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Literature / The Lightning Struck Heart

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''Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is now 'Queen of the Fuck Palace'!"

Once upon a time, in an alleyway in the slums of the City of Lockes, a young and somewhat lonely boy named Sam Haversford turns a group of teenage douchebags into stone completely by accident.

Of course, this catches the attention of a higher power, and Sam's pulled from the only world he knows to become an apprentice to the King's Wizard, Morgan of Shadows.

When Sam is fourteen, he enters the Dark Woods and returns with Gary, the hornless gay unicorn, and a half-giant named Tiggy, earning the moniker Sam of Wilds.

At fifteen, Sam learns what love truly is when a new knight arrives at the castle. Sir Ryan Foxheart, the dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.

Naturally, it all goes to hell over the years when Ryan dates the reprehensible Prince Justin, Sam can't control his magic, a sexually aggressive dragon kidnaps the prince, and the King sends them on an epic quest to save Ryan's boyfriend, all while Sam falls more in love with someone he can never have.


Or so he thinks.

Written by TJ Klune. Can be purchased on Dreamspinner or Amazon.

The Lightning-Struck Heart Includes examples of:

  • Accidental Pervert: Sam inadvertantly gives Todd (y'know, with the ears?) a handjob in public. In front of his crush. And some villains.
  • Arranged Marriage: Ryan is legitimately surprised by the announcement he's marrying Justin. Well, kinda, as he's basically dating Justin to improve his family's station. Both of them know this. It's almost a foregone conclusion to cement Ryan's social standing; thankfully, this is avoided.
  • Ax-Crazy: Eloise, leader of the dragon cult, who keeps her village suspiciously free of children ( for a group that's ok with human sacrifice, this is telling ), gives out power-nullifying truth serum to strangers, and keeps the entire village doped up and compliant to her man-eating dragon worship.
  • Badass Normal: Sure, Justin's an enormous jerk, but he knows his way around a sword. Ryan's just a normal dude, but he goes toe-to-toe with Kevin and comes out with no injuries.
  • Blue Blood: Tina, president of the Ryan Foxheart fan club. She's even of high enough station to go to the royal wedding.
  • Break His Heart to Save Him: Sam doesn't want to ruin Ryan's relationship with Justin by making him his cornerstone, and pushes him away after they arrive back in the city to spare him. It doesn't stick.
  • Bride and Switch: The climactic Rystin wedding is not completed due to an objection.
  • Bullet Catch: Sam employs a variant of this, catching a fireball that a Dark throws at him during the awkward date with Todd (with the ears).
  • Caught in a Snare: Dmitri captures the heroes after being left at the altar by Sam. While most are trapped in fairy rings, Ryan is strung up by an amorous moving tree.
  • Celibate Hero: Sam. He's saving himself for the right guy. When he gets angry and tries to bang Moishe, he cannot go through with it because of his love for Ryan.
  • Dark Is Evil: Taken quite literally, as the only villains not redeemed are the group of wizards known as the 'Darks'.
  • Family of Choice: Sam has Tiggy, Gary, Morgan, his parents, and the lovely Mama as family.
  • Hermit Guru: It takes a month to get to Castle Freeze Your Ass Off, Randall's remote home. He is also the most powerful wizard in living memory.
  • How Do I Shot Web?: The first thing Sam does with his magic is accidentally turn bullies into stone. It takes a few tries to figure out how to turn them back.
  • The McCoy: Sam, in spades. Sure, he could continue his relationship with Ryan and be either a side piece or ruin Ryan's oath, but that would not be an ok thing to do. He chooses the right way, even if it is the harder way, consistently. Also, he's got the humor aspect down pat.
  • Overly Long Hug: Sam is definitely a Cuddle Bug. It's a running gag that he will get overwhelmed with emotions and hug whomever he is talking to, often for minutes at a time, and very rarely does the recipient consent to it.
  • Romantic False Lead: Todd (with the ears) is set up as a romantic option for Sam early on, and then completely disappears after the awkward public inadvertent handjob.
  • Virgin Sacrifice: Attempted, when the members of the almighty Truth Corn village capture Sam and string him up as an offering to Kevin. The wizard thing is more important to them than the virgin thing, though.