"That's messed up, Sarda."
— Black Mage, 8-Bit Theater
"Sweetie, when even I'm offended, you know you've gone too far.
— Paige Michalchuk, Degrassi, referring to her best friend Hazel's racism
"28 million dead?? Couldn't we just wound some of them?"
—Quark, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Business As Usual"
Senator Powell: (After haranguing Dragon about the violence and sexual content in his movies) You have a young daughter, named Georgia, who is about 10 years old. Has little Georgia seen your film entitled "Ripcord", which contains 357 acts of violence, 175 profanities, and 4 scenes of lesbian sex? She proud of her daddy for that one?! How can you look that sweet little girl in the eye?
Peter Dragon: I manage. I never voted to subsidize the growing of tobacco, while turning my back on food programs for starving kids. I've never vetoed a gun control bill. All my guns are fake, Senator! I've never rushed to the defense of Kuwaiti oil fields, while ignoring genocide in Africa, because big oil companies that line your fat pockets aren't concerned with black Africa. Those are all productions of your company Senator, this company right here!
"Stan, these people are monsters. You know what my country has done, and I'm disgusted."
Jake: "He's a prisoner of war. We don't kill prisoners."
Visser One: "No. Of course not. You merely blow up ground-based Yeerk pools and kill thousands. And then another seventeen thousand of our brothers here on this ship. Defenseless, harmless, unhosted Yeerks. Murdered. But you don't kill prisoners."
"Artemis Fowl did not like whalers. There were less objectionable ways to obtain oil by-products."
Saul: "Proper villains know offing is fine, rape is not."
Munsch: "We must have our moral standards or else we are no better than the rest of the rabble."
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
— Jesus, The Bible, Matthew 7:9-11 (New International Version)
"I should kill you right now! You're a goddamn embarrassment to this family, and you WILL apologize to Sando-san for this!"
— Yoshida to Chaka, Black Lagoon
"(after being asked if he wants to kill someone's dog) Jesus Christ, I'm not THAT evil!"
— The Motherfucker, Kick-Ass 2
"I am evil, but I am not cruel to animals. There's a special Hell reserved for those who are."
— The demon Azzie, Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming
"Even on Barrayar", he said mildly, "no human being can own another..."
"Wow...there's a level of pointless violence that offends even me when it's crossed. Live and learn, I guess..."
— Magus, Captain SNES
"Grandfather may be evil, which I admire, but he's also a jerk!"
"I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty."
— Cyrus the Virus, Con Air
"I am The God Of War. The God Of Slaughter. Even The God Of Murder. But I am NOT the god of sadism!"
"That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen, and I'm a Death God!"
— Ryuk, Death Note Abridged (Dogface701)
John Mclane: There never was a bomb [in a school], was there?
Simon Gruber: Of course not. I'm a soldier, not a monster... even though I sometimes work for monsters.
[One of the Dollhouse's clients is in a coma, and Topher has been charged with repairing his brain.]
DeWitt: Good news on the coma front?
Topher: Uuuhhhhhhh...yeah. Good news is that he's in a coma.
DeWitt: I beg your pardon?
Boyd: Just show her what you showed me.
Topher:' [shows DeWitt a brain scan] This is a brain. A healthy brain. Frankly, an...overly smart brain...it's my brain. And this is Terry Karrens' brain. [shows DeWitt another brain scan] See these dark areas? How they extend all the way out to here? You know why that looks like that? That's because Terry Karrens doesn't use that part of his brain. And that'd be where you find stored such things as empathy, compassion...an aversion to disemboweling puppies. Basically, this is what some of your more famous serial killers' brains look like.
DeWitt: You are quite certain of this?
Topher: Certain enough so that I have serious ethical problems with trying to wake him up.
Boyd: Topher has ethical problems... Topher!
Topher: Heh. Way to land it.
''They may have been super villains, but they had limits."
"You don't kill people you don't know! That's a rule!"
— Joe "Mental" Mentalino, Dumb and Dumber
"The other Princes don't like him that much. I mean, even Malacath is more popular at parties, and Malacathnote is not popular at parties."
— Sheogorath describing Jyggaleg, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
"And what really bothers me is [that] you pretend that you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it."
"I'm a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard."
— Seth Gecko, From Dusk Till Dawn
(Bender enters, holding his young son in his arms)
Bender: Here you go! (dropkicks son into pool of lava)
Robot Devil: (aghast) Wow...that was pretty brutal, even by my standards.
Bender: No backsies!
—Futurama, "The Beast with a Billion Backs"
"B-But what if it's true love?! I know I hate their band, but I can't possibly expose them! I'm not a monster! I'm, like, the coolest most perfect sister in the whole world!"
"I haven't found one single explanation of what Horcruxes do! Not a single one! I've been right through the restricted section and even in the most horrible books, where they tell you how to brew the most gruesome potions — nothing! All I could find was this, in the introduction to "Magick Moste Evile". Listen — "Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction." I mean, why mention it, then?"
—Hermione, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
"I may be a criminal lunatic, but I'm an American criminal lunatic!"
Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - geniune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honour of the season.
The Flash: Seriously?
Ultra-Humanite: You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.
The Flash: ...It's not gonna blow up or anything?
Ultra-Humanite: Flash. It is Christmas.
"The Kingpin has rules — rules which you would do well to memorize. Among these rules is one stipulating that we do not touch another man's wife for any reason —- ever."
"The Ku Klux Klan, LLC. has not or EVER will have ANY connection with The "Westboro Baptist Church". We absolutely repudiate their tactics."
— Press release from the Ku Klux Klan's website, circa September 2003
Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartments doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn.
— Odafin Tutuola, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
"I dare do all that becomes a man; Who dares more is none."
— Macbeth, Macbeth
"I have seen planes leveled and all life rendered to dust. It brought no pleasure, even to a heart as dark as mine."
I would never do such a despicable thing!
— Laharl when Hoggmeiser (Zenisky) accuses him of stealing the Demon Tome in Makai Senki Disgaea
Teisel Bonne: Listen up everyone! I want you to take everything that isn't nailed down, you hear me?! I don't want there to even be a toothpick left!
Servbot 1: Master Tiesel, we've taken all the supplies and loaded them onto the ship!
Servbot 2: What should we do with the toilet paper?
Teisel Bonne: We may be pirates, but we're not barbarians. We'll let them keep the toilet paper.
— During the Bonnes' raid on Saul Kada village, Mega Man Legends 2
"I ain't never killed a kid, and I ain't gonna start now."
— Mark Costa, "Little Red Corvette", The Mentalist
"Compared to the mighty and their simple "pure hearts", the world's villains are much more humane. Scum rule the world and give birth to more scum. Don't they know that? We may mean to do harm, but we're sort of cute by comparison, aren't we, Killer?"
— Eustass Kidd, One Piece
Look Vanessa, there's good evil and there's bad evil.
— Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
"I know we're supposed to be bad guys...but I can't let those cute little creatures get hurt!"
— Jessie, upon seeing a herd of Mareep being attacked, Pokémon
"I every now and then do satanic rituals with Harry Oh, I understand now. Satanic Rituals = intercourse. every now and then because we are both Bisexuals, meaning that we have sex with both boys and girls, but I don't do it with Ron because it is incest. Even Satanists have standards. Somehow, I don't believe a person would talk about themselves in such a self-condescending manner."
"He tended to be highly unethical, and his morals were virtually non-existent, but there were some things he did draw the line at. He found the idea of putting his mouth on a kid for any reason besides applying the Curse Seal and CPR — which he'd had to perform a distressingly large number of times — to be rather reprehensible."
Neville Sinclair: C'mon, Eddie. I'm paying you well. Does it really matter where the money comes from?
Eddie Valentine: It matters to me. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American. I don't work for no two-bit Nazi. Let the girl go!
"I'll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid. ...but eating people alive? Where's that get fun?"
— Jayne, Serenity
"J. Michael Straczynski wrote a comic book explaining the WTC tragedy from superheroes' perspective. And in it, Dr. Doom cried. Yes, the evil mastermind who shot the Fantastic Four's building into space and who contributes to 80 percent of the world's daily robodeath ...he was really broken up by this slight variation of his every waking moment."
"I stole this accordion from a blind monkey! But YOU! You disgust even me!"
Sonic: I can't figure you out. One second you're contemplating genocide, and the next you're saving one of your worst enemies!
"You just don't shoot a guy in the dick!"
— Eric Cartman, one of the most evil people, ever, South Park
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but how could you trade Spongebob for 62 cents?!
Mr. Krabs: You think I could’ve gotten more?
Squidward: He stuck up for you and you sold him out, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
"We are not committing war crimes."
— A light side Imperial member in Star Wars: The Old Republic.
"I'm a thief," he said, "just like you are. We don't fuck kids."
"I know that," I said.
"Some of our guys, they're a little crazy. Like B.T. He'd stab a nigger just to stay in practice, you know?"
"But none of us would do little kids."
"Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I'll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry."
There are some things that are unthinkable: there are some depths that not even demons would believe other demons would stoop to.
"Like many people with no actual morals, Lord Downey did have standards, and Teatime repelled him."
"This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity!"
"Nothing stokes my ire like a cheater. Deception, duplicity, murder — these are merely tools in a toolbox one can use to ensure a job done well. But cheating? I cannot even wrap my head around the point of it. Wouldn't you know you had cheated? How on Earth could you maintain crisp certainty of your superiority to all others? And if you're unable to do that, what's the point of anything?"
"Feelins? Look mate, you know what has a lot of feelins? Blokes what bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards: Be polite, be efficient, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."
"231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry."
"I thought your uninformed outrage would be useful in my eternal struggle to avoid taxation! I didn't realize you were a nihilistic moron willing to crash the entire economy!"
"Private Josef Grigorovich. (smash) Abandoning your assigned post. (smash) Drawing a weapon on a superior officer. (smash) Resisting justice. (smash) Sexual assault on a prisoner of war. Uniform Code of Brotherhood Justice Section Two, Line Twenty-Seven. 'Any form of sexual assault of any kind by a member of the Brotherhood is considered a Class One Offense against the Messiah, punishable by summary execution.'" (throws him out a third-story window)
"They may all look the same to you, but there are different kinds and different levels of evil. A first-class villain doesn't target honest lives."
"Fine, now is a good time to teach you something: even villains have standards!"
— Accelerator, A Certain Magical Index
She had become in my mind, if not daughter, then student, protégé. I had grown both fond and proud of her. She was ever-curious, ever-learning. Writing new songs that made the children do things – tear the wings from butterflies, snarl like wild dogs, hold hands and disappear off into the forest without a thought. Children were the hardest to enthrall, and yet they would do anything for her. They practically begged.
She played, and the children turned, mouths pressing together, such soft, tiny mouths. Perfect rosebuds. She played and their small bodies moved together, removed the air between them.
“Stop!” I had to push her off my lap so hard that her music flared and then faltered.
“But…” She pushed her lip out, near tears. Her mole slid, as though it was melting against her skin.
I took a softer tone. I didn’t mean to scare her. I didn’t mean to scare myself.
“You can’t make people do those things,” I said. “There is a line, a line of… ” Of what? I didn’t know.
— Trill, a short story by Shanna Germain
"We're doctors in the field of robotics. Arson is a little beneath us, don't you think?"
— Dr. Wily, Two Evil Scientists
"What kind of monster have I created? No matter how evil you become, you never strike a child. I mean sure, you make them do a few million sit-ups or else there won't be supper, but you never ever hit them."
— "Sunshine", Ultimate Muscle
"Ugly. Aah, how ugly is a woman drowning in lust...! This is this woman's true nature!! Even I, as a witch who has explored the depths of evil, find this most difficult to watch!!"
Brock: (sighing with disgust) This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!
Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man's eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
Brock: At least I didn’t break his heart.
Dr. Venture: ...You don’t know that.
— The Venture Bros.. The speakers are "good" guys.
Miles: This man — you apparently don't know — was cashiered from the Barrayaran Imperial Service for brutality.
Oser: From the Barrayaran Service? That must have taken some doing.
"Oh, this motherfucker be killing niggers just to do it. See? Nigga kill motherfuckers just 'cause he can. Not cause they snitchin', not 'cause it's business, 'cause...this shit just come natural to him. I mean, Little Kevin is GONE! This nigger don't feel nothin'. And all them motherfuckers in them row-houses — nobody mean a fucking thing to him! FUCK Marlo, man, FUCK him! And anybody that thinks it's alright to do people this way!"
"I have few principles, but I stick to them."
— Black Hat Guy, xkcd
Killer the Butcher: It's a good day! Gizzar! Bring me wine! We drink to the Emperor of Vega!
Gizzar: Gyoy, Butcher!
Killer: Bareta, prepare me a new Mechaboost!
Bareta: Gyoy, Butcher.
Killer: All belongs to Gaizock. To me, Killer the Butcher.
Killer: Hoh hoh hoh! Resist me with all your might, earthlings!
Killer: Hoh hoh hoh hoh! Mwohohohohohoho!
Gandal: (Emperor Vega, this man... he's too dangerous...)
Emperor Vega: (Mm. Yes, we may have signed a deal with the devil.)
Killer: Hoh hohohoho! Bwohohohohohohohohohoho!
Arthur: We were friends. I could have helped them, but the Nazis paid too well. Can I trust that you will keep what you learned here today confidential, despite whatever you may think? [offers Madeline a check]
Madeline: Yes, Arthur. [accepts the check] Well, I'd love to tell you what a monster you are, but I have to help Bin Laden's nephew buy a co-op on Park Avenue.
Arthur: [laughs] If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.
Madeleine: We're listing you as a reference.
She scanned the canyon floor and quickly found what she was looking for, an ancient dwelling carved into the cliff face by the mysterious Anasazi a millennia ago. Carmen had initially scouted Eagle Rock, but ultimately ruled it out; it was considered sacred to the Hopi people and a superstitious part of her was still inclined to give Native American holy sites a wide birth. If it were within Carmen's power, she would have taken the entire 270 mile long canyon to add to her collection of Natural Wonders of the World. But such a feat of engineering would have been beyond even what Sara at her most brilliant could manage. Besides, damaging an entire ecosystem did not sit well with her unique moral code. The cliff dwelling at Nankoweap Creek seemed like a fine compromise.
Vinny: We've done a lot of things we're not proud of ... Robbing graves, plundering tombs, double-parking ... But nobody ever got hurt. Well, maybe somebody got hurt ... but nobody we knew.
"I'll never kick dogs, I'll never hurt a child, I'll never slap a woman - three things I won't do on film."
— Lee Van Cleef describing his stipulations about playing villains. He is dead serious toonote .
"They're vile little creatures who would step on their mother's head to have a hit."
— The famously frugal and forgiving Simon Cowell on Jedward.
"I have never understood Donald Trump’s involvement in wrestling. He is always presented as a face counterpart to Vince McMahon’s evil billionaire character, but the facts tell a different, much darker story. While the wrestling persona Mr. McMahon once made Trish Stratus strip and bark like a dog on television, the real-life Donald Trump once tried to demolish a little old lady’s house and turn it into parking space."
"NOT EVEN 4CHAN WANTS THESE PEOPLE"
—Rational Wiki on Men's Rights Activism
"My God! What is this guy? First the sandwiches, and now laughing evilly while he's off to have an affair!? Even Darth Vader would be like: Dude, you are a fucking ass!"
"There was a scene filmed for this movie where Jason kicks Toby to death but it was cut because according to Kane Hodder, there's some things even Jason wouldn't do. I love it. That's Jason Voorhees: card-carrying member of PETA. "
"Hey, Norman Bates called; he said you're really kind of a weirdo!"
"I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes...they made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, 'You're a dick, dude. I can't believe you — that's too far.'"
— John Caparulo
(impersonating Hirogen) "Y'know, I might kill for no reason other than someone's in killing distance, but at least I'm not a Nazi."
— SFDebris, "The Killing Game Pt.1"
"The followers of a robber asked: 'Do robbers have morals or not?' Answered he: 'Why do you say they have no morals? By sagacity they calculate what treasures lie hidden in a house, by courage they go first into danger, by justice they leave last, by wisdom they know whether or not a hit can succeed, and by kindness they split the spoils.'"
Zhuang Zi, On Thievery
Richard Sherman: WHEN YOU MATCH ME UP AGAINST A SORRY RECEIVER LIKE MICHAEL CRABTREE, IMMA WHIP HIS ASS ON NATIONAL TV AND THEN CALL HIM NAMES WHILE HIS MAMA WATCHES!
Darth Vader: BOOOOO!
Lord Voldemort: HISSSSSS!
Bill Belichick: HE’S SO EVIL!
"I do men. I do women. I don't discriminate. I don't do kids. That's a different kind of psycho"
Spademan, Shovel Ready