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From the David Letterman era:

From the Seth Meyers era:

  • Jokes Seth Can't Tell finds some of its best moments in Refuge in Audacity:
    • For example, this:
      Seth: A recent study found that African-American boys are less likely to get access to gifted programs than their white classmates.
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    • Shortly after, we have a story about the youngest African-American pilot to fly across the US.
      Amber: Aaaand he just got pulled over.
      (Beat as the audience groans)
      Seth: Bigger dicks, though.
    • And again:
      Seth: According to a recent trove of federal data, African-Americans are seeing a gain in life expectancy.
    • Jenny's part in the sketch is usually to do All Women Are Lustful:
      Seth: The TV drama Person of Interest came under fire recently for killing off one of the show's lesbian characters.
      Jenny: It's unclear who killed her, but a few suspects have been fingered. [roguish smirk]
    • Except when she's also in her role of Token Latina:
      Seth: One point five million people attended the 59th annual Puerto Rican Day Parade this weekend in the streets of New York.
      Jenny: So that's why your building was so quiet!
      Seth: Now, wait, Jenny, the problem here is, you can't tell that joke.
      Jenny: Yes I can, 'cause I'm Puerto Rican.
      Seth: Oh really? Because you don't...look...
      Jenny: [stares at him] I don't look what?
      Seth: W—...Amber, do you think—
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    • Amber: A black grad student is like a white grad student, except when he asks "Do you know who my father is?!", he's actually asking.
    • Seth: A 7 year old girl is currently on a mission to hug a police officer in all 50 states!
      Amber: So yeah, she's white.
    • Seth: A microbiologist found that men's beards contain bacteria similar to those found in feral matter.
      Jenny: Even worse, they contain men!
      Seth: Hey! That joke offends me!
      Jenny: Why? You never had a beard!
      Seth: Neither have you!
      Jenny: Yes I have, I took him to prom and his name was Mike.
  • January 14, 2016: Seth had recently recaptured Mexican drug kingpin Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman de la Loera appear on the show portrayed by Horatio Sanz.
    • When El Chapo enters the show, he's seen warily looking around.
    • El Chapo also describes a conversation he had with his lawyer about Sean Penn's interview, and the two went at it in a back and forth over what movies Penn had been in - El Chapo has never seen any of his movies, and Penn hasn't been in any of Chapo's favorite movies.
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    • El Chapo explains his meeting with Penn was to discuss making The El Chapo Movie, an animated kids movie about his life, in which he plays a bunny named "El Hopo". The character has long, floppy ears, a cute tail, and a drug empire. Seth insists that it doesn't sound like a kid's movie, and El Chapo compares it to Inside Out, in that while Riley had to find her joy, El Hopo has to find his rival, a dog named Pablo Escobar, and that El Hopo would shoot him in the head. When Seth continues to insist that it's not a kid-friendly movie, El Chapo quickly shuts him down, and says it is because he says it is.
    • When Seth asks El Chapo if he should be in prison right now, El Chapo giggles profusely and says "Oops! My bad, man!" Then la policia show up, and ask if Seth has seen El Chapo anywhere. Cut to El Chapo hiding his head under a lamp, and the cops fall for it. They then demand that if Seth sees El Chapo, that he tell him to come back to jail. It's like asking a rowdy teenager to come back home after going out with friends, only with a drug lord.
  • One segment of "Ya Burnt" featured then-presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders, retitled as "Ya Bernt". One of his gags was describing income inequality, and then saying it made less sense than the plot of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Even better is that Bernie is clearly not a comedian or an actor, so he's a bit wooden, but it arguably makes it even funnier.
  • Following the 2016 election, disgraced New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has become one of the main Butt Monkeys of the show, especially during "A Closer Look".
    • Seth Meyers brings up that time when Christie shut down access to a major bridge in his state just to get back at people who voted against him: "Say what you will about Hillary's emails, at least she didn't stop ambulances in traffic, you cartoon gangster!"
    • When Seth brought up how Trump claimed that the culprit behind the DNC hacking could've been some 400 pound man sitting on his bed in New Jersey, Seth questioned if Trump was trying to frame Chris Christie for the attack.
    • Seth discusses the travel ban and mentions that someone immediately came running like a lapdog to defend Trump. Cut to Chris Christie giving an interview defending Trump. Seth declares that Christie must learn that the bridge to Trump's heart is closed, as a picture of Christie holding a sign that says "You deserve better Donald" in a parody of Love Actually.
    • When Trump joked about destroying a Texas lawyer's career for opposing him, Seth said that the perfect way to destroy someone's career is having them stand behind you as you give a speech.
    • On the topic of the odd bathrobe mix-up (in which a report stated that Trump spent his free time exploring the White House in a bathrobe, only for press secretary Sean Spicer to reject the report on the basis Trump doesn't own a bathrobe), Seth says a collector sent a photo of a younger Trump in a bathrobe to CNN. Seth wonders who's collecting pictures of Trump in a bathrobe... only for a picture of Chris Christie to be displayed.
  • Seths response to Kellyanne Conway comment on how Donald Trump "doesn't tweet about everything"
  • Seth bringing up Donald Trump's McDonald's commercial where he's seen interviewing Grimace.
  • Seth on Trump's superficial attempt to warn children on drugs
    Seth: I will rain hellfire on my enemies until no man but me is left standing on the burning heap of what was once civilisation. Also, say no to drugs, kids.
  • When the hosts of Fox and Friends flippantly laugh off the seriousness of Trump being reported as trying to fire Robert Mueller, Seth flat out says he expects them to praise Trump for "solving jaywalking" in the event that he shoots a random man in the street.
  • Meyers' hilarious—and let's face it, dead-on accurate—parodies of the numerous tropes consistently found in movies set in Boston, movies meant as Oscar Bait, and movies about journalism.
  • 8 December 2016:
    • Seth's comment on Trump hiring a new combative lawyer who is shown to be wearing a scowl and a mustache.
      Seth: Look at this guy. It's like Trump tried to out-police the police by hiring his own Sipowicz.
    • Seth makes a point that when Trump is told not to do something stupid, like calling Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on the election (a note was written to him saying "DO NOT CONGRATULATE") in capital letters, he sees it as a challenge, not a warning.
      Seth (as Trump): I can go even stupider than that. Let's replace the Statue of Liberty... with Bob's Big Boy.
    • Seth noticing Chris Christie's heavy tan while being interviewed by CNN.
      Seth: What's up with casual Chris Christie? Guy's out of office and he looks like he just closed down another beach.
  • Seth's amusement over the "talking stick" disaster in Senator Collins' bipartisan meetings about immigration.
    Seth: The people we're trusting with immigration can't be trusted with a stick!
  • Seth's confusion over Trump's mention of "flamingo dancers" (he meant "flamenco")
  • Seth quipping that if he ever wants to see Steve Mnuchin, he just has to go to the aquarium where Mnuchin spends his days suctioned to the inside of the glass. And if people ever want to see KellyAnne Conway, they just have to set up a camera, say they're from CNN and she'll materialize like the shadow demon from Game of Thrones.
  • Seth's remark that Rudi Giuliani looks like he sat on his own balls in every interview. "Remember, Rudy: swing forward, then sit!"
  • Seth's comparing the GOP to The Mafia leads to some rather colorful descriptions:
    "You guys are the ones that run the government like a protection racket; Republicans all look like they should be cracking their knuckles in a butcher shop, telling the owner, “Nice place you got here. Would be a Shame If Something Happened to it.” If you took any photo of Trump’s aides and added Clemenza from The Godfather, no one would notice."
    "So, Trump says a Congressman who body slammed a reporter is his kind of guy, and let’s not forget, Trump also told his supporters to knock the crap out of protesters and promised to pay their legal fees if they did. He’s an actual crime boss! I mean, look at him! He sweats like he’s being dangled off the side of a roof by Batman! Trump is the classic fake-tough-guy from Queens; if he weren’t President, he’d be the guy sitting on a park bench in Flushing Meadows, saying 'Who are you looking at?' to the squirrels."
  • When Trump defends his friendship with the Saudi Arabian government by saying he can't just turn down the money they offer him, Seth comes to a realization:
  • Amber's cheerful song asking people to vote in the 2018 threatening to kill an adorable little kitten if they don't.
  • Amber Ruffin, inspired by Green Book, makes her own trailer, "White Savior". Starring a black woman who is simultaneously a world-renowned scientist, cellist, and activist and a guy who was white while she did it, and mercilessly parodying Oscar Bait films about racism and how awkward they would be in real life.
  • March 19:
  • Seth's impression of Jeannine Pirro may not sound like the woman herself, but he manages to perfectly capture the spirit and style of her rants, creating an oddly accurate imitation that's also hilarious to listen to, especially if he uses his impression to say something absurd.
    Seth imitating Pirro: WHEN I ORDER MY EGGROLLS...
  • 15 June 2017: During a Senate meeting, Senator Claire Mc Caskill tries to find out if the GOP were having any hearings on healthcare, and Orrin Hatch forgets that Democrats had been invited to take part in the debate, so a young female aide had to remind him.
    Seth: Aw man, that was like telling Grandpa who someone is! "This is Kevin, Joe and Mary's son" (elderly voice) "Oh. Hello..."
  • 17 January 2018: Seth reacts to reports saying Trump is ping-ponging back and forth.
    Seth: I don't even think he has the mental capacity for ping-pong. I think his brain is just a game of Pong. (Image is shown of Trump's head with a game of Pong in the middle)
    Trump voiceover: Huge. China. Golf. Huge.
  • 1 April 2019: Seth reacts to Trump saying "Weend!"
    Seth: If there's one thing we've learned about Trump's presidency so far, it's that he loves doing random sound effects.
    Trump: (in clips) Weend! — Shoom! — Buh-uh-uh... bink!
    Seth: That's the whole presidency right there. He lies about funding for the Special Olympics and tries to take away his voters' healthcare, but they love his sound effects. We're living through the Police Academy presidency.
    [clip of Larvell making gunfire noises]
  • 24 February 2020
  • Lately, it's become something of a Running Gag for Seth to compile Donald Trump's more bizarre proclamations together and compare them to something out of a crappy sci-fi script or an amateur YA novel:
    "Open on Moon Base Alpha, nestled in a forest city; insulin flows like water; the sky is filled with flying cars, which are expensive 'cuz they have computers all over the place."
    "The rivers are full of ballots. Mailmen have been indicted. Tiny dust particles are everywhere. Everyone is contagious except for me, your hero, the perfect physical specimen!"
  • Seth Meyers comments on the first COVID vaccine:
    Man, I never thought I'd be so happy to see someone get a shot. This must be what it felt like watching the Moon landing: it was a historic scientific achievement that you just know a bunch of idiot jabronis are gonna say was faked. "That wasn't real. Stanley Kubrick shot that." Stanley Kubrick is dead. "THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK!"
    • Seth brings up when Trump bragged about his running of the military, including cooperation he received from an "overrated" general.
      Trump hates people so much that, even when it would help him make his point, he undermines their credibility. "Yes, detective. I have an alibi for the night of the murder. Call Lying Eddie Exaggeration. This guy should be treated like a dog. So, so dishonest. Lying Eddie, he knows where I was last night."
  • Ahead of Trump's first CPAC speech as former President, Seth questions Lindsey Graham's claim that Trump will just stick to talking about policy before commenting on the Strictly Formula nature of Trump's rally speeches.
    First of all, you really expect us to believe his speech is gonna be policy-centric? His speeches weren't even policy-centric when he was President. I bet I can predict what it'll be: he'll spend a half an hour whining about getting cancelled, zing Cheney a few times, at some point he'll say a curse word and the crowd will go nuts like a bunch of fifth graders when the music teacher says the word "pianist" too fast, and he'll mention the Squad and everybody will boo. The whole thing is basically Rocky Horror Picture Show for wingnuts.


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