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Funny / The Addams Family

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     1964 TV Series 
  • Both scenes of Wednesday teaching Lurch how to dance are Crowning Moments of Funny, Heartwarming, and Awesome.
    • From "Lurch's Grand Romance":
      Wednesday: (puts the record on) This is amazing. It's called The Droop. (starts dancing, Lurch just stands there) C'mon, now you try it.
      Lurch: (pointing to himself) Me?
      Wednesday: (still dancing) I think Miss Trivia's a swinger.
      Lurch: 'Swinger'?
      Wednesday: (still dancing) You don't want Miss Trivia to think you're square, do ya?
      Lurch: (croaky voice, shaking his head) No.
      Wednesday: (still dancing) Then if you learn to dance well, Miss Trivia will think you're boss!
      Lurch: 'Boss'?
      Wednesday: (still dancing) Neat. Groovy. C'mon, try it.
      (Lurch starts dancing slowly and awkwardly, bent over)
      Wednesday: (still dancing) Loosen up a little; let yourself go! (Lurch stomps his foot)
      Miss Trivia: (offscreen) (sings part of her Lucky Day song)
      Wednesday: (still dancing, Lurch waving his arms) You got it, Lurch!
      (Both keep dancing, Lurch jumps a bit)
  • This exchange from the episode with the biker Rocky when the family plans to invite his father for dinner.
    Wednesday: We have a surprise for you!
    Rocky: I know. Satan's coming to dinner.
    Wednesday: Oh, no. That was last week!
    • Earlier, when Rocky mentions being surrounded by weirdos, Fester asks where. Rocky says in the other room, and Fester ecstatically proclaims "This I gotta see!"
    • In the same episode, Cleopatra, the plant, eats Rocky's fork.
  • When Morticia thinks Wednesday is missing, she has this conversation on the phone.
    Morticia: I want you to find my little girl, Wednesday.
    Missing Persons Guy: I'll find her Tuesday if I can, but don't hurry me.
    Morticia: No, Wednesday's her name.
  • When Morticia is painting, she says she wants to name her painting "The Blob" because she heard another of her paintings described with that word and got inspired.
  • Fester's behavior around Dr. Milford in "Uncle Fester's Illness" reminds one of a sulky child.
  • For some reason, seeing Uncle Fester skipping rope is funny.
  • Ophelia. And how plants can grow on her head.
    • Which leads to this.
      Ophelia: "I don't like poison sumac. It won't grow on my head."
      Cousin Itt: *gibberish*
      Ophelia: "Maybe I should get my head examined."
  • The episode "Cat Addams":
    • When Morticia pretends that Cleopatra is sick.
      Morticia: She's lost all desire to strangle.
      Vet (with Cleopatra coiled around him): All of it?
    • When Uncle Fester is Playing Sick:
      Morticia: He doesn't need a doctor, what he needs is an undertaker!
      Fester (sitting up abruptly): I'm not dead yet!!!
  • When Thing pops up and the guy says, "Get that thing away from me!"
  • "Fester's Punctured Romance":
    • This conversation between Morticia and Fester:
      Fester: "You wouldn't even let me fix that leak in the roof, even though my finger could fit in the hole perfectly.
      Morticia: "That's because it's my favourite leak!"
    • Gomez taking Fester's picture.
  • In "Christmas with the Addams Family", when all the adults pretend to be Santa. Later, the real Santa comes and does his job unnoticed. The results by character are as follows:
    • Fester: gets stuck in the chimney.
    • Gomez: Is pretty successful; though he does fall off the roof, he manages to sort-of convince the children and is unharmed.
    • Grandmama: Gives herself away because she's a woman.
      Pugsley: "Either that's Grandma, or Santa Claus is a woman...either that or Grandmama's a man!"
    • Lurch: Too conspicuous.
      Wednesday: "You sure have grown!"
      Pugsley: "You sure you aren't Lurch?"
    • Cousin Itt: Way too conspicuous.
      Wednesday: "Either Santa's shrunk and let his hair grow, or that's Cousin Itt."
  • Also in "Christmas With the Addams Family", when Gomez, Grandmama, Itt, and Lurch all have the same thought about dressing up as Santa:
    Gomez: (thinking) Got to get a Santa for the children.
    Grandmama: (thinking) A Santa Claus for the children.
    Itt: (thinks in gibberish)
    Lurch: (thinking) Fooooooor the chillllllldren...
  • In the Halloween Episode, when the crook says he'd rather wrestle with a lion than bob for a live crab, Morticia says, "would you?" and calls Kitty Cat.
  • Gomez to Lurch on the gorilla doing his jobs:
    Gomez: "Lurch, there are some things you can do and some things an ape can do."
  • In "The Addams Family Meet the V.I.P.s", said V.I.P.s call Lurch a "slave" and Thing a "robot".
  • "The Addams Family Meet the Undercover Man":
    • When the plumber, Mr. Conkey, is called to fix Kitty Cat's drinking fountain, but also spy on the Addamses, there's this conversation:
    Kitty Cat: (roars loudly)
    Conkey: What's that noise?
    Morticia: That's Kitty Cat.
    Conkey: Roaring like that?
    Morticia: Well, if your drinking fountain was broken, you'd roar too!
    • And later, Conkey is asking Agent Hollister about reimbursement. Hollister asks for what:
      Conkey: One pair of lion-torn pants!
  • In "Cousin Itt Visits the Addams Family", the whole plot is funny: Gomez and Morticia suggest the commissioner give him a job at the zoo, but he's mistaken for an animal.
    • Itt's reason for escaping his cage: He wanted his "military hairbrushes."
    • And Uncle Fester's idea of "fair":
      Fester: I get a shot, and then you get a shot.
    • When the commissioner says that he'll reserve a cage for Itt and each of the others in case they change their minds, Morticia reassures Gomez.
    Morticia: We'll insist on one big family cage.
    • Morticia notes that Cousin Itt is a "rolling stone", to which Gomez notes that he seems to have gathered quite a bit of moss.
  • "Addams Family Splurges":
    • Uncle Fester casually says, "All we need is a spaceship." (to go on vacation to the moon)
    • And when they lose all their money they won by gambling, Thing draws a zero but it's not a Tear Jerker because of this line.
      Gomez: "It's still a nice round figure."
  • This conversation when the large stuffed bear gets burned up.
    Taxidermist: "I'm sorry, I can't replace it, but I can give you a lion."
    Morticia: "We already have a lion."
    Taxidermist: "Stuffed?"
    Morticia: "Well, he is when he's had his dinner."
  • "Mother Lurch Visits the Addams Family":
    • Gomez and Morticia decide to pose as the butler and the maid to help Lurch impress his mother. While trying to train Lurch how to behave like a gentleman of leisure, Morticia attempts to teach him how to look flirtatiously at her, considering it important. Eventually, she gets so fed up that she tells Lurch sternly that as the mistress of the house, she's commanding him to make eyes at her.
    • Mother Lurch (actually a small spitfire of a woman who somehow is more formidable than her Frankensteinian son) gets spooked by The Thing popping out of its box. She orders Gomez (who is posing as Lurch's butler) to nail Thing's box shut. When he does, Thing pops out of Gomez's toolbox and shakes its fist at him in anger. Even as Gomez tries to explain the situation, Thing is picking up the hammer that Gomez was using and threatens him with it!
    • Later in the episode, when Mama Lurch thinks that Gomez and Morticia are plotting behind Lurch's back to kill him and take over the mansion, she has Lurch fire them. When Morticia begs Lurch to do something, he reaches out to shake Gomez's hand. She then pleads with him to "say something", hoping he'd finally break the masquerade, he just looks at Gomez and says "Good luck".
    • In fairness, they did bring it on themselves, as they described their training Lurch so he'd pass as a man of wealth and leisure as "brainwashing"...
  • "The Addams Family in Court":
    • Uncle Fester shocks the police lieutenant coming to investigate by showing off his lightbulb trick.
    • When Grandmama gets taken to court and she and her family are sitting in a row, the judge asks the bailiff which one was the one being tested for a crime and the bailiff replies "The odd-looking one". The guy looks them over and, considering they all look pretty odd, asks again.
    • And in the same episode, Grandmama is tapping her cup against the bars of the jail and shouting "Let me out!". Morticia asks if she's okay and she says yes, she was just copying a movie.
    • And in the same episode, Uncle Fester calling the light bulb thing he does "science".
    • Grandmama and Thing are said to be working "hand in hand."
    • Most of the trial scene, as the Addams' oddities and audacity drive the judge completely up the wall.
  • "Thing is Missing":
    • Thing and Uncle Fester getting into a spat. Thing gets the first and last "word."
    • Gomez says Thing has been "thing-napped".
    • And Thing's first, last, and middle names are "Thing".
    • This phone conversation.
      Morticia: I am here to report a missing Thing.
      Cop: Should I put your case in the Burglary or the Missing Persons category?
      Morticia: It's not exactly a person, but it is alive.
      Cop: Is it a pet?
      Morticia: It's retainer.
      Cop: A servant? Isn't that a person?
      Morticia: Not necessarily.
    • They then put an ad in the newspaper for a "missing Thing, property of Addams" or something like that and get sent random objects.
    • Poor Sam Diamond experiencing the craziness of the Addams household.
  • This line from "Crisis in the Addams Family":
    Gomez: When a lion tamer gets torn up by the lion, does he mope? Not always.
  • The whole premise of "My Son the Chimp": A chimp sneaks into the house and puts on some of Pugsley's clothes. Fester sees and thinks he's turned Pugsley into a chimp.
    • And they try to call his soul.
      Morticia: "Don't worry, Pugsley, we will collect you from the astral plane"
      Pugsley: "What sort of plane?" (he then makes a paper plane)
    • And Thing knows where the real Pugsley is and tries to hint it to them.
      Gomez: "How many syllables?"
      Thing: (holds up two fingers)
      Gomez: "Who do we know with two syllables?"
      Morticia: "That's a tricky one."
      Fester: "Pugsley's missing and you're playing games?"
  • This part of "The Addams Family and the Spaceman" (a bit of context: Two investigators had seen Lurch and Cousin Itt making punch (which was smoking and looked liked some strange experiment). Because Lurch was moaning and Itt was speaking gibberish, combined with the smoking liquid and how strange Itt looked, they thought they were aliens. They then walked over to Gomez and Morticia and tried (unsuccessfully) to speak what a professor in the MSO thinks is Martian to them, and Gomez, in jest, replied in gibberish. Because of this, Gomez and Morticia began to think the investigators were aliens and the investigators, in turn, began to think that Gomez, Morticia, Lurch, and Itt were aliens. Gomez and Morticia then took them into their house and locked them in the "play room", then called the MSO. The professor (who was coincidentally the investigators' boss) saw the trapped investigators, and well...
    Cop: "They aren't Martians."
    Gomez: "Yes, they are."
    Cop: "What makes you think they're Martians?"
    Gomez: "They said, 'ugga bugga horaft'."
    Cop: "That's not Martian, they learnt that from me."
    Morticia: "Then you're Martian?"
  • "Lurch and His Harpsichord":
    • When Morticia is teaching Lurch how to knit:
      Morticia: "What do you want to knit?"
      Lurch: "A harpsichord."
    • When the man who wants to donate the harpsichord kisses it before leaving.
      Morticia: "What a music lover."
      Gomez: "He reminds me of Aunt Trivia."
      Morticia: "Was Aunt Trivia a music lover?"
      Gomez: "No, she just liked to go around kissing harpsichords."
    • When Fester, Gomez, and Morticia see Lurch playing an imaginary harpsichord:
      Morticia: "We've left Lurch in the lurch."
    • Also...
      Gomez: "Let's go to Lover's Leap!"
      Fester: "What will I do there?"
      Gomez: "We'll make love and you'll leap!"
  • "The Winning of Morticia Addams":
    • The doctor meets Wednesday:
      Doctor: "Oh, what a pity, your little dolly lost her head."
      Wednesday: "She didn't lose it, she's Marie Antoinette and I chopped it off!" *does the off-with-your-head motion*
    • Gomez's Zen Yogi move of hanging from the chandelier.
  • Seeing Gomez lying on the floor with a golf ball on his head, and Morticia swings her club and the ball bounces and ends up in the stuffed moose's mouth. Gomez calls it a "hole in one". Then he swings his club at the ball (which is now on the floor) and misses, accidentally flinging the club into the stuffed moose's mouth. He calls that a club in one.
  • Grandmama "pinpointing" the trouble with Lurch's throat with an actual pin in his behind.
    • Equal parts Funny Moments, Nightmare Fuel, and Tear Jerker this line from the same episode (Lurch the Teenage Idol in case you were curious)
      Grandmama: "Dr Addams (Gomez) has only lost one patient - his first and last."
    • Fester trying to take Lurch's picture but photographing himself by mistake.
      Fester: "It came out nice and clear, but I don't think it's the real's the real me."
    • And when Fester tries to cure Lurch's lost voice with bug spray, claiming it worked well on the rosebushes.
      Morticia: "I don't think Lurch has aphids."
  • When Cousin Itt speaks in a way that the audience can understand because of something Morticia did:
    Lurch: "Ugghhhh."
    Itt: "What do you mean by that, Lurch?"
    Lurch: "Just...ugghhhh."
    • And before that:
      Gomez: "We don't think you're useless, we just can't find a role for you in the play."
      Itt: *Gibberish*
      Gomez: "No, there are no parts for sheepdogs!"
  • When Gomez's relation from Spain describes Thing as "handy".
    • Also this:
      Man: "Are you Mr Addams?"
      Lurch: ""
      Man: "Pleased to meet you, Church."
      Lurch: "Lurch."
      Man: "Oh, Lurch!"
  • Itt taking Gomez's "you look like a haystack" as a compliment.
  • "Halloween, Addams Style" had some funny bits.
    • When Gomez tries to carve a pumpkin like Uncle Fester:
      Gomez (about his knife): "That's for carving."
      Fester: "That's what I was afraid of."
      Gomez: "Not for carving you, for carving your likeness."
    • At the end, the neighbours think Grandmama is a witch because she was on the roof and holding a broomstick.
    • Gomez and Fester apple dunking with a seesaw. Gomez leaves to answer the door, so Fester wins, and Morticia kisses him as the prize, stating she thought Gomez would win.
      • And there's also this line:
        Fester (after falling in the apple bobbing water but getting out and Morticia says she can't understand him trying to talk in water): "Well, I was about to say I was drowning, but I'm okay now!"
    • And the one-episode Running Gag of Fester thinking that "horse whipping" meant "to be whipped by a horse".
    • Gomez finds a pet horse for Wednesday and they wonder what to call him.
      Gomez: "How about Fido?"
      Morticia: "For a horse?"
      Gomez: "How about Rover?"
      Morticia: "Much better."
  • From the episode with Princess Millicent (Gomez's aunt), Lurch and Uncle Fester are seen carrying a lot of luggage belonging to the princess.
    Gomez: "I thought she was travelling light?"
    Morticia: "She is. Lurch and Uncle Fester are travelling heavy."
    • And also Thing's crush on Lady Fingers.
    • Lurch's "accordion pants" which make noises like an accordion.
  • Whenever Lurch groans at a pun. Double points because it's practically impossible to tell if that's a Lame Pun Reaction or he enjoys the joke, or if it's just Lurch being Lurch.
  • Some Adult Fear could put Tear Jerker and Nightmare Fuel into this, but at the same time it's also funny in "Morticia's Favourite Charity" when there's a pair of Pugsley's shoes next to Cleopatra, which causes Gomez to think Cleopatra ate Pugsley and tries to squeeze him out of her. Made even funnier when Pugsley shows up.
    Pugsley: "Father, why are you attacking Cleopatra?"
  • "Amnesia in the Addams Family":
    • Gomez' goofy, rolling-eyed look when he gets hit in the head.
    • Morticia brings Gomez to see the children, hoping to jog his memory. Gomez sees and is creeped out by Wednesday's pet lizard, Lucifer.
      Gomez: I'm gonna buy you a nice golden-haired doll that says "Mama".
      Wednesday: What did I do wrong?
      Gomez: Nothing.
      Wednesday: Then why are you punishing me?
  • "Morticia the Writer":
    • Fester walked across some hot coals barefoot and was unaffected. Gomez then did it with his shoes on and they burned up and Morticia said, "Maybe next time you should do it with your shoes off".
    • Lurch brings Morticia lunch, given that she's still hard at work at midnight. She asks about Gomez and Lurch says he's sound asleep. Morticia replies with something in French — and Gomez comes racing into the cave in his pajamas to do the Kiss Up the Arm.
  • "Morticia the Breadwinner": Morticia, Fester, Grandmama and the children mishear something Gomez said and therefore think they are broke and try to make money but try to keep it a secret from Gomez so they don't hurt his feelings. When Gomez sees the children selling stuff, Morticia says that she wants to teach them the value of money, leading to this...
    Gomez: "This is a penny. Five pennies make a nickel, ten nickels make a dime, two dimes make a dollar. Do you understand?"
    Pugsley & Wednesday: (in unison) "Yes, father."
    Gomez: "Good. Now you both know the value of money."
  • Equal parts funny and Tear Jerker was Wednesday crying over a story in which a dragon dies in the first episode.
  • "Morticia's Romance" had several funnies.
    • Ophelia breaking things. When she does the dishes, she breaks most of the plates and when she plays the violin, she saws it in half with the bow.
    • When she tries to kiss Gomez but knocks him into a bush instead:
      Ophelia: How was that?
      Gomez: That was green.
    • Grandmama Addams and Granny Frump musing on how difficult it is to get lion-sitters these days.
    • This conversation:
      Gomez: "Did anyone tell you that you have the most beautiful brown eyes?"
      Morticia: "No, and my eyes are blue."
      Gomez: "No wonder nobody told you that!"
      • And later:
        Gomez: "What colour did you say your eyes were?"
        Morticia: "Blue."
        Gomez: "Keep them that way."
    • Gomez and Morticia when they kiss for the first time.
      Gomez: "I can't help myself."
      Morticia: "I can help myself, but I don't want to!"
    • When Ophelia literally runs away with Cousin Itt.
      • And when she gets her crush on him...
        Ophelia: "I'm in love with a fine, handsome man."
        Fester: "Sounds like me but I'm her uncle!"
  • "Uncle Fester's Toupee":
    • Fester's girlfriend calls him a "tree-sitting, electrical newt".
    • And when she found out he was electrical:
      Morticia: Uncle Fester likes to charge himself up.
      Girlfriend: 'Charge himself up'? Does that mean he drinks?
      Morticia: Certainly not. Uncle Fester is electrical.
      Girlfriend: 'Electrical'?! What does that mean?
    • Also this line from Gomez:
      Gomez: Never go to bed angry or on fire.
    • The scene where Gomez and Morticia are bowling. On his first throw, Gomez only knocks over one pin. On his second throw, he hits the same pin and knocks it back into place. When Morticia goes, she misses the pins completely but the ball bounces off some furniture, circles back around the room and hits the pins for a strike!
      Gomez: Cara mia, you've been practicing!
  • When Uncle Fester makes hair restorer, but some gets on a portrait of a lady who is probably Morticia's aunt.
    Morticia: "I don't remember Aunt Anemia having a beard and a moustache"
    Gomez: "A beard maybe, but never a moustache!"
  • This conversation:
    Pugsley: We're bored.
    Morticia: Then, go play in the cave.
    Wednesday: We played there already.
    Morticia: Then play in the swamp.
    Visitor: Did you say 'cave' and 'swamp'?
    Morticia: It's not much, but there's plenty of room to romp.
  • In "The Addams Family Tree," the adults learn that Wednesday and Pugsley got into a fight after a kid at a birthday party insulted their family. Uncle Fester decides to defend the family honor and reaches for his blunderbuss, and Hilarity Ensues when the family debates the merits of honorable fighting versus Combat Pragmatism:
    Gomez: He's right, Morticia: the family honor! You'll have to challenge Palmeroy to a duel!
    Uncle Fester: No, I'd rather shoot him In the Back.
    Morticia: Uncle Fester, that is not the honorable way!
    Uncle Fester: I know, but it's the safe way.
    Gomez: Uncle Fester, I'm ashamed of you! An Addams doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear!"
    Uncle Fester: I do! I'll shoot him in the back!
    Morticia: Uncle Fester, remember the Addams name!
    Gomez: It'll have to be a duel!
    Uncle Fester: With swords?
    Gomez: With victory going to the swiftest, the cunningest, the deadliest!
    Uncle Fester: I'll shoot him in the back!
    Gomez: Wait, how about pistols?
    Uncle Fester: Well, that's different. I- [Beat, in a small voice] Does he get one, too?
    Gomez: Naturally!
    Uncle Fester: Loaded?
    Morticia: You get one bullet apiece.
    Uncle Fester: In the back!
    • Then, when the rival family pays a visit to the Addams' house:
      Morticia: They've come to make peace.
      Uncle Fester: I hope not! [readies his blunderbuss, but Gomez lowers it]
      Gomez: I'll handle this; remember, you took care of the gas inspector.
  • In "Cousin Itt and the Vocational Counselor", the counselor tries to give Itt a word association test. While trying to tell Gomez that they should stop chiming in, Morticia says something in French. Gomez starts to Kiss Up the Arm, which Morticia gently tells him to save for after Cousin Itt's interview. The counselor starts again with the word "love." Gomez instantly says "frustrated."
  • "Morticia and Gomez vs. Fester and Grandmama": After Uncle Fester paints a line down the middle of the mansion, Morticia decides to have lunch and calls Lurch. When he answers, it turns out Uncle Fester painted a line down the middle of him too.

    The Addams Family (1991) 

  • The seance for Fester opens up with the family and the Alfords joining hands. Then Grandmama cries out that Margaret pulled her hand off, Margaret freaks out and throws the hand to the floor, then we see it was Thing and the whole incident was just a prank.
  • After "Fester" nearly gives himself away, Gomez vents his frustrations by crashing his model trains and his family's reaction to it. We see a shot from inside the train, which features a miniature living person who looks up from reading the newspaper to see Gomez laughing maniacally.
    • Also a Creator Cameo. That's Barry Sonnenfeld.
    • "Spirits above, give me a sign! Shall I be joyous or shall I be damned?!" (trains collide, exploding and causing the house to shake)
  • Lumpy Addams dancing with Wednesday. Not only is he freakishly tall (and Wednesday short), he's leading the dance way too forcefully, slinging the poor girl hither and yon. Wednesday's expression still stays hilariously deadpan, of course.
    • She's an Addams. She probably likes it.
  • "Fester" walking with Morticia through the Addams Family Cemetery, being reminded of dearly-departed family members.
    Morticia: (Passes a statue of a woman with six bullet holes in its chest) Aunt La Borgia. Executed by a firing squad. (Passes another statue of a portly man without its arms and legs) Cousin Fledge. Torn limb-from-limb by four wild horses. (Passes another statue of a medieval executioner) And darling Uncle Imar. Buried alive.
  • Gomez's Heroic BSoD after being forced out of his home. He now sits around all day watching television.
    Morticia: Why don't we go for a drive? The whole family?
    Gomez: A drive? And miss Gilligan?!
    • Also the family's attempts at trying to "fit in" to this new lifestyle. One example happens right after the above dialogue:
    Grandmama: (peeks her head in through the front door) Dinner's gonna be late! (goes out; heard from outside) Here boy! Here boy!
  • Morticia goes out in search of a job, telling the Temp Agency that she majored in "spells and hexes" - the clerk decides to just put down "Liberal Arts". When placed in a kindergarten as a substitute teacher, her interpretation of Hansel and Gretel leaves the children in the class bawling.
  • Wednesday's concerned elementary-school teacher approaches Morticia with a picture Wednesday brought to class as part of her report on 'Our Heroes': an old woodcut of a witch being burned at the stake.
    Morticia: Wednesday's great-aunt Calpurnia. She was burned as a witch in 1706. They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister.
    Teacher: ...r-really?
    Morticia: Oh yes. But don't worry: we've told Wednesday 'College first.'
    • Also, Morticia's reaction after hearing one of Wednesday's classmates did her report on Jane Pauley.
    • Briefly after that scene, we see Margaret fawning over her son in his elf costume, finishing up with the typical "you're so adorable I could eat you alive!"
      Morticia: Oh no, Margaret! Too young!
  • During the Mamushka dance, Gomez and Fester are juggling blades with each other, and the dance's music adopts an intense rapid fiddle tune. Cut to see that the violinist is Morticia, playing with a look of stoic dedication to the music.
  • After the Addamses are thrown out, we get this dear dialogue...
    Morticia: We will survive! Poison us, strangle us, break our bones - we will come back for more. And why?
    • Also, watch Wednesday closely. She's eating Fruit Loops with a strained expression, clearly not used to the overly sweet taste.
  • After the dance scene, Flora and Fauna tell Fester that "I'll call once I'm alone". Funny enough given they're conjoined twins... but then their ride to the insane asylum shows up, and they're last seen waving goodbye as the straitjacket is put on.
  • Wednesday. Nothing can stop her deadpan - and sometimes deadly - response to the smugness and faux happiness that surrounds her.
    Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
    Wednesday: Yes.
    Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
    Pugsley: Yes.
    Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
    Wednesday: Are they Made from Real Girl Scouts?
    • Check Wednesday's expression after the Girl Scout leaves. She's disappointed that they're not.
  • At one point, Grandmama is seen apparently cross-referencing The Joy of Cooking with Gray's Anatomy.
    • And later, once Gordon had more fully-integrated with the family, he and Pugsley prank her by putting a skeletal arm in her stew. "That's for company!"
  • Gordon's first breakfast with the family:
    Wednesday: (to Gordon) Could you pass the salt?
    Morticia: What do we say?
    Wednesday: (after a contemplative pause) Now.
    • Later on, while the family is eating, Wednesday is quietly eating her meal and Morticia corrects her table manners.
      Morticia: Wednesday! Play with your food.
  • Wednesday stalks by with a butcher knife, and Morticia stops her with a stern 'Is that for your brother?' Wednesday nods and submits to being disarmed, after which Morticia takes a slaughterhouse cleaver from a nearby rack, hands it to Wednesday and sends her on her way.
  • Thing is desperately trying to use sign language to tell Gomez that Morticia is in danger, but Gomez is having a hard time understanding.
    Gomez: Slow down! It's terrible when you stutter!
    • Thing then decides to just write it down, but the pen has no ink. So he grabs a spoon to do morse code, spilling the bowl of cereal, while Gomez just rolls his eyes.
  • When Abigail Craven disguises herself as The Shrink Doctor Pinterschloss, she claims that Gomez drove Fester away, he now is dealing with "the little black monster".
    Gomez: Pugsley?!
    Craven: Guilt.
    • Even funnier a few moments later.
      Craven: You love him, yet you resent him. Love-hate. Hate-love. Like for mama, no?
      Gomez: But I didn't hate my mother, it was an accident.
  • The school production, and Morticia and Gomez sitting through the extra schmaltzy performance of "Getting To Know You" with near identical looks of boredom and quiet disgust on their faces.
    • Then when Gordon shows up, he slots into the seat next to them and immediately gains a similar look. This is especially funny given that Gordon is played by Christopher Lloyd, who gives a "...the heck is THIS crap...?" look that only Christopher Lloyd can give.
    • Wednesday and Pugsley's (highly compressed) version of the final scene of Hamlet. Every time one of them scores a hit with their rapier, a torrent of blood starts pouring out. By the time they're done the stage is soaked along with the first two rows of the audience. As the rest of the audience stare in horror, the rest of the Addamses leap to their feet in wild applause.
  • When Morticia is searching for something to enter into the charity auction.
    Morticia: (straight-faced, taking garment bags out of a wardrobe and looking at tags) Uncle Knick-Knack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack...
  • Thing gets a job as a Fed Ex courier.
  • Gomez is watching Sally Jessy Raphael interview someone whose son was brainwashed by voodoo witch doctors. Gomez calls the show, to which Sally immediately begs him to stop as she doesn't know where these witchdoctors meet. Gomez has apparently been phoning the show every time some cult or group of psychos is mentioned.
  • Morticia reveals to Gomez that she's knitting a onesie with what appears to be three legs. Either she's expecting a three-legged mutant or the Addams men are very well-endowed.note 
  • When the bad guys have been taken care of and they’ve landed in fresh graves dug by the kids:
    Pugsley: Are they dead?
    Wednesday: Does it matter?
  • Tully "romping with Gate" (or getting caught in the hinges) at the beginning.

    Addams Family Values 

  • In the delivery room, a nurse picks up a pair of forceps, realizing a split second later that Thing had handed it to her. She freaks, throws Thing into the next room where it smacks a newborn baby on the tushie, just as someone else was about to do the same thing.
  • Wednesday and Pugsley have never heard of the Delivery Stork. And it doesn't sound too plausible to them.
    ["Rock-a-Bye Baby" is playing]
    Girl in Waiting Room: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, (Pugsley rolls his eyes and looks at Wednesday) and the stork flew down from heaven and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
    Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby, too.
    (Music stops, dramatic zoom on Wednesday)
    Wednesday: They had sex.
    • While listening to the story, Wednesday shoots Pugsley a look that reads, "Are you buying any of this?" and Pugsley shakes his head to say, "Not one bit."
  • Wednesday and Pugsley argue over whether the new baby is a boy or a girl. Gomez bursts into the waiting room and the family demand an answer.
    Wednesday: Father, what is it?
    Gomez: It's an Addams!
  • The Terrible Interviewees Montage of nannies:
    Hippie-Nanny: Children, as your new nanny, I know that we are all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
    Wednesday: Prevent them? (lights a very large match)
    Strict Nanny: All right children, I have had it up to here. Now you just answer one simple question; where is that baby?
    Wednesday: Which part?
    Maid-Nanny: (with a hand puppet) Hello kiddies, I'm Polly the Puppet. What shall we do today? I know! Let's all clean our rooms!
    Wednesday: (pulls out a devil puppet) Hello Polly, I'll clean my room… in exchange for your immortal soul. (the devil puppet rubs hands together)
  • The bit where Wednesday apparently breaks under the peer pressure of the camp and begins smiling. The "smile" was so extremely creepy that make all the kids shit their pants.
    Amanda Buckman: She's scaring me!
  • Pubert apparently gets a hangover, so he has to wear sunglasses. Gomez puts some nasty concoction into a baby bottle and offers it to Pubert as "hair of the pup".
  • Wednesday and Pugsley's idea of playing with Pubert involves dressing the baby up as Marie Antoinette and attempting to chop off his head. Pubert blocks the guillotine blade with his bare hand.
    Wednesday: Woe to the Republic.
  • Some of Morticia's opening lines:
    Morticia: Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby. [Beat] Right now.
  • Morticia is reading The Cat in the Hat to her suddenly rosy-cheeked son Pubert. ("To think... a child of mine.") She skips a few pages ahead and discovers what is, to her, a Downer Ending:
    Morticia: Oh no. He lives.
  • Gomez telling Fester, "I hope one day you know the indescribable joy of having children... and of paying someone else to raise them."
  • Raúl Juliá's phenomenally hammy performance at the police station. "Debbie! My brother's wife! The Temptress of WAIKIKI!"
    Gomez: Has the planet gone MAD?! My brother — passion's hostage! I seek justice... denied! But I shall not submit! I shall conquer, I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! (cut to Grandmama and the baby) I have seen horror! (cut to Lurch) I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
    Morticia: They're at camp.
    Gomez: I have seen all this, but until today, I had never seen... you!
    Police clerk: ...hook 'em. Book 'em. Cook 'em. Now!
  • Lane gets in a couple of moments, too. "Who are you?! What are you?! Who moved the rock?! [...] Just leave. Leave quietly, leave now. Don't make me call Ringling Brothers!"
  • Also, Gomez's phenomenally hammy breakdown after Fester refuses to see him; even when Fester finally escapes Debbie and comes home, Gomez is bed-ridden and delirious, wailing out Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. The two begin to reconcile, but Gomez makes his problem clear with this line;
    "You belong to Debbie. You're Debbie's love-toy! YOU... ARE... MISTER DEBBIE!!!"
  • After Fester and Debbie get married, Fester reminds her to throw the bouquet. Wednesday winds up catching it.
    Joel: Now you have to get married.
    Wednesday: It's not binding.
    Addams Relative: Tramp.
  • Again:
    Amanda's mother: And this little lady?
    Morticia: Oh, Wednesday's at that very special age when she has only one thing on her mind.
    Amanda's mother: Boys?
    Wednesday: Homicide.
  • The grown-ups are crowding around Pubert and we get this lovely exchange:
    Gomez: Look at him. He has my father's eyes.
    Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.
  • More Too Kinky to Torture fun:
    Gomez: On his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.
    Morticia: Why wait?
  • Fester's honeymoon reminds Morticia of her and Gomez's:
    Gomez: That glorious cruise...
    Morticia: No quarrels.
    Gomez: No cares.
    Morticia: No survivors.
  • Margaret and Itt call their baby "Whatt" because that was the obstetrician's reaction to the hair-baby!
  • Debbie meeting the Addams for the first time:
    Debbie: (admiring Gomez) Well isn't he the lady killer.
    Gomez: Acquitted!
  • This small exchange at the summer-camp when practicing Lifeguard techniques.
    Amanda: I'll be the victim!
    Wednesday: All your life.
    • The pair are the first ones selected for the demonstration. Amanda volunteers to be the victim, jumps in the water and hammily "drowns". When Gary tries to prompt Wednesday to save her Wednesday responds with a deadpan "I can't swim". Pugsley and Joel, who are standing behind Gary, smile and nod in approval at her.
  • Another small exchange, when the two first meet:
    Amanda: Why are you dressed like that?
    Wednesday: Like what?
    Amanda: Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?
    Wednesday: Wait.
    • As well as the entire destruction of the Thanksgiving Day pageant.
  • Uncle Fester's makeover, where he is given an orange pageboy and a white coat that has broad shoulders.
    Fester: (To the moving men, proudly) I'm her husband!
    Debbie: (embarrassed) Fester!
    Fester: Gimme a kiss.
    Debbie: Gimme a twenty. (An off-screen crash is heard) WATCH IT! THAT'S A QUEEN! ANNE! CHANDELIER!
  • During archery practice at camp, Pugsley shoots his arrow directly upwards. Moments later a bald eagle falls out of the sky, pierced by the arrow:
    Becky Martin-Granger: It's an American Bald Eagle!
    Gary Granger: But aren't they extinct?
    Wednesday: They are now.
    • Also, right before Pugsley is up, Joel is too nervous to shoot an arrow and after Gary pressures him to hurry up by telling him "Go!", he finally takes the arrow off of the bow, throws it at the ground and storms off. Becky then cries out "Good job!"
  • Fester admitting after Debbie's death that he sometimes thinks about how, late at night, Debbie would say "JESUS Fester! Go back to your room!"
  • Morticia pleading with Debbie:
    Morticia: You have enslaved him. You have placed Fester under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see him?
    Debbie: Don't even think about it!
    Morticia: You have gone too far. You have married Fester. You have destroyed his spirit. You have taken him from us. All that I could forgive, but Debbie...
    Debbie (cue quizzical look on her face) What?
    Morticia: (cocks an eyebrow) Pastels?
    Debbie: (outraged) GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
  • Gomez's reaction when Grandmama says Baby Pubert might get dimples.
    "Not in this house!"
  • The whole exchange when Gradmama explains what might become of Baby Pubert if his illness progresses.
    Grandmama: He could become... a lawyer.
    Gomez: I WON'T LISTEN!
    Grandmama: An orthodontist.
    Morticia: Mama, stop!
    Grandmama: (dramatic pause) PRESIDENT.
    (cue Morticia and Lurch facepalming)
    Gomez: (heavenward, in tears) Please! I beg you! Take me!
  • Cousin Itt bowling over Margaret Alford.
  • Pugsley sings "Eat me!" while dressed as a turkey during the play. Right in front of Amanda's parents in the audience, to boot. They react accordingly.
  • After Debbie has tied up the family to electrocute them, she shows them her past through a slideshow (which they are remarkably unfazed by), starting with her parents and her tenth birthday:
    Debbie: What did they get me instead? MALIBU BARBIE!
    Morticia: The nerve.
    Debbie: [Whilst showing a slide of young self looking outraged] That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was! I was a ballerina! Graceful! Delicate! They had to go. [Slide of the home in flames.]
    Debbie: [While showing a slide of a smiling doctor] My first husband: the heart surgeon. All day long: coronaries, transplants...
    Grandmama: What about your needs?
    Debbie: "Sorry about dinner, Deb: the Pope had a cold." [Shows a slide of the surgeon scared and cornered as a shadow of an ax looms above him.]
    Grandmama: An ax? That takes me back!
    • "What about Debbie?" "Sor-ry-Deb-bie-no-Mer-ce-des-this-year. We have to set an example. Oh, yeah?! SET THIS!"
  • The councillors leading everyone in singing "Kumbaya" at Wednesday and Pugsley... and Wednesday's utterly horrified reaction. Even better, not only did Gary seem to pull the acoustic guitar he had with him to sing the song out of nowhere, but you can hear a wolf howling in the background as they're singing.
  • At Fester's bachelor party, a dancer is supposed to pop out of a cake, but when she doesn't emerge...
    Gomez: (peeks into the cake) That poor girl... Lurch, was she in there before you baked? (Pause as everyone becomes somber) C'est la vie!
  • Debbie's epic Motive Rant ends with this exchange:
    Debbie: Alright, so I killed! I maimed! I destroyed one innocent life after another! But aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn and ache and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?
    [Morticia, on the verge of crying, nods in assent.]
  • The Buckman family is flying back home from Camp Chippewa, when Pubert, launched into the air by the exploding kettle, suddenly appears, giggling, by their window. They are so shell-shocked by the riotous ordeal they've just gone through that the sight of a mustachioed baby at 38,000 feet barely rates a reaction from them by this point.
  • Fester's first meeting Dementia.
    Fester: (Lovestruck) Hmmmm, Dementia. What a lovely name.
    Dementia: It means "insanity."
    Fester: My name's Fester! It means "to rot!"

    The Musical 

  • This exchange:
    Mal: If you ever think about unloading this place, I might be able to help you out.
    Gomez: Out of the question! These four acres have been in my family ever since Queen Isabella of Spain deeded it to my great ancestor, Alfonso the Enormous, for services rendered.
    Mal: What services?
    Gomez: ...Alfonso the Enormous. Do I have to draw you a diagram?
  • Twice someone demands Lurch hurry up as he slowly walks somewhere. Both times Lurch sarcastically swings his arms like he's running while maintaining the same sedate pace.
  • Pugsley's conversation with Grandma about her potions:
    Pugsley: What's this one?
    Grandma: Acrimonium! You'll want to stay away from this baby. It takes the lid off the id, brings out the dark side. One swig of this will turn Mary Poppins into Medea.
    Pugsley: Grandma, I don't get your references!
  • All of "Full Disclosure".
    Grandma: I just peed.
    • At the end of the original cast, pre broadway version for Full Disclosure, Gomez angrily rants about there not being talk of a dowry: "Perhaps an exchange of cattle, so many bushels of wheat!?" For her part, Wednesday's face doesn't take on a look of offence until the wheat part comes along - apparently, she is perfectly fine with being traded for cattle, but takes offence at wheat.

    Addams Family Reunion 

(Yes, funny moments exist for this movie.)

  • Walter Adams (spelt with one "d"; a cock-up by the organizers has resulted in them being sent to the reunion of a completely unrelated family,) proves that he fully deserves to be a true Addams with his speech to his assembled clan: "For years, you people have been dragging me out to these family reunions, and I have only one thing to say, and I say it to all of you...(dramatic pause, audience prepares for something diabetically Glurgey) You make me sick, you're nothing but a bunch of lazy, worthless, freeloaders. I'm sick of listening to all of your sappy, kiss-up remarks. Why, I'd sooner shove a screaming walrus down my pants than spend another minute here with the entire lot of you." He carries on for a while, and finishes by saying that he'd like to see "[them] all, roasting, in the deepest. Pits. Of Hell." Gomez bursts into applause.
  • One scene has Wednesday and Pugsley both in guillotines trying to decapitate themselves to avoid going to the planned family reunion. Morticia catches them and says "You won't be getting out of this that easy!"
    • The guillotines are even marked with a "P" and "W" for each child.
  • The scene where Lurch is just calmly floating on a black inner tube in the swimming pool while several children swim away and get out of the pool screaming their heads off, and he doesn't seem to notice.
  • Fester's hair eating dog, which is trained to attack when it hears the phrase "Good Boy".
  • Cousin Itt wining at poker against the two Adams relatives sent to the Addams mansion by mistake, with Geoff the husband grumbling that Itt has a pretty good poker face.
  • When Gomez tries to get Dr. Adams to treat his grandparents (who are acting like normal people due to senility), Dr. Adams (whose trying to murder his father for the inheritance) sarcastically suggests strychnine.
    Gomez: Good God, don't you think I've already tried that?
  • Gomez's Too Kinky to Torture speech about the kids (also his Establishing Character Moment):
    Gomez: Children. No matter how often you scream at them or how severely you punish them, they always beg for more.
  • Geoff and Melinda scramble to get out of the Addams mansion and finding an escape hatch but not realizing it goes out to the swamp.
  • During the pinnate games, Wednesday and Pugglsey tie up and gag the bullying cousin at the reunion and put him where the piñata is as all of the other kids try to whack him.
  • Morticia causing the other women to gag on the caviar they're having with her comment that she waits for the larvae stage.

    The New Addams Family 

This incarnation has a lot of them, many of them provided by Uncle Fester.

  • In "Morticia's Favorite Charity", Uncle Fester locks himself in his iron maiden before it is sent to an auction in a ploy to get it back after the auction. When he is revealed to be inside the iron maiden, the auctioneers bid for him. After his family rescues him, Fester says "Thanks a lot! I was this close to becoming the love toy of a psychotic 80-year-old!"
  • One episode has Fester pretend to be a Humphrey Bogart-style noir detective while investigating who he assumes to be a male gold digger taking advantage of Morticia's cousin Melancholia. He even goes to the trouble of narrating events to himself!
  • "Close Encounters of the Addams Kind" is funny from start to finish. For starters, the aliens Greg and Marsha are Laughably Evil because Greg is a Large Ham and both of them have a very awkward-sounding Evil Laugh. Another hilarious part is the ending, where the aliens solve their fuel problem by creating clones of Uncle Fester.
  • "Addams Family in Court is yet another laugh fest. One is the Running Gag of Fester looking affectionately at Judge Debbie while a romantic theme plays, someone asking where he music is coming from and Fester apologizing while the music stops.
    • Wednesday informs her brother Pugsley that she can't torture him anymore. Pugsley at first is happy about this, but quickly states that he is bored by this development.
    • Lurch and Thing playing "Chopsticks".
  • In "Cleopatra, Green of the Nile", a potion Uncle Fester drank leads him to speak in rhyme. This leads to some funny moments.
    Wednesday: "You're talking funny, Uncle Fester"
    Fester: "Go find someone else to pester"

    Fester: "Instead of taking away my rhyme, you've just sent me back in time!"
  • This conversation in "Death Visits the Addams Family"
    Death: "I have come for you"
    Morticia: "Something about a shoe?"
    Death: "I have come for you!"
    Gomez: "Why are gum clouds blue? I don't know"
  • In the remake of the original series episode “Morticia’s Romance”, we get this exchange between Gomez and Grandmama.
    Gomez: I’ve got an idea; instead of this arranged marriage with Ophelia, why don’t I go out on my own, find someone, and fall madly in love?
    Grandmama: What’s the fun in that? Besides, arranged marriages are an Addams family tradition! We’ve been doing it for centuries, and there hasn’t been a divorce yet!
    Gomez: Just a few untimely deaths…
  • In the beginning of "Lurch, Man of Leisure", Fester finds the mailman cowering at the top of a tree.
    Mailman: M-mailbox...tried to eat me!
    Fester: (To mailbox) Bad mailbox! Bad bad bad! You should know better than to bite the hand that feeds you. (To mailman) Hold on!
    (Fester goes into the house, then comes back out with a bazooka.)
    Fester: This'll get you down!
    (Fester fires at the tree's base, sending it crashing to the ground, with the mailman trapped underneath. Fester goes to get the mail.)
    Mailman: Help!
    Fester: No thanks, I can carry this myself.