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Hedge Trimmer

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"Look! The Shut the Fuck Up Fairy has come to bless your very long story."

For the literal hedge trimmers and other power tools used as weapons in fiction, see Chainsaw Good.

A lot of polite wiki authors are uncomfortable with outright deleting fragments or directly re-writing the work of others to reflect concise, impartial observation. Instead of removing the incorrect information or biased statements, or turning a one word example into a complete comprehensible sentence, they add their own thoughts, elaborations, and counterpoints to the existing text. Over time, this results in sprawling examples and trope descriptions full of contradictions and weasel words and long meandering discussions spanning multiple bullet points. These are hard to read and while well intentioned, this behavior can create redundant and confusing tangles of Purple Prose and Non Sequitur. But to many, it would be rude to do anything to actually fix the problem, since it would require deleting so much that others have written with the best of intentions.


The Hedge Trimmer has no such hangups.

The Hedge Trimmer is a merciless subspecies of Lumper more interested in maintaining articles than starting them. To these tropers, a trope article or works page is like a garden. A garden in need of trimming.

Walls of Text are overgrown shrubs to prune into topiary. Thread Mode is an unpleasant vine that infests example sections. Natter is a parasitic moss that grows on other statements. Bits of (perceived) Fancruft are stinkweeds that kill bees and eat birds. Word Cruft is Alien Kudzu. The Hedge Trimmer seeks and destroys all of them.

A full blown Signal-to-Noise Train Wreck may induce Tranquil Fury.

Tolerable levels of cruft vary depending on the individual hedge trimmer, and can be influenced by how amusing the rambling is or how long a clear explanation needs to be. In extreme cases, Too Long; Didn't Read is used unironically, and even for the most tolerant shear-wielders some articles are thought not to dignify the use of the scrollbar. Additionally, Discussion pages tend to be glossed over like Martian instruction manuals.note 


While they can tear through articles like a chainsaw-wielding psycho through a group of camp councilors, most Hedge Trimmers do have the best of intentions. Whatever the standards of the appropriate format, they will cut and mutilate their targets to fit. Ultimately the Hedge Trimmer's goal is leaving a page they edit in a clearer and more pleasant to read state.

The wise Hedge Trimmer will quickly learn that a very good grasp of grammar, and attention to when nuance and detail are important, can help avoid Edit Wars.


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