Funny / Jesse Cox Scary Game Squad

For all the games that are too spoopy to play alone.

Back to the main Jesse page here.

Running Gags

• "Jirard's empty drawers emporium", used to mock the fact that so many horror games make you waste time trying to find useful items by going through empty drawers.
• You're gonna die, baby!
• Australian Davis.
• Ever since Rise of Insanity, Davis being triggered by rubber ducks.

P.T.

• P.T. is known to be terrifying, even for a demo, but how afraid Davis, Jesse, Jirard, and Greg are makes it hilarious to watch. This playthrough probably ranks as one of the funnier ones you will see of P.T.
  • The fact that Davis is more afraid than the other 3 combined, to the point where he freaks out over every little thing.
• Jesse's Madness Mantra of "He shot that girl in the bathroom!" is repeated multiple times before Jirard screams that Jesse's freaking him out.
  Jesse: He shot that girl in the bathroom! He shot that girl in the bathroom! He shot that girl in the bathroom! There's water on the ground because he shot that girl in the bathroom! Oh my god! Oh my god! You're gonna get shot in the bathroom!
• The group started playing this after having gone out drinking for a while. By the first section of part 2, they regret doing so, and comment that the game has sobered them up very quick.
  • And in spite of their drinking, Jirard puts together the backstory surprisingly well, especially during the red hallway loop.

Fatal Frame

• To set the mood some of the guys talk about how they tried to play this game when they were younger but were scared so senseless by it they stopped playing it. And now here they are again...except this time they've been drinking.
• The first impressions fifteen seconds after gaining control?
  Michael: My first reactions are...it's not quite as good-looking as PT.
  Jesse and Jirard: *Giggle then burst out laughing*
  Greg: Davis, you got me.
• A lot of the first part of the series has the squad struggling with the controls, giggling, then promptly losing their shit when the ghosts start appearing. Particular note to the first scare, about seven and a half minutes in: Jirard has a minor freakout at nothing, everyone laughs it off, and then Davis has a major freakout when the actual ghost appears.
  Jirard: ROPES!
• Carrying over from P.T., Davis starts grabbing onto Greg when he gets scared. This time Greg starts gauging how scared Davis is by how grabby he gets.
• At one point, they face a ghost who disables their controls and forces the character to start walking towards them. Jirard's immediate response is "Why can't I get off?" Everyone else starts laughing, partly at how immature they're being.
• Greg reveals he used to fantasize about ghosts. Everybody immediately gets on his case about boning ghosts and spirits, and leads to them creating #Ghostbone.

Slender: The Arrival

• Before the main playthrough, they played a bit of the beginning to see if it was "still scary". Spoiler: it was.
• Threatening to stab Slenderman multiple times.
• At one point they intentionally walk straight towards Slenderman intending to take him on (even thought they know full well that's not in the game mechanics). Luckily for them it was still early in the game so he just disappears.

Until Dawn

• A comment about how filthy rich the Washington family are leads to absurd faux-Wild Mass Guessing that the Washington parents had Hannah and Beth driven off the cliff at the beginning to cut their expenses down from three kids to one.
• When Chris is prompted to shoot either himself or Ashley, they decide based on an in-game hint that they should do neither, and break into loudly singing "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy over Chris and Ashley screaming as they let the decision timer run out.
• Wendingoes will eat your baby.
• Alex threatening to leave multiple times; mostly over whether a skeleton will come to life.
• In part 6 the gang fires off a quote from Disney's The Haunted Mansion.
• The gang often scares themselves more than the game does. Jirard's loud, abrupt Homer-esque screams frequently cause the others to freak out, and he even goes into random hyperventilation at one point. Davis is no better, and Jesse, rather appropriately, introduces him as "The Scream Queen" at the start of the run.
• Alex occasionally gets amazing one liners out despite his extreme terror:
  Davis: Somebody put Jesse to bed.
  Alex: Dude, we all need to go to bed, it's almost dawn.
• In part 7 they even call a Jump Scare when the flim projector is showing Chris and Ashley clips of the prologue's Deadly Prank - they correctly guess Hannah's face will turn into a Nightmare Face. It still gets them.
• The sheer amount of hate Jesse heaps on Emily, repeatedly stating he doesn't care if she lives or dies and sometimes even encouraging Jirard to make choices that will almost certainly get her killed. And calling her "the Cartman of the group".
  • Their reaction to Emily going full Ungrateful Bitch during her police interview in the credits is amusing, especially since Jesse called it would happen.
• Alex suggests they "slip a little tongue" to Beth's severed head. Jesse immediately declares that Alex has had far too much to drink.
• The gang freaks out a little too easily towards the totem premonitions, initially believing them to foretell events that are imminent upon the totem's discovery. They spend the better part of wandering around the lodge in the early game worrying about people losing fingers or getting blown up when those events don't occur til much later.
• The boys had a good time in part 2 butchering the opening lines of Nickelback's "Photograph" song in multiple ways.
• While the squad did an amazing job of figuring the story out extremely early, towards the later episodes they are so dead drunk that they can barely formulate their theories, leading to such hilarious stuff such as Davis explaining that Hannah "takes pop quizzes too, she is crazy enough to eat her sister".
• In the bonus video, the gang mentions a comment from an earlier video that predicted they would be exceptionally smug after learning just how well they nailed down the plot of the game. They confirm that yes, this video is going to be that moment of self-satisfied gloating. "Niener niener suck on my wiener," indeed.
• Alex guessing Chris is the killer because the game describes him as methodical.
• When the gang check on Ashley's stats after the infamous slap, they lose it when they notice that despite him terrorizing Ashley and punching her in the face twice, Josh has the highest relationship status besides Chris.

SOMA

• Jirard plays the brain-injured protagonist "in character" which consists of picking everything up and scattering it around, pulling a chair across a building and throwing stuff around. He spends most of episode 2 carrying around a fire extinguisher, simply because the game allows it.
• It takes Davis 40 minutes to notice Munchie's name and break out laughing about it.
• Tentacles, mysterious goop, putting your hand into quite interesting looking holes - this game was made for these boys.
• The gang having a never-ending conversation about nipples remaining completely motionless and staring at a switch while a robot with the mind of a human is horribly tortured and screams in agony in the background (all thanks to their actions).
• They're let-down by The Un-Twist - that Simon is also a robot with human intelligence - getting revealed early on. Not because it's a bad twist, but because it means their earlier theory-crafting was confirmed in an Anti-Climax.

Resident Evil 7 Demo

• Jesse explaining that the paper that shows up in front of you after the videotape is over, while an effective Jump Scare normally, makes absolutely no sense when you're playing in VR because how did you not notice some guy putting that in front of you while you were watching a tape?
• Davis keeps getting scared by the host yelling boo into the camera at the start of the tape, no matter how many times they play it.
• After the second or third replay of the VHS, they begin to make fun of the scene with Andre in the basement.
  Jirard: Andre! Andre, what's the matter, dude? Andre, why you standing by that pipe? Awww, Andre, what happened to your face? Andre, what happened, buddy? Andre, get up, bud!
• When they get to the basement in the updated version, they all panic while fighting the thing that lives down there. Even better, they hear it when they go downstairs, but think it is probably nothing.
• They manage to get the gun, only for Davis to suddenly declare that he will go back down and kill the monster. His extremely disappointed voice when he finds out that it is gone is hilarious.

Layers of Fear

• Front and center holding the controller for this game is Scream Queen Davis, who jumps at everything and scared himself at the title screen by seeing shadows that he was convinced were moving. It only gets better from there.
  • After a while he will switch from being extremely paranoid and twitchy to being absolutely emotionally dead, including talking with Creepy Monotone. The group is both freaked out and impressed by this.
• Trying to go for the "good" ending, they keep telling Davis to run to the wife like "You touch that wife!" Also funny because the ending they get is actually considered the worst one. Not that any of the endings are good, but the Self-Portrait one is supposedly the best.
• Starting the DLC and Jesse is having a bit of a crisis...^note  This takes place after they've done the Resident Evil 7 DLC, so if you don't get the joke check that first
  Jesse: Am I a ghost? Are you all paintings that I've created? Am I just doing all your voices? The answer: yes. And Australian Davis!
  Everyone Else: *cracking up*
  Davis: Oy! Is that me cue?
  Everyone Else: *cracking up even more*
  Davis: You thought I was gone, but like a boomerang I came back around!
  Everyone Else: *completely losing their shit*

Resident Evil 7

• The hilarity starts off before the game even starts, with the guys winding up discussing which characters they would be in the TV show Lost.
• After 8 minutes, they find the "Accept her gift" sign at the entry of the Baker property. Jesse immediately suggests that this refers to the "little ghost girl". In contrast to the Old Lady as boss, they never even realize that they solved the plot after less than 10 minutes.
• They immediately decide the old lady will be the final boss.
• From Episode 3.
  Jirard:Dude she's gonna be the worst because you see her and you become like...
  Jesse: I'm not worried about her. (fake chuckle) She's the one who flies around. Lifts up off the wheelchair and chases you.
  Davis: She lifts up her skirt to reveal that she has octopus tentacles.
  Jesse: Why, why? - she's Ursula? (Starts singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls")
• Hours into the game and they still haven't realize that they can open the door and get the scorpion key so they can get the shotgun. The youtube comments are growing increasingly frustrated with them.
• In part 4, they talk about what type of cheese they would be, which somehow leads to...
  Jesse: Audience, I just want to put you on my meat.
• An example that manages to be this and a Moment of Awesome shows up in part 5 when the team exhausts all of their ammo on Mutated Marguerite. How do they kill her? With the pocket knife.
  Did I fucking win with a knife?
  I'm not gonna talk shit about this knife anymore.
  You, Davis, just singlehandedly proved why the knife in Resident Evil is a fucking staple.
  • They start calling the knife Excalibur and the Sword of Omens.
  • After the fight, they use psychostimulants to search for anything that they might have missed in that area and find 31 Handgun ammunition, 220 burner fuel, 2 First Aid Meds, 1 Solid Fuel, and 1 Chem Fluid, and Davis becomes increasingly mad with each item found.
  Davis: Dude, this is now an actually comical amount of ammunition and stuff...
• They finally figure out how to get the shotgun in Episode 6 (to the relief of many viewers), and Davis instantly becomes 10 times more confident. They spend the next episode trying to think up cool catchphrases for him to say after he kills a monster.
• They find writing on the walls that says "Let's play" and are thrown off by the meta. "We like open it (the door), there's like a dude playing Minecraft." "It's just us." *opens the door to find a tv with a chair in front of it* "Oh my god!"
• Davis's one-liners continue in Episode 7, capping off with his deadpan response to Lucas telling him that if he wants to complete Zoe's serum then "you're gonna have to come through me" being "I'm gonna come all over you". The rest of the group's response is a mix of cracking up and bewilderment.
  • They keep trying to make one-liners after that, but Davis keeps making cheesy sexual ones.
• In Part 9, they change up "You're gonna die, baby!" to a more positive note, thinking they are in a safe part of the game:
  You're gonna live, baby!
  Prepare to get old: you're gonna live, baby!
  Make some longterm plans: you're gonna live, baby!
  Hope you got kids: you're gonna live, baby!
  Retirement plans: you're gonna live, baby!
  • They then see a monster in front of them while being fully unarmed, leading to:
  We don't have any weapons: now we're gonna die, baby!
  Cancel all your plans: you're gonna die, baby!
  Back to square one: you're gonna die, baby!
• The guys all screaming like crazy when they figure out that grandma actually is the final boss/Eveline. And they figure it out right before the final fight.
• Even more freaking out occurs in the last video when Chris Redfield (?) shows up after Jesse had joked about that happening earlier.
• During the Daughters DLC, the gang is joined by a special guest.
  Jesse: Hello everybody, we're playing Resident Evil 7 the DLC. I'm here with the Scary Game Squad.
  Davis (interrupting Jesse with a fake Australian accent):And me, Australian Davis, Davis' Australian cousin!
  Jirard: What!?
• The End of Zoe DLC has both Davis and Jirard going manic as they get to just repeatedly punch Molded. This freak out causes Jesse to freak out from being unable to handle their complete shift in personalities.
  • And when they later find the mechanical glove, Davis is so thrilled that Jesse questions if he is actually turned on by it and Alex points out that he pretty much found the shotgun in a punching game.

Outlast II

Outlast II Demo:

• When they're adjusting the brightness, they set it high enough to reveal a man standing in a dark doorway and Davis screams

  Alex: Yo, it's official. Davis got scared by the graphical settings.

Main Game

• Right at the start, Davis mentions that Jirard has brought in a desk to prevent him from dropping the controller when he inevitably loses his mind from fright later. After some banter over whether he should be using a keyboard and mouse, Davis then declares that a desk is "just a part of the ground that's raised up". You can hear the Face Palm in Alex's voice as he calls Davis insane, and Jirard ponders that with every run, SGC becomes more akin to "a podcast about random shit".
• Arguing over whether they should look at the skinned man's dick or not.
• In part 4, the squad has their first encounter with The Stalker: their screaming fades out as the monster lunges into frame, implying it made them all leap backwards away from the microphone.
• Their first encounter with Laird nearly floors them: for a good 15 seconds all four men actually thought the Scalled person he shot was a wendigo and they really had found a second game about the monster.
• For most of the game, Alex insists on an Insane Troll Logic theory about the game's plot involving aliens, even in the face of the Murkoff agent's campsite report that exposes the microwave towers, to the point that a furious Jesse has to point out to the viewers that Alex is smirking at the rest of the squad's reactions (which viewers can't see since there's no facecam), Jirard and Davis often field similarly impossible theories just to push his buttons, and then drops the heat he'd been getting in the comments for shooting down those theories at Alex's feet. Alex is flabbergasted that anyone actually believed his intentionally audacious bullshitting and then took it out on Jesse. He proceeds to continue pushing the theory for the rest of the run. His reasoning: "I do me super hard." Alex establishes himself as a very low-key (and rather successful) Troll, much to Jesse's chagrin.

Faith, Faith 2 and Faith 3

Faith

• MORTIS
• Dubbing the setting "the black open nowhere forest"
• They have a lot of fun with the fact that the possessed boy's name is Michael "Davies".
  Jesse: Do you think that's Davis? That looked like Davis; that pale, white thing that runs at you and then when you throw a cross at him he goes "ohoyoyuyoyo fuck you!" and runs away?
• Using the cross on everything in the house, even the plant and the coat-rack.
• Hilarious in Hindsight, the bathroom is mostly rendered in orange except for a prominent yellow blob on the side of the bathtub implied to be a rubber duck.
• Immediately wasting the one bullet as soon as they get the gun.
• "Go jazz it with some Jesus"
• Because the different endings have conflicting information about the identity of your character, they end up calling him "Priest Cop"

Faith 2

• Their utter glee when the game starts out with a reference to "Michael Davies" again.1
• The character starts bleeding profusely and Jesse immediately knows what to do:
  Jesse: Oh, draw a pentagram with it!
• Alex ignoring the "Don't move" warning not just once, but twice.
  Alex: Well, what was I supposed to do?
  Davis: Um, how about: Don't. Move.

Faith 3

• They die when they go to the basement. The second the "Mortis" appears on screen, they break out into applause.
• While discussing their tour dates, Alex declares that he will only accept people with massive balls to talk to him.
• You heard of Priest Cop, get ready for Priest Cop - Blood Squad, now with vampires!
• They start to hum along the elevator music, leading to Davis making up Vampire Priest Cop lyrics to the melody of the Addams Family:
  He's a priest and he's a cop
  he's also a vampire
  he's a priest among other
  • They get upset though when Davis tries to also make him a goblin.
• PRAISE THE UNBREAKABLE

Little Nightmares

• Jirard figures out a clever way to avoid a trap - and then hilarity ensues.
  (There is a moving eye that shines light which will turn the player to stone if they are caught in it. Jirard goes through the room out of it's line of sight)
  Davis: You trying to cheese this?
  Jesse: Are you trying to go underneath the line of sight?
  Davis: Are you kidding me right now? Are you fucking kidding me right now Jirard?
  Jesse: That's actually really funny.
  Davis: Best player in the world.
  Jirard: (makes it through the room) Later, bitch!
  Jesse: Good call. Good call. Good, you know what that is? (Jirard walks off the side) Depth perception- *everyone starts cracking up*
• The gang come up with a lot of outlandish theories for what's going on in the game, including your character being a Borrower, a messed-up version of Inside Out, and the monsters turning the kids into shoes.
  Davis: Soylent Nikes are people!
  Jesse: I'd still wear 'em.
• During the Kitchen segment when the character has to sneak around to avoid detection, Jirard starts pretending he's an Assassin with a ridiculous accent.
• As a Brick Joke from Outlast 2, Alex suggests the premise of the game involves aliens. Jesse instantly tells him to shut up, not in the least bit willing to put up with his trolling again.
• While examining the Janitor's bedroom, Jirard jumps off the high dresser, dying from fall damage with a nasty crunch... but as Alex helpfully notes, since Six fell into a bucket, "It wasn't a mess!"

DLC

• Jirard rolls with the "Assassin's Creed accent" joke for the entire video.
• They get killed and swarmed by the leeches:
  Jesse: Ooooooh, tentacle...penetration...
  Davis: Woah, that's a boy!
  Jesse: And? Tentacles do not care. They will go in anything, I've seen enough to know that.
• The physics are a bit messy at times, at one point causing the little boy they're playing as to teleport a few feet over into the monster's hands. They joke about the monster having force powers.
• During "The Residence" DLC, Alex manages to predict the ending of the game (that the boy ends up turning into the gnome that Six eats) rather early in the playthrough. When it looks more and more clear that he was right, it starts a panic. This is heard mostly via Jesse as he constantly repeats. "Alex Faciane, were you right?!"
  • Remember, Alex is the one that likes to annoy Jesse by making stupid theories. See the Brick Joke mentioned above. This makes it no surprise that Jesse was the most stunned. It also makes it funnier.

Observer

• Their inital guess on what's going on in the game based on the opening narrative and title screen: Blade Runner meets Inception, not Wendigos, angels, "like paranormal, like, God is real...", digital hacker viruses, and "What if the digital plague was carried by the original e-mail: the carrier pigeon?"
  • "Nobody knows that you just dramatically pressed x! Nobody saw that!"
  • And later when they find what looks like claw marks, they decide Wendigos are back on the table. It turns out there's a genetically engineered wolf-man involved, so they weren't that far off after all.
• "I'm thinking I've got a robot in my ball that wants to solve this mystery."
• The other boys don't approve of Davis' catchphrase "Who's the master baiter?"
• "It's not all about getting pussy Davis. Listen, Scary Game Squad is great for getting pussy...but it's not all about that; we have to remember what the real mission is."
  • While Jesse cracks up hysterically in the background and demands they put that on a shirt.
• Getting completely distracted by the minigame they find on the computers.
• When they start finding roses and speculating who left them: Bruce Wayne? The Beast? Tuxedo Mask?
• They find a pirogi machine in the kitchen and decide they need to drag Davis and Jirard out to get some right away.
• "From the guys that brought you Jirard's empty drawers, we now have Jirard's dirty fridge! Hey, have you ever though about having a fridge that's empty, and it's dirty as shit? Don't worry, Jirard's dirty-ass fridge emporium has got you covered!"
• Talking to a creepy paranoid guy with occult symbols on his door afraid that a shape-changing beast is out to get him is obviously the best time to quote Blink-182 songs.
  Creepy Guy: He's always out there. Watching. Waiting.
  SGS: Com-mi-ser-a-ting.

Morph Girl

• At one point while investigating the house they turn on the tv which begins playing an old horror movie that they think looks familiar. Veteran Mystery Science Theatre 3000 fans will recognize it as The Brain That Wouldn't Die. They also wonder if the game will just play the entire movie for them. The game does in fact contain the entire movie, and yes, it will play it for you, but they don't wait that long.
  • The next film is Attack of the Giant Leeches. The entire movie is in there as well.
• Getting really, really pissed at the main character when she enters her house to find a creepy figure standing in her kitchen and chooses to run upstairs instead of out the front door she had just entered through. They also yell at her for not calling the police even though she had mentioned it earlier and for going home after she had just gotten a creepy phone call from her landline while at work. The character is so breathtakingly Too Dumb to Live that it drives the boys insane.
• Jirard goes completely ballistic when they reach the option to disconnect Rebecca's life support, viciously laying into the others for even considering what is, from a legal standpoint, murder.
• Jirard's keyboard starts randomly lighting up during the game, and the boys are so paranoid (and used to games Breaking the Fourth Wall to mess with them) they wonder if the game is doing this on purpose. They start doing things like asking "Rebecca"^note  The dead wife of the main character who is haunting her(?) if she's angry they wanted to move or if she's the new Overwatch character, and repeating "Jareth" into the mic.
• Their hysterically gleeful reactions when they get the ending where the thing moves in with you and you see the pc wake up in bed with it next to her, aka "Did this just become a sitcom about living with a ghost lady?"
• "Can someone just make an fmv game where 'knife' is always an option?"

Crendor's Picks

Crendor was invited on and given $5 to buy some games on Steam. Hilarity naturally ensues.

Horror Hospital

• The game was obviously translated badly into english, and the fact that the opening narration is also being read out by a text-to-speech translator doesn't help matters. Neither does Crendor reading everything in a bad fake Russian accent.
  Tutorial: You need to be close where the task items belong, for use them.
• A very badly animated little girl pops up and the guys try to figure out whether the opposite of a jumpscare would be a "laugh scare" or a "down scare".
• Crendor: "This is kind of like Outlast if the No Man's Sky creators made it."
• The "Umutsuzluk" meter.

The Youth Drainers

• The plot of this game involves fending off "midgets" who are coming to take your unborn baby. The political incorrectness of this is immediatly lampshaded. Also your character is female and topless.
• The timing of the button presses needed to properly search the area require "Korean Starcraft player" level-timing, and all they keep getting is a message saying "YOU FOUND NOTHING".
• "It's like someone stuck babies in a big wad of gum."
• The game description:
  "In an unknown location, pregnant women are being held and monitored against their will by a race of little evil humanoids. They want the babies for their heinous experiments, but you, as a mother, see no alternative but to take your own life to save your baby's soul."
  Jesse: Why does she have no shirt on? Is she looking for a shirt, is that the plot of this game? She's like, why am I topless?
• Jesse tries the controls.
  Jesse: Guys, I'm gonna figure this out. *immediately fails a check* Guys, I'm not gonna figure this out.
• They speculate that this game is actually a meta art piece and that the title is referring to the player's youth being drained by playing the game.
• While they're waiting for a midget to appear:
  Jesse: I think maybe once you blast him in the eyes then the lights turn back on? ...Don't take that out of context!
• And then they end up breaking the game so they can glide around with the flashlight on.
  Crendor: Peace be with you, midgets. I come in peace.
  Alex: I bring a message of cooperation and peace. Behold my flashlight, and behold my highbeams.
• They find a comment from the dev that (badly) explains that he was using "midget" as a term for a "medieval creature fantasy creature character" and not actual small humans.

Grizzly Valley

• What's scarier than bears? Zombie bears, zombie Nazi bears, bears riding sharks, sharks riding bears, or bears mating with sharks to make "sherks" or "barks" (Their bark is worse than their bite!).
  • "Their bark is worse then their sherk!" - Alex.
• "God damn I love Juice Orange!"
• The mouse controls are out of wack, making them act like their character is on coke.
• "Is this a dark future where the East Coast is wiped out by bears?!"
• A very monotone female voice calls you on the phone. "Oh your robot's calling you." Followed by: "Hello Mike, are you at home?" "I am real." "Mike, I am your American best friend, we've grown up together." "Hey man! What's up , baseball friend!" "Would you like to get an apple pie with me at the milkshake?" "You're tearing me apart, Mike!"
• Game description: "If you have gunpowder, animals are reluctant to contact you." Which leads them to believe the bear was calling them.
• While trying to figure out where the bear is:
  Crendor: My Player Unknown Battleground senses are tingling. I know you're right corner, bear.
• "Why does this bear hate us so much?" "Because we won't answer his fcking phone calls!" "He's been calling us all day! We keep putting gunpowder on ourselves."
• They find a radio that plays relaxing country music, and start clapping and making up lyrics.
• "It was obviously a bear, and you were like ' that's a person'!" "I'M SORRY I don't see that kinda stuff...man! I'm woke as fck!"
• And now, some good old fashioned It Makes Sense in Context:
  "He was waiting for us in the crossroads like Satan!"
  "I feel like if you shot most things in the ass you would get something out of it."
  "Go on that swing over there and fight the bear and maybe it will resolve everything."
  "Rumor has it that my son Steven is a bear."
  "Touch that butt!"
  "Don't touch the bear's ass. It'll explode and you'll die."
  "If you're making a game like this...first off..." "Midget bears."
  "I call it mineral bitters."
• Davis randomly starts quoting the opening of Star Trek at the end, complete with badly-sung theme music.

Visage

• They keep getting their immersion broken by a "Content not available in the early access of the game" pop-up.
• Finding a brand of toothpaste apparently called "Pasta Dental". They later find "Torso-brand Flour" and "Poo-Der Tomatoes".
• "I've heard of craft beer, but I've never heard of craft beer halfway through the door with a panda drawing!"
• The game has a mechanic where your sanity decreases if you stay in the dark, so you have to find and turn on lights. This results in the guys getting jump-scared by flipping a light switch.
• Getting increasingly annoyed with the random, illogical layout of the house. (It's supposed to be an Eldritch Location but it's not obvious at first.)
• Calling out Strippin for not cleaning out his office fridge while they're trying to explain why you would put baking soda in your fridge.
  • "Say you left your Coca-Cola fridge filled with food for weeks and weeks and you didn't clean it out." "And your name is Sam Strippin." "Say you did that, and then you left it in the room right outside this one..."

Resident Evil 2

• After the gang found the S.T.A.R.S badge, but failed to examine it to discover that it unlocks the door to the magnum for several episodes, the comments section immediately bemoaned that the magnum had become that playthrough's shotgun.
• The entire encounter with Mr.X in the fifth episode:
  • In trying to get away from a random Licker, the gang turn a corner and run straight into Mr.X. They even go into the pause menu just as Mr.X is about to "punch him in the throat".
  • After being beaten senseless (twice!)by Mr.X, the Tyrant clips into Leon and they manage to escape through the door behind him...only for the Licker to show up and slash them in the back. They then realize they used up their last healing item and desperately hobbles up some stairs before the licker gets a second hit in.
  • They manage to lose Mr.X but he catches up not long after when they're in the library. They initially thought that Mr.X could be delayed by climbing down the ladder as they didn't think he could use it. Cue the Tyrant jumping down in one leap and the guys screaming like little girls.
    Alex: Never has anyone screamed so loudly at a man jumping!
  • Cut to the end of Episode 5/Beginning of Episode 6. The Boys have been chased into the interrogation room by Mr. X and it appears that he can't follow them inside. Jirard encourages them to take a second to breathe and then sneak outside. What follows next is one of their most vocal and hilarious freakouts ever recorded.
    • Taken up to 11 by some of the SGS fans.
• Davis and Alex getting into a tiff over the quality of the Film/Underworld films.

  Davis: Come over to my house, we'll do a double feature, and we'll get uh, we'll call it a double-double double feature.

  Alex: I'm gonna go because I like double-doubles and you're my friend, but I want you to know those movies suck ass.

Layers of Fear 2

• Everyone but Davis missing a jumpscare because they're too busy making dumb jokes about "gangster's pear(-adise)"
• Davis: *zooms in on what is very obviously a fork* *gasps dramatically* "A SPOON!"
  • "Are forks the new duck?"
  • "I can't wait for the next Cox-Con where people bring forks and shout 'SPOON!'."
• They run toward a scary monster, because running towards their wife's ghost was how they got the ending they liked in the first game. The results are...not the same.
• They walk into a room filled with floating fruit and have an overly-casual conversation about it. "This is odd, right?" "It's not normally what happens with fruit."
  • "We got scared by fruit, y'all."
• A shadow of a fork (and knife) appears on the wall in front of them...
  Jesse: *immediately* Is that a spoon?
  Davis: *grumpy muttering*

Man of Medan

The Beast Inside

• Part 1
  • The group claims to be hidden in the intro screen: Jesse is swinging on the chandelier, Alex is standing behind the book, Jirard is inside the suitcase and Davis IS the chandelier
    • Jesse: "Wait, so I'm swinging on you?"
  • Jirard invested money into the Kickstarter to get his name placed into the game. When they later believe to see a Markiplier beer bottle, they seriously consider upping their tier to request having their name on alcohol.
  • The group is baffled that the moving company simply put the furniture randomly into the house and then put blankets over everything, leading to them assume that it were just two highschoolers in football jerseys. Finding the very expensive bill for said company makes them only more upset.
  • They run past the pole to drag down the attic stairs five times and forget what they were even doing multiple times.
  • They see a creepy advertisment of two fenced entrance doors (as they aren't uncommon in some european countries) and are utterly confused about baby dolls in jail.
  • Jirard gets extremely upset about all the empty drawers.
  • Jirard and Davis decide that the car has to be properly closed and locked again or their wife would get upset. Jesse loses it.
  • Davis attempts a newspaper-can magic trick...and succeeds.
  • The group can't figure out what to use with a plank, causing Davis to speculate that they need to make a sacrifice for it.
  Jesse: All hail the holy plank!
  • Even better, the second they assume that a tool must be there, they find a crowbar.
  Jesse: The plank doth provide!
  • The basement scare gets them so hard, that Davis punched himself into the face with the microphone by throwing his hands up.
  • They show once more how well they know horror tropes:
  crawling through a tiny space
  Jirard: And now we're gonna get sca-
  Jump Scare
  • The group takes offence to the ghost having put out their candles.
• Part 2
  • Imitating Mark Hammel's Joker talking about hiding things up his butt.
  • They find keys for Wing B and Wing A, and start making Star Wars jokes (about A-Wings and B-Wings). Jesse jokes "Raise the deflector shields, it's coming right for us"...after which they turn around and immediately get jumpscared.
  Jesse: IT CAME RIGHT FOR US!
  • And then it happens ''again''.

Little Hope

Little Nightmares 2

Resident Evil: Village

Main Game

• Davis is infatuated with Lady Dimitrescu
  Davis: Oh my god! I hate to see you go, but I love your ass.
  Jirard: That's not the phrase! It's nowhere near the phrase.
  Alex: Who are you, Duke Nukem?!
  Davis: Parting is such sweet sorrow, but not as sweet as that BADONK!!
  • And her daughters.
    (The daughters hook Ethan's legs with sickles and drag him down a hallway)
    Davis: Safe word, safe word!
• Alex describes watching Davis play as like being in the car while your dad is driving drunk.
• Davis has an... interesting interpretation of the statue of Dimitrescu and her daughters in the Hall of Pleasure.
  Davis: Maybe this is a metaphor.
  Alex: For what?
  Davis: Pegging.
• The gang tries to remind Davis that the game is about a man who's just witnessed the brutal murder of his wife and is desperately looking for his baby daughter, not hooking up with a giant vampire lady.
  Davis: It's about finding family when you can! [...] Sometimes when life closes one wife, it opens up another wife.
• Even after killing all three of her daughters, Davis continues to insist he will win her over despite her actively hunting him.
• Davis is unperturbed by the gang's reminders that Resident Evil villains tend to turn into giant gross monsters.
  Alex: I want you to know that this lady's a giant bug.
  Davis: You know what I am? I'm a giant, hairless monkey-man! Like, we're all something underneath all this shit.
• Davis manages during part 5, after being goaded by Jesse, to actually stalk behind Dimitrescu undetected for a good 15 seconds, despite Alex begging him not to tempt fate and Jirard outright screaming at him, even managing to stealth-crouch in front of her for a moment. Karma, however, instantly comes down on him as she turns around once he breaks for a staircase, Jirard and Alex instantly calling him out for chasing an invincible roaming enemy. Most of the video is then spent constantly running away from her, Davis confidently stating they've shaken her, only to be immediately proven wrong each time as Alcina strolls into view and swings at him.
• But sure enough, once Dimitrescu goes One-Winged Angel, Davis takes one look at her monster form's Nested Mouths and finally concedes that it's not going to work out. With the object of his thirst off the board, Davis defaults back into Lovable Coward mode, completely losing it with the others when they encounter the mutant fetus in House Beneviento.
  • Davis tries to make Donna Beneviento into his new object of lust, but eventually admits that her companion Angie is too much for him. The group even cringes when The Duke expresses interest in the doll after selling it to him.
• After the boys finish the Beneviento house, Jesse spends the end card of the video gushing over how great he thought that sequence was, and he says that the only way that the game can get any scarier is for the next section to be a water level which is actually one of his greatest fears.
• After Davis kills Moreau, the boys decide that they probably did him a favor.
• Davis is attempting to kill a pig in an enclosed space so he can harvest its meat, but he keeps getting interrupted by both gargoyle-like enemies and the pig's own (rather competent) attempts to defend itself. Jesse wryly quips that Davis has killed more monsters than pigs in a literal pig pen, and Davis snaps, silently whipping out the sniper rifle and dropping the pig with a headshot.
• Davis complains that he's 50,000 Lei short of being able to afford the third tier shotgun. The others point out that he can sell Lady Dimitrescu's necklace for exactly that. He does not buy the shotgun.
  • And throughout, Jirard is almost literally echoing the comments section in begging Davis to just stop with the Perverse Sexual Lust and sell Lady Dimitrescu's personal effects, noting that he already sold her physical remains. Davis doubles down on his obsession, claiming the lipstick and necklace "have her scent" and proceeding to sniff loudly, completely flabbergasting Jirard with his persistence and driving the comments section absolutely bonkers with a mixture of amusement, exasperation, and for a few, a growing worry that Davis has taken the joke too far.
• After taking out Moreau, Davis begins to become increasingly more confident, resulting in some genuinely skillful gameplay and trickshots even Jesse is impressed by. Given the wolf theme of the game, the boys all nominate Davis as the Alpha Male - with Jesse instantly noting that Alpha Pack Theory has been disproven for years. Then they get to the segment as Chris and learn his callsign in Hound Wolf is, in fact, Alpha. The comments were even snickering about it for several videos before the reveal.

Shadows of Rose

• After Davis is killed by the mold monsters, he asks Jesse to edit out his failures. Jesse not only doesn't do that, but he titles the episode "Davis Died" and uses the monster killing him as the thumbnail.
• Just before Davis escapes from the Mia mannequins, he stops to celebrate his victory and taunt them, but the others angrily remind him that his enthusiasm is premature and he still hasn't gotten away yet.
  Alex: YOU CAN'T BE THIS STUPID RIGHT AT THE END!!!

Resident Evil 4 Remake

• Davis successfully disarms an explosive booby trap only for a ganado to throw an axe into it blowing him up with it anyway.
• Davis steps in so many bear traps that the gang dubs him Sideshow Davis.
• While sneaking through a section, Davis breaks a barrel, alerting the Ganados, though it's not immediately apparent.
  Jesse: Are they coming?
  Alex: Yeah.
  Jesse: No! They're just walking, bro!
  *Davis immediately gets mauled by a ganado from off-screen*
• Jesse asks Davis to improvise a "Knock Knock" Joke. The boys are not impressed with it.
  Davis: Knock, knock.
  Alex: Who's there?
  Davis: Yes, and...
  Alex: That's not how you improvise!
  • Alex responds with a joke of his own.
    Alex: Knock, knock.
    Jirard: Who's there?
    Alex: Yes, and...
    Jirard: Yes, and... who?
    Alex: Yes, and then you say the punchline of the fucking joke!
• Davis makes the mistake of telling the story of the time he shot a rattlesnake with a gun. The boys mercilessly start guilt-tripping him for ending a poor innocent creature's life.
  Jirard: "Why Davis, why? I'm a snake."
  Alex: "I'm just trying to live my own snake-style life."
• Davis enters a room and starts reading a letter inside. When he finally notices that the Merchant is in there with him, he screams, and Jirard laughs so hard he has to leave the room.
• At one point, Jesse brings up the infamous Resident Evil 6 logo, telling Davis that it looks like a giraffe getting a blowjob. This then somehow degrades into the rest of the squad doing a Cumtown-esque impression of Hank and Bobby Hill talking about sucking off a giraffe.
• Davis shoots a dog with an explosive bolt. The dog charges straight into Ashley and then explodes, killing her.
• To hype Davis up for the optional knight boss, the boys start singing One-Winged Angel.
• The Davis finds a beetle whose item description explicitly says shouldn't be eaten. The boys pressure him into eating it anyway, and it increases Leon's maximum health.
  Davis: This is why I have trust issues.
• Davis tries to "360 No-scope!" a ganado, but he grabs Leon in the middle of it and nearly kills him.

One-Offs/Other

• Black Rose:
  • Their first real jump scare freaks out the squad big time and has Jirard fleeing up the stairs in panic before they crack up at their own reaction. Then:
    Davis: ...my nipples are hard. I'm not sure if that's relevant information. Jesse, feel them.
    Jesse:: No! No! (beat) [Davis's] shirt is coming off!
  • Then they run to the chapel, Alex insisting that ghosts cannot enter Holy Ground... which Murtle instantly proves doesn't apply in this game by peeking into view, leading to...
  • The first death:
    Jirard: I just want to point out, if that's game over, I'm gonna be very angry.
    (screen shows 'Game Over', everyone cracks up)
    Jirard: What?! (someone applauds in the background)
  • The gang makes up a song about being the "running man" while they're running away from the ghosts while trying to find things.
  • Near the end, an old-timey song on a record player is used to time a fetch quest section. The song gets stuck on a loop of "You're gonna die" when time starts running out. The funny part is the guys found it so memorable that now they'll start singing "You're gonna die, baby!" whenever they're expecting something bad to happen in a game.

• The Park (at a live show at Coxcon '17)
  • Their sexy (male) "beer maiden" who comes and refills their drinks. And they make him flex every time.
  • Since Callum is a red-head, they decide he's a young Jesse.
  • At the audience's urging, Jirard tries to go into the Hall of Horrors (the game's final area) at the start, only for Player Character Lorraine to turn around because she has no flashlight. Jirard muses that she is clearly smarter than literally everyone in the room.
  • Davis says that if the swan boat head turns around to look at them, he's done. Their reaction when it inevitably happens is amazing.
  • The audience claps every time Alex reads one of the notes out loud, especially when he shouts faux-educational statements about reading after finishing.
  Alex: Literacy!
  • Davis needs a bathroom break in the middle of the panel, and gets pissy when the audience doesn't want to let him go.
  • One of them decides they need to drink every time the game mentions Callum. But since the game has a Press X To Jason feature...
  • "Protip: never go near the crying baby that doesn't exist."
  • They find an article about a body being found behind a cotton candy stand. Jesse somehow misinterpreted it as the body being found in the cotton candy.
  Jesse: So I thought that what your butt was saying to us was that they became cotton candy and they were eaten.
  • Jesse then gets distracted by a picture of a mermaid on the side of a stand with a creepy face, which they dub "like Ariel and Joker cosplay together". He also gets distracted by a "cupcake clown" when they find a dead body.
  • And of course, their reactions to any time the Boogeyman is onscreen, or when Chad the Chipmunk randomly appears near them, especially the Jump Scare after turning around from finding the aforementioned corpse.
  • After the session ends, the squad sits down for final theories. After two games of Alex suggesting aliens are involved in a game's plot with zero evidence to support it, just to push Jesse's buttons, Jirard immediately jumps on him during his turn and warns him not to repeat the joke a third time unless he wants to be slapped. The audience is, of course, highly amused by his exasperated tone.

• Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria Simulator
  • The entire intro is worth a mention. We have Alex making his own jingle for the game, immediately followed by Davis saying "This is our fucking jobs," Jirard, who has had enough of the FNAF games, telling everyone to "suck the D," Alex jokingly asking if the amount of pepperoni on the pizza has anything to do with the lore and Davis comparing the game to Hyper Light Drifter purely because the first part of a game is a top-down 2d "action" game. All while everyone laughs like idiots. And that's before they even start playing the game.
    Davis: How do you get a Steam refund?
    Jirard: The game's free, Davis.
  • Jirard is spooked that "something is going to crawl out of the Fruity Maze machine and eat my eyeballs," and forces Jesse to swear to Loki that it's safe to buy and play. Everything's great for a while, then they play it enough that it starts to get twisted, but Jesse and the rest insist that it's fine.
    Jirard: She's not happy.
    Jesse: Doesn't matter, 'cause she beat it once.
    Davis: Kids aren't always happy, and that's like not bad.
    Jesse: Yeah, you don't even know what her day was like. Shit coulda happened.
    Davis: You can't appreciate happiness without sadness, it's just a thing.
    Jirard: I just think you guys-
    Jesse: Thank you, Davis! Dropping some real knowledge bombs.
    Davis: Thanks, man.
    Jesse: Every day of life isn't gonna be happy, it's how you deal with the sad days that lets you truly appreciate how happy you are. And you know what she's doing, she's playing a video game. Sometimes when you're sad, you play video games.
    Jirard: She's getting sadder and sadder the more she plays!
    Jesse: No!
    Davis: Because she's learning about the futility of life, man! We don't know what's going on in her head.
    Jesse: Maybe she's a Five Nights at Freddy's fan.
    Jirard: She's controlling a fascimile of herself and collecting the bodies of dead dogs! How are you guys on the game's side right now?!
  • "Sometimes you've got to spend money to make money, sometimes you've got to kill a kid to save a kid."
  • The best part? They basically run the place like actual sane businessmen, tossing the salvage animatronics back out into the alley because dammit, they are going to do this by the book and actually sell good pizza in a quality establishment. Their reaction to Cassette Guy firing them for not salvaging anything is quite good: they don't give a damn about the lore or the overarching plot, they built a great Freddy Fazbear location.

• Rise of Insanity
  • A Running Gag is born when Jesse keeps finding the "Mister Duck" toys while playing, and making them look into the camera while Alex talks with Davis in a low, playful voice about whether elements of the game are anachronisms or not.
    "The Rubber Duck": Hey Davis~! What year were fluorescent lights created~? Did I do that, Davis~? Am I a little ducky who created fluorescent lights~?
    Davis: It looks like in 1856 they had early versions of them...
  • The group continues to taunt Davis about the recurring ducks, only for Jesse to muse that it would be a weird coincidence if their fans suddenly shipped numerous rubber ducks to his P.O. Box so he could give them to Davis. About a week after the episode, Davis posted on Twitter that he now had 34 ducks hidden in his house - and he hadn't found them all yet.
  • After retrieving a key from a Creepy Basement, Jesse uses it to unlock a child's toy trunk and inevitably finds...
    Davis: (strangled sound)
    "The Rubber Duck": (slowly turns to face the camera) Guesssss whaaat~?
    Everyone: (laughing)
    Davis: I don't like you.
  • While the character takes a rowboat onto a lake...
    Davis: Jesse, where are your legs right now? Jesse, where are your legs?!
    Jesse: (laughs)
    Jirard: But... rubber duckies don't HAVE legs, Davis.
  • While searching for clues in a jail...
    Davis: Oh, there's something-
    Jesse: (laughs)
    "The Rubber Duck": Uh-oh~
    Davis: God. DAMMIT! This, this duck will not let us beat the game.
    "The Rubber Duck": I'm not sure there's a key at all~ Maybe this is just what happens at the end of the game~
    Davis: Why don't you want us to figure out what happened, duck?
    "The Rubber Duck": I don't know what happened either~! I'm craaaaaazy~! (rotates in place, and farts when its underside is facing the screen)
    Davis: What's crazy is that you're both working-
    (everyone else laughs)
    Davis: Jesse's working the body perfectly in time with Alex.
    Jesse: We both know a good bit when we see one.
  • Davis has another "God DAMMIT" when one last duck appears in the final nightmare sequence, prompting Jesse to wonder what would happen if it never talked again.
    Davis: I don't think I ever want to see a duck ever again after this, just because there's been so many...
  • As the credits roll, the boys ponder the significance of the rubber duckies, and recommend that if any viewers meet Davis in real-life, to deny that there was ever a duck in the game.
    Davis: I can hear you. I'm in the room! You can't do this to me!
    Jesse: Are you, though?
    Davis: I'm a person!
    Jesse: Are you sure you're not gonna end up watching a video of a woman telling you that we're all parts of your personality? Like, you are Davis, but you have an Alex-
    Davis: Don't mess with me!
    Jesse: -and a Jesse, and a Jirard, and Scary Game Squad is just you?
  • "We should get a video of your girlfriend, and have her be like, 'You know, I don't know, there's just a lot of ducks in my house, doctor... I don't know what's up with it, there's just a lot of ducks, I don't want them here. He does this weird voice, it's really high-pitched, really annoying...'"

• SCP Containment Beach
  • Davis encounters SCP-106 for the first time and evades it like a standard horror creature. When it melts out of the wall and kills him, he screams incoherently and falls out of his chair.
  • After several unsuccessful encounters with SCP-049, Davis manages to nimbly dodge it and its zombie minions to dart into an elevator and escape. But before he can exit the doors, they close in his face, and the elevator descends again to reveal... SCP-049 standing next to the "call" button.
  • Davis nearly quits playing entirely when the group finds a rubber ducky in a supply closet.

• Cox-Con 2018
  • The Scary Game Squad Panel started off with a bang- when Davis looked out into the audience and saw that the ENTIRE CROWD had been issued rubber duckies. The audience squeaked them madly whenever they or Davis were scared by the horror on screen.
  • While playing the demo for Infliction, the group moves into the basement and finds a bloody pentagram in the corner of the house's basement. First, there's a blurry object in the center of the circle that Davis immediately sees and freaks out, assuming it's a rubber duck. It's a mask, but then the lights go out, they're chased by a wraith and Jirard belts out an unending scream, freezes in terror and doesn't move until the ghost catches up to them in a huge jump-scare moment that leaves the entire group screaming in terror. Then comes the back-seat driving...
  The lights in the basement go out. Warped, creepy whispers begin playing in the background. The audience begins squeaking their rubber ducks madly.
  Jirard: 15-second-long scream as he's frozen in terror.
  Jesse: Keep walking. Just keep walking!
  Davis: Go! Go! Go!
  A spectral women appears as Jirard approaches the stairs, screams horribly, unhinges her jaw, and kills the player by biting out their throat. The entire time, the Squad screams in terror.
  Jirard: JUST GO FORWARD! JUST WALK INTO THE SCARY ASS LADY!
  Alex: It took you forty-five seconds to do what we said!

• On October 19th, 2018, Jesse informed the SGS fanbase that the Squad wanted to record an episode/series, but the game contained content that wouldn't allow them to post it to YouTube. He asked the fanbase, if the Squad were to upload it to Pornhub, would they watch it? Not surprisingly, the twitter replies were firmly in favor of doing this.

• The Mortuary Assistant
  • They find a portrait of Jesus with a very bug-eyed expression, and they wonder if Jesus is that worried, how scared should they be.
  • Davis thinks an incision in one of the bodies looks like an Uncrustable with a bite taken out of it.

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