Funny / Star Trek: Voyager

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    Season 1 
  • The very first episode gives us some of The Doctor's best lines.
    Doctor: (holds out hand expectantly) Tricorder. (Harry hands him the tricorder he has on hand and the Doctor gives it, then him a look) Medical tricorder!
    • Also from the pilot, Tom Paris trolling the resident Magical Native American during their escape from the Ocampa underground.
      Paris: Isn't there some Indian trick where you can turn yourself into a bird and fly us out of here?
      Chakotay: You're too heavy.
    • Tom Paris trying to order tomato soup from the replicator.
      Paris: "Tomato soup."
      Replicator: "This unit is programmed to replicate fifteen different types of soup: with rice, with croutons—"
      Paris: "Plain."
      Replicator: "Hot or chilled?"
      Paris: "Hot. (frustrated) Hot...plain...tomato...soup!"
  • Janeway and Paris first encounter with the charming boy Latika, from "Time and Again".
    Latika: Yeah, well I just talked to the transport attendant. He told me four people came today from Kalto. Two of them were a lot older than you, and they had a child with them.
    Janeway: Well, the attendant was wrong. That was us.
    Latika: So, where's the child?
    Paris: We ate him. Because we are demons and we eat children and I haven't had my supper yet.
    • And then there's Janeway's response, which is to give him an 'angry Mom glare.'
    Paris: Sorry. I just figured it was the quickest way.
  • The bridge crew muting the EMH in "The Cloud".
    EMH: I'm curious Captain, exactly what are you looking for?
    Janeway: I need to know if we did serious harm to this life-form.
    EMH: Let's see, you ran your ship through it, fired phasers at it, and blew a hole in it with a photon torpedo. I'd say it's a pretty good chance that you did some fairly significant....
    Janeway: Computer: mute audio.
    • Followed up with the EMH pacing back and forth looking annoyed for a minute while the bridge crew discusses the situation, before finally waving his arms in order to get unmuted.
    • Earlier, Torres goes to the sickbay to get a second opinion about some readings from the EMH, upon which his snark and her standoffishness lead to what can only be described as a "sass-off." Their respective deliveries really sell the whole exchange.
    Torres: (startled) Why do you always have to say that?
    EMH: I can only speculate about my programmer's motives. Perhaps he thought I would be summoned for... important reasons?
    Torres: Under the circumstances, don't you think you ought to change your program?
    EMH: Now there's an interesting concept. A hologram that programs himself! Now what would I do with that ability? Create a family? Raise an army?
    Torres: I know a little about holographic programming. I could probably reprogram you!
    EMH: That makes me feel particularly confident.
    Torres: Has anyone ever told you you have a lousy attitude?
    EMH: If you don't like the Doctor's attitude, there's a man sitting at a console in the Jupiter Station Holo-Programming Center you can write to. His name is Zimmerman. He looks a lot like me, actually.
  • The recurring gag of Janeway's coffee addiction in the same episode.
    Janeway: There's coffee in that nebula!
    • Also, in lieu of coffee, Neelix attempts to serve Janeway his "even better than coffee substitute" (which has the viscosity of honey). When she gets a call from the bridge, Janeway takes the opportunity to leave without having to try it.
    Chakotay: (over the comm) Bridge to Captain Janeway.
    Janeway: I'm on my way!
    Chakotay: (once Janeway arrives on the bridge) There was no need for you to come to the bridge.
    Janeway: Yes, there was.
    • Later, Janeway hustling Paris at pool.
  • Early in "The Cloud," Kim makes an I've Never Seen Anything Like This Before statement regarding an unusual nebula while on the Bridge, causing Tuvok to comm him to tell him that statements like that make the junior officers nervous. Later the crew is trying to identify a barrier, which Tuvok admits he is unable to identify.
    Kim: Kim to Tuvok. In other words, you've never seen anything like it. Oh, I promise not to tell the junior officers.
  • When Seska is revealed to have been a Cardassian spy in "State of Flux", Chakotay laments to Tuvok (who had also been a spy on his ship, for the Federation), "Was anyone on that ship working for me?"
  • Chakotay gets in a good one-liner towards Tuvok in "Heroes and Demons":
    Tuvok: There are no demons in Vulcan literature.
  • "Learning Curve" gave us the immortal line, "Get the cheese to sickbay!"
    • From the same episode, the Doctor eventually gets the idea to deal with the infection like a human body would: roast it with a fever. After dialing up the heat on the ship to cleanse the gel-packs, he proudly announces success. Then the camera pans over to Kes, who is dripping with sweat while the holo-Doc is no worse for wear.
    • Also featured are four Maquis who won't accept Tuvok training them in Starfleet procedures, telling Chakotay that they'd rather keep doing things the Maquis way. So what does Chakotay do? He sucker-punches the ringleader, since that's the Maquis way, and tells them that they'll keep doing things the Maquis way until they get with the program.
  • In "The Phage" a Vidiian doctor is scanning the crew, but stops when he reaches the Emergency Medical Hologram.
    VIDIIAN: Strange. According to my readings, you are not here.
    EMH: Believe me, I wish I weren't.
    • After Neelix's lungs are stolen by the Vidiians, the Doctor decides to temporarily replace the missing organs with holographic recreations. Paris protests that this wouldn't work since holograms are intangible. The Doctor responds by slapping him.
    • While you can't help but pity Neelix for being forced to lay facing the ceiling for who-knows-how-long, it is quite funny how he calls the ceiling "hideous" (prompting the Doctor to remind him that he isn't a decorator) and says that the itch on his forehead is "urgent".

    Season 2 
  • The opening to "The 37's" gives us one of Starfleet's strangest encounters. Voyager discovers an ancient Earth vehicle (a farmer's truck) floating in space.
    • Everyone panicking when Tom manages to start the truck's engine and it backfires. Everyone except Tuvok scatters, and we get a shot of him wildly aiming his phaser at nothing while everyone else - including Janeway - timidly peeks out from behind cargo containers.
    • Torres literally not being able to identify crap. With a Tricorder in hand. Meanwhile, Janeway not only identifies it as manure but somehow, she is able to tell it is horse manure simply by smelling it - to which Tuvok and Torres share weirded out glances.
    • This exchange:
    Paris: Captain, I should tell you, I've never actually landed a starship before.
  • "Projections" has several, especially:
    Doctor: Computer, delete Paris.
    • Neelix tossing random objects at a Kazon, which made the fight look extremely silly.
    • There's also a callback to the "Tricorder. Medical tricorder!" bit from the pilot. It's still funny.
  • Decidedly the strangest sentence any Vulcan has ever spoken:
    • It is impossible to tell if it's Janeway or if it's Kate who almost corpses.
  • Kes starts getting frustrated with the rivalry between Tom and Neelix for her affections (which is mostly one-sided on Neelix's part, as Tom is attracted to her, but is respectful that she's in a relationship) and complains to the Doctor.
    Kes: On my homeworld, it's so much simpler. You choose a mate for life; there's no distrust, no jealousy, no envy, no betrayal...
    The Doctor: Hm. Your homeworld must have very dry literature.
  • Although "Threshold" is best served as Drinking Game fodder instead of an actual episode, there are a few INTENTIONALLY funny remarks from the Doctor.
    • After his shuttle trip, Tom is passed out on one of the Sickbay biobeds. Janeway asked if Tom can be woken up.
    Doctor: I don't see why not. (leans in close to Tom's ear) WAKE UP, LIEUTENANT! (Tom jolts awake)
    • Later, after Tom is brought back after collapsing in the Mess Hall, the Doctor asks what Tom ingested.
    B'Elanna: Just a cup of Neelix's coffee.
    Doctor: It's a miracle he's still alive...
    • As he lies mutating in Sickbay, Paris rambles on half-delirious about weird stuff, like his bedroom back home.
    Paris: I lost my virginity in that room. Seventeen. Parents were away for the weekend.
    Doctor: I'll note that in your medical file.
  • It was probably meant as a dramatic moment, but the scene where Tuvok choked Neelix to death left many viewers either cheering or laughing. Then it turned out that it was just a holodeck simulation.
    • The underlying implication of the scene is that Tuvok considers simply spending a few minutes with Neelix to be the situation most likely to send him into murderous rage.
  • In "Death Wish," a Q wants the right to die, and our old friend Q shows up, pushing them into a trial for his right to make that choice. Q calls forth character witnesses about the importance of this one Q to show that he should not end his existence, Isaac Newton, Maury Ginsberg, and Commander William Riker. The last knows and understands what's happening. When Janeway tries to explain to the others...
    Janeway: Consider for a moment that it might be possible to travel forward in time, say to the twenty-fourth century, onto a starship seventy thousand light years from Earth...
    (blank looks from Newton and Ginsberg)
    Janeway: (beat) You're having a very strange dream...
    • When "Normal" Q first arrives on the scene.
    Q: (looks around and realizes there aren't any men on the bridge) Is this a ship of the Valkyries? Or have you Earth women finally done away with your men?
  • The Doctor goes to Tom Paris for advice after Denara Pel turns him down for a date.
    Doctor: Mr, Paris. I assume you have a great deal of experience being rejected by women.
    • And why did Denara Pel turn him down? Because this was his pickup line:
    Doctor (in the middle of surgery): By the way, Denara, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm romantically attracted to you and wanted to know if you felt the same way.
  • Tuvok having to deal with the antics of the Drayan children Elani, Corin and Tressa in "Innocence". For someone who happens to have kids himself, they sure gave him the runaround for a while.
    Corin: But I want to sit next to you!
    Tuvok: (silently points a finger at the boy to be quiet)
  • Every time the Doctor enters the simulated world of the Clown in "The Thaw." The Clown has set up a freewheeling, party atmosphere and every time the Doctor appears, he just stops the festivities cold.
    • When Harry Kim is trying to figure out what the Clown is.
      Harry: "Are you form? Or perhaps some sort of computer virus that penetrated the system?"
      The Clown and His Whole Circus: (burst out laughing, then sing in a mocking voice) "A virus, a virus. He thinks I am a virus. He thinks I am a virus!"
      The Clown: (solo, speaking) "Well, maybe I'll be a virus today." (sneezes)
  • During Voyager's battle with the Kazon in "Basics Pt. 1", the crew try to fool the attacking ships with some holographic ships. Unfortunately, when they initiate the program, the Doc somehow gets stuck flailing outside the ship as the battle ensues and cries "MAN OVERBOOOOOOOARD!!!" What's the first thing he says once B'Elanna transfers him back to sickbay?
    B'Elanna: Doctor, are you there? Are you all right?
    Doctor: I told you, we should have run one last systems check.
    • Even better is that the Doctor is not so much "scared out of his wits" as he is "HARUMPH." Odo would be proud.
  • In "Tuvix", Tuvix asserting his authority when hustling everyone out of the kitchen:
    Tuvix: Chief of security or head chef. Take your pick!

    Season 3 
  • In "Basics Pt. 2", most of the crew has been dumped onto a Stone Age planet. Chakotay says this as they're trying to start a fire:
    "Sorry that you're stuck with the one Indian in the galaxy that can't make fire by rubbing two sticks together."
  • "Flashback": Tuvok and Janeway ambush memory!Rand and knock her out with the nerve pinch. As they are removing her uniform to disguise Janeway:
    Janeway: We could've just asked her.
    Tuvok: Asking female officers for their clothing could lead to misunderstandings.
    ''This is followed by a scene of Janeway on the bridge wearing Rand's obviously ill-fitting uniform.
    • Fridge Logic: It's a good thing this is all in Tuvok's head, or Rand might have had to explain how she wound up stuffed in a closet in her underwear.
  • In "The Swarm", the Doctor is breaking down. The diagnostic program is another hologram that looks like Zimmerman, and at one point, when giving an example of the useless stuff cluttering the EMH's personality subroutines, he taps a key. On cue, the Doctor starts singing an aria from an opera. The diagnostic hologram taps another key to turn it off.
  • The episode "False Profits" is full of laughs (thanks mostly to the Ferengi Arridor and Kol). One moment that really stands out would be near the end of the episode. When it looks like the two Ferengi and Neelix (who was disguised as a Ferengi at the time in order to try and get the two to leave the planet) are about to be burned at the stake as the jubiliant and enthusiastic (but horribly misguided) locals attempt to send them back up to their home in the sky "on wings of flame" in the words of the ancient prophecies they're following.
    Kol: Arridor?
    Arridor: What is it now?!
    Kol: We had seven years of pure profit.
    Arridor: (smiles) We did, didn't we?
    Neelix: (Neelix gives them both a look of pure confusion and disgust)
  • Near the beginning of the "Future's End" two parter Janeway and Chakotay discuss what their ancient relatives were up to during the time period. During the conversation, Chakotay makes a comment that simply can't be approved under Starfleet regulations towards a ship's captain.
    Janeway: (a random woman on skates bumps into the pair and apologies before she skates away) For all I know she might be my great-great-great-great grandmother.
    Chakotay: (smiles mischievously) She does have your legs.
    • Janeway's reference to Spock's famous "Bone knives and bear skins" line.
    • Tom has the pleasure of using the last line of the two parter to deliver a 20th century insult (which he picked up from Rain) to Tuvok.
    Tom: (totally deadpan) You know what Tuvok, you're a real freakasaurus.
    • And speaking of Tuvok, after he and the others beam down in period clothes and see what everyone else is wearing:
      "We could have worn our Starfleet uniforms. I doubt if anyone would have noticed."
    • Henry Sterling's last words:
    • To clarify, this is the man who captured a time traveling ship after it fell to Earth in the 1970s, and has been a real Jerkass for the two part series. Eventually, after some on-the-fly repairs to the torpedo tubes, Voyager just barely manages to fire off a single torpedo at him as he is attempting to travel to the future—which is quite sufficient to obliterate him, however.
  • After B'Elanna is infected with Vorik's Pon Farr in "Blood Fever", Paris is informed that he needs to have sex with her to keep her from going insane and dying (and at this point they're not yet a couple) and all but ordered to do so. The expression on his face (kind of a combination between "Man, all that holding her off was for nothing!" and "Well, okay then!") is priceless.
    • And their encounter at the end:
    Paris: You're afraid that your big, scary Klingon side might have been showing. Well, I saw it up close and you know, it wasn't so terrible. In fact, I wouldn't mind seeing it again someday.
    B'Elanna: Careful what you wish for, Lieutenant.
  • Several moments from "Before and After" such as Doc's inability to choose and keep a name (Dr. Van Gogh in one time period, Dr. Mozart in another). Then we get these hilarious lines:
    Harry: So how does it feel to be a grandfather?
    Tom: A lot better than it does to have you for a son-in-law.
  • "Displaced."
    • B'Elanna interrogates Kim on whether or not she's "hostile"...
    B'Elanna: You don't think I'm hostile, do you?
    Kim: (backing away slowly) Uh... no?
    B'Elanna: I speak my mind, I'm forthright, but that's different from hostile.
    Kim: (cowering) Very different.
    B'Elanna: I'm forthright, I speak my mind, but that shouldn't be construed. As. Hostile. ... And if someone were to say I was hostile, they'd be way off base. Right?!
    Kim: Oh, absolutely.
    B'Elanna: Then how come you look like you're afraid for your life?
    • Chakotay and some Ensign are the only two members of the Voyager crew left on the Bridge...
    Chakotay: So, how do you like your first day as chief of security, Ensign?
    Ensign: It's everything I dreamed it would be, sir.
    • Tom and B'Elanna have to hide in an artificial winter landscape from the Nyrians, and while Tom handles the cold reasonably well, for B'Elanna, it's torture. So we get this exchange:
    Tom: I would've thought all that hot Klingon blood would've kept you warm.
    B'Elanna (shivering): Shows how little you know about Klingons. They have much less tolerance for the cold than humans do.
    Tom: Really? I thought that was Cardassians.
    B'Elanna: No, they just complain about it more.
    • The Doctor tries to interject into Tom and B'Elanna's argument, so B'Elanna grabs his mobile emitter, turns off his voice and keeps arguing. Cruel, but hilarious.
    • The ending of the episode. Janeway, knowing the aliens that have displaced her crew can't stand cold, transports them into the coldest habitat, the same one that they put Tom and B'Elanna in. She then gives them a speech about how she's taken control of their translocator device and every time says "translocator," she says it with a certain inflection that makes it clear just how unimpressed with them she is. She then gives them a choice to either release everyone else they've captured or she'll transport the remainder of their people into there and leave them there. When they refuse, she backs away and calmly starts calling for a beam-out before finally stopping after a bit of begging from them.
  • If you can get past the Nightmare Fuel that is two Borg cubes getting one-shot KO'ed by Species 8472 at the start of 'Scorpion,' the fact that they don't even get to their Catch-Phrase of "Resistance is futile" (thus showing resistance is anything but) can be pretty humorous, and, based on that situation, you really need all the laughs you can get.
  • The two Voth scientists observing the Voyager crew and commenting on this like they were something in between animal behaviorists and anthropologists.

    Season 4 
  • One of the few funny moments in the otherwise morbid "Mortal Coil": Neelix casually brings up the Kazon in a conversation with Seven of Nine, who reveals that the Kazon were rejected for assimilation by the Borg because they would have "detracted from perfection." Burn!!!
    • Even better is the Prixin party. Samantha Wildman talks to the Doctor about raising Naomi, and Seven attempts idle party conversation thusly:
    Seven: Children assimilated by the Borg are placed in maturation chambers for seventeen cycles.
    Wildman (obviously Squicked out): .....interesting. Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go talk to Neelix. [hastily leaves]
    Doctor: In these... maturation chambers, the development of conversational skills is, I suppose, a low priority?
  • In "Revulsion":
    • Tom and Harry hosting The Roast for Tuvok's promotion party, telling everyone about one of the many pranks they've played on him.
    • Seven trying to seduce poor Harry in her usual blunt way, forcing him to confront his inarticulate crush on her.
    Kim: I don't know what you're talking about.
    Seven: Obviously you've suggested a visit to the holodeck in the hopes of creating a romantic mood. Are you in love with me, Ensign?
    Kim: Well, no.
    Seven: Then you wish to copulate?
    Kim: No! I mean, I, I don't know what I mean.
    Seven: All of these elaborate rituals of deception. I didn't realize becoming human again would be such a challenge. Sexuality is particularly complex. As Borg we had no need for seduction, no time for single cell fertilization. We saw a species we wanted and we assimilated it. Nevertheless, I am willing to explore my humanity. Take off your clothes.
    Kim: Er, Seven.
    Seven: Don't be alarmed. I won't hurt you.
  • In the otherwise creepy episode "Scientific Method" we have:
    • Tom and B'Elanna passionately making out at a semi-secluded engineering workstation. B'Elanna says she feels like she's being watched, Tom says she's paranoid, and back in the teaser this was because the alien scientists were monitoring them. This time it's because Tuvok has arrived.
    • Janeway is frustrated with all the fooling around on the ship, and tells Tuvok to straighten everyone up. His response?
    Tuvok: Shall I flog them as well?
    • After Chakotay is prematurely aged and Neelix is turned into a Myleean (dialated pupils, fused spinal column) they sit on a biobed and try to one-up each other with complaints like a pair of old men.
    • Janeway's facial expressions as the Doctor gives her an overly vigorous massage.
    EMH: You work absurdly long hours under constant stress, eating on the run, without sufficient exercise or rest. Your body is crying out for mercy.
    (Works his elbow into Janeway's back, which gives a Sickening "Crunch!")
    Janeway: It certainly is right now!
  • "Message in a Bottle". Take any pick of EMH Mk II and the Doctor's interaction, especially the one when they talk about sex, and Mk II's lament.
    • Don't forget this one.
      Computer: specify attack pattern.
      Mark I: Attack pattern... (thinks for a sec)... Alpha?
      Computer: State target.
      Both EMHs: ROMULANS!
    • Yep, and these ones:
      Mark I: Stop breathing down my neck!
      Mark II: My breathing is merely a simulation.
      Mark I: So's my neck, stop it anyway!

      Mark I: You hit the wrong ship!
      Mark II: It wasn't my fault!
      Mark I: WELL WHOSE FAULT WAS IT THEN, THE TORPEDO'S? You're supposed to tell it what to do!

      Mark II: What are they doing?!
      Mark I: Firing on us!
      Mark II: They must think there are Romulans on board!
      Mark I: THEY'RE RIGHT!!
    • The same episode also gave us Seven knocking a belligerent alien unconscious with an electrical shock. She explains:
      Seven: He was not responding to diplomacy.
  • In "The Killing Game: Part 2",EMH to Neelix when they're being dragged into a battle by Klingons: "You heard the man, run along. I'll reattach any severed limbs, just don't misplace them." Then the Doc gets dragged along with them.
    Holo Klingon: Qapla!
    Neelix: ...Qapla...
    Doc: (waving a knife) Tally-ho.
  • "Waking Moments" has Janeway, B'Elanna and Tuvok dealing with a warp core breach. As they go to escape, Janeway has a Eureka Moment and heads back to the core. When it explodes, B'Elanna and Tuvok reopen the door... to find Janeway approaching them. Her deadpan response "Either I've become impervious to antimatter explosions or we're still dreaming." sells it.
  • In "The Omega Directive," when Seven of Nine is put in charge of a project and proceeds to give everyone Borg designations.
    Seven: Six of Ten, this is not your assignment.
    Kim: Please, stop calling me that.
    Seven: You are compromising our productivity. I am reassigning you to chamber maintenance. Your new designation is Two of Ten.
    Kim: Wait a minute, you're demoting me?
  • Janeway's admission of the importance of coffee in "Hunters."
    Janeway: I beat the Borg with it.
  • In "Year of Hell," Janeway remarks that she's made it a goal in life to avoid time travel. Considering that there's at least one time travel-focused episode in each of the following seasons, one can almost hear the laughter of the audience, rippling through the time-space continuum.
  • In "Prey" Seven and the Doctor's social interactions exercises.

    Season 5 
  • Tom tries to get Seven involved in his Captain Proton simulation. He opts to give her the role of Constance Goodheart, Captain Proton's secretary. When faced with Satan's Robot, the scripted response from Constance is to scream. A lot. Seven marches up to it and rips out its wiring, shutting it down.
    Satan's Robot: Citizen of Earth! Surrender! Do not resist!
    Seven: I am Borg. (nonchalantly opens its chest panel and rips out its wiring)
    Satan's Robot: Surrennnnnderrrrrrr... (shuts down)
    Seven: The robot has been neutralised. May I leave now?
    Tom: Come on Seven, give it a chance! The galaxy's at stake.
    • The way that the robot's spring-style arms stretch to the ground as it shuts down just makes the whole scene.
  • In "Extreme Risk," the crew's trying to get the Delta Flyer ready so they can beat the Malon to a probe they're trying to recover. Tim Russ puts just the right amount of emphasis into this exchange to make it hilarious:
    Paris: Look, we could spend weeks trying to solve this, but we've got a ticking clock. Engines are working, weapons systems are online... I say we launch now and hope for the best.
    Tuvok: Mr. Paris, that is perhaps the most illogical statement you've ever made.
  • Drunk Seven in "Timeless"
  • In "Infinite Regression," Jeri Ryan's Ferengi impression.
  • In "Counterpoint", we have an alien who puffs his nose when he gets agitated. What really sells it is Mulgrew's reaction.
  • "Bride of Chaotica". Oh, where do we begin.
    Captain: Let me get this straight, transdimensional aliens have mistaken your Captain Proton simulation for reality?
    Paris: Yes ma'am.
    Captain: And now an armed conflict has broken out between these aliens and Chaotica's holographic army?
    Paris: (completely deadpan) Yes ma'am. His army of evil.
    • When Tom recommends that someone take on the role of Queen Arachnia, Janeway sarcastically asks who he had in mind, at which point she and all of the other officers in the room turn to look at Seven. A couple moments pass, and then Janeway turns back around to see that Tom is looking straight at her. She's even laughing at the thought of Seven as Arachnia, and the second she sees that Tom's looking at HER, her face just DROPS.
    • A recap site best explains Janeway's expression done up in the ridiculous Arachnia outfit: "When this is all over, Janeway vows, death is far too good a fate for Tom gold-danged Paris."
    • "See you at the Fortress of Doom! And remember. You're the Queen!"
    • Any and all instances of the magnificent Large Ham that is Doctor Chaotica.
      FoooooOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!!! You will pay for your inCOMpetence!!
      • Later on, Janeway gets into the spirit of the thing and really hams it up, delightfully yelling, "HA! You're no match for Arachnia!"
    • Before she even gets to the role of Arachnia, there's a beautiful moment that very much sums up her relationship with coffee.
      (Janeway enters the Mess Hall)
      Janeway: Coffee, black.
      Neelix: Sorry, Captain. We lost two more replicators this morning-
      Janeway: Listen to me very carefully because I'm only going to say this once. Coffee, black.
      Neelix: Yes, ma'am. Coffee, black. (pours a cup) While I've got your attention, there are- (Janeway holds up a hand)
      Janeway: Coffee first. (proceeds to take a big gulp) Now what's the problem?
    • The charmingly retro 1940s Scifi monster that is Satan's Robot. Cheesy? Yes. Generic? Totally. Hilarious? Most definitely.
      Satan's Robot: Invaders, Invader-
      Paris: (exasperated, bangs his phaser into the robots face with a clang) Quiet!
      Satan's Robot: (sounding subdued and downtrodden) Invaders...
    • Tuvok's take on the Death Ray, notable because even Chakotay and Seven visibly bust up laughing in the background.
      Paris: Well, he's been attacking the aliens with his Death Ray.
      Tuvok: It's a shame we don't have one.
  • Tom "rescuing" Harry from being "tortured" by the Delaney Sisters in a Captain Proton hologram. Really, he's not complaining about the mind probe.
  • Torres discovering Seven has been keeping notes on her and Paris' love life in "Someone to Watch Over Me".
    Torres: How the hell do you know when we're having "intimate relations"?!
    Seven: (deadpan) There is no one on Deck 9, Section 12 who doesn't know when you are having intimate relations.
  • In "Bliss," a massive alien creature tricks the crew into thinking they have a wormhole to Earth when they're really rendered unconcious and the alien swallows up the ship. Free of its influence, Seven of Nine and Naomi Wildman meet up with Quatai, a man who's been hunting the creature for decades and they go to the medical bay.
    Doctor: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
    Quatai: Your ship is being eaten by a giant monster. I'd say that's an emergency, wouldn't you?
    • The same episode has Naomi Wildman's first road trip in the Delta Flyer, which apparently wasn't as exciting as she'd hoped. Her requests to do something fun allow Tom to let out his inner child.
      Naomi: Well, can't we make first contact with somebody? Or get in a space battle?
      Tom: (Puppy-Dog Eyes) Yeah, can we?
      Seven: (resists the urge to sigh in annoyance)
  • During a ping pong tournament in the Mess Hall, the ball abruptly pauses in midair. The crew begin checking it out with tricorders and staring at it. It then resumes moving... And Neelix marks down the point on his PADD.
  • The episode "Nothing Human" starts with several of the crew stuck in a slideshow by the Doctor. Cut up to the bridge, where Harry reminds Chakotay that he was supposed to declare yellow alert at twenty-one hundred and break them out. Chakotay has decided that since he and Harry were subject to the full two hour lecture, he shouldn't deprive the others of that. The others have some choice words after they're released.
    Torres: What happened to going to yellow alert after half an hour?
    Tuvok: Commander Chakotay appears to have disobeyed a direct order.
    Janeway: Definitely grounds for court martial.

    Season 6 
  • Voyager has just escaped an alien attack in the season premiere, and casualties are pouring into Sickbay. When they activate the Doctor...note 
    Doctor: Please state the nature of... (sees all the injured crew surrounding him) Don't bother.
  • In "Survival Instinct," Janeway has opened up the Bridge and Voyager in general to delegations of visiting aliens. It seems like things are going well, but Tuvok has some concerns, which he's outlined in his criminal activities report. Janeway scans it over and doesn't think much of it sounds too serious. He tells her that there's a second page, so she continues reading, admitting that some of the stuff is a bit more serious, but she still thinks they did the right thing.
    Tuvok: There is a third page.
    • Crowd Control, Borg style, as Naomi and Seven try to make their way through a crowded corridor:
      Naomi: (trying to make her way through the throng) Excuse me, excuse me please! We're trying to get through to the turbolift!
      Seven: STAND ASIDE.
      (Everyone moves aside, allowing Seven and Naomi passage)
      Naomi: Thanks.
  • Many moments in "Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy", but a special mention goes to the Doctor's aria in the teaser and the briefing room scene.
    • "Tu-vok, I un-der-stand/You are a Vul-can man..." Also Crowning Music of Awesome.
    • Also in that episode, some of the crew, including Seven, enter the Doctor's daydream to discover that he's imagining doing a nude portrait of Seven. Janeway just looks at the picture and finally observes that "he does the hands very well." (Likely a Call-Back joke to the "hands of a surgeon" joke on DS9)
    • The computer in the Doctor's daydreams (voiced by Majel Barret, as usual) gets in some good lines, too:
      Warning: Warp core breach a lot sooner than you think.
      Warning: Last chance to be a hero, Doctor. Get going!
  • "Pathfinder" gives us an appropriately Lampshaded bit of Technobabble:
    Reg Barclay: Has it ever occurred to you that a tachyon beam directed at a class-B itinerant pulsar could produce enough gravimetric energy to create an artificial singularity?
    Deanna Troi: (beat) I can't say that it has.
  • "Blink of an Eye":
    • The Doctor beams down to observe the planet around which Voyager is in orbit. He's supposed to be gone 3 seconds (2 days local time, but instead gets trapped for 3 years local. When he's returned, he practically tackles Janeway in joy at seeing her again.
    • Later, he meets an astronaut from the planet and talks sports like a modern day football fan.
    • And when the crew is frantically searching for the Doctor's transporter signature, Chakotay orders Harry to look for opera houses. They find him almost immediately.
  • Dr Zimmerman is griping about how the EMH keeps trying to diagnose his illness, while receiving a soothing massage from a holographic Elloran female, who then covertly takes out a tricorder and starts to scan him.
    Zimmerman: (realizes something) Computer, realign Voyager's EMH.
    Doctor: (smiles sheepishly as he returns to normal)
    Zimmerman: YOU!!
    • The Doctor and Zimmerman are both so abrasive that they drive the normally calm and understanding Deanna Troi to snap. "You're both jerks!"
  • In "The Haunting of Deck Twelve" Janeway orders some coffee. Due to glitches caused by the nebula that they're in, the replicator makes a cylinder of coffee that immediately collapses into a puddle, then makes the mug that the coffee was supposed to be in. Adding in Janeway's noted addiction to the stuff just makes the moment of pathos better.

    Season 7 
  • Voyager has entered a race, which becomes troubled an act of sabotage. The official offers Voyager a chance to back out.
    Janeway: Last I checked, we were winning.
  • Torres pointing out to Paris how ridiculous it is for him to make a 3D movie theater on the holodeck, using a system that can make genuine three dimensional images to create the illusion of such.
  • In "Critical Care" the crew have to track down the Doctor's kidnapper. They ask a lady who dated (sort of) the kidnapper and she accuses Janeway of wanting the man for herself. Instead of trying to convince the woman of the truth, she grabs Tuvok's hand and says, "I already have a man." Tuvok looks as uncomfortable as a Vulcan can be. AND IT IS HILARIOUS.
    • Janeway's "please kill me" face while listening to the lady prattle on about her man is just perfect by itself.
  • Pretty much every moment when The Doc is stuck in Seven's body in "Body and Soul".
  • In the episode "Nightingale", Icheb, inexperienced at relationships, especially romantic ones, thinks that B'Elanna might be expressing interest in him, despite being married. In perhaps the worst bit of reasoning possible, he asks the Doctor for advice on how to determine if someone is interested in someone else romantically. The Doctor gives very little useful information, and cites some biological symptoms of sexual attraction. Later, when working with B'Elanna in the tight confines of the Jeffries Tube, she uses Icheb's shoulder to lean on as she reaches up to access a system. He whips out his tricorder (not a euphemism) and scans her. The results (which presumably match the Doctor's suggested symptoms) cause his eyes to widen comically and he gets an almost terrified look on his face. Later Paris makes a friendly offer that Icheb join him in his race car program on the holodeck, which Icheb misinterprets as a human variation of a Klingon's mate challenging a romantic rival. Icheb quickly goes to "break up" with a confused B'Elanna.
  • Neelix of all people Boldly Coming with a female Klingon. Complete with bite marks and bruises.
    Neelix: I'm really gonna miss her...
    • Even better: They went full Destructo-Nookie in Tuvok's quarters, leaving them in utter chaos. Tuvok is then visibly struggling to uphold his Vulcan stoicism while he is telling Neelix to Get Out.
    • And how does Neelix get busy with said Klingon woman? Because originally Harry was the one she wouldn't leave alone, so Neelix "told him off" so she'd become more fondly interested in him instead. How sad is it when Neelix gets more booty than Harry Kim??
  • In "Q2", Janeway tells Q he needs to spend more time with his son to rein in said son and Q thinks this is a great idea. He kisses Janeway full on the mouth and disappears. The expression of shock and disbelief on her face has to be seen to be believed. Here, have a look.
    • Q has to discipline his son for bringing Voyager into contact with three Borg cubes.
    Q: If the Continuum has told you once, they have told you a thousand times: DON'T PROVOKE THE BORG!
    Janeway: (to replicator) Coffee. Black.
    Computer: Make it yourself.
    • q, while going about his mischief early on finger-snaps Seven of Nine's uniform away. She takes a moment to inform him that his attempts to embarrass her won't work, and ignores him to continue her work. Out of frustration, q finger-snaps her uniform back and huffs off.
    • After his powers are taken away, Q Junior rather pathetically asks Seven of Nine, "Can I see you naked again?"
  • Tom Paris rewrites the Doctor's holonovel in "Author, Author".
    "You are about to embark upon a remarkable journey. You will take on the role of a medical assistant aboard the starship Voyeur. Your job will be to assist the Chief Medical Officer and learn to tolerate his overbearing behaviour and obnoxious bedside manner. Remember, patience is a virtue!"
  • In the episode "Shattered", the last time we see the Captain Proton holonovel, Chakotay and a time displaced season 1 Janeway (due to the Timey-Wimey Ball) get caught by Doctor Chaotica and his henchmen. Past!Janeway can't seem to decide if she's confused or exasperated, all the while Chakotay's enjoying himself way to much while still managing to keep a straight face.
    Janeway: If we restore the timeline remind me to cancel Mr. Paris's holodeck privileges.
    • Her eyeroll as they convince Chaotica to help them is the perfect cap to the entire scene.
  • Janeway's struggles with replicators continue in "Shattered."
    Chakotay: Let me guess. You burned the roast again.
    Janeway: Once, a long time ago, I called this replicator a glorified toaster. It never forgave me.
  • "Endgame": The future Paris on the Doctor finally choosing a name:
    Paris: Joe? It took you 33 years to come up with Joe?
    • Captain Janeway makes a hilarious 'does not compute' face when Admiral Janeway tells her that she gave up coffee.

  • For the 30th-Anniversary special that aired on UPN, they put together (amongst other things) a mock audition for Voyager, featuring Kate Mulgrew... and the cast of Frasier (minus Kelsey Grammer). Out of Character moments, Deadpan Snarkery from Janeway, Lampshade Hangings and general silliness galore.
  • Any time Seven is in a social situation, and effectively has to order people to enjoy themselves.
    Seven: (to the Borg children) "Fun" will now commence.
  • A meta example from the pilot, when Janeway tells Neelix that transporters are "quite harmless." Yeah, Neelix, it's not like you might get accidentally cloned, split into good and evil halves, sent into a Mirror Universe, merged with someone else, turned into a child, trapped in subspace, or anything like that. Nothing to worry about!