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Insane Troll Logic on the Internet... excuse us, specific examples of ITL on the 'net.


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    Fora 
  • From a post on the Doctor Who Forums, arguing that Vincent van Gogh is the Master in disguise:
    1. van Gogh, as we discover in "Vincent and the Doctor", is mad. The Master is also mad.
    2. van Gogh was deeply unpopular with the local rubes. The Master was terribly charismatic and brilliant at manipulating local rubes to his advantage (cf. "The Dæmons"). If the Master were trying to hide his true nature, what better way than to appear deeply unpopular with the locals?
    3. van Gogh could see the Krafayis when nobody else could see it. This is probably a Time Lord ability to see things nobody else can see.
    4. Alternatively, a bio-upgrade of some sort given to him offscreen during "The Mark of the Rani".
    5. No one can agree on the correct pronunciation of "van Gogh". Got to be an allusion to the many different names the Master has used throughout his career.
    6. I seem to recall in one serial during the seventies the Master expressed an interest in painting.
    7. The name "Vincent van Gogh" is an anagram of "Vincent van Gogh", the alias used by the Master in this story.
    8. Tony Curran. Anthony Tony Ainley. Do I have to spell this out, people?
    9. Being a man, he's definitely not Susan, Romana, the Rani or Rose, the only other possible candidates for a character in a Doctor Who story. Although there is a slim chance he is secretly the eighth Doctor, played by Paul McGann.
    10. In one of the deleted scenes for this episode, van Gogh laughs maniacally and screams, "I am the Master", before turning into the Master.
    I believe the evidence is clear.
  • From a truly epic post on one of GameFAQs's social boards, apparently talking about the origins of Winnie-the-Pooh:
    Pooh backwards is Hoop. Like hula hoops, right?... Hula was invented in Hawaii. Hawaii was once part of an Asian country. Japan is in Asia... Japan was nuked. Microwaves also nuke... Microwave... Micro! Micro means very small, like the chances I have of getting a date. Date... A calendar often tells dates. Calendars also often have pictures. Mostly pictures of puppies. Puppies grow up to be dogs. Like hot dogs! The best hot dogs are found in New York. New York has the Yankees. The Yankees fought the Confederates. The Dukes of Hazzard had a Confederate flag on their car. Hazard... the word has a Z. Z's normally signify sleeping. Sleeping leads to dreams. In some dreams you're flying... flying like a plane. The Wright Brothers flew the first plane. And they were brothers. Like the show Band of Brothers. That series was about a war. And about WWII! WWII had Nazis. And Hitler. Hitler spelled backwards is Reltih, which makes no sense. Sense, like SPIDER SENSE. Spider-Man used spider sense to fight the Green Goblin. Green, green was the color used by Sailor Jupiter in that one cartoon. Jupiter... Jupiter has moons! Like Callisto. Callisto was also a gun in the game Perfect Dark. Dark... Moon... Jupiter? Winnie the Pooh is from the dark side of Jupiter's moon, Callisto!
    • The best part may be how he gets this close to making a reasoning using World War II, evades it to go on a different tangent, and then goes back to WWII later on.
  • A poster on Yahoo! Answers' infamous Religion & Spirituality forum once used the following argument to "prove" said forum was Satan
    "Devil" spelled backwards is "lived". Does this mean Satan is now dead?
    Also, "devil" pronounced backwards is "livid". He must be pissed about being dead.
    And if you take "livid", drop the first and last letters, and convert what remains into a single symbol, you get M, who is James Bond's boss. As we know, the James Bond series was written by Ian Fleming, who is not to be confused with fellow writer Anne Fleming, who comes from Canada, which is also the name of an indie-folk-rock band, "band" being a word meaning "a belt, strap, or ring". And if you've won a belt in the ring, you're probably a wrestler, which is derived from a much more real sport that was very popular in ancient Greece, which sounds like "grease" which is a substance found in many fatty foods including chips, which are a key component in the manufacture of computers, the invention of which is attributed to Alan Turing (1912-1954). 1954 is when the first nuclear powered submarine was launched. It was called the Nautilus, named after the submarine driven my Captain Nemo, who was once played by James Mason. "Mason" is used as shorthand for "Freemason", which uses a draftsman's compass in their logo. Compass also refers to a navigational instrument which uses the earth's magnetic fields to point North, which is the opposite of South, which is where fried chicken comes from, "chicken" being slang for a kilogram of cocaine, which used to be used in the manufacture of Coca-Cola, makers of Sprite, a type of mythical water spirit, "spirit" being the root of the word "spirituality" as in "Religion & Spirituality", therefore R&S is Satan!

    Let's Play 

    Machinima 
  • Red vs. Blue:
    • Used hilariously in Episode 2 of Revelation. Best of all, Simmons was not actually trying to send a coded message, yet Sarge is completely correct!
      Grif: [after what appears to have been a completely ordinary radio conversation] Simmons sounded good. I guess he's got everything under control.
      Sarge: Donut and Lopez are dead and Agent Washington has taken Simmons prisoner.
      Grif: What? Everything sounded fine to me!
      Sarge: Think about it. How do you answer the radio at our base?
      Grif: Thank you for calling Red Base, this is Private Grif, how may I assist you today?
      Sarge: And we've drilled that since day one! Simmons answered "Hi." That was my first clue.
      Grif: So maybe he's just ups-
      Sarge: He also said that the radio was in disrepair. When has Lopez ever let something go without the proper maintenance?
      Grif: Never.
      Sarge: And look at the time.
      Grif: Can't, clock's broken.
      Sarge: It's 17:30! And everybody knows that 17:30 is...
      Grif: Donut's daily wine and cheese hour!
      Sarge: I didn't hear any tinkling glasses. Did you?
      Grif: You're right!
      Sarge: He also mentioned that the weather was "rainier", and as we all know, Mt. Rainier is the biggest land mass in the state of... Washington.
      Grif: We do? Uh, I mean, we do!
      Sarge: How many Washingtons do we know?
      Grif: Did he mean Agent Washington?
      Sarge: And who's the biggest mass we know associated with Washington?
      Grif: The Meta!
      Sarge: So the Meta and Washington have teamed up to kill Donut and Lopez, and now they're holding Simmons and Doc prisoner.
      Grif: We have to help them! Wait, Doc? How do you know he's there?
      Sarge: Please, Grif, it's so obvious! I don't want to insult your intelligence by explaining every little detail.
    • Caboose does this frequently.
      Caboose: Time... line? Time is not made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!
    • Wash gets a moment of his own in episode 5 of season 10 when he and York first meet North's AI, Theta, and he concludes that it's weird for Theta to be small, yet somehow it's perfectly normal for York's AI Delta to be small... because Delta is green. In the words of York:
      York: How does that even make sense?

    Podcasts 
  • Welcome to Night Vale: Night Vale runs on this trope. For example, the reason they are fighting the Blood Space War, as explained in "Lost In The Mail", is because they believe that if the war ends, then the war will never end, and therefore they have to continue it forever so that it might one day end.

    Web Animation 
  • Nagato uses this fairly often in An Akatsuki's Life, to great success: During the Hangover arc, a talking cat explained to the Akatsuki that for understanding the events of the previous night, they had to follow the piglet's tail. Nagato's deciphering is as follows:
    Nagato: Well, in some language "tail" means "cola", and a piglet is often called "coca". So the answer is "Follow the Coca-cola"
  • Used in Ducktalez 6 to figure out Quackerjack's plan, as a reference to the 60's Batman series.
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    Web Original 
  • Feeding The Trolls, as is obvious by the title, deals with a lot of these arguments in the videos covered, but even then some truly special arguments like "Because I don't masturbate, I can literally get away with murder" and "Halloween is a new age liberal atheist communist Illuminati plot to promote communism, devil worship and Big Government" and "The Sun revolves around the Earth because if you wind up an old-fashioned clock, the key spins, and if you hold it by the key, the clock spins. But either way, that key is spinning" pop out on occasion.
  • The openly white nationalist/Neo-Nazi webcomic Stonetoss unsurprisingly has a lot of this. Some examples include a black person asking for reparations for slavery and a white person saying they should only get it if white people get payment for abolishing it, never mind that that makes about as much sense as a bank robber saying he should get paid for giving up robbing banks. There's also an anti-gay comic showing someone shoving a hotdog up their butt to suggest gay sex is bad, even though if you follow that same train of logic you would have to conclude that penis in vagina sex is bad as well as you presumably wouldn't put a hot dog in your vagina. Much more on the comic in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdbwZbK7kGo

    Websites 
  • asdf.com:
    ""asdf" converted into Morse code is .- ... -.. ..-. If you take the .'s and convert them to 0's and take the -'s and convert them to 1's, you get the binary number of 010001000010, which is 1090 in decimal. The year 1090 just happens to be 2 years after Christodoulos of Patmos, supported by Emperor Alexius I Komnenos, founded the monastery of Saint John the Theologian on Patmos. Only * 4* years after the year 1090 AD... The First Crusade (1095-99) captured Jerusalem; and the Latin Kingdom of Jerusalem begins. Now because the Crusade on Jerusalem happened only a short time after the crucial year 1090, we can convert the letters ASDF into the ancient Hebrew alphabet, and we get Aleph Vov Daled Samech (because of the differences in alphabets, these might not be accurate translations). We take the letters, and convert them into one word. Alephvovdaledsamech — which converted phonetically sounds like "A lef volv da leads a mech". We can then read these sounds into words, and we get "A left Volvo does leads a mech." Going further, we get "A left Volvo does lead the mechanics", or "A left Volvo does lead the mechanical industry". We can then read into it, that a "left Volvo", obviously a car made in a country where you drive on the left side of the road, will one day lead the mechanical, or automobile industry. Ford Motors Inc. must have found out about this information before I could disclose it to you — for they just bought Volvo. Ford is obviously trying to change this age-old Hebrew prophecy, and claim the automobile industry for themselves! You must rally the people! To the top of Mount Sinai! We shall stop them yet! ARMAGEDDON HAS BEGUN!!!!!
  • CollegeHumor
    • "Deceptive Deceptions". The fictional narrator "uncovers" an Ancient Conspiracy by tying together about two-and-a-half dozen people, companies, and organizations by truly nonsensical connections and flimsy associations. Case in point: John Candy.
    • An "Extreme Anti-Smoking Ad" which basically says that smoking will eventually turn you into a Terminator.
  • A commenter on this Not Always Right story suggests that the reason the customer came to the conclusion that the small drink was bigger than the large was because nothing is bigger than the large and the small is bigger than nothing.
  • Gaming news site Rock Paper Shotgun presents the facts about harmful gaming.
    Nearly twice as many Americans own gun-displaying consoles than those who own the types of guns that require a license and paperwork to purchase. No such paperwork is necessary when buying an Xbox, and yet still teenagers will kill each other in the streets.
  • According to Something Awful's "The Learning Triangle", copper is made of circles, which is a lie because the Earth is not round, while triangles make up all other elements as well as mountains and are proof of Jesus.
  • In Wolfram Alpha it is explained why fire engines are red:
    Because they have eight wheels and four people in them, and eight plus four make twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and ships sail seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red. That is why the fire engines are red.

    Web Video 
  • The Angry Video Game Nerd delves into this in his review of Hong Kong 97; all of his lines of logic keep coming back to the number 97, and the Nerd wants to know why this keeps happening. The conclusion he reaches is that the game is the meaning of life, and life is reproduction and food, the latter of which becomes excrement. In other words, Hong Kong 97 is "fucking shit".
  • Played for laughs by Jeremy Jahns in his rant about the supposed 2012 apocalypse see here: [1]
  • Code MENT, like most Abridged Series, lives on this.
    C.C.: You're a whole new level of stupid.
    Lelouch: Ah, but who is more stupid? A person trying to kill themselves, or a person trying to kill a person trying to kill themselves?!
    C.C.:
    Lelouch: Yeah, that's what I thought.
  • In Death Note: The Abridged Series (kpts4tv), after learning his sister is in Los Angeles, Light worries about what might happen to her, having watched movies about what goes on in L.A. Mr. Yagami follows this train of "logic" and concludes that L.A. is going to get invaded by space aliens.
  • Decker: During Port of Call: Hawaii, terrorists take over Hawaii while Decker is there. He tries to contact agent Kingston only to find out that he is also in Hawaii:
    Decker: "You mean to tell me Agent Kingston is in Hawaii? That's where the terrorists are. Kingston's working with terrorism."
  • In Jojos Bizarre Adventure Abridged, Joseph finally (not really) figures out the secret of Dio's Stand:
    Joseph: Wait a minute... time! Kronos was the god of time in Greek mythology. Greece won the Euro Cup in 2004. George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004. George W. Bush was impersonated in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Kal Penn is in Barack Obama's administration. Will Smith looks like Barack Obama. Will Smith's son is going to be in the next Karate Kid — oh my god I got it!!
  • Played for laughs by LoadingReadyRun with Detective Riley, a recurring character who takes one look at a crime scene and uses free-associational logic to determine the culprit. Even though he's always right — the police have already reached the same conclusion through completely rational means.
    Detective Riley: What have we here?
    Officer Rodriguez: A drug deal gone bad. Real bad.
    Riley: Well, the way I see it is this: the last ship that came into port here was the "Queen of Seville." Saint Isidore of Seville, patron saint of the Internet, born in 560 AD — the same year Ethelbert succeeded his father Iormic as King of Kent. Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter, patrols Metropolis as Superman, also known by his Kryptonian name Kal-el. The L Word, popular TV show about lesbians, and who doesn't like lesbians? I'll tell you who — your murderer, Jeff Greenwood, known to the police as Jeffy G.
    Rodriguez: That was fascinating, but... we kinda already knew that. Jeffy G admitted the whole thing on his YouTube channel this morning.
    Riley: Outstanding.
  • None Piece: Zoro in Episode 4 while ranting with Buggy DEFINITELY counts.
    *After Buggy has stabbed Zoro in the back*
    Zoro: "DAMMIT! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
    Buggy: "..."
    Zoro: "FUCK! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! GOD!"
    Buggy: "...You cut me into pieces."
    Zoro: "I WAS FUCKING KIDDING! ...FUCK YOU! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
  • The Nostalgia Critic:
    • The critic uses this when he gets a friendly message from The Angry Video Game Nerd to find a hidden code. After ridiculous leaps of logic and cryptography that would make a Dan Brown protagonist proud, he concludes that it's absolutely nothing. Until viewed in a mirror, that is...
    • Done to hilarious effect in Kickassia when the Nostalgia Critic is rallying the others to invade Molassia. He convinces his friends that they want to be like the Nazis right after condemning them for being like the Nazis.
    • Later, Sage uses another variant of this when he comes to the conclusion that holding an Uzi makes you immortal, the reasoning being he's holding one right now and he's still alive. He also claimed smoking was not only healthy for you, but was highly recommended for pregnant women. Though that time he was just holding the chart upside down.
    • Benzaie is French, which is the language of love. Therefore if you can't understand him, you can't understand love.
  • Cook St Productions' Pitch Perfect 237, which as the title would suggest, parodies Room 237 (and theories about "hidden messages" in pop culture in general) by using free association to prove that Pitch Perfect is about 9/11. Along the way, the narrator also makes the offhand claim that actor/singer Harry Connick Jr. is responsible for the terrorist attacks because his birthday falls on September 11th.
  • The Rap Critic calls this out in one of his "Worst Lyrics I've Ever Heard" videos.
    Ace Hood: You fall in love with all these bitches that's a no-no! You pillow talking with these hoes, you's a homo!
    Rap Critic: Really now? So talking to a woman is what qualifies you as gay.
    • Cue a skit illustrating the ridiculousness of this.
      Rap Critic: (in bed) Oh my god, baby, I have to tell you, that was some of the best-
      RC (as a woman) Oh my god, my boyfriend's gay!
      RC: (as Ace Hood) HOMO!!! The only three words you should say to a woman in bed after sex are "where's", "my", and "sandwich"!
  • In The Abridged Series Scootertrix the Abridged:
    • In episode 4, Applejack goes to crazy lengths to insist she's growing mangoes, not apples.
      Twilight: Applejack! There are apples on your flank! The word "apple" is in your name! You're growing apples!
      Applejack: Oh, no, Twilight. No, you see, my name's just a bad joke.
      Twilight: What?
      Applejack: No, really, it's a pun. Listen: maaaaaaaango. Maaaangoooooooo—
      Twilight: Shut up!
      Applejack: No, it's not a pun, it's something else.
    • Pinkie, of all ponies, indulges in this in episode 13, when trying to explain the disappearing/reappearing racer stickers:
      Pinkie: Well, maybe it's some sort of an... illusion. You know, this one time I thought these trees were llamas, but instead they were just high-powered attorneys.
      Spike: Wow, I... I don't know what to say to that.
  • From A Slap On Titan: Carla Yeager was a prostitute and slept with Hannes. Eren wants revenge on the Titans because if they didn't invade Wall Maria she wouldn't have slept with Hannes (and everyone else) years ago. Therefore, it's the Titans' fault.
    Eren: GOD DAMMIT, HANNEEEEEEES!!!
  • The Youtube Channel "Spirit Science" is rather infamous for this. He claims that Atlantis was destroyed by Martians, that Jews were time-travelling aliens, that the fact that there are no records about Akhenaten's family means he was conceived immaculately, that under the Sphinx is a giant underground city, which was not unveiled to the public because Paramount Pictures did not have enough money, that a woman in South America used her spirit energy to take a spaceship out of the pyramid to fight grey aliens and many more claims, and that the story of the exodus in The Bible becomes more believable when people think that the Hebrews came from space.
  • This is Akihiko Kayaba's thought patterns for his A God Am I attitude in Sword Art Online Abridged: after spending three weeks without sleep finishing up the game, he learns that there's a bug that accidentally kills players in real life if their characters die in game. Scared that this would harm the game's Metacritic score, he decided the best thing to do was go on a power trip and intentionally get the players killed. When Asuna and Kirito call him out on that, Kayaba admits being sleep-deprived doesn't do wonders for your mental state.
  • Totalbiscuit uses troll logic in one of his many sponsored commercials for Squarespace:
    Totalbiscuit: (Reading potential New Years Resolutions for his viewers):...Fix your terrible website. Aha! Now here's something that any idiot could do. "But Totalbiscuit!", you say, "I don't have a website." Oh, don't think you're getting out of this that easily. Zero is still a number, so your website, whether it exists or not, is still terrible. This logic is infallible, because it's based on mathematics, and mathematics can't be wrong. In a similar fashion, you can't go wrong with Squarespace-dot-com-slash-cooptional.
  • Ultra Fast Pony:
    • Rarity is making dresses for her friends, and asks Rainbow Dash what she wants her dress to look like:
      Rainbow: I wanna look like my parents.
      Rarity: Well, what do they look like?
      Rainbow: I dunno? I was dead before they were born.
      Rarity: Wait. You were dead before they were born?
      Rainbow: Obviously, if they haven't been born yet, then I must still be dead? Duh.
      Rarity: That's a... interesting ideology.
      Rainbow: Ideology? I'm not Buddhist.
    • As Fluttershy is modeling one of Rarity's dresses:
      Rarity: I own those clothes. You are wearing my clothes. According to proper logic, I own you, so no running away or anything.
  • In Young Justice Abridged Episode 11 Part 2, Deathstroke is searching for the Lazarus Pit. He deduces that they are on the coast of England by thinking about coconuts, which grow on islands, and Australia is an island where Deathstroke was from when he was on that island with Oliver Queen, and Australia was populated by England's criminals. However, coconuts aren't indigenous to England and must be brought by swallows which stop to rest on the ocean so therefore the pit is off the coast of England. His thought process ends up making sense when you remember that whenever he sounds like Randy Savage, its because he's hopped up on Cocaine.
  • YouTube demagogue Gazi Kodzo makes a lot of absurd arguments like this, such as claiming all interracial relationships are rape because white people are more powerful in general, that white people are basically sociopaths incapable of feeling empathy for people of any other race, and that Charlize Theron is a horrible person for adopting a black kid, since that means she is "colonizing" him.

    Other 
  • In Harvey Rothman's "Foxy Gets Hooked", when Foxy switches to his "pirate" mode, we get to see inside Freddy's brain. We see "Foxy = Pirate" and "Pirate = Mutiny". The two "Pirate"s meld together and disappear, leaving "Foxy = Mutiny". Freddy assumes that Foxy is going to betray him and gets mad at him.
  • This claims that God killed the dinosaurs because they were engaging in homosexual activity. Yeah. NSFW for picture of mating tyrannosaurs.
  • Memetic Mutation example: MLG montage parodies have taken a fondness to this sort of reasoning as proof of The Illuminati, often on no greater evidence than a simple triangle shape. Behold.
  • An intentional invocation of this is the Troll Physics/Troll Science meme. This consists of utilizing Insane Troll Logic for hilarious effects with science. The page there shows a lot of examples regarding Troll Science.
  • SydLexia explains that Duck Tales for the NES is impossible using Zeno's Paradox, then follows up by saying that he is omnipotent, then says he is not omnipotent, and finally concludes with the revelation that this reality is a gigantic lie.
    • Coming up with utterly insane analyses of old video games is a recurring theme on the site (though some of them are more believable than others.)
  • The Angels & Demons abridged script provides several examples:
    TOM HANKS looks up ILLUMINATI in the encyclopedia in the VATICAN'S SUPER SECRET LIBRARY.
    TOM HANKS: Hmm, the word Illuminati first appears on page three of this book. Three... the third ninja turtle mentioned in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song is Raphael the first cardinal must be in Raphael's tomb!
    TOM HANKS: Let's see here we're in a tomb. Tomb like Tombstone pizza, which is circular. Circular is the opposite of square.. of course! To Saint Peter's Square!
    TOM HANKS: Condoms... condoms are sometimes called johnnies... John James was the architect that rebuilt St. Mary's Church of course, the third cardinal is in a church!
    AYELET ZURER: WHY THE HELL IS THIS WORKING!?
    AYELET ZURER: Wait let me try one. Okay, so this guy was chained up... chains are often used for construction work... the fourth cardinal is at a construction site!
    TOM HANKS: What? Don't be stupid. The fourth element is water, so he's in a fountain.
  • Francis E. Dec had some severe problems with this.
    • He came to conclusion that Nazis were Jews. As explained by the author of the man's fanpage:
      zer0: On one hand, the Nazis did invade Poland to commit atrocities against its people, but on the other hand they also committed the same horrific acts against the Jews! Dec seemingly could not reconcile this conflict. Seeing as how he perceived the Jews as "in" on the conspiracy against him, he was unable to accept them as victims of the Nazi Holocaust. The result (...) was that his hatred and paranoia combined to meld his two most hated enemies together; resulting in a weird amalgamation between the two. The result? Nazi Jews, of course!
    • He also arrives at conclusion that Polish names of the week are the reminder of the time when Poland was not under the yoke of Computer God. How? Well:
      Francis E. Dec: Even the Slovenic days of the week were created by ASTROCISM namely Niedziela, Sunday trans. "no work", day of rest. Monday, Poniedziawek trans. "day after no work day", Wtorek, Tuesday trans. "second day", Sroda, Wednesday, trans. "middle day" of the week, Czwartek, Thursday, trans. "fourth day" of the week. Piatek, Friday, trans. "fifth day" of the week and Sobota, Saturday, trans. "sabbath day" to go to the Astrocism Temple.
  • An infamous online commenter known as "Ken M" is notorious for either making statements so stupid that they often aggravate everyone else, or posts that seemingly seem normal requests but with an absurd punchline. The best part is how he actually gets company Facebook accounts to reply before trolling them.
    Ken M: Then how come potato is latin for king of the peanuts


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