Quotes: Even Evil Has Standards

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     Anime and Manga 

I should kill you right now! You're a goddamn embarrassment to this family, and you WILL apologize to Sando-san for this!
Yoshida to Chaka, Black Lagoon

They may all look the same to you, but there are different kinds and different levels of evil. A first-class villain doesn't target honest lives. [...] Fine, now is a good time to teach you something: even villains have standards!
Accelerator, A Certain Magical Index

You...are hideous.

Yumie: Hey, how about we tie [Integra] up and take her away with us? That would work!
Heinkel: I want to shoot her!!
Integra: I can hear you, you know. They want to tie me up, or shoot me. What is it that you want, Anderson?
Anderson: What do you think? Teaming up against an unarmed woman to do God knows what to her? We're paladins, not rapists!

I've never been known for my refined tastes, but you sicken even me.

What kind of monster have I created? No matter how evil you become, you never strike a child. I mean sure, you make them do a few million sit-ups or else there won't be supper, but you never ever hit them.
"Sunshine", Kinnikuman Nisei

I would never do such a despicable thing!
Laharl when Hoggmeiser (Zenisky) accuses him of stealing the Demon Tome in Makai Senki Disgaea

Compared to the mighty and their simple "pure hearts," the world's villains are much more humane. Scum rule the world and give birth to more scum. Don't they know that? We may mean to do harm, but we're sort of cute by comparison, aren't we, Killer?
Eustass Kidd, One Piece

I know we're supposed to be bad guys... but I can't let those cute little creatures get hurt!
Jessie upon seeing a herd of Mareep being attacked, Pokémon

     Comic Books 

I am The God Of War. The God Of Slaughter. Even The God Of Murder. But I am NOT the god of sadism!
Ares, Dark Avengers: Ares #3

I may be a criminal lunatic, but I'm an American criminal lunatic!
The Joker, upon finding out the Red Skull is a genuine Nazi

The Kingpin has rules - rules which you would do well to memorize. Among these rules is one stipulating that we do not touch another man's wife for any reason - ever.

Good going, Neron. Pick a guy no one wants to be in the room with. When villains want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories.
The Trickster, Underworld Unleashed

     Fan Fiction 

She scanned the canyon floor and quickly found what she was looking for, an ancient dwelling carved into the cliff face by the mysterious Anasazi a millennia ago. Carmen had initially scouted Eagle Rock, but ultimately ruled it out; it was considered sacred to the Hopi people and a superstitious part of her was still inclined to give Native American holy sites a wide berth. If it were within Carmen's power, she would have taken the entire 270 mile long canyon to add to her collection of Natural Wonders of the World. But such a feat of engineering would have been beyond even what Sara at her most brilliant could manage. Besides, damaging an entire ecosystem did not sit well with her unique moral code. The cliff dwelling at Nankoweap Creek seemed like a fine compromise.
Canyon, a Carmen Sandiego fanfic

B-But what if it's true love?! I know I hate their band, but I can't possibly expose them! I'm not a monster! I'm, like, the coolest most perfect sister in the whole world!

I every now and then do satanic rituals with Harry (Oh, I understand now. Satanic Rituals = intercourse.) every now and then because we are both Bisexuals, meaning that we have sex with both boys and girls, but I don't do it with Ron because it is incest. Even Satanists have standards. (Somehow, I don't believe a person would talk about themselves in such a self-condescending manner).
Ginny Weasley, The Prayer Warriors, lampshading this trope (before subverting it) with IHeartThomasBrown commenting on the lampshading

He tended to be highly unethical, and his morals were virtually non-existent, but there were some things he did draw the line at. He found the idea of putting his mouth on a kid for any reason besides applying the Curse Seal and CPR - which he'd had to perform a distressingly large number of times - to be rather reprehensible.
—- Orochimaru in Reactions, regarding shipping Kakashi with Naruto.

Private Josef Grigorovich. (SMASH) Abandoning your assigned post. (SMASH) Drawing a weapon on a superior officer. (SMASH) Resisting justice. (SMASH) Sexual assault on a prisoner of war. Uniform Code of Brotherhood Justice Section Two, Line Twenty-Seven: "Any form of sexual assault of any kind by a member of the Brotherhood is considered a Class One Offense against the Messiah, punishable by summary execution." (CRASH)
Brother-Captain Allen of the Black Hand, Tiberium Wars

     Film - Animated 

We've done a lot of things we're not proud of... robbing graves, plundering tombs, double-parking... but nobody ever got hurt. Well, maybe somebody got hurt... but nobody we knew.

     Film - Live-Action 

I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty.
Cyrus the Virus, Con Air

This craziness, it's too much.

John Mclane: There never was a bomb [in a school], was there?
Simon Gruber: Of course not. I'm a soldier, not a monster... even though I sometimes work for monsters.

You don't kill people you don't know! That's a rule!
Joe "Mental" Mentalino, Dumb and Dumber

I'm a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard.
Seth Gecko, From Dusk Till Dawn

Goldmember: Dr. Evil! Can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.

Arthur: We were friends. I could have helped them, but the Nazis paid too well. Can I trust that you will keep what you learned here today confidential, despite whatever you may think? (offers Madeline a check)
Madeline: Yes, Arthur. (accepts the check) Well, I'd love to tell you what a monster you are, but I have to help Bin Laden's nephew buy a co-op on Park Avenue.
Arthur: (laughs) If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.
Madeleine: We're listing you as a reference.

Jesus Christ, I'm not THAT evil!
The Motherfucker refuses to shoot someone's dog, Kick-Ass 2

Neville Sinclair: C'mon, Eddie. I'm paying you well. Does it really matter where the money comes from?
Eddie Valentine: It matters to me. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American. I don't work for no two-bit Nazi. Let the girl go!

You think I'll kill two kids and a woman? Fuck that!
Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

I'll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid. ...but eating people alive? Where's that get fun?
Jayne, Serenity


Jake: He's a prisoner of war. We don't kill prisoners.
Visser One: No. Of course not. You merely blow up ground-based Yeerk pools and kill thousands. And then another seventeen thousand of our brothers here on this ship. Defenseless, harmless, unhosted Yeerks. Murdered. But you don't kill prisoners.

Artemis Fowl did not like whalers. There were less objectionable ways to obtain oil by-products.

I am evil, but I am not cruel to animals. There's a special Hell reserved for those who are.
— the demon Azzie, Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming

Once [Genua] had been able to afford the largest branch of the Assassins' Guild outside Ankh-Morpork, and its members were so busy that you sometimes had to wait for months.
But the assassins had all left years ago. Some things sicken even jackals.

Like many people with no actual morals, Lord Downey did have standards, and Teatime repelled him.

Gilt and Vetinari shared a look. It said: While I loathe you and every aspect of your personal philosophy to a depth unplummable by any line, I'll credit you at least with not being Crispin Horsefry.

There are some things that are unthinkable: there are some depths that not even demons would believe other demons would stoop to.

I haven't found one single explanation of what Horcruxes do! Not a single one! I've been right through the restricted section and even in the most horrible books, where they tell you how to brew the most gruesome potions - nothing! All I could find was this, in the introduction to Magick Moste Evile. Listen — "Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction." I mean, why mention it, then?

They may have been super villains, but they had limits.
Joshua Dread

I do men. I do women. I don't discriminate. I don't do kids. That's a different kind of psycho.
Spademan, Shovel Ready

"I'm a thief," he said, "just like you are. We don't fuck kids."
"I know that," I said.
"Some of our guys, they're a little crazy. Like B.T. He'd stab a nigger just to stay in practice, you know?"
"I know."
"But none of us would do little kids."
Neo-Nazi leader to Burke, Strega

She had become in my mind, if not daughter, then student, protégé. I had grown both fond and proud of her. She was ever-curious, ever-learning. Writing new songs that made the children do things – tear the wings from butterflies, snarl like wild dogs, hold hands and disappear off into the forest without a thought. Children were the hardest to enthrall, and yet they would do anything for her. They practically begged.
She played, and the children turned, mouths pressing together, such soft, tiny mouths. Perfect rosebuds. She played and their small bodies moved together, removed the air between them.
"Stop!" I had to push her off my lap so hard that her music flared and then faltered.
"But..." She pushed her lip out, near tears. Her mole slid, as though it was melting against her skin.
I took a softer tone. I didn't mean to scare her. I didn't mean to scare myself.
"You can't make people do those things," I said. "There is a line, a line of..." Of what? I didn’t know.
Trill, a short story by Shanna Germain

Miles: This man - you apparently don't know - was cashiered from the Barrayaran Imperial Service for brutality.
Oser: From the Barrayaran Service? That must have taken some doing.

"Even on Barrayar", he said mildly, "no human being can own another..."

     Live-Action TV 

Senator Powell: You have a young daughter, named Georgia, who is about 10 years old. Has little Georgia seen your film entitled Ripcord, which contains 357 acts of violence, 175 profanities, and 4 scenes of lesbian sex? She proud of her daddy for that one?! How can you look that sweet little girl in the eye?
Peter Dragon: I manage. I never voted to subsidize the growing of tobacco, while turning my back on food programs for starving kids. I've never vetoed a gun control bill. All my guns are fake, Senator! I've never rushed to the defense of Kuwaiti oil fields, while ignoring genocide in Africa, because big oil companies that line your fat pockets aren't concerned with black Africa. Those are all productions of your company Senator, this company right here!

Sweetie, when even I'm offended, you know you've gone too far.
Paige Michalchuk referring to her best friend Hazel's racism, Degrassi

Topher: See these dark areas? How they extend all the way out to here? You know why that looks like that? That's because Terry Karrens doesn't use that part of his brain. And that'd be where you find stored such things as empathy, compassion, an aversion to disemboweling puppies. Basically, this is what some of your more famous serial killers' brains look like.
DeWitt: You are quite certain of this?
Topher: Certain enough so that I have serious ethical problems with trying to wake him up.
Boyd: Topher has ethical problems... Topher!
Topher: Heh. Way to land it.

Just because a guy makes a living breaking into other people's apartments doesn't mean he likes kiddie porn.

28 million dead?! Couldn't we just wound some of them?
Quark, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Business As Usual"

This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity!
Crowley to a subordinate who's been breaking deals, Supernatural

I'm evil. That's just tacky.
Crowley finds out that a minion's been running a sex slavery ring in his name, Supernatural

Omar: Man, don't get it twisted, I do some dirt too. But I ain't never put my gun on anybody who wasn't in the game.
Bunk: A man must have a code.
Omar: Oh, no doubt.

Oh, this motherfucker be killing niggers just to do it. See? Nigga kill motherfuckers just 'cause he can. Not cause they snitchin', not 'cause it's business, 'cause... this shit just come natural to him. I mean, Little Kevin is GONE! This nigger don't feel nothin'. And all them motherfuckers in them row-houses - nobody mean a fucking thing to him! FUCK Marlo, man, FUCK him! And anybody that thinks it's alright to do people this way!

     Newspaper Comics 

I thought your uninformed outrage would be useful in my eternal struggle to avoid taxation! I didn't realize you were a nihilistic moron willing to crash the entire economy!
Plutocrat Pete to Tea Party Tim, on his plan to force the government to default to control spending, This Modern World

     Tabletop Games 

I have seen planes leveled and all life rendered to dust. It brought no pleasure, even to a heart as dark as mine.


I dare do all that becomes a man; Who dares more is none.

     Video Games 

The other Princes don't like him that much. I mean, even Malacath is more popular at parties, and Malacathnote  is not popular at parties.
Sheogorath describing Jyggaleg, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Teisel Bonne: Listen up everyone! I want you to take everything that isn't nailed down, you hear me?! I don't want there to even be a toothpick left!
Servbot 1: Master Tiesel, we've taken all the supplies and loaded them onto the ship!
Servbot 2: What should we do with the toilet paper?
Teisel Bonne: We may be pirates, but we're not barbarians. We'll let them keep the toilet paper.
— The Bonnes' raid on Saul Kada village, Mega Man Legends 2

"This is messed up. I'm all for being evil, but this is just overkill."

That is some (bleep)ed-up (bleep), man!

Sonic: I can't figure you out. One second you're contemplating genocide, and the next you're saving one of your worst enemies!
Dr. Eggman: I'm a complicated guy.

We are not committing war crimes.
— A light side Imperial member in Star Wars: The Old Republic

Killer the Butcher: It's a good day! Gizzar! Bring me wine! We drink to the Emperor of Vega!
Gizzar: Gyoy, Butcher!
Killer: Bareta, prepare me a new Mechaboost!
Bareta: Gyoy, Butcher.
Killer: All belongs to Gaizock. To me, Killer the Butcher. Hoh hoh hoh! Resist me with all your might, earthlings! Hoh hoh hoh hoh! Mwohohohohohoho!
Gandal: (Emperor Vega, this man... he's too dangerous...)
Emperor Vega: (Mm. Yes, we may have signed a deal with the devil.)
Killer: Hoh hohohoho! Bwohohohohohohohohohoho!

Nothing stokes my ire like a cheater. Deception, duplicity, murder - these are merely tools in a toolbox one can use to ensure a job done well. But cheating? I cannot even wrap my head around the point of it. Wouldn't you know you had cheated? How on Earth could you maintain crisp certainty of your superiority to all others? And if you're unable to do that, what's the point of anything?
The Administrator, Team Fortress 2's Official Blog

No dad, I'm not a "crazed gunman," I'm an assassin! ...The difference bein' one's a job, the other's a mental sickness!
The Sniper on the phone with his parents, Team Fortress 2: "Meet the Sniper"

There's gotta be a limit, kid. Y'know, a point where even assholes like us say, 'Enough is e-fuckin'-nough.' Human. Stew. That's my limit. I know that now.
Michael, Grand Theft Auto V

     Visual Novels 

Ugly. Aah, how ugly is a woman drowning in lust...! This is this woman's true nature!! Even I, as a witch who has explored the depths of evil, find this most difficult to watch!!
Beatrice as Rosa Ushiromiya verbally attacks her own daughter, Umineko no Naku Koro ni

     Web Comics 

Wow... there's a level of pointless violence that offends even me when it's crossed. Live and learn, I guess...

That's messed up, Sarda.

Saul: Proper villains know offing is fine, rape is not.
Munsch: We must have our moral standards or else we are no better than the rest of the rabble.

We're doctors in the field of robotics. Arson is a little beneath us, don't you think?

I have few principles, but I stick to them.
Black Hat Guy, xkcd

     Web Original 

That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen, and I'm a Death God!

When the light shines upon my crimes, you find it sick, appalling!

Hey, Norman Bates called, he said you're really kind of a weirdo!
Linkara on the protagonist of a Lady Gaga comic, Atop the Fourth Wall

Darth Vader: BOOOOO!
Lord Voldemort: HISSSSSS!
Bill Belichick: HE’S SO EVIL!

My God! What is this guy? First the sandwiches, and now laughing evilly while he's off to have an affair!? Even Darth Vader would be like "Dude, you are a fucking ass!"

Even to other vampires, Divia is evil like whoa. LaCroix is messing his pants over this one... She frames LaCroix for a murder just to dick with him, which is rude considering all of the real murders he's committed. Divia was created by one of the first of their kind: she killed him and entombed him for trying to control her. LaCroix saw an evil in her that frightened even him. So he decapitated and entombed her. It's supremely creepy when she starts hitting on her dad. I guess incest was the final straw for him.

Rational Wiki on Men's Rights Activism

J. Michael Straczynski wrote a comic book explaining the WTC tragedy from superheroes' perspective. And in it, Dr. Doom cried. Yes, the evil mastermind who shot the Fantastic Four's building into space and who contributes to 80 percent of the world's daily robodeath ...he was really broken up by this slight variation of his every waking moment.

Y'know, I might kill for no reason other than someone's in killing distance, but at least I'm not a Nazi.
SF Debris impersonating Hirogen while reviewing Star Trek: Voyager, "The Killing Game Pt.1"

There was a scene filmed for this movie where Jason kicks Toby to death but it was cut because according to Kane Hodder, there's some things even Jason wouldn't do. I love it. That's Jason Voorhees: card-carrying member of PETA.

231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG note 

Even I’m not that crazy.
Bonesaw on attempting to clone the Endbringers, Worm

I have never understood Donald Trump’s involvement in wrestling. He is always presented as a face counterpart to Vince McMahon’s evil billionaire character, but the facts tell a different, much darker story. While the wrestling persona Mr. McMahon once made Trish Stratus strip and bark like a dog on television, the real-life Donald Trump once tried to demolish a little old lady’s house and turn it into parking space.

The leprechaun that tells me to start fires said this guy is nuts.
Diogenes, Fark.com

     Western Animation 

Nurse Bundt Cake: Princess Bubblegum is now thirteen.
The Ice King: Thirteen? Well I'm out of here. Bye everyone.
Adventure Time, "Episode 26, Mortal Recoil"

Stan, these people are monsters. You know what my country has done, and I'm disgusted.
Klaus after hearing why Francine's parents had to give her up, American Dad!

Grandfather may be evil, which I admire, but he's also a jerk!

And what really bothers me is [that] you pretend that you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it.
Quagmire to Brian, as part of a long-winded "The Reason You Suck" Speech, Family Guy

Robot Devil: I rather think we could strike a deal, Bender. I shall give you your army of the damned and in return I ask just one thing, just one itty-bitty thing... your firstborn son! (Evil Laugh)
Bender: Just a sec.
(cut to)
Bender's Son: Daddy! I knew you'd come back!
(back to Robot Hell)
Bender: Here ya go! (drop-kicks his son through a window and into a vat of fire)
Robot Devil: (positively aghast) WOW. That was pretty brutal, even by my standards.
Bender: No backsies!

Ultra-Humanite: You'll be happy to know, Flash, that your words - jejune though they were - did not fall on deaf ears. I appreciate the sentiment behind them and therefore call a truce in honour of the season.
The Flash: Seriously?
Ultra-Humanite: You'll have the toy to give to your young friends. I'm improving it, too.
The Flash: ...It's not gonna blow up or anything?
Ultra-Humanite: Flash. It is Christmas.

Look Vanessa, there's good evil and there's bad evil.
Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

I stole this accordion from a blind monkey! But YOU! You disgust even me!
—A French drifter to Homer Simpson (who bailed on his father when asked to donate a kidney), The Simpsons

You just don't shoot a guy in the dick!
Eric Cartman, one of the most evil people, ever, South Park

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but how could you trade Spongebob for 62 cents?!
Mr. Krabs: You think I could’ve gotten more?
Squidward: He stuck up for you and you sold him out, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

Brock: This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!
Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man's eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
Brock: At least I didn’t break his heart.
Dr. Venture: ...You don’t know that.