Quark returns from Ferenginar in the mood for celebration. When Rom asks why he's behaving so strangely, Quark turns sober and announces that he's dying. Having been diagnosed with Dorek's Disease during an insurance physical, he's got only a few days to live, so he must put his affairs in order. There are a lot of debts to take care of, and Quark soon grows despondent over his meager accomplishments. Rom suggests pre-selling his vacuum-desiccated remains to make money. Although Quark doubts that anyone would be interested in "Starfleet's favorite bartender," he's shocked when an anonymous buyer pays 500 bars of latinum for the whole lot. Quark will finally die a success.
Meanwhile, O'Brien has been having trouble getting Keiko to settle down in her pregnant condition. During a trip to the Gamma Quadrant, Keiko's ship suffers a calamity, and the baby is put in danger. By the time O'Brien arrives at Sick Bay, he discovers that their baby has been transferred to Kira as a surrogate. Further, due to alien Bajoran physiology, Kira must now carry the baby to term.
Bashir stops by Quark's to deliver a message from his doctor that he doesn't actually have Dorek's Disease. He's going to live after all. But during the night, he gets a surprise visit from his old enemy, Brunt, FCA, who turns out to be the buyer of his remains. Quark offers him a full refund with interest, but Brunt insists that he wants what he paid for: 52 discs of vacuum-desiccated Quark. Starfleet's favorite bartender is stuck in an impossible choice: either break the contract, becoming an outcast from Ferengi society with all his assets and the assets of his family seized, or find a way to die within six days so that his body can be delivered accordingly. As a proud Ferengi, Quark decides he would rather die than accept exile and begins making arrangements to have Garak execute him.
Quark then has a vision of a visit to the Divine Treasury, where his imagination supplies images of Brunt and the first Grand Nagus. The two argue, with Brunt telling him to go through with his plan and the Nagus (whom Quark has imagined looking uncannily like Rom) telling him that his life is more important than any rules.
The O'Briens are struggling to come to terms with their baby living in someone else's body. They invite Kira over for dinner but still don't like the thought of having to make appointments to be near their child. They ultimately invite Kira to come live with them for the duration of the pregnancy and treat her as a member of their family.
Quark decides to break the contract. Brunt declares him persona non grata on Ferenginar, revokes his business license, and confiscates everything Quark owns on the station. Quark sits in the empty bar, deep in depression over his complete lack of assets. But then the station staff turns up with supplies and equipment to put him back in business, following Sisko's claim that they need a place to store it all during several months' worth of repair work. Rom comments that with so many friends, Quark isn't without assets after all.
Tropes
- All Just a Dream: Quark's time in the Divine Treasury. Gint, partway through the sequence, actually tells Quark that it's just a dream, which explains why the decorations fell short of Quark's expectations, and why Gint so resembles Quark's 'idiot brother'.
- Ambiguous Situation: While the episode certainly implies it (since how else would Brunt know about the "misdiagnosis"?), it's never revealed whether Dr. Orpax was bribed by Brunt to set off the plot. It's left to one of the companion novels, Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space 9 Volume 3, to finally confirm this was the case.
- And You Were There: In his dream, Quark notes that Gint looks like an older version of Rom.
- Awful Truth: Parodied with Gint's reveal during Quark's dream that the Rules of Acquisition, the sacred precepts that have governed Ferengi society for thousands of years and guided Quark throughout his professional career, actually started as a marketing ploy.Gint: Ssssshhhh! A brilliant [marketing ploy]! Rule of Acquisition 239 - "Never be afraid to mislabel a product."
- The Bad Guy Wins: Quark breaks his contract to save his skin, meaning Brunt gets to confiscate all of his possessions. However, Brunt didn't count on Quark having friends so generous that they would help him rebuild his life completely and be free of F.C.A. influence.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: After rejecting various execution methods, Quark tells Garak he doesn't want to see his death coming, and would rather just go about his business until the ex-spy does the deed. Garak gives him an Evil Grin and says "that can be arranged", promising that Quark will "never see it coming". The next scene has Quark holed up in his quarters, jumping at every tiny noise thinking it's Garak come to kill him.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Under the sleaze, Quark is actually a pretty nice guy, even his insults and threats come off as funny. When he confronts Brunt at the end, no one is laughing.Quark: Take my assets, revoke my Ferengi business license. Do whatever you have to do then get out. And if I ever see you walk into my bar again...Brunt: (smug) Yes?Quark: (darkly) You won't walk out.
- Black Comedy: The wacky hijinks that ensue from Quark being diagnosed with a terminal illness, Ferengi death rites, and attempting to hire an assassin on one's own life!
- Blatant Lies: Everyone has one for giving stuff to Quark to help him restart his bar—Bashir has brandy that he can't drink, Sisko has furniture that needs to be stored there, etc.
- Brick Joke: Garak tells Quark that he used to be a gardener. Tune in next week for the payoff!
- Call-Back:
- Rom reminds Quark of his one-week stint as the Grand Nagus.
- Rom also brings up the time he successfully pulled off a union.
- When telling Quark why It's Personal, Brunt mentions the time Quark saved his mother from being made an example of the F.C.A.
- Central Theme: Quark faces a personal version of the early season Central Theme of whether it's possible to break free from the past: does he want to be a good Ferengi and follow the Ferengi Law he's dedicated his life to? Who is he if he's not following the Rules of Acquisition?
- Deadly Euphemism: After telling Quark that he used to be a gardener, Garak says he'll be more than happy to have something weeded.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: Brunt's "The Reason You Suck" Speech towards Quark is full of this, declaring that his habit of choosing not to nickel and dime his employees and customers at every opportunity makes him a disgrace to the Ferengi. And of course, the word "philanthropist" is thrown at him as a grievous insult, which Quark angrily denies.
- Desecrating the Dead: Brunt tells Quark, "I have a thousand ideas about how to defile your remains. Want to hear my favorites?"
- Didn't See That Coming: The intent for Quark when he tells Garak to kill him is to ensure this trope is in play before he dies. Thankfully, Garak doesn't go ahead with it.
- Digging Yourself Deeper: Quark tries to appeal to Brunt by saying he'll take away his employees' vacation time. Brunt is then aghast that he gave his employees vacations. He's also horrified that Quark sold food and medicine to Bajoran refugees at just above cost!
- Dirty Coward: Brunt delights in using his position to threaten Quark financially, but the moment Quark threatens him back with actual violence, Brunt's smugness vanishes.
- "Everybody Helps Out" Denouement: Due to his bravery in breaking his contract in the climax, Quark has most of his possessions, including equipment for his business, seized by the Ferengi Commerce Authority. But then Captain Sisko starts bringing in some furniture and soon everyone from around the station brings in what Quark needs to reopen his bar.
- Everyone Has Standards: According to Quark, Brunt's actions here (insisting on following the literal letter of a contract even though it requires the other party's unintended death, especially as there's zero profit to be made in doing so) are low even by Ferengi standards. As Quark puts it, "We're not Klingons, we're businessmen."
- Explosive Instrumentation: Keiko runs afoul of this off-screen (though she survives). It's what kicks off the "surrogate pregnancy" plot.
- First-Name Basis: Kira encourages this with Miles and Keiko, since she's having their baby.
- Honorary Uncle: Well, Aunt. Aunt Nerys to be specific.
- How Would You Like to Die?: At the lowest of his despair over the situation, Quark contemplates having Garak kill him. At one point, they use a holodeck so Garak can demonstrate different techniques to end Quark's life. The Ferengi is particularly squicked when Garak breaks his hologram model's neck.
- Hypocrite: For all his claims of Quark being a terrible Ferengi, it's actually Brunt who's an even worse Ferengi and who's violating/sacrificing all Ferengi ideals about profit for the sake of a personal vendetta (and as outlined under Everyone Has Standards).
- I Need a Freaking Drink: Quark, when he sees that despite losing everything to Brunt, The Power of Friendship has come to his rescue.
- Implausible Deniability: Garak denying that he was ever an assassin to Quark. You're not fooling anyone, Garak.
- It Only Works Once: Basically why Bashir was able to use Kira as a surrogate for the O'Briens' baby but can't just reverse the process once Keiko's well; he was able to give Kira various hormonal injections so that she could safely carry a human baby, but Bajoran biology involved a dense network of blood vessels linking mother and foetus, so it's too dangerous to try and transfer the baby back to Keiko.
- It's Personal: Normally, even a Ferengi wouldn't be expected to die just to fulfill a contract. However, this isn't about business for Brunt — this is about his hatred for Quark.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: It bites Quark here when Brunt brings up all the times Quark has been generous (by Ferengi standards, anyway) with his dealings as proof that he isn't a real Ferengi.
- Large Ham: Brunt really makes his presence known when he announces the closure of Quark's bar."May I have your attention, please! Brunt, FCA. As of this moment, no further Ferengi commerce may be conducted in this bar. No Ferengi may be employed by this bar. No Ferengi may eat or drink in this bar. And no Ferengi, no Ferengi, may do business with that man!"
- Loophole Abuse: At the end of the episode, Brunt revokes Quark's FCA license, confiscates all his property and forbids any Ferengi from doing business with him. All of Quark's non-Ferengi friends promptly come by with things to help him restart the bar.
- Mistaken for Afterlife: When Quark has his dream regarding the Divine Treasury, at first he thinks that Garak has done as Quark asked, killing him in a way that would mean he "simply woke up" there.
- Morally Ambiguous Doctorate: While nothing in the episode specifically states it, Dr. Orpax's incorrect diagnosis sure does seem like a Batman Gambit on Brunt's part to maneuver Quark into short-selling himself. It definitely wouldn't have been above Brunt to pay off Quark's doctor to give the misdiagnosis in order to kick off the plot.
- My God, You Are Serious!: Quark, when he realizes Brunt isn't going to be satisfied with anything less than his desiccated remains.
- Neck Snap: Garak demonstrates this possible method of killing Quark, who quickly rejects it due to the noise.
- Not Afraid of You Anymore: Since Brunt took everything from Quark within the confines of Ferengi law, it means that Quark has nothing left to lose and threatens to kill him if he ever sets foot in his bar again.
- Nothing Is the Same Anymore: Zigzagged with Quark by the end. While he does keep the Bar and restocks it with donated furniture and food donated by his friends on the Station, he's still broke, an outcast from Ferengi society and legally barred from doing business with any of his people.
- Obstructive Bureaucrat: As Quark notes, Ferengi law relies on a certain amount of common sense when enforcing contracts and Brunt's actions are way out of line. They are, however, within the letter of the rules; Brunt is exploiting a loophole caused by being both the customer and the enforcer.
- Panicky Expectant Father: At the beginning, O'Brien is worrying about how Keiko's activities will affect the baby. (Turns out he's not entirely unjustified in his concerns.)O'Brien: Do you know what she wanted to do last week?... She wanted to go back to Bajor and rappel down the cliffs of Undalar to get a fungus sample. Rappel to get fungus! It's as if I have to remind her that she's pregnant.
Dax: Yeah, I guess the extra weight, the morning sickness, the mood swings, the medical examinations, they aren't reminders enough. - Persona Non Grata: When Quark finally breaks his contract to him, Brunt uses his authority as an FCA liquidator to have Quark's bar shut down, further decreeing that no Ferengi may work for him, do business with him, or even talk to him.
- Power of Friendship: Quark learns what he truly has in assets when the entire crew of DS9 donates all he needs to restart his bar after Brunt ruins him.
- Real Life Writes the Plot: The B-plot of Kira becoming a surrogate for Miles and Keiko's baby was a cover for Nana Visitor's real-life pregnancy. The writers initially came up with two solutions; either have Kira become pregnant by Shakaar or
hide the pregnancy with camera tricks. Because no one liked either idea, the writers instead took a third option with the surrogacy plot. - "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Brunt goes into detail about how he hates Quark, not for any slight against him personally, but for his un-Ferengi business practices: giving his workers vacation time, taking only a third of his workers' tips, and selling medicine to Bajoran refugees at just above cost.Brunt: It was still a generous, hoo-manitarian gesture!
- Repaying for the One: At the end of the episode, the community of Deep Space 9 bring in all of their unwanted bar-related items to start Quark's Bar up again (because how can Brunt enforce his jurisdiction to non-Ferengi?)
- Sadistic Choice: Quark is boned from the start. Either he breaks his contract and lives (as a pariah in Ferengi society), or dies so Brunt can claim the remains he paid for. He chooses life.
- Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Dream!Gint convinces Quark to break the contract by saying that the Rules of Acquisition were merely guidelines, but of course, no one would buy a book entitled "Suggestions of Acquisition."
- Skewed Priorities: When Bashir tells Quark that he's not going to die of Dorek's Syndrome, this dialogue ensues:Quark: Do you know what this means, Rom?
Rom: It means you're gonna live!
Quark: It means I get to sue Dr. Orpax for malpractice! And I'm gonna live. - Stylistic Suck: The Divine Treasury set is intentionally designed to appear as gaudy and over-decorated as possible. The script even refers to it as a "Latinum-covered nightmare", while Quark himself describes it as "tacky". Gint just puts this down to Quark's lousy imagination.
- Suicide by Assassin: The reason why Quark hires Garak to kill him is so he can fulfill his contract with Brunt. However, all the different methods that Garak performs or suggests don’t appeal to Quark.
- That Came Out Wrong: When Rom convinces Quark to have his soon-to-be desiccated corpse auctioned on Ferengi eBay:Rom: When you see how much your body is worth, you're gonna wish you'd died years ago!
(Quark gives Rom a Death Glare)
Rom: Or something like that. - Unknown Rival: Quark is aghast to learn that Brunt hates him so much he'd actively try to kill him, wondering what he could have possibly done to provoke that. To this, Brunt admits Quark has never been anything more than a nuisance to him, but he hates his guts anyway because of his perceived benevolence towards others.
- Wham Line:Quark: I'm—I'm dying!
- Wham Shot: Pregnant Kira.
- Whammy Bid: Quark is despondent when he sees that Rom is the only person to place a bid on his remains. Until he receives an offer of 500 bars for the entire set...
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Quark never seems to get around to cancelling Garak's hit on him...
- Would Rather Suffer: When it turns out that Quark even lost his clothes to Brunt, Rom offers some of his old clothes. Quark's response?Quark: I'd rather be naked.
- You Look Familiar: In-Universe — Max Grodénchik plays both Rom and the Gint in Quark's dream. Quark lampshades this.
- You Make Me Sick: Brunt makes his feelings about Quark very clear (in Large Ham mode).Brunt: You dis-GUST me.
