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Fanfic / Anderson Quest: Killing Vampires and Werewolves and Leprechauns

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Crazy blood heathen werewolves? There's, like, zero moral ambiguity about aggressively shanking them. This might be Heaven after all.
What happens when you get an Irish, Catholic zealot killing machine and throw him into one of the bloodiest and most violent video games ever made? You get The Anderson Quest.

A crossover quest between Hellsing Ultimate Abridged and Bloodborne where the infamous Alexander Anderson is dropped into the Hunter's Dream. Seeing a world under attack from beasts obsessed with blood, Anderson decides to spread the good word of Jesus Christ to the poor suffering denizens of Yharnam. That it involves killing blood-crazy heathens and false gods is simply a bonus.

The quest was run by Tricia on the Sufficient Velocity forums and can be found here. It is now complete.


This quest provides examples of:

  • Adorkable: While a few characters have their moments of awkwardness, guess who's tops over all of them. Gascoigne's daughters? No. Iosefka? No. Hope? Neither. It's Ebrietas! Of all people! It's hilarious seeing a Great One like her acting like a shy, awkward and somewhat cheerful girl.
  • A God Am I: The second major boss of the quest, a Lesser Amygdala, believed gods don't die. Anderson proves it wrong.
  • Anomalous Art: When Anderson finds a bust of Bloody Stupid Johnson at Byrgenwerth, he tries to deface it, only to find that no matter how he moves it, it always keeps facing him, and when he puts a finger on its nose and asks Simon where he's touching, Simon says it's the cheek. Ebrietas gets the cosmic horror equivalent of a headache when she sees it, and it reacts violently when Anderson tries to shove it into his personal Hammerspace. Most surprisingly, according to Yurie, Johnson managed to make it with only normal marble, a hammer and a chisel, fascinated after seeing portraits that seemed to stare at the viewer.
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  • Arbitrary Skepticism: Defied. When he's told about the Old Hunter's Bone, Anderson is tempted to ask how that works but stops himself by noting that it's no crazier than everything else he's seen thus far.
  • Arrow Catch: Lady Maria does this to Simon when holding a sword to Anderson's neck. It noticeably causes both Anderson and Simon to have Oh, Crap! moments.
  • Badass Boast: Anderson delivers several.
  • Badass Preacher: Anderson, naturally.
  • BFG: The Powder Kegs have a man-portable cannon, as well as a mortar. They later pick a Church Cannon from the Hunter's Nightmare.
  • Bizarrchitecture: The convoluted routes of the game live on, and the saner citizens spare no breath lampshading them to Hell and back. Makes a lot more sense when considering the genius/idiot responsible.
    • It's so bad that, of all people, Lady Maria flinches at the mere mention of his name.
  • Black Comedy: Considering this is a cross with Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, this is to be expected.
  • Blunt "Yes": The Moon Presence, when Anderson asks if it's heard the word of Jesus Christ. For once, Anderson is at a complete loss. That is until the Presence explains it read the Bible Anderson left in the dream via Gehrman.
  • Book-Ends: Anderson has a brief conversation with Alucard as he dies. A very long night later, they meet again.
  • Bored with Insanity: Micolash. At the very least he's capable of having a decent conversation and actually crave tea and cigarettes.
  • Brick Joke: Anderson promised Eileen, Ebrietas and the others he'd show them how his sleeves work "in the morning". When, after the Moon Presence's death, time begins flowing normally again and the sun finally rises over Yharnam, Eileen again demands the explanation.
  • Bring My Brown Pants: Some of the ones unfortunate enough to cross Anderson's path.
  • Break Out the Museum Piece: The Hunter's Nightmare is filled with ancient hunters using outdated weaponry that has long since fallen out of favour by the time the main story takes place. Anderson takes a discarded Boom Hammer, Djura takes Kurt's Gatling Gun after they slay him and Steffon picks the Church Cannon from a dead giant.
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: What happens to Vicar Rosemary. The people she's wronged decide not to kill her, but to instead creatively humiliate her for the duration of Anderson's mission. It involves well-aimed vegetables and a sign saying 'I Am a Massive Knobhead'.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Anderson regularly does this to the majority of the enemies in Yharnam, such that most combat is automatic.
  • Crossover:
  • Defiant to the End: The Bloody Crow still keeps trying to put up a fight even after it becomes clear that he's in no condition to do so.
  • De-Power: When Anderson grabs the Moonlight Greatsword, it reacts with the remnants of the Nail's power within him, dispelling its magical properties.
  • Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu?: While Anderson and Eileen came in expecting to kill Ebrietas, they end up spending a long time talking with her. It turns out she was just a victim in all of this, with the Healing Church keeping her in the dark about what they were truly doing under the pretence that they'll help her make friends.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Anderson kills a Lesser Amygdala early on in the quest.
  • Dirty Coward: Patches. Anderson doesn't put up with this.
  • Do with Him as You Will: Anderson does this to Vicar Rosemary.
  • Dual Wield: During their fight against Ludwig, Anderson uses the Club of Righteousness and his newly acquired Amygdala Arm.
  • Due to the Dead:
    • After Anderson executes the false Iosefka (real name Lumnia), he and the real Iosefka dig a grave for her.
    • Later on, Anderson and Eileen do the same for Father Gascoigne and his wife.
    • Later still, Anderson digs graves for all of the Celestial Mobs. He insists on doing it alone.
    • With the permission of Gehrman, Anderson buries Ludwig's monstrous head in the Hunter's Dream.
  • Earn Your Happy Ending: Against all odds, Anderson succeeds in ending the Scourge, destroying the Moon Presence and saving Yharnam.
  • Face Death with Dignity: The Amygdala refuses to give Anderson the satisfaction of a futile rant as it faces its end, and Lumnia merely requests to see the moon one last time before Anderson executes her, and keeps some dignity to the end. Likewise, Lady Maria refuses Anderson's offer to leave the Nightmare before he destroys the Orphan of Kos and perishes with it.
  • Fish out of Temporal Water: Simon, due to the nature of the Hunter's Nightmare. He takes this fairly well.
  • Frickin' Laser Beams: The alt mode for the Club of Righteousness shoots lasers.
  • Friend to All Children: Anderson runs an orphanage back in his world, so he quickly endears himself to Gascoigne's daughters.
  • Fighting from the Inside: Vicar Amelia is well known for being a deeply devoted zealot, yet this absolute devotion to her faith is what allowed her to resist her beasthood after she transformed into a beast. She stays silently praying at the Grand Cathedral for a good portion of the story.
  • Fighting Your Friend: During their visit to the Hunter's Nightmare, Djura and Steffon are forced to fight against their former Powder Kegs allies, Ulrich and Kurt. Both of which had long since gone mad from the bloodlust.
  • Gatling Good: The Powder Kegs have one. Anderson approves. Kurt has created a man-portable version for his personal use, being two-and-a-half meters tall allowed him to carry and control the recoil with ease.
  • Gender-Blender Name: The Chapel Dweller's name is given as Agatha, despite him being male.
  • Gentle Giant: Anderson has his moments, especially around children.
  • Good Shepherd: Anderson tries his best to be this, which is part of the reason he's so pissed at Yharnam's Corrupt Church.
  • Good Thing You Can Heal: Anderson takes quite a bit of damage against some of Yharnam's tougher denizens. Fortunately, his status as a Regenerator allows him to ignore most of it.
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: In addition to the regular examples, Anderson gets Gehrman to make a weapon out of the Lesser Amygdala's body parts called the Club of Righteousness. He is later given a still-living Amygdala Arm during the Hunter's Nightmare.
  • Hammerspace: Anderson has one on each of his sleeves. Everyone who sees it is left gaping. Even Ebrietas.
  • Heel–Face Turn: A group of the Healing Churchmen and some of their Hunters join Anderson's posse after they learn the real cause of the beast plague.
  • Holy Burns Evil: Anderson tosses a crucifix at Annalise to test if she is a vampire and this happens. Strangely, the burning only seems to happen with moral evil as Ebrietas was unaffected despite being an ancient star-god. And she's not evil to begin with. The wards Anderson creates around Oedon Chapel also have this effect.
  • Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Anderson & Iosefka and Anderson & Eileen.
    • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Hope is one of the few characters whom Anderson doesn't tower over. This means that Lady Maria counts as well. And Ebrietas towers over everyone, so she counts as well.
  • Interface Screw:
    • The Lesser Amygdala spoke in invisible text up until it was on its death throes.
    • Occasionally Tricia inserts some invisible text that comments on the current situation. It's implied that the Alucard is the one making these, though sometimes it's clearly a Great One talking, as seen when Anderson's wards manage to hurt one.
  • Kick the Son of a Bitch: Anderson was really miffed at Patches the Spider.
  • Killed Off for Real: Lumnia is killed before she can turn the real Iosefka into a Celestial Emissary. Father Gascoigne is also mercy killed by Eileen the Crow when it's clear he's close to turning into a beast.
  • Laser-Guided Karma:
    • Shortly after arriving at Yharnam and confronting victims of the Plague for the first time, a door opens in Anderson's path and a kindly old woman invites him inside... only to slam the door in his face as he's preparing to cross the threshold; everyone inside cackles and insults Anderson. Seriously ticked, he grabs a (dead) infectee and tosses him inside the house via a window.
    • Patches the Spider led the Amygdala assault against Anderson and Oedon Chapel and then tried to squirm out of trouble by offering Anderson a discount on his wares. Anderson, just as annoyed, pretends to bargain with him for a bit, then kills his hopes (and him).
  • Meaningful Name: The Plain Doll, after some encouraging by Anderson, names herself Hope.
    Hope: "This way, you can never say there is no hope so long as I am here."
  • Mercy Kill: Anderson delivers this on behalf of Yurie to Master Willem, and Eileen delivers a quick kill to Father Gascoigne.
  • Mundane Utility: Anderson uses Ludwig's Holy Blade as a shovel to dig the graves of the children in the Orphanage.
  • Never Trust a Title: Averted, though it took quite a while for leprechauns AKA Mergo's Attendants to actually come up.
  • Noodle Incident: Anderson has a lot.
    You don't talk about the Nashville Incident. And you thought Andrew Jackson was a bastard before he died...
  • No OSHA Compliance: At one point, the narration comments that OSHA would have problems with one particular narrow, guardrail-less walkway. Makes sense, considering that Bloody Stupid Johnson designed the city.
  • Off with His Head!: Anderson tries to dispose of Annalise this way. Emphasis on tries due to her Complete Immortality.
  • Oh, Crap!: Several of Anderson's enemies have this just before they die.
    • Vicar Rosemary also has one when she realizes Anderson has killed the Bloody Crow and she already told him where Ebrietas was.
    Anderson: "No take backs."
  • Person as Verb: According to Micolash, this happened to Bloody Stupid Johnson, in that the School of Mensis declared him, basically, the opposite of enlightenment.
  • Running Gag:
  • Shout-Out: In general Anderson makes numerous references to the world he departed.
    • Anderson is really glad he can quote The Boondock Saints without someone calling him out on it.
      • He also names two recurring crows Connor and Murphy.
    • Anderson quotes The Dark Knight Rises as he defeats the Bloody Crow.
  • Spared by the Adaptation: Because Anderson doesn't suffer from Silent Protagonist Syndrome, he is capable of talking down people who would otherwise be enemies in canon and allows him to save many people and guide them to the safety of Oedon Chapel. This includes Yurie of Byrgenwerth, Iosefka, Gilbert, Gascoigne's daughters, Simon the Harrowed, the surviving Powder Kegs, most of the remaining sane Yharnamites, a couple of repentant Church Hunters, and, surprisingly enough, Ebrietas.
  • Storming the Castle: Anderson, Eileen, and the Powder Kegs launch an assault on the Healing Church after they learn about the true nature of the blood ministrations.
  • Super Soldier: The Bloody Crow was an attempt by the Choir to create this, via a treacherous Cainhurst servant who delivered himself for experimentation in exchange for the strength to never to be bossed around. It worked, at the cost of the fool's mind. The Choir used most of the Hunters of Hunters as fodder to strengthen the monster, leading Eileen to declare war.
  • Tempting Fate: Anderson and co. have just broken The Siege by the School of Mensis and Anderson thinks about celebrating the victory... Cue the Amygdala showing up as a boss fight, while three Lesser Amygdalae go after the others.
  • Throw the Book at Them: Iosefka uses the Bible to smack Lumnia, her impersonator.
  • Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Bloody Stupid Johnson's reality-defying bust gives Ebrietas migraines just by looking at it. It also reacts...violently to being put in Anderson's sleeves.
  • Tranquil Fury: Anderson after he learns about the Orphanage. Needless to say, the Healing Church didn't exactly have the children's best interests in mind. Anderson also doesn't take it well when he finds out the ringleaders had committed suicide before he could exact judgement.
    Anderson: "Don't fuck with me. This isn't how it's supposed ta go. This isn't fuckin' fair."
  • The Unfought: Since Anderson doesn't pick Laurence's skull, he doesn't fight the Vicar's beast form in the Nightmare.
    • Because Father Gascoigne recognized Eileen before the two could get into a fight, she mercy kill him before he could turn into a beast.
  • Unskilled, but Strong:
    • Anderson notes this about the Bloody Crow of Cainhurst. The Bloody Crow has been so used to being the top dog that he never bothered to learn how to properly fight. This proves to be his undoing against Anderson. This later turns out to have been invoked; the lack of training was supposed to be an insurance policy in the hope that the previous strongest and most experienced Church Hunter could use skill to close the gap if things went wrong. It wasn't enough.
    • Averted with the Amygdala. Though even more powerful than its Lesser kin, it also actually knew how to use its power, making it a nightmare to deal with.
  • Wham Line:
    You didn't think you could just pull a piece of God out of your chest and everything would go back to normal, did you?
  • Worthy Opponent: Alucard—of all people—acknowledges Anderson as one, even apologizing for all of the pedophile jokes he made before he died.
  • Wowing Cthulhu: Ebrietas is impressed by Anderson killing a Lesser Amygdala. She's also baffled by Anderson's sleeves.

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