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Quotes / Murder Is the Best Solution

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    Anime and Manga 

Obstacles are for killing.
Shampoo, Ranma ½

    Fan Works 

    Film - Live-Action 

The Cat: There is a third option!
Sally: There is?
The Cat: Yes. It involves... MURDER!

It's simple: We kill the Batman.
The Joker's proposition to the mob, The Dark Knight

For most of the guys, killings became accepted. Murder was the only way that everybody stayed in line. You got out of line, you got whacked; everybody knew the rules. But sometimes, even if people didn't get out of line, they got whacked. I mean, hits just became a habit for some of the guys: Guys get into arguments over nothing and before you knew it one of them was dead.
Henry Hill, Goodfellas


Death solves all problems — no man, no problem.
Joseph Stalin, Children of the Arbat

What's the point of defeating something and not killing them?
Seth, Tales of MU

    Live-Action TV 

Willow: We'll find [Warren] another way.
Buffy: And then what?
Willow: And then we'll kill him.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Villains"

    Stand-Up Comedy 

They always seem to say "violence is never the best option," to which I am hastily reminded of World War II.
Richard Jeni, "A Big Stinking Pile of Me"

    Video Games 

Batman: I thought I made it clear: heroes don't resort to murder to solve their problems.
Vigilante-Joker: Aw, but it's so effective!

Crazy Mage 1: We cannot trust anyone.
Crazy Mage 2: Especially each other.
Crazy Mage 3: Oh, the solution is so simple. We KILL. KILL everyone.
Crazy Mage 1: How delightful.
(everyone attacks each other)

Kill one person, and you can solve so many problems. I wonder at the possibilities.
Runa Fair-Shield (age ten), The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Boone: We're coming up on Nelson. I'm gonna kill every Legion in there. I hope that's not a problem.
The Courier: No, that's not a problem. That's a solution.
Boone: Goddamn right it is. You and me, we're just a couple of problem-solvers.

I am so lost right now. What is he even talking about? Never mind. Let's just kill the bandits. I'm sure it'll sort itself out.

"Is there no end to these annoying insects? I will burn your resistance to ashes and you along with it!"
Infinite, Sonic Forces


    Web Animation 

Adam Taurus: Your master was concerned about Sienna's willingness to cooperate. Now she doesn't have to be.
Hazel Rainhart: Nobody needed to die today.
Adam: I... disagree.


Red Mage: I assume we know what is to be done now.
Thief: Slit their throats, take their wallets, and tell Sarda we did the Air Orb thing.
Black Mage: Slit their bellies, urinate into the wounds, maybe rub in some dirt, and let septic shock set in.
Red Mage: Or we could ask them how to do the quest. Just a thought.
Black Mage: I don't follow.
Red Mage: Doing something that isn't psychotic, it's crazy, I know. I'm throwin' it out there.

Black Mage: When am I going to learn? If you want something slaughtered, you've got to slice open its belly yourself.
Muffin: You don't want to kill me.
Black Mage: Not specifically, no. But I enjoy killing in the academic sense. Also in the murder sense.

Benny: Would you help me explain how much easier and quicker killing is?
Richard: I'm still trying to figure out what "conscience" means.

MOST people don't kill, Haley! That's why there are laws against murder. It's only adventurers who think, "Hmm, how can I solve this problem? Oh, right, bloodshed!"

As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of resolving approaches zero... And that would be wrong.
Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick

Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime!
Belkar Bitterleaf, The Order of the Stick

Gabe: I have an idea.
Tycho: We're not going to murder anyone.
Gabe: I don't have any ideas.

Gav: Maybe you're thinking this would be easier if you were allowed to shoot everybody who isn't one of your own?
Elf: Oh, that's always easier. Are you putting that option on the table?

    Web Original 

I'm sure it will all become clear once we've killed the right person.
Dupre, Nakar's Let's Play of Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle

Follow the money. Who profits from extreme weather? The elite cabal of The Weather Channel, of course. By manipulating the climate for better ratings, the CEO stands to make literally thousands hundreds tens of dollars. This conspiracy may or may not be entirely serious and may be ranked among the likes of the conspiracy that Princess Diana was murdered by florists who wanted to boost sales.

As the saying goes: "If your only tool is a hammer, then all your problems start to look like people that need to be beaten with a hammer."

Is a rookie cop getting close to uncovering your secret cabal that has spent years gradually subverting the government? Do you: a) approach him, and try to induct him into your ranks by carefully spoonfeeding him the ideals of your organisation; b) bribe him, by covering the medical expenses of his sickly son, thereby buying not only his silence but his loyalty; c) let him catch a know-nothing incompetent lacky, purging your ranks of a fool while sating the rookie's sense of justice; d) distract him with a different case, then falsify information saying the previous case was solved; e) use your extensive connections to cheaply transfer him somewhere else, or just fire him from the police force?

The proper answer is: f) murder his wife and child, before torturing the rookie, and then leave him to die, but never actually check the body to make sure he's dead. Murder should always be used as a first resort, no matter how messy or expensive it is. Minions outlived their usefulness? Murder. Bystanders witnessed the murdering of your minion? Murder. Bystanders witnessed the murdering of the other bystanders who witnessed the murdering of your minion? Murder! Right-hand man point out that maybe we should ease up on the whole murder thing, because it's starting to draw attention to the ancient conspiracy? Murder.
—- Terrible Writing Advice, Intrigue Plots

    Western Animation 

Stan: That's how you try to throw Francine off the trail [of you killing Melinda]?! By killing her?! You know, maybe she should go to the police! At least then, she'd be safe!
Bullock: Fine, Stan. But if you don't want her to say "I told you so," there's only one option.
Stan: There's gotta be another way.
Bullock: There is none. She can either be dead... or she can be right.
American Dad!, "Four Little Words"

Look, I can name at least two or three instances in my life where I tried to work out some shit by trying to find some mutual understanding, and I can tell you, it's always faster and easier to just kill'em.
Gin Rummy, The Boondocks

Joe: Quagmire, you're talking about murdering a guy! It doesn't matter what he's done, it's still murder!
Quagmire: No, Joe, it does matter what he's done! T-These kinds of guys don't change! Y-You think they ever suddenly wake up, and realize the error of their ways, and clean up their act? NO! They just keep ruining everyone's lives, and the world is better off without 'em!
Family Guy, "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q."

    Real Life 

I'm going to go for violence, 'cause I know that works.
Peggy Schroeck, during her first ever role-playing game session, 1988



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