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The Neverending Story
- Before even starting the review proper, the Dom hears the song from the movie and can't help but break out in enthusiastic dancing.
- "While the second film made some token effort to include references to the book, they still changed it so much it bears only a passing resemblance to it, and the third film went so completely off the rails I can only assume the writers were smoking a neverending doobie while they worked."
- His impression of how the book might have read if the third movie had been a faithful adaptation.The Dom (as Michael Ende): (in German, English subtitles) "Meanwhile, Jack Black was being a massive asshole and tearing up the library and shit, which made fireballs fly at a... Jewish tree..."
- "[Atreyu] teams up with a luckdragon named Falcor, who replaces Artax after he TRAUMATIZES OUR CHILDHOODS..."
- "Hang on a second, I'm just adding 'find reason to yell "To the winch, wench!" at someone' to my bucket list."
- How book Fantastica's geography being based on where someone truly wants to go could play out in the real world."No, baby, I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with your mother. Yes, I do know she's really into cross-stitching now. I should be there soon, I've been walking for about an hour..." (looks up, finds himself at a club called "The Manhole") "...Huh." (tosses phone and heads in)
- The Dom starts off being eaten by a T-rex and has to do the review inside its digestive tract. "I've, uh, just got to figure out how to set up a green screen in here now..."
- His Motor Mouth summation of the plot of both film and book.
- He is very surprised to learn that book!Dr. Grant liked children.The Dom: Spielberg and his boys looked at a story about the dangers of unsupervised runaway science, and a thriller about a long-gone force of nature so powerful it was laughably beyond human ability to control it and thought, "Hmm...it's good but it needs a subplot about a man who doesn't like children having to look after some. Yeah. That's what was missing. (falsetto) Naaailed iiit."
- Imagining the awkwardness assuming that film Donald Gennaro had a young daughter with an upcoming birthday as did his book counterpart.Daughter: Uncle The Dom, when's daddy coming come?
The Dom: Oh, he's not sweetie. He got eaten by a dinosaur. It was...quite funny. - A blooper at the end:The Dom: The film definitely took certain liberties with the characters, villainizing some and hero- heroricizing...heroicicizing. I've invented a word, it is mine, you can't use it.
- The Dom makes his opinion of the movie abundantly clear right out of the gate:Trailer narration: But did we design them...to be trusted?
The Dom: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! Yes! The answer is yes! To the question you just asked, yes, they are, trusted! Very much so! Infallibly! ...Yes! (groan) - It takes a few seconds before he can come up with anything for the "What they didn't change" section, and even then the section ends up being pitifully short.
- Having quite liked the book after reading it for the review, he mentions feeling some trepidation at the warnings people had given him regarding the film.The Dom: Some of the warnings were so extreme, I ended up approaching my TV that day feeling somewhat like a condemned prisoner being led to the gallows. But now that I've seen it, I've gotta say you guys, to be completely fair to the film, you really...didn't warn me ENOUGH.
- Learning the hard way that his viewers would in fact like him to talk about the behind-the-scenes reasons behind adaptations turning out as they did. "The hard way" being receiving a piece of fan mail with "STARSHIP TROOPERS WAS SATIRE YOU IDIOT" written in blood.
- "The Guild is an unknowable, looming presence that's accepted as a part of life, but shrouded in the depths of mystery, giving them a very much alien undercurrent, and WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK IS THAT THING?!"
- "Now, the Baron Harkonnen has a WWHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIS FAAAAACE?!"
- Likening the film version of Baron Harkonnen floating around with his anti-gravity machines to "a weird H. P. Lovecraft reimagining of Peter Pan".
- "...Why was Sting...just steam-cooking himself...wearing futuristic speedos? (beat) Would you excuse me for just one moment, beautiful watchers? Thank you so much." ("Ave Maria" plays, he proceeds to drain an entire bottle in one go)
- "I would very much...(burp) like to not do that again... (burp) because that was the third take...and I have just drank three cartons of apple juice...and now I'm gonna go be very sick, excuse me."
- "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to stick spice up my nose to see if it gives me super powers."
- Bringing up his deep childhood fear of the Wicked Witch. "If my mum and dad are watching this, they've just learned the reason I kept a bucket of water by my bed for almost a decade."
- The skit acting out the Tin Woodsman's book backstory.
- The flying monkeys, upon dropping Dorothy off with the Witch in the book, given that they were not her slaves as in the film: "Well...see ya, bitch. Take care and go fuck yourself!"
- "I may be paraphrasing a little bit..."
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
- "Percy, I'm just borrowing your pen for a second..." *click* *SHNNNK*
- "Hey, remember when I said the book was clever enough to not get Hades and Satan mixed up?" (clip of movie!Hades from the campfire scene) "...Hoo boy."
- Following up a dramatic reading of the book's description of Hades with a few clips of the movie version being slightly...less impressive.
- Which leads to the first use of the Calm Intellectual Filter.
- "Mr. Titley [who wrote the screenplay], I'm sure you're a very pleasant person, but I rather think you are ill-suited for your current profession." Said as The Dom is very violently and suggestively Flipping the Bird at the screen.
- "That's why this film sucked, and that's why it can kiss-" (Filter activates) "-its reputation goodbye. ...Reginald, I didn't ask you to switch the Calm Intellectual Filter back on, so please disengage it...Reginald, while I respect your choice to ignore my request, considering my current state of agitation, there's a small chance this situation may lead to violence."
- "Hang on a second... Soppy love declarations? Clumsy metaphors involving sand?"
- The little skit that accompanies the description of book!Buttercup's nightmares growing progressively darker than the one in the film.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
- ♪Come with me/and you'll see/a whole new world of minor movie changes/I can't sing/but you get the point...♪
- "Just look at the way [Wonka] responds to direct questions in some weird and clearly made-up gobbledygook language." (clip of Wonka speaking French) "Utter nonsense, I say!"
- "Grandpa Joe is actually meant to be ninety-six, but, come on. Try and find an actor that old. ...Oh, uh, I guess Christopher Lee. Heh, that's ironic."
- "Kid, he's giving away free samples, just go inside."
- "There isn't a cream-blasting Wonkamobile in the book. I'm beginning to suspect Mel Stuart had a few issues of his own to work through."
- "What? What? You thought just because I used long words that I wasn't a horrific pervert? You don't know me!"
- Criticizing Mel Stuart for having Charlie's father be dead in the film. "This isn't a Disney film, you're allowed to have two loving parents!"
- Willy Wonka review: Wishes that the film had kept in the story about the Indian prince and the palace made of chocolate, as he felt it was funny. Charlie review: Feels that the story about the Indian prince and the palace of chocolate should have been cut, due to being stupid and possibly racist.
- "Wow, I was expecting Burton to take a dump all over the original story, but he's actually stuck to it really well! [...] And so far there hasn't been any...wait. What's happening? Burton, what are you doing? Burton, no, what are you doing?! NOOOOOOOO what is this silliness?"
- The Dom's sound-effects describing the differences between the machines in the Stuart movie versus the Burton one.
- Thinking the film maybe should have updated Mike Teevee's name to better reflect his changed character flaw. "Something like...Mike...Firstpersonshooteree? ...Shut up, I'm hilarious."
- The Oompa-Loompa song about Burton's additions to the story. Sung by a chorus of miniature versions of The Dom.
- ♪Oompa Loompa, doopity-doo/Burton's working through his daddy issues/He doesn't care if he screws up the plot/He'll do it his way whether you like it or not♪
- "...You guys saw that too, right?"
- "Hey wait, that tune was from the other movie, you idiots!"
- ♪Oompa Loompa, doopity-doo/I've got a gun, and it's pointing at you/Give us your cash and no one gets hurt/Or it's oompa-loompa bang-bang and diiiirt!♪
- "Well, as, uh, muggings go, that was somewhat more musical than I'm used to."
- "Wendy! Stop. Hogging. The bathroom!"
- Representing how Tony was revealed in the book to appear as an older version of Danny by photoshopping a beard (specifically, the one that the actor who played Danny is currently sporting) onto film!Danny's face.
- The studio meeting with Stephen King.Executive: Well, we're all really looking forward to working on the film with you. I do have to talk to you first though about the little mistake you made in the book.
King: ...Mistake?
Executive: Yeah, in chapter fifty-three, you accidentally wrote that the black guy doesn't die.
King: Who, Halloran? Yeah, he fights his way to hotel, rescues the wife and kid and becomes a surrogate father to Danny from then on!
Executive: Yeah, but...Steve, you...wrote that the black guy doesn't die.
King: ...So?
Executive: ...You know what? Don't worry about it, uh, we'll fix it for ya. - Photos of The Dom's face being used to cover the naked zombie lady.Executive: Great story, Steve, just great, but I can't help but feel it lacks a certain sexy edge, you know, like a beautiful woman showering naked or something.
King: Well...there's the scene where there's the naked old lady decomposing in the bathtub. But there's no way you could make that sexy, right?
Executive: (thoughtful grin)
King: R...right? - The Dom's attempt to trigger the Take Over the World gag, which falls flat. "I guess you have to earn it."
- "Oh, oh! You want a storyboard? Here's your fucking storyboard, bitch!"
- "Please stop that, Mr. Snyder."
- The Nostalgia Critic's cameo.The Dom: Would an owl credit card bother you?
Critic: ...The fuck you talking about?
The Dom: Nothing, kthnx bye! (hangs up)
(beat)
The Dom: ...I should not have hung up on him.
Critic: (looks at his phone a second, then puts it away and returns to what he was doing) Last time I do a cameo for him. - The fire rescue scene in the film as opposed to the graphic novel. "EXPLOSIONS!!! WHOOOOO!!! JUMPING!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I WILL EXTINGUISH YOUR FIRE WITH BULLETS!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"
- In the middle of the "what they changed" section where he's been largely focusing on nitpicks, he gets a text: "Dear The Dom: Stop stalling. Sincerely, The Internet."
- "Well...it's a lovely day. I guess there's worse times to go. Let's discuss the ending."
- "Now usually I'd be a bit nervous about promoting just one side of a controversial subject, but seeing as I'm pretty sure I've just killed anyone with a conflicting opinion..."
- "Maybe this doesn't have to be a "who shot first" situation incidentally it was totally Han."
- "I should, uh, probably apologize to everyone who just died because I didn't figure this out a few minutes sooner. That was my bad."
- In part 2, when pointing out the changes made to film!Ozymandias's costume, the camera lingers on one particular feature that might be familiar to viewers of another movie. "Let's just say if I hadn't already annoyed the Critic the other week..."
A Series of Unfortunate Events
- Upon reading the book's introduction - in particular, the part about "[...]there is nothing stopping you from putting the book down at once and going and doing something more fun":The Dom: ...Sounds fair. (tosses book, walks away whistling)
- This is followed by The Dom wandering around and inserting himself into various movies, but continually running into the book and freaking out before trying to flee it as it chases him down. Some highlights:
- "Rather than bring a gun like I originally intended, apparently I've brought a baguette."
- Playing a flame-throwing ukulele while in Mad Max: Fury Road.
- Dancing to "Hooked on a Feeling" while in a lineup with the Guardians of the Galaxy.
- Casually playing Pokemon in the desert before being startled by Finn popping up.
- "NO! NO! You said it was okay not to read you! I'm not doing it!"
- "Fine! I will do the fucking episode! You lied to me, Snicket!"
- Paramount's guide to book adaptations.
- How it should have ended: "Oh, hello there, you must be the Baudelaires. I'm from social services."
- Soon after Count Olaf arrived and was shot on sight, Mr. Po was arrested for criminal negligence, and the Baudelaire orphans were taken to an appropriate foster home. The End.
- The first thirty seconds of the video, as The Dom babbles nervously about how unnecessary it would be to talk about the book, and suggesting other things he could talk about instead, as there are "definitely no heartbreaking plot twists" to discuss, all while a timer in the upper corner is counting down to "The Dom blurts out a major plot twist from the book in..."
- In addition to the usual categories of "People asked", "Saw the film", and "Read the book", this episode necessitated "Surprised to hear there WAS a book".
- The Dom attempts to trigger the "take over the world" gag again. "It was Tuesday."
- (long beat) "I'm gonna keep working on that."
- "Yeah, you hear that, vegetarians? You eventually won. But at what cost??"
- "If something ever gets invented that looks human and feels human and can be built to order OF COURSE people are gonna want to have sex with it!"
- The film sexualizing two female android characters in ways that they weren't in the book leads The Dom to muse that "there seems to be an almost Michael Bay-level of unnecessary sexualization going on here." Comparing Ridley Scott to Michael Bay immediately ushers in the Apocalypse.
- The Dom's expressions showcasing the options of the mood organ device.
- "After he's finished retiring all the andies, Deckard drives out into the nearby wasteland and decides that he's Jesus." ( Record Scratch )
- The Dom dressing as a vampire and laughing like The Count.
- "It was directed by a bloke called Francis Ford Coppola, who did some little independent films you've probably never heard of."
- "No, Keanu! Bad! That's not what we sound like! Stop it!"
- The skit comparing the book and film versions of Van Helsing.Seward: Oh professor, I believe my sweet Lucy is dying.
Book!Helsing: Friend John, I promise I will do everything in my power to save your Mina!
Film!Helsing: Yes, sucks to be you. But hey, we get to fight a vampire now! That's cool isn't it? - Similar to the gag in the Neverending Story review, transcribing some film-added scenes into book form:The Dom: "And then Lucy and Mina ran around in the rain giggling, while their dresses got all wet and see-through. And then they totally started making out and stuff." [...] "Later on, Lucy dressed up like a slutty Red Riding Hood and had sex with a furry." Uh, however, the word "furry" is crossed out to be replaced with the word "wolf-man".
Audience member: Good lord, I thought this was supposed to be about a vampire!
The Dom: Well now it's a weird porno, okay?!
- Listing all of the drinks Bond has (four double bourbons on the rocks, a vodka martini, and a pint of champagne in the first two chapters alone) before concluding that Archer isn't a Bond parody but rather the truest adaptation of all.
- The skit where the Dom points out the flaws in Bond's signature martini preparation style.
- "[...]In the next film, he's going to be drinking Heineken, because these days Bond is a spy second and an advertising prostitute first."
- Slapping "Pointless" stamps on film changes to Goldfinger's plans, eventually becoming a tad overwhelmed by all the stuff that makes no sense and needing to take a break.
- "FYI, in the book Felix has a hook hand. Because...yarrrr."
- "Every single movie in the universe could be greatly improved by having an old lady with a Thompson! Even in the unlikely event that it already has one. They can have two, why not?"
- Consulting a "Ways villains might kill you" chart to confirm that a laser is in fact cooler than the buzzsaw/grinder in the book.
- From least to most awesome, the chart lists: gun, buzzsaw/grinder, shark tank, rancor, laser, laser rancor.
- The skit of Bond trying to be suave after beating a man to death. The Sean Connery accent sells it.
- The Dom delivering a painful kneecap-shot to another version of himself trying to convince him to be less "bah humbug" about Christmas.The Dom: Now would anyone else like to try and imbue me with some holiday spirit? No? Excellent.
- Out of the thirty people surveyed for the episode, none of them had read the book, and over half had to be convinced there was a book.
- The sequence of jokes about the lead character being somewhat older in the book than he was in the film. Including him throwing his back out in the gun-taped-to-the-back scene.
- Again tries to get the "take over the world" gag to work. "But of course." So close, and yet so far.The Dom: Damnit! Go home Bond, you're drunk!
