Quotes / Even Evil Has Standards

Anime & Manga

"I should kill you right now! You're a goddamn embarrassment to this family, and you WILL apologize to Sando-san for this!"

— Yoshida to Chaka, Black Lagoon

"They may all look the same to you, but there are different kinds and different levels of evil. A first-class villain doesn't target honest lives. [...] Fine, now is a good time to teach you something: even villains have standards!"

— Accelerator, A Certain Magical Index

"Nations aren't dirt, and they're not systems. They're people. The High Eunuchs have lost the people's support. They're no longer qualified to join us as representatives of the Chinese Federation."

— Schneizel el Britannia, abandoning the Chinese High Eunuchs to die after realizing how little they care for their nation; Code Geass

"Enough, Spopovich! This isn't what we came here to do. Ring out the girl and finish this match."

— Yamu calling Spopovich out on his No-Holds-Barred Beatdown of Videl, Dragon Ball Z

"I'm a villain, not a monster!"

— Emperor Pilaf, Dragon Ball Super

"You try to take a lesser being you despised as your container, just to escape your own predicament. You... are hideous."

— Solf J. Kimblee to Pride, Fullmetal Alchemist

Yumie: Hey, how about we tie [Integra] up and take her away with us? That would work!
Heinkel: I want to shoot her!!
Integra: I can hear you, you know. They want to tie me up, or shoot me. What is it that you want, Anderson?
Anderson: What do you think? Teaming up against an unarmed woman to do God knows what to her? We're paladins, not rapists!

— Hellsing

"I've never been known for my refined tastes, but you sicken even me."

— Inuyasha

"It's rare that I ever feel repulsed by others, but Cioccolata is the worst piece of shit on the face of the earth. He'll probably make a mess of Rome before he's done."

— Diavolo, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind

"Dio is somewhere in this town! I can't forgive that bastard! I steal things, but he steals life!"

— Robert E.O. Speedwagon,^note who has recently made a Heel–Face Turn JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Blood

"I would never do such a despicable thing!"

— Laharl when Hoggmeiser (Zenisky) accuses him of stealing the Demon Tome in Makai Senki Disgaea

"What's so fun about firing at targets that aren't moving?"

— Yzak Joule, reacting to ZAFT soldiers — his own allies — executing Earth Alliance mobile suit pilots despite them surrendering; Mobile Suit Gundam SEED

"We may mean to do harm, but we're sort of cute by comparison, aren't we, Killer?"

— Eustass Kidd, One Piece

"You ingrates... the pirate world may be cruel, but there are still standards!! Damn vermin!!"

— Big Mom, One Piece

"I know we're supposed to be bad guys... but I can't let those cute little creatures get hurt!"

— Jessie upon seeing a herd of Mareep being attacked, Pokémon: The Original Series

"Team Rocket may be rotten cheaters, but we're not in the business of destroying children's dreams!"

— James, Pokémon: The Series

"I don't like the way you attacked Chris and Cosmo! It's one thing to take them prisoner and threaten them, but when you actually hurt somebody, that's going too far!"

— Doctor Eggman to Black Narcissus, Sonic X

"I get that I'm a murderer, but you know what? At least I let the dead rest in peace."

— Nana Hiragi to Yuka Sasaki, Talentless Nana

"What kind of monster have I created? No matter how evil you become, you never strike a child! I mean sure, you make them do a few million sit-ups or else there won't be supper, but you never, ever hit them!"

— "Sunshine", Ultimate Muscle

"Getting close... the Castle of Chaythe. Soon we'll be able to see it: the home of Carmilla, the Bloody Countess. You've heard of her. For five thousand years her rule of terror lasted, and then, that was that! Your father, the Vampire King, grew angry. He was impatient with her vanity; offended by her bloodlust, her gluttony. He grew so tired that he killed her while she slept, impaling her on a sword, and that was it for her."

— Left Hand, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

Elder Toguro: No... I'm your brother! We sold our souls together!! Yet you would do this... to me?!
Younger Toguro: So it goes... brother. [Elder Toguro is sent flying off with a Megaton Punch, landing in the ocean] I never sold my standards.

— YuYu Hakusho, after Younger Toguro finally gets fed up with his older brother

Comic Books

"You're the worst person I've ever met."

— Jerimiah Arkham, Humpty Dumpty, the Joker, and LITERAL DEMONS FROM HELL to Warren White, Arkham Asylum: Living Hell

The Joker: And just what, exactly, is the point of that suit, fella? You're a bit late for Halloween...
Red Skull: You will not be able to get your million dollars in blackmail money, of course, but there are rewards awaiting you in Berlin that will make a million dollars seem like a pittance. Adolf Hitler himself intends to award you Germany's highest honors!
The Joker: You mean that's not just some crazy disguise? I've been working with a Nazi?!?
Red Skull: But of course. Why are you so upset, Joker? From what I have read of your exploits it seemed obvious you would make a superb Nazi!
The Joker: That mask must be cutting off the oxygen to your brain. I may be a criminal lunatic, but I'm an American criminal lunatic! Keep back, boys! This creep is mine!

— Batman & Captain America

"The Kingpin has rules — rules which you would do well to memorize. Among these rules is one stipulating that we do not touch another man's wife for any reason — ever."

— The Kingpin, Daredevil

"I am the God of War. The God of Slaughter. Even the God of Murder. But I am NOT the god of sadism!"

— Ares, Dark Avengers: Ares #3

"If it's over for us, then I can accept going down in this twisted world. The Crime Syndicate promised us a world of 'forever evil'... But who the hell wants that garbage?! Not the Rogues. When the Syndicate gets their heads handed to them — and they will — I hope people remember that the Rogues didn't have no part in their crazy. We had our own little rebellion against those evil bastards. And if I have to go, at least I did my best to keep you safe. I want you to know, that even in the end we went down like a team... we didn't break our code for no one. Goodbye, baby. I hope when you wake up it's to sunshine and a better world than we left for you. Goodbye, Lisa... I love you."

— Sam Scudder/Mirror Master, Forever Evil: Rogues Rebellion

John Diggle: Billy may be a lot of things, but unlike Dragon, he's not a psychopath. He doesn't kill cops, doesn't kill civilians. Isn't that right, Billy?
Billy Tockman: Man's gotta have a code, Dig. You know that.

— Green Arrow, Vol. 5, #29

"You're too crazy even for some crackpot Nazi holdouts! How's that feel?"

— Hellboy on von Klempt's zombie army project being rejected by said crackpot Nazi holdouts, Hellboy and the BPRD: 1952

Joker: Okay. Fascinating story so far, Andre. But let's hurry up and get to the Nazi-killing.
Andre: I thought... you'd like them?
Joker: WHAT?! I'm American. I @#$%#$@ hate Nazis! I'm a homicidal maniac, not a traitorous bigot.

— Injustice Year Zero

''"This was the day she went too far for me. No, not the stealing. That I was okay with. My morals weren't always above bar okay?

— Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (IDW) #76

"Murdering slaves? Have you no scruples, mercenary?"

— Bane, to Deadshot, Secret Six

"When villains want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories."

— The Trickster, Underworld Unleashed

"What they're doing... I mean, I done some bad things. I did bad things to women. I shot kids! In 'Nam I shot kids. But I never did anything like... like... Oh mother of God forgive me. What's funny? What's so goddamned funny! I don't get it. Somebody explain it to me."

— The Comedian, Watchmen

Comic Strips

Interviewer: We're looking for a special kind of employee, Wally. Specifically, we like people with low self-esteem. That way we can bully them into working unpaid overtime. Do you think you're insecure enough to work here?
Wally: Let me put it this way. Sometimes I pretend to choke in the cafeteria... then when someone performs the Heimlich maneuver on me I spin around suddenly... just to get a hug.
[Interviewer is wide-eyed and no longer smiling. Smash Cut to later in the company cafeteria.]
Alice: Did he really say you're over-qualified?

— Dilbert

"I thought your uninformed outrage would be useful in my eternal struggle to avoid taxation! I didn't realize you were a nihilistic moron willing to crash the entire economy!"

— Plutocrat Pete to Tea Party Tim, on his plan to force the government to default to control spending, This Modern World

Fan Works

Rikitatsu had no morals, that much was obvious. But even then he knew where to draw the line. Sure, killing, maiming, and all of that fun stuff. He condoned that. Even human experimentation to a degree. But there were just some crimes that someone didn’t commit. Even someone like Rikitatsu, who despite the fact that he was a police officer who actively committed crimes in his free time, knew that committing those crimes made you an animal.

— All For One on his father before killing him, All For Luz.

"She scanned the canyon floor and quickly found what she was looking for, an ancient dwelling carved into the cliff face by the mysterious Anasazi a millennia ago. Carmen had initially scouted Eagle Rock, but ultimately ruled it out; it was considered sacred to the Hopi people and a superstitious part of her was still inclined to give Native American holy sites a wide berth. If it were within Carmen's power, she would have taken the entire 270 mile long canyon to add to her collection of Natural Wonders of the World. But such a feat of engineering would have been beyond even what Sara at her most brilliant could manage. Besides, damaging an entire ecosystem did not sit well with her unique moral code. The cliff dwelling at Nankoweap Creek seemed like a fine compromise."

— Canyon, a Carmen Sandiego fanfic

"Child predators are sick, sick fucks! And that's coming from the mouth of a bear who kidnapped all of you just so he could force you into murdering each other for no real reason."

— Monokuma, Danganronpa: Paradise Lost

It was extremely hard to disgust Sasori.
"We are happy," the Hyuuga woman passing by him smiled.
Having faced many horrors in his career and committed many crimes personally, it was hard to surprise him. He himself thought he couldn't be astonished by anything, after transforming humans into puppets or brainwashing people for information.
"Utopia is a perfect place," a man grinned spinning lazily a short distance away from him. "We are at peace."
But these… these things were on another level entirely.
"We love Alpha," the mindless drones whispered. "She's protecting us. We are safe."
"No will, individuality annihilated," Sasori growled, eying the people surrounding him. He and Orochimaru had found Utopia, an underground garden, illuminated by an artificial sun.
And they had met its denizens. "No memory, destroyed. No soul, reduced to rubble."

— Echoes (Kagaseo)

Mercury: And did you guys see the way he acted? He was like a possessive, abusive boyfriend that doesn't let his girl do anything without him. A real creep I'll tell you what.
Emerald: [raises an eyebrow] Says the literal assassin?
Mercury: Hey I may be an assassin, but I'm also a professional. And professionals have standards, not feelings. Blondie over there? He's the type of guy who'll bludgeon his wife to death with a golf trophy, believe me.

— Jaune Arc, Lord of Hunger, "Chapter 10: Satiation"

"Let me put it simply. Our tales hold that the Iron Isles were made by our Drowned God, harsh but livable, to make us hearty and strong. Save for Saltcliffe. That was made by his enemy the Storm God, in mockery of the Drowned God's work, to be the most grim place imaginable. The other islands have iron, and lead, and tin. Saltcliffe has salt. The men who work those other mines become stooped, crippled, die in accidents... and every damn one of them thanks whatever power they believe in they do not work in Saltcliffe. [King Balon Hoare IV] declared that no thrall could be forced to work in Saltcliffe, save for criminals. And this was not a soft-hearted man — he's generally called "Balon the Bloody", for, well, the reasons you'd expect. But he found the conditions there so horrible, that he could not send men down there simply to die."

Urrigon Greyjoy, The King Nobody Wanted

"B-But what if it's true love?! I know I hate their band, but I can't possibly expose them! I'm not a monster! I'm, like, the coolest most perfect sister in the whole world!"

— Trina Riffin, "The Perfect Big Sister"◊, a Grojband fan comic

"I every now and then do satanic rituals with Harry (Oh, I understand now. Satanic Rituals = intercourse.) every now and then because we are both Bisexuals, meaning that we have sex with both boys and girls, but I don't do it with Ron because it is incest. Even Satanists have standards. (Somehow, I don't believe a person would talk about themselves in such a self-condescending manner)."

— Ginny Weasley, The Prayer Warriors, lampshading this trope (before subverting it) with IHeartThomasBrown commenting on the lampshading

"I should kill you now, for the Queen. But I am a samurai, and even a dark samurai is bound by a certain honor, and that means no killing the person who just saved your life."

— Hebi, passing up an opportunity to kill Jackie, Queen of All Oni

"Wow, I've killed a lot of people, but I never coerced a five-year-old into provoking somebody into torturing her so I could get my jollies playing with her power. Most Evil Person In The Car Award goes to Addy."

— Maggie, Radiance

"He tended to be highly unethical, and his morals were virtually non-existent, but there were some things he did draw the line at. He found the idea of putting his mouth on a kid for any reason besides applying the Curse Seal and CPR — which he'd had to perform a distressingly large number of times — to be rather reprehensible."

— Orochimaru in Reactions, regarding shipping Kakashi with Naruto.

"Make no mistake, I'm a bad person, but even bad people have shit they find distasteful."

— Bertilak, Relic Of The Future

Had he seriously just been chased out of his own hideout by a little old lady? Talk about humiliating. The worst part was that he couldn't even do anything about it. It wasn't like he could just beat up an elderly goat. Yeah, that would sure make him look macho.

— Kai's thoughts about the Soothsayer, Shen vs. Kai

"You should know, Saki, I decided to look into you after hearing you were coming to the Big Apple. Of all the crime lords the Green Goblin has met, you've got to be the stupidest. Didn’t you realize that you’d already won when you drove the rat out of Japan? You could’ve moved on and lived your life, building your empire until you were the most powerful crime lord in Japan, possibly in Asia. But instead you spent years of your life and all of your resources searching for a man you already defeated. All he wanted was to be left alone to raise his kids… the same kids you and your lackeys tried to kill a few minutes ago. [Gets angry and stops smiling]. You should know that the Green Goblin doesn’t approve of people who go after their enemies’ children. You don’t ever make it personal. [smile returns]. As for Splinter, you have to admire a dedicated parent. Raising one kid is hard enough but five? How does he do it? Ah, well, a question for another day."

— The Green Goblin's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Shredder, Spider-Ninja

"They don't even bother to appropriate their possessions before killing them most of the time. They burn or bury you with everything you had on your person. Wasteful... not to mention cruel, terrible, and unspeakably evil. You have to understand, I'm not the most reputable businessman myself. Naturally I have a high tolerance for the unscrupulous. But even for a man like me, this is, in every way, inexcusable. It's not even understandable."

— Hondo Onaka, regarding the Imperium of Man's death camps on Axum, Star Wars vs Warhammer 40K

"It is the beginnings of a purge. I will not pretend that the Terran Dominion is out for much beyond its own interests, but I despise pointless cruelty, meaningless hate. Vengeance… I have supped on vengeance. But what they're doing is zealotry, and they're doing it in the name of the human race."

— Arcturus Mengsk, Sudden Contact

"Private Josef Grigorovich. (SMASH) Abandoning your assigned post. (SMASH) Drawing a weapon on a superior officer. (SMASH) Resisting justice. (SMASH) Sexual assault on a prisoner of war. Uniform Code of Brotherhood Justice Section Two, Line Twenty-Seven: "Any form of sexual assault of any kind by a member of the Brotherhood is considered a Class One Offense against the Messiah, punishable by summary execution." (CRASH)"

— Brother-Captain Allen of the Black Hand, Tiberium Wars

A dim thought of someone calling him corpsefucker, which all three parts of him took offense to; be all his sins remembered, the Death Knight had never practiced necrophilia, nor any sexual deviancy at all. His murders were strictly platonic.

—WHITE KING, BLACK KING.

Taotie read the flyer several times before he fully comprehended what he was reading.
He balled the paper with an angry grumble. “Great. Just great. Come along, Bian Zao, we’ll come again next week.”
“What? I mean, you’re not going to track them down?”
“Oh, I know where they are, but I’m not going to attack an orphanage.”

— Oogway's Little Owl

"The Flying Fish Riders are a kidnapping gang only! We do not fucking sell slaves!"

— Iron Mask Duval, This Bites!

Lucrecia was a monster, and she did horrible, horrible things... but she'd never been indiscriminate. Cautious and careful and surgical, she did not cut anyone who was not her target. It didn't make her a morally good person, but it did mean she was not prone to the sort of... senseless slaughter the President was advocating.
Hell, given her reaction? She was mad, spitting mad, madder than he even knew she could get. Lucrecia was horrified by the idea of Platefall.

— Seventh Endmost Vision

(Claude cannot bring himself to make a second Tragedy, [and] knowing that his allies were responsible for the first sickens him to his bones. Claude is a monster- you cannot do the things he has done and claim decency- but he is a monster with rules, and it is what sets him apart from Seiros, whose dreams of dominion have no such boundaries.)

— Verdant Flower, Crimson Wind

His nose wrinkled in disgust. Blood of the innocent? How classless. The extra power you got from innocent blood wasn’t worth the hassle of finding someone that guiltless. It was more efficient to just bleed twice the number of soldiers instead.
Unless it was children’s blood.
He snorted angrily. If they were using child sacrifices, then he would make their deaths hurt.

— Ganondorf, Tired, Retired

Films — Animation

"We've done a lot of things we're not proud of... robbing graves, plundering tombs, double-parking... but nobody ever got hurt. Well, maybe somebody got hurt... but nobody we knew."

— Vinny, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, taking a stand against complete obliteration of a civilization

Ra's al Ghul: I'm afraid I overestimated my abilities to control the Joker, just as I underestimated his madness. It grieved me so to be a party of something so brutal.
Batman: You never shied away from drawing blood.
Ra's al Ghul: True. But always with purpose. Always with greater goals. This was simply an unnecessary casualty.

— Batman: Under the Red Hood

"Oh, god! She's killing blind orphans! That's so... evil! I mean, which is great, but — blind orphans?"

— Igor, Igor

Nyra: Oh, Allomere. Is it different when you see the consequences of your betrayal?
Allomere: [watches in discomfort] Must it be bats that bleed them?

— Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

"Using that little girl as a shield... THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!"

— Dr. Jumba Jookiba talking about Stitch, Lilo & Stitch

Coachman: ...and I takes 'em to Pleasure Island.
Honest John: Ah, Pleasure Island. Pleasure Island?! But the law! Suppose they—
Coachman: No, no, there's no risk. They never come back... as BOYS!
[Honest John and Gideon cower at the Coachman's evil expression]

— Pinocchio

Films — Live-Action

Goldmember: Dr. Evil! Can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.
Dr. Evil: How 'bout NO, YOU CRAZY DUTCH BASTARD?

— Austin Powers in Goldmember

Ava: We'll make them bring the lab back.
Foster: How?
Ava: Lang. He has a daughter, right?
Foster: You can't mean that. Ava, I tolerate a lot of the things you do out there, but I won't be a part of anything like that.
Ava: You're not the one who's about to fade away into nothing, Bill! I am! You said you could fix me! You promised.
Foster: I know. I will. But not like that. You lay one finger on that little girl, I won't help you, and we're done.

— Ant-Man and the Wasp

"Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it's an ethos!"

— Walter, The Big Lebowski

"He was supposed to get this package! Tampering with the mail is a federal offense!"

— Chucky, Child's Play 3

"I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty."

— Cyrus the Virus, Con Air, to Johnny 23

"This is the moment to be practical, until such time as Germany can afford your philosophy — which is what? Hound them, impoverish, exploit them, imprison them, just do not kill them and you are God's noblest of men? I find that... truly remarkable."

— Reinhard Heydrich to Dr. Wilhelm Kritzinger, Conspiracy (2001)

Sal Maroni: This craziness, it's too much.
Commissioner Gordon: You should have thought about that before you let the clown out of the box.
Sal Maroni: You want him? I can tell you where he'll be this afternoon.

— The Dark Knight

John McClane: There never was a bomb [in a school], was there?
Simon Gruber: Of course not. I'm a soldier, not a monster... even though I sometimes work for monsters.

— Die Hard with a Vengeance

"You don't kill people you don't know! That's a rule!"

— Joe "Mental" Mentalino, Dumb and Dumber

"Richard, what's wrong with you? Is it me? Is this my fault? Do think that this is what I am? I am a professional fucking thief. I don't kill people that I don't have to, and I don't rape women. What you are doing — what you are doing — what you are fucking doing, is not how it's done. Do you understand? Say 'Yes, Seth, I understand.' Say 'Yes, Seth, I fucking understand.'"

— Seth Gecko to Richie Gecko, From Dusk Till Dawn

"Go home, Kate. I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fuckin' bastard."

— Seth Gecko, From Dusk Till Dawn

Roxy: You're seriously not interested in me at all as a girlfriend?
Frank: What the hell are you talking about? I'm not a pedophile.
Roxy: So we're platonic spree killers?

— God Bless America

I also don't believe in drugs. For years I paid my people extra so they wouldn't do that kind of business. Somebody comes to them and says, 'I have powders; if you put up three, four thousand dollar investment, we can make fifty thousand distributing.' So they can't resist. I want to control it as a business, to keep it respectable. I don't want it near schools! I don't want it sold to children! That's an infamia!

— Don Zaluichi, The Godfather

Gef: Hey, what about this little plant^note Groot? Can I smash it with a rock?
Taserface: No, Gef; it's too adorable to kill. Take it to the tailor!

— Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

"There are two kinds of men I will never befriend; Cops and garbage who murder their own bosses. You have no sense of honor!"

—Mad Dog, Hard Boiled

Ken, if I had killed a little kid — accidentally or otherwise — I wouldn't have thought twice; I'd have killed myself on the fucking spot. On the fucking spot. I'd have stuck the gun in my mouth on the fucking spot.

— Harry, In Bruges

Arthur: We were friends. I could have helped them, but the Nazis paid too well. Can I trust that you will keep what you learned here today confidential, despite whatever you may think? [Offers Madeline a check]
Madeline: Yes, Arthur. [Accepts the check] Well, I'd love to tell you what a monster you are, but I have to help Bin Laden's nephew buy a co-op on Park Avenue.
Arthur: [Laugh] If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.
Madeleine: We're listing you as a reference.

— Inside Man

Jesus Christ, I'm not THAT evil!

— The Motherfucker refuses to shoot someone's dog, Kick-Ass 2

Neville Sinclair: C'mon, Eddie. I'm paying you well. Does it really matter where the money comes from?
Eddie Valentine: It matters to me. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American, and I don't work for no two-bit Nazi. Let her go!

— The Rocketeer

Two little kids in a car… this is so fucking bad… Make you feel good, to kill a mother and her kids? Make you feel big? You big man! Fuck you, what do you think I am?! You think I'll kill two kids and a woman? Fuck that! I don't need that shit in my life! YOU DIE, MOTHERFUCKER! [shoots Alberto] What do you think I am, huh?! What you think I am, a fucking worm like you?!… I told you, no fucking kids! But you wouldn't listen! Well, you stupid fuck, look at you now!

— Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

I'll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid. …but eating people alive? Where's that get fun?

— Jayne, Serenity

I didn't attack your sister, I swear. I may be a sinner, but not a savage.

— Thiago Santo, Falcon Rising

This isn't torture anymore, Jakoda. You can't leave him in a cell with a rotting corpse. It's inhuman.

—Olga, Strike Commando

Sugai: Your methods are crude and disgraceful.

Sato: You liked my methods well enough when they served you.

— Black Rain

Literature

Jake: He's a prisoner of war. We don't kill prisoners.
Visser One: No. Of course not. You merely blow up ground-based Yeerk pools and kill thousands. And then another seventeen thousand of our brothers here on this ship. Defenseless, harmless, unhosted Yeerks. Murdered. But you don't kill prisoners.

— Animorphs

"Artemis Fowl did not like whalers. There were less objectionable ways to obtain oil by-products."

— Artemis Fowl

"I am evil, but I am not cruel to animals. There's a special Hell reserved for those who are."

— The demon Azzie, Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming

"Once [the city of Genua] had been able to afford the largest branch of the Assassins' Guild outside Ankh-Morpork, and its members were so busy that you sometimes had to wait for months.
But the assassins had all left years ago. Some things sicken even jackals."

— Witches Abroad

"Like many people with no actual morals, Lord Downey did have standards, and Teatime repelled him."

— Hogfather

"Primarch Fulgrim! Rylanor deserves better than you. He deserves better than any of us."

— Malin Vistario, Thousand Sons Chaos Sorcerer, Horus Heresy

"Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I'll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry."

— Going Postal

"There are some things that are unthinkable: there are some depths that not even demons would believe other demons would stoop to."

— Good Omens

"Like petty criminals everywhere, the watchmen prided themselves that there were some depths to which they would not sink. There had to be some things below you, even if it was only mudworms."

— Night Watch Discworld

"The Guild of Assassins had a code of honor as well as rules; it was an odd code, carefully constructed to fit their needs, but it was a code nonetheless. You didn't kill the unprotected, or servants, you did it up close, and you kept your word. This was appalling."

— Night Watch Discworld

We do not murder.
We do not execute. We do not massacre. We never, you may be very certain, we never torture. We have no truck with crimes of passion or hatred or pointless gain. We do not do it for a delight in inhumation, or to feed some secret inner need, or for petty advantage, or for some cause or belief; I tell you, gentlemen, that all these reasons are in the highest degree suspect. Look into the face of a man who will kill you for a belief and your nostrils will snuff up the scent of abomination. Hear a speech declaring a holy war and, I assure you, should catch the clink of evil's scales and the dragging of its monstrous tail over the purity of the language.
No, we do it for the money.
And, because we above all must know the value of a human life, we do it for a great deal of money.
Nile mortifi, sine lucre. Remember. No killing without payment.
And always give a receipt.^note This also counts as Pragmatic Villainy (especially the receipt bit), as it ensures that anyone who hires a guild assassin can't later sell them out without incriminating themselves in the process.

— Dr. Cruces, head of the Assassin's Guild, Pyramids

"We were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape: We never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality."

—The Noble Dragon, Guards! Guards!

"I haven't found one single explanation of what Horcruxes do! Not a single one! I've been right through the restricted section and even in the most horrible books, where they tell you how to brew the most gruesome potions — nothing! All I could find was this, in the introduction to Magick Moste Evile. Listen — "Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction." I mean, why mention it, then?"

— Hermione, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

"They may have been super villains, but they had limits."

— Joshua Dread

"I do men. I do women. I don't discriminate. I don't do kids. That's a different kind of psycho."

— Spademan, Shovel Ready

"I'm a thief," he said, "just like you are. We don't fuck kids."
"I know that," I said.
"Some of our guys, they're a little crazy. Like B.T. He'd stab a nigger just to stay in practice, you know?"
"I know."
"But none of us would do little kids."

— Neo-Nazi leader to Burke, Strega

There is nothing wrong with good, clean bloodlust. There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting to go out and bend all opposition to your iron rule. On such things, all Sontaran culture is based. However, we simply wish to kill our enemies, bury their women and children, and raze their cities to the ground. This is simply what honor and our own superiority demands.
There is something sick at the heart of the Daleks. Hate has squeezed the honor out of them. Hate has infected them, infested them. The hate we feel for our ancestral enemies, the Rutans, is but a shadow of what these ancient and terrible creatures feel for anything that is not a Dalek.

— The Sontaran Subliminal Education Matrix, Doctor Who: Twelve Angels Weeping

She had become in my mind, if not daughter, then student, protégé. I had grown both fond and proud of her. She was ever-curious, ever-learning. Writing new songs that made the children do things – tear the wings from butterflies, snarl like wild dogs, hold hands and disappear off into the forest without a thought. Children were the hardest to enthrall, and yet they would do anything for her. They practically begged.
[…]
She played, and the children turned, mouths pressing together, such soft, tiny mouths. Perfect rosebuds. She played and their small bodies moved together, removed the air between them.
"Stop!" I had to push her off my lap so hard that her music flared and then faltered.
"But…" She pushed her lip out, near tears. Her mole slid, as though it was melting against her skin.
I took a softer tone. I didn't mean to scare her. I didn't mean to scare myself.
"You can't make people do those things," I said. "There is a line, a line of..." Of what? I didn’t know.

— Trill, a short story by Shanna Germain

Miles: This man — you apparently don't know — was cashiered from the Barrayaran Imperial Service for brutality.
Oser: From the Barrayaran Service? That must have taken some doing.

— The Vor Game

Most paid killers operated under a strange code of conduct. Some would kill a woman but not a child. Others looked with contempt upon those who would steal. Many would have nothing to do with a rapist. Still others would not tell a lie. Gates fell into that last category.

— Blood Bond: Devil's Creek Crossfire

"Even on Barrayar," he said mildly, "no human being can own another…"

— Brothers in Arms

"We are not as far apart as I would like to think, but neither are we as close as Vorru thinks."

— Kirtan Loor, X-Wing: The Krytos Trap

Once, in the time of the Therin Throne, the [Gentling] process was used to punish criminals, but it has been centuries since any civilized Therin city-state allowed the use of Wraithstone on men and women. A society that still hangs children for petty theft and feeds prisoners to sea-creatures finds the results too disquieting to bear.

— The Lies of Locke Lamora

Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out. Is one's first feeling, 'Thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies are as bad as possible? If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils. You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker. If we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black. Finally we shall insist on seeing everything — God and our friends and ourselves included — as bad, and not be able to stop doing it: we shall be fixed for ever in a universe of pure hatred.

— C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

When an international financier is confronted by a holdup man with a gun, he automatically hands over not only his money and jewelry but also his shirt and pants, because it doesn't occur to him that a robber might draw the line somewhere.

— Nero Wolfe, Over My Dead Body

And maybe it sounds strange coming from me — ludicrous that I, Leo James, fraud that I am, would ever have cared about any of these things, of have let them bother me enough to spoil my joi de vivre. But look at my life: in the seventies, I did what everyone else did — I slacked off and dropped out. In the eighties, too, I did what everyone else did — I tried to get rich. I've always been a child of my age, I've always gone with the crowd. I would have liked to fit in with the Howard age, too. But for once, I couldn't. It was too hollow. Too grating.

— Underground, by Andrew McGahan

Johnny Marcone: [On two recent assassinations] It was business.

Miss Gard: And the fact that one of them was pushing heroin to thirteen-year-old girls and the other was pimping them out had nothing to do with it.

Johnny Marcone: It was business. Morelli can find pushers and pimps anywhere. A decent accountant is invaluable; I sent his bookkeeper back as a gesture of respect.

Gard: You don't respect Morelli.

Johnny Marcone: Perhaps not.

Gard: Then why?

Johnny Marcone: They were in my territory. They broke my rule.

Gard: No children.

Johnny Marcone: No children. I do not tolerate challenges, Miss Gard. They are bad for business.

—Even Hand

Nick: You know, for a Con Man, you sure have a strict moral code.
Gerry: The key part of con man is the word 'man'. You have to have empathy with your fellow human beings or you're just a sociopath, and they make the shittiest con men alive.

— Super Powereds

When the antidote kicked in and Theodolphus could breathe again, he saw his napkin had the sigil of the Nameless Order on it, with an ornate mark that more or less said, Hey, remember, we don't kill kids anymore. Okay?

—All the Birds in the Sky

"George, when you die, be sure to go to Heaven. We can do without your sort where I come from."

—The Demon Chardonay, Paint Your Dragon

"Unlike you, Mr. Merle, I don't draw artificial lines. I've never quite understood people who did. I've known dope dealers who drew the line at rape. I've known killers who drew the line at dealing drugs. I've never understood any of them. Once one crosses the line of morality, any further distinctions are arbitrary and capricious."

— Diego Vasquez, Recoil by Brian Garfield

"We don't need this. Only a savage would kill an elephant to get a small steak for his breakfast."

— Zabulon, regarding a curse of mysterious origin that seems set to level Moscow, Night Watch (Series)

Live-Action TV

"In Gaffney, people called it the 'War of Northern Aggression'. I personally take no pride in the Confederacy: Avoid wars you can’t win, and never raise your flag for an asinine cause like slavery."

— Frank Underwood on his Southern heritage, House of Cards (US)

Senator Powell: You have a young daughter, named Georgia, who is about 10 years old. Has little Georgia seen your film entitled Ripcord, which contains 357 acts of violence, 175 profanities, and 4 scenes of lesbian sex? She proud of her daddy for that one?! How can you look that sweet little girl in the eye?
Peter Dragon: I manage. I never voted to subsidize the growing of tobacco, while turning my back on food programs for starving kids. I've never vetoed a gun control bill. All my guns are fake, Senator! I've never rushed to the defense of Kuwaiti oil fields, while ignoring genocide in Africa, because big oil companies that line your fat pockets aren't concerned with black Africa. Those are all productions of your company Senator, this company right here!

— Action

"There is nothing I hate more than a racist."

— Fiona Goode, American Horror Story: Coven

"Sweetie, when even I'm offended, you know you've gone too far."

— Paige Michalchuk referring to her best friend Hazel's racism, Degrassi: The Next Generation

Topher: See these dark areas? How they extend all the way out to here? You know why that looks like that? That's because Terry Karrens doesn't use that part of his brain. And that'd be where you find stored such things as empathy, compassion, an aversion to disemboweling puppies. Basically, this is what some of your more famous serial killers' brains look like.
DeWitt: You are quite certain of this?
Topher: Certain enough so that I have serious ethical problems with trying to wake him up.
Boyd: Topher has ethical problems… Topher!
Topher: Heh. Way to land it.

— Dollhouse

"Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartments doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn."

— Odafin Tutuola, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

"I ain't never killed a kid, and I ain't gonna start now."

— Mark Costa, The Mentalist, "Little Red Corvette"

"28 million dead?! Couldn't we just wound some of them?"

— Quark, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Business as Usual"

"There's a reason we don't call our chits in early: consumer confidence. This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity!"

— Crowley to a subordinate who's been circumventing the terms of deals, Supernatural

"I'm evil. That's just tacky."

— Crowley finds out that a minion's been running a sex slavery ring in his name, Supernatural

Omar: Man, don't get it twisted, I do some dirt too. But I ain't never put my gun on anybody who wasn't in the game.
Bunk: A man must have a code.
Omar: Oh, no doubt.

— The Wire

"Nigga kill motherfuckers just 'cause he can. Not 'cause they snitchin', not 'cause it's business, 'cause… this shit just come natural to him. I mean, Little Kevin is GONE! This nigga don't feel nuthin'. And all them motherfuckers in them row houses… nobody means a fucking thing to him! Fuck Marlo, man, fuck him! And anybody that thinks it's all right to do people this way!"

— Bodie, The Wire

"I'm not an animal. I mean, sure, I'll kidnap a woman and force her to marry me, but after that I'm all about a woman's rights. I'm a modern, 13th century man."

— King Richard, Galavant

Mike Donovan: I couldn't help myself. I couldn't, I just… please, you have to understand!

Dexter Morgan: Trust me, I definitely understand. [[Not So Different Remark See, I can't help myself, either. But children? I could never do that. Not like you. Never, ever kids.

Donovan: …why?

Dexter: I have standards.

— Dexter

Hey, man, Tupac was one of the biggest thugs I know and he always wore his seat belt.

— Ice Cube, Conan

"Well yeah, of course I'm upset, Seth! I mean, I'm the Prince of Darkness, but I'm not a monster!"

— The Devil (Jason Sudeikis), on learning about the Penn State scandal, Saturday Night Live

A man, once, he comes to my shop with a deer. He wants me to cut off the head for seven dollars. So I offer to butcher the animal: venison steak, sausage, rump roast. […] This man, this farshtinkener piece of shit, he's not interested in the meat. So I ask him how he come to kill this deer. And he tells me that his friend does the shootin', so that he can have the trophy: a head to hang on his wall. For this alone you kill? To brag to your friends how you've slain this beautiful animal?

—Manny Horvitz, Boardwalk Empire, "Two Boats And A Lifeguard"

"I'm sorry! Yes, okay, I had Huell lift your cigarette, but Walt made me! He told me he was helping you, he was saving you. I never would've agreed to it if I'd known what he was gonna do! Jesse you gotta believe me, I didn't want any of this!"

— Saul Goodman on Walter White poisoning a child, Breaking Bad

Saul Goodman: Have you given any thought to sending him out on a trip to Belize?
Walter White: Belize?
Saul: Yeah, Belize, you know, where Mike went to.
Walt: Saul, you'd better not be saying what I think you're saying. Hank is family!

—Breaking Bad

Dave Nelson: But you're evil!
Johnny Johnson: That's no excuse for poor sportsmanship.

—NewsRadio

Typically I have great admiration for well-executed revenge plots, but yours was a bit extreme... even for my high standards.

— Wednesday to Miss Thornhill, Wednesday

Chucky: Y'know, I have a queer kid.

Jake: You have a kid?

Chucky: Genderfluid.

Jake: ...And you-you're cool with it?

Chucky: I'm not a monster, Jake!

—Chucky

Music

''Yes, as through this world I've wandered
I've seen lots of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six-gun,
And some with a fountain pen.
And as through your life you travel,
Yes, as through your life you roam,
You won't never see an outlaw
Drive a family from their home.

Woody Guthrie, "Pretty Boy Floyd"

Then Voldemort greeted Vader with a fist pound;
they were checking out Mystique's ass next to Chris Brown.
[Record Needle Scratch]
CHRIS BROWN??? Somebody needs to throw that guy out of the club, seriously!

Your Favorite Martian, "Club Villian"

Pro Wrestling

"Hogan, you’ve dropped to new levels now. You're the lowest piece of life I've ever seen."

— Bobby Heenan after Hulk Hogan spray painted NWO on Miss Elizabeth's back

"You see, me and you know each other very well indeed, don't we? Let me give you people a little history lesson. Eleven years ago, me and you were a tag team in WCW. In fact, I was your mentor, wasn't I? Yes indeed, I was. What can I say? I mean, let's face facts. Some people, people like us, we're just born naughty. We are. That's why we gravitated towards each other. And if you would've used and abused anyone else instead of that poor dear boy, Eugene, I would've applauded your cunning. But for a clever man like yourself, it was very foolish to take advantage of a disadvantaged boy, because now you've made an enemy out of me! And if you want to fight, look no bloody further, because I will quite gladly now go and change into my ring attire, and I will join you back in that ring, and I will battle you with every ounce of violent venom that runs through my veins!!"

— William Regal to Triple H.

Tabletop Games

"I have seen planes leveled and all life rendered to dust. It brought no pleasure, even to a heart as dark as mine."

— Sorin Markov, Magic: The Gathering, "Day of Judgment" ^note Sorin Markov's actually more of an Anti-Villain, or even an Anti-Hero.

"Given free reign, the Destroyers would leave behind nothing; not life, nor art, nor glory. Only dust would remain. I am a soulless machine, yet even I feel pity for their victims."

— Szarekh, Last of the Silent Kings, Warhammer 40,000

"You" [PUNCH] "do not" [KICK] "steal from" [STAMP] "the temples of Shallya."

— A Talabheim thief, "explaining professional ethics to a colleague", Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay^*Technically this quote is from the Tome of Salvation splatbook

Theater

"I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none."

— Macbeth

Mortimer Brewster: Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve men down in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them.
Aunt Abby Brewster: Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib!

— Arsenic and Old Lace

Toys

"I fell a long way from the light, and I can never find my way back. But the darkness is not so complete that I can't recognize a monster when I see one."

— Brutaka to Teridax, BIONICLE "Into the Darkness"

Video Games

Charname: What is it you do for Isaea?
Barg: Pirating, of course. Oh, the others'll be all quiet about it, but I'm right proud. Keeps them merchants on their toes. Of course, that Isaea is into other things too, but me and the boys don't go in for slavery and such.

— Baldur's Gate II

While our human blood made both Gromnir and me outcasts in our own tribe, he was always different. He took to slaughter a little too eagerly. That I, of all people, say this should tell you something of Gromnir's depravity. He celebrated his victories in excessive and disgusting fashion — and bear in mind, I was told this by someone whose mouth was stuffed with raw pig fat at the time. The shamans didn't know what to do with him. Eventually, he was exiled.

— Dorn Il-Khan, Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition, on Gromnir Il-Khan

"Gordon's daughter got grabbed? I hate that pig as much as the next guy but that ain't right."

— A Thug in response to Barbara Gordon's kidnapping, Batman: Arkham Knight

Garrosh Hellscream: What you have done here, Sylvanas… it goes against the laws of nature. Disgusting is the only word I have to describe it.
Sylvanas Windrunner: Warchief! Without these new Forsaken, our people would die out. Our hold upon Gilneas and Northern Lordaeron would crumble!
Garrosh: Have you given any thought to what this means, Sylvanas? What difference is there between you and the Lich King now?
Sylvanas: Isn't it obvious, Warchief? I serve the Horde.
Garrosh: Watch your clever mouth, bitch.

— World of Warcraft

Chuck Greene: And TK looting the city? What, that's not about money?!
Raymond Sullivan: He went off the rails. He was well paid for his part. Then he just got greedy. His work, not ours.

— Dead Rising 2

"The other Princes don't like him that much. I mean, even Malacath is more popular at parties, and Malacath^note God of Outcasts and the ugly is not popular at parties."

— Sheogorath describing Jyggaleg, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Michael: Did you kill him?
Trevor: What kind of fuckin' animal do you take me for? No, I didn't kill him!.....but I did kidnap his wife!

— Grand Theft Auto V

"There's gotta be a limit, kid. Y'know, a point where even assholes like us say, "Enough is e-fuckin'-nough.""

— Michael, Grand Theft Auto V

Pagan Min: I'm sorry for your ennui, but let me ease him into this, Yuma. You're about to mind fuck the poor boy. Perhaps a little sugar on your shit sandwich?
Yuma Lau: Whatever. You've seen him, he's still breathing. Now, go away, I've got work to do.
Pagan: Fine, fine, fine, but I want him alive, with all the bits that count intact. One last thing. (to Ajay) Now, Ajay, I know this is hard, but consider this Tough Love, prison love! After all, you have a suite with a spectacular view! Oh, and one final piece of advice. I wouldn't sleep too close to the edge.

— Far Cry 4

Teisel Bonne: Listen up everyone! I want you to take everything that isn't nailed down, you hear me?! I mean everything! I don't want there to even be a toothpick left, got it?!
Servbot 1: Master Teisel, we've taken all the food and supplies and loaded them onto the ship!
Servbot 2: What should we do with the toilet paper?
Teisel Bonne: We may be pirates, but we're not barbarians. We'll let them keep the toilet paper.

— The Bonnes' raid on Saul Kada village, Mega Man Legends 2

"This is messed up. I'm all for being evil, but this is just overkill."

— Bowser, after seeing what's left of Sammer's Kingdom after being consumed by The Void, Super Paper Mario

"I wouldn't even do that. And I've done some mean stuff, believe me! Ask Kamek!"

— Bowser about Olly's plan to commit genocide on all the Toads, Paper Mario: The Origami King

"That is some (bleep)ed-up (bleep), man!"

— Strong Bad in response to The Heavy's "funniest thing", Poker Night at the Inventory

Sonic: I can't figure you out. One second you're contemplating genocide, and the next you're saving one of your worst enemies!
Dr. Eggman: I'm a complicated guy.

— Sonic Lost World^note It's heavily implied that Eggman saves Tails so that his plan to backstab them later goes off without a hitch.

Gorilla Grodd: Humans must disgust you.
Superman: Those who harm them do.
Gorilla Grodd: How do you not see the irony?!

Darkseid: I may scheme, worm, but I never cheat.
Hellboy: And you're telling me this why?
Darkseid: So you know that your death comes fairly.

Poison Ivy: You've got bad karma all over you.
Reverse-Flash: I have racked up an impressive kill count.
Poison Ivy: Even I have boundaries.

— Injustice 2

Going after the Regime was one thing, but destroy the planet for Brainiac? You really thought I'd go through with it, Grodd? Really?! [BLEEP] YOU!

— Captain Cold during his Ladder Ending, Injustice 2

"We are not committing war crimes."

— Light Side Imperial Player Character, Star Wars: The Old Republic

Malavai Quinn: Broonmark, Baras has no quarrel with you. Join us, and he will welcome you to the fold.
Broonmark: You insult us. We do not betray. Our vow is forever. Our vow is always.

— Star Wars: The Old Republic

Killer the Butcher: It's a good day! Gizzar! Bring me wine! We drink to the Emperor of Vega!
Gizzar: Gyoy, Butcher!
Killer: Bareta, prepare me a new Mechaboost!
Bareta: Gyoy, Butcher.
Butcher: All belongs to Gaizock. To me, Killer the Butcher. Hoh hoh hoh! Resist me with all your might, earthlings! Hoh hoh hoh hoh! Mwohohohohohoho!
Gandal: (Emperor Vega, this man... he's too dangerous...)
Emperor Vega: (Mm. Yes, we may have signed a deal with the devil.)
Butcher: Hoh hohohoho! Bwohohohohohohohohohoho!

— Super Robot Wars Z

"Nothing stokes my ire like a cheater. Deception, duplicity, murder — these are merely tools in a toolbox one can use to ensure a job done well. But cheating? I cannot even wrap my head around the point of it. Wouldn't you know you had cheated? How on Earth could you maintain crisp certainty of your superiority to all others? And if you're unable to do that, what's the point of anything?"

— The Administrator, Team Fortress 2's Official Blog

"I'm not a "crazed gunman," Dad, I'm an assassin! …Well the difference bein' one is a job and the other's mental sickness!"

— The Sniper on the phone with his parents, Team Fortress 2: "Meet the Sniper"

"Feelings? Look, mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes what bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

—The Sniper, Team Fortress 2: Meet the Sniper

"I may dwell in the dark, but I refuse to be judged by your standards, traitor! I hope your "friends" give you what's coming to you."

— Skull Face to Huey Emmerich, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

"You've lost your mind."

— Monsoon to Raiden's Jack the Ripper Persona, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

"You and I are not the same, are we? This SOUL resonates with a strange feeling. There is a reason you continue to recreate this world. There is a reason you continue to destroy it. You. You are wracked with a perverted sentimentality. Hmm. I cannot understand these feelings any more. Despite this. I feel obligated to suggest. Should you choose to create this world once more. Another path would be better suited."

— Undertale, The Fallen Child, at the end of your second No Mercy run

"Right. That's it. I had my fun, Jack, so I shall leave you with this one final piece of wisdom that your plasticine face will surely ignore: Kill yourself. Darling, I'm evil. Let's not kid ourselves, but you. You're just something else entirely. You're far better off opening the throat beneath that ludicrously soul-patched face than suffer the bloody karma that I imagine the universe has in store for you. And with that, I shall bid you adieu. Additionally, your breath smells like farts."

— Lady Aurelia Hammerlock to Handsome Jack, Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!

"I may be the Team Skull boss, and I've never been scared of nothing or nobody, but… that lady… she's on another level! She's way far gone! She lost her mind over these Ultra Beasts. There's no talking to her, no reasoning with her… She's just gone…"

— Guzma, concerning Lusamine, Pokémon Sun and Moon

D'Vorah: Kano.
Kano: Hello, my lovely.
D'Vorah: You repulse us, hideous one.

Shinnok: You offend me, creature.
Ferra: We 'fend, then rend!
Shinnok: The Khan will thank me for this.

—Match Intro dialogue from Mortal Kombat X.

Goda: I gotta sympathize with ya... Puttin' up with this chump's games.
*Goda slices Sengoku open with his katana*
Sengoku: Y-You crazy fuck!
Goda: Naw, just a man willin' to do what it takes, same as you. But takin' a kid hostage? That's pretty low.

— Yakuza 2

"I can't believe you went in there, now wash your hands, you filthy bear!"

—Gruntilda after Pumpkin Banjo goes down Cloggo to get a Jiggy, Banjo-Kazooie

This is the most modern of the creatures, using a means of execution far too scientific to have ever taken place during my time: the people of modern times call it "lethal injection." Even I find this perversion of medical science upsetting, because it is so extremely cold and calculated. My own patients may not have had a terribly high survival rate, but my experimental work was done in the name of science. My patients' deaths were not because I perverted medicine with the express intent of snuffing out their lives.

—Dr Killjoy, The Suffering

Ghost: They were chanting in an archaic form, about a priest — Nokris — and how he was labeled a heretic.

Zavala: What could possibly qualify as heretical for the Hive?

—Destiny 2

Vlad, smashing malls is one thing. Stealing tiaras is one thing. But NUKES?!

—Bain, PAYDAY 2

"Miss, it's okay. You're safe now. We're bad men, but... we ain't them."

— Arthur Morgan to Sadie Adler on the O'Driscoll gang, Red Dead Redemption II

Kollector: There is no profit in what you do.
The Joker: It's not about profit, it's about fun.
Kollector: There is no fun either.

— Mortal Kombat 11, match intro

Duvalie: You seem to have greatly misconstrued my reason for being here. The mission assigned to me was to watch this fortress fall. No one ever said anything about protecting you.
Duke Albarea: What...? Watch this fortress fall?! You thought to abandon me the moment you arrived?!
Duvalie: Very much so. Those were Duke Cayenne and Lord Rufus' orders, you see. Besides, my lord would never forgive the odious crimes you have committed… and quite frankly, neither can I. You should be weeping with gratitude I haven't taken my sword to you myself.

— The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel II

Request: "I saw this little boy today… I need to know who he is…"
Response: "Readers, the person who made this request is no longer breathing."

— Welcome to the Game

"Your nocturnal perseverance has earned you a hidden gaming tip: GO TO BED!"

— The Mentor, Dungeon Keeper

Sub-Zero: I helped you, but I've earned no respect.
General Shao: Because there's nothing lower than a traitor.

— Mortal Kombat 1

"Look, I built that machine to control minds, but even I didn't plan on blowing up the universe! Do you know how many ghosts that would've resulted in? Yikes!"

— Vlad Plasmius in a post-game interaction on Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2

"I had collected many rare and elusive volumes on ancient herbal properties and was set to enjoy several weeks immersed in comfortable study. My work was interrupted, however, by a singularly striking young woman who insisted on repeated calls to the house. Her knowledge of horticulturalism and its role in various arcane practices impressed me greatly. My licentious impulse gave way to a genuine professional respect, and together, we began to plant, harvest, and brew. As time wore on, her wild policy of self-experimentation grew intolerable. She quaffed all manner of strange fungi, herbs, and concoctions, intent on gaining some insight into the horror we both knew to be growing beneath us. The change in her was appalling, and no longer able to stomach it, I sent her to live in the weald, where her wildness would be welcomed."

—The Ancestor, Darkest Dungeon

Visual Novels

Miles Edgeworth: You said repeatedly during your testimony that you despise traitors above all else. But what if the traitor was your own client? What would you do then?

Shelly de Killer: That's easy. I would break our contract immediately. And then...that client would become my next target. For the honor of the de Killer name, even if it takes an eternity… I would follow that person to the ends of the earth to exact my punishment.

— Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Justice For All

Nash Skulkin: Name's Nash Skulkin! Occupation is…professional baddie.
Ringo Skulkin: Name's Ringo Skulkin! But we ain't baddies enough to sell out our muvverland!

—The Great Ace Attorney

"Ugly. Aah, how ugly is a woman drowning in lust...! This is this woman's true nature!! Even I, as a witch who has explored the depths of evil, find this most difficult to watch!!"

— Beatrice as Rosa Ushiromiya verbally attacks her own daughter, Umineko: When They Cry

"Kyeeha—! No, even I can't laugh at that."

— Genocide Jack when the mastermind reveals the Awful Truth of the Deadly Game the high school students are forced to play, Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc

Web Animation

"I gotta tell you, I'm a evil supervillain hellbent on destroying the world, but this is pret-ty fucked up."

— Dr. Havoc, to Super Jamal, Dr. Havoc's Diary, "Black Superhero"

Guy Chapman: Herbie... I have killed six men in my service to the regent. Two of them with my teeth. I recently injected contraband heroin into my system, just to simulate the thrill of Vampire blood. It didn't even compare.
Kevin: You being freaky will not convince me!
Guy Chapman: Oh, I don't think you understand, I am a freak. I will kill again. And I will literally blow up the Constabulary for even the smallest possible pint of vitae. If you don't give me what I want, I might just try to take it. And if I try to take it, you'll both probably kill me. So you'll have my blood on your hands! And frankly, I'm so desperate for a fix, I don't really give a fuck!
Kevin: Ww—- uhghg... WHY? Why would you want to do anything of the sort when you're SO CLOSE to being able to just sever it?
Guy Chapman: 'Cause I'm a helpless addict and I like being a ghoul. It's a nice deal! I can lift my kids above me shoulders no matter how old they get. I'm gonna still be doing it when they're 30, is my goal. I just need to get a better master, that's all.
Kevin: You have kids? That is fucking TERRIBLE. Let me spell it out for you. Blood bonds are SLA.VE.RY. SLAVERY!
Guy Chapman: In this case, it's more like indentured servitude?
Kevin: OK, WOW, HOW MARGINALLY BETTER IS THAT
Guy Chapman: Well, I'm already a public servant so I guess I'm just used to it.
Big D: Kevin! The man is offering his services to us. His loyalty lies with the highest bidder. And you are a far better source of vitae than that hateful Regent.
Kevin: It's... it's immoral!
Big D: W— You were in the Sabbat!
Kevin: FUCK!! I have LINES I DO NOT CROSS, that I drew WITH MY OWN FREE WILL, YOU FUCKING RIVER TROLL!!!

— Hunter: The Parenting, "Big-D's "Guide" to Avoiding Arrest - Hunter: The Parenting Audiologs"

Sienna: Adam. I’m not going to repeat myself, so I want you to listen when I tell you that the White Fang will not attack Haven Academy.
Adam: High Leader Khan, I am begging you.
Sienna: You should beg for forgiveness and nothing else! The assault you led on Beacon was not the great victory you clearly think it was, and you should be more grateful your punishment was not more severe. You are a symbol for many in our organization, but that doesn’t make you infallible.
Adam: I was merely trying to follow your example, High Leader.
Sienna: And what example might that be?
Adam: Strength. Strength and unwavering conviction. The humans have seen that strength now.
Sienna: I was one of the first to suggest violence where violence was necessary. Peace bred complacency and acceptance of our place in the world. I will not allow humanity to push us down without pushing them back. But the destruction of the Huntsman Academies crosses a line! The loss of the CCT has brought global communication to a crawl! And the White Fang is more of a target now than ever before! You have justified humanity’s campaign against us, and for what?! Empty promises from a group of humans? Humans we still know nothing about, and come and go as they please! These are not examples of strength, Adam. They are examples of your talents being diminished by shortsightedness!

— RWBY, "Dread in the Air"

Hazel: When were you planning on telling me about that?
Adam: This was my business, not yours.
Hazel: It's our business now, and I don't appreciate you withholding things like that.
Adam: Your master was concerned with Sienna's willingness to cooperate. (With a smile on his face) Now she doesn't have to be.
Hazel: Nobody needed to die today.
Adam: I... disagree.

— RWBY, "Dread in the Air"

Tyler: You're a good fucking shot man! How the hell do you pull off that kind of shit?
Colin: I don't know, it's kind of like playing pool I guess. I'm just able to do the math in my head quickly and accurately enough.
Eugene: Pity you can't do it to work out that if you keep giving in to those sick little impulses of yours much longer, chances are you'll land your ass in some piping hot water.
Colin: Again with this? Just forget about it, it was nothing. I was screwing around.
Eugene: It was fucking creepy man, that's what it was. I realize our clan's primary objective is to take flying leaps over every line of decency we come across, but somewhere far, far along the way, we've gotta draw our own, yeah? You gotta keep that shit under control.

— Arby 'n' the Chief, Season 7 Episode 2

Lucius the Eternal: WHAT THE UNHOLY LORDY-LOO?!
Ahriman: WHAT IN TZEENCH'S BLUE BALLS IS THAT?!
[...]
Lucius the Eternal: Oookay. We need to talk about this shit you're doing, Bob. It's getting out of hand.

— If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device, "The Slaneeshmas Special" (reacting to Fabius Bile's "Ahriman 2.0" clone)

The Emperor: I like this Kryptman man.

Rogal Dorn: You should not. He committed the largest genocide in Imperial history in his attempts to repel the Tyranids. He was exiled from the Inquisition for being. Too. Cruel.

—If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device

I mean come on! I may be evil, but I’m not Super League evil!

—Sergio Ramos, The Champions

"Hi, uh, 911? I know you're not gonna believe this, but uh, I'm Satan, and I saw some fucked up shit."

—Demon from Spill's review of Paranormal Activity

Dingo: Sonic won't let me get to my Sonia! When I'm ruler of the multiverse, I'll get all the girl that I want, and Sonia will be my queen!
Eggman: Wait a minute. That's Sonic's biological sister in your universe, right? Isn't she, like… what, sixteen? How old even are you, anyways?
Dingo: I, um, uh… I'm not sure.
(Every other villain listening in audibly expresses disgust)

— Sonic Villains: "Ask the Eggman Empire" Q&A

T.J. Watt: I get it, mom. I'll never be as good as J.J.
James Harrison: Well that's your first problem: trying to be good. Start trying to be bad. We're the Steelers, and we're nasty.
T.J. Watt: Nasty? OK, like Big Ben or-
James Harrison: No no no no no. Not like that.

— Gridiron Heights, Gridiron Heights, Season 2, Ep. 3: Being J.J. Watt’s Brother Must Really Suck

"And suddenly, I'm at the entrance to the Champion. The trainer who's been known to crush dreams in a single battle and many still fear to this day... I took a deep breath. Things are going surprisingly well. And I don't know how to feel about it. But I looked up... And there she was. At this moment, I have only one last objective: Defeat Cynthia. She leads with Spiritomb, which has no weaknesses, so I sent out Turt to hit it as hard as possible. Flakes takes out her Togekiss, and then... her Garchomp comes out. This is known to be one of the toughest boss Pokémon in the entire franchise, and rightfully so! That thing was made by Satan himself, and I'm sure even HE fears what he has created!"

— JaidenAnimations, "I Attempted a Pokémon Platinum Nuzlocke"

The High Evolutionary: So I grabbed the raccoon, and then all the Guardians died when I blew the planet up. (chuckle) Now I'm able to do my experiments on animals and children in peace.
(barring Emperor Palpatine, every other movie villain in the bar boos in response)
Lord Voldemort: I mean, I hate children, but you're kind of the worst.
The High Evolutionary: What are you talking about? I thought you'd love me! Did you not celebrate Thanos' genocidal motives?
Thanos: Mine was random, dispassionate, pure. You just suck.
General Zod: (sends the High Evolutionary flying through the window) That was for Groot!

— How It Should Have Ended, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

Akamatsu: What are you doing!?
Hiiragi: If we keep driving it'll turn into a kidnapping!
Akamatsu: We can just give her back after we steal the car, right!?
Hiiragi: It's still kidnapping!

— This episode of Etra chan saw it!

Webcomics

White Mage: You... sacrificed... children. For power?
Black Mage: Of course. If I'd sacrificed them for no reason I'd be a sicko or something.

— 8-Bit Theater

"That's messed up, Sarda."

— Black Mage, 8-Bit Theater

"Wow... there's a level of pointless violence that offends even me when it's crossed. Live and learn, I guess…"

— Magus, Captain SNES: The Game Masta

Saul: Proper villains know offing is fine, rape is not.
Munsch: We must have our moral standards or else we are no better than the rest of the rabble.

— Ice

"We're doctors in the field of robotics. Arson is a little beneath us, don't you think?"

— Dr. Wily, Two Evil Scientists

"I have few principles, but I stick to them."

— Black Hat Guy, xkcd

Professor Pau: You don't think I'd hang people from the ceiling, bloat them with chemicals, harvest their blistered hides, and then leave them miserable, do you?
Ennesby: Sorry. Our bad. We'll get your sainthood application processed right away.

— Schlock Mercenary

"Tch! He looked so pitiful! It was like I was bullying him! That isn't the kind of evil that I want to commit!"

— Garo, One-Punch Man

Zeetha: That's your line in the sand, is it?
Bang: Mind control? It sure is. Listen - Some idiot wants to pick a fight? Run around doing stuff that makes the Empire have to send me out to shut 'em down? Fine. That's someone who's made their choice. It's a stupid, suicidal choice, but it's theirs. But somebody under mind control? Where it's not their idea - not their choice? That just -
Zeetha: Takes all the fun out of it?
Bang: Ha! Yeah! And anybody who takes the fun out of a good fight and makes it a chore - they've gotta die.

— Girl Genius, Vol. 21 p. 81

Web Original

"Oh she would've been the first one! 'Lets go!' [Harvey Weinstein] would've been like 'wait a minute... what? I gotta do some... gotta do some rapey shit first. There's a protocol to this'."

— Korey Coleman on Jo Marney, Double Toasted

OFFICER! HELP! THERE'S A BUNCH OF KIDS RUNNING A TRAIN ON A YOUNG GIRL DOWN HERE! OH SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY THE FAT ONE'S TAKING HIS PANTS OFF NOW, YA GOTTA HELP ME OFFICER, I'M AN INTERDIMENSIONAL COSMIC HORROR NOT AN INTERDIMENSIONAL COSMIC NONCE, GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE

— Pennywise the Dancing Clown in regards to Chapter 22, iFunny.co

"Oh, don't worry about Jeff the Killer, he'll be nice to the little girl, it's not like he's an irredeemable monster or anything!"

— Jacob of BAD CREEPYPASTA, pointing out a particularly stupid use of this trope in How Jeff Killed Christmas ^note Keep in mind, Jeff just murdered the little girl's parents

"The leprechaun that tells me to start fires said this guy is nuts."

— Diogenes, Fark.com

Richard Sherman: WHEN YOU MATCH ME UP AGAINST A SORRY RECEIVER LIKE MICHAEL CRABTREE, IMMA WHIP HIS ASS ON NATIONAL TV AND THEN CALL HIM NAMES WHILE HIS MAMA WATCHES!
Darth Vader: BOOOOO!
Lord Voldemort: HISSSSSS!
Bill Belichick: HE’S SO EVIL!

— NFL Quarterbacks on Facebook

"Y'know, I might kill for no reason other than someone's in killing distance, but at least I'm not a Nazi."

— SF Debris impersonating Hirogen while reviewing Star Trek: Voyager, "The Killing Game Pt.1"

"Even to other vampires, Divia is evil like whoa. LaCroix is messing his pants over this one… She frames LaCroix for a murder just to dick with him, which is rude considering all of the real murders he's committed. Divia was created by one of the first of their kind: she killed him and entombed him for trying to control her. LaCroix saw an evil in her that frightened even him. So he decapitated and entombed her. It's supremely creepy when she starts hitting on her dad. I guess incest was the final straw for him."

— Allison Pregler on Forever Knight

231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.

— Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG ^note This isn't really an example, as Mr. Welch was Cherry Tapping said Sith Lord from just outside of the range where he could effectively retaliate. But it's a good quote!

"Even I'm not that crazy."

— Bonesaw on attempting to clone the Endbringers, Worm

"But the real secret of The Newsroom finale was that Sorkin finally pulled off a trick that the rest of TV has been using for years — make your hero look better, and more relatable, by pitting him against some terrible dudes. SAMCRO murdered people and ran guns, but at least they weren’t Nazis. Walter White was a meth kingpin who murdered people, but at least he wasn’t a Nazi. Raylan Givens shoots people wantonly and can be quite cruel, but at least he doesn’t run a gang of Nazis. (Maybe we should get past the whole Nazi thing.)"

— Grantland, The Newsroom Finale

"Now, I'll admit that the [Red] Brotherhood doesn't play nice. Hell, by the standards that the vast majority of the populace subscribes to, we're evil as hell. BUT, we have the long-term good of the human race at heart. Selling kids to the Pit does NOT serve the greater good in any way, shape or form. There is shit even WE don't put up with, and the Grand Hall [of Sinister Wisdom, a cabal of Infernalist wizards] is a textbook example of what we don't put up with."

— Mephisto the Mentalist, Whateley Universe, explaining why he created a fake 'satanic panic' in order to flush out a real plot to use fake adoptions to get children so they could be sacrificed to demonic forces

"[A]t one point, Our Hero, the tyrannical king of France, is negotiating a pair of arranged marriages that will greatly strengthen his position and that of the nation. Their mother protests, but he ignores her complaints... until she makes clear that her issue is that her daughters just don't fancy the guys the king has lined up for them, at which point he folds. Because sure, he's a brutal tyrant (Commynes himself is locked in an iron box for a couple of years), and sure, he's desperate for these marriages to happen in order to, in effect, steal their mother's kingdom, but come on, he's not forced marriage bad. He'll occasionally burn random peasants alive in their houses, but he'd never think of putting a woman at the mercy of a man she's not interested in!"

—Salmoneus, "Tiffany Problems", Zompist Bboard Again

"I may be a Super Villain, but I'd never make an intern work without pay. That's just evil."

—Doctor Doomsday, "Hero Worship"

"I'd be tempted to call the artist a Nazi at this point, but I seriously don't think the Nazis believe any of the above. I think this guy is part of some Aryan splinter-group that is even considered crazy by the Nazis."

—Cracked on Billy the Heretic

Web Videos

"Hey, Norman Bates called, he said you're really kind of a weirdo!"

— Linkara on the protagonist of a Lady Gaga comic, Atop the Fourth Wall

Who slaps a mom that just gave birth? Even the most evil of villains would say "Woah, chill out!"

— A comment on a Youtube video

B.O.B: And I am supposed to be the half-demon here!

— Aventures

"That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen, and I'm a Death God!"

— Ryuk, Death Note Abridged (Dogface701)

Vegeta: …alright, well what about the small one? Is it because he's purple?
Thirteen: Okay, racist, if you must know… (Fifteen is seen swigging from a liquor bottle) it's cuz he's got a drinking problem.
Fifteen: Hey, it's only a problem when I run out!
Thirteen: (despondent) We don't like to talk about it.

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged, Super Android 13, after Thirteen explains why Dr. Gero just now resorted to using him, #14, and #15, in spite of their "defects".

"When the light shines upon my crimes, you find it sick, appalling!"

— Jack the Ripper to Hannibal Lecter, Epic Rap Battles of History

Hannibal Lecter: You tried to ruin Santa Claus, Neil. That is a line no one should cross.
Neil Miller: I know what you eat.
Hannibal Lecter: I don't eat their dreams!

— Studio C, "An Evil Dinner Party"

"Tell your author for his next gangbang scene,
How 'bout a little more PG, and a LOT less 13?
Even I wouldn't stoop to that kind of impropriety!
This is Earth, you space demon! We live in a society!"

— The Joker to Pennywise the Dancing Clown, Epic Rap Battles of History

"Count Olaf": Is it just me, or is it melting in here?
Somebody toss me water
After all, I’m still parched-
{turns back into Loki}
Loki: -From thirsting over my foster daughter
Count Olaf: What? No!

— Freshy Kanal, Loki vs Count Olaf

Maxwell: And when we have purged England of all its demons and heathens, WE. WILL—
Judd Forrest (an actual Klansman): Round up all those dirty ni—
Maxwell: (highly pissed off) OKAY, YOU NEED TO CHILL.

— Hellsing Ultimate Abridged, Episode 6, as Enrico Maxwell announces his plans to launch "the 9th Crusade" and forcibly oust Pope Francis and install himself as Pope, ushering in a more fundamentalist regime for the papacy

"C'mon now, mate. Gotta have standards! I know we're shootin' and rapin', but necrophilia's a step too far."

— Sigmund, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

"My God! What is this guy? First the sandwiches, and now laughing evilly while he's off to have an affair!? Even Darth Vader would be like "Dude, you are a fucking ass!""

— The Nostalgia Critic to a Jerkass adulterer in The Tommyknockers

"Christ, this is too awkward, even for me. AND I'M SHYAMALAN!"

—M. Night Shyamalan, referring to the "Sandlerizing" present in The Nostalgia Critic's reenacted review of Pixels

Jay: But I suppose there is good to JBL's bullying: After a guy — possibly Duke Droese or Brian Christopher — gloated about date-raping a girl, JBL stripped him naked and threatened to rape him until he cried.
OOC: That's...that's o.k.? It's not gonna make up for the fact that he legitimately raped or molested other wrestlers.

— OSW Review on ECW One Night Stand 2006, Ep. 39

''"There was a scene filmed for this movie where Jason kicks Toby to death but it was cut because according to Kane Hodder, there's some things even Jason wouldn't do. I love it. That's Jason Voorhees: card-carrying member of PETA.

— The Spoony One on Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Enchantress: Busy Weekend! Totally cursed a prince who had no love in his heart. That'll teach him to not be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within ;)
Maleficent: Wow congratulations, you fucked up an 11-year-old kid's life for no real reason.
Enchantress: What? I was totally motivated! The little brat wouldn't let me inside. Did I mention that it was raining? Like, it was REALLY coming down.
Ursula: Wow, a child wouldn't let a complete stranger inside their castle. No yeah, HE'S definitely the bad guy.
Enchantress: I'm not sure why you're giving ME shit. You villains are constantly ruining teenagers lives!
Ursula: Hey, I stole a voice sister. You stole ten years from that boy's life. No wonder he doesn't know how to eat soup out of a bowl...
Maleficent: And what about all those innocent bystanders you turned into coat hangers and shit?
Enchantress: Are you talking about the butlers and the cooks? They enabled him!
Maleficent: They were employed by him! What else were they supposed to do?
Belle: She also turned a seven year old into a teacup.
*Beat*
Ursula: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

— The Warp Zone

Wario: C'mon, we're not gonna hurt you [Bowser Jr.].
Waluigi: It's not like we plan on stabbing your eyes out with sharpened candy canes until all you can do is bleed mint.
Wario: Wait, d-did you actually plan on doing that? I've gotta say, I'm a little worried for your sanity.

— StacheBros, "Home Alone"

Princess: Oh yeah I lied. The base isn't on there.

Dread Lord Sinister: What?! You were just going to let me blow up 4 billion Alarans?! That's cold. No seriously. Even I think that's cold and I'm gonna go kill that shitty gunner now. Painfully. In front of his friends. I mean damn you're nasty.

Troopers, "Space Improv"

Cultivate a culture based on cults of ancient scum!
Culminated by an author who was basically a cunt!
You're not the first idea that he had that was appalling,
A sexist and racist, he put a new meaning to catcalling!

—The Kraken to Cthulhu, Freshy Kanal

Reverse-Flash: Barry Allen. What would you do if I told you that, in one universe, you're just as big a menace as I am?
The Flash: You'd be lying. That would never happen, Thawne.
Reverse-Flash: Well, you should buckle up, Flash. Because I'm about to tell you about the story of Ezra Miller. Tell me, what's one of the most peaceful islands on this Earth you can think of?
The Flash: What does this have to do with anythi- [Eobard kicks him]
Reverse-Flash: Think, Barry.
The Flash: Hawaii.
Reverse-Flash: Imagine taking a vacation to that beautiful island, only to get arrested over and over for committing multiple crimes among the islanders. Splitting a woman's head open with a thrown chair. Breaking into a family's home and threatening to slaughter them after stealing from them. Attacking a man while he was playing darts in a bar. Lunging at a woman in that same bar during karaoke, while she was singing Lady Gaga. Hell, the guy even got arrested while he was wearing the Flash ring. He even told the officer that referring to him as "sir" was a hate crime.
The Flash: Thawne. Nearly everything you've said so far sounds like some shit you'd be responsible for.
Reverse-Flash: Here's the funny part, Barry. You did all that shit. I just sat back and watched in disbelief.

— "It Was YOU, Barry *Ezra Miller*"

All For One: Are you going to join the League of Evil or not?
Perfect Cell: I appreciate the offer, but the answer is still no. What do you need me for, anyway?
All For One: I need your Instant Transmission ability for the most evil, unforgiving, diabolical plan in human history.
Kermit: Oh my God, you’re gonna ban anime titties.
All For One: I said evil. Not insane.
Perfect Cell: Yeah, Kermit. Everybody loves anime titties.
Kermit: Right, right.

—DevilArtemis

Belos: Excuse me, madam, but do you know where I could find a soulless husk around here?
Odalia: ... Me?
Belos: I'm talking, like, super heartless husk here.
Odalia: ... Me?
Belos: No, I was talking— Hmm... Well, actually... Hmm... Oh, you're close. You're very close. Like... Wow, you're quite the sack of sh*t.

— The Owl House Abridged (Tomotasauce), "The Collector's Stupid Puppet"

Eggman: Next, I'll make treatment impossible to access by ensuring the hospitals are understaffed. And I'll do this by limiting the number of people who are even allowed to become doctors! Oh ho ho ho ho ho—!
Shadow: They do that, too.
Eggman: What? Nah, there's no way.
Shadow: Do you remember having to do a residency to become a doctor?
Eggman: Well, I'm not a medical doctor, exactly, I have a PhD in Women's Studies…
Shadow: Women's Studies?
Eggman: Being an evil dictator doesn't exclude me from being a feminist, Shadow!
Shadow: Right… well. You have to complete a residency at a hospital to become a physician. But the funds for hiring residents are provided by the U.S. government. So the number of available residency programs (thus doctors) is decided by Congress' budget.
Eggman: So not only did they already do my evil thing… they did it in a more sinister and subtle way.
Shadow: Basically.
Eggman: I’m not sure if I should be proud of my country or disgusted by it.
Shadow: Maybe both.

— "Eggman Takes Over the US Healthcare System" by Jehtt

PEPPINO, YOU'RE MINE!
YOU'VE WASTED FAR TOO MUCH TIME
FOR A SIMPLE JOG TO THE EXIT DOOR
WAIT, HANG ON, HAVEN'T WE DONE THIS BEFORE?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW!
I'M FEELING EVEN STRONGER, BUT HOW?
IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD IS REWRITTEN TO BE—
OH, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME…
DID YOU MOD THE ENTIRE GAME
JUST TO UP YOUR CHANCE TO WIND UP MAIMED?
I DON'T GET YOU, MAN! WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT ABOUT GUSTAVO, BRICK, STICK AND JOHN?
DO YOU EVEN HAVE A SINGLE TIE LEFT
TO ANYTHING ELSE BUT CHEATING DEATH?
THAT ITTY-BITTY OUNCE OF CONCERN ASIDE…
IF IT'S DEATH YOU WANT, I'M GLAD TO PROVIDE!

— Pizza Face, "Pillar John's Revenge WITH LYRICS" by RecD

"I'M AN ASSHOLE! I'M A NO-GOOD PIECE OF SHIT! BUT I LOVE MY GODDAMN KIDS! I WOULDN'T HURT 'EM!"

—The Angry Grandpa on Casey Anthony

Western Animation

Nurse Bundt Cake: She [Princess Bubblegum] is thirteen years old now.
The Ice King: Aw, dang it! Well, I'm out of here. Good-bye everyone.

— Adventure Time, "Episode 26, Mortal Recoil"

"Stan, these people are monsters. You know what my country has done, and I'm disgusted."

— Klaus after hearing why Francine's parents had to give her up, American Dad!

"Grandfather may be evil, which I admire, but he's also a jerk!"

— Father, Codename: Kids Next Door: Operation: Z.E.R.O.

"Manny, I have done great evil in my life! But putting your own father in danger? That's worse than evil!"

— Granpapi Rivera to Manny Rivera, El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera

(Peter and Lois are pretending to be teenagers on a bet to see if their kids can handle the adult life, they are currently waiting for dinner, which is being prepared by their daughter Meg.)

Peter: Hey, mom! Where the hell's dinner?! I'm starving!

Lois: Aw, man, can you IMAGINE the disaster she's gonna walk out here with?! She has no idea how hard it is to cook!

Peter: I bet she comes out with, like, a poop on a plate, right?

Lois: Poop on a plate would be good because at least there'd be traces of my food still in there!

Peter: Ohh, snap! Snap! Snap!

Stewie: Hey, guys? Give her a fucking chance, alright?!

—Family Guy, "Trading Places"'

Robot Devil: I rather think we could strike a deal, Bender. I shall give you your army of the damned and in return I ask just one thing, just one itty-bitty thing... your firstborn son! (Evil Laugh)
Bender: Just a sec.
(cut to)
Bender's Son: Daddy! I knew you'd come back!
(back to Robot Hell)
Bender: Here ya go! (punts his son through a window and into a vat of fire)
Robot Devil: (somewhere between aghast and impressed) WOW. That was pretty brutal, even by my standards!
Bender: No backsies!

— Futurama

"I thought I made it clear the first time this came up. I don't want him in Hell! It's not fair to my other guests."

— The Devil on Richard Nixon, God, the Devil and Bob, "God's Girlfriend"

Lute: Rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass!

Adam: Would you just-ju-chill, Lute. Fuck.

— Hazbin Hotel, "The Show Must Go On"

Rex III: But grandfather, it was his pet.^note After saving Abner from being eaten by the Redcoats.

Rex Smythe Higgins: What on Earth difference does that make?! You eat pork chops, don't you?

Rex III: Yes, but... not ones I know personally.

— Hey Arnold!, "The Pig War"

"No offense, but your family is really creeping me out. And I'm a haunted doll who eats children."

— Possessed Patty, The Great North, Season 3 "Blood Actually Adventure"

Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words — jejune though they were — did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honour of the season.
The Flash: Seriously?
Ultra-Humanite: You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.
The Flash: ...It's not gonna blow up or anything?
Ultra-Humanite: Flash. It is Christmas.

— Justice League, "Comfort and Joy"

K.O.: Wait... Are you gonna cook and eat us!?
Lord Boxman: Please. I'm a villain, not a monster.

—OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes

"Look Vanessa, there's good evil and there's bad evil."

— Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

"I stole this accordion from a blind monkey! But YOU! You disgust even me!"

— A French drifter after Homer Simpson bails on his father when asked to donate a kidney, The Simpsons

"You just don't shoot a guy in the dick!"

— Eric Cartman, South Park

"You people are fucking insane!"

— Terrorist leader after Pioneer Paul shoots a co-worker dead for breaking character, South Park

"I may be a bully! But I am not a thief!"

— Angelica Pickles, Rugrats

Nat Peterson: You think this is funny?
Plankton: In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Nat Peterson: Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?! [Nat Peterson shows Plankton a Krabby Patty]
Plankton: What? It's just an ordinary Krabby— [Scene zooms in to show the patty made with gross-out items◊] OH, MY GOODNESS! SQUIDWARD!

— SpongeBob SquarePants

Brock: This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!
Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man's eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
Brock: At least I didn’t break his heart.
Dr. Venture: ...You don’t know that.

— The Venture Brothers

Mojo Jojo: We are citizens! Evil citizens, sure, but citizens nonetheless!

HIM: I think we should complain.

Mojo Jojo: But to who?

— The Powerpuff Girls (1998)

Newtralizer: We can destroy this whole stinking city.
Slash: And every innocent human with it! Are you crazy?! I'm here to take out Kraang! Not people!
Newtralizer: Why should I care? I'm not people.

—Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012), "Newtralized!"

"As strange as it may seem, even someone like me is incapable of turning his back on an abandoned baby."

— Shadowsan, Carmen Sandiego, "The French Connection Caper"

Harley Quinn: I think maybe you should sit out the weather machine heist. Your style is just a little intense.
Queen of Fables: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought the point was to get the job done.
Harley Quinn: Yeah, but not by murdering innocent people. I mean, that's just a line I won't cross.
Queen of Fables: Oh, you got a line, huh? Hey, guys! She has a line! Superheroes have a line. Teen Titans have a line. We don't give a fuck.
Harley Quinn: Yeah, you know, you know, I think maybe I just give, like, a microscopic fuck.

—Harley Quinn (2019)

Angstrom Levy: Remember that world-changing battle between Omni-Man and Invincible a month ago? In most other dimensions, they teamed up and took over the planet.
Mauler Twin 1: You're kidding.
Mauler Twin 2: And we're the bad guys.

— Invincible (2021), "A Lesson for Your Next Life"

I despise me some animals, but I would never hurt an innocent little baby. I'll even prove it to you!

— Yosemite Sam, Looney Tunes Cartoons

Skurvy: On my honor, I swear on the Great Great Great Pirate Oath to grant any favor to the swamp-sucking sea scum scalawag that can rid me of this painful toothache!
Green Croc: But pirates don't have honor.
Kutlass: That's why we be the scourge of the seven seas. We be pure scum!
Skurvy: Aye, there be no more fearsome scourge scum than I, but the Pirate Oath is a pure and sacred thing, mates. Me great great great grandpappy taught me that after he stole the Crystal Coconut fair and square.

— Donkey Kong Country, "Legend of the Crystal Coconut"

Snaptrap: Now, how are we gonna get revenge on those meanies who wouldn't let us ride the monotrail? Francisco?
Francisco: Uhhh… we could eat 'em?
Snaptrap: Okay, that's just dark and disturbing.

— T.U.F.F. Puppy

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