Funny / Star Trek: Enterprise

  • From "Broken Bow", Archer says to T'Pol: "Volatile? You have no idea how much I'm restraining myself from knockin' you on your ass!"
    • Also Hoshi cussing out T'Pol.
    • That and poor Hoshi trying to translate Klaang's ramblings.
    Klaang: (shouts in Klingonise)
    Hoshi: I'm not sure but I think he said something about, eating the afterlife?
    Klaang: (more Klingon)
    Hoshi: He says his wife has grown ugly?
    • Then Phlox points out that Klaang isn't fully cognizant, Hoshi can't help but agree.
    Hoshi: I think he's right captain, unless stinky boots has anything to do with all of this?
    • And Travis' 'Hey, I found her!' when they start scanning for T'Pol, half a second after she shows up frantically banging on the shuttle door.
    • Let's not forget this little gem:
    Admiral Leonard: It's a Kling-ott.
    Tos: A Kling-on.
    • Dominic Keating himself considered this line to be one of his character's best:
    Reed: They're called "phase pistols." They have two settings: "stun" and "kill." It would be best not to confuse them.
    • Archer gets to test the new weapon:
    Archer: (*shoots Suliban*) "Stun" seems to work.
    • Of course the best exchange from "Broken Bow" is between Trip and Klaang.
    Klaang: <shouts in Klingon>
    Trip: Well I don't particularly like the way you smell either!
    Klaang: <rolls eyes>
    • The one before that is also pretty funny.
    Klaang: <shouts at Suliban in Klingon>
    Trip: You tell 'em, big guy.
  • From "Cease Fire".
    Archer: I'll go. My ears aren't as likely to attract gunfire.
    Ambassador Soval: What is their obsession with our ears?!
    T'Pol: I believe they are envious.
    • Same episode, after Archer refers to a compromise as "a solution neither side is happy with."
      Shran: In that case, these talks have been extremely successful.
  • Shran in "Proving Ground".
    The Andorian Mining Consortium runs from no one!
  • This is an outtake, but it still qualifies.
  • In 'Harbinger' the look on Trip's face when T'Pol explains that having sex with him was just an 'experiment' on humanity, and the line 'I don't appreciate being compared to lab rat!'
    • During Reed and Hayes' big fight, a nameless crewman stumbles upon them. Reed orders him, "As you were"—just before Hayes's fist shoots out to send him flying. And the crewman just walks away.
  • Basically all of "Unexpected", but especially the opening. Archer is in the shower when the grav plating malfunctions and he and the water begin floating upwards. When Malcolm asks if it's caused any inconvience, Archer just casually says 'Oh, no, no, not at all' whilst clinging to the showerhead to stop himself hitting the ceiling. Then a few seconds later they come back online and he falls back to the ground with a weary 'thank you!'
    • "Perhaps the next step would've been to meet her holographic parents?"
    • And those Klingons: "I can see my house!"
  • Trip tries to confirm if T'Pol was trying to be funny.
    Trip: Was that... a joke?
    T'Pol: Believe me, if I ever decide to make a joke, you'll know it.
  • Just about all of "Two Days and Two Night", especially Phlox's half-asleep ramblings.
    Phlox: I don't care what it tastes like!
    • I'll bet there's an interesting story behind that comment!
  • Malcolm and Archer are on a planet with a slightly toxic atmosphere:
    Archer: Try not to breathe.
    Malcolm: I'll try, sir.
  • The look on T'Pol's face when Phlox is watching The Court Jester.
  • In "Shadows of P'Jem", the whole of the scene where Archer and T'Pol are snarking at each other whilst they try to get free of the ropes tying them together. Especially when they fall over and Archer faceplants in T'Pol's boobs.
  • Just about all of the initial interrogation scene in "Azati Prime," where Archer is really sticking it to the Reptilians.
    Archer: Still, the reptiles might've come out on top, if it hadn't been for a slight disadvantage.
    Dolim: And what was that?
    Archer: They had brains the size of a walnut. That's very small. Apparently, it's a constant in the universe.
    Dolim: *visibly resists the urge to strangle Archer*
  • Trip's reaction to learning about his probable mating bond with T'Pol in "Bound", which makes him immune to Orion pheromones: "I don't know whether to be relieved, or reeeeally worried..."
  • From "The Forge":
    Archer: You had (a sehlat) as a pet?note 
    T'Pol: You have Porthos.
    Archer: Porthos doesn't try to eat me when I'm late with his dinner!
    T'Pol: Vulcan children are never late with their sehlat's dinner.
    Archer: I can believe that.
  • In a Black Comedy way, the opening to the Mirror Universe episode "In A Mirror Darkly" was Actually Pretty Funny, especially with all the upbeat music from First Contact playing right before things take a turn decidedly for the worse:
    Vulcan Ambassador: "Live long, and prosper." (he gives the Vulcan hand sign greeting)
    (Cochrane tries to imitate his hand signal and fails. The background music segues discordantly into a darker theme. Reaching into his coat, he pulls out a shotgun and shoots the ambassador).
    Grizzled Old Man: "Board their ship! Take everything you can!"
    (Yelling savagely, the crowd charges up the ramp, guns blazing. We fade out to the modified opening credits...)
  • The expression on Hoshi's face when Dr Phlox casually feeds a cute tribble to one of his creatures.
  • Just about all of "Acquisition".
    • The highlight of course being when Grish and Muk attempt to interrogate Porthos. Porthos (being a dog), naturally doesn't understand what they want, and just happily wags his tail and barks.
    Grish: Where—is—the vault? Do—you—understand—ME?
    Porthos: Woof!
    • and after they fail to communicate with him, Grish and Muk debate whether Porthos is Archers next meal, or really the one in charge.
  • The scene in Archer's dream in "A Night In Sickbay" at the cemetery, that and the bat chasing.
  • Watching Archer getting all those fighting tips in "United", especially the one from the Tellarite.
    "Better to insert between the eyes and twwwist!"
  • In "Doctor's Orders": the moment where Phlox trots into the nude. And the whole sequence is basically one "concealment" after another, as he goes about his merry business.
  • In "The Forgotten," Phlox tries to convince an overworked and exhausted Trip to get some sleep, and ends up negotiating with him over this.
    Trip: I can give you two hours.
    Phlox: I believe the number was six.
    Trip: If I'm gone longer than three, there may not be a ship here when I get back!
    Phlox: Four. Not a minute less.
    Trip: [beat] Deal. And remind me never to buy a car from you.
  • In "Anomaly," Trip is still hesitant to undergo neuropressure with T'Pol. So, Phlox offers an alternative: leeches! Trip immediately agrees to see T'Pol.
  • The scene from "Singularity," when Travis goes to see Phlox about his headache, and Phlox suggests a few possibilities, from simple tension to the time in "Dead Stop" when his brain got jacked into the station's computer. "On the other hand, Terrelian plague starts out with a simple headache, and then all manner of nasty things begin to happen..." The look on Trav's face...