- When Jack Black hosted, he played a monster that a local village would sacrifice a virgin to in hopes of appeasing him. When a knight (played by Jimmy Fallon) comes to save the girl, the monster says he'll give the virgin back if they bring him back a slutty girl this time. Turns out he'd just wanted to get laid this entire time and sending virgin girls just made it awkward for everybody.Knight: Wait, is that why you let last year's sacrifice go? Because she was a virgin?Monster: "No! She was thirteen! I'm a monster, but that's SICK!"
- Celebrity Jeopardy!. All of it.
Connery: "I spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover. Failing to do so has been my greatest regret."Trebek: "You have lead a horrifying life."
- Everything Sean Connery says in the Celebrity Jeopardy! sketches. "I'll take Anal Bum Cover for 7,000."
Connery: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck...I can't remember how it ends but your mother's a whore.
- There's plenty of times during these skits where you wonder how anyone managed to keep a straight face. The banter between Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek and Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery is the stuff of legends. The skit from Norm MacDonald's hosting gig also brings back Norm's hilarious take on Burt Reynolds (who insists on being called "Turd Ferguson" and dons a big foam cowboy hat, which is "funny 'cause it's bigger than a normal hat") and opens with a Noodle Incident:Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy!. Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I'd like to ask our contestants, once again, please refrain from using ethnic slurs. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new Jeopardy record with -$230,000.
Connery: You think you're pretty smart, don't ya, Trebek? What with your dago mustache and your greasy hair!
Trebek: Look, what did I just say about ethnic slurs?!
- "You're not selling penis mightiers? You're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!"
- Sean's riddle for Trebek:
Connery: There once was a man named Trebek. Who had the world's tiniest-Trebek: Enough.
- The 40th Anniversary sketch starts going completely off the rails, starting with Turd Ferguson arriving, apparently having "driven" his customized podium (he claims he was late because he had to pick it up from the garage). From there, celebrities start randomly replacing one another, with Alec Baldwin's Tony Bennett suddenly replaced by Jim Carrey as Matthew McConaughey, who apparently recorded his own voiceover for it, referencing his recent Lincoln car ads.
Trebek: "Oh dear God, no. No, no, no, no, no, oh dear God no. I'm very sorry, we filmed that in June".Connery: (laughing) "That was BAD, Trebek!"Trebek: "Yes, it was".
- Also there's a Video Daily Double filmed by Bill Cosby. Trebek immediately orders it off the air, seeing how it was "filmed six months ago" and shit with Cosby had gone considerably south for him since then.
- The special Rock n' Roll Edition of Celebrity Jeopardy has its fair share of humourous moments:
- Despite not being a musician, Sean Connery is a contestant. He explains that he had released an album of "dirty limericks" just so he'd be eligible:
Trebek: Incorrect.Boyd Tinsley: *whispers*Bjork: Sometimes...I think of my thoughts...and they make me laugh!
- During one question, Dave Matthews answers by singing "Ants Marching," which gets him a buzzer.
- The real Alex Trebek's appearance at the end.
Trebek: And the answer is "You normally drink water from this."Connery: A leather glove.Trebek: Incorrect.Minnie Driver: A toilet.Trebek: ...That is awful.
- From the May 9th, 1998 episode:
Connery: Knock knock.
- Connery's Knock Knock joke:
Trebek: (aside glance, then answers Connery) Who's there?
Connery: Me, the guy who slept with your mother last night.
Connery: (in response to Robin Williams' antics) "Boy, you might be legally retarded".Trebek: "You have a point".Connery: (in response to Anne Heche's equally loopy behavior) "She's a nutjob, Trebek."Trebek: "Tell me about it."Connery: "She's nuttier than a pecan log."(he and Trebek crack up)
- There's also the handful of moments where Connery and Trebek agree:
- "Jizz in my pants!"
- Will Ferrell as the ultimate Bad Boss "Mr. Tarkanian" who goes from calmly interviewing a nebbish job applicant (Pierce Brosnan) to enraged, screaming and abusing his employees:(to male employee played by Chris Kattan): "You do NOT hand in CRAP like THIS!! This looks like you took a CRAP or a DUMP in the PRINTER!! You are SCUM!! I should FIRE you and BURN down your FRIGGIN' HOUSE!! I am THIS close to RAPING YOU!!"
- A parody of The Scarlet Letter where a 17th century Puritan town led by the reverend (Chris Parnell) prepare to shun Hester Prynne(Ana Gasteyer) and make her wear a scarlet letter "A" for adultery. Then a woman(Lara Flynn Boyle) from exiled from another town arrives. She removes her cloak to reveal a scarlet "BJ"(for Blow Job) and suddenly the men all welcome her openly!BJ: I am so grateful for your kindness. But I must be honest. I am no mere traveler. I have been shunned.Reverend: What? Shunned? I mean, do people do that anymore?Hester Prynne: Ahem! Hellooo?!
- The very first Debbie Downer sketch is so funny, even the entire cast in the sketch starts cracking up.
- D* ck in the Box. 'Nuff said.
- Natalie Portman
- She does a Take That! on her squeaky clean image by dropping a Cluster F-Bomb in a hilarious rap number.
- The art dealers Nuni and Nuni Schoener receive a visit from their daughter, Nuni (Portman), and her new boyfriend, Jeff. Unfortunately, the parents have as much trouble pronouncing his name, as they did the ordinary-sounding names of people who visited them before. The daughter Nuni orders "Motha" and "Dadu" to stop embarrassing her, and "corrects" them by botching Jeff's name herself. She even spells it out for them, albeit in letters apparently known only to the Schoeners. "Motha" and "Dadu" claim to understand now, but they and their daughter continue to mispronounce Jeff's name, in various other ways.
- An early 2001 sketch based on the Real Life captured US spy plane and it's crew held prisoner by the Chinese. Among the Americans a tough, grizzled old Sergeant Rock type from the Marines played by Alec Baldwin who tries to get the others to join him in a dangerous escape attempt but the other soldiers are just noncombat techies who just want to stay put and wait for the US government to negotiate their release. The Marine's Rousing Speech to them is hilarious:Oh, I get the picture. I know how you all feel. [ patriotic music plays over him ] War was a rough business. Women and college boys need not apply! When we signed on for this gig, we knew it wasn't gonna be a cakewalk! We also knew we were signing up on the winning team - OUR TEAM!! Now, I don't pretend to know who these Chinese people are - I know they're small, maybe 1 or 2 feet high! I know they sound funny when they talk, I know the womenfolk have sideways vaginas! But underneath their scales, they're just like you and me. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I can't take on a billion of them..Another soldier: Yeah you can't.
- The Take That, Us (or call to arms to continue to be funny despite troubling times, whichever) which opened the first show back after 9/11:Lorne Michaels: Can we be funny?
Rudy Guliani: Why start now?
- Will Ferrell, in another post-9/11 skit, plays a guy going along with his company's policy of wearing patriotic articles. He comes in wearing a belly shirt with the American flag and a star-spangled thong.
- "The Barry Gibb Talk Show" skits with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake as brothers Barry and Robin Gibb of The Bee Gees who host a roundtable political discussion show. The highlight of each is Barry flying into a rage at his guests over the littlest thing, shouting "I AM BARRY EFFING GIBB!"
- Along with Justin Timberlake visibly struggling not to crack up (he's usually quite unflappable) at his antics.
- Anything that comes out of Will Forte's mouth as Zell Miller in the Hardball sketches. PISTOLS AT DAAAAWN, MATTHEWS!
- Not to mention the way he's able to turn his face red, even borderline purple, on live television.
- Will Ferrell as George W. Bush explaining the conditions under which China would return a U.S. spy plane. These include a guarantee that America would get all their top-secret documents back; the Chinese would have photocopies. China also agreed not to share those photocopies with other nations; however, photocopies of photocopies are still allowed...provided they are readable. "I fought hard for that one."
- The first George W. Bush/ Al Gore debate, where Will Ferrell cements his Bush character by summing up his presidential plan in one word "Strategery".
- Any time Bill Hader shows up as Stefon on Weekend Update. Seth Meyers, Hader (despite his best efforts to hide it and not be like Jimmy Fallon note — the most recent time on the second time Jonah Hill hosted, he actually kept it together until he had to describe what a "human Roomba" was), and the entire audience begins cracking up. For good reason.
- The latest Stefon segment from the Jonah Hill episode where he gives Seth Meyers a St. Patrick's Day pin with the words, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" on it — which Stefon takes as an invitation. Bonus points for Stefon pretending to jack off Seth Meyers and the revelation that Stefon kept that "Kiss Me I'm Irish" button all year just to pull that trick on him.
- Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond on VH1 Storytellers:"Here's a song I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection! (sings): Forever in blue jeans..."
- The entire "Brain Busters" sketch on the season 28 episode hosted by Bernie Mac. Especially the ending.
- Justin Timberlake singing "Rainbow Connection" with Kermit the Frog, only to get into a fight with Kermit's puppeteer.note Kermit: Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the douchebag, and me.
- After Diana Ross got jailed for drunk driving in early 2004, Weekend Update had Tina Fey do some entertaining interviews with the "soul diva" (played by Maya Rudolph):
- In the first, Miss Ross - or "Inmate #54899-B", as she claims to be called in jail - laments from inside her cell that jail is not like several of her career's highlights, or even a spa - although she does note that her burly and mustoiched bunkmate Roberta (played by Finesse Mitchell) bears a surprisingly strong resemblance to her Mahogany co-star Billy Dee Williams.
- In the second, Diana Ross counteracts news of her 48-hour sentence remaining incomplete by insisting to "Tina-na-naa" that she spent all that time in the vicinity of the jail, until she confesses leaving a few times. When Tina asks Diana Ross how much time she actually spent at the jail, Ross admits, "About 45 minutes. But it felt like an hour! Ooh, cut me some slack, Teeny-tootsie-tiny-Tina!"
- The skit with The Rock as Superman. The idea that the entire staff of The Daily Planet already knows Clark is Superman and just plays along to screw with him is hilariousJimmy Olsen: Uh, y— Hey, yeah and it's also weird that that guy, uh, Superman is a full-on, out-of-the-closet homosexual.
Clark Kent: Well, that's what they say— Oh, wha—? What? Huh? Wa - wait a minute. [chuckles] Superman isn't gay!
Lois: Oh, sure he is.
Jimmy: Real gay.
Clark: No, no. Now, wait. I always heard he was pretty manly.
Perry White: Oh, ho ho! No way! You get Superman in a truck stop men's room, you won't need kryptonite to bring him to his knees!
Clark: Hey, hey, hey! Come on! Really! Superman isn't gay! Sure, he experimented a little back in Smallville ...
[Lois, Jimmy and Perry try to suppress their laughter.]
Jimmy Olsen: [to Lois and Perry] I was just makin' that up, I swear!
- Also from an episode hosted by The Rock (from season 34), the sketch where two hula-dancing brothers from Hawaii (played by The Rock and Fred Armisen) keep insulting the tourists by bashing Hawaii and the cliched idea of taking a Hawaiian vacation. It was pretty funny, despite that the state of Hawaii actually protested against it a week after the sketch aired.
- The 2005 sketch set in Santa's workshop where Alec Baldwin appears as "Winter's Breath", an "elf from the home office" and recreates his famous "The Reason You Suck" Speech from Glengarry Glen Ross almost word for word to a group of elves to motivate them to work faster building toys for Christmas.Winter's Breath: You got tools. Santa paid good money for those tools. You can't build with the tools you have? You can't build garbage? You ARE garbage, hit the bricks, pal, and beat it, 'cause you are going out!
- Not to mention the point where Alec Baldwin slips up and say "Always be closing", rather than "cobbling". The audience cracks up, and for a split second, so does the usually unflappable Baldwin.
- Kanye West walking out of his dressing room to do his musical performance. . .and running smack dab into none other than Mike Myers, a few weeks after West's and Myers' appearance on a telethon during which the former harshly criticized then-President Bush for the administration's poor handling of Hurricane Katrina. To say Myers looked like a deer caught in headlights—much as he did the night of the telethon—is an understatement. Hilarious in Hindsight, coincidentally in 1994 Meyers was in a sketch featuring Heather Locklear as host of an infomercial about a kitchen appliance. During the pitch Locklear would say racist remarks and the phones in the back would suddenly light up with angry phone calls. Myers' horrified reaction every time Locklear would make a slur looked exactly like his reaction to Kanye making his remarks about President Bush!
- The Digital Short "Dear Sister" featuring Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig and host Shia Le Beouf in an Overly Long Gag featuring various tropes like Surprisingly Sudden Death, Death Is Dramatic, Dies Wide Open, Killed Mid-Sentence, Slow-Motion Fall and Foreseeing My Death. Based on a scene from The O.C. where Marissa shoots Trey and it even uses the same song "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap.
- Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. Just... always whenever Tina Fey shows up to parody Sarah Palin. Fey's impression of Palin is so note-perfect people can't tell the difference.
- The 2008 Most Haunted spoof with Hugh Laurie as Derek Acorah... which can be seen here. There are fart gags... and there are fart gags.
- Al Gore hosting the 2002 Christmas episode, playing embattled Senator Trent Lott note during a Hardball skit, continuing a long-running tradition of politicians not only proving that they're skilled comedians, but that they have the ability to poke fun at themselves and their colleagues:Senator Lott: "I meant no disrespect to any white people. I myself am a white man. Most, if not all of my friends are white. And as long as I'm in office, no white person will be left behind!"Chris Matthews: I'm glad you're shedding some light on the situation, Senator. Unfortunately, it's coming from a cross you just set on fire!"
Funny / Saturday Night Live 2000