“If no one touches me – no one can hurt me. All I have to do is never care.”This is when characters decide that it is indeed better never to have loved than to have loved and lost. They realise that if they don’t feel or care, they can’t be hurt. This decision is often initiated by either themselves or someone close to them crossing the Despair Event Horizon, but they choose to take the final step and how to express their despair. This frequently results in/from them feeling that Hope Is Scary, as it threatens their indifference/safety and risks them feeling upset again, requiring them to either give up their defenses or go through the harrowing experience of re-erecting them. Ice and stone imagery are often included. Characters who choose indifference most often end up as a Broken Bird, Emotionless Girl or Ice Queen; they will sometimes use a Jerkass Façade to hide their emotions from both themselves and others. Where they are a significant character, expect a Defrosting Ice Queen or Break the Haughty plot, teaching them the Power of Friendship or love. Compare Heroic B.S.O.D. and Heroic Safe Mode which are more temporary, and Despair Event Horizon, where the character is not actively choosing and maintaining their state. Contrast The Stoic whose emotional suppression is only external rather than internal. Compare/contrast Straw Nihilist when their view goes beyond simply their own defence. When a character is worried about physical rather than emotional safety, may overlap with Bystander Syndrome. See also Emotion Suppression where emotions are removed (often artificially) for a specific reason; either short term or permanently. See Never Be Hurt Again for when a character's driving motivation is to never lose the things they care about. See Conditioned to Accept Horror for when a character simply gets used to the horrible things in their world.
— Vanyel Ashkevron, Magic’s Pawn
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Anime and Manga
- In Mobile Suit Gundam AGE, Lord Ezelcant claims that this is the way the entire nation of Vagan feels; it's too painful to love others and have relationships when there's a very good chance that either you or those you care about will die young due to an incurable disease.
- Shinji Ikari of Neon Genesis Evangelion tries to have this attitude due to his mother's death and his father abandoning him, but he isn't very successful at not caring or not getting attached. Having no expectations doesn't protect him for disappointment and he sorely desires the human contact he tries to avoid.
- Gendo is revealed to have chosen this route in End of Evangelion due to his inability to relate to other people. In particular he feared hurting Shinji after Yui's death and being hurt in turn, so he chose to avoid him for both their sakes. Ironically, it was his abandonment of Shinji that ended up giving the boy one of his deepest emotional scars. Although considering the outstanding job he did of raising Shinji's half-sister, in the very loosest sense of the word, you can't help but wonder if he did kind of have a point.
- Word of God has it that this is why Near from Death Note shut himself off from the world.
- Puella Magi Madoka Magica: This is a large part of Homura's character. By the time the story begins, she's gone from being a Fragile Flower cursed with non-offensive magic determined to save all her friends from a powerful (but still killable) Eldritch Abomination to a Broken Ace (with awesome powers) out to just save her very best friend from a much bigger problem than anyone knew existed. She still cares about that one friend, but can no longer afford to worry about anyone else.
- In One Piece, this is the reason for Nico Robin's mannerisms, according to Word of God. She used to refer to her crewmates only by nickname or their title rather than their names because she didn't want to get attached to them after being used and betrayed by everyone else she associated with. She even freaked out when another character referred to them as her friends. She grew out of it when the Straw Hats proved she could trust them by demanding that she allow them to rescue her from the world government's capture.
- Mary Jane Watson from the Spider-Man comics often acted as if she didn't have a care in the world beyond dancing and partying. We later learn that it was largely an act to hide the pain brought on by her abusive father. A large part of her character development was learning she didn't have to wear the facade and overcoming the Commitment Issues associated with it.
- In a heartbreaking scene in The Walking Dead, Maggie announces to her boyfriend Glenn, "I don't think I'm going to love you any more" because everyone she cares about in the Zombie Apocalypse dies, with a perfectly blank face as though she were announcing that she'd rather not have chicken for dinner. Fortunately it doesn't last long before she reconsiders.
- In Sailor Nothing the main character fells like this during a Heroic B.S.O.D..
- Peter Deveraux in The November Man.
- Later in The Wheel of Time Rand Al’Thor is heading towards this in his efforts to become hard enough to meet his destiny.
- In Mercedes Lackey's Magic's Pawn, Vanyel decides to cut himself off from all emotion as a way of dealing with his emotionally abusive father and his exile to a strange city. This starts to be reflected in Recurring Dreams in which he is slowly turning to ice, until he eventually opens up to Tylendel.
- Her short story "Medic", based on her Filk Song of the same name, focuses on a combat medic who constantly transfers to new posts to avoid getting familiar enough with anyone to be hurt when they die.
- The attraction of indifference on both personal and societal levels is an ongoing theme in many of Isobelle Carmody's books. The protagonists are usually characters who insist of facing the problems and trying to do something about them.
- From The Legendsong Saga, Dark Ember is the most obvious, dealing with the knowledge of her dying by pre-emptively withdrawing from life.
- The Stormlord in The Winter Door is an extreme example, creating a machine and a whole world that drains people of any form of wanting or desire.
- The Way of Kings (first book of The Stormlight Archive): Kaladin tries this to fight his Chronic Hero Syndrome, because everyone he tries to help ends up dead.
- In the Mordant's Need books by Stephen Donaldson, Terisa Morgan's "fading" is a variation of this which she is able to invoke.
- The Tales of Beedle the Bard: The warlock in "The Hairy Heart" decides that love is a useless emotion that makes you stupid and weak, and so cut out his heart and kept it safe, completely immune to the local ladies' attempts to woo him. However, his self-image takes a nosedive after overhearing two servants think of him as lonely and miserable as opposed to wise and aloof.
Live Action TV
- At the start of The Snowmen the Doctor is suffering from this. With the Ponds, he has lost one too many companions and he is no longer willing to commit himself to helping Earth and humans.
- In Sherlock, Sherlock believes this.
Sherlock: Alone is what I have. Alone protects me.John: No. Friends protect people.
- Caitlin Snow in The Flash (2014) believes indifference is the correct way to go and protect herself after Ronnie's (her ex-fiance and current husband) death, as evidenced by "My once promising career in bioengineering is over, my boss in a wheelchair for life, the explosion that put you in a coma also killed my fiancé. So this blank expression kind of feels like the way to go. " This trope is subverted once Ronnie is revealed to be alive after all and is separated from Martin Stein, regaining the ability to control his own body.
- Lexa from The 100 lost someone close to her once, and decided the only way to get over the pain was to suppress her ability to love, believing it to be a weakness.
- Zootopia: After a traumatizing event in his childhood, Nick Wilde believes feigning this attitude is better than letting anyone see they "get to him" ever again.
- I am a Rock by Simon & Garfunkel explains why the narrator chose indifference. Or tried to, anyway; something in the tone of voice implies they're Not So Stoic as they pretend to be...
And a rock feels no pain;And an island never cries.
- In Billy Joel's "An Innocent Man", the singer addresses someone like this in the hope of getting them to learn to love again.
- In Pink Floyd's The Wall, after all the crap his life has thrown at him, which includes a dead father, an overprotective mother, cruel teachers, and a rather difficult divorce from his wife, Pink comes to this conclusion when completing his personal wall, and closing out the first half of the album. The first song of the second half makes it clear that he has already realized he made a big mistake.
I don't need no arms around me,
and I don't need no drugs to calm me!
I have seen the writing on the wall,
Don't think I need anything at all
No! Don't think I need anything at all!
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall!
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall!
- The Oh Hellos' song "Hello My Old Heart" is about this trope.
Hello my old heart, how have you been?How is it, being locked away?But don't you worry, in there you're safeAnd it's true, you'll never beat, but you'll never break.
- First half of "Gotta knock a little harder" by The Seatbelts is about this.
Happiness is just a word to meAnd it might've meant a thing or twoIf I had known the difference.Emptiness, a lonely parodyAnd my life, another smokin' gunA sign of my indifference.Always keepin' safe insideWhere no one ever had a chanceTo penetrate a break in.Let me tell you some have triedBut I would slam the door so tightThat they could never get in.
- Our Miss Brooks: In the episode Trying to Forget Mr. Boynton, Miss Brooks tries be indifferent and forget about love interest Mr. Boynton. It backfires spectacularly as Miss Brooks sees Mr. Boynton's face on every new person she meets. Fortunately, the episode turns out to be All Just a Dream.
- Fiyero from Wicked uses a much more upbeat version of this trope, complete with a whole musical number ("Dancing Through Life") cultivating his image as a Brainless Beauty.
Fiyero: "...Life is painless, for the brainless..."
Fiyero: Hey! I happen to be genuinely self-assured and deeply shallow.Elphaba: No you aren't, or you wouldn't be so unhappy.
- Although a later conversation calls him out on it:
- The song I'm Not Afraid Of Anything from Songs for a New World is about this trope.The singer tells of how she lacks the fears her family and friends have, but by the end we realize that the reason for her "fearlessness" is because she refuses to get truly close to anyone.
- Shadow implies that this is his philosophy in Final Fantasy VI when he warns Terra that some people kill their own emotions. Probably because of his guilt over being unable to give his old friend and partner a Mercy Kill.
- This is also Squall's viewpoint throughout most of Final Fantasy VIII. After growing up in an orphanage, and then watching everyone he cared about slowly go away one by one, he decided that if people were going to die or otherwise leave him alone, it was better to be alone in the first place to avoid he pain of losing them. He intentionally pushes everyone away to avoid developing bonds with them that would hurt to sever. It takes Rinoa to break him out of it.
- In Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, Demon Prince Laharl wakes up from a two-year sleep (more like coma) to find out that his father is dead and that he is now inheritor to the throne of Overlord. Angel Trainee Flonne tries to console him about his father's death, but he brushes it off like nothing, which horrifies her. Later, we learn that Laharl ignores his emotions—especially empathy and love—because of the pain of losing his mother when he was young.. Laharl actually cares a lot more than he lets on, but acts indifferent both because he hates the pain, and because he can't look weak as the Overlord.
- In Star Trek Online, this is Slamek's attitude towards life. He's been a slave for so long, he betrays the Reman Resistance to Hakeev and the Tal Shiar so that he can continue to live that life rather than join the fight for freedom.
Slamek: Why would you care about me? No one cares about me. I don't even care any more. Go away.
- Xane, from Fire Emblem Akaneia, is a Stepford Smiler Manakete who professes to hate humans, at least to the few people he trusts enough to tell he's not human, and does his best to avoid forming any sort of connection with them. It's heavily implied in his conversations with Kris that he doesn't really hate humans, but is instead closing himself off from them to avoid the pain of having to outlive another friend.
- Flowey the Flower from Undertale seems to feel this way, if his dialogue after sparing him in the Flawed Pacifist Ending is any clue:
Flowey: Hurts, doesn't it? If you had just gone through without caring about anyone, you wouldn't have to feel bad now.
- Kazuaki Nanaki in Hatoful Boyfriend lost someone years ago, and still felt strongly about them. But as the years went by love soured into a kind of resentment, and he resolved "I think it's better to love everyone around you just enough that you won't regret losing them."
- In Sword Art Online Abridged, Kirito comes to this conclusion in Episode 3, after losing his first real friend and after an item rumored to be able to bring people back from the dead turns out to be "a goddamn hat." Much of his Character Development over later episodes comes from this sentiment interacting with the Chronic Hero Syndrome he developed from the same loss.
Kirito: But I do suppose I should thank you. You made me realize that by being nice and letting people in... they'll just die. (beat) But still, thank you for showing me that there is a part of me that can feel like this. Because now that I know where to find it, I've killed it forever. So thank you. Thank you for freeing me.
- This is one of the many things that the Care Bears are trying to prevent by encouraging others to share their feelings.
- In Barbie in a Christmas Carol, this became Catherine'snote attitude in "Eden Starling"'snote Bad Future after she (Catherine) tried to save the orphanage after being fired on Christmas Day.
Bad Future!Catherine: Caring hurt, so I stopped.
- Rather common in military units seeing active combat, especially in wars where high casualty rates are expected. Losing True Companions hurts so the soldiers stop caring about anything - the New Meat in particular, as their loss will hurt less if they were just a face rather than a Fire-Forged Friend.
- People suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder live by this trope. Although they desperately desire their own set of True Companions, their fear of rejection by others is so great that they decide against trying to form interpersonal relationships in the first place.