Funny / Jesse Cox

Cox n' Crendor and Scary Game Squad have their own pages.

Let's Plays

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

• At the end of episode 7, Jesse hits The Water Part. The Co-Dependent girls (who have played the game and know what's coming) egg him on until he steps into the water, at which point everything dissolves into a confusion of giggling, Angrish and the splashes of oncoming doom. "Keep Out Of The Water..."
• In episode 22, Jesse somehow manages to fake out a monster in the funniest way possible.

Saints Row The Third

• From the very start, the characters Jesse and Crendor make for themselves. Jesse is an angry old Clint Eastwood/honey badger hybrid. Crendor is...
  Crendor: Okay, so here's my backstory - I wanted to join the NBA but I was too big, so I had to join the Blue Man Group. But, the Blue Man Group kicked me out because I had psychological issues, so I was forced to join the circus, in which my anger problems made me, uh, combined with my psychological issues, mentally insane. So now I still wear my Blue Man Group costume, which is just blue paint, and clown makeup.
• Part 2 helps us find the humor in the little things, like a random NPC's face.
• In part 7, after about two episodes of dicking around with rival gangs while trying to buy Jesse a bathrobe:
  Jesse: Holy shit, what is THAT thing?!
  Crendor: He just blocked my car!
  Jesse: That's because we're trying to run him over in a Prius.
  [...]
  Crendor: If you're gonna run people over, you might as well save gas.
  Jesse: We're not monsters.
• Part 9 has some profound moments while driving the streets of Steelport.
  Jesse: You know what I've realized? You are blue, and I am red. We're like the Crips and Bloods alliance.
  Crendor: Or we're like Red Fish, Blue Fish.
  Jesse: One fish, two fish! ...It makes so much sense now. So much sense.
  Crendor: It's like in code.
  Jesse: It is, it's like the Bible Code. That's a thing, right?
  Crendor: We're actually related to Dr. Seuss, meaning we're gonna be millionaires.
  Jesse: I am related because I once got sick eating Green Eggs and Ham, so Dr. Seuss owes me some damn money.
  • Crendor is not a very good driver.
    Jesse: What are you...
    Crendor: I'm driving.
    Jesse: Is that what this is?
    Crendor: Just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet- (smash)
    Jesse: You've run - there's sirens, there's people screaming-
    Crendor: Close your eyes, and imagine yourself on a beach...
    Jesse: I'm on a beach.
    Crendor: And you're surrounded by hot naked women. But-
    Jesse: I'm imagining butts.
    Crendor: But, here comes an ugly fat guy, and he's like "haganaagendagan!"
    Jesse: ...I don't know what that means.
• In Part 11, Jesse starts a series-long Running Gag by mistaking a random NPC for Hitler.
  • Crendor asks "can we get planes?" Get planes, yes, fly planes...
  • Reeling from a sudden onslaught of Plot, Jesse and Crendor misinterpret Kinzie's mention of "Tea Cup."
    Crendor: Teacup. Do we need, like, code names?
    Jesse: I don't... I'll be Banana Boy.
    Crendor: I'll be Grover.
• In part 13. Jesse & Wowcrendor get the Bear... for about fifteen seconds...
• Jesse & Crendor discover Insurance Fraud.
  • Turns out when you play "Escort" in Co-op mode, one player drives while the other provides the... service.
• In Part 19, Jesse unveils his ultimate gang war vehicle.
  • In Part 22, Crendor shows off his sweet new ride.
• In Part 25, the duo encounter some Artificial Atmospheric Actions that nearly force Jesse to change pants.
  Jesse: If you want to know what it looks like when you're drunk and you think you're being really cool, that's what it fucking looks like.
• In Part 27, they're doing a Guardian Angel mission, and are naturally happy that their helicopter pilot is Big Purp, but then they fail due to their incompetence. When they restart, they see that Big Purp has been replaced, causing Crendor to rage, put the controller down, and walk away.
• In Part 28, Jesse can't stop drifting.
• Let's just say a lot of Part 30. Highlights include Jesse and Crendor's flawless teamwork.
  Jesse: Help me, I'm being run over-
  Crendor: I'm running you over.
  • Or Jesse's Public Service Announcement.
    Jesse: (while "Stars and Stripes Forever" plays) This Fourth of July, when you're at your barbeque, and you're feeling like you should be drinking, why not take vodka shots to the eyeballs? Or better yet, dip your vodka in tampons. I heard on the news that if you shove it up your butt, it gets you real drunk.
• Part 31 starts with Jesse flopped over undead, and Crendor stuck in a bus stop.
  • Failing the mission is a small price to pay for thwarting Corporate Hitler's evil plans.
  • The boys desperately trying to stay "street."
    Crendor: I'm not gonna touch anything. Except for my tea. (slurp)
    Jesse: Again, for street cred purposes that is not tea, but a giant bong made out of a skull.
    Crendor: But it smells like peach tranquility.
    Jesse: That's the street name for it, catch me some of that fiiine Peach Tranquility.
    Crendor: Mmm-hmm.
    Jesse: That you shoot into your eyeballs.
• Part 33 has Jesse and Crendor bickering Like an Old Married Couple.
  • Crendor, diet pill spokesman.
• The ending of the Episode 36 during the Livestream. Jesse is AFK getting his hot pizza and leaves the camera pointing at a brick wall. What follows is Crendor's Offscreen Moment of Awesome as he runs back and forth across the screen, fighting off police and rival gang members to "Yakety Sax."
  Crendor: How long does it take to get a pizza?! HOW LONG?!
• Part 37 opens with a little moment of Comedic Sociopathy.
  • "Wait, can I jump?"
• Part 39 has a pretty blunt assessment of their own content:
  (Jesse makes a detour to buy some property)
  Crendor: Hurry up, you're wasting everyone's time.
  Jesse: Wha - we have to do it eventually, we might as well do it now.
  Crendor: That's true.
  Jesse: We gave them solid hours of entertainment, now they must suffer.
  Crendor: That's true.
  Jesse: Suffer.
• In Part 41, Jesse has another skydiving accident.
• An incident at the beginning of Part 43 and challenge from Jesse resulted in this touching fan tribute video: "In Memory of Panda Car."
  • Jesse's Pre-Asskicking One-Liner when he is about to attack Killbane with a shark:
    Jesse: Hey Killbane, you're looking a little weak. Shark Weak!
• Part 44. Crendor has a chainsaw. Jesse has the Apoco-Fists. "Let's go destroy the city."
  • The Rocket Launcher of Victory.
    Crendor: That... that was not victory.
    Jesse: Victory comes in many shapes and sizes, my friend.
  • Crendor has a jet. It goes exactly as well as their last plane ride went.
• Part 46 opens with Jesse riding a broomstick. Well, trying to ride a broomstick.
  Jesse: Oh God, oh God, why does - Harry Potter lied.
• Part 47, the final story mission, is a pretty good mix of Awesome and Funny.
  • When faced with the Sadistic Choice between taking vengeance and saving gang members, Jesse decides to rescue his friends... and immediately heads off in the wrong direction, before giving up and driving into the river. Cue dramatic music accompanying him and Crendor swimming, slowly, toward shore.
    Jesse: See, they didn't expect this.
    Crendor: Yeah. Take that, game.
  • They then put the rescue mission on hold to shop at a gun store, and Crendor gets into an argument over whether he should upgrade his sniper rifle.
  • Storming the Castle, take one:
    Jesse: I'm saving our gang members, it's about friendship. That's what this game's really about, friendship, man. Friendship, and, and... buddyness.
    Crendor: Bags-
    Jesse: The Knights of Victory is really about - you didn't save any of these people!
    Crendor: Bags of chips.
    Jesse: Alright, I think I got them all-
    failure screen
    Crendor: Uh...
    Jesse: Did you really just die?!
    Crendor: I may have just shot something that exploded...
    Jesse: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
    Crendor: In my defense-
    Jesse: No, you have no defense on this, we were doing fine. I gave a speech about friendship! And you betrayed it!
  • Storming the Castle, take two:
    Jesse: Alright, did we save everyone, are we good, we done here?
    Crendor: Yes. (Beat) If you had to eat one bag of chips for the rest of your life-
    Jesse: We're saving the world! Now is not the time!
    Crendor: ...What kind would it be?
    Jesse: ...Dammit.
  • The final battle turns into an Anti-Climax Boss when Kia decides to jump off the roof.
  • They're both completely baffled by the Bonus Level on Mars.
    Jesse: Pierce just died! Why did we save them all if they're gonna die-
    Crendor: It's just Pierce, keep going.
    [...]
    Jesse: I'm still concerned why Johnny and Shaundi are here.
    Crendor: Why wouldn't they be?
    Jesse: 'cause Johnny's dead!
    Crendor: Well, we're on Mars.
    Jesse: Is this Mars Johnny?
  • Jesse trying to figure things out, Crendor taking things in stride.
    Jesse: Shaundi's dead? Wait, this, this is like a dream or something-
    Crendor: Wait, nope, she's back up. Wait, no, she died again.
    Jesse: This is a weird dream, I'm not sure what it's about, but it's a dream.
    Crendor: It's probably Burt Reynolds' dream.
  • Profound moments on another planet.
    Crendor: Am I the first clown in space?
• Part 49 gives us Jesse's Sad Panda voice.
• In Part 50, Jesse starts talking about hiring a chauffeur for himself and Crendor, and cracks a joke about women drivers. Karma does not approve.
  Crendor: (sarcastic clapping)
  Jesse: Send you angry letters to: Jesse Cox, care of Wowcrendor-
  (kaboom)
  Jesse: ...I may have blown us up. Look, look, we deserved it, let's be honest-
  Crendor: You deserved it.
  Jesse: We deserved it.
  • Jesse puts 244 bullets to good use. Doubles as an Awesome moment.
    Crendor: Beautiful.
• Part 51 opens with a minor hoverbike accident.
  Jesse: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
  • The Lady and the Hotdog.
• Part 52 proves that everything we know about Jesse and Crendor's ability to fly planes also applies to alien spacecraft.
  Jesse: I literally just pressed "F" to turn on flight mode, and the ship just fell out of the sky.
  Crendor: "F" for Fail.
  Jesse: "F" for Fail.
  • On the way, Crendor asks Jesse what his ultimate sandwich would be. several minutes later, Crendor asks for some clarifications at the worst time.
  • "Just fly into the building." Followed by Crendor singing a song about photosynthesis.
• In Part 52, another take on the final mission, Crendor comes up with the next hit TV show.
  • Followed shortly by a discussion on the correct pronunciation of "eggs."
    Jesse: WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?!
  • It took the whole series, but the guys finally figured out how to fly airplanes! (please note that "flying" is distinct from "landing")

Magicka

• Jesse plays a round of Magicka for a special Fourth of July livestream. Jesse plays a game with Friendly Fire. With three other people. They let him have a gun. FOR AMERICA!

Terraria

• In episode 24 of the Terraria Let's Play, Jesse throws a bomb in a small space where both he and TotalBiscuit are trapped. TotalBiscuit lives.
  • Made even funnier due to the fact that they can't kill each other unless they change teams, but they don't even realize it yet.
• In one episode, Jesse acquired a top hat that TotalBiscuit wanted. Bad stuff occurred.
  • This was after TotalBiscuit had killed the high-health top-hat wearing zombie. He and Jesse were killed and when they respawned, TotalBiscuit was complaining and Jesse was agreeing, all the while with Jesse wearing the Top Hat and carrying a torch. TotalBiscuit's response when he noticed was:
    TotalBiscuit: JESSE YOU JACKASS! GIVE IT HERE!
• In another episode, a glitch had occurred and the previous episode was lost. Lets just say that many a Brick Joke happened.
  Jesse: AND FOR 14.99 you too can know what happened in that fateful episode.
• The secrets of Castle von Jessenstein v 1.0 were truly valuable.
• Where Jesse tried to trick TotalBiscuit with dynamite by claiming it was what was in a chest. Once again, he lives, and Jesse has killed himself with explosives yet again.
• A fan put together a montage of the many, many, many deaths of Jesse and TB during the first Terraria series.

Terraria - The Next World Generation

• Episode 10 of Terraria: The Next World Generation has Jesse devolving into Angrish after TB shows that the fruits of their labor in the jungle (where he was constantly dying) happened to be 2 statues that don't do anything.
  • What makes this even funnier is that TB is laughing so hard that he—in his words here—can't breathe properly.
  • It was also this episode that the Great Space Butterfly first came into being.
• From Episode 30: "Fujimora Yachtsu", a pun so incredibly lame it left TotalBiscuit in physical pain.
  • Alternative names were LoLboat One, and Frankenboat Joe.
• In Episode 34, TB and Jesse's death counts have been equal, until one point. At one point, while TB is putting items away, Jesse sneaks up to a sky island and aggros a Wyvern so it will kill TB. It worked... to some extent.
• For a considerable number of episodes near the end (so far) of the series, TB and Jesse repeatedly tried to reach the Underground Jungle - which was being overrun by the Hardmode Corruption - to harvest Moonglow for potions, and repeatedly died, often when nearly in sight of the jungle (or even in the surface portion of it). Finally Moonglow was acquired, and they returned to home base...only to discover that there had been five Moonglow in one of their chests the entire time.
  Jesse: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!
• When making the hellivator, Jesse and TB were mining through some obsidian, with lava on three sides and water on top. They mined faster than the obsidian could be created, making them both fall down into the lava and die. Even worse is that one of their tombstones ended up under their shaft, causing more lava-related deaths because obsidian couldn't form over the tombstone.
• The same fan that made the video of the Terraria deaths for the first season made another one for this season.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

• Anytime he goes into a vocal rendition, such as saying "Diabeetus" when he sees a Horker.
• The moment he figures out he can put the Shock spell on both hands, Jesse unleashes the only quote worth using in such a situation as he fries a wolf in true Sith fashion.
  "UNNNLIMITED POWEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
• Episode 27. While hunting vampires, Jesse's Dragonborn manages to score decapitation, after decapitation, and finisher kills in general, then in the end, gets his own head cut off by Movarth, the master vampire.
  Jesse: Oh irony!
• Look, I'm a novice, here...
• The entirety of Episode 36, with Jesse's constant confused/scared reaction during the Sheogorath quest, and his frustration with the puzzles.
• In Episode 48, while Jesse is 'sneaking' in the Thalmor Embassy, when he is in the courtyard he is ambushed by a dragon! Not only that but soon not one but two more dragons appear as well, distracting the Thalmor
  Jesse: (Hears roar) Wait, was that a dragon?!
  (Gets bathed in flames)
  • Earlier while he was headed for the Embassy, a dragon attacked him, while he was naked no less. Understandably he died almost instantly. On his second time he equipped as much armor he could (only some gauntlets) and charged the dragon... only for the dragon to One-Hit Kill him. The third time, after deciding to suit up at the nearby town, the dragon doesn't appear at all.
  • Even funnier, that dragon might have been one of the dragons that attacked the embassy.
• The song at the end of Episode 55.
• At the end of Episode 64 Jesse encounters a boss Draugr, which leads to this
  Jesse: Come at me bro! Come at me!
  Draugr: Fus Ro Dah!
  *Jesse gets Blown Across the Room, and dies*
  Jeese: Oh shit! Well he came at me.
• In episode 67 and 68, Jesse does a quest that involves investigating a murder, and he makes good use of a certain Memetic Mutation.
• An unfortunate friendly fire incident! Slowed down if you didn't quite catch it here.
• Jesse's reaction to Lizzy leaving him in episode 78.
  "You didn't have to stoop so low! Have your friends collect your weapons and change your location! I guess I don't need your bow! Now you're just the Lizzy that I used to know..."

Fahrenheit

• In Part 13 he complains that he might have to worry about Carla's claustrophobia and while Carla is leaving the asylum...
  Jesse: "Well at least I don't have to do any claustrophobia anything."
  * Lights go out*
  Jesse: "*Beat* SON OF A BITCH!!"
• In the beginning of Part 15 when Jesse is trying to get past a couple of guards again.
  Jesse: "Focus Jesse. Focus with all of your focusing abilities."
  * immediately gets caught*
  Jesse: "God damn it..."
• The Final Part. Jesse doesn't even make that many jokes in it, instead just reacting the how batshit insane the last part of the game is. And his final reaction to the endings. "WHY IS THERE NO ANSWERS!" indeed.
  "Fahrenheit is the fevered dream of a psychopath. It's a nonsensical, insane, ridiculous ride into the maw of madness. One cannot describe it, only experience it. And God help those who tread this path. 10/10, Game of the Year." - Jesse Cox

Mc Pixel

• Just about anytime Jesse's response to a puzzle solution with "Well, that just happened..."
• During the second Bonus Level set:
  I'm not sure how... womens' undergarments work.

Dead Space

• on Part 9 just as he barely survives the vacuum he says:
  Jesse: "There is a lesson to be learned here that I probably should take some oxygen, although it gave me an oxygen tank in the room, no, I'm pretty sure the game is gonna be nice to me, I don't think it's going to be a dick and like, pull anything crazy on me here."
  * cue tentacles grabbing his leg*
  Jesse: "OH SHIT! What is that? Oh God! I AM NOT A SCHOOLGIRL!"
  • A similar situation in part 18 where he get's attacked by another of those tentacles, and later fights the boss that the tentacle spawned from. Which, as he points out, can be best described as a 'space anus'.
• Jesse: I just noticed my life...
• In Part 27, Jesse logs out and back into the game to grab a bit of loot that the game wouldn't let him get, only to, well:
  Jesse: So I cut there because I logged out, and then logged back in, specifically for the purpose of getting this loot. Because as a loot whore I feel like—
  *turns to see that the loot is gone from the wall panel*
  Jesse: *after looking around for the loot for a few seconds* ...are you kidding me?! This game has truly become terrifying. When—when loot starts disappearing, it has become a loot whore's worst nightmare! Great! Great, so it mocked me first, and then it was like, I'm out, bitch!
• Part 28
  Jesse (singing): This is the e-lev-ator song - (door opens to reveal exploding enemy) OH SHIT!!
• One of the best parts throughout the entire Let's Play of Dead Space and Dead Space 2 is how Jesse can be perfectly Genre Savvy regarding an upcoming Necromorph attack, yet still freak the hell out at the inevitable Jump Scare.
• On a similar note, every time Kendra or Hammond contact Isaac, it comes with a loud blast of static that never fails to surprise Jesse.
• The final words of the Let's Play:
  Yeah... I'm gonna- I'm gonna- I'm gonna skip Impossible Mode...
• After the reveal that Nicole has been dead this whole time:
  Jesse: Look, I'm real tore up that my lady's dead, but uh...did she^note Kendra just undo all my work moving the Marker here?!

Dishonored

• In part 14, Jesse Cox realises that he just poisoned everyone that Slackjaw knows and loves. It's hilarious.
• WHALE MEAT.
  • For those not in the know, this joke centers around Jesse Cox's obsession with eating everything. Also, there is fanart. Hell yes.
    • OM NOM NOM SHO GUD.
• Sir? SIR!! You're supposed to be FRIENDS, Sir!!
  • Also from part 16, the glorious return of "MISTER CROOOOOOWWWWLEY!!! BUM BUM BUM!!!"
• Hatters gonna hat!
• Jesse has a bit of bad luck.
  • Jesse: There's something over there... 'kay, I'm not really sure what that did. Maybe it shut off the...this, shut off this so I can sneak underneath it? OH GOD
• This is, without a doubt, the funniest moment so far.
• Part 46: Jesse escapes the Flooded District and is on his way back to the Hound Pits Pub when he encounters two guards. Paraphrased:
  Guard #1: The criminal mind, huh? So what's [Corvo] doing now?
  Guard #2: Waiting. He's probably watching us right now.
  Jesse, in hiding only a few feet away: lolol
• In the bonus video after the run ends, Jesse encounters the amusing glitch where Havlock attacks you when you grab the key to Emily's cell. Jesse has only one thing to say about this final slight against himself and Corvo.
  "Bitch, please!" *fires sleep dart* "Saved the last one for you, Havlock!"

Far Cry 3

• The Craziest F'n Thing I've Ever Seen, a Very Special Episode, focuses around the kind of insanity that results during an open-world game. To wit, Jesse saves a cow's life by running over the tiger that was trying to kill it, drives his jeep off a cliff and into a river (after which the game crashes and he has to restart), wanders into a town under attack from cassowaries that can apparently blow up cars, is attacked by an alligator right after Tempting Fate (descending into a rare Cluster F-Bomb as he tries to fight it off), finds what is apparently a bulletproof goat, and gets murdered by a komodo dragon out of nowhere as he was in the middle of the looting animation in the space of nine minutes.
• Because there's just a bunch of guys out there named Buck, and they all only do one thing.
• Jesse attempts to hang glide onto a boat in the middle of shark-infested waters. It goes about as well as you'd expect. This is made even more hilarious by the fact that Jesse is genuinely terrified of sharks.
• Jesse mows down enemies by the dozens while singing unfitting music.
• The entirety of Jesse and Crendor's co-op Let's Play condensed down into a two minute PSA.

Dead Space 2

• During the puzzle where Isaac has to move some fuses around to shut down ANTI, he becomes convinced he has the puzzle down. Only to... well:
  Jesse: So, red is dead, and blue is in the goo!
  (Inserts first fuse, which turns blue.)
  Jesse: Blue! Nice. Okay, stick this down here...
  (Inserts second fuse. It turns green. Beat)
  Jesse: Wait, what? What the hell is green?! (bursts out laughing)
  • Even better, when he connects all the fuses so that they're green, he finds a secret room containing loot and Peng!
• Best glitch ever. Gets even more hilarious towards the end of the video.
  • A fan uploaded the video with Chariots of Fire in the background.

Star Craft II: Heart of the Swarm

• Jesse makes fun of Mengsk's special elite squads towards the end of the campaign due to their ineffectiveness relative to their fearsome title, and then creates Death Squad 7, which is a group comprised solely of Zerg Overlords—units which have absolutely no combat effectiveness or utility to speak of.

Star Craft II: Legacy of the Void

• During their very first playthrough of a Co-op mode mission with TotalBiscuit, Jesse plays as the Zerg and announces his plans to re-form Death Squad 7. TB repeats every single argument that Jesse made during the HotS playthrough that led up to the creation of Death Squad 7 in the first place. Also constitutes an extemporaneous Brick Joke.
• He somehow manages to spin Amon corrupting the Khala into a fanfic arc about Artanis stealing Zeratul's space car. And makes it work in-canon.
• The Death Squad 7 Brick Joke continues in the mission "Purification": The Purifier forces start chasing a group of overlords and slaughters them.
  Jesse: "Death Squad Seven: never stood a chance."
• Occasionally a Colossus will poke its head in on the War Council chamber as it walks by. Jesse's reaction is almost always amusing, especially when it looks like the giant robot is eavesdropping on a plot-relevant conversation.

Bio Shock Infinite

• The first part features Jesse rendered speechless—partly because he's blown away by the scenery, and partly because he has no idea what the hell is going on.
• About the Lutece twins: "WHY DO I LOVE AND/OR HATE YOOOUUU?!"
• After seeing Booker's dream about Columbia attacking New York and arriving in the Garden of New Eden, Jesse then finds the inscription "The Seed of the Prophet shall sit the throne and drown in flame the Mountains of Man."
  Jesse: Is that... Oooh, is that a prophecy of what I saw in my dream of the vision of the future in my office when I opened the door? I know that made no sense, what I just said...
• Jesse's "old-timey" voice. Especially when he decides to sing while using it.
• The incident at the raffle: first, Jesse is driven to hysterical giggling by Fink's casually racist comment about "the prettiest white girl in all of Columbia"; then he realizes that he's just won on number 77 after being warned not to... and then it turns out that he's won the first throw in the public stoning of a mixed-race couple. Cue incredulous shouts of "Wait what? What the shit... WHAT?! What is happening here?" Then Booker fights back by ramming a policeman's face into a skyhook, leading to an incredibly bloody fight scene, and all of a sudden, Jesse's laughing again.
  Jesse: "Uh, sirs, can we have a conversa—OH GOD, OKAY, NEVERMIND!"
• Upon arriving in the Monument Island research center, Jesse finds an overturned chair with a shirt draped over it and a pair of shoes lying nearby; he immediately speculates that the previous owner was just so startled that his shoes and shirt blew off and he ran out of the building completely naked.
  Jesse: Future DLC.
• In part 9, Jesse comes across a Kinetescope in the arcade after going through and seeing the Colored & Irish bathrooms compared to the White bathrooms.
  Jesse: What other horrific racist thing are we gonna fi—"Solving the Irish Problem", of course! Of course...
  • His awed reaction to an animatronic president is "I desperately want an army of robotic George Washingtons."
  • After pursuing Elizabeth when she panics and flees the ambush, complaining all the time that he's not done scouring the area, Jesse sees that she's not strong enough to activate the gondola lever, and immediately goes back to looting.
• Upon encountering the animatronic, poem-reciting George Washington in the Hall of Heroes lobby, Jesse's computer suffered a critical error and crashed. Jesse could only speculate that it simply couldn't handle the awesomeness.
• Part 13 has Jesse performing the single most violent mood swing imaginable. After listening to the somber, doomed message on one of Slate's audio-logs he delivers this thoughtful insight:
  Jesse: ... Interesting, I'm not sure where to put his character yet... (sees enemy soldier and blasts him in the back) But I know where to put this guy's character! ON THE GROUND!
  • Elizabeth's expression in response helps sell it.
  Jesse: "I'm comin' for ya, Slate - OH SHIT, HE'S COMIN' FOR ME! *Beat* Note to self, he has more guys..."
• The first encounter with the Motorized Patriots.
  • "That is one pissed-off George Washington!"
  • "Come on, George! I cannot tell a lie, I'm going to shoot you in the e- ("George" charges his cover, minigun blazing) OH SHIT!"
  • "Mr Ple... President... You've been voted out of office."
  • "The only thing I got out of that was that I almost called George Washington "Mr Plesident." You know, because he's so happy, he's pleasident."
• At Finkton Docks, Jesse runs into another Motorized Patriot, and is halfway through calling it George when he realizes that it's actually modelled on Ben Franklin.
  I-AM-HERE-FOR-YOUR-WHORES.
• While exploring the Shantytown, with its "keep your guns, we need food" sign, Jesse realizes he might be responsible for Columbia's food shortage.
• "Wait, they've got minotaurs, now?!"
• In yet another encounter with Motorized Patriots, Jesse finds himself fighting a Vox Populi-aligned version modeled after Abraham Lincoln. After taking a few potshots at it with his Hand Cannon - and laughing over the fact that he's trying to shoot Abraham Lincoln in the head - he realizes that Elizabeth can summon a Motorized Patriot of her own to fight it... but this one's modeled on George Washington. Cue massive squee attack as the two mechanized presidents square off. George Wins.
  Jesse: George Washington vs Abraham Lincoln! Goooooooo History!
• His response to hearing the "Whispers Through The Walls" voxophone, which implies that the Lutece Twins are really just the same person, but from different dimensions.
  Jesse: HOOOOOOOOOOOOLD THE PHONE!
• While he's about to board the gondola to Comstock House, Jesse takes the time to poke around before deciding that it probably isn't a boss area.
  Jesse: Is there a reason to be up here? Besides the fact that things look cool. Nope, I don't really see one... unless I'm about to get into a fight, but that seems unlikely, 'cause I've killed literally everyone... Alright, here we go-
  Songbird: SCREEEEEE!!
  Jesse: OH GODDAMMIT!

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

• Jesse's constantly competing with Rex Power Colt's one-liners.
• Jesse correctly predicts Rex's dialogue during a scene with Dr. Darling in Part 3, when Dr. Darling is offering an injection to make him as powerful as the Big Bad.
  Rex: No, Doc. No way. I swore an oath to a special lady.
  Jesse: Lady Liberty.
  Dr. Darling: Your... wife?
  Jesse: Say it.
  Rex: No, lady liberty
  Jesse: yea-ha-hahhh! America!
  Rex: She taught me that winners... don't use drugs.
  Jesse: Fuck yeah!
• Jesse takes a quick, terror and rant-filled ride down a river in a jet ski in Part 9. It ends when he rides right into the mouth of a mutant crocodile.
• Jesse's glee throughout the Battle Armored Dragon Assault Strike System portion of the finale.
  Battle Dragon: DO YOU LIKE RIDING ME?
  Jesse: I do, buddy!
• "Can I 'F' this guy?"

Kerbal Space Program w/ Myndflame

• The series is full of these. A large amount of the humor though comes from Clint (who is very experienced at the game) being a Deadpan Snarker to Jesse, who is practically new at the game.
• In part 3, Jesse wants to send a Space Butterfly themed rocket to the moon. To which Clint has already prepared one but much to his objection, Jesse decides to make his own. The results of their first launch are expected.
  Clint: *mocking Jesse* "Or we could just build a Space Butterfly!"

Dead Space 3 w/ Dodger

• You know a Let's Play is off to a good start when the first gunfight after the prologue ends with this:
  Unitologist: AAAAH! *BOOM*
  Dodger: What.
  Jesse: Bane just blew himself up on the top of my damn car!
  • From the same video, the elevator song is back—this time as a duet.

Cube World w/ Wowcrendor

• Part 3: Jesse and Crendor come across a castle named Sesel Palace; their first attempt to enter ends with them getting murdered by a small army of very powerful, very angry humans.

Saints Row IV w/ Wowcrendor

• In the prologue levels, the guys make sure to destroy all the terrorists' beverages.
  Jesse: Shoot all their styrofoam cups, too, we can't let them have any - (cracking up) - if anyone survives, they're gonna die of thirst.
  Crendor: They can't have any American things, and if there's anything that's American, it's styrofoam cups.
  • And right after they're done, Crendor (and, in a moment, Jesse) spot a grafitti on the wall, the lower part of which says "CAPITALIST", while the upper has a rocket with the word "PIE" drawn on it. Seconds later, Jesse comes to a shocking realization...
    Jesse: Is PewDie... Is PewDiePie a terrorist?! Oh my god!
  • Jesse gets his first glimpse of Crendor's character. It sets him laughing so hard he has to leave the room.
    Jesse: (laughing hysterically) Look at you! Is that...
    Crendor: Listen, my guy had some tough times in his life.
    Jesse: I'm gonna pee! I'm gonna —
    Crendor: When he became president —
    Jesse: Oh, shut up! (has to leave the room for a moment)
    Crendor: He had a trip to Jamaica, but during that period he dyed his hair pink because everybody was doing it, right? So then he dyed all his facial hair pink, which if you look close enough you can see he got the hipster 'stache. That's because he had a hipster stage where he worked at a coffee shop. Then —
    Jesse: (still laughing) Blue man! What happened to you, blue man?
    Crendor: Then he got his place in office so he decided to go full-out rep America.
    Jesse: I'm glad you did that.
• In Part 2, Jesse and Crendor's reactions to the 50's sitcom-esqe simulation. They even try to act accordingly at first!
  • Jesse slightly being rejoiced by seeing a Genki clock - up to the point he refers to the developers to make it a real thing.
  • Jesse getting control of the car, and immediately using it to run over Mario. And shortly afterwards, Colonel Sanders.
  • A pair of motorcycle-riding Creepy Twins are declared to be Billy and Jimbob Hitler.
• Almost at the beginning of Part 3, Crendor gets bushwhacked out of nowhere by a random lady. Followed immediately by Crendor running people over while Jesse sings "Safety Dance."
  • Over the course of the video, Crendor's tendency to get distracted drives Jesse steadily insane.
  • Jesse and Crendor contemplate the mystery of the rogue roll of toilet paper. And then laugh at some more Artificial Atmospheric Actions.
  • Crendor finds Headphone Hank and Hitler... off-camera, because Jesse ditches his ADD ass.
  • Jesse finally snaps.
• In Part 4 the boys do some Insurance Fraud, running face-first into incoming traffic to "What is Love." They're pretty terrible at it (Jesse flopping around in the back of a truck aside) and Jesse concludes they've failed, until "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" starts playing, Crendor triggers Adrenaline Mode to send the mission into overtime, and in a simultaneous CMoF and CMoA they cartwheel their way to victory
  • Jesse's Reggae Tank Mayhem.
• It took until Part 5, but...
  Crendor: HOLY SHIT I FOUND HITLER!
  • As the YouTube comments point out, the fact that Jesse repeatedly uses his Super-Speed to search for a crappy car to take to their destination. Jesse and Crendor respond that superpowers run out, and cars are cool, and then Jesse tells a story about how Harrison Ford created the Model T after using Steven Spielberg's time machine.
  • The Return of Sad Panda.
  • Synchronized, nude, post-People Pod puking.
    Jesse: I saw your butt and now I'm puking. "It's... so... blue!"
    Crendor: Uhh, I look like cotton candy.
• Part 6 ends with Jesse's brief but... memorable rap.
  • A bit before that, they explore the spaceship and find the room with the mattress, whip and Bow Chicka Wow Wow soundtrack.
    Jesse: Kinzie, what is happening on this ship? What are you and Keith doing while I'm in The Matrix?
• Part 7 has Crendor obsessed with a "golden pokeball," going on a wild chase after one while Jesse gets his ass kicked by toilets.
  • When they decide to customize their gang, they conclude that since they're in the Matrix, their team should be made up of nothing but Big Purps.
• Part 8 is entitled "Crendor, I Hate Thee" for reasons that should be obvious.
  Jesse: (bleeding out) I just wanna point out, once again, I died, and you were not within a thousand meters of me.
  Crendor: Well, that's because I created the greatest car.
  Jesse: That's swell and all, but...
  Crendor: Don't worry, I'm on my way. Where are you?
  Jesse: ...God dammit. (dies)
• Par 9 has Jesse's reaction to finally finding his old outfit.
  • Crendor's new look is a thing to behold.
  • Guest starring Jesse's fire alarm.
• In Part 10, the guys revisit Fraud, and this time they end up getting gold rank. Jesse pulls off some insane combos. It is epic.
• In Part 11, Jesse comes dangerously close to failing a carjack mission.
  • The episode is titled "What is Even Happening?!" because, well...
  • "America is definitely not a race."
  • Crendor's end-of-episode rap is about how bad Jesse's end-of-episode rap was.
• Episode 12 starts with Jesse being overjoyed at getting "HAN. SOLO. PISTOLS."
  • When CID demands a new body, Jesse asks "can we just use Pierce? I mean, I assume he's doing nothing of value..."
  • "I'M GETTING IN HIM! I'M INSIDE OF HIM! YESSS! D! S! I S'D THE D! WOOOOO!"
  • Jesse's attempt to "romance" CID accidentally turns into a three-way.
• In Part 13, Jesse points out that he and Crendor were totally silent and listening to instructions for the first time all game, because "when it comes to Genki, I am all ears."
  • Jesse's reaction to the Sadistic Choice homage/parody (while Crendor's character jogs circles around him):
    Jesse: Vis-a-vis the Architect in The Matrix, predominantly, pertubulantly, the introspective nature of the human race vis-a-vis gargantuan balls, vis-a-vis suck it.
  • Their response to seeing Matt post-uncorking.
    Crendor: He's like us when we got out.
    Jesse: Yeah, gooey. Gooey and filled with shame.
    Crendor: Like a Cinnabon.
  • Jesse unknowingly makes a Star Wars reference at the same time the game does.
• Making conversation in Part 16.
  Crendor: I bought new sweat pants.
  Jesse: In the game, or in life?
  Crendor: In life.
  Jesse: Why is that relevant to right now?
  Crendor: I'm wearing 'em.
• Part 19 covers Shaundi's loyalty mission, which Jesse and Crendor both enjoy. Highlights include Jesse's driving, a herd of Big Purps in the wild, an odd story from Crendor about kids at a mall playground getting tackled, and a boss fight that consists of Jesse repeatedly kicking a DJ in the crotch.
• Episode 20 is Pierce's loyalty mission, with an already hilarious moment when the Boss and Pierce are "singing" along to "Say You're Just a Friend" before Zinyak chimes in to troll them, but when Jesse and Crendor sing along too the resulting cacophony has to be heard to be believed. The best part is that Jesse and Crendor mistake the screaming characters for each other.
• Part 22 has Jesse and Crendor coming up with the next David Lynch movie while running a race, and failing at Cat & Mouse.
• Part 23 opens with Crendor continuing his eternal battle against the forces of Hitler.
  • An inauspicious start to an Escort Mission.
• Part 25 is aptly named "Dicks Dicking Around." It's mostly Jesse and Crendor doing sidequests, and Jesse trying to explain the difference between combos (chained attacks), combos (meal discounts), and Combos (snacks).
• Part 26 opens with Jesse mystified by an NPC. "Invisible Orgasm Lady, are you okay?"
  • Their explanations for why they still have Super-Strength in Benjamin King's simulation.
    Crendor: Makes sense. I'm like super buff on steroids-
    Jesse: I'm British, and have an anime kitty backpack.
  • A comment: "I just realized that Jesse must feel the exact same in this series as TotalBiscuit feels in Terraria."
• Pretty much the entirety of Part 27. Starting from Jesse's utter glee from the side-scroller beat 'em up that the mission consists of and just going on from there.
• Part 29 is a lot of fun.
  • After leaving Crendor to his own devices for a few minutes, Jesse reenters the simulation to find a maximized Wanted level, enemies everywhere and fire raining from the sky.
    Jesse: What are you doing? How come when I show up the world is ending?
  • "That's all that happens in Norway, bangin' and Farming Simulator."
  • A Tank Mayhem mission goes awry. What sells it is how utterly mystified Jesse sounds.
    Crendor: I died. "Use combos to score higher?" I don't have any of those!
    Jesse: How... how did you die in a tank?
    Crendor: I don't know. I got like, toaster'd.
    Jesse: How did you die in a tank?
    Crendor: I got toaster'd!
  • "And just like that, ladies and gentlemen, Crendor disconnected."
• In Part 30, Jesse's action-packed escape is delayed by Crendor, as usual, and by an alien weapon sitting on the helicopter, which is different.
  • Their reaction to the big plot twist.
    Jesse: NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    Crendor: Aw, shit! (pounds table)
    Jesse: KEITH! DAVID! NOOOOOOOO!
    Crendor: ...Did you just turn into Hulk Hogan?
    Jesse: ...Brother!
• Episode 31: Crendor starts being really negative. Jesse is annoyed and snarky about it at first, but eventually he starts trying to cheer Crendor up by saying really sappy things.
  Jesse: Wrap yourself in the trash bag of my love! LOVE!
• During Part 32, the game either bugs out or Jesse somehow skips a cutscene at the end of the "He Lives" mission, which in a way makes it even more awesome.
  Jesse: Literally, I have no clue - I think Rowdy Roddy Piper just broke the game.
  Crendor: I think he did. He was like "We gotta beat him up!" And then it was like, the game was won.
  • "I'm gonna go punch that fairy in the butthole."
• In Part 1 of "How the Saints Save Christmas," the boys enjoy the nostalgia of being back in the 50's simulation.
  Crendor: Ah, such a simpler time, when people didn't show their anger in public and instead drank at home.
  • In Part 2, Jesse attempts to Solid Snake into a secure area.
  • In Part 3, there's a bit of a misunderstanding over their mission of spreading holiday cheer.
    Jesse: We gotta get them drunk?
    • Jesse and Crendor discover the true meaning of Festivus.
    Jesse: Get over here, I'm gonna punch you in the damn face.
    Crendor: No.
    Jesse: Yes. Right up your butt, I'm gonna stick it up your butt.
    Both: (start singing "Duel of the Fates" while killing each other)
    • "Can I throw the people at the presents?" (splat) "No."
    • Songs of the season.
    Jesse: Fiiiive roast beef sandwiches!
    Crendor: Four Arby's stores, three bathrooms, two curly fries, and a heart attack on Christmas Day.
• In Part 37, for the final mission, Jesse unveils an incredible new weapon.
  Jesse: I've been saving it, for a moment where we needed it most. A moment like this - well, I'm out of ammo, shit.
  • Though it ends up derailing the "co-op" part of the campaign, they have a fun reaction to a Game-Breaking Bug.
    Jesse: Alright, don't get killed by shrapnel.
    Crendor: That's a good idea. (dies)
    Jesse: Also, aww, "The Touch" is gone - did you just die?
    Crendor: What?!
  • Bringing some honesty to the Boss Banter.
    Zinyak: Only your pride makes you think the Saints could defeat me!
    The Boss: Zinyak, this isn't pride. This is wrath!
    Jesse: Although I am capable of all the sins.
• "Enter the Dominatrix" is just a great way to end the series.
  • A moment of self-reflection turns into sage advice for their viewers.
    Crendor: Did you ever think, like, three years ago, like "Hey, in three years my job is gonna be to talk about Future Scientists as I drive a van with a man's face on it in a computer game."
    Jesse: Know what? Strangely enough, I thought to myself, "It's possible!"
    Crendor: I did too.
    Jesse: I always knew this day would come, let's be honest.
    Crendor: Kids, only do this if you have that feeling. It means you might be a Future Scientist.
    Jesse: Who talks about driving a man's face.
    Crendor: Don't be a normal scientist, that'd be boring.
  • Jesse revised his wardrobe to fit the Matrix theme of the DLC. Crendor... did something different.
  • "Did you know that Hitler killed Hitler?"
    Jesse: I never thought I'd say this, but you smoke entirely too much reefer.
  • Crendor remembers he took a Star Wars quiz, and talks like Yoda for the rest of the episode.
  • In "Enter the Dominatrix: Part 2", Super Strength + Glow-in-the-Dark Dildo Bats = Fun.
  • The two have truly bonded over the course of this game.
    Jesse: Crendor, you'll always be my pony.
    Crendor: Thank you... I think.
• The fact that by the end of the series, Jesse has banged, or attempted to bang, every crew member on the spaceship... except Pierce. And Crendor was usually watching creepily from the background.
• This comment:
  After seeing all these comments on the Saints Row videos, I would like to be the first to welcome you all to OMFGcata, where:
  Missions=Side Quests
  Messing Around=Main Story Line

Outlast w/ Wowcrendor

• The first jump scare of the Coxtober season.
• Jesse is way too Genre Savvy for this game, constantly yelling at the main character for not turning around and leaving at the first (or second or third) sign of danger.
• Jesse and Crendor pretending that Chris Walker is that guy on the ghost hunter shows that keeps yelling "Come and fight me, ghosts!"
• In part 3, Crendor reaches over and taps Jesse on the back freaking him out.
  • They find the naked twins at the end.
  Jesse: That is definite penis. I wanna go back to when it's blurry!
  Crendor: I'd like to veto this whole process.
• In Part 8, when Jesse successfully escapes from and kills Dr. Trager, both he and Crendor are Flipping the Bird at him.
  • While on the run from Chris Walker, Jesse gets into a locker to hide while Walker is right there. The game glitches and Walker never opens the door. Jesse & Crendor wave at him.
    Jesse: I feel like it's the end of Independence Day.
  • They wait long enough that a "2000 Years Later" card is edited in. Immediately after Crendor discusses What Measure Is a Non-Cute? in relation to Walker.
• Part 12: Jesse & Crendor's reactions to watching Hitler Ghost, a.k.a. Walrider, tear up Chris Walker, who they've spend the last couple episodes developing a special hatred for. Crendor starts clapping.
  Jesse: You can't applaud Hitler Ghost!
  Crendor: Why not?!
• Jesse and Crendor confused and raging about the ending.
  Crendor: Even David Lynch would play this game and be like "What just happened at the end I don't understand."
  Jesse: *laughing* Well you see David: this game was like a river. A river of idea fish. And the creators caught those idea fish, but ate them before they had time to lay the, the brain seeds.

Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death

• The Running Gag of Jesse singing "MARLOW BRIIIIIGGS!" whenever he opens a door, and then getting annoyed when there's no one on the other side of it to hear him doing it.
• In episode 4, he ends up defeating a boss in 5 seconds when he accidentally knocks the guy off the platform.
• In episode 9, he tries out the ice power up and winds up getting a 100 hit combo, this causes the mask to go into a massive rant about how awesome Marlow is, to the point he drowns out the plot.

Tokyo Jungle

• During Part 3 when he starts playing the lost fawns searching for their mother.
  Jesse: I'm saying right now if I get there and the she's dead I'mma be pissed off at that Bambi shit. Oh, by the way, spoiler alert for Bambi...
  • Jesse compares sneaking past hyenas to Metal Gear then cracks up upon discovering the sequence invlves hiding under a box.
  • Jesse gets killed but the second deer, still being attacked by the hyena, is immune to harm (due to later needing to die in a cutscene).
    Jesse: Brother! If you were impervious to harm you should have led!
  • Jesse sees a velociraptor (after chanting "No monsters. No monsters")
    Jesse (while laughing): What?! Why is there a velociraptor?! This is un- this is even imposisble! It's not unbelievable. This is impossible! How am I supposed to- Oh my God!
• Jesse encounters Kangaroos and rabbits, armed with boxing gloves.
  Jesse: Oh no, ohh no! They all got boxing gloves. Why do the rabbits have boxing gloves?! Who puts boxing gloves on rabbits?!
  • From the same episode, Jesse's inability to say Pteranodon. Followed immediately after by a lion club seeing a Pteranodon and running to its mother:
    Lion Cub: Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom! Guess what I saw! Guess what I saw!
    Lioness: Oh my God... Dear diary, please kill me.
• Jesse's raging in part 10 as Act 11 of the story mode quickly turns into That One Level for him. At various points he devolves into Angrish and you can hear him throwing the controller down or banging on a desk in frustration, or breaking down as the game starts him far back.
  Jesse: Where's Scar? Where the fuck is that piece of shit? I am gonna kill him. I'm gonna personally murder his face right off.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• Part 7 begins with Jesse explaining how some commenters told him that not every secret appears on AR. Meaning from then on, he'd be spending much, much more time scouring the levels for loot. He repeatedly insists that the viewers brought this on themselves.
• Jesse's freak-out during part 15 during the boss rush before Sundowner.
  Jesse: *Having just destroyed Mistral's body double* Well that shit just occurred and it was kinda freakin' awesome! Also? Her robot body? Still pretty sexy, just sayin'.
  *Beat then Monsoon's body double ambushes Jesse and begins ripping him apart.*
  Jesse: OH MY—WHAT!? *Laughing* Oh COME ON!
  Boris: And a spare Monsoon? Well, if it's AI-controlled it should pose no problem for you, yes?
  Jesse: Oh my god, what are you talking about!? This is a problem for me!
  *Monsoon beats the tar out of Jesse more*
  Jesse: *Disbelieving laugh* Oh my god...Yep, this is a problem for me.

South Park: The Stick of Truth

• Episode 1: Jesse's overdramatic opening narration.
• The Running Gag of him going in every shower and pooping in every toilet he sees.
• His interaction with Ned at the start of part 6.
  Ned: You remind me of a guy I served with in 'Nam.
  Jesse: *Imitating Ned's voice box* Thank you.
  Ned: Remember you can legally kill anything in self-defense.
  Jesse: They're coming right for us.
  Ned: Do you need to borrow my voice box?
  Jesse: *Speaking normally* Nope! Got it covered!
• It takes a while, but in Part 7 Jesse finally finds the fart button.
• Jesse's absolute refusal to, when given the option, skip past Jimmy's stuttering attempts to say the words "enchantment" & "destiny"
  Oh I'm not skippin' this. Nope. I'm putting the controller down. Let's see how far down the rabbit hole we go.
  • He enjoys it so much that, in part 13, he doesn't seem to even realize you can't skip an instance that occurs during a side-quest.
• Part 10 begins with a disclaimer:
  Jesse: Warning: The following episode contains... Butt Stuff. If you don't what that means or you have a problem with... Butt Stuff, then don't watch because you will be offended. But if you made it through, like, episode 2 of South Park back in the 90s, you should be okay. But remember.. Butt Stuff!
  • Jesse gets an alien helmet, immediately recognizes its resemblance to a Dragon Ball Z scouter, and dyes it accordingly.
• Jesse cracks up watching the New Kid staring blankly ahead at the screen:
  "I don't know why that's so funny to me! His expression's just like 'Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this to yourself?' *giggles* Shut up, Internet! I thought it was funny."
• Jesse sees Jimmy now has the ability "Brown Note:"
  Oh my God, I wanna see a Nazi Zombie shit himself!
• The aptly titled part 18 "Don't Watch This" has this preface, where he starts out strongly before quickly deflating. His reaction once he reaches a certain point explains it all.
  Warning! The following episode will scar you for life. Don't watch this. If you have kids in the room, do NOT let them watch this. This is one for adults only. Go watch kittens on the Internet. Don't watch this episode.
• Jesse summoning Mr. Slave inside his own asshole.

Diablo III: Reaper of Souls

• After speaking to Ivy, an NPC whose husband was killed in the Big Bad's initial attack, Jesse meets another NPC:
  Male NPC: At long last, a hero comes to save us. That won't bring my wife back, though, will it?
  Jesse: (singsong) I know a lady who's single! (normal) If you're lookin'.

Yesterday

• Jesse's escalating Big Whats in part two when the early plot twists start kicking in.
• During the initial scene between John Yesterday and Henry White:
  Jesse: What I thought was a game about a nerdy hero turned out to be a game about a nerdy ginger villain. Ooh, this is even more exciting!

Wolfenstein: The New Order

• Jesse puts his Bond One-Liner skills to work:
  Jesse:*shoots a Nazi sailor in the head* Something something semen joke!
• Jesse begins quoting "Never Hesitate" whenever he gets a knife kill, despite being unable to remember what movie its from.

Among the Sleep

• Jesse deciding he's going to sneak around in the bushes "like a baby Metal Gear Solid".
  Jesse: Baby Snake they'll call me!
  • Just the way he's so tactical about the whole thing with keeping himself in cover to hide from the monster(s), considering he's playing a two year old. It makes the game slightly less scary - but only slightly.
• Jesse's first encounter with the monster and first proper jump scare.
• Jesse and the Top Hat Fish. He can't resist the obvious joke...
  Jesse: (as the fish) Let me tell you about fov sliders!
• Saying a drawing looks like Slenderman in a hat.

Resident Evil 6 w/ Cryaotic (Chaoticmonki)

• In the first episode, Cry decides that since Leon was forced to shoot the zombified President, he gets to become the next president.
  • Cry and Jesse's response to seeing Helena pick up a phone.
    Cry: Is it bad that when Helena picked up the phone she looked at it, I just imagined her seeing a dick pic?
    Jesse: That's why he came back for it
    Cry: He's like "shit!"
    Jesse: "Oh, I forgot that!"
    Cry: "Awkward, fuck..."
  • While investigating piano music, they come across a door with a Bloody Handprint.
    Cry: (gasp) Look at, look at, look at it!
    Jesse: It's a bloody hand.
    Cry: Two of 'em, three of 'em, several of 'em.
    Jesse: Oh she could be in there playing the piano as a zombie? That's talented.
  • Jesse's comment that jump scares don't scare him turns into Tempting Fate when a Scare Chord plays and it's Cry's appearance that startles him.
• In Part 2, after realizing everyone on a campus has been infected...
  Jesse: Oh no. OH NO. Zombie college students!
  Cry: Ah shit! Wait! That means we're going to get so much free beers!
  Jesse: Zombie beers.
  (both crack up)
  Jesse: I don't know what that means!
  Cry: It's such a stupid idea! I love it!
  Jesse: [...] Oh no, lecture halls!
  Cry: Zombie lecturers!
  Jesse: This is going to be the worst!
  • Made even funnier when a zombie lecturer really does show up.
  • Cry, playing Helena, keeps getting goodies like shotguns and grenades from zombie enemies.
    Cry: Dude, you know how like you play MMOs, you play as a female character and you get a bunch of free shit because people are like "oh my God, girl!"
    Jesse: Are you saying these zombies are like "girrrrrrl... yaaaaay, girrrrrl!"
• In Part 3, the true enemy isn't the zombies, but the trains.
  • The boys take the time to criticize a dead woman's posture and fashion sense.
• By Part 4, Jesse's wondering "why is every bad driver in the city out right now?"
  • The boys get so distracted by a newscast's terrible animation that they don't notice who they're watching it with.
  • This is why you don't fight next to gas stations.
  • Cry finds a particularly ironic way to die. Even better from his point of view.
• At the very start of Part 5, they both instantly spot the Obviously Evil bad guy, Cry is incredulous at how their vehicle derails, and Jesse wonders why they picked a bus without any seats.
  • "We really are the worst people to be around during the apocalypse."
  • Cry laments that they "built such a strong bond with those people, too," and with Jesse mourns the loss of Screamy Girl, Cop Guy, Boyfriend Who Died, Old Man, and Japanese Guy.
• In Part 6 the guys have a lot of fun saying the name of Helena's sister Deborah.
• In Part 8 and Part 9, Jesse gets to face his greatest fear - sharks.
  Jesse: Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
• The secret identities Jesse and Cry think up for Leon and Helena - Noel K. Sennedy and Halena Harper.
• Part 11 is named after a Quick Time Event Jesse repeatedly fails at.
  Jesse: (angrish)
  Cry: Let me, let me go first, see if I can do it-
  Jesse: NO! I'm doing it, it's a matter of principle now!
  • The two figure out that they need to open a door by smashing an electrical current, but not that they shouldn't try this with their feet.
• Part 12; Jesse and Cry find themselves on the Helena/Leon side of the dreaded "killer Roomba room". It seems they've conquered the trap and beat the section! Our heroes seem to have a moment to catch their breath. Then all hell breaks loose.
• By Part 13, Jesse has officially Given Up On Logic and is no longer even trying to follow the game's plot.
• That moment in Part 14 when they realize they're actually playing through a Leon/Ada/Simmons love triangle.
  • Jesse gets downed, revived, and killed immediately.
    Cry: What the fuck?! This guy has more fucking forms than a goddamn Final Fantasy boss!
    Jesse: Seriously, this is - I don't even know how to describe what's happening now. I'm fighting the ex of my goo-baby lover...
  • When the villain meets his end upon an obelisk that seemingly exists solely for that purpose:
    Cry: Killed by the one thing he loved...
    Jesse: ...What, what would that be?
    Cry: Do you - (sigh) - my joke makes as much sense as this fucking game, okay?
  • After the credits, they debate who to ship Leon with.
    Jesse: Aw, did Leon and Ada get together? Awww...
    Cry: ...Maybe?
    Jesse: But I wanted Helena/Leon, because she was there, and alive, and not a goo-baby.
    Cry: I, I'd personally go for Helena as well.
    Jesse: Right? Ada's nice and all, but she's a little crazy. She has a Batman fetish going on, I'm just saying.
• Part 16: "I'm not gonna lie - this segment sucks." Immediately followed by Jesse going berserk.
• Part 17, while collecting data drives, the two argue over when to suspend their disbelief.
  Cry: Y'know... I don't know how the hell we're finding these things. Like, realistically-speaking-
  Jesse: I work for the government, don't question it. Look, this is what you're gonna question? Out of all the things in the game, this is the thing you're questioning?
  Cry: Yeah, yeah, 'cause I lose things all the time-
  Jesse: Portable memory devices, things that could have tracking - the one thing that could possibly have tracking chips in it, that's what you're gonna question?!
  • "What is happening? The more I beat that guy up, the more his clothes came off! This isn't an anime game!"
  • Jesse becomes a toboggan.
  • "Now I understand. This game is just shit."
• Most of Part 18, aka the snowmobile part, since it's basically Jesse and Cry wrestling with the bad design of the game and flipping out.
  Jesse: (''cackles'')
  Cry: Exactly.
  Jesse: That's not the laugh of a man who's happy, that's the laugh of a crazy person.
  Cry: That's the laugh of man who's just like, "I've nothing left to lose" - WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT?! WHAT?!
  Jesse: (cackles)
• In Part 20, when Sherry changes her outfit and angrily walks past Jake, Jesse dubs over her, "you didn't even notice my Nathan Drake cosplay, I'm out."
  • When an enemy is mutating, Jesse says he's mutating into something awful. Cry says nobody goes there anymore.
• In Part 21, the two spend substantial time and energy trying to figure out how to get at an assault rifle locked behind a puzzle, before giving up and going to trigger a cutscene. When they backtrack, the room is still there, but the gun has vanished. They sound more impressed than angry about the game's assholery. And possibly dead inside.
  • After a long and stupid boss encounter, Jesse nearly Rage Quits. But Cry knows just what to say to rally his spirit.
  • "That goddamn gun would've been real helpful. That would've been a real helpful gun. That would've been a REAL HELPFUL GUN, GAME."
  • After finally clearing the stage and viewing their scores, they receive a baffling message.
    Jesse: Got "Bear Commander?" Wh- wait, what?! What does that even mean, "Got Bear Commander?!"
    Cry: I don't know!
    Jesse: What is even happening in this game?!
• It takes less than two minutes of Part 22 for the "what the fuck?!"s to start flowing.
  • They also recognize how the game is inverting a Plot Tailored to the Party.
    Cry: (laugh-sobbing) No-ho-ho-ho-ho! Why me? Why me?! I don't wanna - I can't drive!
    Jesse: Well, I have to shoot, so, we're totally screwed.
  • Jesse's continuing misunderstanding of Asian culture. He constantly gets Japan and China mixed up, and interprets a poster as advertising a movie starring Jeff Goldblum in The Geek, about a giant baby-monster.
• In Part 23, they encounter a foe that succeeds where countless zombies, soldiers, dinosaurs, and sharks have failed.
  • Jesse unveils his new Bond One-Liner: "Eat a wiener, monster!"
  • An unkind comparison leads to Jesse roleplaying as Cry's Grandma.
  • They're still Looking for Love in a "Survival Horror" Game.
    Cry: Dude, I'm saving you.
    Jesse: That's love, right there. Someone's kissing someone in this game, trust and believe.
    Cry: Well, did Leon get a kiss or not?
    Jesse: No! They were like, "Sorry, I'm in love with a goo-baby." That's how that story ended.
    Cry: Damn.
• In Part 24, Cry decides "you know, this game's not bad, it's just terrible".
  • They get really excited during a potentially romantic moment between the characters, leading Jesse to (try to) sing "Kiss the Girl."
  • When they re-view a cutscene with Leon and Helena, Cry gushes that "Past!Us is so cool."
  • After Sherry and Jake wake up captured (again) in an underground lab...
    Jake: What the hell just happened?!
    Jesse: Goo-babies.
    Cry: Goo-babies.
  • A Seinfeldian Conversation about cereal culminates in...
    Jesse: Captain Crunch, for when you want rough sex.
    Cry: Exactly.
    Jesse: ...I mean, I don't even know where to go with that. I'm sure there's a rear-admiral joke in there somewhere...
• During the finale of the Sherry/Jake campaign, Cry starts accusing Jesse of being the one who built the Stupidly Elaborate Underground Base because "I need someone to be mad at right now!"
  • Cry identifies the big slimy cocoon thing as the mega-evolution of Kakuna. Or maybe it's...
    Cry: You know how there's been goo-babies? That's a goo-adult.
  • Jesse explodes with outrage when the zombie horror plot gets in the way of the romance story.
    Jesse: Aw FUDGE! There's so many wasted lines! God dammit. [...] The line was gonna be "you know you're not your father," that was gonna be The Line! Right? 'cause that's how they're romantically involved!
  • During the no-more-ridiculous-than-anything-else-in-the-game boss fight with the Ustanak, Jesse declares he's supporting Cry through The Power of Love.
  • After the final fight with the Ustanak, the boys decide that it's not dead, and the ending will see it riding a wave of lava at them as they ride a train car out of the Elaborate Underground Base. They are immediately proven to be completely right.
  • Jesse and Cry squeeing the moment when Jake grabs Sherry's hand to help shoot the last bullet.
    Jesse: That's like kissing.
    Cry: Awww, the Quick Time Event was the button for co-op, that's adorable.
  • ...And again a minute later when Sherry takes Jake's hand. They basically turn into fangirls for the rest of the video, picturing their perfect post-credits scene: Jake and Sherry at their wedding, the recurring boss shows up again but is the one officiating their marriage, they all smile and wink at the camera after tying the knot, goo-baby Ada Wong grabs the bouquet, and Leon's in the background facepalming. When that doesn't happen, Jesse is pissed, and accuses the writer of being a 13-year-old-boy with a motorcycle fixation. Then they get distracted by what was in a box on the airplane seat next to Sherry.
    Jesse: What was in that box, I didn't even think about that!
    Cry: I thought, when she originally looked at it, that it was like Jake's heart and they killed him.
    Jesse: What?
    Cry: But that's a bit morbid.
    Jesse: Yeah, wow, she opens it and she's like "I love you, Jake," and kisses it.
    Cry: Yeah, that would've been a much more interesting ending in my opinion.
    Jesse: At least someone would've gotten kissed!
• The thumbnail used for Chris and Piers' campaign. Good god.
  • Either the boys are really focused or really jaded, because they don't comment when their AI comrades spend a battle doing this.
  • "Hang on, why are you all my family members? You're my grandma, you're my dad..."
  • Fun with the voice commands.
    Piers: Captain.
    Jesse: Yeah, what?
    Piers: Come 'ere. Come 'ere. Captain.
    Jesse: Hold on, hold on...
    Piers: Captain. COME HERE!
    Jesse: Whoa, shit! Yes, sir! Wow!
• In Part 27 we see that just because there's no romantic chemistry in the Chris/Piers campaign doesn't mean Jesse has stopped shipping people.
  Jesse: Good work, now let's touch each other's butts.
  Cry: I like how Chris Redfield nodded when you said that.
• Part 30 is named for Jesse's theory that Chris' amnesia isn't due to getting clonked on the head, but because he's a goo-baby.
  • The boys decide that, since the Sherry/Jake campaign was more romantic than the Leon/Helena campaign, the Chris/Piers campaign will end with the two kissing, and Ada's campaign with her and her goo-baby clone gettin' it on.
  • "Listen, you're not a goo-baby, you're a goo-man."
• At the start of Part 31, Jesse attempts to create a backstory for a corpse in an apartment.
  Cry: You are the most racist Jesse Cox I've ever met.
  • After a Jump Scare involving a giant snake.
    Cry: That's terrible. I'd be afraid if I didn't expect it.
    Jesse: This is the biggest, creepiest dentist's office there ever was.
  • Jesse tells a nameless squadmate that it's okay if he just wants to go home early.
  • By this third campaign, Jesse and Cry have played the same levels and fought the same bosses so many times...
    Jesse: There's that train that explodes, there's those boats that get destroyed...
    Cry: Oh, does that mean the helicopter's coming?
    Jesse: Didn't we already do the helicopter part? [...] So much has happened multiple times already that we don't remember what has happened where.
  • Jesse's repeated failures at one chase sequence leave him with an utter Lack of Empathy.
  • "There's literally a moment in every one of these [campaigns] that is like, 'you know, good, solid game mechanics would fix this entire scenario. But we decided to go with Frustration Running!'"
  • "Oh my God, is that the secret of the goo?"
    Cry: Your name is Christine, and I am-
    Jesse: Piers, still Piers. No difference, zero difference. And then they kiss.
    Cry: Finally, God!
• Jesse thinks the Gas Mask Mooks on the aircraft carrier look like mew-tants.
• In Part 33, their reaction to the sudden, anticlimactic end of another antagonist.
  • No OSHA Compliance taken to an idiotic extreme.
    Cry: I don't know ships that well, but do ships normally have lava?
    Jesse: Um, aircraft carriers, large lava pits, that's an affirmative. They are known - I am what you'd call a military historian...
  • "I think there will be something, there's no way it's ending like this... okay, never mind."
  • Despite ten minutes of combat and QTEs, the world is Not Quite Saved Enough, and the Zombie Apocalypse continues.
    Cry: And it's all our fault.
    Jesse: Ahhhh, your fault. Because I was in a jet at the time.
• By Part 34, Ending Fatigue is starting to set in.
  Jesse: What the shit? He turned into a monster just to die.
  Cry: Ah, man... gah. Well, you know, that's what happens when, you play this game long enough, I would've had a witty remark like twenty episodes ago, but I lost it.
  Jesse: Oh we're done, I know. Wit is gone, it's just finger-snap raps... and dreams. Dreams of a better future.
  Cry: Dreams? Dreams of this game finally being over? That's a good future.
  Jesse: One day I believe, I believe it will happen!
• In Episode 35, Cry accidentally figures out the final plot twist when breaking glas windows remind him of the Titanic.
  Cry: Oh god, it's the Titanic! Oh my god, am I gonna be Jack? Don't let me go!
  • For the finale of the Chris/Piers campaign, Jesse discovers that "every time I hate this game, it does something amazing."
  • "There we go, he's two bits! Oh God, he's two bits!"
  • We end with a Heroic Sacrifice, a Dying Declaration of Love, and Jesse and Cry singing.
  • They decide the soldier who greets Chris in the post-credits scene is Finn McPierce.
    Jesse: So the moral of that story was that he didn't quit?
    Cry: Yeah, that's what I'm taking from that as well.
    Jesse: Don't give up, kids. All your friends will die, but you will somehow make it through.
  • Just the fact that for the entirety of playing as Piers, Cry stayed "in-character" and referred to Jesse annoyingly/endearingly as "cap'n!"
• When Ada's campaign starts, it doesn't take long for the game to set the tone.
  Jesse: Why is Ada naked?
  Cry: Why not?
  Jesse: [...] Wait, why did she get naked only to get dre- you know what, I don't care.
  • They decide the co-op partner, a nameless, faceless, generic Agent, has the biggest crush on Ada but is too shy to talk to her, or even show his face due to fear of rejection. So Ada just ignores him.
  • Their reaction when they find that the Agent can't even open doors, and just teleports to the destination when Ada does something with her grappling hook.
  • Cry comments that Jesse has gone from being The Captain of one campaign to someone that the current campaign doesn't even acknowledge exists. Jesse responds that since he gets teleported to wherever Ada is after she does some stunt, now all the pressure is on Cry during the action sequences.
• Starting in Part 37 and running into Part 38, Cry is playing the game after staying up for thirty-eight hours straight. Hilarity Ensues.
  Cry: You're like this large, friendly cockroach.
  • Jesse's response whenever his character is Covered in Bees or otherwise pinned down: "Notice me, sempai!"
• In Part 38, Jesse has the ignominy to bleed to death on top of a healing herb.
  • Jesse spends some time in Loot Whore Hell, where there are plenty of crates to smash filled with nothing but bolts for Ada's crossbow.
  • "It's okay, I got this."
  • More door problems, so Jesse gets to spend a couple minutes by himself, locked in a closet.
  • "I really miss that first campaign. We got goobies. We got a love story that didn't happen. We got goobies..."
• In Part 39, Cry thinks that they might be about to repeat the Shark Level. Jesse's reaction is predictable.
  • invoked The boys figure out why none of the characters in the story ever try to take incriminating evidence with them - their pockets aren't big enough.
  • Jesse has an important question for Cry: which Ada is hotter?
    Cry: I think Ada Wong might be, just because she has that hotness of "hey, she's hot and wouldn't probably stab me with the C-Virus."
    Jesse: Here's the thing - I think the other Ada is hotter because there's a chance she would.
    Cry: ...You wanna get stabbed with the C-Virus?
    Jesse: Maybe she won't, maybe she will, that's what makes it so hot!
  • The episode gets its title from Cry talking about Asian pornography, which inspires Jesse to sing a song.
  • "I'm alive, it's okay - what? WHAT?!"
  • Cry gets to experience his version of Jesse's meatgrinder QTE nightmare. Just with more "wait, what?"s.
  • Jesse's sign-off: "You know, the more I play with Cry, the more worried for him I am."
• In Part 40, they speculate that the Agent is a Stalker with a Crush who steals Ada's spare clothing to wear and spends his nights posing with a crossbow in front of his bathroom mirror, crying.
  • They sum up the game as a "stale kind of cool," or a "sad kind of cool."
    Cry: Yeah, it's the kind of cool that reminds you of a time when things were better. But times are really bad.
    Jesse: Right? It's like seeing your favorite band, and you know they're your favorite band, and they play all their best songs and you're like, "That was awesome." But when it's over it reminds you that they used to be really really good, and you used to be much younger.
    Cry: It reminds you of your own mortality, 'cause you're gonna fuckin' die one day.
    Jesse: That's what this game is - yeah. Resident Evil 6 reminds you that one day you will die.
  • Jesse decides Resident Evil 7 should be a game where nothing happens, the player just sits in a room where Jump Scares go off.
    Cry: Oh, Five Nights at Freddy's?
• For the finale of Ada's campaign, they start to have fun with how she keeps locking the Agent behind bulkheads, only for him to reappear on the other side with no explanation.
  • The cutscenes continue to ignore that poor Agent. "Glad I helped. Wait, where's - GOD DAMMIT."
  • "Wait, what? We just got a picture of a street."
  • Agent on an elevator.
  • When facing Simmons again, they confirm that "this whole game was an awful love story."
    Jesse: Holy shit! We were just joking! But that's exactly what this is!
  • "Helena and I are just gonna sit up here and complain about how much we hate both you."
  • The Ada campaign wraps up the many, many loose ends from the other plotlines, but fails to answer one question that had puzzled Jesse and Cry since the beginning... or does it?
  • While discussing the lack of romantic fulfillment in this convoluted story about virus zombie monsters, Jesse spells out the perfect ending.
    Jesse: And then they kiss!
    Cry: The whole surprise party for Helena is to be like "surprise, your sister's dead!" But it's okay, because she gets to watch the person she has feelings for kiss another girl in front of her, while people are putting party hats on her and blowing kazoos.
  • Ending on a high note.
    Jesse: We just solved the love story in this game, everyone ends up with everyone. It is a spiderweb.
  • Or not.
    Cry: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY POST-CREDITS CUTSCENE?!
  • The post-credits cutscene that Jesse didn't get to see.
    Cry: ''explains the post-credit scene* The ending cutscene was all about Jake becoming a mercenary for apples.
    Jesse: *desperate laugh* No it wasn't!
    Cry: I swear to god!
    Jesse: You're bullshitting me! BULLSHIT!
    Cry: I promise you on everything!
    Jesse: (exhausted) Bullshit.
    Cry's view of this post-credit cutscene proving that he's not making that up.

Shovel Knight w/ The Completionist

• In episode 1, Jesse asks if he can go down the hole.
  Jesse: Is this a hole I can go down in?
  Jirard: There are rarely holes you want to try and go down in.
  Jesse: Heh heh heh, internet!
  Jirard: Heh heh... we're twelve.
  • #YouTubeMeat
    Jirard: That meat, though, that Youtube meat.
    Jesse: Ladies! Hashtag YouTubeMeat.
    Jirard: I don't think there's ever an appropriate time to say "hashtag YouTubeMeat."
    Jesse: That's why I said it. You know me, I've never been an appropriate person.
• Throughout episode 2, Jesse's increasing worry and raging about dying as Jirard convinces him to destroy the checkpoints. Coupled by, at one point, Jesse destroying a checkpoint completely without thinking about it.
  Jirard: You should see his face right now. So angry.
  • This exchange as Jirard takes over to replay the level after Jesse dies:
    Jesse: You're Spider-Man to my Gwen Stacy. How'd that work out?
    Jirard: I feel that I have betrayed you. I feel that i am now going to be Spider-Man for forever no matter what anyone says; and Mary Jane Watson and I will never be.
    Jesse: Nope I'm going to give you a Mephisto bargain and reset the universe so that marriage never happens.
  • After Jesse gets the "Get to the Point" Achievement for destroying the checkpoints in Pridemoor Keep
    Jesse: Oh, and it's only one level?
    Jirard: There's one all the levels.
    Jesse: Oh to Hell with that!
• Part 4:
  • Jesse speaks to the Dancer after defeating Specter Knight, both he and Jirard are nearly entirely silent through the dance, though apparently Jesse's face was something to behold.
    Jesse: That was fabulous!
  • Jesse dies in the Explodatorium and, upon restarting, immediately destroys the checkpoint. Cue Jirard cracking up laughing while Jesse himself wonders why he even did that, followed by several Big Nos.

Hyrule Warriors

• At the start of the playthrough we have Jesse's reaction to the lack of voice acting in the game:
  Ohhh! No crappy voice acting?! Don't worry I'll cover it.
  • From part 1: Volga's No One Could Survive That!:
    Jesse (as Volga): They certainly aren't alive after that! Smug face.
  • Jesse meets the Great Fairy:
    Jesse: Hoooly shit. Princess, look, I-I... she's very tempting. I love you but that girl got faries. Faries with explosives. I can not say no to her. (later) That fairy just unloaded what I assume is a tactical nucular strike.
• From Part 2:
  Hylian Captain: Reinforcements are here! Oh, thank goodness!
  Jesse: And then an entire army shows up, that's okay.
  • Immediately after, Impa (who Jesse is playing as) stops the action to point out some lava.
    Jesse: I was dealing a killing blow to an army... me!
  • Jesse's very excited to discover you can cut grass.
• At the end of Part 6, Jesse's caught off-guard by one of the game's Reveals.
  Midna: Lana, her face... it looks just like yours...
  Jesse: I mean, they are Generic Anime Characters, so I feel like-
  Lana: I am Cia's other half-
  Jesse: I'm sorry, her what?
• From Part 8
  • Jesse's utter bewilderment that he had been saying Fi's name wrong the entire time.
• During episode 13, the camera focuses on Cia for entirely too long. Jesse promptly forgets why they're fighting.

Shadow of Mordor

• The biggest of Jesse's mistakes would have to be the episode titled "Too Many Orcs", where a bonus objective says to Strike From Above. Jesse attempts this, only to fall onto a captain. After a few moments, Jesse is surrounded and meets another captain. And then a third one. At one point, you can hear him throw the controller to the floor.
  • At one point, Jesse kills a captain named Klimp... Only for the guy to return not five minutes later. Jesse is astounded and starts screaming.

Dragon Age: Inquisition

• Not even five minutes into the game Jesse decides he has to remake the player character in the image of Nicolas Cage (or, as Jesse called him, Nicolas Mage).
• Jesse's idea for the next game- Dragon Age IV: The Demons Have Guns.
• After hearing bards sing about Sera, Jesse is outraged that his own character doesn't have a song, so he makes one up, and even he admits it's shitty.
  There once was a man who was called Nick Mage,
  He stared at me and I felt real strange.
  So I wrote this song, to say I love him—
  Just like everyone else!

Far Cry 4

• The first time Jesse finds a small body of water, he guesses that there's probably loot on the bottom, but is nervous about entering. He spends a couple minutes wondering if there are any kinds of sharks that live in the Himalayan mountains.
• In Part 3, one of the first things Jesse does after completing the game's prologue is to open a menu and scan the available hides for anything like a "giant sharkskin."
  • Jesse Cox, rebel (kleptomaniac) hero.
• Later on, Jesse spends quite a bit of time swimming about in a lake trying to get more loot, all the while horrified that something is going to snatch him in the water, especially after accidentally tossing some bait in. A few minutes later, he learns that his next loot bag upgrade requires him to find and skin Demon Fish, which up until this point he hadn't even heard of. Something that he might have been unknowingly swimming with the entire time. You can practically hear him teeter on the edge of having a "Screw This, I'm Outta Here" moment.
• In Part 5, Jesse has an unfortunate encounter with a sherpa. A short while later, instead of boarding a hang-glider, he throws it off the cliff he found it on.
  Jesse: "(Beat) UNTRAINED CIVILIAN!"
• Jesse isn't the only bad driver in Kyrat.

Heroes of the Storm

• Heroes of the Storm - THE GREATEST UNDERDOG STORY EVER is this because at the end of the day we have four cute creatures; Brightwing, Lili, Murky and Baby Abathur with the only 'serious' character being Valla beating powerhouses like Tyrande, Tychus, Tassadar, Muradin and the Lich King. It's even more hilarious when you start to think of them as the Muppet Babies of Blizzard, with Valla as their babysitter.

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

• Jesse tests whether or not it's possible to start a romantic encounter with Yennefer.
  Jesse: We've got one more candle, and the hopes of a thousand young men on our side!

Saints Row: Gat out of Hell w/ Wowcrendor

• You can tell it's off to a great start when Jesse drives into a lava pit, managing to kill both of them even not 5 minutes into the game.
  Jesse: No matter what we do, nothing changes!
• Jesse points out that since they're in hell, Crendor might finally get the chance to punch Hitler. Crendor is very excited.
• Jesse getting fed up with Crendor's tangents and inane stories.
  • In Part 6, Jesse stops for a moment to upgrade his character, while Crendor tells a story about trying to buy The Moaning of Life but running into region-locking restrictions. A few minutes later Jesse is violently ejected from the menu screen by a fiery explosion.
    Jesse: What the hell, I just - what the hell happened?!
    Crendor: I'unno.
    Jesse: What have you been doing out here?!
    Crendor: Shootin' people.
    Jesse: Were you just calmly talking about Karl Pilkington while the world was ending around us?! There is a tank here! There is an army of demons and a tank!
• Their reactions to the drive-able machine gum armchair weapons. And then Crendor starts pretending he's Stephen Hawking while in his.
  Jesse (pretending to be a demon) The age of man has come to an end! (trumpet noises)
  Crendor I-am-no-man-I-am-Stephen-Hawking!
  Jesse (nearly wets himself laughing)
  • Crendor loves the chair so much he uses it exclusively for the rest of the playthrough.
• In Part 9, Jesse cracks up when picking up said Armchair weapon then having it appear that Johnny Gat carries it around instead of sitting

Minecraft and RPG Makers

• Jesse’s blind first foray into Minecraft. Having no idea what he’s supposed to be doing, he ends up confused and terrified.
• Slyfox and the Yogscast both have a go at trying to explain Minecraft to Jesse, with variying levels of success.
• “Damn you Cookie Monster!” The start of omzit’s Running Gag of throwing cookies in everyone’s way.
• ”Trust us, we’re Americans.”
• Meeuwes randomly starts singing a Dutch rap song where the only line in English is “Diamonds on my neck, bitch.” And he keeps going, even while Jesse and the others are making fun of him and trying to figure out what the heck he’s saying.
  Jesse:What does that mean? *Meeuwes keeps singing* '’What does that mean?’’
  Jesse:*starts singing random nonsense* I can make up gibberish words too, what does that mean? *Meeuwes ignores him and keeps going*
  Jesse:What is he doing with blintzes? He has a baby on his blintzes?
• "Don’t fall off naked baby!”
• Any of the "build days" where fans and sometimes professionals are invited on to the server to help with large scale builds. Hilarity often ensues along with the awesomeness.
• One day, Omzit shows up drunk…
  Jesse:People watching right now are probably like “Boy. Thomas is extra annoying today. Well…”
  omzit:Oh, annoying, is that what I am now?! Well thank you very f*cking much you…buh, something!
• After months of waiting, a new episode finally came out. Hilarity ensued.
  • Thomas, at Jesse's request, does a rap about pirates. Jesse then asks for a rap about Meeuwes. The result has to be censored multiple times.
  • The censor beep gets used several more times after that. At one point Lewis repeats something that gets beeped out - all we know is that he didn't know it was offensive and he somehow added a slur and made it worse.
  • The Golden Hoe.
  • "I'm trying to congratulate you and you're all cats."
• The Running Gag that they keep unintentionally building things that look like penises.
• RPG Makers: Memory Lane has everyone going back through all the old stuff they build and remembering all the stupid jokes they made.
  • Meeuwes and Jesse prancing.
  • They try out a boss fight, but since they don't have the custom mobs in yet it looks like a skeleton turns into a spider. Jesse complains/mocks them about this for the rest of the video.
• RPG Makers: BUILD DAY IS COMING!!!
  • Jesse finds a little grove out in the middle of nowhere that he's told to ignore. Obviously he doesn't, and he decides that it's going to be an Easter Egg with a circle of Omzits/Thomas' that dance once every hour, and a hidden weapon that looks like a cookie and makes more cookies.
  Jesse: This is a thing now!

Valiant Hearts

Usually the game's driving sequences since it involves classical music.

• Jesse lampshades the French being REALLY bad drivers while Anna drives a taxi full of French soldiers leaving Paris in chapter 2.
  Why is this always happening~
  I've never been to Paris IS THIS A THING?!~
  Dodging poles and other cars, HOW THE HELL I GET THIS FAR?!~
  OH. MY. GOD. NO!~
  WHAT. THE. HELL. GUYS! WHERE'D THE HELL YOU LEARN TO DRIVE?!~
  Well, I'm doing oka-AHHH!
  [laughs] This is great!
  Why are there so many guys on the road tonight~
  I don't know why OH MY GOD THERE ARE BARRELS~
  Is Donkey Kong up there, I don't know~
  Oh my god, please don't crash into me, I don't want to die!

Life is Strange

• Jesse's imitation of a random bird watching Max and Warren, with a high pitch voice.
  Jesse: Warren! It's me! I've come from the forest to warn you! You're in the friend zone!
• Reading the introductory text about actions having consequences for Episode 4, just after seeing his actions as a time traveler resulted in Chloe becoming quadriplegic.
  Jesse, while audibly upset: Life is Strange is a story-based game that features player choice where you hurt your friends.
  Dodger, same: Where you try to go back in time to make everything better but then you mess it all up again.

Resident Evil 5 w/ Cryaotic (Chaoticmonki)

• Part 1:
  • Cry is obsessed from the lense flare in the starting screen that doesn't really work. Jesse has no idea what Cry is talking about. They talk about that for three minutes.
  • When Jesse and Cry notice how high the mouse sensitivity is.
  • "Jump out the window? Alright."
• In Part 2
  • Cry casually roundhousekicks Jesse across the map.
  • They find a woman with a head mutation. Cry's biggest issue with that is that she "must give the worst kisses". And then they see what happens when she gets shot in the head.
  • The title from this part comes from Cry trying to convince Jesse to burn him alive in an incinerator.
    Cry: Pull the goddamn lever.
• In Part 3
  • They once more realize how funny the call function is.
  • They notice again how amusing the call function is, especially for Jesse since it focuses on Sheva's chest.
  • They find a "barber shop" where - according to the boys - Chris and Sheva worked at. They break into it by jumping through the window.
  • Toilet Man.
  • Cry dies and Jesse can't help him. Even funnier: watching it from Cry's perspective reveals that he pretty much killed himself.
  • Jesse gets saved from death by a guy with an axe.
  • Cry dies. It takes both a while to realize that it was not Cry's fault.
  • When they get rescued by a sniper, Jesse claims it must be Ada Wong. It is a hunky black man.
    Cry: No, it's not.
    Jesse: It could be! Ada is a master of disguise!
• Part 6: Jesse bravely confronts his fear of aquatic predators.
• Part 7 takes place in a tribal village on stilts over a croc-infested marsh. Jesse has an intense phobia of water monsters. And Cry is a troll. Hilarity ensues.
  • The best part is that if you check out Cry's footage of the incident, it confirms that he was indeed half-assing the QTE to get Jesse through the section.
    Jesse: WHY?! LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING FAST! YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING FAST! YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING FAST!
    Cry: Ah, I gotta take a breather, hold on a sec-
    Jesse: WHAT?! WHAT?! WHY?!
  • Jesse and Cry note the chemistry between Josh and Sheva, and Jesse requests fanart of the boat ride out of the level with an explosion in the background, alligators spraying water, and Chris singing "Kiss the Girl" in a lobster costume (because of trademarks). The fans were happy to oblige.
• They eventually decide Part 10 is some sort of "Sheva snuff film" given how often Cry dies as they struggle through the level's instant-death lasers.
  • The highlight may be the time Jesse manages to detonate a grenade Cry threw, in mid-air, with a rocket, thus getting around the game's usual Friendly Fireproof. It's actually kind of impressive.
    Cry: YOU SHOT ME WITH A ROCKET!!
    Jesse: It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
    Cry: YOU SHOT ME WITH A ROCKET, CHRIS!! (limps towards Jesse) LOOK ME IN THE EYE, CHRIS!! YOU DID THIS THIS TIME!! YOU DID THIS!!
    Jesse: (laughs hysterically)
    Cry: (dies)
• Part 11 starts with Cry shocking Jesse with a shock-pole.
• In Part 13's fight against Wesker and a Brainwashed and Crazy Jill Valentine, it turns out shotgun shells aren't the best antidote for mind control.
  Jesse: Focus on Jill, focus on Jill!
  Cry: Focus on Jill, you sure?
  Jesse: Yeah-yeah-yeah, I'm gonna try and get her. Just keep shooting her with my shotty. (BLAM) I love you!
  Cry: Die, Jill, die- (Jill dies) Oh my God...
  Your Partner Died
  Jesse and Cry: (ten seconds of hysterical laughter)
  Cry: (still laughing) O-kay... don't focus on Jill. That's a no-go.
  Jesse: Look, my version of Chris let her go. When she sided with his arch-nemesis, he let her go. I'm just sayin'-
• Part 15 has Jesse come across a document written by Wesker, and begins reading it out loud. He starts off reading it in an "evil" voice, only to change into an "evil old man voice", before finishing it up by reading it as Emperor Palpatine, complete with slipping in quotes from Return of the Jedi. That's funny. Then it gets hilarious when Jesse suddenly remembers a detail about Cry he learned in the last part:
  Jesse: You don't even know these jokes! You've never seen Star Wars! God damn it! God damn it, you don't even know what I'm talking about! This is all lost on you!
  Cry: (giggling profusely) Yup!
  • They try to end the boss fight against Excella with an appropriate Pre-Mortem One-Liner, but have trouble coming up with a good quote at the proper timing. Cry's delivery of "You're fired!" is perfect but the boss doesn't go down, "You'll never seek employment in this town again!" doesn't work either, so in the end...
    Cry: (dramatic voice) Excella? You're wasted - fuck! (has to break off to deal with blobs)
    Jesse: That's terrible! You got hit 'cause that's terrible!
    Cry: (dramatic voice) Let's get wasted!
    Jesse: What, no-
    (coup de grace cutscene)
• Early in the finale, Jesse is being swarmed by enemies, but Cry tries to save him with a cunning ambush.
  Cry: Okay, come on down, I dropped a proximity bomb-
  Jesse: (picks up the proximity mine)
  Cry: -so that when they come down-
  Jesse: I picked it up for some reason! Why did I do that?!
  Cry: (as they're both gunned down) God dammit, it was perfectly set!
  Jesse: It was loot on the ground! I just reacted!
  • Jesse continues to be frustrated by Cry's limited cinematic knowledge.
    Jesse: Ready?
    Cry: (sigh) I'm scared man. I'm scared.
    Jesse: You know what? You should be. You should be. That was my Yoda. (Beat) You wouldn't know what that is, either! God damn you, Cry!
    Cry: No, no, I know, actually, about the Yoda. I know that he went to, uh-
    Jesse: You called him "The Yoda." You called him "The Yoda."
    Cry: H-he was, Yoga was in Dagobah, and fuckin'-
    Jesse: "Yoga?" "Yoga?!" Yoga was in Dagobah?!
    Cry: Yoda was in Dagobah, and fuckin', he was in a swamp, and Luke was just like, "Man, how's it fuckin' goin', my uncle's treatin' me like a scruffy Nerf-herder."
    Jesse: I'm not okay with this. I'm not okay with this.
    Cry: (cracking up) I'm sorry.
  • During the first fight with Wesker, Cry attemps to distract him so that Jesse can shoot him in the back with a rocket. Jesse fires the rocket, but at the last second, Wesker dodges, which causes the rocket to hit Cry in the face.
  • They fail the QTEs in the plane with Wesker so often that...
    Cry: Okay, alright, we got this.
    Jesse: Here we go now.
    Cry: We are masters now. (beat) So wait, I fucked up on these, but now you have also fucked up on these, so-
    Jesse: Technically I fucked-up twice, so don't... no, we're still even. My neck was twisted backwards, we're definitely even.
    Cry: I sacrificed myself for the world!
    Jesse: And that's so brave of you, but my neck got twisted backwards.
  • Jesse's okay with the final level being inside an active volcano's caldera, because he knows that's where the eagles will come to rescue them. Sure enough, "Best Boyfriend" and Jill show up in a helicopter for the finale.
  • Even after Wesker is finally killed, Jesse and Cry still have their fingers on their keyboards waiting for one last QTE to screw them over.
  • At the very end, as the heroes fly off into the sunrise, Jesse still has trouble with timing.
    Jesse: And now, cue J-Pop song, go.
    Cry: Please. Please.
    (nothing)
    Jesse: And... go.
    Cry: Please.
    (still nothing)
    Jesse: And - I'll take a Wesker! Like, Wesker's like "I'll be back! In Resident Evil 7!"
    Cry: "Chrissssss!"
    Jesse: Wouldn't that be amazing, if Resident Ev-
    (distinctly non-Japanese singing finally starts)
    Jesse: Close enough, close enough.
    Cry: I think that's African, isn't it?
    Jesse: You know what? I wanted some type of music, I got some type of music. We're good.
    Cry: Yeah, it's Africa-Pop.
    Jesse: A-Pop.

The Infectious Madness of Doctor Dekker

• Jesse and Dodger begin the game, and their first interview is with Marianna, who immediately tells them about how she keeps being picked up by the police... for public nudity.
  Jesse: Dodger, hold my hand.
  • Dodger goes on to ask "How nude we talkin'", with Jesse barely containing his lust.
• The beginning parts of their interview with Nathan, wherein Jesse mistypes "Hello Nathan" and ends up with "Hell Nathan," which the game actually acknowledges as a real question.
• One of the patients mentions playing World of Warcraft. Jesse asks them a very long technical question about the game that of course includes his theory that Jaina is a Dreadlord.

Sniper Elite 4 w/ Sips

• Their unrestrained glee whenever one of them gets in a really good shot, especially if it involves knocking the guy's helmet off.
• Deciding that their characters are giving each other mouth-to-mouth when healing each other.
• Jesse and Sips' epic quest to take Hitler out with a testicle shot. They eventually succeed in the most epic way.

Dishonored 2

• Pretty much any moment involving Fishy the fish head.
• In part 24, while Jesse is skulking around the Howler's HQ, several uses of sleep darts result in the unconscious victim's body doing something weird.
  • This moment in particular.
• During part 26, Jesse is spying on some maids in the kitchen, only to watch one knock over a pot and walk away, confounding Jesse.

Cuphead w/ Crendor

• The first time Crendor reached towards the end of the Treetop Trouble Run 'n Gun section.
• "I am the Korean guy!"
  • "'C' for 'Korean'!"

God Of War w/ The Completionist

• In part three, they get to a boss that kills them multiple times. So Jesse decides to play it out like a World of Warcraft raid.
  Jesse: More dots. More dots. More dots.
• In part 16, Jesse and Jirard are reunited with the Blades of Chaos. They keep squeeing over the nostalgia and awesomeness.

Return of the Obra Dinn w/ Momma Cox

• Despite not playing with Crendor this time, Jesse is still not safe from his partner seeing Hitler in a random chracter as his mother prompts him to look at the character that looks like Hitler in a crowd photo.
  Jesse: You and Crendor see Hitler everywhere.
• Jesse and his mom quickly find humor in the twisty turny paths the mists take to direct them to the next body, especially when that same body is right next to them and the mist does need not do that much.
  Jesse: All right you don't need to be doing all that. It's right here. It's right there. It's right there, Mist. Mist, it's right there.
  Mrs. Cox: If I had this in this life, I'd go crazy if I had that Mist thing running around all the time.

God of War: Ragnarok w/ The Completionist

• The "One Hour Later" Running Gag whenever they run into a puzzle that they think will be easily solved.
• Jesse gets the feeling that there's going to be an inevitable twist, and starts interpreting every story beat as some sort of secret plot by Odin. Extra funny to those that have finished the game: the twist is that Tyr is actually Odin, which makes Jesse instantly distrusting Tyr and questioning his motives Properly Paranoid.
• Jesse asks Jirard to try out the Alfheim berserker, just to see whether it's possible to beat her at their level. She kills them in one hit.

Final Fantasy XIV

• The animation of Jessie's Lalafell character "JC Jr." walking through the various lands of Eorzea has a lot of silly moments in the background:
  • In Ul'dah, you see Moenbryda and Minfillia swooning over Urianger, whose just reading a book before passing Nero, whose posing awesomely as Cid points out the burning Magitek Armor behind them.
  • In Limsa Lomimsa, Admiral Merlywb swoons over JC as Biggs and Wedge mess with the coffee maker and Alpha gives a thumbs up.
  • In Gridania, Jessie has a stand set up filled with Alpha merchandise while some distance away, Raya-O-Senna and A-Ruhn-Senna fight over an Alpha doll with Kan-E-Senna glaring at them.
  • In Ishgard, Tataru is drunk off her rocker while Alphinaud swoons over Estinien.

Fan Fridays

The Fan Fridays are hilarious in and of themselves, as it seems the fans doing the suggesting seem to make it a point to find the craziest games imaginable for him to play. Some particularly good moments, however:

• Jesse's reactions to realizing he's playing a girl in Hatoful Boyfriend. Which also makes his not using the name Cox Hilarious in Hindsight.
• The end of the I Wanna Be the Guy Gaiden video.
  Jesse: "WHY WOULD IT EVEN DO THIS?! I SAID I WOULDN'T RAGE! I PROMISED I WOULDN'T RA-!"
  * dies*
  Jesse: *furiously pounds on desk*
  • Even better is the apparent reason the screen flipped on him at the end. All throughout the video was a notice about a new patch to the game, warning retribution if you didn't download it. When the screen flips, you see at the bottom, upside down, the text "What part of get the patch do you not understand".
• Part 2 of that Fan Friday has him playing Slender, and freaking out within seconds before he's even done anything. By the end...
  I've never been so afraid of grass rendering in my entire damn life.
  • That is followed shortly after by momentary distortion and Jesse staring at the screen in silent horror for a good ten seconds.
• From The Political Machine Rematch with Crendor: Hipster Lincoln! Jesse laughs for nearly 20 seconds straight before he can come up with a coherent response.
  • Any of Crendor's characters seems to be able to do the trick. The same thing happens in the final battle.
• Before even watching the video: the preview thumbnail for Jesse's 9/27/12 "Revenge of the Q&A" shows Jesse wearing a Bane mask from The Dark Knight Rises. Jesse is inordinately fond of his Bane-slash-Deckard Cain impersonation.
• In his second attempt at FTL, Jesse gets boarded by an attacker with the same name as one of his recently deceased crew members. ATREYU!!!
• Jesse is bad at farming.
  • Crendor and Jesse's brainstorming session for a horror/romance film called "The Mangler."
• THE MOST EXCITING GAME EVER.
  • Most of the video is Jesse failing to stop in time to pick up passengers, rambling about nothing in particular, and finally deciding to just screw it and try to derail the train. He manages to do so, AND THE TRAIN GOES THROUGH A BRIDGE.
• The Fan Friday featuring Katawa Shoujo. Pretty much all of it, but highlights include his consistent mispronunciation of the Japanese words, the cartoonish voices he gives the characters such as the teacher Mutou, and his reaction to realizing just what kind of game he's playing.
  (to the viewers who requested this game) Oh God... you dicks... you dicks... is this a game where a kid with arrhythmia actively tries to bang disabled girls? *sigh* Look, I'm gonna make the best of this but if any of you assholes out there who are gonna start writing me like "Jesse you're making humorous comments about disabled students." This is on you. This is on you, for making me play this!
  • Also, his comment on the video itself, that suggested that he kept playing and wound up getting the Bad Ending.
    So I went ahead and played a bit more today just to see about the possibility of "more". I played for 2 hours and was given 2 additional choices :P Spoiler I failed at each. I'm not sure I have it in me to suck at hitting on girls in anything but real life :P
• The Ship: Murder Party Fan "Frunday" is pretty much wall-to-wall hilarity. One of the best parts has to be when they start off playing a regular version of the game and Jesse finds himself on the hunt for Dora A. bin-Laden. Then they switch over to "World Leaders" mode server, a mod where the players must hunt down and kill various world leaders. Among them is a certain other bin-Laden. Jesse is in hysterics when he finds this out.
  • "Hey George, I hear you've been looking for me!"
  • The video was made not long after Margaret Thatcher passed away. She's one of the characters in the game mode. This being The Ship, this creates some awkward moments. Meanwhile, omzit runs through the corridors calling for Thatcher's blood whenever he gets her as a target. So many Dude, Not Funny! comments are made that one player goes so far as to suggest they ought to just make it the title, and is part of the reason Jesse calls it "The Most Offensive Game Ever".
• During the Fan Friday of Game Dev Tycoon, Jesse's hastily thrown together Take That, Critics! is his most successful game to date, cracking him up. Earlier, his most successful game was "Last Hope" (which inadvertently mirrored Square's history with the original Final Fantasy).
  • Later on, as he starts a real playthrough, it becomes clear that he is the worst namer of games on the planet—his process is just vomiting out words that sorta-kinda fit the theme and rolling with it, even the misspellings.
    Jesse: Do not... do NOT let me name a child!
  • His Game Dev Tycoon Let's Play ends abruptly when his MMO's maintenance costs exceed its profits. It's abrupt because it happens within the span of around a minute, and it's hilarious because he had around a billion dollars in the bank before he went under.
• Jesse plays Knights of Pen and Paper, a game about a group of people playing a traditional Tabletop RPG together. By the end of the video, Jesse's group members include Grandma the paladin, a hipster mage, and Woofie the cleric.
• In the Ride to Hell: Retribution video, Jesse comes across a truck he has to powerslide under. After multiple failed attempts (because the game is telling him to push what he thinks is the up arrow, when it means shift), he simply drives around the damn thing. And then there's his reaction to the sex scenes.
• Goat Simulator. The whole damn thing.
• Near the end of Völgarr the Viking, Jesse declares that if he can just finish the level, he'll be happy. He finally reaches the top of the fortress... and meets the first boss. he doesn't finish the level.
  Jesse: Son of a bitch!
• Five Nights at Freddy's: The Deadpool cupcake, and Jesse absentmindedly playing with the lights during the intro if you know how the game works You're supposed to manage your resources so that the power lasts all night. Jesse just wasted a whole bunch of it..
  • Inevitably the video ends when Freddy gets Jesse, who is trying to sing along with his song in an attempt to survive. He is interrupted mid-song and screams and babbles in terror before pausing.
  Jesse: .....FUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOU!
• The entirety of the Rocket League video, but especially Crendor's dedication to scoring a goal by bicycle kick. He succeeds beautifully in the final match.
• At the end of the Pro Gamer Manager video, Jesse pulls off a screaming Rage Quit at the game's unfairness... and screams so loud it's picked up by Dodger livestreaming in a separate room.
  Dodger: ...it's Jesse screaming "I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything. What the fuck." over and over and over again. I think he's playing Heroes. I assume he's playing Heroes. I don't know what else he would be doing.
  • And then Jesse bursts into said room to yell about the game some more.
• After Jesse finds all the secret cutscenes in Pony Island, with help from his Twitch chat, he decides he's going to save the game on a flash drive forever. It would be spoilery to explain why if you haven't watched/played the game, but let's just say this decision resulted in the chat chanting at Jesse to FREE SATAN. And then he had said chat invade Dodger's Diablo stream with said chants.

Non-Video Game Moments

• Jesse, whilst helping Rosanna Pansino film an episode of Nerdy Nummies, accidentally dropped one of the cupcakes. Large Ham ensues.
• A Running Gag throughout the The Gamestation's Free For All of Chivalry: Medieval Warfare has Jesse shouting his Battle Cry of "FALRAK IS A DOOB!!!!", followed by epic music, usually followed shortly by the music abruptly halting (sometimes with Record Needle Scratch) when Jesse dies. Made funnier later on when Jesse uses a completely different theme after the Falrak-cry.
  • The Stinger where he tries to do the battlecry with his character one last time but gets kicked into spikes mid-taunt.
• The 27th TGS Podcast in which Jesse serenades Felicia Day, who he has been a Stalker with a Crush towards for some time. Hilarity Ensues.
  Felicia: I've got to admire the effort...
  TotalBiscuit: I've got to be slightly terrified by the effort.
  Felicia: It's restraining-level order effort, like, restraining-order level effort.
  • Here it is, in it's full glory.
  • An animated version.
• Podcast #39 Jesse is introduced to Irn-Bru.
  Jesse: This stuff is like liquid meth!
  • The combination of Irn-Bru and a Boost candy bar also may have contributed to the now-legendary SqueEnix rant.
  Jesse: I'm sorry! Make a new game, you psychopaths! No one wants to play XIII — that was an unliked game to begin with! Where's Final Fantasy XV? Make that! We saw your tech demo! YOU'VE GOT DRAGONS AND SHIT! WHERE IS THAT?! This is garbage! You are such a letdown! Jesus H. Christ, you are bad! What happened to you? You were so good... You are f— you — you are the George Lucas of video games! STOP IT! STOP IT!! You're killing me inside!
• Podcast #29 had Jimquisition as a guest and as they're talking about a rather old game, it quickly degenerates to them poking fun at "old tech". Hilariously animated.
• For his fourth round in the TGS Blood Bowl League Jesse convinces both himself and The Completionist to engage in an increasingly elaborate drinking game. Guess how this turned out.
• TGS Podcast 50, while discussing his past as a teacher, Jesse tells a story in which he went back to his old school to apologize for his past Class Clown behavior, having gained a whole new appreciation for what teachers deal with. Security had been upped since he was there last, resulting in him being accosted by a guard and taken to the office. The office secretary's reaction: "Back in the office again, eh, Cox?"
• TGS Podcast 52, Jesse describing the Dungeons & Dragons game he and Dodger played while at Gemucon.
  Jesse: By hobgoblin law!
• TGS Podcast 61, TB, Jesse, Dodger and Crendor spend the last 10 minutes discussing a bad porno game.
• Almost the entirety of the Guns of Icarus Online match is hilarious, but this exchange on Jesse's ship took the cake.
  Jesse: You can shake each other's dongs later. Lets go!
  Cry: Dongs! What the hell did I miss?!
  Jesse: Well... Dodger found a mystical potion and...
  Dodger: What?
  Cry: Ahhh... Futa. I understand.
• During Dodger's 12 Hour live-stream, Jesse gets very... excited, when he learns that Husky hasn't played Left 4 Dead 2.
  Jesse, effeminately: HUUUUUSSSSKY. COME AND PLAY!
  Husky: What.
• During Jesse's livestream of Secret of Mana, he constantly makes everyone chant "FLAMEY! FLAMEY!" and banters with Strippin of the Yogscast who ends up being the only mod in the chat at some point.
  • They name the characters Suplex, LHorse (Lava Horse) and Dooger.
  • The Blue Whale joke. And even though it crosses the line way too many times, the Cinderblock joke told by Brofu.
  • Dodger's response to a question from chat. She would kill her old grandmother, marry her twin, and have sex with a guy who later turns out to be her son.
• At one Blizzcon, Jesse asked Chris Metzen and Dave Kosak (the head of creative development and lead quest designer, respectively) about a giant snake tail in a World of Warcraft dungeon. They had no idea what he was talking about since it was just something the artists threw in, but Jesse even printed out a poster-sized image of a screenshot he took of the dang thing! Then, nearly two years later, Jesse is interviewing Dave Kosak and Kosak exclaims happily "You were the snake-tail guy!"
• TB asks people to watch his Hearthstone vids so he will be more powerful than Miley Cyrus and Vevo, Jesse takes it to mean TB is going to twerk.
  • And right after they mention Hearthstone, Crendor shows up in the chat.
• At Home with Uncle Wormy. The best part is that clearly, he's put some thought into his answer before making it.
• "Talk like you're speaking language!"
• "David Cage is a golden god!" Unsurprisingly, this has been raised to Memetic Mutation status. Type David Cage into Google and look at the suggestions.
• Jesse's apparent lack of privacy in his apartment complex, seen as a series of people coming in from behind or off-camera. To date, the TGS/Co-Optional Podcast has been interrupted by his housecleaning service, a window washer, and the Marina del Rey fire department. Since Jesse works at home and is only seen from the waist up on the podcasts, he seldom wears pants, leading to interesting reactions.
• Jesse attends Blizzcon dressed as Leah from Diablo III and spends the entire time speaking in a Valley Girl accent.
  • And Crendor and Total Biscuit are both shown playing with his hair... er, wig.
  • He even goes and asks a panel questions in character!
• Jesse plays Day9 in Magic: The Gathering, and loses, to say the least.
  • Jesse putting on a random pointless accent while describing the creature he just played quickly morphs into a Running Gag about a drake flying around Europe picking up accents.
  • Day9 finally attacks Jesse, and the conversation devolves into Fantastic Racism against merfolk and eventually into Jesse just ranting about how useless all his options are. Day9 declares it the best block phase he's ever experienced.
  • Jesse consistently draws land cards and basically nothing else useful the entire game. After losing, he takes the top six cards from his remaining deck and slams them on the table. They're all land cards. Both crack up, with Jesse lamenting that they weren't playing Monopoly.
  Day9: You can't even cheat-[breaks into laughter]
• The Co-Optional Podcast, Episode 18: Crendor's incredibly fake Polaris contract(s).
• There's a Running Gag of Jesse eating foreign "trash snacks" on the Podcasts, stuff that tastes so off to people not-adjusted that it floors him. One particularly memorable time was when the candy came looking like a pill, even TB, who by this point knows how this ends but hasn't stopped it before, told Jesse not to do it. Then Jesse decided to just pour from the box, and his reaction makes you think it sent him into a convulsive fit.
• Pretty much the entire trailer for Learning Curve
• Jesse and TB host a special Christmas stream, where they play Depth, a game about sharks. TB constantly promises that Jesse gets to be the shark to own his fear, and then the game mode defaults to a King of the Hill-type mode where only one person at a time gets to be the shark...and Jesse freaks out.
  YOU SAID WE'D BE SHARKS! YOU SAID WE'D BE SHARKS!
• In episode 74 of the Co-Optional Podcast it is brought up that there are machines in Japan that jack you off. Jesse immediately tries to learn more about these machines but the others start to drift towards another topic until finally Jesse seizes control and MAKES the podcast come back to it.
  Jesse: Whoa, whoa, where are these machines at? *Everyone keeps talking* Hold the phone! Hooold the phone! Where are these machines at, how do these machines work? *Everyone still continues to talk* No, no, no, no, no! Are these like...vending machines? *Talking* Are these vending machines!? *Even more talking* WHY ARE WE SKIPPING OVER THE JAPANESE FUCK MACHINES!? *Everyone loses it* No, no, no! No, no, no! You can't move on from that! There are machines! In Japan! That jerk you off!!! We are not moving on from this! I wanna know!
• During the episode of New Canon Book Club Podcast where the boys review The Last Jedi, Jirard and Davis get into a discussion about plot holes and lore missing from the movie. This goes on for whole minutes where you can practically hear the foam dripping from their mouths as they argue with one another. Meanwhile, Jesse laughs like a madman in the background the whole time.
• At Pyrkon (Polish fantasy convention) he tried to play "60 Seconds" but because of technical problems he needed to wait. To entertain everyone he asked questions. When he asked one person about his name and heard his name was Kuba (Polish name or short from Jakub) he was silent for like 5 seconds before the room was filled with his Big "WHAT?!". For another 10 minutes he couldn't believe that and when something went wrong he shout "It was you Kuba!? It's your fault!?"
  • Next day in a live Q&A he told everyone that all day he was in giggly humor because he heard that "kupa" is shit in Polish so "koopa troopas" are shit troopers.
• While joining the New Canon Book Club for a Playthrough of Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, over the course of this episode, Jesse started noticing blatantly strange things regarding the locale they were exploring, Ilum. The fact that Imperials were on the planet, the fact they had widespread mining, and most damning of all (and what set Jesse off), a massive artificial trench. The other voiced skepticism, but Jesse begged Davis, the one with the controller, to fly back to see the planet without a storm covering the surface. Jesse's reaction when the foundation for Starkiller Base's distinctive equatorial trench came into view was one thing, but Davis's indignant reaction just made it so much better.

  Jesse: Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!

  Davis: Goddammit. I'm so pissed. It doesn't even matter, because Starkiller doesn't even USE the Death Star shit, it sucks the fucking life, out of fucking SUNS!

• New Canon Book Club play Star Wars: Squadrons, with Jesse at the controls. Because the game involves a Switching P.O.V. between two Player Characters, Jesse is allowed to customize and name both of them. He names one "Cesse Jox" and the second one "Josse Cex", which the others immediately declare to be "The most Star Wars names ever."