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Literature / The Lightning Struck Heart

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It makes you laugh then hits you where it hurts, much like how I imagine being mugged by a clown would feel.

''Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is now 'Queen of the Fuck Palace'!"

Once upon a time, in an alleyway in the slums of the City of Lockes, a young and somewhat lonely boy named Sam Haversford turns a group of teenage douchebags into stone completely by accident.

Of course, this catches the attention of a higher power, and Sam's pulled from the only world he knows to become an apprentice to the King's Wizard, Morgan of Shadows.

When Sam is fourteen, he enters the Dark Woods and returns with Gary, the hornless gay unicorn, and a half-giant named Tiggy, earning the moniker Sam of Wilds.

At fifteen, Sam learns what love truly is when a new knight arrives at the castle. Sir Ryan Foxheart, the dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.

Naturally, it all goes to hell over the years when Ryan dates the reprehensible Prince Justin, Sam can't control his magic, a sexually aggressive dragon kidnaps the prince, and the King sends them on an epic quest to save Ryan's boyfriend, all while Sam falls more in love with someone he can never have.


Or so he thinks.

Written by TJ Klune. Can be purchased on Dreamspinner or Amazon.

The Lightning-Struck Heart Includes examples of:

  • Abduction Is Love: Dmitri was under this assumption. He was mistaken.
  • Accidental Pervert: Sam inadvertantly gives Todd (y'know, with the ears?) a handjob in public. In front of his crush. And some villains.
  • The Apprentice
  • Archmage: Randall and Morgan. Sam is in training for this.
  • All Gays Are Promiscuous
  • Alpha Bitch: TINA.
  • Arranged Marriage: Ryan is legitimately surprised by the announcement he's marrying Justin. Well, kinda, as he's basically dating Justin to improve his family's station. Both of them know this. It's almost a foregone conclusion to cement Ryan's social standing; thankfully, this is avoided.
  • Arrogant Kung-Fu Guy: The majority of the Darks, especially Lartin the Dark Leaf.
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  • Asexuallity: Morgan of shadows.
  • Asshole Victim: Justin.
  • Ax-Crazy: Eloise, leader of the dragon cult, who keeps her village suspiciously free of children ( for a group that's ok with human sacrifice, this is telling ), gives out power-nullifying truth serum to strangers, and keeps the entire village doped up and compliant to her man-eating dragon worship.
  • Bad Boss: Eloise, ruler of the village home to the almighty Truth Corn.
  • Badass Grandpa: Randall.
  • Badass Normal: Sure, Justin's an enormous jerk, but he knows his way around a sword. Ryan's just a normal dude, but he goes toe-to-toe with Kevin and comes out with no injuries.
  • Baddie Flattery: Gary, several times.
  • The Bard: Composer of 'Cheesy Dicks and Candlesticks', the true anthem of our age.
  • Bastard Boyfriend: Justin.
  • Befriending the Enemy: Gary and Kevin. Hinted at in the epilogue with Sam and Justin.
  • Beta Couple: Gary and Kevin.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Tiggy at the beginning, as well as Gary, Tiggy, and Ryan going after Kevin to rescue Sam and Justin.
  • Blue Blood: Tina, president of the Ryan Foxheart fan club. She's even of high enough station to go to the royal wedding.
  • Bodyguard Crush: Sam's feelings for Ryan. Ryan's feelings for Sam. Until the truth-corn, both are oblivious of the other's affection.
  • Break His Heart to Save Him: Sam doesn't want to ruin Ryan's relationship with Justin by making him his cornerstone, and pushes him away after they arrive back in the city to spare him. It doesn't stick.
  • Bound and Gagged: Sam, at multiple points, notably in the beginning with Lartin the Dark Leaf, and after he consumes the almighty Truth Corn.
  • Brick Joke: Randall and his dick nose.
  • Bride and Switch: the climactic Rustin wedding is not completed due to an objection.
  • Bullet Catch: Sam employs a variant of this, catching a fireball that a Dark throws at him during the awkward date with Todd (with the ears).
  • Cast Full of Gay
  • Caught in a Snare: Dmitri captures the heroes after being left at the altar by Sam. While most are trapped in fairy rings, Ryan is strung up by an amorous moving tree.
  • Celibate Hero: Sam. He's saving himself for the right guy. When he gets angry and tries to bang Moishe, he cannot go through with it because of his love for Ryan.
  • Clark Kenting: 'Mervin' eventually reveals his identity to Tina, just to piss her off.
  • The Consigliere: Basically the role of the King's Wizard, in addition to helping out with magical issues.
  • Convenient Slow Dance: Between Sam and Ryan, after he's crowned Knight Commander. Sam and Todd (with the ears) also enjoy a few during the ball.
  • Cult: To a dragon, no less! Kevin was very flattered, until the cult leader annoyed him.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Sam, Ryan, Gary, and Tiggy.
  • Dark Is Evil: Taken quite literally, as the only villains not redeemed are the group of wizards known as the 'Darks'.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Kevin.
  • Did I Just Say That Out Loud?: Once the almighty Truth Corn takes effect.
  • Did They or Didn't They?: Sam and Moishe. They didn't.
  • Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu?: Ryan is very intimidated by Mama, and makes no secret of it.
  • Disappointed by the Motive: Really, Justin? Daddy issues? Really? That's why you don't release Ryan from his oath ?
  • Distracted by the Sexy: Sam. Several times. Ryan as well. He finds Sam doing magic... stimulating.
  • Distressed Dude: Justin.
  • Dork Knight: Ryan is slowly revealed to be this.
  • Drag Queen: And a madam!
  • Dreadful Musician: Or at least, some very iffy lyricism.
  • Everyone Is Gay: Except, apparently, Morgan, Sam's parents, the king, and the majority of the Ryan Foxheart Fanclub.
  • Failed Dramatic Exit: Sam and the gang cannot leave for a journey without Gary ruining the moment. Several times.
  • The Fair Folk: Dmitri and his people.
  • Family Honor: Ultimately Ryan/Nox's reason for making the deal to get out of the slums.
  • Family of Choice: Sam has Tiggy, Gary, Morgan, his parents, and the lovely Mama as family.
  • Fed to the Beast: Attempted with Sam, realized with the ruler of the village home to the almighty Truth Corn. Kevin is all too happy to carry this out.
  • Gay Guy Seeks Popular Jock
  • Genre Savvy: The first thing that happens in Chapter 1 is the main characters interrupting and then ignoring a villain trying to monologue at them because they are so very over villainous monologues.
  • Gentle Giant: Tiggy, most of the time.
  • Good People Have Good Sex: Sam and Ryan at the end. Gary and Kevin too, much to Sam's despair.
  • Grand Romantic Gesture: The wedding declaration.
  • Happily Ever After: Of Course!
  • Have I Mentioned Im Sexually Active Today: Thank you Gary and Kevin.
  • Hermit Guru: It takes a month to get to Castle Freeze Your Ass Off, Randall's remote home. He is also the most powerful wizard in living memory.
  • Het Is Ew: Other than Sam's parents, the only other heterosexual couple mentioned are Gary's parents, who are on a swinger's tour.
  • Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Mama certainly counts, but they're a madam.
  • Hopeless Suitor: Sam, for the majority of the book.
  • How Do I Shot Web?: The first thing Sam does with his magic is accidentally turn bullies into stone. It takes a few tries to figure out how to turn them back.
  • Humiliation Conga: Randall and his dick nose.
  • I Can't Believe a Guy Like You Would Notice Me: Despite being apprentice to Morgan, the most famous wizard in the kingdom, Sam is still surprised when Ryan knows who he is.
  • I Gave My Word: see [1].
  • Interspecies Romance: Gary and Kevin, Justin and Kevin, Gary and Octavio the kinky centaur, Moishe and Sam, Sam and Dmitri (one-sided), Gary and Lartin the Dark (flirtation).
  • Iron Woobie: Ryan/Nox.
  • I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Why Sam does not actively pursue Ryan, believing he loves Justin.
  • Jerkass: Justin.
  • Just Friends: Sam and Todd (with the ears).
  • Knowledge Broker: Mama, in addition to being a drag queen and madam.
  • Leaving You to Find Myself: Sam's intention with visiting Randall. Once Justin gets abducted by Kevin, this gets put on hold.
  • Light Is Not Good: Justin, technically a good guy, is the closest thing to a villain in the novel.
  • Love at First Sight: For Sam. It's unclear whether this is the case for Ryan, as he met Sam when he was Nox.
  • Marry for Love: What Ryan eventually elects to do during his wedding to Justin, after heavy prompting by Randall.
  • Master of Disguise: Apparently Sam, even though his Mervin look is just an enormous fake beard.
  • The Mccoy: Sam, in spades. Sure, he could continue his relationship with Ryan and be either a side piece or ruin Ryan's oath, but that would not be an ok thing to do. He chooses the right way, even if it is the harder way, consistently. Also, he's got the humor aspect down pat.
  • Motive Rant: Attempted by most of the Darks (most noticeably, Lartin), but always cut off by Sam or Gary.
  • No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Dine: After being abducted by Kevin, Justin and Sam is treated as a house-guest rather than kidnapping victim.
  • Oblivious to Love: Ryan and Sam for about 80% of the novel. Eventually remedied by the almighty Truth Corn.
  • One-Scene Wonder: The almighty Truth Corn.
  • One True Love: Sam and Ryan.
  • Platonic Life-Partners: Gary, Sam, and Tiggy.
  • Power Nullifier: a side effect of the almighty Truth Corn.
  • The Power of Love: What makes Sam so powerful is using Ryan as his cornerstone.
  • Queer Romance: None of the main characters are straight.
  • Recruiting the Criminal: What eventually happens with Kevin.
  • Relationship Upgrade: At the climactic wedding!
  • Rich Bitch: Tina, head of the Ryan Foxheart Fanclub.
  • Roaring Rampage of Rescue: Tiggy, in the first chapter.
  • Romantic False Lead: Todd (with the ears) is set up as a romantic option for Sam early on, and then completely disappears after the awkward public inadvertent handjob.
  • Romantic Wingman: Gary attempts this with 'Cheesy Dicks and Candlesticks'.
  • Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Justin, on occasion.
  • Shipper on Deck: Gary, Tiggy, Morgan, Randall, "Mervin", and Ryan for Ryan/Sam, Tina and the fan club for Rustin.
  • Spell Book: As part of his wizard training, Sam is required to make one. So far, all he's got is the impractical firework corn.
  • Star-Crossed Lovers: Ryan and Sam.
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: Sam and Justin in the epilogue.
  • They Do
  • ¡Three Amigos!: Tiggy, Gary, and Sam.
  • True Love's Kiss: The wedding.
  • Truth Serums: the almighty Truth Corn.
  • Unstoppable Rage: You don't want to get Tiggy angry. Or Morgan, Sam, or Kevin.
  • Villain with Good Publicity: Arguably Justin.
  • Virgin Sacrifice: Attempted, when the members of the almighty Truth Corn village capture Sam and string him up as an offering to Kevin. The wizard thing is more important to them than the virgin thing, though.
  • Your Approval Fills Me with Shame: Randall to Sam, and vice versa.

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