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Warriors of Light/Light Warriors

    Group as a Whole 
Garland: And what kind of tactics do you tend to employ?
Fighter: Oh, we usually murder our way to the top and claim victory whilst astride a pile of mangled bodies.
Garland: I see...
Fighter: But we're heroes so it's okay when we do that.

The... "heroes" of the story, by virtue of the fact that they showed up to the recruiting station at the right time. Vary between stupid and evil (except for Fighter, who's always stupid), and usually solve their problems through sheer luck and/or excessive use of violence.

  • Amusing Injuries: All get hurt in various imaginative ways, rarely do the injuries last more than a panel.
  • And the Adventure Continues: For Black Mage and Fighter at least. The others had better things to do with their time than hang out with Black Mage. Or Fighter. Especially Fighter... but especially Black Mage.
  • Badass Crew: Fighter and Thief get to do badass things on a regular basis, but Black Mage and Red Mage have defeated multiple demigods.
  • Butt-Monkey: Black Mage generally has it the worst, but all of the Light Warriors get their share of abuse at various points.
  • Comic Trio: Red Mage is makes crazy schemes, while Thief and/or Black Mage complain about his nonsense and Fighter just follows whatever plan is given to him.
  • Destructive Saviour: Initially. Later they drop the "saviours" part.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Between each other, no one else was able to horrify them by doing evil acts but themselves since Thief, Red Mage and Black Mage are horrible persons in their own way.
  • Fake Ultimate Hero: They actually aren't the Light Warriors. They just got to King Steve first and convinced him. As is explained eventually, when it comes to their alleged heroics, it's more that heroic deeds were done with them nearby.
  • Four-Man Band: Thief is the Only Sane Man (a kleptomaniac and greedy kind ofsanity), Red Mage thinks he is The Smart Guy, Black Mage is The Pervert (mostly Blood Lust, except when White Mage is involved) and Fighter is the Butt-Monkey (particularly as everyone takes advantage of him being dumb enough to comply).
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: All of them except Fighter. For a certain value of heroic, of course.
  • His Name Really Is "Barkeep": "Black Mage", "Fighter" and "Red Mage" are in fact their actual names.
  • Light Is Not Good: Their official title is the "Light Warriors," but they are far from the noble saviors the name implies.
  • Meaningful Name: McWarrior, Evilwizardington, Statscowski. The only exception is Thief, whose last name is the name of his clan, i.e. Khee'bler. Though Thief's fake surname (since Thief isn't his real first name) might be Bastard.
  • Nominal Hero: In-universe they are only considered heroes because King Steve appointed them to be the Light Warriors, and he only did so because they showed up first and tricked him into choosing them. Neither King Steve who appointed them nor Thief who became their leader cared much about the fate of the world they were supposed to save, as Thief explains in episode 336. As the story progresses it becomes increasingly obvious that the Light Warriors are the Villain Protagonists of the story.
  • No-Sell: Fighter's more or less immune to all damage besides brain trauma (and doesn't have much brain left to traumatize), Thief can dodge (and then sue) nearly anything, and Red Mage often gets out of horrific injury by "forgetting" to record the damage on his character sheet. The only Light Warrior who doesn't have an easy out is Black Mage, to the universe's unceasing delight.
  • Prestige Class: They all eventually get one of these. Black Mage becomes a Blue Mage, Red Mage becomes a Mimic, Fighter becomes a Knight, and Thief becomes a Ninja.
  • Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: And they never really grow out of it. They're at least as destructive to each other as to their enemies.
  • Seen It All: By the end of the comic, except for Fighter. Well, technically he'd seen it all too, but was too busy thinking about swords to really pay attention.
  • Static Character:
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: And that's on the very rare occasions when they do work together at all. Most of the time they are closer to Divided We Fall.
  • True Companions: They're somewhere between a straight example and an inversion. Despite all the obstacles they face together, they all (with the exception of Fighter) absolutely hate each other. At the same time, they will grudgingly cooperate when they have to.
  • Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: With the possible exception of Fighter, the Light Warriors are completely unsympathetic, which is what allows their constant infighting and failures to be so damn funny.
  • Villain Protagonist: Early on in the story Black Mage kills a large number of old people in a nursing home, in the belief that one of them had conned Fighter out of his money. Things go downhill from there. When they do good it is purely by accident.

    Black Mage Evilwizardington 

"If there was a way to get magic for free, do you really think I'd have spent so much time sacrificing children to my dark gods? For spells, I mean. Obviously there'd still be sacrifices. A hobby's a hobby."

The most evil and depraved member of the Light Warriors. Also their dedicated Only Sane Man, blaster, and Butt-Monkey.

    Fighter McWarrior
"I like... what was it again?"

The stupidest member of the Light Warriors, as well as the Token Good Teammate and their frontline warrior. Has moments of clarity which imply a college-level education and the required sanity.

  • Wide-Eyed Idealist: He's trying to help the world. He's an imbecile, a walking disaster area, and has terrible taste in "heroic" companions, but... "I'm a helper!"

    Red Mage Statscowski 

Red Mage: Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any given step will have no impact on the macro level.
Black Mage: That's so stupid I can't even see straight any more.
Red Mage: Now imagine what'll happen when physics tries to figure it out!

The munchkin and "Smart Guy" of the group. He believes the world works by various game rules (especially RPG's). Whether he is right or not depends largely on whether or not it would be funny.

  • Ambidextrous Sprite: The feather on his hat(s).
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: He has to explain to a disturbed Black Mage that when he's talking about chocobo sex, he's not talking about sex with chocobos, that when he's talking about breeding the chocobos, he's not talking about breeding with the chocobos, and that when he's taking the matter of breeding into his own hands, he's not literally grabbing the chocobos by their genitals. He did watch them breeding for hours for no other reasons that he felt like it.
  • Character Alignment: Parodied, as he claims to be "Lawful Amazing."
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Due to his tenuous grasp of reality.
  • Complexity Addiction: His plans always have to be multilayered, while his companions prefer the immediate (and usually violent) solution.
  • Crazy Enough to Work: Sometimes his plans are so completely insane they actually work. Most of them, however, are just crazy enough to fail hilariously.
  • Crossdresser: He really likes to wear dresses. Even has a drag name, Deborah.
  • Desperately Craves Affection: Due to fake daddy issues, he even fakes mechanic babble solely for an attempt at male bonding.
  • Does Not Understand Sarcasm: "We're going to have a code. When I stab you in the ear, that means I'm being sarcastic. Got it?"
  • Dumbass Has a Point: As pointed out here, despite his complete lack of common sense, a good number of his plans do end up working
  • Dump Stat: In universe, he considers Charisma to be this. He has a nightmare where all his stats are low, except for Charisma, which is boosted to a whopping thirteen.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: The comic where Black Mage explains his Hadoken spell works by draining love out of the universe and converting it into destructive energy is part of a trinity where Red Mage writes up "real" versions of signature powers of the Light Warriors for use in Dungeons & Dragons (it's the third, after Fighter's Zodiackenshido and his own Ice-9). The last panel is the Hadoken's "statblock" incomplete and scribbled over, with a note from Red Mage that some things are too horrible to contemplate in the spot left blank.
  • Evilutionary Biologist: When it comes to Chocobo breeding.
    Red Mage: All it required was a cocktail of dangerous experimental surgery and a willingness to ignore the unnecessary suffering of perfectly innocent beings. Also, I shot magic into their chromosomes until they turned inside out. Evolution is my bitch.
  • Fake Memories: "Plus, Red Mage? You can NOT tell him this, but he's not actually a cross dresser and he has no daddy issues. I've just been messin' with his head."
  • A God Am I: Learned almost "every move in the game" from the Datasphere and planned to dethrone the gods and start the world over after the adventure.
  • Hero with an F in Good: Many times he only thinks about himself (to the point his ordeal is about hubris), and the tendency to do cruel stuff (Chocobo breeding, taking over a city) doesn't help either.
  • An Ice Person: Although he spent a large time trying to keep his spell use "neutral," he eventually started specializing in ice spells, including one that could destroy an entire universe.
  • Insane Troll Logic: Each an every one of his plans operates on this. His explanation is that a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot fail due to flaws in its own logic, and is therefore cannot be stopped.
  • Iron Buttmonkey: Like the rest, one time he got swallowed by a dragon and stayed on fire since he could hug people to death despite the excruciating pain.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: A classic example: between his overwrought vocabulary and unshakable self-confidence, it's sometimes easy to forget that Red Mage is really talking out of his ass most of the time.
  • Lack of Empathy: He doesn't enjoy murdering like Black Mage but he doesn't care about anyone. His Ice 9 spell explicitly states that a total lack of regard to human life is required to learn it (because it's causing the heat death of the Universe). And his chocobo's experiment sickens even Black Mage.
  • Last of His Kind: The rest of the Red Mages stupided themselves into extinction. Of course, given the existence of Barry in the True Light Warriors, Red Mage's status as a Min Maxer, his obvious delusions, and the fact that in the next comic, he mentions "Lies disguised as secrets also equals depth", how much of what he says is true is left up for debate.
  • Last Stand: despite being extremely uncharacteristic, Red Mage decides to save the world (and White Mage) from Black Mage's evil here, going into a fight with no advantages, his entire team dead, and no real plan, fighting against the sum total of all the evil in the universe.
  • A Lighter Shade of Black: Substantially less evil than Black Mage and Thief, on the grounds of being thoroughly amoral rather than outright evil.
  • Mad Scientist: with D&D magic and Looney Tunes physics standing in for science and reason.
  • Min-Maxing: His obsession.
  • Munchkin: He forgets to write his damage down, use animal husbandry to get off an island and does everything for experience points.
  • Mystical White Hair: A white-haired wizard. And in some regards, also fits White Hair, Black Heart.
  • Nice Hat: Apparently his hat is so nice it boosts his stats.
  • New Powers as the Plot Demands: Played for Laughs. Red Mage can gain any skill he wants, or needs, simply by writing said skill in his character sheet. By his character change, he learns to mimic skills but uses them far longer than the duration of his Mime skill note 
  • Only Sane Man: Doesn't hold this role as often as often as Black Mage or Thief, but he finds himself in this role from time to time, such as being frustrated with Black Mage and Thief's inability to go through a single Dwarfen town without destroying it, frequently preventing them from getting information they needed.
  • Pet the Dog: Uses his healing powers to revive an impaled White Mage during the final battle, with no obvious utilitarian purpose for doing so.
  • That Came Out Wrong: To legendary level and totally oblivious to it. The group ended up passing as a rapist gang and he stopped Sarda's spellcasting by saying his balls shrunk.
  • The Red Mage: And a Master of None.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: Seems to genuinely believe that he's a 'fractactical genius', and loves to brag about it.
  • The Smart Guy: Well, he thinks he is, anyway.
  • Strange Minds Think Alike: Has several with Garland and a few others.
  • The Strategist: Although most of his plans are somewhat hindered by such minor things as: The Laws Of Physics, Common Sense, Black Mage, Basic Logic, their own brain-breaking insanity, the incompetence of his cohorts, his own incompetence, Black Mage, a lack of proper equipment, a lack of regard for any kind of rationality, Fighter's stupidity, his own stupidity, being needlessly overcomplicated to the point of madness, Black Mage, his tenous grasp on reality, King Steve...that being said, he still pulls off a good one every now and then.
  • That Came Out Wrong: He does this so frequently it seems like it might actually be on purpose.
  • Why Couldn't You Be Different?: He claims that his father hated him because he wanted to have a daughter rather than son. This resulted in Red Mage's cross-dressing tendencies. (But see Fake Memories above.)
  • Wrong Genre Savvy:

    Prince Thief Khee'bler 

Black Mage: [seeing Thief with an enormous bag of loot] Didn't the pirates take everything already?
Thief: They left everything that was nailed down. I did not.

The Miser Advisor of the Light Warriors, who constantly scams the rest of the team out of any rewards they might have earned. He also became The Leader due to similar wrangling.

Warriors of Darkness

    Group as a Whole 

Garland: We have failed to enact any significant revenge against the hated Light Warriors.
Vilbert: Point of order: Nuh-uh!
Bikke: Yar. Ye slam o' poetry be as significant as a pee in the ocean.
Drizz'l: It's what we're all thinking.

The theoretical antagonists of the comic, they are even less competent than the Light Warriors, and significantly less evil. They spend most of their time involved in "evil" bake sales.

  • Dark Is Not Evil: Garland's plan of strong but caring iron grip seems better than anything the Light Warriors have in mind.
  • Fake Ultimate Hero: In the penultimate strip White Mage makes everyone believe that the Dark Warriors were the ones who defeated Chaos and saved the world.
  • Forgot I Couldn't Swim: Naturally, their first Evil Plan as a full team involved the ocean.
  • Goldfish Poop Gang: Even if they weren't complete morons they are leagues under the Light Warrior in terms of strength and villainy.
  • Harmless Villain: Too dumb, too weak, too nice or being Vilbert stops them from doing any harm.
  • Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Even Sarda feels sad for them.


Garland: You will pay for your insolence, princess. For when I summon the dark lord Chaos to do my bidding, my very first uh... bid will be to hurrrrrt you. Hurrrrt you!
Princess Sara: What're you gonna have him do? Poke me in the ribs?
Garland: Oh heavens no. I'm nefarious, not cruel.

The first Big Bad of the theory. In practice, he's such a Harmless Villain that the princess he kidnapped takes over his operation in order to inject some competence. Becomes the leader of the Dark Warriors when the group is formed.


"I have got to find new, non-sucky, friends."

The prince of the dark elves, he eventually becomes the Only Sane Man of the Dark Warriors.

  • The Beastmaster: Tends to rely on monsters (the giant spiders, camel spider, platypus, random encounters in the Temple, and the Fiends). Likely a Ranger/Fighter, being a Drizzt ripoff.
  • Canon Foreigner: He isn't based on any preexisting character from the original game.
  • Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Becomes prevalent in his interactions with Thief and the other Dark Warriors towards the end. Needless to say, his elven royalty shows.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: He's a Master Swordsman with his pair of scimitars. Without them, he's utterly useless in a fight.
  • Death of a Thousand Cuts: Almost on the receiving end of this. Turns out that summoning the "true guardians" of something takes longer than a fatal mob stabbing.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Really passive aggressive.
  • Dual Wielding: When Fighter gets the swords, he names them Stabby and Slashy (although Fighter named the second one Stabby again before he changed it)
  • Early Installment Weirdness: In his first appearance he was stupid enough to be outsmarted by Fighter. In later appearances he's the Dark Warrior's Only Sane Man. This might be related to the fact that Fighter is a walking Brown Note to all things even remotely intelligent, though.


"Be this 600 or pineapple?"

A fearsome pirate of the seven seas who knows nothing about piracy or seas—or anything else, for that matter.

  • Ambidextrous Sprite: Though it's entirely probable that he has two perfectly healthy eyes and intentionally moves his eyepatch when he turns.
  • Bad Boss: Killed his crew by feeding them Cheetos when they were suffering scurvy rather than oranges. Not out of stupidity, but so he wouldn't have to share the booty.
  • The Big Guy: Often by choice as he likes to do physical stuff.
  • The Ditz: Easily tops both Fighter and King Steve in this regard.
  • Hook Hand: After believing himself to have one, Vilbert eventually gives him a prop one.
  • Never Learned to Read: Or write.
  • Pirate: Complete with Talk Like a Pirate. Interestingly, he's also unable to swim. He loses his ship and crew in his first arc, but joins the Dark Warriors anyway.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: Garland apparently carries a baby tote for him.
  • Talk Like a Pirate: The only way he ever speaks.
  • You Will Be Spared: He is told this by Sarda when Bikke "properly" uses the Water Orb. note 

    Vilbert von Vampire 

"My dark soul burns with fiery agreement. Or possibly tacos."

A LARP-er roleplaying as a vampire...who is also a vampire for real. Also Lich's son.

The Other Warriors

    Group as a Whole 

Red Mage: But the Other Warriors were on the same quest.
Thief: It's because they aren't smart! You were able to fool them. You.

Another group of warriors out to save the world, they have a mildly antagonistic relationship with the Light Warriors.


A forest guide and Chick Magnet who may or may not have a habit of leading hapless travelers to their deaths.

  • Chick Magnet: White Mage swoons at the mere sight of him.
  • Department of Redundancy Department: His full name is Generic Dual-Class Half-Elven Ranger. His other class is also Ranger.
  • Dual Wielding: Taken Up to Eleven. Unfortunately, he chose to take it Up to Eleven against Sarda, which still left him about Eleventy Zillion short.
  • Heinz Hybrid: He's apparently 50% elf, 25% human and 12.5% orc. The remaining 12.5% is unknown, but presumably also human. Bizarrely, in his introduction, he claims to be half-elven and half-human. Later he says he's a half-elven ranger who is a quarter Lefeinish (human) and a quarter half-orc. This puts him anywhere from 112.5% to 125%, depending on what the other half of the half-orc is.

    Berserker Axinhed 

"Just because I fly into a blind, homocidal rage at the tip of a helm doesn't mean I'm incapable of appreciating the finer things in life."

A dapper and polite gentlemanly dwarf who also flies into frothing rage in combat.

  • The Berserker: But only when he loses his monocle.
  • Berserk Button: Taking off his monocle, but since it works when he takes it off himself, his berserk button can be whatever he wants it to be.


"Well look at that, another beautiful miracle. If it weren't for my atheism, I'd be impressed by it."

The atheist cleric of the Other Warriors, who gets spells from all the gods at once, since they know he doesn't play favorites.


"I know a guy."

A less competent version of Thief.

The Fiends

    Group as a Whole 

The guardians of the Orbs of Light, and the primary antagonists of the comic.


"Death is the natural state of all being. Life is the aberration. It is fleeting, and full of pain. Come, embrace the eternity in nothing!"

A several hundred thousand year old archmage who achieved immortality in undeath and guards the Earth Orb. Also Vilbert's father.

  • Badass Boast: Loves to do this even more than the other villains. Unfortunately for his ego, the Warriors of Light don't take him seriously.
    Lich: You mock the Lich King?! All that is living turns to ash in the presence of the Lich. I am the beauty of decay, the perfection of death. All that is born lives only to die. And in death shall you serve a new master. Lich! So face me, oh warriors, and know the horror of perfection!
    Black Mage: Yes, yes, the Lord of The Dead shall surely inherit the greatest kingdom given enough time. Now hush, the adults are talking.
  • Charm Person: Uses "creepy undead mind control" to prevent his wives from cheating on him. Try not to focus too much on the creepy...
  • Dem Bones: Being a lich.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Seems to genuinely care about his son, even if he considers him to be a bit of a failure.
  • Physical God: Becomes the ruler of Hell after Hell King Black Mage kills him.
  • Straw Nihilist: He is the embodiment of death, he doesn't have the best outlook about the meaning of life.
  • Soul Jar: Used the Earth Orb for this purpose.


"Look, I haven't killed anything in about three minutes, so my patience is nil at this point."

The Elemental Embodiment of Fire, guardian of the Orb of Fire, and one of the most kill-happy creatures on the planet.

  • Stupid Evil + Bad Boss: Slaughters her own minions for little or no reason just to prove she's evil and because she likes killing things.
  • Worthy Opponent: Calls Fighter one, anyway.


"Anyway, you guys ordered an apocalypse if I'm right."

An Eldritch Abomination beyond space and time, who acts as a freelance agent of apocalypse. Also the guardian of the Water Orb.


Dragoon: Muffin is a dragon. It all makes sense now. Like, when I'd say 'Polly want a cracker?" she'd say "No, Muffin want to rip a knight in half and suck out the pulp.
Thief: That kind of thing happen often?
Dragoon: Around here it does.

Supposedly the last dragon, and one of near godlike power. She played the part of Dragoon's pet parakeet, both to avoid suspicion and because she thought it was funny. Also acts as the guardian of the Air Orb.

  • Achilles' Heel: A spear through her brain.
  • Batman Gambit: How she deals with each of the Light Warriors.
  • Canon Foreigner / Composite Character: A Tiamat filler with a completely different personality and the sprite of Dark Dragon Idoun/Idenn.
  • Evil Plan: Forming the Dragoons to kill off all the other dragons to take their treasure and having the Dragoons killed off, too.
  • Faux Affably Evil: She likes to talk with her enemies and even convinced Fighter to not kill her because she would rather not want to die.She is still a sadistic monster.
  • Fluffy the Terrible: Though Dragoon suspects it wasn't her real name.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Creating an order of knights designed solely to slay dragons really comes back to bite her.
  • Last of His Kind: Almost. Red Mage points out that they've met dragons other than her, and she grudgingly acknowledges that she didn't quite manage to kill all of the others.
  • Superior Species: Sure thinks she is. Manages to out-do even elves in terms of racial arrogance.
  • Visionary Villain: Unlike the other Fiends, she had an agenda of ruling the world as the only meaningful dragon by having Dragoon slaughtering the others.
  • We Can Rule Together: Briefly allies with Black Mage before tricking him into getting off of her while flying in the middle of the sky.


    Dr. Swordopolis 

Swordopolis: You are the Enlightened Warrior, but you're also very, very stupid.
Fighter: I don't follow.
Swordopolis: Yeah, see, that's rather the problem, actually.

The Avatar who works with Fighter, much to his frustration. Manifests as Dymlos's sprite from Tales of Destiny with glasses slapped on top.
  • Arch-Enemy: Appears to be opposed in some way to Darko.
    Darko: Let Swordopolis and his fool try to stop you now!
  • Ass Shove: This is how he possesses people. He would really prefer an alternative.
  • Everyone Has Standards: While he wants Black Mage dead, he's not willing to do so at the cost of everyone's lives, which is why he stops Fighter from murdering everyone.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: He mostly interacts with Fighter, which may explain it.
  • Talking Weapon: Or at least manifests as one.


Red Mage: Wish I had a patron deity.
Megahedron: But Red Mage, what about me?
Red Mage: Oh Megahedron, we both know you're nothing more than a manifestation of my three point Hallucination flaw, and therefore not real.

The Avatar who works with Red Mage, much to his frustration. Manifests as a D20 with sunglasses.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Only Red Mage ever really interacts with him, and none of the others even mention him, meaning it's hard to tell whether he's a legitimate Avatar in the same way as Swordopolis, or if he really is a result of Red Mage's madness.
  • Only Sane Man: To be fair, he avatars for Red Mage.
    Megahedron: Will you stop looking into the ancient insanity box already!
  • Non-Indicative Name: He is in fact a dodecahedron. An actual megahedron would have a million faces and closely resemble a sphere, meaning in the 8-bit universe it'd probably appear as a cube.
  • Vagueness Is Coming: He cops to it, at least.
    Megahedron: Great, this brick wall of words again. Look, can I just deliver my vague portents and leave?

    "Darko, Dark God of the Dark" 
The Avatar who works with Black Mage, much to the frustration of both of them. Manifests as Magus's sprite from Chrono Trigger.
  • Arch-Enemy: Is working against Swordopolis.
  • Brown Note: Supposedly, his true name makes your brain eat itself.
  • Celestial Bureaucracy: Or rather Infernal Bureaucracy. He's Evil's middle management. Unrelatedly, all of Evil is middle management.
  • Demon Lords and Archdevils: His formal title is "Avatar of Evil and Executive Assistant to Chaos".
  • God of Evil: Black Mage refers to him as such.
  • No Name Given: His admittedly lame title is the first thing Black Mage thought of.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: Whenever he and Black Mage talk in the later strips, his preferred topic of conversation is why BM hasn't gotten around to ending all things lately.


"I invented chicanery. You don't want to play this game with me, elf. It will be the end of you."

A trickster god who becomes, for all intents and purposes, Thief's Avatar.


    White Mage 

"Stupid white mage's oath."

The begrudging ally of the Light Warriors, dedicated to pushing them onto the path of destiny whether they like it or not.

  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: But, fortunately, she got better.
  • Informed Attractiveness: Thanks to it being a sprite comic, of course, although there was an attempt to show it when she was first introduced.
    • We see her in the epilogue. She's quite cute. And stacked. It takes the last strip to show what Black Mage was talking about. Easily seen when White Mage is walking with Thief.
  • Logic Bomb: Convinced Chaos that a universe without Order would lead to a vast nothingness of randomized particles... which would be totally non-chaotic... and therefore boring. Then zapped him with enough White Magic to kill a vile dark god of chaotic energy. Which is what he was. So that worked out.
  • Morality Pet: Subverted. Black Mage's crush on her appears humanizing at first, but is eventually shown to be really, really creepy. Her presence also isn't enough to prevent him from being evil; at most, he tries to be evil without her noticing. That said, the times when he's in White Mage's presence are about as restrained as Black Mage's evil ever gets.
  • Only Sane Man: Usually. Unless she ends up talking to Sarda who she believes to be a nice guy or persists on making the Light Warriors heroes of the prophecy.
  • Out of Focus: Originally a Sixth Ranger of sorts, but started showing up less and less as the comic went on.
  • Red Is Heroic: She's got red hair and is by far the most heroic character in the story (not that that's hard, but...)
  • Those Two Guys: With Black Belt. At first.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Italian.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Black Mage gives her one when she is ok with Black Belt beating Garland (seemingly) to death, she is actually impressed Black Mage feels compassion only for him to negate the whole outrage by voicing he is angry that he can't kill with impunity.
  • White Mage: Duh.


"I, gentlemen, am Sarda, and that makes me the wizard who did it!"

The most powerful mage in existence, he is older than the universe itself. In theory, he's supposed to guide the Light Warriors to their destiny. In practice, he just uses his omnipotence to screw with them.

  • Reality Warper: His command of magic is so powerful, that after so many years of study, he became this,
  • Seen It All: And probably still seeing it since his perception of time is weird, however Fighter and Bikke can pull fast ones on him with their stupidity.
  • Set Right What Once Went Wrong: Traveled to the beginning of the universe in order to prevent the Light Warriors from coming into being. It didn't work.
  • Stable Time Loop: As a direct result of the Light Warrior's actions, mirroring the original game's similar time loop. He's the grown-up Onion Kid, gone back to the dawn of time to try to re-write the universe in his image, only to end up beaten to the punch by White Mage by a few seconds. Then forced to take The Slow Path back.
  • Time Abyss: Technically older than the universe.

    Black Belt 

Black Belt: You try walking a straight line without bumping into wave functions of neighboring realities.
Black Mage: We do it all the time. It's called NOT BEING SO STUPID THAT IT WARPS THE UNIVERSE!

White Mage's companion, and stupider even than fighter.


"All those poor, poor fools not living in towers or being able to leap into the stratosphere. It's like they wanted to drown."

The last of the dragoons, an order dedicated to slaying dragons. Also lives with Muffin, the last dragon, who he believes is a parakeet.

  • Nice Guy: He is unfailingly polite even to Black Mage.
  • Put on a Bus: But comes Back for the Finale and, unlike the countless cameos within said finale, he's actually the sixth most prominent character in it.
  • Running Gag: Invariably lands on Black Mage when jumping.
  • Unwitting Pawn: Muffin used him to slay every big dragons.
  • What an Idiot: In-universe, the other characters call him out on the stupidity of believing that Muffin was a parrot all his life.

    King Steve 

King Steve: Did I ever tell you about the time I built this castle all by hand?
Princess Sara: It's 400 years old, dad.
King Steve: Yes, yes. I designed it that way, you know.

The very, very, very stupid king of Corneria.

  • Worthy Opponent: Thief considers him to be the world's foremost criminal mind.

    Princess Sara 

The far more competent daughter of King Steve, her kidnapping by Garland starts off the plot.

  • Demoted to Extra: A big part of the Dark Warrior and King Steve sub-plots earlier on, but Drizz'l and Left-Hand Man Gary essentially take her place.


"I am the yawning chasm from before the before; the darkness after the end of all things. I am nothing and no thing is eternal."

The Big Bad of the series, an omnicidal God of Evil dedicated to nothing but chaos and destruction...and actually a rather pleasant guy, all around.

  • For the Evulz: Seems to genuinely love living up to his name with random acts of screwing people over.
    Chaos: Yes, you may do this thing.
    Red Mage: Score.
    Chaos: And take as long as you like. As long as it takes no more than 24 of your Earth hours.
    Red Mage: But you said-
    Chaos: I'm Chaos!
  • Generic Doomsday Villain: Invoked trope. He wants to destroy all of existence out of a misguided belief that it would be chaotic. Unfortunately, White Mage explains to him that such a thing would create perfect order.
  • Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: While he did get mentioned about once a year, he still comes from nowhere (literally).
  • A God Am I: Obviously, what with him being the elder god of destruction. When challenged about his desire to destroy the universe with cake, his response is, 'it's a little beyond your ability to influence.'


A powerful, blind witch who sends the Light Warriors on a quest for a rat tail. Dating the god of dragons.

  • Baleful Polymorph: Turns people who annoy her into frogs.
  • Crystal Ball: She's introduced to the story because she lost it. So she did the logical thing: waited in a monster-haunted cave in some very remote location to entrust its recovery to the first group of people too stupid to avoid a monster-haunted cave in some very remote location.
  • Hot Skitty-on-Wailord Action: She's dating Bahamut, god-king of dragons. The anatomical challenges are not explained. Though she tries. In detail.
  • Interspecies Romance: As noted above, she's dating Bahamut, a dragon.

    The Cultists 

Thief: You're not going to have to incest at us first, are you?
Cultist 1: No, we don't do that!
Cultist 2: Any more!
Mrr'grt: As much!

A cult of Cthulhumanoids trying to summon an elder god to destroy the world.


The chancellor of the elf kingdom, who looks after Elfland while the king is indisposed and the prince is away.



A robot survivor of an extinct civilization.

  • Bus Crash: Kills himself off-screen.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Spent long, lonely years trying to develop a version of tennis that could be played by one person. One robot person. Who has no arms.



A merchant who continuously sells the Light Warriors a variety of useless and broken objects he claims will help them in their quest.


A turbaned merchant who openly sells dangerously shoddy products and services.

    The Sulk 

One of Vilbert's friends.

    The Real Light Warriors 

The people actually destined to save the world from Chaos, they got to the recruiting station a bit too late.

  • Butt-Monkey: Whenever we see these guys, they're usually getting screwed over.
  • The Chew Toy: When you consider how they were supposed to be the heroes, their suffering is very disheartening.
  • Cosmic Plaything: Even when the Light Warriors aren't screwing them, things rarely work out for these guys.
  • Evil Counterpart: Inverted; since the Light Warriors are the very definition of Villain Protagonists, they are very heroic. To drive the point home, while the RLWs use character sprites of Fighter, Thief, and Red Mage's upgraded classes from the first Final Fantasy game (Knight, Ninja, Red Wizard, respectively) Black Mage's is a White Wizard.
  • Heroic Build: Their sprites give off this appearance, befitting to their heroic nature.
  • Missed the Call: They were supposed to be the ones to become chosen by fate, but because they were out level grinding, the main characters got the job.
  • No Name Given: The only member of the group whose name was revealed is the Red Wizard named Barry.
  • No Respect Guy: All of them really, considering they were the real heroes destined to save the world. Barry the Red Wizard gets the worst of it seeing how he's always blamed for whatever goes wrong.
  • Think Nothing of It: When they do pull off some heroics, they are very humble about it.