goddamn soul, for just a glass of beer...
Jack Torrance, The Shining

"99 bottles of vodka on the wall! 99 bottles of vodkaaaa! Shoopity doopity doopity doop!"

"I'm scared if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me."

"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."
— Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

"I must drink beer. Beer is the mind killer. Beer brings the hangover that causes total obliteration. I will scull my beer. I will let it pass through me, till only urine remains!"
Captain Proton and the Planet of Lesbians

"Have some whiskey, honey! Makes ya feel better!"
Mother Grandma, from Liam Kyle Sullivan's "Kelly" shorts

Captain Billy Bones: Rum Jim. Fetch me rum.
Jim: I can't, Captain! I promised Dr. Livesy.
Captain Billy Bones: Oh, hang all doctors. Give me rum.

"I'm just trying to make a living, you know, booze costs money. Usually."

Winter: [indignantly] He was drunk!
Glynda: He's always drunk!
RWBY (on Qrow)

"Oh God it hurts. She got me right in the goddamn liver Morty! It's the hardest working liver in the galaxy Morty! And now it has a hole in it."
Rick, Rick and Morty

"I don't drink anymore. 'Course I don't drink any less either."
Male Dwarf joke, World of Warcraft

“Why are you drinking? - the little prince asked.
- In order to forget - replied the drunkard.
- To forget what? - inquired the little prince, who was already feeling sorry for him.
- To forget that I am ashamed - the drunkard confessed, hanging his head.
- Ashamed of what? - asked the little prince who wanted to help him.
- Ashamed of drinking! - concluded the drunkard, withdrawing into total silence.

See, fun fact about Officer Eiffel: Dougie Boy doesn't like to have a drink. Dougie Boy doesn't like to have two drinks, or four drinks, or six drinks. Doug likes to have twelve drinks. Fifteen drinks. But when Doug has a kid, he thinks it's time to go the full Robert Downey Jr.. He goes to meetings, gets cleaned up. And then one day - one bad day - he has one drink. One. Then it's showtime folks! The Doug Eiffel Limbo: How Low Will He Go?!
Doug Eiffel, Wolf 359

I know that one less vodka cranberry tonight
And I could feed some foreign family for a fortnight
But I might just have one more
After all, what is vodka for?
Apart from making you wanna shag your best mate's wife
And dampening the guilt you feel about your perfect life
Tim Minchin, Fuck The Poor

Randy: Mr. Lahey, is that you, or the liquor talking?
Lahey: Randy... I am the liquor.

And you know that I'll pick up every time you call, just thinking 'one more time'—Alcohol!
Gogol Bordello, Alcohol

His dipsomania had gained considerable ground since his last serious episode, and when he awoke, his first instinct was to open a beer and begin the measured process of filtering reality for the rest of the day. It was a fine art, and he'd read once that Italian fishermen had long since mastered it. They would drink steadily throughout the day, beginning as their boats set out to sea and their nets were cast, but always pacing themselves so not to reach the tipping point of total inebriation. It was not an easy discipline, since wine has a thirst all of its own, but Riaz followed the regime during daylight hours. It was only at twilight that he allowed himself to lose control entirely, and his thoughts turned to a certain story – or maybe it was a fable – written by F. Scott Fitzgerald in the 1920s of a dipso who had lost himself and climbed into the bottle for a couple of decades but who, after sobering up, found himself a total stranger in the New York he'd never actually left.
Decay, by Mark Samuels

Above my bunk, Vinegar Irish is asleep and snoring in his bed. He won't see me leave the dormitory room. After drinking so much this evening - the cleaning liquid with the wet paint smell that I stole from the stores for him - he climbed into bed on his hands and knees with eyes looking at nothing in particular. Most mornings it takes me over twenty minutes to wake him for our work upstairs behind the reception desks. He drinks all day, can remember nothing, and needs his sleep. His face is purple with veins and his lumpy nose smells of bad yeast.
Doll Hands, by Adam L G Nevill

You wouldn't peg Trev as a Hermetic these days. Now he's more of a drunk veteran. He shows up at Perilous almost nightly, mumbling war stories to anybody who'll listen (and plenty who won't). He never dances, but makes up for it by drinking a lot.
Mage: The Ascension - The Orphan's Survival Guide

Have ye heard aboot the Beer of the Month Club? Well, I joined the Beer All at Once Club.
The Demoman, Ring of Fired

Armitage: Where are we going?
Peg: An inn.
The Dog: Yes! Do Faeries have sherry? They must do, right? Booze is the first thing any intelligent species invents. Sherry must exist here.
Armitage: Why an inn?
Peg: That is where we will find the Queen's contact. He is an awful creature who drinks too much and he falls unconscious every night.
The Dog: Sounds awesome.
Clockwork City, by Paul Crilley

Constantine: Who the fuck would let you run a pub?
Brendan: [lying on the floor, surrounded by empty glasses] I'm only mindin' it for Thick Davy, John. He's on his holidays. It's been a veritable triumph, but: I'm tellin' yeh, by simply doin' away wi' outmoded concepts like licensin' laws an' payin' for drink, I've created Heaven on Earth.
Hellblazer: Son Of Man

Mrs Greenough sniffs and looks around the hall. "I can smell alcohol. Someone in this room has been drinking. We should find out who it is and make them swallow hot lead."
I am confident that the person who has been drinking alcohol is Mrs Greenough herself. Her breath smells of mint, but there is also the heady aroma of gin, cider, brandy, sherry, and petroleum.
The Life Of A Teenage Body-Snatcher

"I think I have liver damage. Also, we're out of wine."
Eliot, The Magicians

He/She needs alcohol to get through the working day.
— Universal descriptor for dwarves, Dwarf Fortress

    Real Life 

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. 'Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic.' 'Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus.' One of those two doesn’t sound right.

"I told my buddy Richie, I said 'You know, it's true you have a disease and everything, but... I think you have the best one.' It's the only disease where you get to drink booze all the time. Now, I haven't read every medical journal, but I believe... I believe it's the only disease where you get to constantly drink booze. As a matter of fact, that is the disease."

People who public with their newly found sobriety have an alarming tendency to relapse. Consider those pathetic celebrities who check into rehab and hold a press conference....People who tell everyone they've gone two weeks without a drink are on thin ice.

An alcoholic is someone who can violate his standards quicker than he can lower them.

It usually takes two liters of vodka just to make me feel warm inside.

"But those passages of pointless linguistic pirouetting? The arguments that don’t track if you look beneath the bravura phrasing? Forgive the cliché: that was the booze talking."
Katha Pollitt, on Christopher Hitchens


Example of: