- From "Apocalypse Rising":
Dukat: Major, I must say I'm shocked [to find out that] you're pregnant! I hope First Minister Shakaar appreciates what a lucky man he is.
Kira: Shakaar's not the father.
Dukat: (Sounding perplexed) Then who is?
Kira: (nonchalantly) Chief O'Brien! note
- Said moment is even funnier when you remember that Dukat's hobby consists of making 8 babies with his wife, having 2 more (that we know of) with his Bajoran mistresses, and keeping track of pretty much everyone he knows' (but especially Kira's) sex life. Dukat's face just shows a look of "She wouldn't give me the time of day, but now she's carrying on with the O'Briens? Seriously!?"
- Does this mean Dukat was imagining a Kira x Miles x Keiko threesome? Wow Dukat, you're a perv.
- And speaking of who the father of Kira's baby is... note
Kira: But don't forget, this [her being pregnant]... is still your fault.
Bashir: My fault?
Kira: You performed the transfer from Keiko to me.
Bashir: After you volunteered.
Kira: After you put the idea in my head.
Bashir: After you flew the runabout into the asteroid field.
Kira: After you insisted we check on those anomalous bio-scans.
Bashir: That was Keiko.
Kira: That's right. It was. But I'd rather blame you.
- Worf pulling a Drill Sergeant Nasty act so as to get Sisko, Odo, and O'Brien into character as Klingons. Hilarity Ensues:
Worf: I called you a dung beetle!
Odo: I heard you!
Worf: And what is your response?!
Worf: (Sighs, heads to Sisko) Sir...perhaps it would be best if I were to—
Sisko: (Gives Worf a POW! Enters Large Ham mode)
ARE YOU QUESTIONING
—OF MY PLAN
Worf: Very convincing, Captain—but was your intention to challenge me to a fight to the death?
Sisko: ...No, not at all....
Worf: Then next time, do not strike me with the back of your hand—use your fist.
- Quark's "impassioned" speech to Grilka in "Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places". Desperately stalling for time so that Dax can fix the mechanism Worf's using to control Quark's bat'leth, he invents the Ferengi Rite of Proclamation so that he can make a speech.
Quark: To this end... my blade soars... through the... aquarium... of my soul... seeking the... kelp of discontent which must be severed so that the rocky bottom of lies waiting, with fertile... sand for the coming seed of Grilka's affection.
[pauses; goes slower and more sincerely this time]
Quark: And yet... does this explain my need for her? No. It is like... a giant cave of emptiness... waiting... for the bats of love to hang by—
[Worf gets the machine fixed; back to the fighting]
- Also: "War! What is it good for? If you ask me, absolutely nothing."
- "No... No, I don't need that image, either. In fact I'm gonna stop asking that question altogether. People will come in, I will treat them, and that's all."
- Worf's attempt to woo Grilka at the start involves tossing Morn out of his seat. Before doing so, he hesitates.
Worf: I will apologize for this later.
- In "...Nor the Battle to the Strong", Bashir and Jake assist an emergency hospital close to a Klingon warzone. Afterwards, when Bashir makes a surgery joke about his food, it causes Jake to become nauseous and run out the room past three Starfleet doctors who were on the same shift casually eating.
Doctor 1: His first day?
Doctor 2: Yeah.
Doctor 3: Pass the salt.
- Does the word "tribble" appear in the episode's title? If so, prepare to laugh long and hard. "Trials and Tribble-ations" is made of these.
Odo: Did you tell them?
Sisko: They didn't ask. I'm open to suggestions, people.
Dax: We could build another station.
- The Trouble With Tribbles made Kirk the butt of most of the jokes. Trials and Tribble-ations, while being respectful, piled on just a little bit more.
Dax (upon spotting Kirk and Spock): He's so much more handsome in person. Those eyes!
Sisko: Kirk had quite the reputation as a ladies' man.
Dax: Not him. Spock.
- Later, we find out that those stray tribbles that keep falling on Kirk's head are, in-universe, being tossed by Sisko and Dax.
- For a while during that episode Jadzia was struggling to figure out where she knew the name McCoy from, turns out she actually met him when she judged a gymnastics competition as Emony at Ole Miss, she wasn't surprised to see he was a doctor then; remembering fondly that he had the hands of a surgeon.
- They have to scan every tribble on the Enterprise and station K7. O'Brien and Bashir protest, citing there there must be thousands of them.
Dax: One million, seven hundred and seventy one thousand, five hundred and sixty one. That's starting with one tribble with an average litter of ten every twelve hours. After three days.
- Later, she and Sisko are in the storage compartment that Kirk opens and hear Spock make the same calculations. She looks to Sisko with a look of 'told you so.'
- The entire segment where Odo, O'Brien, and Bashir see the Klingons from that era, much to their disbelief, and an embarrassed Worf confirming that they are Klingons. When the others ask for an explanation of why they look so different, he merely replies with a prickly "We do not discuss the matter with outsiders."
- O'Brien, by any measure one of Starfleet's best engineers, being completely baffled by Enterprise's systems (and the modifications Scotty has made to them)—to the point that he can't use an elevator and almost blows his cover by cutting power to an entire deck.
- First in The Ascent, Quark gets a classic piece of snark out as he grabs a pad from an infuriated Odo, as he's being escorted to a court hearing:
Quark: Or what? What're you gonna do, arrest me?
- Then reaches a new level as he reads from Odo's pad: it's a trashy romance novel.
- Rapture is a mostly serious episode, but it does include one particular gem from the party celebrating Bajor's upcoming acceptance into the Federation. Everyone is in the bar when Quark calls for silence, and directs their attention to a couple of Dabo girls on the balcony, holding a folded up cloth. He calls for a drumroll, the cloth is unfurled over the balcony, revealing... a banner displaying the insignia of the Klingon Empire and "WELCOME KLINGONS" written in Klingonese characters underneath. Quark has to quickly pull the RIGHT banner displaying the Federation insignia out from behind the bar.
- "In Purgatory's Shadow" and "By Inferno's Light" had some very funny scenes.
- Worf assuring Sisko he'll bring Garak back.
Sisko: I don't need to tell you to keep an eye on him.
Worf: At the first sign of betrayal, I will kill him, but—I promise to return the body intact.
Sisko: I assume that's a joke.
Worf: (Smirks) We shall see....
- Garak pleading with Worf to consider sponsoring his entrance into Starfleet. Worf can't believe it, but Garak's impassioned speech about his need for redemption wins Worf over enough for him to promise to consider it... then Garak suggests his experience should mean he can fast track into commander rank, where he can become Worf's superior officer, and Worf realizes he's been the butt of an elaborate joke.
Worf: Do not play games with me! You have no intention of joining Starfleet, do you?
Garak: No, I'm afraid I don't.
Worf: Then why all this deception?
Garak: Because lying is a skill like any other and to maintain a level of excellence, one must practice it constantly.
Worf: Practice on someone else!
Garak: Mr Worf, you're no fun at all.
- On the same runabout trip, we learn Garak doesn't care much for Picard's tea of choice.
Garak: I would like to get my hands on that fellow Earl Grey and tell him a thing or two about tea leaves!
- Just before they are captured by the Jem'Hadar, Garak politely asks them "Could one of you point us in the direction of the wormhole?" before getting smacked with the butt of a disruptor rifle.
- Ziyal's sarcastic reaction to Quark moaning about a loss of profits if the Dominion takes over the station.
Quark: The Jem'Hadar don't eat, don't drink and they don't have sex. To make matters worse, the Founders don't eat, don't drink and they don't have sex either. Which, between me and you, makes my financial future less than certain.
Ziyal: It might not be so bad. For all we know, the Vorta might be gluttonous, alcoholic sex-maniacs.
Quark: [Oblivious to the sarcasm] I hadn't thought of that! I wonder what their favourite food is!
- And even funnier if you remember what we later learn about the Vorta: they're a race of clones whose sense of taste is largely limited to the foodstuffs they had before being uplifted, and are immune to most poisons, including alcohol. So sorry, Quark, but looks like the Vorta also don't eat, don't drink, or have sex.
- A subtle but funny callback at the end of the two-parter. Near the start of the two-parter, Garak promised a worried Ziyal he'd return safely and she reached out to touch his hand. Dukat, who had just arrived on the station and spotted this, attacked Garak in a rage over getting too close to Ziyal. At the very end of the two-parter, when Ziyal launches herself into Garak's arms in relief at seeing him back in one piece, he does not immediately return the hug. Instead, he shoots a furtive look around the place as if expecting Dukat to attack him from the shadows before relaxing and returning the hug.
- After Bashir learns he's being considered as the model for a new medical hologram:
O'Brien: Just think. If this pans out, you'll be able to annoy hundreds of people you've never even met!
- How about the scene from "A Simple Investigation" where Odo interrupts Julian's spy holonovel to ask him for advice? The conversation distracts Julian enough that O'Brien (as a villain) shows up on the other side of Julian's car and points a gun at him.
O'Brien: [breaking character] Hi, Odo!
- During "Business As Usual" a ragged O'Brien puts Yoshi down for a nap...in ops. Specifically, the pit. Everyone in ops comes over to see him.
- In "Ties of Blood and Water" the recently reintroduced Weyoun, upon hearing that a bottle of Kanar intended for Ghemor has been poisoned, cheerfully chugs it down and admires its toxicity the way one might appreciate a rare vintage. Only then does he go on to explain that in addition to regularly cloning the Vorta, the Dominion has genetically engineered them to be immune to just about every imaginable kind of poison, as this apparently comes in handy for a certain kind of diplomatic negotiations; which makes you wonder what kind of negotiations those would be...
- Given that the Vorta are the "carrot" to the Jem'Hadar's "stick" (i.e. join peacefully, or we'll conquer you), it's not hard to believe that some might try to stall by making the diplomats mysteriously die/become ill whenever they came to visit....
- In "Ferengi Love Songs", Quark comes home to stay for awhile and finds the Grand Nagus hiding in his closet. He later finds Liquidator Brunt in his closet... twice.
Leeta: I hate him.
Kira: No, you don't.
Leeta: All he loves is latinum.
Kira: No, he doesn't.
Leeta: Cancelling that wedding was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Kira: No, it isn't.
Leeta: I am so glad, he's out of my life.
Kira: No, you're not.
Leeta: Major, you haven't been listening to me.
Kira: Yes, I have.
- "Soldiers of the Empire" starts with General Martok in the infirmary after getting injured while training in a holosuite (he'd spent two years in a Dominion POW Camp, lost an eye, and said his reflexes were dulled). Julian tells him off for being a moron, and after some back-and-forth grumbling Martok thanks him for fixing him up.
Julian: You really want to thank me? Don't walk in here dripping blood anymore. It takes days to get it out of the carpet!
- As Worf prepares to board the Rotarran, Jadzia follows him. He tells her that he'd rather that they didn't have any lengthy goodbyes. She agrees, then follows him as he starts to board. When he tries to stop her again, she casually informs him she's taken leave and is joining the crew.
Worf: Why did you not tell me?
Dax: It's more fun this way.
- Later, in the mess hall, she's given some grief about the fact that she and Worf are in a romantic relationship.
Dax: On this trip, my bed is as empty as yours, Leskit. Except mine is empty by choice.
- Though it's a major Downer Ending episode, "Children of Time" has one of the funniest Worf moments in Star Trek:
Are you the son of Mogh? Worf:
Is it true you can kill someone just by looking at them? Worf: (beat)
Only when I am angry.
- In "Blaze Of Glory" there's an interesting off-screen story of how Quark made one of his patrons freak out by sharing his opinion that the Dominion was going to win the war and kill everyone on the station. The poor guy hits Quark with a barstool, runs screaming through the promenade and surprises a meditating Kira by bursting into the Bajoran Shrine completely naked and crying for the Prophets to protect him. What makes it hilarious is the identity of the patron: Morn. Wow.
- "In the Cards", just in general. "The entire future of the galaxy may depend on us tracking down Willie Mays...and stopping him."
- To put the above quote in context: Nog and Jake are scurrying around the station trying to get a Willie Mays rookie baseball card for captain Sisko. Weyoun is wondering what the hell is going on and abducts them to interrogate them. After their first story falls flat (that they were trying to get Sisko a baseball card), they tell this hugely over the top story about how the guy in the card is in fact a time traveler. Weyoun says that he believes them. Nog, in utter disbelief, asks "You do?" (Weyoun believes their first story and sends them on their way).
- Worf staring intently at some wall art.
Sisko: Worf, you've been paroled. You can go now.