Characters / In Another World With My Smartphone Abridged

For the source material, see here for Toya and his team, here for God, and here for Duke Ortlinde and Liam.

Earth

Toya Mochizuki

Well golly, I mean, I guess, if you really pushed me on it… I’d like to be God.

Voiced by: Chase "Coffinjokey" Corbin

Originally an upper class guy predestined to cure cancer, 15-year-old Toya was struck by lighting by God while he was on the toilet, whom he managed to strong-arm into reincarnating in a new and "better" world with a new set of abilities and a future smartphone. Presented as a polite and oblivious guy, Toya is really a greedy and manipulative asshole who scams and blackmails his way to success with the goal of achieving his Earth "helicarrier dreams" in this new world.

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• Abnormal Allergy: Invoked and Subverted. He claims to have an allergy to reading to hide the fact that he doesn't know the new world's phonology, as his future smartphone only translates the phonetics.
• The Ace: Before his untimely death, he was already manipulative and charismatic enough to deceive God himself, but after been reincarnated, he's granted a new set of skills that allow him to learn all the magic with one single use of a spell stone. Add a futuristic smartphone that translates all speech directly into his brain, alongside a great amount of money and a tiny bit of luck, and you begin to understand why he sees himself as a god.
• Accidental Misnaming: Subverted. He claims this to excuse his usage of Embarrassing Nicknames, but it soon becomes clear that he simply gets off on mocking people. Exemplified at the end of the episode where, during a tense moment, he accidentally calls Linze by her actual name, making this a case of Accidental Correct Naming.
• Accidental Murder:
  • He accidentally kills Thomas with an elbow drop to the spine, having forgotten that he has the strength to break diamonds. He gets over it pretty soon, though.
  • Similarly, the spell he used against Yae's friends was called "blinding sand", not "face-peeling sand", implying his goal wasn't to kill them. Again, he doesn't seem to bothered by this.
• Adaptational Angst Upgrade: He's much more annoyed at getting killed this time around, and his first day in the new world is already much more negative and traumatising than any misadventures he had in canon.
• Adaptational Badass: The original Touya was already an Invincible Hero thanks to God's powers, but he still had to learn each spell mechanics by himself, which took some time. Here, he only needs to touch a single spell stone and he learns all the magic in a matter of literal seconds.
• Adaptational Intelligence: Touya in the source material was mostly The Everyman in terms of brains (though he was every bit as powerful as this version), though he could be quite Oblivious to Love in regards to his harem. Toya here is much more intelligent and perceptive on top of being a manipulative scam artist. He can play people like instruments, and knows how to use them to gain more money and power.
• Adaptational Jerkass: The original Touya was an All-Loving Hero and Mellow Fellow who was humble about his achievements, who helped people and nations from the goodness of his heart, and who was respected and Loved by All in return. Abridged Toya can put on a façade as casual, friendly and understanding fellow, but he really is a sadistic and power-hungry Smug Super who flexes his achievements and treats everyone around him like dirt, to the point where his name and appearance are the only things he has in common with his original self.
• Adaptational Villainy: Other than being a complete jackass and Snake Oil Salesman, he's also an unrepentant murderer who would do anything for wealth and fame. His original counterpart was not only hesitant to murder, but he also had a genuine sense of justice that this version of him would only laugh at. The only area in which he surpasses his original self in terms of morality is when it comes to having romantic encounters with the underage Sushi, which the original Toya was initially hesitant to do as well but got over quickly due to specific circumstances and adapting to the new worlds' Deliberate Values Dissonance..
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Despite his extremely high skill set, he's not getting his canon Battle Harem anytime soon.
  • God in the original considered him a friend, and gave him his resurrection out of genuine guilt. Here, he soon grows to despise him, and gives him his second chance at life to finally be rid of him, since he doesn't want to share his realm with such a jackass.
  • Instead of being a Tsundere, here Elze hates his guts with a passion, but sticks with him because of his stash of golden coins. On his part, he puts her through the wringer and doesn't even bother to learn her name.
  • Linze, on the other hand, is much more overtly infatuated with him than in canon, but he doesn't seem to care about her much.
  • Instead of being infatuated with him after he rescued her, Yae seems to merely regard him as a rebound friend after he killed her previous guild.
  • Sushi already was somewhat of an Abhorrent Admirer towards him in canon, but here he's legit terrified when she offers him sexual favors, and likely killed her alongside the duke when he burnt the manor to the ground.
  • The Duke in canon was a cherished friend to Toya, while here it's more one-sided since Toya can't get over his blunt misogyny. It's also heavily implied that Toya killed him at the end of the episode after he offered up his daughter to him.
• Affectionate Nickname:
  • He calls Satan Lucy, and considers him to be his friend. That is, if he actually called him.
  • Linze always calls him "Toy", and this is before he bestows any nickname on anyone. He in turn calls her pumpkin and muffin, which is a lot better than what he calls Elze.
• Ambiguous Situation: Whether he's actually friends with the devil or if (as God wants to believe) he was only bluffing. He wouldn't have been able to call him otherwise, since he was dead.
• Anti-Hero: Nominal Hero at first. He barely has any redeeming qualities as a person, but he can use his powers for good when he wants to, and he genuinely thought he was helping the twins and Yae by killing their attackers (though he still showed No Sympathy when the latter group turned out to be Yae's friends). He also apparently would've gone on to cure cancer had he been allowed to leave, which would have cemented him as a hero worldwide. He becomes an Unscrupulous Hero at the end, when he burns down the duke's manor after Toya gets sick of his monstruous actions.
• Ambition Is Evil: Toya is extremely ambitious and egotistical, literally laughs in the face of a modest living, and he carries his "helicarrier dreams" to the new world. Couple that with his skill set and you've got the perfect recipe for disaster. Exemplified when his only wish to God is to be God.
• Anti-Villain: Toya is egotistical, greedy, and sociopathic, and has a massive set of skills with which he could annihilate the world if he wanted to, but he has a code that he'll never break, and respects all those who stand up to him.
• Asshole Victim: While initially remorseful for killing him, God quickly loses all sympathetic feelings for Toya when he starts blackmailing and insulting him. Once he's resurrected in the better world, it soon becomes clear that, other than the fact that he could've cured cancer, Earth is a better place without him. And you have to be a real piece of work for that to be the case.
• A Chat with Satan: Provided he wasn't bluffing, he has one over the phone in front of God. He even blows him a kiss.
  God: Don't you kiss Satan! Don't you kiss phone-Satan in front of me!
• A Lighter Shade of Black: He's a real scumbag, but when he's released into the better world, he comes off as the Straight Man compared to some of its folk. This is exemplified when he adamantly refuses to take in the underage Sushi as his bride.
• Bad Samaritan: Anytime he actually helps someone, expect him to find a way to get you to earn him money.
• Batman Gambit: Pulls an otherwordly one on his own God at the beginning of the story. Knowing full-well that someone like him would not be seeing the realm of heaven anytime soon lest it was something out of the ordinary, Toya quickly adopts a demeanor as a ridiculously Kindhearted Simpleton who is oblivious to his predicament but is still willing to forgive God for anything. When God sheepishly admits to have brutally killed him while he was on the toilet for a joke, Toya remains unperturbed and continues the act, guilt-tripping God into offering him something in return, and then doubling down on his request when Toya refuses out of solidarity. It's only when God promises him "anything that [he] wants" that he drops the mask and asks him to be God, then uses all information God gave him to both gaslight him and blackmail him with telling Satan about it. Though God refuses his claim regardless, he still negotiates him down to reincarnating him in a different world with a superb set of skills and a future smartphone, which Toya was more than happy to accept. Their later conversation through the phone implies that Toya plans to put God under his thumb.
• Beleaguered Boss: He can be this with Linze when he's not being a dick to her.
• Beneath the Mask: It's heavily implied that the Toya we see in the beginning is the Toya Earth saw the most of. Beneath this façade, however, lies an ambitious and narcissistic sociopath who doesn't care in the least about people's health.
• Berserk Button: He's normally happy to look the other way when it comes to criminals, but Parental Incest and "child brides" make his skin crawl.
• Big Damn Heroes: After failing to do good for most of the episode, he becomes this at the end when he burns down the duke's manor, likely freeing all of his slaves (unless they died in the fire as well).
• Big "NO!": Releases a huge one when he realizes Ellen is not 9-year-old Sushi's mother, but her daughter.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Toya initially behaves like an extremely overbearing and optimistic Mormon, which visibly confuses God as he delivers the news of his demise to him. Then God offers him some form of compensation and he asks to be God. By the time he's released into the new world, he drops the mask completely, as his new set of powers and stash of golden coins is more than enough to attract people.
• Black-and-Grey Morality: How he sees the world, which is reaffirmed when his own god kills him for fun. He has a hard time adapting to the new world's Blue-and-Orange Morality, though.
• Brutal Honesty: Strangely for a scam artist, he never really lies to his victims or clients, instead subtly manipulating them into following him or exploiting their weaknesses. When he's not doing that, however, he's usually very blunt and straightforward with them, especially when it comes to their inferiority compared to him. At one point, he flat-out tells Mike that he wished that he had died in infancy.
• Card-Carrying Jerkass: From the moment he arrives at the new world, Toya sees himself as this, though it's eventually Downplayed, as there are some lines he won't cross.
• The Charmer: When he tries, he can be pretty damn charismatic, which he uses to gain wealth and power.
• Chick Magnet: Downplayed. God gives him a skill to make him "the best at girls", but the only girls who display any interest in him happen to be messed up in the head, and the more rational Elze notably has next to no romantic feelings for him.
• Combat Pragmatist: Throws a pebble at breakneck speed directly at Gregg's diamond antler. He likely didn't intend for it to be as efficient as it was.
• Crisis of Faith: Any respect he had for God goes down the drain when he kills him for fun.
• Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: He initially seems like an overly polite dork who is nice to a fault. Then he reveals his true colors and even God is shocked.
• Deadpan Snarker: When he's not manipulating his way to success, he's snarking at everyone he meets.
• Did You Just Scam Cthulhu?: His Establishing Character Moment is blackmailing God himself into granting him powers.
• Dishing Out Dirt: One of Toya's powers is "blinding sand", and he tests it on Yae's friends. It peels their faces right off.
• Dropped a Bridge on Him: In-Universe. The guy who would've gone on to cure cancer ended up being struck and killed by lighting while on the toilet.
• Dull Surprise: His initial reaction to the news of his demise is quite... underwhelming.
  Toya: [with an almost blank expression] Whaaat? What happened to me, God?
• Easily Forgiven: Very easily forgiven; Yae not only doesn't hold his murder of her friends against him, but she also joins his league because he killed them.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: If he wasn't lying in his phone call, he was apparently a close friend of Satan, whom he calls Lucy. He also appears to be an Honorary Uncle to Satan's son Damien.
• Even Evil Has Standards: He's a callous murderer and a scam artist, but even he has lines that he won't cross. The Duke crosses all three of them in one go.
  • He dislikes sexism, and is disgusted when the Duke claims to hate all women when he has a daughter.
  • Perverts in general, like Mike the Millionaire, also make him uncomfortable, though he has no problem enabling him by trading him his clothes for a fortune.
  • Though he was still willing to make deals with perverts and misogynists in exchange for money, he draws the line at paedophilia, especially Parental Incest. After the duke pimps Sushi out to him, Toya loses it and reduces his palace to ashes.
  • When he hears that murder is the new world's national pastime, he's initially taken aback, but it's soon overshadowed by relief since he wasn't going to be prosecuted for accidentally killing a man.
• Evil Is Hammy: He's often quite soft-spoken, but he likes to act theatrical when flexing his newfound powers or breaking down his big time dreams.
• Evil Is Petty: He makes a show out of giving degrading nicknames to his companions, and at one point even flat out admits that he's "petty as well as powerful". He also hires Yae only because Elze told him not to and he has a problem with authority.
• Evil Laugh: He lets out one when Elze suggests the idea of living modestly, before explaining his "helicarrier dreams" to her.
• Expy: He's one to Abridged Kirito, another SWE Abridged series protagonist. Aside from their similar design, they're both Jerkass versions of harem anime heroes who find themselves in a life-changing situation in a completely different world (though a virtual world in Kirito's case) with a new set of skills that feed into their already inflated ego which manifests in the form of condescending bullying towards their peers, whom they consider to be below them. The main difference between them is their background: Kirito was in an absolutely miserable situation in the real world, and saw the virtual world of SAO as a form of escapism and as a way to vent about his misanthropic tendencies. Toya, on the other hand, was insanely rich on Earth, and his goals after being reincarnated in the new world with nothing but his futuristic smartphone are to regain and improve on his lost wealth and power, just with a new set of magical skills this time around.
• Fake Ultimate Hero: He was originally created as the guy who cures cancer, but alas, God had to have his fun.
• Failure Hero: He really tries to save people sometimes. Too bad he's a greedy asshole who causes more mayhem than good. He actually manages to do some good at the end of the episode, though.
• False Friend: He presents himself as a friend and heroic figure to the twins, only to exploit Linze's tea addiction and Elze's financial struggles to keep them in check. He also calls her, Elze, and Yae "stupid and annoying" when interacting with the duke, and forces them to eat in a different table than his own so that they learn their place.
• Faux Affably Evil: Even after he reveals his true colors, he still maintains a cordial tone when interacting with other people, fully knowing that they know he's full of shit.
• Faux Horrific: Invoked and Subverted when Yae asks him where he got his cart and horses.
  Toya: I won’t lie to you, Yae… I bought them. With my money.
  Elze: Why did you say that first part like it was something to be ashamed of?
  Yae: To reassure us. He seems like a stand-up guy.
  Toya: Money I received from selling my clothes to an insane pervert!
  Yae: ...Tell less truth next time.
• The Gadfly: When he's not stroking his own ego, he loves to taunt and antagonize people with witty lines and retorts, as God soon learns.
• A God Am I: Toya's only wish to God as compensation for being killed is to be a god himself. God refuses, but gives him the next best him: Reincarnation in another world with a full set of skills including magic, fighting, and girls.
• Greed: His main motivation both on Earth and on the new world. When informed that his bag of gold could suffice for a modest living, Toya laughs for about ten seconds at the thought that he would even entertain such an idea before explaining his big time dreams to the twins. He later uses his newfound magic spells to gain even more money, regardless of where it comes from.
• Heroic Comedic Sociopath: He's a sociopathic scam artist whose antics are Played for Laughs.
• Hero of Another Story: He was originally supposed to be the one who cured cancer. Alas, that story will now never happen.
• Hypocritical Humor: As he goes to heal Liam:
  Toya: [As Liam groans in pain] There are some thoughtless peop- SHUT UP! [Liam stops groaning] thoughtless people in this world.
• Ignored Epiphany: Regarding accepting tax money from the duke:
  Toya: Y’know, I’ve never felt guilty about taking money before… So why start now?
• Informed Ability: God gives him the ability to "be the best at girls" before sending him off to the new world, but the only women who show any interest in him all are either insane or applying the new world's Blue-and-Orange Morality, and the Only Sane Woman Elze clearly dislikes him.
• Instant Expert: Parodied when God grants him the abilities to "be the best at everything". When he puts it to the test in the new world, Elze is noticeably flabbergasted.
• It's All About Me: It happens when an already egotistical teenager gets granted superpowers. He acts unapologetically narcissistic towards everyone and his stated goal is to gain even more power than he already has.
• It Gets Easier: After his first murder, he's visibly distressed for a bit but quickly gets over it. By the time he learns magic, he has no qualms with killing people that he thinks are evil.
• Guile Hero: The most witty and opportunistic character in the story. He begins his journey by tricking his own God into granting him powers, and that was just him getting warmed up. The "Hero" part is much more questionable, though.
• Jerkass Gods: He's not quite there yet but he yearns to be this. Some of his dialogue with Elze shows that he's already delusional enough to believe that he can create and follow his own rules.
  Elze: We can’t just pick up drifters off the street.
  Toya: I’m sorry, did you suggest that I can’t do something? Through what mechanism do you think you can stop me? You know what, I’m intrigued. [to Yae] Congratulations, you’re hired.
• Jerkass: What he is at heart. He's pointlessly rude and sarcastic towards everyone around him, especially God, and clearly revels in hindering them. As if that wasn't enough, he's a textbook Smug Super.
• Jerkass Has a Point:
  • While its overshadowed by what he does later, his "The Reason You Suck" Speech to God is completely on point, seeing as the asshole had killed him for fun, robbing him of the chance to cure cancer, and was now awkwardly trying to bribe him while childishly justifying his actions.
  • Similarly, he's right to be outraged at the duke for his unapologetically misogynistic attitude, especially since he has a daughter.
• Karma Houdini: Though his experience with the duke likely left him with some lasting trauma, Toya never gets any punishment for the atrocities he commited in the new world, such as killing Yae's friends, exploiting his team, and possibly killing Sushi, Liam, and the duke's subordinates during his rampage. Justified, as murder is the new world's national pastime, so any law it might have isn't coming for him anytime soon.
• Kick the Dog:
  • He bluntly tells Mike that he wishes he had died in infancy, and to "drown in a two-inch pond". While Mike was a creep, he had just made him a millionaire, and had been nothing but nice to him.
  • He hires Yae only because Elze told him not to, and he has a problem with authority. He also shows no remorse for killing Yae's friends earlier.
  • He spends most of their trip to Belfast chastising Linze for petty reasons, such as not having taught him null magic before, despite him not asking. He also admonishes Elze and Yae for not doing anything on the matter.
• Killed Offscreen: The series starts with Toya in heaven after being killed on Earth, with God describing how he died.
• Kill It with Fire: One of his magic skills is fire, and he puts it to very good use at the end of the episode.
• Lack of Empathy: After some mild shock at his first victim, he becomes a lot more adapted to murder, and doesn't blink when told that he had just accidentally killed all of Yae's friends. He also accepts money from the duke despite knowing that it comes from his abused townsfolk.
• The Leader: He's charismatic, ambitious, powerful, cunning, and rich, making him easy to follow even as he's being a massive prick to everyone.
• Likable Villain: He's a callous jerk and a God wannabe, but he's also extremely cunning and many of the people he messes with are worse people than him, making him easy to root for, especially once he meets the duke.
• Loose Lips: Toya namedrops this trope when blackmailing God with telling Satan about how the former killed him.
• Malicious Misnaming: Loves to bestow these upon his followers, especially poor Elze (who goes from "longhair" to "thunder-thighs" in the span of a day).
• Mean Boss: He's one to all his attendants but especially Elze, whom he dubs "Thunder Thighs" and constantly belittles and demeans for no reason. He's also one to God, criticising him for letting his phone ring for one and a half rings instead of half a ring like Toya wanted.
• Made of Iron: Thanks to God's powers, his skin is more durable than diamond. Unfortunately, his victim Thomas' isn't.
• Manipulative Bastard: The first thing he does is play God like a fiddle, and that was just him warming up.
• Moment Killer: He ruins the engagement of Gregg and Thomas by destroying the latter's diamond antler, and killing the former when he tries to avenge it.
• Motor Mouth: To aid his Snake Oil Salesman shtick, he speaks very quickly and eloquently, and sometimes it seems he just likes the sound of his own voice.
• Narcissist: A textbook example. He flaunts his wealth and power to everyone, is delusional enough to believe himself to be a god, and treats everyone around him (even God) like dirt because he sees them as intellectually inferior (which in this new world is often the case).
• Nerves of Steel: He manages to maintain a cool head when first introduced to God, and even pulls a Batman Gambit on him right in front of his face without missing a beat. His nerves then take a nosedive after meeting Mike and The Duke, however, but he still rarely loses his composure around even them.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Other than the fact that he often acts out of self-interest, most of his attempted heroic actions end up causing more damage than good.
• The Nicknamer: He has an Embarrassing Nickname for all his "subordinates", except for Yae whom he respects. Anytime someone disappoints him, he makes the nicknames worse, just to spite them.
• Nominal Hero: For the guy who was supposed to cure cancer on Earth, Toya has little to no redeeming qualities. Despite this, he still engages in mild heroism on the new world, targeting only what he thinks are bad people (though showing no empathy when they turn out to be innocents), and burning down the Duke's manor at the end of the episode.
• Not Distracted by the Sexy: Though he does play the hero to any percieved Damsel in Distress, he never shows any interest in the girls despite God assuring him that he's essentially "the best at [them]" in the new world. Understandably, he also refuses the duke's offer of a child bride without hesitation.
• Not So Above It All: It's heavily implied that Toya wasn't fazed by almost anything on Earth, not even being informed of his unprecedented death, but the new world soon starts bringing out some of his emotions, such as disgust, shock, and horror.
• "No. Just… No" Reaction: When the Duke tells him that Sushi can be both his daughter and his wife:
  Toya: NO! NO THAT-THAT'S THE WORST ANSWER!!!
• No Sympathy: Whenever he accidentally makes things worse in his attempts at heroism, he never shows any concern and even has the gall to ask for payment.
• Oh, Crap!:
  • A minor one when he realizes he might have accidentally killed Thomas.
  • He has a series of this that constantly one-up each other since the moment he arrives at the duke's manor. Examples are:
    • When Sushi informs him that her father would reward his kindness with anyone he wanted.
    • When the Duke reunites with Sushi and starts making creepy chuckles while hugging her.
    • When Ellen wakes up and recognizes the duke and the underage Sushi as her parents.
    • When the duke tells him that he has no money left so he will pay him with a "child bride".
• Only Sane by Comparison: Toya is not sane in any sense of the word, but when you pair him with people like Mike or the duke, he comes off as the better guy to have around.
• Opportunistic Bastard: Toya likes to plan ahead, but he takes advantage of every opportunity he comes across. Due to quick thinking, he got enough money to last a modest living on his first hour of being in the new world.
• Pay Evil unto Evil: Most of his meaner actions are done against bad people, or people he perceives as evil at least.
  • While he didn't think it would kill them, he targets Thomas and Gregg because they were trying to rob two girls.
  • He kills Yae's friends because he thought that they were attacking her.
  • At the end of the episode, he destroys the duke's manor, with the implication that he killed him and his posse.
• Pet the Dog: Unapologetic asshole as he is, he's not without his moments of genuine altruism.
  • He invites Linze and Elze to tea because he pities the former for not having tried it. Of course, it's mostly to get on their good side and get them to show him the ropes, but with what we know about him, he could've been a lot meaner.
  • He kills the league of fighters mostly to test his new powers, but also because he thought they were attacking Yae. As it turns out, they were simply sparring as friends.
  • He presumably had Linze destroy the lizards with no weaknesses (and no strengths) to save Sushi and her escorts.
  • He also heals Sushi's butler Liam back to life without any immediate benefit to it, even if he accidentally messes up his lungs in doing so.
  • As bad as he treats his companions, he gets them all out of the duke's manor before burning it to the ground, even calling Linze by her actual name while yelling at her to leave.
• Politically Correct Villain: He's a power-hungry narcissist and a grade-A asshole, but he hates sexism. For him, everyone is equal in that they're all inferior to him.
• Powerful, but Incompetent: God gave him a massive set of skills, but he visibly doesn't know how to use them properly without getting someone hurt or killed.
• Rage Breaking Point: We don't see it, but the duke singing "Would You Like a Child Bride" to him made Toya decide to test his fire magic powers on his manor instead of leaving in neutral terms.
• Reality Warper: He's not there yet, but he likes to believe that he is one.
  Guard: There’s no time! The mistress’ butler is dying, and—
  Toya: What if I wanted there to be more time?
• Refuge in Audacity: He makes God his concierge, and outright calls him his subordinate at one point.
• Rich Bastard: Toya describes his life on Earth as "owning a fleet of conjoined helicarriers, each with its own department of luxury, encased in gold and cruising above the earth armed with enough super-science to make Isaac Asimov bust a proverbial nut". Despite being reincarnated in a new world with nothing but his phone, he quickly earns himself "many golden coins" by selling his clothes to a perverted millionaire. He also ends the episode with a platinum sphere and loads of tax money from the Duke.
• Rightly Self-Righteous: He's an unbearable asshole to most people he meets, but he is the (second) sanest character in the episode. He also apparently knows Satan enough to be acquainted with his kid.
• Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Due to his delusion, he occasionally tries to invoke this to his peers. So far, he hasn't been stopped from doing what he wants but it's mostly because everyone around him is either an idiot or an Extreme Doormat. The closest thing he has to get away with things is Screw the Rules, I Have Money!.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: When the Duke and his maids start singing "would you like a child bride?" to Toya, he rallies his team and leaves in a hurry, but not before torching the place on his way out.
• Shock and Awe: How he dies before the story starts.
• Skewed Priorities: The first thing Toya says when meeting God (other than compliment the five by five platform that is Heaven) is to accept God's offer of a harp. God clearly didn't expect that. It's all part of his naïve and unassuming façade. Notably, he rejects the gift when he's asked again.
  God: Oh. They’re in storage.
• Smug Super: He sees himself as God because of his holy set of skills.
• Snake Oil Salesman: Toya gives off this vibe when interacting with other people
  Toya: You don’t think big enough! Not like me. I got big-time dreams. Helicarrier dreams. And step numero uno to achieving those dreams is learning magic!
• Spell My Name With An S: In the source material, his name is written as "Touya" instead of "Toya".
• The Stoic: He usually doesn't show much reaction, not even when being informed of his Undignified Death, or when being hassled by Mike.
• Super-Strength: He crushes a diamond item by flinging a pebble at it at superspeed, and later accidentally breaks Thomas' spinal column with an elbow drop to the back.
• Teens Are Monsters: 15-year-old Toya is a manipulative con artist with a god complex, and he has a rather worrying kill count.
• Tranquil Fury: When he reveals his true colors, he gives God a brutal dressing down without raising his voice or changing his pitch.
• Troll: He upstages God several times at this while in Heaven (which is not easy considering God's idea of a joke involves killing someone), and his experience in the new world only cement his status as this. At this point, he's nigh-unstoppable, so he's happy to taunt others with his new skills.
• Undignified Death: Before the events of the story, Toya was killed by God via one to five lightning bolts while sitting on the toilet.
• Ungrateful Bastard: He never shows any gratitude towards the twins or Mike for teaching him the ropes in the new world, instead flinging verbal abuse at them at any chance he gets.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Thanks to a healthy dose of Adaptational Villainy, most of his actions are laughably heinous, and he's as unbearable as it gets.
• Villainous Breakdown: Has one when he loses all control as he learns of Belfast's customs.
• Villainous Rescue: Downplayed. He saves both Linze and Elze from the muggers and later helps save Sushi and her butler. It's made clear however that all of them would've been fine without his intervention, and his entitled demeanor towards them afterwards is completely unwarranted.
• Villain Protagonist: Like in canon, Toya is the main focus of the story. Unlike in canon, however, he spreads more misery in the new world than happiness.
• Villain Respect: Played for Laughs when Yae bluntly refuses to be given a nickname:
  Toya: It took real guts to stand up to me like you just did. You get to keep your name.
  Elze: WHY DOES SHE GET TO KEEP HER NAME?!
  Toya: Because I am petty as well as powerful, and fickle as I am fine.
  Elze: This is bullshit. You’re bullshit.
  Toya: You’re not wrong.
• Wise Beyond Their Years: He's only 15, but he can manipulate people like puppets, and has very advanced situational awareness.
• Wham Line: "I guess, if you really push me on it... I'd like to be God."
• Worst Aid: He heals Liam's gaping wound with a recovery spell... before removing the chunk that was lodged inside of him and obstructing his breathing. Because of this, Liam survives but ends with an Incurable Cough of Death that punctuates all his sentences.

The Realm of Heaven

God

Well, I sorta, kinda, MAYBE… Threw one to five lightning bolts at you while you were on the toilet. And uh. I’m very sorry.

Voiced by: Spencer "BuddyVA" Downs

The ruler of the economically depressed realm of heaven, God is a childish and sadistic deity who lives in a 5x5 platform and who killed the protagonist while he was on the toilet because it was his idea of a joke. After this, he's blackmailed into giving Toya another chance at life in a different world, a brand new set of magical powers... and his phone number. He's currently on his way to become Toya's unwilling concierge.

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• Adaptational Jerkass: God in the source material killed Toya by accident, and came up with the idea of resurrecting him himself. Here, he kills him for fun, and has to be blackmailed into giving him his resurrection.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: He regarded Toya as a friend in the source material, while here he repeatedly tries to get rid of him.
• Ascended Extra: A small case: Here, his conversation with Toya is much longer and complicated, and he also gets put on speaker by Toya for a long time, meaning that he's kept on the story for the first half of his conversation with Mike.
• The Atoner: He tries to be this for Toya after killing him, offering him a penthouse in heaven and a harp as compensation. However, it's clear he isn't really remorseful, and what little sympathy he might've had goes down the drain when he sees Toya's true self.
• Beard of Evil: Fitting the God archetype, he has a very long beard, but is neither wise nor benevolent.
• Beleaguered Assistant: He'll never admit it, but he's essentially Toya's concierge now. Doesn't stop him from insulting him or trying to get him killed, though.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: The ruler of the realm of heaven is a Psychopathic Manchild.
• Black Comedy: His joke of killing Toya with lightning while he was on the toilet. Toya doesn't find it amusing at all.
• Blue-and-Orange Morality: He's the creator of everything, so he naturally sees himself as superior to his creations, whom he has no problem killing if he finds it amusing. However, he recognizes how unfair this is and always tries to offer some compensation to his victims after he's had his fun.
• Bolt of Divine Retribution: Subverted. He killed Toya with lightning, but only because he thought it was funny.
• Break the Haughty: Let's just say that he won't be flinging lightning at people for no reason anytime soon.
• Bribe Backfire: An epic example when he tries to offer Toya some compensation for killing him, and Toya puts on a humble front so that God promises him anything. Then he asks to become God...
• Broken Pedestal: Whatever respect Toya might've had for him as a deity vanished completely after God informs him of how he killed him, his lack of remorse evident.
• Butt-Monkey: He gets outsmarted and humiliated by Toya twice, and now he's forced to answer his phone whenever Toya pleases.
• Camping a Crapper: A non-pragmatic version. He killed Toya while he was on the toilet because he thought it would be funnier that way.
• Comically Small Bribe: He meekly offers Toya a penthouse in Heaven and a harp for hastily killing him for fun.
• Deadly Prank: He pulls one on Toya while he was on the toilet. It kickstarts the events of the story.
• Disappointed in You: After Mike agrees to make Toya a millionaire in exchange for his clothes:
  God: YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS, MIKE!!!
• Dude, Where's My Respect?: Happens whenever Toya makes a fool of him. Specific examples are when he kisses phone Satan in front of him, and again when he puts him on speakerphone while on the new world.
  God: Don't you put me on speaker! Don't you put GOD on speaker!
  Toya: You're on speaker.
• Embarrassing Nickname: Toya calls him "Bubby" at one point, much to his outrage.
• Everyone Has Standards: He might enjoy killing individuals when he's bored, but he's briefly taken aback when he reads Toya's resume and sees that he was the guy predestined to cure cancer.
• Evil Old Folks: He looks like an old man and is a sadistic asshole.
• Eyes Always Shut: He's always shown this way, regardless of how frustrated he gets with Toya.
• Expy: He could be seen as one to Abridged Kayaba from another SWE abridged series. They're both Unwitting Instigators of Doom "gods" (without the quotations in God's case) who trigger the events of the series through their incompetence at their highly stressful job, and end up paying the price for it (Kayaba accidentally creates a deadly glitch in his game Sword Art Online due to being overworked, while God kills Toya for fun without realizing that he was suppossed to be the guy who went on to cure cancer). The main difference between them is how they react to their mistake: Kayaba doubles down on his screw-up and locks everyone in SAO to force them to finish the game, while God at least tries to atone for his mistake by offering Toya some form of compensation (mundane as it was).
• Failed a Spot Check: As revenge for his smug behavior, God intentionally sent Toya to a world where everyone spoke "a mix of Klingon, Dothraki and only the clicking parts Dahalo, an endangered South Cushitic language of Kenya." knowing that Toya would die without being able to communicate, since he only had his futuristic smartphone to aid him. It didn't occur to him that said smartphone had a feature that acted as an instant translator in Toya's head, that he himself included.
  Toya: Wow, that's a cool feature. Thanks God.
  God: WHY?! WHY DID I MAKE IT DO THAT?!
• Four Eyes, Zero Soul: He has glasses and he's a petty asshole.
• Genius Ditz: He's God, so he's the creator of everything. He's also a Psychopathic Manchild who gets upstaged by 15-year-old Toya at his own game.
• Get Out!: After getting fed up with him, he kicks Toya out of his 5x5 platform that is his realm of heaven.
• God's Hands Are Tied: After Toya blackmails him into giving him his phone number (with God being forced to answer in three rings or less), he essentially becomes the kid's subordinate.
• The Gods Must Be Lazy: Not only is his realm of heaven completely broke, but he doesn't even bother to check if an individual is of any importance to his world's history before killing him for fun.
• A God Am I: Well, he is God, so he's not wrong when he points it out.
• Insult Backfire:
  • When God calls Satan a "son of a bitch":
  Toya: Isn't he your son?
  • And again when he calls Toya "awful".
  Toya: Well, I was made in your image, sir.
• It Amused Me: While he initially tries to justify it, this is the real reason why he killed Toya while he was on the toilet.
• How the Mighty Have Fallen: God, ruler of the realm of heaven and creator of all, folds like a little bitch when Toya threatens to call Satan on him.
• Jerkass Gods: He starts off the conflict of the story by killing Toya with lighting because that was his idea of a funny joke. He gives a half-hearted apology to him after the fact but later goes on to justify it. Furthermore, he later essentially sets him loose in a new world after giving him powers, whereupon Toya goes on to cause turmoil.
• Jerkass Has a Point: He hits the nail right on the head when he calls Toya "awful". Notably, Toya doesn't deny it.
• Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: It initially seemed like he felt genuinely remorseful for killing Toya, but when the latter refuses his offerings, God goes right back on the defensive, and tries to threaten him into accepting.
• "Just Joking" Justification: "IT WAS FUNNY!"
• Kimono Is Traditional: He wears a Kimono while in heaven.
• Laser-Guided Karma: After abusing his power and killing Toya for kicks, he gets the tables turned on him when his victim blackmails him into being his subordinate.
• Moral Myopia: He thinks nothing of killing a 15-year-old as a joke, but when said 15-year-old doesn't forgive him and blackmails him into doing his bidding, he throws a hissy fit and acts like a victim.
• My God, You Are Serious!: When Toya breaks character and bluntly makes his demand, God lets out a massive wheeze before asking "you what now?". Then Toya reaffirms his statement with a stone-cold expression, and God realizes what he has done.
• Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: When he released Toya in the new world, he expected him to die because he didn't know the language, only to remember that the future smartphone he allowed him to take with himself also has a feature that translates any foreign speech directly into the user's brain, making Toya easily have the advantage over anyone he encounters.
• Not Helping Your Case: When he tries to offer Toya a harp as compensation from killing him, Toya accepts, only for God to inform him that they're on storage at the time. This does not paint heaven in a good light for Toya, and he soon gets God to grant him a better wish.
• No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: His attempts at taking accountability to Toya end with the boy strong-arming him into giving him powers, a future smartphone, and his phone number.
• Oh, Crap!: A minor one when he realizes Toya was the guy who would've cured cancer had he not killed him. He has an even bigger one when he finds out that Toya is much more vindictive than he let on.
• Only Sane by Comparison: Since Toya is such an unapologetic dick, God comes across as the Straight Man during their conversation, but is as bad as the former.
• Pet the Dog: Though he kills Toya for fun, he still offers him some compensation in heaven after the fact, promising him a penthouse and a harp, which he gets from storage.
• Psychopathic Manchild: He's a Troll who thinks nothing of killing his people for shits and giggles, and he's also surprisingly gullible for the creator of everything.
• Rejected Apology: Lets just say that Toya didn't accept the harp.
• Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Understandable since he actually makes the rules.
  God: IT PIPES MUSIC DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN!
  Toya: I’d rather have a headphone jack…
  God: FINE! IT CAN DO BOTH NOW! Cause you’re sooo picky...
• There Is No Kill Like Overkill: He tells Toya that he killed him with "one to five lightning bolts". With what we know about him, it could've very well been six.
• This Cannot Be!: When Toya calls Satan:
  God: Who are you calling?! You're dead!
• Troll: Other than his Deadly Prank, the "better world" he releases Toya in is a home for degenerates and psychopaths, and they speak a ridiculously complicated language. Unfortunately for him, he failed to account for Toya's future smartphone.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: He really had no idea Toya was created as the guy who cured cancer when he picked him to be his victim.
• Sadist: He must have a really skewed sense of humor if his idea of a joke was to kill (what he thought was) an innocent person with lighting while he was on the toilet. When Toya rightfully calls him out on it, God accuses him of not having a sense of humor.
• Would Hurt a Child: Toya was 15 when he died, and God knew that, but killed him anyway.
• You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: Comes close to saying it word for word at several points in the story, mostly flabbergasted by Toya's unapologetically dickish behavior.

The Better World

Toya's subordinates

Elze / Longhair / Clown Nose / Thunder Thighs

This is bullshit. You're bullshit.

Voiced by: Katy "KaniDay" Johnson

Elze is a logical and destitute adventurer and tough fighter who, alongside her twin sister Linze, becomes Toya's unwilling servant after he "saves" them from a pair of robbers. Despite Toya's dickish behavior and underhanded actions, Elze sticks with him because of his massive stash of golden coins, which are enough to last an entire modest lifestyle. This doesn't stop her from growing increasingly exasperated by the many many Embarrassing Nicknames Toya bestows upon her.

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• Accomplice by Inaction: Played for Laughs when Toya admonishes her for not telling her sister to tell him about null magic.
  Toya: You wound me, Muffin-Sensei. AND YOU! Clown Nose! I’m busting you all the way down to "Thunder Thighs"!
  Elze: I didn’t do ANYTHING!!
  Toya: Exactly. You failed to stop this travesty, and are therefore complicit in her misdeeds!
  Elze: Bullshit!!!
• Action Girl: She breaks Gregg's skull with a single punch, and it's stated that she would've been able to handle Thomas as well had Toya not intervened.
• Adaptational Comic Relief: Subverted. She's the only character in the show who is played more seriously than her canon counterpart.
• Adaptational Intelligence: She was no dumbass in the source material, but her Tsundere tendencies could cloud her judgement on occasion. Here, she's extremely logical and perceptive, and serves as the Straight Man of the episode.
• Adaptational Jerkass: Not to the extent of Toya or even her sister, but this incarnation of her is much more harsh and accustomed to Belfast's practices, and doesn't blink at murder.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Lets' just say she's not falling in love with Toya anytime soon.
• Aloof Ally: She couldn't care less about Toya's "helicarrier dreams", but she accompanies him regardless.
• Anti-Hero: She was a Knight in Sour Armor at the beginning, but after meeting Toya she becomes a Pragmatic Hero since she never meaningfully stands up to him.
• Atrocious Alias: "Clown Nose" was aleady bad when Toya was using it, but then her own sister took it in, and nobody ever called her "Elze" again for the reminder of the episode.
• Audience Surrogate: Especially made clear when Toya breaks the rules of their world and learns all the magic in one day.
  Toya Now I know all the magic.
  Elze: THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S POSSIBLE! WHAT ARE YOU?!
• Beleaguered Assistant: She doesn't hesitate to call Toya out on his dickish behavior, but she still follows him around because of his stash of golden coins.
• Be Careful What You Wish For: She asks Toya to change the "longhair" nickname, and she gets dubbed "clown nose" as a result.
• Big "OMG!": When Toya casually reveals his secret bag of golden coins, after she had been elated about the idea of getting four copper coins from a quest. Her screams can be heard from outside the diner.
  Elze: ooOOH MY GOOOODDD!!!
• Big Sister Instinct: She protects Linze and herself from Thomas and Gregg, and she also gets mad when Toya calls her "pumpkin". It's ultimately downplayed as she doesn't do anything when Linze gets addicted to tea.
• Brutal Honesty: She bluntly tells Toya that he killed Thomas when he's briefly delusional. She also tells him that their rescue was unwarranted as she could've saved herself.
• The Cassandra: Nobody ever listens to what she has to say. Not Gregg, not Linze, and especially not Toya.
• Cloud Cuckoolanders Minder: She's this to her twin sister Linze, trying (and failing) to keep her from telling strangers about their guild or their magic tricks.
• Combat Pragmatist: She strikes Gregg while he's mourning the loss of his friend.
• Damsel out of Distress: She beats up Gregg after he tries to rob her, and claims that she would've been able to handle Thomas as well.
• Deadpan Snarker: She prefers to express her frustrations angrily instead of sarcastically, but she still has her moments of this, especially with her sister and Toya.
  Elze: When Thomas’ spinal column crumpled like a damp paper towel, did that imply to you a wealth of structural integrity?
• Do Wrong, Right: While she's being mugged by two idiots, the first thing she tells them is that their "diamond stabbing implement" is completely useless as a weapon as it isn't sharp.
• Dude, Where's My Respect?: She's noticeably upset when Linze thanks only Toya for saving her when Elze had taken care of half the work.
• Embarrassing Nickname: So far, we've got "Longhair", "clown nose", and "Thunder Thighs".
• Everyone Has Standards: She's not affected by Toya killing Yae's companions, but she draws the line at hiring her for the team right after the fact.
• Expy: She's one to Abridged Klein from another SWE abridged series. They both serve as the Straight Man amongst their peers, and get treated as an afterthought by their most experienced teammate (Toya and Kirito respectively). To hammer this point home, they both have Embarrassing Nicknames given to them by the protagonists (Elze has "Longhair", "clown nose", and "Thunder Thighs", while Klein has Ballsdeep69).
• Extreme Doormat: Downplayed. She constantly complains about Toya's attitude and actions, but never does anything to stop him, and still assists him in his missions. Noticeably, when she's mad at Toya's nicknames, she asks him to change her nickname after he refuses to use her actual name instead of insisting that he address her properly.
• Gold Digger: While initially hesitant to share anything about her league with Toya, she instantly becomes part of his league when she sees his stash of golden coins.
• High-Pressure Emotion: There's a reason Toya called her "Clown Nose": It gets red when she's upset.
• Insufferable Genius: Toya sees her as this, which is why he's constantly demeaning her and embarrassing her.
• No Respect Girl: She never gets any respect from Toya at the very least.
• Kick the Dog: She kills Gregg as he's mourning Thomas' death. While he had tried to mug her, he was in no position to hurt her, as his already useless weapon had been destroyed.
• Knight in Sour Armor: She gets easily frustrated and spends most of her screentime complaining about Toya's attitude, but she still accompanies the group to wherever Toya wants to go.
• Smart Jerk and Nice Moron: The "Smart Jerk" to Linze's "Nice Moron".
• Not So Above It All: At one point, she accidentally calls Linze "muffin", like Toya does.
• No Sympathy: Since he had tried to mug her, she has no sympathy for Gregg when his grandmother's diamond antler is destroyed, and even less when his fiancée Thomas is killed in front of him. She later kills him with a Tap on the Head while he's in mourning and moves on.
• Only Sane Woman: The only character in the episode with an ounce of common sense.
• Pay Evil unto Evil: After Gregg tries to mug her, she kills him with one punch.
• Pragmatic Hero: She hesitates to bring in Yae because Toya had just murdered all of her friends, and she could be in for revenge. Luckily, Yae is very forgiving.
• Properly Paranoid: She warns Linze not to teach any magic to Toya, and it predictably falls on deaf ears. Considering the first thing Toya does with his magic is kill a bunch of innocent people (granted, he thought they were villains, but still), her hesitation was more than justified.
• Rags to Riches: On her way to become this through Toya, if he allows her to keep some of the money, that is.
• Seen It All: Since the world she lives in is rotten to the core, witnessing and committing murder is an everyday occurrence for her.
• Straight Man: The closest thing this episode has to one. She's the only subordinate to Toya who knows how delusional he is.
• Super-Strength: Her main attribute. Then Toya comes in, and she's left completely useless in comparison.
• Tap on the Head: She kills Gregg this way.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: She delivers an epic one to Thomas and Gregg as they're mugging her.
  Elze: How many times do I have to explain this to you, Gregg? That thing in your hand that you keep trying to rob us with? One, it is NOT a viable weapon. It is not SHARP, GREGG. Two, as it is made of FUCKING DIAMOND, it is worth a LOT of money. If you sell it, you’d get WAY MORE than the NO money that WE have! GREGG! LOOKIN AT YOU AS WELL, THOMAS!
• Token Good Teammate: The only member of Toya's team with something resembling a moral compass.
• Too Desperate to Be Picky: Toya is a lousy leader and a horrible person, but when he has a lot of cash (and the means to earn more) and you're destitute, he's as good as it gets.
• Ungrateful Bitch: She doesn't give Toya so much as a "thanks" for helping her handle Thomas and Gregg, and this is before he starts being a dick towards her.
• Women Are Wiser: Zig-Zagged. She's the smartest and most logical member of Toya's team, but said team is primarily composed of other women, who are mostly nuts.
• You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: When Toya shows off his many skills, which he acquired in the span of minutes, she has this reaction.

Linze / Pumpkin / Muffin

Clown nose, he gave me tea. I owe him a life debt.

Voiced by: Carrie "xbubblemunkyx" Johnston

Linze is a Ditzy, destitute and hyperactive adventurer with an addictive streak who, alongside her twin sister Elze, becomes Toya's servant after he saves them from a pair of robbers. Despite how mean Toya is to her, Linze sticks with him because he introduced her to tea, which she's now addicted to.

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• Adaptational Dumbass: The original Linze wasn't the brains of her group but she wasn't a complete lunatic.
• Adaptational Jerkass: A minor example, but her jealous streak in the original anime is turned into more overt creepiness.
• Affectionate Nickname: Toya calls her "Pumpkin" and "muffin". What stops this from being an Embarrassing Nickname is that Linze doesn't mind them.
• Annoying Younger Sibling: While they seem to be about the same age, she's this to Elze, since she never listens to a thing she says. She even starts using Toya's nicknames when talking to her.
• Anti-Hero: She only seems interested in getting tea, everything else be damned. Of course, Toya uses this to his advantage.
• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Whenever Elze tries to keep her on track, Toya usually distracts her with something mundane like tea.
• Bad Samaritan: Showcased when she gives Toya a book.
  Toya: Aww, how correct of you, Muffin~
  Linze: Now you give me something.
  Toya: Uh… Thank... you?
  Linze: More.
• Because You Were Nice to Me: A variation. Toya was everything but nice to her, but he invited her to tea once, so she now owes him her life.
• Brainless Beauty: She's as pretty as in the source material, but she's considerably dumber than other characters in the episode.
• Cloud Cuckoolander: After being introduced to tea, she becomes completely and utterly bonkers.
• Cute and Psycho: She's very upbeat and childish, but she has more than one screw loose. She also has a profound lack of situational awareness, and a crippling addiction to tea. Even Toya is scared of her sometimes.
• Damsel in Distress: Unlike Elze, it's all but stated she wouldn't have been able to defeat Thomas and Gregg without assistance.
• Drink-Based Characterization: Subverted. Linze is a bubbly, feminine, and hyperactive young girl who has a crippling addiction to tea of all beverages.
• Extreme Doormat: Even more than her sister. Because of this, Toya easily manipulates her into doing his bidding.
• Expy: To Abridged Asuna from another SWE abridged series, being both Cute and Psycho girls with obsessive personalities (Asuna towards Kirito, Linze towards tea), and they're both voiced by xbubblemunkyx. However, Asuna is far better at maintaining a Mask of Sanity than Linze is, making the latter more of a personification of Asuna's hidden inner self.
• Forged Message: When Toya and Elze are checking out the quest board, it's shown that Linze had written her own quest (selling tea to her) in crayon over the actual quests.
• Genki Girl: She's an bubbly and energetic Cloudcuckoolander with a Motor Mouth. Notably, tea only makes her more hyperactive.
• Keet: Linze is always very hyperactive, and her introduction to tea only makes things worse.
• It's All About Me: After she gets addicted to tea, that's all she cares about.
• I Owe You My Life: How she sees her relationship with Toya, because he gave her tea.
• Loose Lips: Against her sister's protests, she tells Toya about their secret league seconds after meeting him, and also spills all about the different types of magic just a few hours later, which makes the guy almost invincible.
• Motor Mouth: When she's rambling about tea.
  Linze: You can sell tea. To me. Me Tea. Tea for me. All the tea. Tea time is the me time... for tea. [Frantic breathing] Youcanselltea.
• Ms. Exposition: She's the one who introduces Toya to null magic.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: She destroys the lizards that were targeting Sushi's guards. In doing so, she blows them up so violently that a piece of them is inserted in Liam's chest. To add insult to injury, the lizards had literally no strengths, so her intervention was pointless.
• Nightmare Fetishist: She wanted to stay in the duke's manor for the song would you like a child bride?, saying that it was just getting good.
• Screaming Woman: When Toya shows her and Elze his stash of coins, she screams her lungs out.
• Smart Jerk and Nice Moron: The "Nice Moron" to Elze's "Smart Jerk".
• Talkative Loon: Rather unhinged and talks a little too much for her own good.
• Trademark Favorite Drink: The "hot leaf juice" that is tea. She doesn't actually like it, but she can't stop drinking it.
• Undying Loyalty: To Toya, because he introduced her to tea.
  Linze: Clown nose. He gave me tea. I owe him a life debt.
• Wide Eyes and Shrunken Irises: Whenever tea is mentioned, she sports this look. Pictured above.
• Womanchild: She obsesses over tea like an 8-year-old would obsess about a toy. Even before that, she was clearly far more childish than her sister.
• You Called Me "X"; It Must Be Serious: After his horrific experience at the duke's palace, Toya is so utterly shocked that he calls Linze by her proper name instead of "muffin". She doesn't point this out, though.

Yae

You done killed all my friends back there. You know what that means, don’tcha? Means I’ll be needin’ some new friends. Y’all got an openin’? I had references, but uh... Yeah.

Voiced by: Justice "SeigiVA" Washington

Yae is a stoic and extremely forgiving samurai with a deep, masculine voice who willingly joins Toya's group because he killed her friends. Because of her assertiveness, Toya allows her to keep her name.

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• Action Girl: She's allegedly a skilled samurai, though the only people who could attest to that are now dead.
• Adaptational Jerkass: Instead of a kind-hearted and loyal samurai, she's The Unfettered who gives zero shits about her fallen friends.
• Affably Evil: She's very composed and polite to everyone she meets, but has no emotional attachments or sense of empathy, and will merrily join a gang of psychopaths after they've killed her circle of friends.
• Anti-Hero: Nominal Hero at best, as she has next to no redeeming qualities and assists Toya, who is an Anti-Hero himself.
• Defeat Means Friendship: A variation: Her friends' deaths at Toya's hands means friendship to Toya.
• Embarrassing Nickname: Subverted. Toya initially calls her "One Bow Two Bow Red Bow Blue Bow", but eventually allows her to keep her name when she earns his respect.
• Evil Sounds Deep: Bizarrely for an anime girl, she has the deepest voice of the entire cast by a longshot, and while not "evil", she's definitely a troubled person.
• Everyone Has Standards: She's uncomfortable when she hears that Toya had sold his clothes to an insane pervert, politely asking him to "tell less truth less time".
• Evil Virtues: While she doesn't have a moral code to speak of, she prioritizes honesty in a person, though she'll appreciate if you omit the more unsettling parts of your story.
• Expy: To Tiffany/Abridged Agil from another SWE abridged series. They both have deep, guttural voices and an apathetic personality (though Yae's is far greater than Tiffany's). Furthermore, Tiffany was implied to have been a G.I.R.L. in Sword Art Online, meaning that they were both anime girls with deep voices.
• Fair-Weather Friend: She treats everyone around her with utmost respect, but her idea of "friendship" doesn't involve caring for their well-being.
• Gender Flip: Zig-Zagged. She now has an overtly masculine voice, but she retains her feminine appearance and Toya refers to her with female pronouns.
• The Hedonist: It's heavily implied she's a wanderer who only seeks to enjoy herself with a circle of people, but never forms any emotional attachments with any of them.
  Yae: [After Toya threatens the Twins] Y'all are fun.
• Horrible Judge of Character: At one point, she says that Toya "seems like a stand-up guy". This is after he kills her friends, by the way.
• Hypercompetent Sidekick: Since she's assertive but respectful and doesn't have a moral code, Toya likes her more than the twins.
• Hypocrite: Before sparring with her friends, she says "There ain’t no grouping of friends I prefer more!". She gets over their deaths in a matter of seconds and joins their killers.
• Insane Troll Logic: She joins Toya's group specifically because he killed her friends.
• Lack of Empathy: When her friends are killed, she not only doesn't bat an eye, but she actively seeks to join the group who killed them.
• Loved by All: She was very popular within her circle of friends, with one of them saying that he has nothing but respect for her as a fighter.
• Morality Pet: She's the only person in the group that Toya treats with any respect whatsoever, since she's as apathetic and detached from morality as he is.
• Not So Stoic: She has a horrified look on her face when the duke invites Toya to either brunch or consequences. In general, she seems uncomfortable around the duke, and for good reason.
• The Power of Apathy: When you live in a world whose national pastime is murder, it suits you best to not form any emotional attachments to people.
• Refuge in Audacity: Her complete lack of empathy is what makes Toya respect her.
• Samurai: She's referred to as such by one of her friends, but her sparring mates are all killed before we actually see her in action.
• Sole Survivor: The only warrior in her team of friends who survives Toya's "blinding sand". Justified, as Toya thought she was in peril.
• State The Simple Solution: When Toya starts workshopping her nickname, Yae simply states "or you can just call me Yae". Believe it or not, it works.
• Stepford Smiler: Her smile doesn't match the tone of her voice, at least.
• The Stoic: She hardly ever emotes beyond sporting a creepily emotionless smile on her face.
• Stopped Caring: It's implied her friends at the beginning weren't her first circle, and that she's gotten dangerously used to seeing them all die.
• Tomboyish Voice: Exaggerated. She has the low, raspy voice of a hoarse cowboy.
• Tomboy with a Girly Streak: She's a manly samurai with the voice of a southern cowboy, but she sports a bow and a kimono.
• The Unfettered: Nothing fazes this girl, not even seeing her entire circle of friends die gruesomely in front of her.
• Vocal Dissonance: She's a cute anime girl with the gruff voice of SeigiVA
• With Friends Like These...: Readily allows her friends to die and joins their murderers in a heartbeat.

The duke's explicitly sexual manor

Duke Ortlinde

Would you like a child bride~?

Voiced by: Eagle8Burger

Duke Ortlinde is the creepy and unapologetically misogynistic ruler of Belfast who serves as the main antagonist of the episode. He becomes Toya's first benefactor after he saves his oldest daughter and mother of his youngest daughter, but they cut ties permanently after the young man learns of his "customs".

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• Abusive Parents: While he does seem to care about them in his own twisted way, and is willing to give up a large amount of money and other valuable items for their well being, the cavalier way he treats his daughters shocks even Toya. He pimps out Sushi to him without blinking an eye, and also got her pregnant when she was a child, with the implication that he plans to do the same with her daughter. He also mocks Ellen's blindness and blames her disability on her gender.
• Adaptational Dumbass: He's a lot less perceptive than in canon, bordering on Stupid Evil.
• Adaptational Jerkass: The biggest example so far, surpassing even Toya. He's an unrepentant Straw Misogynist who treats his people like garbage, which is a far cry from the Reasonable Authority Figure that he was in canon.
• Adaptational Villainy: While still willing to marry his underage daughter to Touya in canon, he did so at her own request, and only to avoid an unwanted Arranged Marriage to a horrible person. Here, he pimps her out to strangers in exchange for favors, and is a much bigger creep about it to boot, not to mention he had a child with her.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Ellen is now the duke's daughter instead of his wife; though knowing him, she could be both.
• Affably Evil: As long as you're not a woman. He keeps his word to Toya, invites him to brunch, and even tries to pay him some extra for saving his daughter. Granted, said payment was a child bride, but still. This doesn't make him any less horrifying, though, and his constant Mood Dissonance only unnerve Toya all the more.
• Age-Gap Romance: Has a pretty nasty one with his daughter Sushi.
• Anti-Villain: He never really does anything to Toya or his people, and seems to respect them despite his hatred for women. His actions and demeanor also don't seem to be out of place in Belfast, with only Toya having issues with them In-Universe.
• Aristocrats Are Evil: Zig-Zagged. He's nice to outsiders, but he's horrible to his own people and his family, which is implied to be the norm in Belfast.
• Asshole Victim: If Toya is right about something, it's that he did "a lot of good" when he burnt down his manor and possibly killed him as well.
• Bad Boss: He offers Toya a maid for his troubles, and he insults Liam for ruining his Villain Song with his Incurable Cough of Death.
• Big Bad: Of episode 1. He's the most rotten person that Toya encounters in the new world.
• Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: While he already came off as creepy in his first appearance, it's only while he's having brunch with Toya that he reveals his darker side to him.
• Bullying a Dragon: He doesn't actively bully Toya like he does his daughters, but pushing a child bride unto a magic-wielding person who is clearly unnerved and taken aback by your sexist customs is an easy way to get fried.
• Comically Missing the Point: Twice when having brunch with Toya:
  Duke: So you’re sure that your friends can’t sit with us?
  Toya: No. They need to know their place.
  Duke: Oh good, I didn’t want to say anything, but I do hate all women. Glad to meet a like-minded individual.
  Toya: No, I just mean they’re stupid and annoying—
  Duke: Yes, women are stupid and annoying.
  Toya: No, I just mean THOSE women specifically—
  Duke: Yes, THOSE WOMEN.
  Toya: YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER!
• Death by Adaptation: It's all but stated that Toya killed him for his Parental Incest.
• Establishing Character Moment: He's introduced warmly embracing his daughter while creepily chuckling at the sight of her, and then literally forcing Toya to have brunch with him.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Zig-Zagged. He rewards Toya with a large sum of money (from his people) and a platinum sphere for saving Sushi and Ellen respectively, and seems to be quite cordial with them when he's not laughing at their misery or chuckling weirdly while hugging them. With that said, his treatment of them is too cruel to be considered love, even by the new world's standards.
• Eviler than Thou: His blatantly sexist and narcissistic attitude only proves even Toya has lines he won't cross.
• Evil Is Hammy: He hams up all his lines like The Bard, and even sings some of them for absolutely no reason.
• Evil Is Petty: He subtly threatens to kill Toya if he doesn't agree to have brunch with him.
• Evil Overlord: Casually raises taxes on his people to pay Toya without sacrificing his privileges. When that stops being an option, he tries to pimp out his daughter to him instead.
• Evil Has a Bad Sense of Humor: Regarding his own daughter.
  Duke: Sushi, how is Ellen doing today?
  Sushi: Not so well, father. She's seen better days
  Duke: HAH!! Sorry, It’s funny ‘cause she’s blind.
• Evil Virtues: Gratitude. If he says he'll make something up to you, he will. And if you don't accept, there will be consequences.
• Expy: To Nobuyuki Sugou/Oberon from another SWE abridged series. They're both Straw Misogynists who gross out even the Jerkass protagonist with their horrible actions and demeanor. However, Sugou kept his operations under wraps, while the duke was open and unapologetic about his actions since it was the norm at Belfast.
• Fatal Flaw: His lack of self-awareness. As he's accustomed to his ways of living, he has no idea of just how disgusted his guest Toya is with his actions, which culminates with the kid snapping and burning his manor down after being offered a "child bride". Had the duke not insisted on the offer to the point of even singing about it, Toya would've left his mansion in peace.
• Friendly Enemy: He has no idea of how much Toya despises him, and treats him like a close companion.
• Giggling Villain: He always lets out some eerie chuckles when hugging or holding his daughters' hands.
• He-Man Woman Hater: He even flat out says it out loud in front of his daughter!
• Hate Sink: Every minute of screentime he has is dedicating to reinforcing how much of a vile piece of shit he is. During a stream, SWE explicitly called him "the worst person [they]'ve ever written".
• Horrible Judge of Character: He assumes Toya to be as sexist as him because he considers Linze, Elze, and Yae to be stupid and annoying, even after he explains that he meant those three women specifically and not all women.
• Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: "No sum of money is too great for my Ellen’s health. The money of my people is no object to me! I’ll just raise taxes again!".
• Kick the Dog: Mocking Ellen's blindness, and then blaming her condition on her gender.
• Killed Offscreen: His last seconds of screentime have him gathering a choir for his Villain Song. Then we get a Smash Cut to his mansion on fire.
• Lack of Empathy: When Liam has a brutal coughing fit while singing, the duke only admonishes him for ruining his performance.
• Laughably Evil: He's the most evil character in the episode, but he's so hammy and over the top that he comes across as hilarious.
• No, Mister Bond, I Expect You To Dine: Downplayed, since he and Toya weren't enemies (at least from his perspective), but he does force him to share brunch with him.
• Mood Dissonance: All things considered, his demeanor isn't any different from the original Duke. The problem is that most of his interactions with Toya involve demeaning women (specifically his own daughters) in some way. It gets worse when he starts talking about his wife-daughter.
• Obliviously Evil: He really has no idea of how horrified Toya is of his actions and behavior, and even believes that the boy shares his twisted ideals. Because of this, he says the wildest things without a lick of restraint or remorse.
• Parental Incest: He got his underage daughter pregnant, and it's all but stated that he plans to do the same to her child as well.
• Politically Incorrect Villain: While his views are implied to be the norm in Belfast (if Linze's lack of reaction is any indication), Toya definitely isn't a fan of his horrific traditions.
• Rich Bastard: He's a wealthy duke and the most evil character in the episode.
• Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: He's a high class asshole with no regard for his people or his servants. He also has trouble understanding why Toya would be mad at him sleeping with his daughter.
• The Sociopath: While he's genuinely polite and respectful to strangers (and a lot of his actions can be excused by the new world's Deliberate Values Dissonance), he's a cruel and petty despot who openly and unapologetically expresses his twisted ideals without any regard for other people's well-beings. He also treats his own children like objects, casually raises taxes in his kingdom to pay off his debts, and refuses to accept Toya's rejection of a child bride as a parting gift.
• Straw Misogynist: He blatantly tells Toya that he hates all women minutes after meeting him, and believe it or not, he only gets worse from there.
• Uncertain Doom: While it's unlikely Toya would have let him live considering the circumstances, it's unclear whether he burned up alongside his manor.
• Upper-Class Twit: For a Duke, he has little to no self awareness. Granted, Toya is from another world so their values clearly contrast, but still.
• Villainous Incest: He has this relationship with his daughter and his daughter's plural, as he calls her.
• Villain Respect: He respects Toya enough to force him to have brunch with him, and insists on paying him extra for his services.
• Villain Song: Would you like a child bride?
  Toya: Why did you think singing it would make it better?!
  Duke: Didn't it? I must've been off-key.
• Would Hit a Girl: We never actually see him raise a hand against anyone but the horrific things he casually claims to do to his daughters are more than enough proof for Toya.
• Would Hurt a Child: He tosses Sushi away while meeting Toya, and later suggests letting Ellen die from her illness. And let's not get into what else he does to them.

Sushi

Break a piece off me. Do it.

Voiced by: "Chi-Chi"

Sushi is Duke Ortlinde's oldest daughter who gets saved by Toya from a lounge of giant lizards. She's presented as somewhat saner than her father, but unfortunately the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

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• Abhorrent Admirer: She was already this to Toya to an extent (at least at first) in canon, but here, he's borderline creeped out by her, which gets worse when she agrees to be his child bride.
• Abusive Parents: If her last scene with Ellen is any indication, she's doing to her daughter what her father did to her.
• Adaptational Angst Upgrade: The original Sushi's main struggle was the prospect of an Arranged Marriage with a man she didn't like, but she escaped that fate early in the story. Here, not only has she been impregnated by her father, but she also gets pimped out and used by him throughout the story. It's also suggested she died at the end of the first episode too.
• Adaptational Intelligence: Zig-Zagged. She's much more knowledgeable about sexual matters (which is in a large part due to an Adaptational Angst Upgrade), and her speech is a tad more mature sounding than her Baby Talk in canon.
• Adaptational Jerkass: It's very heavily suggested that she's partaking in the same Parental Incest her father is.
• Affably Evil: She's easily one of the politest characters in the story, but she's a part of the Ortlinde family, and participates in their activities.
• Age-Gap Romance: She has a pretty ugly one with her father.
• Age Lift: Since she has a daughter that isn't a baby by any stretch of the word^note though the duke does state that she came out of the womb looking like a 30-year-old woman, she can't be 9 in this version, despite looking the part.
• Anti-Villain: She condones and actively partakes in the horrific actions of her family, but with a father like duke Ortlinde, it's hard to blame her. It doesn't help that she has been forced to be a mother at a very very young age.
• Broken Bird: A variation. She's completely internalized her father's abuse, and perpetually acts like The Pollyanna even as he insults her to her face.
• Corrupt the Cutie: Her abusive father's treatment of her has left her as oblivious to Toya's gripes with their customs as he was, and if her creepy chuckle when hugging her daughter is any indication, she's following in his footsteps.
• Creepy Child: Tells (or directly orders) Toya with complete seriousness to "break a piece off [her]". Toya refuses without skipping a beat.
• Death by Adaptation: She's implied to have died when Toya snaps and destroys the duke's manor.
• Depraved Bisexual: She's implied to have incestuous relationships with her daughter, and blatantly asks Toya for sexual favors despite how uncomfortable he was.
• Dirty Kid: Played for Black Comedy. Due to her father's influence, she's already more than likely having sex with her own daughter. She's also happy to be pimped out to Toya, and has completely internalized the Duke's sexual abuse.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Creepy as she is, she endlessly dotes on her butler Liam, and promises Toya that her father would reward him with anyone he wants as compensation for saving his life. She also worries for her daughter's well-being, and is overjoyed when she heals.
• Evil Virtues: Like her father, she's adamant in rewarding Toya for his services, promising him "anyone [he] want[s]".
• Freudian Excuse: She's very unsettling and creepy, but it all comes down to her father's abuse, which she has internalized and is now on the process of projecting it unto her daughter.
• Happiness in Slavery: When the duke offers her up, she readily accepts to be Toya's child bride with a creepy smile in her face.
• Hidden Depths: Despite being the youngest in the carrier, she's the one to advise Toya to remove the lodged lizard chunk from Liam's chest before closing his wound, showing more knowledge of first aid than him.
• Internalized Categorism: Toya protests that her father is an outspoken misogynist despite having a daughter, but Sushi herself doesn't seem to mind.
• Like Father, Like Daughter: She shares her father's tendency to chuckle inappropriately when she's hugging her daughter.
• Older Than They Look: Since this is an abridged series, her implied Age Lift doesn't match her character model at all. Toya makes the understandable mistake of confusing her daughter for her mother when he first sees her.
• Parental Incest: Implied to have this with her daughter Ellen, if her weird chuckle, mirroring her father's, while hugging her is any indication.
• The Pollyanna: She addresses almost every situation with a happy-go-lucky attitude, despite the absolute horrific life she has.
• Rape as Backstory: Defied. Despite her father abusing her in all the worst ways and impregnating her, she's eerily happy around him.
• Sex Slave: Or "Child bride", but it she fits all criteria, alongside an unnerving dose of Happiness in Slavery.
• Small Parent, Huge Child: Ellen allegedly came out of Sushi's womb with the size of a 30-year-old woman. She nearly split her in half.
• Sympathetic Slave Owner: She's quick to offer Toya her father's people as a reward for saving their butler, but considering she's still a child, it's hard to hold it against her. While he's creeped out by her, Toya directs all of his anger on her father.
• Teen Pregnancy: What's worse is that she's supposed to be 9 in the source material, so unless we're dealing with some heavy Artistic Licence – Biology, she went through this with Ellen. Of course, she was almost split in half by the delivery as stated by the duke.
• Troubled Child: You wouldn't think so at first, but her father's treatment has really rubbed off on her.
• Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: While her age here is unknown, she definitely is too young to be a mother and offer her body out to Toya.
• Uncertain Doom: When Toya burns down the manor, it's unclear if Sushi perished in the fire alongside her father.
• Vague Age: She was confirmed to be 9 in the source material, but considering she has a daughter that is already able to speak coherently, she has to be in her early teens at earliest.
• Wise Beyond Her Years: To an extent that borders on Troubling Unchildlike Behavior. She's far more mature and respectful than her father, but she also has internalized his abusive behavior, so her attitude makes her come across as creepy rather than mature.

Ellen

Mother?! Father?!

Voiced by: Caitlin "MOM0KI" Myers

Ellen is the daughter of Duke Ortlinde and Sushi who came out of the latter's womb looking like a 30-year-old woman, nearly splitting her underage mother in half. She suffers from a terminal blindness which Toya literally slaps away with a recovery spell.

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• Adaptational Angst Upgrade: As if being blind wasn't enough, this version of her is also implied to be subjected to Parental Incest by both her parents. To a much lesser degree, her healing process also involves Toya slapping her in the face this time around.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Her canon daughter is now her mother, and her canon husband is now her father.
• Creepy Child: Subtle, but she can be heard chuckling alongside her parents as they hug, implying she's a willing participant in their Parental Incest.
• Death by Adaptation: Implied to have been killed alongside her family when Toya burns down the manor.
• Reflectionless Useless Eyes: She had these before being cured by Toya.
• Small Parent, Huge Child: The huge child to Sushi's small parent.
• Uncertain Doom: It's unclear if she died in the fire when Toya snapped and burned the manor to the ground.
• Younger Than They Look: Played for Laughs since her mother was her canon daughter. Lampshaded by Toya.
  Toya: [Trying and failing to sound casual] Ellen sure does look like a 30-year-old woman.
  Duke: Doessn't she? Came out the womb like that. Nearly split Sushi in half she did.
• Wham Line: "Mother? Father?!"

Liam

I’m alive! I’m as spry as a spring chicken! And just as— *GROSS COUGH* —Fit!

Voiced by: Spencer "BuddyVA" Downs

Liam is Sushi's beloved butler who comes close to dying from a lizard chunk getting lodged in his chest but is healed by Toya. However, since the latter forgot to remove the chunk so he now has to live with a gross cough that punctuates his sentences.

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• And I Must Scream: Since Toya closed his wound before removing the lizard chunk lodged in his throat, he now has to live with coughing his lungs out at the end of every sentence he utters.
• Anti-Villain: He's part of the exploitation and abuse that occurs in Belfast, even singing (or attempting to sing) "Would You Like a Child Bride" alongside the duke, but from what we see of him, he doesn't seem to be that bad of a guy.
• Battle Butler: Downplayed, as he's not really an action guy, but he's more useful than the actual guards.
• Death by Adaptation: If his cough didn't kill him, it's implied Toya's fire spell did.
• Dreadful Musician: Tries to harmonize the first verse of the duke's Villain Song with him, but his chronic gross cough ends up ruining it for everyone.
• Incurable Cough of Death: Has one after Toya heals him.
• I Owe You My Life: To Toya, not knowing that he's the reason he got hurt in the first place.
• Loved by All: Sushi endlessly dotes on him, and the duke pays Toya a large sum of money (from his people) for saving his life.
• Major Injury Underreaction: He doesn't pay his Incurable Cough of Death any mind, and pays the price for it later in the story.
• Near-Death Experience: He nearly died from taking a lizard chunk to the chest. Toya manages to heal him, but forgets to remove the lizard chunk obstructing his throat, so it's all but stated that he's basically on burrowed time.
• Non-Action Guy: Justified, as he's a butler and not a bodyguard.
• The Pollyanna: After being revived, he's incredibly overjoyed, and completely shrugs off his Incurable Cough of Death.
• Punch-Clock Villain: Despite being complicit in the horrors of Belfast, he's merely a butler.
• Uncertain Doom: Like the Ortlinde family, it's unclear whether he died when Toya destroyed the manor in his rampage, since he was in the room with the duke.

Sushi's guards

We owe you our lives. Being that we’re allergic to fighting, there was no way we could oppose those lizards.

Sushi's completely useless guards who suffer from an allergy to fighting, and therefore are unable to fend off a pack of lizards.

---

• Abnormal Allergy: They have a literal allergy to fighting, and arguing, apparently.
  Toya: I have so many questions for you.
• Adaptational Wimp: Exaggerated. They weren't all that useful in the source material, but that had more to do with their enemies having magical powers. Here, they literally die if they try to fight.
• Anti-Villain: They're guards at Belfast, so they're at least complicit in the horrors going on there, but from what we see of them, they don't seem to be bad people other than being completely useless.
• Death by Adaptation: It was bound to happen with bodyguards who can't fight, but it's not like they stood a chance against Toya even if they tried.
• Extreme Doormat: Since they literally can't talk back to Toya without dying, the teenager walks over them easily.
  Guard: There’s no time! The mistress’ butler is dying, and—
  Toya: What if I wanted there to be more time?
  Guard: Well, I wouldn’t fight you on it of course.
• Harmless Villain: They're guards at Belfast, but they literally can't oppose anyone without harming themselves.
• I Owe You My Life: To Toya, who saved them from a pack of lizards.
• The Load: One has to wonder what the duke was thinking to have them protect his daughter.
• Mook: To duke Ortlinde, though they're not very good ones.
• Non-Action Guy: By nature rather than by choice.
• Punch-Clock Villain: And not very good ones either.
• 2 + 2 = 5: Due to their passive personalities, they readily accept Toya's claim that there be "more time" to save Liam, even though there objectively isn't.
• Uncertain Doom: It's implied they all died when Toya burnt down the mansion.

Other freaks and perverts

Mike the Millionaire

DID SOMEBODY SAY "TOMBSTONE-FUCKER?!"

Voiced by: "Jeff Abridges"

Mike is an eccentric and brutally honest millionaire who lives in "an explicitly sexual manor" with a weird affinity for smelling clothes "in an explicitly sexual manner". He makes Toya rich in exchange for his otherworldly clothes.

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• Adaptational Nice Guy: Downplayed. He's much more cordial and collected when buying Toya's clothes than in the original, though that somehow makes him weirder considering what his intentions are.
• "Balls" Gag: His "ball" room, which has orgasms of the highest stakes.
• Brutal Honesty: He describes in detail wants to do with Toya's clothes to his face, and what he's willing to pay for it.
• Cloud Cuckoolander: A much more well-spoken version, but he's a sex maniac who intercepts strangers to trade with them with no sense of nuance or subtlety.
• Depraved Homosexual: Downplayed. He's a blatant pervert, and bizarrely open about having performed oral sex on another man, but he's the nicest character in the story, and always treats Toya in a very respectful manner.
• Dirty Old Man: He's at least three times Toya's age, but still asks for his clothes to smell. It should be noted that he never makes any advances towards the minor, as his interest lies only with his clothes.
• First Contact: He's Toya's first acquaintance in the new world.
• Literal-Minded: When Toya tells him that he wishes he had died in infancy, he apologizes for that not being the case, and when he tells him to "drown in a two-inch pond", he explains how the puddle could never do the job.
• Lovable Sex Maniac: He's not all there in the head, but he's the most altruistic character in the first episode.
• I Love the Dead: He answers to "Tombstone Fucker", and considering his personality, it's likely not past him.
• Noodle Incident: He apparently managed to avoid choking on a two-foot dick. Toya is not interested in hearing the details.
• Nice Guy: Weird fetishes aside, he's the nicest character in the story. He even politely asks Toya for his clothes in exchange for a bag of golden coins. He also takes his insults in stride, and gleefully bids goodbye to him when they part.
• Perverted Sniffing: What he plans to do with Toya's clothes. It's ultimately downplayed since he politely asks for permission first.
• Rejection Affection: A platonic version with Toya.
  Toya: It has not been a pleasure, Mike. Goodbye. Forever.
  Mike: Goodbye, new best friend!
• Skewed Priorities: He's a millionaire, but he wishes to become a clothes owner instead.
• Uncle Pennybags: A slightly more perverted version, but still applies, as he makes a stranger rich in exchange for his clothes.
• Upper-Class Twit: He's a millionaire, and he gives off a lifetime worth of his money to a random guy in exchange for clothes.

Gregg and Thomas

Thomas: Now, give us your golden coins or we’ll stab you between two and seventy-nine times. Gregg: Or, you know, shot in the dark, Thomas, will you marry me? ^note Thomas is on the left, Gregg is on the right

Voiced by: Grimmjack69 (Gregg) and Matthew "YamatoSFX" J. Kok (Thomas)

Gregg and Thomas are two ineffectual criminals who plan to rob Linze and Elze, and get married in the process.

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• Adaptational Angst Upgrade: In the original, they only saw the diamond antler as a valuable item, while in this version it was Gregg's grandmother's dying gift, making it more heartbreaking when Toya destroys it. Furthermore, instead of being knocked out, Thomas is killed in front of Gregg, who is then killed as well while mourning him.
• Adaptational Dumbass: Here, they try to rob the twins with a diamond antler, which was the item they wanted to steal in the first place.
• Adaptational Nice Guy: While they're still criminals, they're surprisingly affable to Linze and Elze as they're robbing the pair.
• Adaptational Sympathy: Their situation is a lot more miserable than in canon, as are their fates.
• Adaptational Villainy: They go from assholes who traded and underpaid Linze and Elze to flat out robbers. However, they're also a lot nicer than in canon.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: They weren't implied to be involved romantically in the source material.
• Affably Evil: They try to play the big game, but they love each other very much and accept criminal advice from their victims.
• Alas, Poor Villain: Thomas is killed while trying to defend the honor of Gregg's grandmother, while Gregg himself is killed while mourning him, and this all happens seconds after they were about to be engaged! Regardless of their crimes, they did not deserve that fate.
• Anti-Villain: They're too ineffectual to take seriously as robbers, and Linze sees them more like annoyances than an actual threat, down to giving them criminal advice more than once while they were robbing her.
• Bald of Evil: Gregg is bald and is a robber.
• Depraved Homosexual: Downplayed. They're a romantic couple of robbers, but are still more sympathetic than most characters in the story.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones:
  • Despite being destitute, Gregg promised his dying grandmother that he would never sell her "diamond stabbing implement", and would only give it to his future fiancée. He honors his wish by trying to give it to Thomas during the robbery.
  • Furthermore, they value each other as more than partners in crime, and have apparently discussed getting involved romantically in the past. Alas, it never came to be.
• Evil Sounds Deep: Gregg's voice sounds like he's been gargling nails, even when he's proposing to Thomas.
• Honor Before Reason: Gregg insists on robbing Elze and Linze with his grandmother's parting gift, even though Thomas has a knife and could've used it to assist in the robbery.
• Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: They're so inefficient and edgy that it's hard to hate them, and even harder to fear them.
  Gregg: Got 'em!
  Thomas: Haha! "Got 'em" indeed, Gregg. We're so good at crimes.
• I Gave My Word: Gregg promised his grandmother on her deathbed that he would never sell her diamond antler, which is why he gets offended when Elze calls him an idiot for holding on to it.
• Gentle Giant: Gregg is The Big Guy of the pair, but he's naïve enough to propose to Thomas in the middle of an armed robbery.
• In the Back: Thomas gets his back completely broken by Toya with one elbow drop.
• Joisey: Thomas speaks with a New Jersey accent, adding to his loan shark shtick.
• Lean and Mean: Thomas is tall, thin, and a criminal.
• Loan Shark: Since Elze and Linze don't have any money, Thomas' idea to rob them is to offer them a high interest loan and then steal it from them the next day.
• Nightmare Fetishist: Gregg believes that an armed robbery is a perfect romantic setting for a proposal.
• Karmic Death: Gregg is killed by Elze, one of the destitute girls he tried to rob multiple times.
• Revenge: Thomas tries to avenge Gregg's grandmother's final wish by attacking Toya after he destroys her diamond antler.
• Starter Villain: They're the first hostile strangers Toya encounters, and also the least threatening.
• Stupid Evil: If robbing Elze and Linze, who are well versed in magic, with nothing but a diamond antler isn't enough, then trying to kill Toya right after he destroys the diamond antler with minimum effort sure is.
• Tap on the Head: How Gregg bites it, courtesy of Elze.
• There's No Kill like Overkill: Thomas threatens to stab Linze and Elze "between 2 and 79 times".
• Those Two Guys: They're never shown apart.
• Tragic Keepsake: Gregg's diamond antler, given to him by his grandmother. He promised her that he would give it to his would-be bride, so he hasn't sold it despite being in dire need for money. After Elze calls him out on it, he tries to marry his fellow robber Thomas, but Toya destroys the antler before he's able to answer. Though considering Thomas' last words were, for his grandmother, and for our future,' it's likely that he would have said 'yes'.
• True Companions: They're partners in crime and love interests, and they'd do anything for each other.
• Together in Death: They're both killed in the same alley where they tried to rob the twins.
• Would Hit a Girl: Threaten to stab Linze and Elze while robbing them.
• Would Hurt a Child: Thomas lunges at 15-year-old Toya with a knife after he destroys Gregg's Tragic Keepsake.

Yae's friends

I have nothing but respect for you, Samurai!

Yae's horde of friends who are tragically murdered by Toya after he mistakes a sparring session for an attack.

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• Adaptational Nice Guy: There's no evidence of any of them being criminals this time around, which makes their Death by Adaptation all the more tragic.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: They're Yae's friends this time around, and their fight in the source material is changed into a sparring session.
• Cruel and Unusual Death: They're used by Toya as test subjects for his powers, so their deaths are implied to have been quite gruesome.
• Death by Adaptation: As it turns out, Toya's "blinding sand" did more than just blind them.
• Facial Horror: "Does someone know how to glue a face back on?"
• Forgotten Fallen Friend: Played for Laughs. Yae gets over their horrific deaths almost immediately, and quickly moves on to Toya of all people.
• Killed Offscreen: We only see one of them being blinded by the sand before Toya calls off the mission. Yae later confirms they're all dead.
• Undying Loyalty: To Yae. Unfortunately, she doesn't return the favor.

Eddie Izzard the Lizard Wizard

I have summoned lizards... with the equivalent strength... of your average store-bought lizard! They have no weaknesses! Or strengths! Their only weakness...

Voiced by: Grimmjack69

A mysterious figure who summons lizards to attack Sushi and her escort.

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• Adaptational Wimp: He was no badass in the source material, but his lizards could at least hit something then.
• Ambiguously Evil: Considering what the people at Belfast do as a tradition, attacking one of their carriers might not be the most nefarious thing he's done. Granted, he targets the duke's daughter, but she's not exactly innocent herself.
• Boisterous Weakling: He loves to boast about his summoned lizards, even though they are completely useless. Then again, Sushi's guards are literally allergic to fighting.
• Dark Is Evil: He wears a black hood and is a villain.
• Harmless Villain: He summons lizards with the equivalent strength of your average store-bought lizard, and he expects them to kill Sushi's guards. The only reason they hurt anyone is because a piece of them is lodged in Liam's chest after they're blown up.
• In the Hood: How he's presented during the "fight" against Sushi's carrier.
• Smug Snake: He genuinely believes his lizards are top-notch, and smugly boasts about their lack of strength, literally.
• Villain Has a Point: Considering Sushi's guards literally can't fight without dying, summoning giant lizards (weak as they may be), isn't as bad an idea as it otherwise would've been.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: He's not seen again after Linze obliterates his lizards.
• Would Hurt a Child: He tries to, at least. Granted, he likely wouldn't have been able to do anything even if Toya hadn't interfered with his plans.

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