Artemis Fowl: "Incorrect. I was never here. The tapes will prove it."
You did not read this entry. It was never written. You never got here, you dreamed it
or were too tired/high/medicated and started to hallucinate.
This phrase is not associated with The Men in Black
. There are no large number of variants.
You don't need to compare with You Didn't See That
P.S. That Didn't Happen
These aren't examples
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Anime and Manga
Live Action Television
- Knight Rider: "A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist."
- A recurring character in The Fast Show.
- "You ain't seen me, right?"
- In one case, going into a police station, impatiently awaiting the attention of the officer on duty, before delivering the catchphrase and walking out.
- Fawlty Towers: "You know nothing about the horse."
- Doctor Who:
- In Frontios, the Doctor and his companions visit a human colony that's so far in the future that the Time Lords (the Doctor's race) would disapprove. At the end, the colony thanks him for saving them, and he tells them, "Don't mention it." His companion Turlough clarifies, "He means it. Literally." I.e. the Doctor doesn't want the colonists to let the Time Lords find out about it.
- In Series 4, Episode 2, "The Fires of Pompeii", when Metella asks the Doctor who he is, with his way with words, and his "temple containing such size within", he answers, "Oh, I was never here. Don't tell anyone."
- Used directly in Torchwood episode "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," when John Hart drops a mugger off the roof of a parking garage. His only words to the victim are "I was never here. Go." Notable in that he actually murdered the guy to draw attention to himself, but only wanted Jack's attention instead of the police.
- The X-Files characters were practically joined at the hip to this trope. Most notably with Mulder's informants (Deep Throat and Mister X). The former was kinder about letting everyone know the danger he placed himself in by giving up such information. The latter was downright violent about it.
- During the "reality show" style competition to be part of House's new team, Amber pulls this on Wilson and a patient when using the connected balcony between House and Wilson's office to sneak out of House's office.
- On Season 3 of 24...
Sherry: If anyone suspects that I was here, there will be an investigation, and both of us will go to prison. I was never here. You understand?
- On Supernatural, this is what the Winchester brothers usually say when the police need to be called and the problem has been dealt with, because they're wanted for a number of serious crimes.
- Dwight's assistant says this to Pam on The Office (US) when he gives her the evidence she needs to defeat Dwight's evil landlord schemes...except it kind of backfires because she doesn't get it, and Dwight sent him to plant the evidence anyway because he felt bad for her after witnessing her confess to Jim that she was once again failing at her job.
Henry: Don't tell me. I don't want to know about it. You guys have my full permission, and I never said that. I mean, I'm not even here, so how could I?
- Sgt. Schultz on Hogan's Heroes has "I know NUSSINK! I see NUSSINK!" as a Catch Phrase - he's Genre Savvy enough to realize that investigating would just make things worse for him. Sometimes he goes further and tells the heroes, "I know nothing! I see nothing! I was not here! I didn't even get out of bed this morning!"
- In an episode of Scrubs, Dr. Cox punched out Bob Kelso for chewing out Elliott, deliberately trying to reduce her to tears. In the following episode, Kelso revealed that he tried to press charges, but even though it happened in a lobby full of people, no one saw a thing.
- On Breaking Bad, Mike the Cleaner says this to Jesse after helping him cover up Jane's not-really-accidental drug-related death, after making him repeat "I woke up, I found her, that's all I know."
- On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, after learning that Willow is illegally hacking a coroner's files to learn more about suspicious deaths, Giles gives the line:
Giles: Right... Wasn't here, didn't see you, couldn't have stopped you.
- In the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode "Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges":
Bashir: "In time of war, the law falls silent." Cicero. So is that what we have become; a 24th century Rome, driven by nothing other than the certainty that Caesar can do no wrong?!
Admiral Ross: This conversation never happened. (puts combadge back on) You're dismissed.
- In "In the Pale Moonlight", the entire episode is framed in flashback, as Sisko's private confession into his personal log. At the very end of the episode, following Sisko's chilling admission that he can live with everything he felt he had to do, he deletes the entire log so that the truth will never be revealed.
- Star Trek: Voyager did a variation that doubled as a serious Mind Screw. As Janeway is questioning an alien who nearly took down her entire crew with his telepathic powers, he tells her he'd like to help
Alien:...but you see, I'm not really here. (Vanishes without a trace)
- JAG: In "Tribunal":
Rabb: Webb, I didn't know you were here.
Webb: I'm not.
- In an episode of NUMB3RS, Charlie has his security clearance taken away and is unable to officially work on FBI cases. Instead, Amita and Larry are asked to help. However, they don't have Charlie's level of genius, so he has to occasionally help out without the FBI finding out. After one such session, he leaves by quoting this trope.
- A Running Gag in 'Allo 'Allo! involves La Résistance leader Michelle giving Rene orders, then telling him to forget everything she just said for security reasons.
- Invoked by Teresa Lisbon in the Season 3 finale of The Mentalist. Upon realizing at a crime scene that their rather bizarre case is connected to the case of Madeline Hightower, which only she and Jane know the truth about, she instructs her people to put everything back and make it look like they were never there.
- In Exalted, Sidereals have a Charm called Avoidance Kata which retcons reality so that they were, indeed, never there.
- The Parable epic destiny from the fourth edition D&D supplement Arcane Power is about this — since the whole concept of that destiny is based on the character's attempt to lay bare the illusion underlying reality and physically become an in-universe Ascended Meme, the specific powers granted by it all have the common theme of them "not really being there" (which at the highest level culminates in cancelling their death once per day because it turned out that what 'died' was just an illusory doppelganger after all).
- The VCR game of Clue- "I was never in Sumatra".
- One of the random messages from the pirates in Privateer, when pirates are friendly to you (as in the Tayla mission series): "I didn't see you, and you're blind."
- At the end of the Starcraft demo (which is also the prequel to the main game), you are told that you did not just kill a bunch of Xenomorphs ... and the SpecOps unit was never here.
- In Splinter Cell Conviction, at the end of the White House level, and thus the game, when Army troops see Sam in the Oval Office preparing to deal with Reed, President Caldwell tells the Captain present that she was the only one he saw there. The soldier gets the hint.
- The Hire. In "Ticker" a country's military leader tries to stop a mysterious suitcase containing a heart transplant from getting to his dying president. When the suitcase gets there regardless, there's a shoving match between his Elite Mooks and the president's security detail, which ends when one of the latter says, "You were not here. This never happened. Tell your men to stand down."
- Skipper from the Madagascar series with his Catch Phrase: "You didn't see anything."
- Of course, The Simpsons spoofed it. In one episode, Lisa somehow ends up right outside Area 51a. A map next to an information kiosk has a dot on it labeled "You are here. We are not."
- In another episode, Lisa has to babysit Bart, who makes her life a living hell by calling up random services. Lisa opens the door to find a military man who asks to see Lisa Simpson, who was reported to have seen a UFO. Lisa screams that she didn't see a UFO. The military man leans in threateningly and says, "That's right, you didn't." He then waves off a doctor with a syringe and leaves.
- The possum from "Podunk Possum", from the What A Cartoon series, absolutely did not see any mysterious UFOs this evening, especially after being confronted with the MIBs' very shiny badge.